Category Archives: Tough Stuff

Escaping My House For A Bit (or Enjoying Some Time In My Car)

Between the regular isolation we are supposed to be doing and avoiding going to the grocery store on my own since I’m sick, I’m not seeing anything other than the inside of my house much. I did walk my trash can to the curb and bring it back, but that’s about it. I’m not going for walks in my neighborhood because I don’t have a mask right now and I know that I’m a higher risk of getting sick. I am doing this for my own protection, but it’s not easy.

I’m not used to only being inside my house. And this past weekend I was going a bit antsy and stir crazy. I needed to get out of my house but I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t going to go to get supplies and there aren’t many other places to go. But I needed to not be home and I realized that I probably also needed to drive my car. I hadn’t driven it in a few weeks and I didn’t want the battery to die. So I decided on Sunday that I was going to go out for a drive.

I didn’t have a place in mind to drive to when I got into my car, but I decided to head toward the beach and see where I decided to go. I knew the beaches were closed and that the parking lots were likely closed too, but I figured if I couldn’t find a place to go I would just drive around for a bit and then drive home. No matter what, it would be something different than being home.

And when I got to the beach, I started to drive up PCH and thought I wouldn’t find anywhere that I could park unless I went much further north where I could park on the side of the road, and I didn’t feel like driving that much. So I drove toward Malibu and then found a place to turn around and head back. But on the drive back, right before turning away from the beach I saw a side street and decided to take a chance on finding some random street parking. After driving up and down a few streets, I found a parking meter and pulled over. And it was a parking spot with an amazing view!

There were a few people on the beach path, but there weren’t many people out (which is a good thing). I don’t know if I’ve ever seen the beach this empty before. Even on a rainy day, I would see people out there. It was so eerie seeing it like that, but it was also a bit nice because I had a really pretty view of the sand and water. I sat in my car for a while just looking out at the water and feeling lucky that I had the option to drive there and have a good view. And then I headed back home.

Even when I can start going to the grocery store again, I might have to do these random car adventures from time to time. It really helped me feel better just getting out and going somewhere different. I needed something to get me out of the feeling of every day being a repeat of the day before. I wish I could have done more, but for now, just driving somewhere might be my only option. But at least I have an option to do something and I need to make sure I plan to do more things like this to keep myself sane.

An Isolation Monthly Challenge (or Just Trying To Keep Things Going)

When I set up my monthly challenge for March, I had no clue what the month would end up being like. I really had all the best intentions to work on my budgeting and to get back on track with where my money was going every month. I know that this is something I need to do and that’s why I created the challenge. And for the first week or so, I was doing ok with trying to figure out a good plan for myself with what I wanted to do.

But then everything went crazy. I’ll do another post another time about my mental health right now because it’s been a lot. I’ve written a few things about it, but I feel like how I feel is swinging back and forth a lot. And part of the struggle with mental health has meant that I have neglected to do some things that I wanted to do. And budgeting did slip off my radar.

I have tried to catch up this month with getting back on track and I know I am making some good strides toward it, but there is a lot that I wanted to get done this past month that I didn’t even get close to doing. I wanted to do the online classes with how to use the software the best way possible and I never did that. I occasionally had to look up how to do something so I did learn a bit, but nothing like what I wanted to do. I still feel like there is so much I need to learn in order to feel comfortable with budgeting things the way I was able to do it before.

But I had to be gentle with myself because I know that I had the best intentions going into the month and I didn’t have any control over things going crazy. I know that maybe some people would have been fine and able to continue working on the goals that they had set up for the month. And maybe under other circumstances, I would have been able to do so. But that’s not how things worked out this time for me and I am ok with that. We are all dealing with something that we have never experienced before and we don’t know how we will react or deal.

And being in an unknown situation is what made me think of my monthly challenge for this month. I know that there is a chance that I will settle into how things are right now, but there’s a good possibility that I will be struggling the same way that I am now. Things keep changing so there is no way for me to feel settled or like I can be comfortable with how things are. I cannot control the world around me, I can only control my reaction to it.

And that’s what my challenge is for April. I want to stay more in control of how I’m dealing with everything. And the main part of that for me is trying to maintain a somewhat normal schedule. I do still have 4 days a week that I have to get up at my usual time to do work, but I have 3 days a week that I can sleep as late as I want. I did take advantage of that last week, and it’s thrown off my sleep schedule. Things aren’t my normal schedule and I can’t always do everything when I’m used to doing them, but I can create a new schedule for myself that is as close to normal as possible.

And along with that schedule, I can get better about regular meals. I have been cooking more, but I haven’t been great about eating as often or when I should. Having dinner at 9pm isn’t good for me, but it’s happened more than once. I usually don’t eat breakfast, but I have been doing that lately and I think it is out of boredom. I need to plan meals the best that I can and work on scheduling when I am going to cook and when I am going to eat.

The only thing I have been ok at trying to maintain is having a few fun things in my life. They are limited to things I can do on my computer or phone, so that is a bit of a struggle for me mentally. But it does help when I have something to look forward to in the afternoon or evening. I’ve mainly been doing movies with friends, but I should try to find other things that I can do virtually with friends. This will be over one day, but it might not be soon. I need to get to work on adjusting my life so I will thrive during this time. Surviving isn’t enough for me right now. I need to find ways to continue pushing forward and working on myself. And I think figuring out a plan for this time is the best way I can do that right now.

The Weirdness Of Being Sick Right Now (or Isolating Even More)

Last week, I started to feel like I was coming down with something. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it was just like when I normally can feel a bad cold coming on. I wasn’t having symptoms of COVID-19, so I wasn’t worried about that. I really just figured that I was coming down with a bug. And it is the time of year for that to happen.

And over the weekend, I did end up getting sick. My symptoms continue to be almost the opposite of what COVID-19 is (wet cough vs dry, no fever vs fever), so I still don’t believe that I caught that. Plus, if I did, I am having an extremely mild case since this really feels just like a cold. So I’m not too worried about myself right now. I usually get colds this time of year and it doesn’t surprise me that I would catch on right now.

But being sick right now isn’t like when I am sick any other time. I know that by now if I do have a cold that I am no longer contagious. I can pinpoint the day I would have caught this bug because I am not leaving my house much. So it’s easy for me to figure out when I was contagious and when I’m done. But going out when I am coughing and sneezing is not smart right now. Even though I feel certain that it’s not COVID-19, others might think that it is and would be scared that I would get them sick. So I don’t want to cause anyone else to be in fear if I was out in public.

But also, I have to be more cautious with my own health right now. I’m fighting some bug right now and my immune system is working hard at doing that. So if I was going out to get supplies, I am even more at risk for catching anything. And I’m not just worried about COVID-19. I would hate to get the flu right now (even though I got a flu shot) because I know how packed hospitals are. I don’t want to do anything that might require me to see a doctor. I need to keep myself as healthy as possible, not just for myself but for others. So even though I have been practicing isolation for a few weeks now, I’m stepping it up a bit for the next few weeks.

I am going to stay inside my house unless it is absolutely necessary. And to me right now, going out to get supplies is not necessary. I’m ok for most things, and I can get stuff delivered to me if I need it. I am trying to not use the delivery options too much because I know the delivery drivers are overextended and putting themselves at risk too. But it is an option for me so I’m using it and trying to make sure I don’t do it that often. I also have some friends who live in my neighborhood who have offered to get groceries for me. I’m trying to not do that because I know how stressful going to the store can be. But it’s good to know that I have more options than just delivery.

I’m treating this bug as if I had COVID-19. I’m avoiding all contact with others as much as I can for the next 2 weeks. I am already starting to feel better now, so I don’t think I’ll be sick for that much longer. This cold wasn’t that bad, but it was enough to give me a bit of a scare and made me re-evaluate what steps I have been taking and what steps I need to take now. And in 2 weeks, I’ll try to continue to do as much isolation as possible since that is what we have to do even when we are healthy.

An Update For My Union Friends (or Things Are Being Worked On)

I know so many of my actor friends are concerned right now about what is happening in the world for so many reasons. But one of the biggest concerns has to do with the complete shutdown of our work (we can’t exactly work from home as actors) and what protections we will have for the coming months. It is scary to not know when work could start again, especially when we already don’t know when we will book work. And some people are acting out in anger because of this fear.

Even if the union isn’t publicly announcing what they are working on, I want to share that they are working on helping us. Because the union is held to a certain standard and many things must be cleared by legal before they are made public, announcements don’t always happen until things are finalized. They are not taking time while working on things to confirm that they are working on it or updating the exact steps they are taking. But things are being done and that’s important to know.

I want to share something my friend Amir wrote the other day. This call was with some of us hearing what our leaders who are our friends could share with us. This wasn’t an official call or from staff. It was a call with friends who are leaders and were able to share some information with us.

I am not a SAG-AFTRA spokesperson, but as a union delegate and member of several committees, I am privy to information which other members may not be, and I am sharing what I can. I spent about 2hrs on a call with SAG-AFTRA leaders yesterday. Below is what I learned. I have been permitted to write this because union resources (incl communications) are stretched to the max in service to priority #1, getting members the help we need.

The staff and unpaid leaders of our union are working overtime in service of our members. President Carteris is working 18hour days, on calls with people not just within the union and over at the health plan, but all the way up to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. (side note it still blows my mind that this is a volunteer position for Carteris. I understand the politics of why we don’t pay our president but holy wow)

Here is what they have achieved so far:

-EARLY ON, Gabrielle and staff secured permission from government officials to consider residuals processing “essential business”, so that that dept could stay open even though most of LA is on lockdown. In fact, residuals processing is being stepped UP, to ensure that members who earn residuals can keep getting paid ASAP. Staff members are coming into the office, at literal physical risk to themselves, to keep us getting paid. It’s wild and I can’t thank them enough.

-EARLY ON, The SAG-AFTRA Foundation declared the pandemic a disaster, lowering the requirements to qualify for assistance, then lowering them again, so that members could get help from the Foundation, even before the government checks that will someday be on their way. People who’ve applied for Foundation assistance have already started to receive it. You can apply right now.

-As far as government assistance, there is a lot in the bill that just passed the Senate (and will likely pass the house) that is designed specifically for people like the members of SAG-AFTRA, ie people whose jobs are sporadic, with multiple employers every year, etc. That language is in there specifically because of daily lobbying by President Carteris with people like Kamala, Pelosi, Schiff, etc. Even after this bill, those conversations with reps in DC will continue.

-We have set up a portion of sagaftra.org to answer questions regarding COVID19 and direct members to relevant financial and medical resources.

-At the union’s urging, the SAG-AFTRA Health Plan recently secured telemedicine coverage from Beacon, so that members can get mental health treatment virtually.

There is more to come. To cover that, allow me to answer some FAQs with as much info as I am allowed to so far.

Q: Can I apply for Unemployment in CA even though I wasn’t “fired” since that’s not how Hollywood works?
A: Yes. List Coronavirus as the reason for being out of work and you will qualify.

Q: What is the deal with my health insurance? Can President Carteris extend it?
A: The SAG-AFTRA Health Plan is NOT run by the union. It is a separate organization. Some union members are on their board, but the Health Plan is a company with a board that is legally required to keep it solvent, and its finances were already quite stressed. What I can say is that it’s already committed to covering all COVID19 testing, and its board is exploring every avenue to try to make coverage available to as many members as possible for as long as possible. Expect much more on this in the coming weeks.

Q: Will we still have to pay our dues?
A: We are trying to figure out how to provide some sort of dues relief to members. It is unclear what that might look like, and it wouldn’t be prudent of me to discuss specifics of various proposals, but rest assured that there are several, and they are being seriously considered.

Q: I was hired as a guest star and then production shut down. Will I still get paid?
A: Yes. The only people for whom this could be complicated are series regs. I don’t have any more info on that.

Q: I read an article about how the SAG-AFTRA National Board is granting special governing powers to different board or something? What’s up with that?
A: 38 members of The National Board, an enormous 80-person body, comprise the National Board’s “Executive Committee”. They are a diverse group geographically and ideologically, although obviously they all want what’s best for members. They have often made decisions for the NB. To streamline things during this crisis, The National Board voted to allow the EC to make all decisions for the NB. That said, any decisions they make that would previously be required to be approved by the membership at large will *still* have to be approved by the membership at large.

Q: I need help or information, where do I get help or information?
A: Go to sagaftra.org and click on the COVID19 link.

Q: What can I do? How can I pitch in? Help out in the residuals department? Bring food to the staff?
A: Most of LA is on lockdown. We know that, in the spirit of solidarity and community, many want to get involved and get your hands dirty, but as you may have heard, the best thing you can do is *stay home* and *keep your hands clean*. But while you’re home, there are two huge things you can do to help:
1. donate to or raise funds for your fellow actors at https://sagaftra.foundation/assistance/disasterrelief/, and
2. pay attention to the union’s emails — if you get asked to contact your representatives, DO IT. Honestly, the conversations President Carteris and others are having with Pelosi, Kamala, etc are important, but just as important are when congressional staffers hear from hundreds or thousands of you. It truly does make a difference.

On a personal note, I know you’re scared. I am too. And I know it’s hard to trust the leadership of this country at times. But don’t let that lack of trust transfer to our union’s elected leadership. Our leaders are mostly just actors like you and me, volunteering their time to make sure that all of us are taken care of. No one at the union could have anticipated a moment like this. But we’ve been thrust into it. We may make some mistakes. But we will always try to fix them. And hopefully, we will all make it through this. But the easiest way for us to do that is together. Let’s not forget that.

Please know that our union leaders are working on things for us. This is something that nobody has experienced before and there are so many new things that are being worked on and figured out right now. But as soon as the union can share news and updates, they will. It’s important to look at every email you get from the union because there is a lot of information shared in those.

This is a scary time, but I am so grateful that our union has some amazing people working on this for us right now. They know what our concerns are and they are doing everything they can to help us. We will get through this. We will be ok. We will be back to work one day.

Just Taking Things One Day At A Time (or Handling What Is Right Now)

It seems like every single day things are changing with what is happening in the world. One moment we can go out and about as long as we are staying away from others and then the next we are told to stay home unless you have to leave for an essential reason. One moment everything seemed normal and that the world issues were far away from us and the next they overtook the country. One moment I was planning some really fun things with friends and the next everything is canceled.

I’ve been trying to not think what might happen next because it’s just too much. Even a week ago things were so different compared to how they are now. I can’t imagine what next week might be. And if I think about what else could come, it really overwhelms me. All I can do is focus on what is happening today and what I know is going on and hold on to that.

I have been lucky with my mental health for the most part. I have a few mental health issues, but they are mild and manageable. But now, I can feel things getting harder for me. I know it’s not just me and friends of mine who have never had mental health issues are struggling too. This isn’t something anyone has experienced before and there are no guidelines about how to handle it. We are all figuring this out together and somehow that does help me a bit. I’m not alone in my struggles and I have been reaching out to people to help me get through it.

I’m pretty isolated at home. I don’t have a roommate or pet in my house. I am not dating anyone that I would consider living with temporarily while in isolation. I’m by myself and all my interactions are virtual except when I go to the grocery store once a week or the few moments I see my neighbors when taking my trash out. I’m working on scheduling virtual events as often as possible so I don’t have too many days in a row where I don’t have anything other than work and sitting alone at home.

And because I’m home all the time now, it’s easy for me to get sucked into social media or watching the news and I know that isn’t helping me. I’m trying to limit my time looking at social media to specific blocks during the day. And I’m not watching a lot of news on tv because it’s just one scary story after another. I’m mainly using social media for news because it’s not as much at one time and it is broken up by the random other posts that people are putting up there.

This is all still a very new thing for everyone and we are all trying to figure out how to handle it. There is no right or wrong way to manage your time as long as you are doing things that you have to do (work if you work from home and take care of yourself like you normally do). Some people might need to be avoiding all social media and news and others might need to devour everything they can. Whatever we need to do to get through this time, it’s ok. All we can do is do what we need to do right now and hopefully, we can adjust as things change.

Forced To Do Some Cooking (or Making The Best Of Things)

There have been a lot of photos shared since the pandemic started. People in hospitals hoping to survive. People wearing masks and gloves in public. Places that are usually packed with people being empty because people are isolating themselves. But I think the photos I see most often are related to grocery stores and getting supplies. I see so many photos of people hoarding supplies and having full carts or empty shelves in grocery stores. I do understand how panic buying happens because I’ve had those same thoughts, but I don’t get it to the degree that some people are taking it to. To me, panic buying is getting an extra thing of soap and toilet paper when you are buying some, not buying enough to last you a year.

Because of people panic buying, the idea of going to the grocery store has become very stressful for me. I am trying to limit my shopping to once a week to limit my potential exposure to someone who might be sick or an asymptomatic carrier. But at the same time, I don’t know what I’ll find at the store when I get there. If there’s something I need, I know I could still go out and try to get it another time, but there is no guarantee I’ll find it. And again, every time I go to the store I am potentially exposing myself to the virus. So I’ve just been working on doing my shopping once a week and figuring it out from there.

Honestly, if I could just get microwave meals for most of my meals, I would be doing that. But frozen food is a bit limited at the stores right now (hopefully they will be restocked soon). Some fresh things aren’t as easy to find either, but there are some things I can get. I do have to cook for at least some of my meals. And as much as I would love to meal plan and cook based on that, I have to work around the idea that I don’t necessarily know what I will be able to get when I do go to the store. So my cooking has needed to be a bit creative and I’m not used to that.

I’m not a big cook and I have said for a long time that I need to be better about cooking more at home. It’s very easy normally to get prepared or frozen meals (or to order in) and I am a fan of the convenience. I’m not going to deny that some of that comes from being lazy. But it’s a habit that I’m not proud of and I have known for a long time that I need to do better. And I guess being forced into change was the thing that I needed.

I’m not necessarily cooking the way that I have always wanted to. The things I’m making are pretty random or boring. For example, I cooked some peppers and onions and put it over rice with some beans. It was nothing fancy, but it was food and I made it. And I am making enough so I do have some leftovers so I don’t have to cook every night. I would love to find ways to be a bit more creative as I’m forced to cook, but I can’t depend on getting all the correct ingredients for something. I guess I could make a list and see what I can get each week, but a lot of things are perishable so that doesn’t really make sense. So I’m really stuck with this mismatch cooking and figuring out what to eat.

The only things that I am trying to collect things and hopefully I’ll get everything soon are for baking things. I’m not a big baker, but there are a few things that I know are not as easy to find in grocery stores right now that I would like to try baking. I don’t have everything I need, but the baking supplies are dry goods so I don’t have to worry about them spoiling.

Maybe this method will work and I’ll like doing it. I might figure out some new favorites. Or maybe people will stop hoarding soon and the grocery stores will look normal again. I’m mentally preparing that it won’t be normal for a little while and that I’ll need to do my shopping once a week. And fortunately, the grocery store near my house seems to be pretty calm and decently stocked. They limit how many people can be in there at one time so nobody is rushing around trying to get everything they need. People aren’t leaving the store with carts full of food (or multiple carts). They really are only getting what they need and that helps everyone have a chance to get the food they need.

I still have been having panic attacks the past 2 weeks before going to the grocery store because I have no clue what it will look like when I get inside. But the most that I go in and see that it’s not too horrible, the easier it will be. And hopefully, my grocery shopping will get easier as I find a routine with cooking a few things that I feel confident that I can get the ingredients for each week. This isn’t really the way I imagined myself working on cooking more, but it is the way it is and I’m going to try to take advantage of the moment.

People Need To Just Stay Home (or This Isn’t Something To Ignore)

I understand that not all cities and states have the same restrictions that we have in California, but everyone in the country has been told to stay physically away from other people. Sometimes it’s called social distancing and sometimes it’s called physical distancing. Either way, the idea is that you shouldn’t be within 6 feet of someone who isn’t in your household. And there are a lot of places shutting down so that they can help people stay apart. I don’t know of any movie theaters that are open anywhere in the country. A lot of restaurants are closed for dine-in eating. And in LA, nothing is open unless it’s an essential place such as a bank or grocery store.

Personally, I’m not really leaving my house at all. Last week, I went to the grocery store on Sunday and I went to a doctor’s appointment on Monday. That’s it. I did walk to the end of my driveway to take my trash out and do laundry. But besides that, I stayed in my house and didn’t consider leaving. So many of my friends are doing the same and I thought that most people would be doing so as well. This is why I was so mad when I found out that people were crowding beaches and parks this past weekend.

I don’t know if people thought it didn’t matter because they were outside or they didn’t believe they needed to stay away from others. I really don’t get it. We have been told to stay at home unless you have to leave. This is not time to go to the beach and hang out. If you need to get some fresh air, going for a walk is fine. And yes, they said that hiking was fine as long as you weren’t near other people. But people should have seen how crowded the parks were and not go hiking there. Because of how many people were out in public over the weekend, things got a bit stricter here and public spaces are being closed for now.

If closing more things is what it takes for people to stay home, then I’m happy about that. This is only going to get better if people stay home. We need to isolate because if you are out in public you might be around someone who is sick. And even if you don’t get sick, you can still be contagious and pass it on to someone else the next time you are out. Or you can pass it on to someone in your home.

For a while, they were saying the people most at sick for seriously getting sick or dying were older or had some pre-existing condition. I’m sure we all know someone who fits the older category. Either your parents or grandparents if not friends. As far as the other high-risk category, some people have no clue if they have a pre-existing condition that will be an issue. You don’t always discover it until it becomes an issue. And there are some confusing things about what conditions make you at higher risk. I’ve heard that having any auto-immune conditions can make you high risk (not just being treated which I know can make you immunocompromised). I have 2 diagnosed aut0-immune conditions and 1 that hasn’t been officially diagnosed. So I might be high-risk. I might now. But I know plenty of people who are.

And now, they are saying that younger people are the ones getting sick and needing medical intervention. And if more people are hospitalized because they are sick, hospitals will run out of bed and ventilators. And doctors will be forced to choose who they treat and who they only give comfort care to so they aren’t in pain. If a doctor has to choose, they will choose the person that has the best chance of recovery. And yes, that does typically mean younger and healthier people so young people might still think they are fine. But imagine if your parent or grandparent is left without treatment because another young person was more likely to survive. Would you be ok with it because they were young and assumed they wouldn’t get sick? No event, trip, dinner out, hangout, or anything is worth sacrificing a life. We all have to isolate to protect everyone else.

We have no clue how long it will take for this to be over. Hopefully, a cure and vaccine are discovered soon, but there will still be a while before they are available to everyone. For now, the only thing we can do is stay at home. That’s not asking a lot of people. You are being told to hang out at home, not go out and do anything crazy. And the sooner people start doing that the sooner this will be done. Maybe we will have to do this for 2 or 3 months. Maybe more. But that time will end and then we can get back to our normal lives. It will be worth it. Sacrificing a little time for the rest of your life seems like a very good deal to me.

Craving Social Interaction (or Staying Away And Staying Online)

Even though I’m not someone who goes out every single day or spends a ton of time surrounded by others, I’m already feeling extra isolated and lonely right now. The few regular things that I do that are social (such as my workouts) are gone from my schedule. And the events that were coming up that I was excited about were canceled. My calendar is empty with the exception of work right now. And even though I can chat with my co-workers while I work, it’s still a solo thing.

I know that being isolated is the best thing for my health and the health of others. I might be at a slightly higher risk of getting sick, but I’m still low risk. But I have many people in my life who are very high risk and it’s not worth it for me to potentially pass something to them. So I’m staying away from people and I know it is for the best. I have no clue how long we will have to do this, but I don’t see it ending in the next week or two like some others were thinking. I hope it’s not more than a few months, but I know I have to work on not feeling more isolated already. It hasn’t even been a full week and I’m already feeling it and notice changes in my mental health.

But on Wednesday, I did get a nice dose of some socializing. In the morning, one of my friends came over because she needed to borrow an iPhone cable. It turned out I had the wrong cable, but it did allow us time to talk. She stayed in her car and I was by my front door, so we were easily more than 6 feet apart (what the current recommendation is for keeping distance from others). We were talking about a few random things and it was probably under 10 minutes, but it was the most in-person socializing I had gotten this week. It really did improve my mood and outlook and I’m so grateful I got that little boost.

And that evening, I had my first movie night in with friends. I think I’ll be doing a lot of these, but we used an extension for our web browsers so we were all watching the same thing at the same time and we had a text chat on the side so we could talk to each other. This was with one of the dating Facebook groups I’m in and we decided to watch “Always Be My Maybe” because we wanted something light and upbeat.

Even though we weren’t seeing each other or talking out loud, having something where we were seeing the same thing at the same time and could talk about it really did help make it seem like we weren’t apart. Texting randomly is good, but having some sort of community event was so much better. We have already planned to do more of these and I am planning movie nights in with several other groups I’m a part of.

And I’m also working on scheduling virtual happy hours with friends over Skype. The good thing is that it’s not as hard to schedule now as it usually is since nobody really has anything planned. The only thing we have to work around is any other virtual hangouts that people have with other friends. And it seems like everyone is doing these types of things now, so at least it seems like a normal suggestion.

Because there are so many people doing virtual events, there is a chance that my calendar can be more full than it was before. And I think I will need that because nothing replaces in-person time with a friend. But that’s not an option right now and we have to accept that. We need to find ways to not feel alone and being together online (or in-person but far enough apart) is all that we can do right now. At least I know that I’m not the only person who feels this way and that there are so many people who understand how I feel and we can help each other try to feel a bit better about this temporary situation we are all in.

Staying Isolated (or Doing My Part)

I assume everyone knows what’s happening in the world right now. For a while, coronavirus seemed like something so far away and not something we had to worry about. I don’t know if I was naive thinking that or hopeful. But for a while, I thought that it wouldn’t be something we would have to deal with. With other viruses similar to it, I don’t remember it being something Americans were this worried about. It could be because we have social media and instant news, or it could be because this is so much worse.

Right now, Los Angeles has shut down a lot. Essential things like pharmacies and grocery stores are open (and I’ve seen some other retail shops open that didn’t seem essential), but for the most part, things are closed and we are told to stay home. Not being around others is the best, and right now only, way to stop the spread. If I got sick, I would probably be fine. I know it’s not a guarantee, but I’m not as high risk as others. But there are people in my life that would be higher risk and I wouldn’t forgive myself if I passed it on to one of them and they got really sick or died. So staying away is necessary.

Almost all of my friends are working from home now. I’m lucky that I already work from home so that doesn’t feel different. But I feel so much more isolated than I ever have. Orangetheory is closed and that is such a huge part of my life for both my mental health and for my social life. I’m still texting and messaging with my friends, but it’s not the same. There are no places to go out and see people, nor can we really be around each other. This is for 2 weeks right now, but I have a feeling it will last longer. I hope that it doesn’t, but it seems like 2 weeks won’t be long enough to make sure that we stop the spread.

I’m doing ok. I was able to get to the grocery store and they had a lot of things still on the shelves. I got food and supplies to last me at least 2 weeks, but I am planning on trying to do weekly shopping so I can keep at least a week or 2 of food in my house in case I do get sick and have to stay home. With the exception of being alone and not seeing my friends, I have everything I need right now. Mentally, I’m not doing as great, but I’m not doing horribly either. I’m just very anxious and everything seems so overwhelming. I think this is because there are so many things changing at a rapid pace and there is no sign of that changing. I think about going to my sister-in-law’s baby shower about a week and a half ago. The world seemed so different then. I never would have imagined it to be like this now. And if then I couldn’t imagine this, what could life be like in another week and a half? I try not to think about that and just focus on what I can control, but I can’t help going through a lot of what-ifs.

I also wonder what to do with my blog. I would love to be able to blog every day, but I also don’t know what to write about. I will be writing about what I’m doing to manage things and how I’m trying to find ways to have some normalcy in my life, but if this isolation lasts over a month I might not have much to write. I guess if it comes to that, I will figure out a new blogging schedule and hopefully, you will all understand.

Please, stay home to help keep everyone safe and healthy. Even if you would be fine if you got sick, you don’t want to pass it on to someone who wouldn’t be ok. Putting your life on hold isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. And the sooner everyone can do that, the slower this will spread and the more likely it will be that our hospitals can take care of everyone who needs it. We will be ok. We will get through this. It might not seem like that right now, but soon enough we will be looking back at this time and a blip in our lives.

Trying To Be Cautious But Not Overreact (or Aware Of The News)

I would be surprised if there is anyone out there unaware of COVID-19 (or coronavirus) right now. It’s all over the news and there is no way to not see at least one story about it on social media. It’s almost impossible to avoid all the news about it unless you don’t watch any tv or do anything online. I’m not necessarily a news junkie, but I do pay attention to the news every day. So this has been something I have been reading and hearing about for a few months.

Whenever there is a big health-related news story, I try to not take everything that is said as the truth. There is usually some sort of spin to the story and I try to find a reliable source to get my information from and to confirm what I have gotten from other sources. For example, when some sources were saying that this was much more fatal than most other diseases, I was able to see online that while it was worse than some other diseases that it is not killing everyone who catches it. When some news was saying that the cases in this country would be down to just 1 or 2 within a few days, I was able to see online that wasn’t likely.

I’m not panicked about what is happening, but I am aware and being careful. I’m making sure I wash my hands much more often now and I am being cautious when I’m out if there is a large crowd. I’m not hoarding food or supplies, but I am making sure that my emergency kit is stocked and that I do have a bit more non-perishable food than I usually have in my house. I know there are several people who are stocking up, but I don’t feel the need to do that. It is a bit annoying that others are because it can make it difficult to get things that I need. For example, it took me 3 stores before I found one with any toilet paper for sale. I was out and needed to buy some, but other people were buying out the entire stock (I don’t quite understand why that is one of the main things people seem to be hoarding).

I don’t want to complain about things being canceled because I know they are doing it for a good reason. But it is sad to see so many things being canceled or postponed that I have been looking forward to doing. Some of them have been fun events and some of them are union meetings. With the union, almost all meetings have been put on hold because they are trying to make sure that we don’t get each other sick. For me, that meant 5 meetings this month are no longer on my calendar. I know that staying healthy is important, but I really have loved doing my union work and I’m sad that I will be missing that this month. And as far as the fun events go, I’m sure those will all be rescheduled at some point and I’ll have a lot of things back on my calendar soon.

With all the different precautions being put into place, I know I am very lucky if anything is done in LA. I already work from home so I don’t have to worry about what will happen if I can’t go to work. I do worry about if there will be as much work for me if things get worse, but I can’t think about that too much. I live close to different stores so I can get things I need (as long as they are in stock). I know some people are worried that grocery stores will be shut down and not open, but even places that have quarantines are keeping stores open so people can buy food and other things they need. I don’t need to worry about having to survive on only the things I have in my house. And I think everyone living in the US is pretty lucky because we do have good hospitals and so many scientists working on this situation right now. Even if politicians say that it’s not a big deal, there are others who know how bad it could be and are working on making sure that doesn’t happen.

I know that things can get really bad, but I’m trying to focus on the situation right now and taking the steps I can do now. And worrying too much or thinking up what could potentially happen isn’t a healthy thing for me. Even though my panic and anxiety aren’t as bad as it used to be, I don’t want to do anything that might trigger an attack or make me spiral. All I can do right now is stay aware, pay attention, and take little steps and actions that will make sure that I stay healthy and safe.