Category Archives: Tough Stuff

I Guess This Makes Me Feel A Bit Better (or A Physical Explanation For My Emotional Symptoms)

Posted on June 24, 2020 | Comments Off on I Guess This Makes Me Feel A Bit Better (or A Physical Explanation For My Emotional Symptoms)

The past week, I’ve been struggling more than normal. I haven’t been sleeping well. I have been feeling off. I had some body aches and pains that I couldn’t explain. And I just had a general feeling of uneasiness. I assumed that this was due to isolation and my mental health. I know a lot of people are dealing with a bit of depression right now and it made sense to me that I might be dealing with the same. I would almost be worried if I didn’t have a bit of depression right now. I don’t want the current state of the world to be normal to me.

So I had been trying to do things to make me feel better. I’ve been especially focusing on my sleep because I know when I’m tired it makes everything harder for me. I just couldn’t seem to sleep well even if I was going to bed early. I was tossing and turning a lot, and some of that was due to hip pain. I also couldn’t reach deep sleep and when I did I had some really weird dreams that made me wake up feeling very unsettled. Again, I assumed this was all due to the circumstances with the world and didn’t think too much about it.

And then, I ended up getting my period almost 2 weeks early. Sorry if this is TMI, but I write about this plenty. I write about how much pain and nausea I deal with and how much it affects my life. And usually, I deal with a lot of symptoms for 5-7 days before my period starts and I am pretty miserable. For some reason, because I wasn’t dealing with nausea, I didn’t even consider that everything I was dealing with could be this. Also, since I’m usually pretty regular I never would think that I would get my period 2 weeks early.

There are so many reasons why this happened. I am guessing a lot of it is stress and nothing more than that. I know there can be medical reasons for this, but that’s usually when you have irregularity happening more consistently and this was just random for me. Or at least I hope it’s random. I track things so I will know if it’s happening a lot before my next doctor’s appointment.

And now, I’m dealing with the pain and nausea that I usually have. That’s really annoying because I just got over nausea about a week and a half ago. I thought I would have more freedom from it. I’m used to having more time without it. But I can’t do much now except try to take care of myself with my usual remedies and medications. It’s not as bad as it has been before, so that is a good sign. Of course, it could get worse as this week goes on. But I’m going to be grateful that it’s not bad now and I didn’t have the week of nausea before this that I was expecting.

As frustrating as it is to have my period be 2 weeks early, in some ways, it’s also a relief. I never thought all these issues I was dealing with could be related to my period since I wasn’t expecting it. But now that I know my cycle was thrown off, almost everything makes sense. The weird pains I was experiencing can almost all be explained by this (except my hip pain, but that might be a weather thing). Moodiness and fatigue make sense. The issues sleeping make more sense, even though that’s not something I normally have it’s something I occasionally have. The general feeling of uneasiness makes perfect sense now. And while I can’t feel certain that everything I’ve been experiencing will end when my period does, I do have a bit of hope that it will. I don’t have to worry as much that this is just how I’m mentally doing because these issues did come on suddenly. I hope they will go away just as suddenly.

I know that if I googled irregular cycles that there can be a lot of reasons to worry (especially when you consider my age). But since this is a one-off thing for now, I’m not going to think too much about it. Hopefully, things regulate in my body for the next cycle. And if they don’t, then I can discuss it with my doctor when I go in for my next appointment. But for now, I’m just grateful that I have a better idea about why I have been feeling so off for the past few days.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailBack To Back Medical Issues (or I Guess My Body Gave Me A Sign) Default ThumbnailLA Is Shut Down Again (or Somehow This Makes Me Feel Better) Default ThumbnailA Low Key Post (or I Guess Things Come In Threes) Default ThumbnailSorry For A Quick Post (or Going Through A Tough Day) Default ThumbnailHappy Birthday To Me (or Why Social Networking Makes Me Feel Fabulous) Default ThumbnailI Feel Like My Body Is Playing Tricks On Me (or Trying To Beat My Nausea)

Comments Off on I Guess This Makes Me Feel A Bit Better (or A Physical Explanation For My Emotional Symptoms)

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , ,

Being Grateful To Have A Bit Of A Schedule (or Trying To Not Waste My Days)

Posted on June 23, 2020 | Comments Off on Being Grateful To Have A Bit Of A Schedule (or Trying To Not Waste My Days)

With everything pretty much being shut down for the past several months, my daily routine and schedule have taken a serious hit. While I didn’t necessarily love my schedule before, it kept me busy but allowed for a decent amount of free time. I had an idea of what to expect day to day and it allowed me to plan. And in some ways, I have been lucky compared to some of my friends. Many people went from having fully scheduled days to having nothing happening at all. I had a bit of a step down from my schedule, but it was still a shock to me.

The one thing that I have going for me right now is that 6 out of the 7 days of the week I do have something to do. It’s usually not much, but it’s better than nothing. 3 days a week I work for an hour. 4 days a week I have a workout at home. Only one of those days has both things. So I usually have either work or a workout and I do both of those in the morning. It helps to have it in the morning because it prevents me from sleeping in. I’m still struggling a bit with my sleep schedule, but I am getting better and at least my wakeup time hasn’t been affected much.

I am grateful to have that one hour a day that is scheduled. It does create a bit of a sense of routine and normalcy in my life when so much is not normal. I wish I had more of a schedule and routine, but I just haven’t been able to figure out what to add. I know that my moods aren’t necessarily stable right now so I don’t want to force myself to do something if I’m not feeling up for it. But it does mean that there are a lot of days that I haven’t really done much.

I have learned not to judge my productivity based on what I used to do, but it’s not easy to always remember that. I also try to remind myself that sometimes it is ok if I waste a day or two. If I need a lazy day before getting back to doing more, that’s ok. Being gentle with myself is a constant struggle and being in the middle of a global pandemic hasn’t made that easier on me.

I guess I’m also in a bit of a writer’s block moment too because I don’t know what else to write. I’d love to hear if any of you have had the same struggle with trying to create a schedule and what has or hasn’t worked. I have no clue when things will change for me (or for anyone), so I need to figure out how to maximize this time as much as possible.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailContinuing My Home Workouts (or I Really Am Grateful For Orangetheory) Default Thumbnail3 Movies In 4 Days (or I’m Grateful For Free Screenings) Default ThumbnailScheduling Without A Schedule (or Hoping To Make The Most of My Unemployment) Default ThumbnailMaking Busy Days Busier (or I Guess I Like To Maximize Only Certain Days) Default ThumbnailReadjusting (or I Guess I Forgot What It Felt Like To Work My Work Schedule) Default ThumbnailA Weird Workout Schedule (or Out With The Old And In With The New)

Comments Off on Being Grateful To Have A Bit Of A Schedule (or Trying To Not Waste My Days)

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged ,

I Keep Hitting Little Moments Of Writer’s Block (or Not Sure What To Say)

Posted on June 18, 2020 | Comments Off on I Keep Hitting Little Moments Of Writer’s Block (or Not Sure What To Say)

3 months ago, I wasn’t sure what I’d be able to do with this blog. I questioned if I would be able to maintain my normal posting schedule if I was isolated and not doing much. I didn’t know if my life would be interesting. I didn’t know if I would feel motivated to keep writing. And it has been a journey with trying to keep this up.

I think I have found the motivation to keep writing because it’s one of the only things in my life that hasn’t changed because of the pandemic. I am not writing at the same time I did before the pandemic, but there isn’t much that has changed about blogging besides maybe having more options for when I write. I still am doing my workout posts, even if they aren’t really recaps about my workouts and more about how I’m adjusting to working out at home. I don’t have much to write about that is outside my house since I’m not going outside. My posts are much more about mental health or things about me and not about fun things I am experiencing. I do prefer the types of posts I can write when I am able to go out and do things, but this isn’t the worst trade-off.

But the issue that does still hit me from time to time is what to write about. Sometimes things do come up so I have an idea about what to write. And sometimes, like right now, I have no clue what to write about. Nothing has really happened this week for me. I have had a few days where I wasn’t doing as great as I have been, but I got out of that funk. I’m not doing much with my days and I don’t know what I can do to change that. I am trying to find a purpose and be productive, but my options are really limited.

I don’t feel like there is much change from day to day. I have some days that I do a workout in the morning and some days that I work in the morning. Beyond that, there is much variety in my life. And without variety, there isn’t much to write about.

I do still want to write every day, even if I don’t know what to write about. I’ve hit these moments of writer’s block more than once during the past 3 months and I have always gotten over it. And I will get over this one too. I will have something to write about soon. I have a few things planned out over the next few weeks to write about, but I can’t write them yet as they are things that haven’t happened. But it is good to know that there are days coming up that I don’t have to worry about what to write about.

Sorry for not having an interesting post today. I really don’t know what to share. If there are things that you would like me to write about or if you want me to share what I have been reading and watching, let me know. I don’t know if anyone is interested in reading that, so if you let me know that you are then I will write those posts.

I’ll get over this writer’s block. I know it. But right now, it’s hitting me hard and all I really can think about writing about is how much I’m experiencing it. Hopefully, tomorrow I’ll have something better to share.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailHitting Some Writer’s Block (or This Is What I Thought Would Happen) Default ThumbnailHitting Writer’s Block (or This Is Going To Be Me Rambling) Default ThumbnailFeeling Weird About Blogging Other Stuff (or Posting Silly Posts Just Feels Wrong) Default ThumbnailAnother Downside To My Bad Week (or Just Doing Nothing) Default ThumbnailVulture Festival (or TV Writers and A Sing-A-Long) Default ThumbnailI’ve Got Writer’s Block (or I Might Have Taken Too Many Pain Meds)

Comments Off on I Keep Hitting Little Moments Of Writer’s Block (or Not Sure What To Say)

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged , , ,

What I’ve Done Over A Quarter Of A Year (or Feeling Ok With What I’ve Accomplished)

Posted on June 17, 2020 | Comments Off on What I’ve Done Over A Quarter Of A Year (or Feeling Ok With What I’ve Accomplished)

I’ve said this a few times already, but we have been doing isolation/quarantine for a quarter of a year now. When it all started, I know some people thought it would only be for 2 weeks, but I felt like it would be at least for a month. And if things were locked down more or cases were tracked and managed better, maybe we would have been in a better situation after a month. But things weren’t as strict as many they needed to be. And I know that if things were stricter, people would have been more upset. It can’t be easy to find the balance of protecting people but allowing them to not feel like they are trapped or not free. I wish that more places would require masks since that seems to be the way to manage this. But so many people are protesting against them (which I really don’t understand).

Even though things are reopening here, I really do fear that they will need to be shut down again or that more people will be getting sick and we will run out of hospital beds. That’s why I’m pretty much staying home all the time even though I don’t need to. I do have other reasons why I’m doing almost a full quarantine, but the main one is that I know that limiting my exposure to others is one thing I can do to manage the spread.

But being home almost 24/7 for 3 months hasn’t been easy. I’ve talked about the isolation and toll on my mental health it has taken. I’ve been working on finding ways to handle that and I do have more good days than I did before. But I do still have days that I struggle. I don’t worry too much about those bad days because I know I’m not alone in them. And when I’m feeling down, I do try to think of good things I have accomplished by being home.

Sadly, that list of things I have done is pretty short. I have done a lot of cleaning and reorganizing, but at the same time, I have spent money that I didn’t expect to spend. I know I’m saving money on other things so it should balance out, so that’s good. And I am happier with how things look in my house. Even though I haven’t changed much, it does feel like a refreshed home and that does make me feel like I’ve been able to make my home feel even more like me.

Another good thing I try to remind myself about is how I am cooking more. I have a few recipes that I feel very comfortable with that I don’t really need a recipe. I know what ingredients I need and I can put them together quickly. They aren’t anything fancy, but it does feel good that I know I can make a meal quickly and easily if I make sure I stock the things I need at home. I still want to branch out more with my cooking, but it’s much better than it was before.

I’ve also been working on trying to be better about what I am eating. I still am struggling and I’m not going to hide the fact that I have gained weight (the combination of not eating the best and also not working out as hard hasn’t been good for me). But I do want to try to pick healthier things when I can. And while I don’t avoid fruits and vegetables, I want to make sure I add more to my day. One way I’ve been doing that lately is making smoothies each morning.

I’ve had a good blender with an individual cup attachment for a while. But I just never used it that much. But I decided now is the time to do it. And the smoothies I’m making aren’t anything too crazy. I use a frozen banana, some fresh spinach (which I do freeze to keep it good longer), some Greek yogurt, almond milk, and peanut butter powder (I started with using real peanut butter, but the powder is healthier). So I’m getting in a serving of fruit and vegetables with each one plus some protein. They look just like any other green smoothie and they taste like one of my favorite smoothies from Jamba Juice.

I’m usually not a big breakfast person, but this is easier on my body to tolerate in the morning. I don’t know yet if this helps me enough with my food choices for the rest of the day, but I know it probably can’t hurt. The calorie count isn’t that high and it’s healthy. So I figure it’s a good thing to have most mornings and hopefully, it will have more benefits as I get used to having them.

I don’t feel like I’ve gotten much else done while staying home other than watching a lot of TV and reading a lot of books. I don’t feel as productive as I would like to, but I also know that the productivity that I had before isn’t necessarily feasible right now. I can’t compare myself now to what I was able to do last year since I don’t have the same options. So while I might not have done much over the past 3 months, I have stayed healthy. And I have gotten a few random things done or new potential habits started. And I should be grateful for those little things because they are victories for now.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailHow Is This Year Almost Over? (or Doing A Check In On My Goals) Default ThumbnailUnder 90 Days Left In The Year (or Doing A Bit Of Reflecting) Default ThumbnailHow Is This Month/Year/Decade Almost Over? (or I Think Everyone Is Shocked It’s Almost January) Default ThumbnailOne Year (or Actually One Year And A Couple Of Days) Default ThumbnailStarting The Year With A Lot Of Transformation (or Who Will I Be By Next Year?) Default ThumbnailNew Year’s Eve Fun (or Making Sure 2014 Is A Lucky Year)

Comments Off on What I’ve Done Over A Quarter Of A Year (or Feeling Ok With What I’ve Accomplished)

Posted in Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

Tagged ,

Working On My Reading List (or Thankful Again For The Library)

Posted on June 12, 2020 | Comments Off on Working On My Reading List (or Thankful Again For The Library)

When the Black Lives Matter protests started and the idea of working toward becoming anti-racist was talked about more and more, one thing people started to do was to create anti-racism resource lists. I shared links to a few of these lists last week. And I’m grateful that people took the time to create these lists so we could start working on our anti-racism education as soon as possible.

I started to watch video clips that were posted right away. And I quickly read many of the online articles that were shared. Those were easy resources to access and view. But I wanted to make sure I was reading books from the reading lists too. Ideally, I would have bought those books to support those authors. I know that is the best thing to do, but I really don’t have the money right now to do that. So the next best option for me was to get those books from the library.

And I think a lot of people had the same idea as I did because when I went to put myself on the waitlist for “White Fragility” (which was the book many people recommended to start with), I saw that it might be a while before I had a chance to read it.

But I think the library saw how many people wanted to read the e-book and they quickly bought more digital licenses for it. I got an email 2 days after putting myself on hold that the book was available. I am currently finishing another book I was already reading, but this is the next book that I will be reading and I have several friends also reading it that I can discuss things with.

The same day that I got off the waitlist for the book, I saw on social media that the library was posting about how they have added an on-demand social justice book section online.

There are so many books now that are available without having to put yourself on hold. I love that the library did this because not only does it help people read these books as soon as they want to but it prevents people from forgetting that they want to read them if they had to wait weeks or months before they were available. I do hope that reading anti-racism or social justice books isn’t just a trend or fad and people will always want to educate themselves, but I’m scared that in a few months people won’t be as passionate about the issue as they are now. So letting people read those books now (or listen to the audiobook version) is a really good thing.

I haven’t gotten any of the on-demand books yet since I am going to work through one book at a time, but I have been going through the reading lists and either putting myself on the waitlist or adding books to my wish list so I have more than just the ones that are on-demand available to me. I know that I need to read up on how to be anti-racist and I’m glad that the library has so many books for me to choose from.

If I feel like I need to re-read one of the books or take notes in them, I might buy one so I could do that. But for now, I’m just going to use the library for the resources they have for me and not use not being able to buy books as an excuse to not read them.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailSharing Some Resources (or Working On Being Anti-Racist) Default ThumbnailMy Book List (or Putting A Challenge From Facebook On Here) Default ThumbnailFirst Monthly Challenge Of The Year (or Setting Up For The Year And Self-Improvement) Default ThumbnailSo Much Reading (or Really Taking Advantage Of The Library) Default ThumbnailMore Eating Disorder Research (or Reading About HDE) Default ThumbnailRevisiting Old Characters and Stories (Or A Journey Of Re-Reading Books)

Comments Off on Working On My Reading List (or Thankful Again For The Library)

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged , , , ,

Feeling Weird About Blogging Other Stuff (or Posting Silly Posts Just Feels Wrong)

Posted on June 9, 2020 | Comments Off on Feeling Weird About Blogging Other Stuff (or Posting Silly Posts Just Feels Wrong)

My last few posts (with the exception of my workout recap) have been about the Black Lives Matter movement and my feelings about how I wrongly thought I was a good ally and how I’m trying to fix that. I feel like that was necessary to write about. I’ve written about BLM before and how strongly I feel about it. I’m not going to not write about something just because I’ve written about it before. And this time I have a new perspective on things and how I have been wrong before. I’m not perfect, but I’m working on fixing myself. I’m open to new ideas and how things I might have believed my entire life aren’t right. I’ve got a lot to change, and it’s going to take time. But I’m taking action and change as I can and I know that any steps I take to being a better ally are good.

And part of working on being a better ally is wondering when I can write blog posts that are about other things in my life. I have a few posts in mind, but I do feel weird sharing them when there are so many important things going on in the world. I’ve seen many of my fellow bloggers have this same struggle. We don’t want to seem like we are ignoring the issue, but we also might have other things we want to write about or don’t have enough new information to have a new blog post about BLM.

I haven’t been posting much on social media over the past week except for on my Instagram Stories. And almost everything I have posted has been about BLM. A few things have been random, but I don’t want to be silent or a part of the problem. And I think for a while, that’s how things will go for me. I see my social media platforms as a way to get information out quickly and frequently. My blog posts aren’t seen by as many people as my social media posts are and things I write can easily become outdated (and I don’t go back to edit old posts unless I feel the need to add an edit to the top, but the original content remains). So I know my voice on here isn’t as big as it is elsewhere.

I do still want to post about BLM, but only when I have information to share. That information might be some books I’ve read or shows I’ve seen, news about progress, things that need to be understood or protested about, and things like that. If I have a new realization about myself and the white privilege I have, I will probably write about that too. But I do want to write about a few other things that are happening as well. And I don’t want people to see me writing about other things as ignoring the issue or not considering it. I’m aware that I might get some backlash if I post something silly, but I do feel like my online presence is covering the issues in places other than here.

There may end up being a post about BLM every few weeks or every week. I don’t know just yet. I’m learning new things at as rapid of a pace as I can, but I also know that compared to others I might be slow to discover things. I’m not a perfect ally, not by far. But I am striving to be better and am listening to those around me who know more and know better for guidance. Whether or not I write about that on here doesn’t mean that I’m not doing it. But I will share things as I can about what I am learning.

And I would love it if people would write in the comments if there are any resources, media, social media accounts, or anything else regarding BLM that any of you feel like I should be aware of. I am taking so many suggestions and recommendations and I want to allow any of you reading this to share what you have found helpful. We should all be working together to be better allies and to share with others what we know and how we can learn more. I hope that you all have things for me so I can add them to my list.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailStill Taking Action When Overwhelmed (or We Cannot Stop) Default ThumbnailFeeling Understood (or The Relief Of Shared Problems) Default ThumbnailMissed Milestone (or 1,009 Posts!) Default ThumbnailI Keep Hitting Little Moments Of Writer’s Block (or Not Sure What To Say) Default Thumbnail1500 Posts (or This Really Is Just A Part Of My Life) Default ThumbnailThe First Of 2 Short Workout Weeks (or It’s Funny That This Feels Weird To Me)

Comments Off on Feeling Weird About Blogging Other Stuff (or Posting Silly Posts Just Feels Wrong)

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged , ,

Still Taking Action When Overwhelmed (or We Cannot Stop)

Posted on June 5, 2020 | Comments Off on Still Taking Action When Overwhelmed (or We Cannot Stop)

There is no doubt that this week was overwhelming for a lot of people. There are a lot of reasons you could be overwhelmed. For me, it was a combination of taking in a lot of information and working through it.

While some of this was related to the pandemic, it was mainly about the Black Lives Matter movement and working toward becoming anti-racist. It wasn’t easy realizing that while I thought I had been doing the right things and had the right beliefs that I was wrong. I never thought I would be told that. But it’s true and it’s a lot to take in.

A lot of people spent this week not posting their own things on social media and only amplifying voices that deserve to be amplified and might not typically have that chance. And for the most part, I did do that on social media. I rarely posted anything about myself. I did have my blog posts posted on twitter and Facebook. I did post a few other things that weren’t related to current issues. But I focused my time online on finding people who deserve to be heard.

And as far as writing my blog posts this week, I also felt like maybe I shouldn’t be writing about myself. I did have my workout recap and my monthly challenge posts. But I didn’t want to write about anything else that might be silly or frivolous. Being able to take a break from what is happening in the world is a privilege and I didn’t want to take advantage of that. I tried to stay focused on sharing important things, even if I was feeling overwhelmed. What I was feeling was only a fraction of the people who have been living with this for their entire lives feel. It’s only right for me to keep pushing through.

Instead of writing about something random, I just want to encourage you all to make sure you listen to what people are saying. Look at people on social media that you might not typically follow. See how you can help. Share information. And don’t stop doing that. Even if the protests stop, unless there is a change in this country with how the police treat black citizens, we cannot be quiet. Stay loud and make sure that those who need to be heard are getting heard.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailJust Taking Things One Day At A Time (or Handling What Is Right Now) Default ThumbnailFeeling Weird About Blogging Other Stuff (or Posting Silly Posts Just Feels Wrong) Default ThumbnailHappy Birthday To FMIB! (or 2 Years And Finally Taking Myself Seriously As A Writer) Default ThumbnailAnother Blog Anniversary (or When Will This Stop Surprising Me) Default ThumbnailOverwhelmed By The Election (or Politics Time) Default ThumbnailScheduling Conflicts (or Maybe I Should Stop Planning)

Comments Off on Still Taking Action When Overwhelmed (or We Cannot Stop)

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged , ,

Sharing Some Resources (or Working On Being Anti-Racist)

Posted on June 4, 2020 | Comments Off on Sharing Some Resources (or Working On Being Anti-Racist)

As I shared the other day, I am coming to terms with how I have never been anti-racist. It’s a very different mindset from what I have had my entire life, but I know that I need to change and I am so grateful that I have friends who have shared some good resources to work on this. One friend also shared that if you haven’t been anti-racist, you likely have had a bit of racism in you. I hated that idea, but the more I thought about it the more that I know it is true.

I don’t make an effort to only give my money to white-run business or to white authors, but that is what I have done if I look at my past. So many books that I love are about white characters. There are a few that are about black characters but often I don’t know that until I’m already partway through the book. If a character isn’t described by their skin color, I default to thinking they are white. And for brands, I usually don’t know who runs a company or pay attention to that. But I now know that black-run businesses don’t get the same opportunities as white-run businesses do so I might not have the chance to buy from them unless I make a little effort. I never was trying to avoid black-run businesses, I just didn’t know that because of many different factors I wasn’t being presented with the chance to buy from them.

Fortunately, during Blackout Tuesday there were so many lists going around with different resources for anyone to look at. There were books about racism or how to become anti-racist. There were lists of black-run beauty companies that many of us hadn’t heard of. There were movies, tv shows, and podcasts that discuss these issues that maybe hadn’t gotten the same publicity that other media had. There are hundreds of lists out there and the ones I am going to share are only a few. I recommend doing a search or looking on social media for more because there are so many out there.

The one thing I saw the most over the past few days was this link to a google doc of anti-racism resources. This has lists of books, videos, podcasts, articles, movies, and tv shows to look at to work on becoming anti-racist. There is also a section for resources of media to help raise anti-racist children. There is also a list of organizations to look at and their social media links so you can follow them on there. Plus they link to more lists of anti-racism resources.

This list from Medium has sections of what to read, listen to, watch, and follow on social media. There is also a section for kids and teens.

If you are going to be buying any books (either from these lists or books in general), this google doc has a list of black-run bookstores. They are listed by state and it includes if they are open for shopping, only doing curbside pickup right now, or only shipping. But there are so many stores you can buy from and I believe the ones that can ship books can ship them anywhere in the country.

Some people may think of black-run beauty businesses as companies that make products specifically for black people. That is not true. Just like how white-run beauty companies don’t just make things for white people (although you might be able to argue that they do, but that’s a very different story). Here are two different lists of companies to look at and you might find a new favorite product! I understand that maybe right now you don’t have money to buy any new products, but you can still look and take notes on what you’d like to buy when you have the money.

And if you want to do a search for black-run businesses in general, I found a few lists that do just that. Here is a list from New York Magazine. Here is the directory for Black Wall Street. And this is the link to Support Black Owned. Again, I know this doesn’t cover all the lists or all the types of businesses, but it is a start.

I’ve also seen lists of black-run restaurants and coffee shops, but I haven’t found a good list that I could share on here that covers more than just Los Angeles. Please do a search online for the lists for your area. Many of them are doing delivery and takeout or curbside delivery, so you can order from them even if restaurants are not open yet for your city.

Some people who believe the response to Black Lives Matter is to say all lives matter might argue that white businesses should get promoted too. But that’s all I’ve done in thousands of posts. I didn’t have to go out of my way to say they were white-run businesses. Unfortunately, that is the default. I am trying to use my voice and my blog to give some opportunity to a large group of businesses that I have not given that same chance to. Yes, people will still shop at white-run businesses and read white authors. I bet that most money will still go to those. But I want to make a conscious effort to not do that with all my money. I want to increase my awareness of businesses that I have not been shopping from in the past and make sure that I don’t fall back into that trap. I know right now everyone is hyper-aware of this issue and will be making efforts. I want to make sure that this change is permanent and not just because it’s such a big issue right now. And I hope that you all will increase your awareness, work on becoming anti-racist, and support more diverse businesses, authors, artists, and creators.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailWorking On My Reading List (or Thankful Again For The Library) Default ThumbnailStill Taking Action When Overwhelmed (or We Cannot Stop) Default ThumbnailBlack Lives Matter (or Working On Being A Better Ally) Default ThumbnailFeeling Weird About Blogging Other Stuff (or Posting Silly Posts Just Feels Wrong) Default ThumbnailWorking On Money Priorities (or What’s Worth The Splurge) Default ThumbnailCutting Back (or Unsubscribing Both Virtual And Actual Things)

Comments Off on Sharing Some Resources (or Working On Being Anti-Racist)

Posted in Beauty, Food, Shopping, Tough Stuff

Tagged , , , ,

Hope And Health (or I Don’t Have The Motivation To Do A Bigger Challenge)

Posted on June 3, 2020 | Comments Off on Hope And Health (or I Don’t Have The Motivation To Do A Bigger Challenge)

When I was struggling to figure out monthly challenges in the past few years, I had no idea how tough it would be to plan them when I’m isolated at home. Even though many of my challenges don’t involve me leaving my house to do them, my motivation while isolated is nowhere near it normally is. I don’t feel the push to do a ton every day. Some of this is due to physical exhaustion and some of this is mental exhaustion. This isn’t an easy time for any of us, but I’m trying my best. I am working on being gentler and kinder with myself because it’s so easy to compare myself now to myself before. But we are living in a different time and that’s not a fair comparison.

Because of those factors, my monthly challenges lately haven’t been very intense. They have mainly been about taking care of myself. Last month, I challenged myself to stay hopeful. And for the most part, I think I did an ok job with that. I paid attention to the news to see how things were progressing with testing and cases in LA. The news was sounding better. Things were starting to be able to reopen. Even if I wasn’t going to go to places, I was hopeful that them being reopened was a good sign. And I was staying hopeful that we were through the worst of this wave (I still fear another wave in the fall, but that’s another issue).

But then at the end of the month, it became harder to be hopeful. Not because of the pandemic but because of police brutality. I was saddened to see those stories happen, but I tried to stay hopeful in amplifying the voices that needed to be heard and working on being a better ally. I wasn’t quite as hopeful as I was before, but I also became more aware of the racism and discrimination out there that I might have been blind to before. I found hope in seeing people taking action and learning how to take action myself. I am hopeful that one day, we will find a way to have systematic change with law enforcement and how people are treated. I am not hopeful that it will happen soon. It will take a lot of work and we cannot let up.

This month, my challenge is related a bit to wanting to be hopeful. I want to work on my health. This is about both my mental and physical health. For my physical health, I need to find ways to work out harder and I need to eat better. Those aren’t easy, but they can be done. And they are things that I have been working on for a long time.

But more importantly, I want to work on my mental health.

I am overwhelmed with everything going on in the world and it would be so easy to retreat and hide. But the more I learn about racism the more I know that I cannot use my mental health as an excuse to avoid hearing these stories. I need to find a purpose and actionable things to do whenever I hear stories of police brutality or racism. I need to find a way to not let these affect my mental health because I need to be a source of amplification of voices who may not have the same privilege that I do. I need to find a way to turn this activism into a positive thing for me and not an upsetting thing. This is a huge shift in my mindset, but I know it will be for the better. If these situations don’t make me run and hide but instead make me feel like I can help and seek ways to do so, I will be a better ally for so many people. I will likely be able to handle other stress in my life as well, but that is not my focus. My main focus is to turn the feeling of being overwhelmed or sad into the push to get to action.

I have already been working on this idea. Yesterday was Blackout Tuesday where we were not supposed to post on social media. Originally, I thought that meant we were supposed to stay off of social media and I was planning on doing that. It would be an easy way to avoid and hide from things. But my friends corrected me and said it was not about being silent but about sharing and amplifying the voices that should be heard right now. And that’s what I did. I found posts from leaders in the Black Lives Matter community and shared them. I took time to educate myself, find reading and watching lists, and followed new accounts that I know would continue to share information. I didn’t hide and avoid things because that would have been easier. I took in the information, which wasn’t always easy, and made sure to share it. And I feel like I felt better doing that than I would have if I didn’t.

Hopefully, I will be able to continue to strengthen and repair my body and mind this month. My mind is the priority to me because I know that being able to be focused and taking action is more time-sensitive. I know that it is needed now. And I am hoping that doing that will lead to other positive changes with my mindset and how I react to things that might be negative or upsetting. I want to be a voice of change and not a silent supporter.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailMonthly Challenge Update Time (or One More For 2017) Default ThumbnailStill Trying To Get Back To Normal (or Isolation Monthly Challenges Really Are Not Easy) Default ThumbnailMileage And Motivation (or Another New Challenge) Default ThumbnailDoing A Health Check-In On Myself (or Seeing Where I’m Slipping) Default ThumbnailRunning For Cancer (or Health Supporting Health) Default ThumbnailMental Health Month (or Better Late Than Never)

Comments Off on Hope And Health (or I Don’t Have The Motivation To Do A Bigger Challenge)

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged , , , , , ,

Black Lives Matter (or Working On Being A Better Ally)

Posted on June 2, 2020 | Comments Off on Black Lives Matter (or Working On Being A Better Ally)

There is no debate that our country (and a lot of the world) is hurting right now. There have been protests that were peaceful (and some horrible people took advantage of and made violent). There have been curfews in Los Angeles because of this. And while the murder of George Floyd was what people were protesting, it was not just because of that murder that people were upset.

Police brutality, especially against black Americans, is unfortunately not a new issue. Just in the recent past, we have multiple instances of this. There was the shooting of Breonna Taylor, who was sleeping at home when police burst into their home and her boyfriend reacted as if someone was breaking in. The police were not in uniform and did not knock or announce themselves. I can’t imagine why anyone would assume someone breaking into their home would be police and not a criminal. Her boyfriend shot to defend them and their home. And the police shot back and killed her. I have heard that they weren’t even at the correct home when the police barged in. And the person they were looking for was already detained. Her death was so senseless and unnecessary.

The murder of George Floyd was just heartbreaking. I have seen the video, and I feel horrible that I watched it. Someone’s death should not be used as a learning tool. But I have also seen the videos of him before the police were kneeling on his neck, cutting off his air supply. He was already in handcuffs. He was not fighting. He wasn’t happy about being taken away in handcuffs, but he was not a threat. And the officer that was kneeling on him did so for almost 9 minutes. 3 of those minutes were after he was unconscious. That was also unnecessary. And none of the police officers watching this man die said anything. They just stood back and were silent.

I cannot imagine the fear that black Americans feel every day with what the police might do. I am privileged that way. But I have always considered myself an ally and that I try my best to help. But with the protests in the past few days, I have realized that I have not been as good of an ally as I could be.

I was raised in a pretty diverse area. I was raised to not see color. I had friends that were diverse. My parents never thought twice about a friend who didn’t look like me. My high school was even featured in the newspaper for not having a majority of any ethnicity. I took this idea of not seeing color throughout my life. And I have learned how wrong this idea is.

The idea of not seeing color means you don’t see the discrimination or issues of those who might not look like you have. It’s almost the same idea of All Lives Matter (an idea I hate and feel is disgusting). I do beleive that Black Lives Matter is an important movement and have supported them. But I have realized that my privileged place of claiming to not see color is also discounting the issues that others may be experiencing. This wasn’t intentional, but I know that I did it. And I am working on correcting my mindset and I know I have to learn to grow.

I also never gave a thought to the idea of not being racist versus anti-racist. I believe that I am not racist (although I have learned that some of the privileged thoughts that I have could be considered a bit racist, but I’m working on it). And I have always thought that racism is wrong. But I don’t think I have ever been actively anti-racist before. I am working on that now. I am making sure that I am speaking out against racist behavior and not just not acting that way on my own. I am using my voice when and where I can. Being silent is the same as agreeing with the hatred and I will not do that anymore.

And while I cannot donate a lot of money, I made some small donations this week to groups that are helping. Even though my donation alone won’t be enough, if thousands of people gave small donations it adds up and can help make real change.

The groups I donated to were Campaign Zero, The Freedom Fund, White People 4 Black Lives, and the ACLU. I encourage everyone to donate to those groups or the others that are helping the protesters or helping to eliminate police brutality. If you have been watching any of the protests, you have seen how the police have been acting. They have been shooting people with rubber bullets who are not doing anything or at reporters who are doing their job. They have arrested reporters for no reason. They have run over protesters. They have maced people who were walking by. This is despicable behavior and it must be stopped. So many innocent people have been hurt by the police during these protests. The police were not defending themselves, they were acting up. And if they are supposed to be the calm and rational people to defend us, they need to be retrained. Acting rash and attacking citizens who are not doing anything wrong is not what we need. And yes, some criminals do need some stronger force, but that force should not equal death. It’s not a black and white issue of doing nothing or acting at full force with all of their strength. There are so many shades of gray with how police can stop the illegal behavior. And they need to do that more often.

I’m working on being better about using my voice for what I believe in. I know I’m not perfect and I know I have a lot to learn. I have asked some friends of mine who are very involved in activism to call me out if I am not being a good ally because I know they will do it from a place of love. But it is not up to them for me to be better. I need to be in charge of educating myself and making sure I am the person I want to be.

Please, don’t ignore the protesters just because you may disagree with how they are doing it. First, the protesters are typically not the ones looting or causing destruction. The protesters have been begging people not to do that and there are lots of videos showing them stopping it. And for people who say they should be doing more passive protests, that’s what they have been doing for too long. Take kneeling during the national anthem. So many people who said it was wrong and disrespectful to do that are now saying the protesters should have done something that was calmer. That’s what they were doing while kneeling. They were not respected or heard then. So they had to be louder. And now is the time to listen, learn, and speak out.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailWhat Is Happening? (or Why I Support Black Lives Matter) Default ThumbnailSharing Some Resources (or Working On Being Anti-Racist) Default ThumbnailHope And Health (or I Don’t Have The Motivation To Do A Bigger Challenge) Default ThumbnailIndependence Day Thoughts (or I Know I’m Privileged) Default ThumbnailBeing Underestimated (or Does My Opinion Not Matter?) Default ThumbnailWhat I’ve Been Eating (or Does It Really Matter If I’m Still Under My Calories?)

Comments Off on Black Lives Matter (or Working On Being A Better Ally)

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged , , , ,