Category Archives: Tough Stuff

On Hold With Work For Now (or It’s Now A Waiting Game)

Posted on August 5, 2020 | Comments Off on On Hold With Work For Now (or It’s Now A Waiting Game)

When the pandemic hit, I knew my day job doing customer service was going to be affected. And it was affected in stages. First, my hours were cut in half (same as my salary). That went on for a little while. And when that was happening, it was only me and my manager working. My manager did work a little more than I did, but we still pretty much were working together as a team.

Then, my manager had to take leave. I’m not going to go into why because that is her business, but she let me know that she wouldn’t be working and it was going to just be me. And when that happened, my hours and pay got cut even more. I was down to working only 3 hours a week (1 hour a day for 3 days a week) and my pay was cut even more. It was less than my hourly pay would be for 3 hours, but I also understood that the company wasn’t bringing in any money because all of our locations were closed down. So any payments that I could get was nice. And it wasn’t too hard because we also didn’t have a lot of customers. But even though my manager wasn’t working, she would still log in to our chat system to keep me company and to help me out when I needed an extra set of eyes to do some research.

And that’s what my life has been like for the past few months. Minimal work, but I also was collecting unemployment (you can collect to make up what you aren’t earning if you have reduced hours). It wasn’t ideal, but it was what it was and I was grateful to have some schedule and sense of normalcy.

Then things changed again.

Last week, I was put on hold from my customer service job. My manager was going to take over the hours that I was doing (which does make sense as she is the manager and there are some higher-level things they are going to try to work on now). And I was technically out of a job. I do still have my other job doing research, but that is limited hours to begin with. Fortunately, I’m not going to be losing money since I will get it in my unemployment now instead of my paycheck (although we did lose the $600 bump which is something I really needed). And I am going to log into the chat system for the hours I was working to be there for my manager the way that she was there for me. I’m technically not working when I’m logged in, but I’m there so she’s not alone and if she needs help looking something up in the ticketing system I can do so. And just like I was grateful for the limited hours I had to make things feel a bit normal, I’m grateful to be logging in so that I feel like I have a schedule and responsibility.

The owner of the company did tell me that the plan is to hire me back as soon as they can. But we don’t know when things will be back to normal again. It’s hard when our shows are large crowds in a room sitting at tables together. It’s exactly what you aren’t supposed to be doing right now. There are a few cities that are open and have shows because their case numbers are low enough, but it’s a fraction of what is normally open. But I do feel grateful that the owner said that he was planning on bringing me back. I don’t feel like I was fired. I’m just on hold until I can return to work. I still consider myself an employee of the company and there is no reason for me to think that when work starts up again that I won’t be coming back.

I’m really hoping that the unemployment bump returns because that will make me feel much more comfortable about my situation right now. I am much luckier than most people because I do have some money saved that I was hoping to use for something fun or for a future down payment on a condo, but I can use it for rent and bills if necessary. I also know I can ask my parents for help if I really need it. I’m so grateful for those options, but I hope that I don’t have to use them.

I did work on my resume and update it (and used a new template to make it look better) and I probably will look into other remote jobs that have openings right now. I don’t necessarily want to find a new job, but unless I know the unemployment bump is coming back I will need to figure out how to make money. Maybe I’ll luck out and find something that is remote and temporary and I can go back to my customer service job when that is back. I know there are jobs right now for grocery stores or delivery services because those are needed, but because I do have a higher risk of getting sick I don’t feel like taking one of those would be the best thing. So I’m only looking at openings for remote work.

I know I will get through this time. This is temporary. Things will be reopening again and my job will be coming back. I would love to know exactly when that would be happening or to have an idea of how long this will last, but we really don’t know. I doubt any of us expected to still be in this situation in August. Especially with it being worse than it was before. But eventually, it will be better. And I’ll be back to work and so will my co-workers. I do miss working with them and I can’t wait until we are virtually reunited and back to what we are used to.

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Default ThumbnailTime To Make A Game Plan (or Guess I’ll Be Doing Some Job Hunting) Default ThumbnailGetting My Butt In Gear (or Missing Out On Fun Stuff To Work) Default ThumbnailBeing On Hold With A Job (or Not Quite A Quitter) Default ThumbnailWork Work Work (or Another Very Part Time Job) Default ThumbnailReadjusting (or I Guess I Forgot What It Felt Like To Work My Work Schedule) Default ThumbnailWorking To Find Work (or Maybe My Last Work Related Post Did Get Read)

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Doing A Health Check-In On Myself (or Seeing Where I’m Slipping)

Posted on July 30, 2020 | Comments Off on Doing A Health Check-In On Myself (or Seeing Where I’m Slipping)

I think it’s a pretty common thing right not to be struggling. We are going through a pandemic and life is so uncertain. People are scared of getting sick or being a carrier and getting someone they love sick. They are lonely at home or if they live with others unable to take time for themselves. Our routines are completely different and it’s hard to figure out a sense of normalcy. Almost everyone I know (at least in the US where the pandemic is still hitting us hard) is struggling with food or weight. I don’t know anyone who says they are doing just as great as they were before.

Struggling sucks. Even when you know that you aren’t alone in the struggle, it doesn’t necessarily make you feel better. And I know that I’m struggling right now. There’s no question about it. I’ve written about different struggles I’ve been having and I think that having an outlet to write about it has helped. But it hasn’t made it go away.

I want to say that I am ok and nobody should worry about me. I’m safe, I’m healthy, and I’m going to be ok. I am not worried about myself or if I’ll be ok because I know I will be. I just sometimes struggle randomly or my brain doesn’t want to remember that this time is temporary and eventually it will be done.

But even though I’m ok, that doesn’t mean I’m ok every day. I don’t believe that I have depression, but I know I have symptoms of being depressed. I am not enjoying some of the things that I know make me happy. There have been days that I wished I could just sleep away the day and thought maybe somehow the next day would be more interesting (even though my days don’t have much variety). I deal with loneliness a lot. The lack of physical contact or touch with others is a big struggle. I crave some of my normal life back and that’s just not possible.

I am working on being more social with friends and family in ways that I can be safely social. But even when I’ve had weeks where I was talking to someone on the phone or had a Zoom hang out almost every day, I still feel lonely. Being alone in my house isn’t easy. If I lived somewhere bigger, I might have asked a friend if they wanted to stay with me during this time so we didn’t have to be alone. But that’s not exactly an option for me right now. And I don’t know if seeing a friend from a distance is going to be enough for me. I know it helps because it has given me a boost when I have done it. But I also wonder if I won’t get the same boost now as I did before because I’m struggling more.

And I know my physical health is struggling too. This time is exceptionally hard for anyone with an eating disorder. I know I’ve gained weight in the past few months. Some of it is possibly stress-related, but I also know that I haven’t been eating the way that I should and my workouts aren’t as hard as they normally are. So it would make sense that I would gain weight. But I hate it. I feel really uncomfortable in my body right now. I want to get my weight back to where it was. I would prefer to work on losing weight again, but just to get back to where I was in March would be so nice. I’m trying to do the right things to get myself back on track, but then I slip up. This feels so much harder than any other time with my eating disorder and I wish I could figure out what I need to do to start getting back to the old me.

I remember seeing something on social media about how we shouldn’t be comparing ourselves now to ourselves before the pandemic started. We aren’t the same people that we were before. We are dealing with things that we never have had to go through. We are trying to live our lives through a pandemic and it’s a mix of normal life and everything being crazy. Struggling right now is normal. And it’s also normal to reach out for help. I have reached out to my therapist to make sure that I shouldn’t be worried about how I’m struggling. And I’ve been told that I’m doing ok, but if I feel like I need some help then we can discuss medication. I don’t want to go that route yet (just because of how often I deal with side effects), but I’m glad it is an option I can explore if I feel like I need it.

Hopefully writing this all down is going to help me feel a bit better about things. I can tell that it does feel like a bit of the weight holding me down has been lifted. I don’t know if this post will help me find a way back to the old me or a way to get back on track, but right now all I want to get to is to feel like I’m not struggling as much. It’s a small goal, but it would make me feel so much better.

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Default ThumbnailHealth and Not Weight Loss (or My Current Game Plan) Default ThumbnailHope And Health (or I Don’t Have The Motivation To Do A Bigger Challenge) Default ThumbnailAnother Therapy Check In (or Someone Sees Progress) Default ThumbnailMental Health Month (or Better Late Than Never) Default ThumbnailA Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In) Default ThumbnailAn Easy Therapist Check-In (or Virtual Appointments Make Things Easier)

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Needing To Take Care Of Myself (or Not Ignoring All Pain)

Posted on July 29, 2020 | Comments Off on Needing To Take Care Of Myself (or Not Ignoring All Pain)

Pain is a daily thing for me. It’s not fun and I wish my life wasn’t this way, but I have learned to deal with it. Most of my pain is related to either my hips or monthly cramps. I know what to take to try to make them better and I know that it’s nothing to worry about. Pain is just a way of life for me and I have accepted it.

But because I deal with pain every day, I also think that I ignore some other pain my body has from time to time. I don’t want to obsess over every ache and pain that I have and I’m pretty good at not paying attention to it. But at the same time, when I have pain that doesn’t go away, I don’t want to ignore it and realize things might be getting worse. And that’s something that I have been dealing with for a little while.

I had some weird pain in my elbow for the last month or so. And it just started out feeling like I might have bruised something or pulled a muscle. I didn’t think too much about it and figured it would go away. But it hasn’t been going away and it’s been getting worse. Now, there is a constant pain in my elbow and forearm. And when I wake up, my arm is hurting so much that it takes a few minutes before I can really move it.

I know this probably sounds a lot worse than it is, but it’s also not something to ignore. And based on my symptoms and where the pain is located, I’m pretty sure it’s tennis elbow. This is good because it’s not serious but not so good because there really isn’t much you can do to make it go away.

But there are some things I can do to make it better and easier to deal with while it gets better. So I’ve ordered some things like an arm brace that is supposed to support the tendons in my arm better so they don’t hurt. And a supplement that was recommended by people I know who have had the same issue. These things are supposed to arrive today so hopefully, they start to make things feel a bit better soon. But I also know it might take a month or so before I really feel like things are improving.

I guess this isn’t the worst thing or the worst timing. I’m not doing much so at least the pain isn’t affecting my life too much. And I have the time to rest and take it easy. But it still is unfortunate that I’m in pain because even though I’m used to it it’s never a fun time.

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Default ThumbnailSleeping Away The Day (or Sometimes The Pain and Nausea Are Just Too Bad) Default ThumbnailFeeling New Aches And Pains (or Working On More Pain Management) Default ThumbnailFiguring Out My Pain (or Staying Calm While Stressing Out) Default ThumbnailPain Distracts From Other Pain (or The Rain Isn’t Too Bad This Time) Default ThumbnailDealing With The Pain (or Not All Pain Is The Same) Default ThumbnailDoubling Up On Pain (or Physical and Mental Pain Together)

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Feeling Like I Have Nothing To Say (or I Can’t Let This Isolate Me More)

Posted on July 28, 2020 | Comments Off on Feeling Like I Have Nothing To Say (or I Can’t Let This Isolate Me More)

I’ve written on here about not having much to say. I have worried about running out of ideas for blog posts and if I should take a break. Fortunately, I haven’t run into that problem just yet, but I have come close. There have been plenty of times I have worried about what I would write until the last minute. Or I just write about not having anything to say. My life is pretty boring these days. Some days I work for an hour (although I might be getting a few more hours soon). Some days I exercise. Some days I watch movies on a streaming service. I don’t have much else going on in my life. I don’t think many people who are single and living alone have a lot of other stuff happening, so I know I’m not alone in this.

I really thought running out of things to write on here would be the biggest issue about being bored or not having much going on in my life. I don’t like being bored, but it doesn’t really affect anyone else as long as I’m safe and healthy. But I didn’t think of other things that being bored and having nothing happening could lead to until recently.

We are over 4 months into things and I think some things are only just hitting me now. When the safer at home orders started, I think we all had a few reactions right away. Most of us probably thought this would be over within a month or two. I know I thought that. I was so sure that by the start of summer things would be somewhat normal again. And the other thought a lot of us had was a sense of fear or panic and we were just very worried about what would happen. I had that feeling too. The stress of what would or could happen was a bit overwhelming. Now that things are a bit more routine or normal (or as normal as isolating at home can be), I don’t have that same fear any more. I do still worry about what would happen if I got sick because I do live alone. But that’s also why I am being extra cautious and really don’t leave my house at all.

Now, I have no clue how much longer this safer at home idea will last. If I’m being realistic, I think we will be doing this until there is a vaccine (so until next year at least). I think there is a chance that it will take until next summer for things to be somewhat normal. And while that does suck, sacrificing one year of my life for being alive for hopefully another 50 years is worth it. So I’m just dealing with this and taking things day by day.

I’m not used to physical isolation and I think this will always be a struggle. Humans are not meant to be without any touch. But I have accepted that this is going to be this way for a while. But I have tried to not isolate myself socially. There are so many ways to stay in touch with people while not being with them. I’ve been doing a lot of Zoom hangouts and virtual movie nights. And those help some. Especially the virtual movie nights because that does give me something to talk about. But I’m starting to realize that running out of things to say isn’t just limited to this blog.

In normal times, I either talk on the phone or text with friends and family every day. But now, I’m not doing that too often. I do call my parents whenever I have a specific question about something or have something to update them on. But that’s not as often as I normally talk to them. And when I do have something to update them on (like the union election), they usually will ask me at some point if there is anything else happening. And the answer is pretty much no. I don’t have anything happening. And that’s ok because it’s what is keeping me safe and healthy to the best of my ability. And I know my parents are happy that I’m not going out and doing lots of stuff because they have the same fear as I do about if I got sick while living alone. And the same issue happens with my friends. I usually am trying to plan random outings and now there is nothing happening. I might do a socially distanced hangout at the park in the next week or two, but that’s still up in the air. And it doesn’t take the same type of planning as a Disney day does. So I’m not talking to my friends much right now either. Because how many times can you say “I’m bored doing nothing”?

I know I’ve been doing this for the past few months, but it’s only been hitting me a lot the past few weeks. I have realized how little I’ve reached out to my friends because I don’t have much to say. I feel bad complaining when I know I’m much luckier than some of my friends. And I worry that I will sound so negative and I don’t like being that way. That’s not an excuse to not reach out to people, but it’s the excuse I’ve been making to myself. I don’t know how to fix it, but I need to. Because I can’t isolate myself more and more.

I need to get over my fears of not having anything to say or contribute to a conversation. I need to reach out so I don’t feel more isolated than I do already. It’s not easy, but it’s something that I’m trying to work on now.

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Sleeping Away The Day (or Sometimes The Pain and Nausea Are Just Too Bad)

Posted on July 22, 2020 | Comments Off on Sleeping Away The Day (or Sometimes The Pain and Nausea Are Just Too Bad)

Every month, it’s not a surprise for me when I have to deal with pain and nausea. It’s not fun and I wish I could change this about my life, but there aren’t really any options for me that are reasonable at this moment. I could try birth control pills again, but those will likely make my tumors grow again. There’s a small chance that it won’t do that, but it’s not worth the risk for me right now. The other option is to have a hysterectomy. I’ve actually thought more seriously about this lately, but I’m not ready to take that step just yet. So until then, I just have to deal with the pain and nausea every month.

I’ve said to many people that I feel like there is a set amount of pain and nausea I have to have each cycle. Just to explain it, let’s say I have to get 100 points of pain and nausea. Sometimes, it’s 10 points for 10 days. Sometimes it’s 20 points for 5 days. But that’s a general idea. But sometimes, I feel like I get almost all the pain and nausea in just one or two days and it’s close to unbearable.

That’s exactly what happened on Monday. I had mild nausea for the few days leading up to Monday, but Monday was just the worst. The pain was making my vision go white from time to time (like what my hip pain can do at times). The nausea made me want to live on my bathroom floor all day. I honestly don’t remember having a day that bad ever, but I’m also sure that if I have my mind blocked it because it was so bad. I tried to work out and that kind of failed (more about that in my workout recap next week). I had to get some work stuff done and I did it, but it took me significantly longer than it should have because I had to keep stepping away.

And when I was done with all the stuff I had to do, I went to lay down to try to feel better. And I ended up sleeping away almost the entire day. At least when I was asleep, I wasn’t feeling the pain or nausea. I’m sure I needed some sleep because I haven’t been sleeping well lately, but this was mainly sleeping to make the day go by faster and easier. And it did do that, so I’m grateful for it.

I’m writing this post on Tuesday and I’m still pretty miserable. It’s not as bad as Monday was, but it’s still pretty bad. I’m planning on resting in bed for most of the day while medicating myself and having heat pads. I might end up sleeping the day away but I also know doing that can mess up my sleep schedule a bit. But sometimes, that’s all I can do for the day, and the best self-care that I can do is to not have to deal with the day.

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Default ThumbnailFiguring Out My Pain (or Staying Calm While Stressing Out) Default ThumbnailSorry For A Quick Post (or Going Through A Tough Day) Default ThumbnailAnother Downside To My Bad Week (or Just Doing Nothing) Default ThumbnailPain Distracts From Other Pain (or The Rain Isn’t Too Bad This Time) Default ThumbnailLearning From My Screeners (or Maybe My Pain Isn’t So Bad) Default ThumbnailA Week Of Bike Work (or Working Through Nausea and Pain)

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Finishing Up At The Dentist (or This Is Even Harder When You Feel Bad)

Posted on July 21, 2020 | Comments Off on Finishing Up At The Dentist (or This Is Even Harder When You Feel Bad)

When I was at the dentist recently, I left knowing I’d be back soon to finish the work that was started. I left with my old crown being used as a temporary one and my new permanent one would be done in about a week. But due to shipping delays, my second appointment had to be pushed back by a week. I was fine with that because I couldn’t really change anything. But I also knew that the new date would fall when I might be nauseous.

And of course, that’s exactly what ended up happening to me. Fortunately, my dentist was very understanding that I was feeling awful and tried to make everything as easy on me as possible. She was able to work quickly and my new permanent crown was on with very little effort. There was a little concern about how it was feeling on one side, but I think that was mainly due to my gums being a bit swollen from having work done.

And after that was done, I finally got my teeth cleaned. I typically go in every 4 months. This time, it had been more like 6 months since I was in for a cleaning. So things weren’t as easy as normal. Combine that with my gums being a bit swollen from getting the permanent crown put on and the fact that your gums tend to bleed easily when you are about to have your period, and it wasn’t my best cleaning. I got through it and everything that needed to be done was done, but it wasn’t my best.

And because of how tough things were and how waiting much longer than normal showed on my teeth, I am going to start going back every 3 months for a little while. Hopefully, I’ll be able to go back every 4 months after a year or so, but I need to get back to a good baseline before doing that. I knew this was possibly going to happen, but at the same time, there wasn’t much I could have changed about it. When I was supposed to go in, everything was closed. I only waited a few weeks after they reopened before I had to go in. I did the best I could considering the circumstances. And I guess I should be happy my crown needed to be replaced because I would have waited longer without that issue.

I’m not too happy that things were worse for me, but I’m glad that it was taken care of. And I’m also glad that I have discovered that there is a union-related program I can sign up for that would get me a discount on all my dental work. I’m still working on getting things set up and it wouldn’t have been able to help me with the costs from these last 2 appointments. But going forward it should help quite a bit. In a normal year when I just have my regular cleanings, I should break even with the cost of the discount program. But if I need major work like I did this time, it should save me hundreds. That’s pretty awesome. And I was able to confirm that my dentist does accept this program.

At least for now, I’m done with dental work. I’ll be back in 3 months for what should hopefully be just a cleaning. And hopefully, I won’t be feeling as bad as I did this time.

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LA Is Shut Down Again (or Somehow This Makes Me Feel Better)

Posted on July 15, 2020 | Comments Off on LA Is Shut Down Again (or Somehow This Makes Me Feel Better)

On Monday, it was announced that California was going to be shutting down some public spaces again. And several counties, including Los Angeles, were going to shut down even more things than what was being done throughout the state. A lot of things on the shutdown list were things that I didn’t know if they had opened at all in LA (like movie theaters or indoor restaurant seating). But there were some things that I know had reopened that were closing again. Mainly gyms and personal care places (nails, waxing, hair salons).

I haven’t been going to any of the places that are being shut down. For the most part, the only places I have gone in the past 4 months have been grocery or drug stores to get things I need or to doctor and dentist appointments. I haven’t gone anywhere for fun or entertainment. I haven’t been out and enjoying the city even as things reopened. And I’ve been having very mixed feelings about pretty much being a shut-in inside my house.

I know that the virus is serious and needs to be taken seriously. This is not something that isn’t a big deal or as simple as the flu. Even if you have a mild case or no symptoms, there is nothing known about the long-term effects. And from what the research has shown so far, it does appear that there are long-term effects and people might have health issues in the future. But we won’t know until it happens. So I am staying home to stay healthy and make sure that I don’t get sick. For me, it is more about keeping myself safe than protecting others since I don’t really interact with anyone else. But to keep me healthy is a good reason to be home. And I do take every precaution when I go out in public. I wear a mask. I stay away from others. I keep a distance. I don’t do anything that isn’t necessary.

But as things were reopening, I was starting to worry that I was using the virus as a reason to isolate myself from others for another reason. I don’t know why I would be isolating myself, but it was starting to feel like I was doing that. I saw people posting about going out still keeping a distance from others while being out of their homes. People have been going to parks, doing more than just the essential errands, and starting to live their lives again. I was worried that I was too scared to do all of that and what it meant for me. I don’t want to pick up new habits that make me not want to go out and be around others when it seems safe to do so.

And I still don’t know if that was the right choice or not then, but now I feel a bit better about my decisions since things were shut down. Nobody is really going out and doing much anymore. I know we need to do this because the numbers are rising again and we cannot just sit around and hope we don’t get sick. We need to take steps to make sure we aren’t getting sick and a big part of that is having a safer at home order. Things aren’t as strict as they were in the beginning, but they are stricter than what they were a week or two again. To me, it doesn’t really make much of a difference unless they decide that dental offices have to fully close because I still need to go back to finish my appointment.

With things shut down, I no longer have to think about if I want to try to leave my house and do something. I am just going to stay home and keep myself safe. And hopefully either this closing will bring the numbers back down or something else will happen that will help keep us safe and healthy. I am ready for things to be open again and to be able to feel safe to be out and around others. But we are not there yet and I’m not willing to rush things and take a chance. Waiting until things are safe isn’t easy or fun, but it does seem to be the right decision for me.

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I Can’t Avoid Everything Right Now (or Of Course I Would Have A Dental Issue)

Posted on July 3, 2020 | Comments Off on I Can’t Avoid Everything Right Now (or Of Course I Would Have A Dental Issue)

For the most part, I have been not scheduling appointments that I typically would have right now. I do need to schedule some things, like some annual doctor appointments, but I’m really trying to wait it out until I feel like things are safer. For my doctor appointments, I’m lucky because they are at a medical office and not the main hospital (so no COVID patients are there), but I still don’t want to go in until things feel safer since I would be around sick people.

Even with the appointments that I have that are not fun, I typically don’t avoid them or put them off. I hate blood work, but I will do it when I have to. I hate going to the dentist, but since I usually have to go 3 times a year I will do it. I don’t skip appointments. I know things will get worse if I do skip them.

I was supposed to go to the dentist in April. Everything was shut down then, so I didn’t have my appointment. I think they might have been open for real emergencies, but a cleaning isn’t an emergency. When they re-opened for normal appointments in May, I hesitated to go back. I knew I needed to, but there is obviously no way to wear a mask while at the dentist. So I said as long as it was ok with them, I wanted to wait until the summer or things felt safer. They said it would be fine. And that was my plan until last week.

I have had a lot of dental work done and I know that nothing will last forever. But I don’t want things to need to be redone and I work hard to make sure my teeth and all the work that has been done is in good shape. But sometimes you can do everything right and you still need work. Last week, I was eating dinner and one of my crowns felt loose. I don’t know how to describe the feeling, I could just tell something was not right. I bit down and it seemed to get the crown back in place. But I knew that I had to get that looked at because it could mean a lot of different things that aren’t good.

So I called to make an appointment to get my crown looked at and figured I would do my cleaning as well since I would be going in. I have had a loose crown before and they were just able to reglue it. I was hoping that would be the case, but I was prepared for something worse. And unfortunately, it was something worse.

I’m lucky that this happened because the reason my crown got loose was that I had a tiny cavity on my gumline. That cavity made my tooth not be the same shape, so the crown didn’t fit perfectly anymore. And the glue was getting a bit loose too because it was shifting. There is no way to make the original crown work, so I had to get everything done for a new one. But since I already had a crown, most of the hard work was already done. They had to do a little drilling to remove the cavity, but it was so fast that I didn’t need to be numbed for it. Then they made a mold of my tooth for the new one. And because the original crown was close to fitting correctly, they were able to clean it and reuse it to be my temporary crown. It doesn’t fit perfectly, but it’s good enough for now.

I’ll be going back in about a week for my permanent crown and for my teeth cleaning. I didn’t get the cleaning done since it’s better to do that once the new permanent crown is in. Right now, things are just too temporary and loose to do a good cleaning. But at least going in for that appointment I know that they won’t be finding anything wrong with me. I had a full exam and full x-rays while I went in for this first appointment. So the next one should be easy enough.

Just like my afternoon at urgent care, I guess this is a way to add some variety in my life. It’s not exactly something fun to do, but it was necessary. And I do feel better knowing that I’m not putting off my dentist appointment anymore. I know things will still be crazy when I’m there in a week. But maybe by the time I have my next appointment after that in 4 months, things will be a bit more normal and my only stress about going to the dentist will be the dentist and not how to stay safe from COVID.

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Default ThumbnailSurprises At The Dentist (or Guess I Have A Few More Appointments) Default ThumbnailAnother Year Another Dentist Panic (or One Medications Overriding Another) Default ThumbnailFinishing Up At The Dentist (or This Is Even Harder When You Feel Bad) Default ThumbnailAnother Dentist Visit (or Panicking About Panicking) Default ThumbnailLast Dentist Appointment For A While (or Not Really A Quick Appointment) Default ThumbnailTime For Dental Work (or Maybe My MRIs Prepared Me For This)

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Still Trying To Get Back To Normal (or Isolation Monthly Challenges Really Are Not Easy)

Posted on July 1, 2020 | Comments Off on Still Trying To Get Back To Normal (or Isolation Monthly Challenges Really Are Not Easy)

The beginning of another month brings one monthly challenge to an end and the start to another. And these challenges haven’t been my strong point lately. Figuring out challenges to do while I’m stuck at home shouldn’t be as tough as it is. But I’m also lacking some of the motivation I normally have. So even though a lot of the challenges I’ve done before could easily be done while at home, it’s not the same. I’m really trying my best, but I also know that I probably could do more.

My challenge last month was to try to get back on track with my physical and mental health. I really don’t know how to rate myself with that challenge. I think I took some great steps forward but also had some big falls back. I think my physical health had the most progress, mainly because I have figured out a few things that are helping me with food right now. Food is still a huge struggle for me, but anything that makes it a little easier is so nice. But my mental health took some serious swings. I recently had one of the lowest days I’ve had in a while. I got out of it quickly, but being in that type of funk isn’t good when I don’t have a lot of the usual things I can do to feel better.

And that inspired what my challenge will be for this month. I want to find new things that make me happy. I need to almost create a happiness checklist for isolation. What can I do to keep me happy that doesn’t require me to go out? For example, on my happiness checklist, I have going out for a meal because that does make me happy. Getting delivery food isn’t the same. So I need to figure out what else can temporarily replace that on the list. Same with the idea of going out with friends. I can’t do that right now. I need to find something that I can do in my house that gives me some happiness to replace it on the list.

Even though things are starting to reopen here, I don’t know how long that will last or if things will continue to reopen. Some things that have reopened and have needed to be closed again. So as much as I want to believe that things are getting better and I can start venturing out of my house more often, I’m trying to prepare myself for being in isolation at home for a lot longer. I don’t want to believe that it will take until there is a vaccine before that happens, but that might just be the case. If I have to stay home for a year in order to stay healthy then that’s what I’ll do. It’s not easy staying inside and as I’ve mentioned I am struggling a bit, but I have to remember that I’m doing this for a good reason. I just have to make staying home easier and more tolerable.

I wish I would gain some motivation back so I could do some better monthly challenges. But right now, I feel like I’m in survival mode and my brain really can’t take on too much. Maybe if I can find more ways to be happy, next month I can find a better challenge. But if all my challenges while in isolation are low effort like this, then that’s what will have to be. My time right now is not normal. I can’t expect to have my normal motivation either.

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Default ThumbnailStruggling To Figure Out Challenges Right Now (or I’m Just Going To Try To Stay Hopeful) Default ThumbnailI Feel Like Every Monthly Challenge Is The Same (or Will This Be The Month I Get Back On Track?) Default ThumbnailAn Isolation Monthly Challenge (or Just Trying To Keep Things Going) Default ThumbnailAdjusting Monthly Challenges (or Books And Happiness) Default ThumbnailGetting More Productive (or More Monthly Challenges) Default ThumbnailRecapping My June (or Still Thinking Up New Monthly Challenges)

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Still Wondering About The New Normal (or Baby Steps Back)

Posted on June 26, 2020 | Comments Off on Still Wondering About The New Normal (or Baby Steps Back)

I’ve written several posts about my curiosity about what the new normal will be like or my fears about things reopening. It’s a very weird time and I think many people have the same thoughts that I do. In some ways, I want things to be back to feeling normal, and in other ways, I’m terrified about it. I think I was feeling a bit better about it before we started reopening things in LA because it did seem like the number of cases each day was doing down. Now, we are increasing again and that’s not what should be happening.

I know that they said that there may be an increase in cases as things open and that there are other numbers to consider. Some people say the number of people hospitalized is a better thing to track. Some say to only look at the number of people who passed away. I have been watching all the numbers because I really don’t know what is best and I’d rather have a good overall idea of what is happening. And even though I am staying informed, I still am very confused about things and really can’t tell if I should be more or less worried than I am right now. So for now, I’m pretty much not changing what I’ve been doing for the past few months. I don’t really leave my house for anything except essential errands and I try to limit those to once a week. I will have a few other outings happening, but I’m not doing a lot (I’ll write more about those outings soon).

Staying home is really the safest thing, but I know I can’t do this forever. And since I will have to start living my life again eventually, I’ve been trying to plan how to live a bit more normally. I have gotten a lot of masks in different styles because I expect masks to be a part of normal life for a while. I do have some that I think I can use for workouts if I do go back to Orangetheory. I might look into some that seem to be designed for working out. I have some that I feel are cute because I don’t want to just have boring masks. If I’m going to wear them for a long time, I want to make it as fun for me as possible.

For a while, going to get groceries was very stressful for me. Seeing the lines at the stores, worrying about what I would or wouldn’t be able to find when I get inside, and just feeling like I’m experiencing something very weird made me so uneasy. I have been doing a lot of grocery deliveries because it made things a bit easier for me. But I can’t get all the stores I might shop at delivered to me. So I’ve been doing a bit more grocery shopping on my own. And while sometimes I have still had to wait in line, the last 2 times I went to one store I was able to just walk right in. And they had everything in stock so I was able to get everything I wanted. It’s odd that being able to get things I want feels so special. I need to stop thinking like things are scarce and I might not be able to make a plan for shopping. I want to get back into making real shopping lists to work on making meals and not just shopping to see what I can find.

I haven’t done a lot of stuff outside of my house so I don’t know what it’s like to go shopping in stores or eating at a restaurant. I don’t need to do either of those things so I’m fine waiting. But I have been paying attention to the new rules and policies so that I have a better idea of what might be expected if I do venture out to something like that.

Things do change a lot and quickly, so the steps I’m seeing now to the new normal might not be the steps that happen. Being an observer of these policies does help me feel better and since I’m not directly worried about them the changes don’t bother me too much. I just stay on top of knowing what is going on so I am prepared. The new normal is starting and I have no clue how long it will take until I feel like things are really normal again. It might take years until I feel like I can be as comfortable being out of my house as I used to. I hope it doesn’t take that long, but then again I never thought I’d be staying in my house like this for over 3 months.

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Default ThumbnailSome Of The New Normal (or I’ll Need To Get Used To This) Default ThumbnailFaceTime Repair (or Baby Steps To Prepare Me For Home Ownership) Default ThumbnailBaby Steps (or Trying To Be Proud Of The Little Victories) Default ThumbnailBaby Steps Progress (or Surprising Myself) Default ThumbnailBaby Steps Back To Cooking (or My Check In Kicked My Butt Into Gear) Default ThumbnailBeing A Bit Of A Show-Off (or More Baby Steps)

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