Category Archives: Health

Getting Ready To See My Liver Surgeon Again (or My Annual MRI)

Posted on October 18, 2018 | Comments Off on Getting Ready To See My Liver Surgeon Again (or My Annual MRI)

It’s crazy to think that it’s been a year since my last liver MRI. It seems like it wasn’t that long ago, but that might be because I do think about my liver tumors from time to time. I don’t dwell on them, but they are in my mind and I try to make choices that are good for my liver. I know that drinking and eating certain foods can’t hurt or help my tumors, but I have no idea why my liver is able to shrink these tumors on its own. So I try not to do anything that will stress my liver out so it can work the best it can.

At the same time, tomorrow marks 2 years since I learned there was something potentially wrong with my liver. It feels like I’ve been dealing with my liver story for much longer than 2 years! But I guess it’s just because it was such a huge focus of my life for 6 months before my miracle. And for my 2 year anniversary of discovering the tumors, I had another MRI to check in on them.

While I’ve had issues before with needles, things went better than expected when I had my blood drawn to check my kidneys before the MRI. But I was still nervous about the needle for the IV as well as how I would feel being in the MRI machine if I wasn’t feeling my best. The morning of the MRI I was having lower nausea than the days before, but I still took some medication to make sure I wouldn’t get nauseous or have too painful of cramps when the tests were being done. I know that staying still is so important in an MRI and for most of the images I need to hold my breath. So I wanted to be in the least about of pain and nausea possible.

The MRI was running behind (which I expected so I had my book with me), so while I was waiting I tried to stay hydrated so the IV would be easier to get in and just relax. I wasn’t focusing on what was coming up, just on what was happening in that moment so that I could stay calm. They ended up not running as behind as they thought so before I knew it I was in my hospital gown and ready to go.

They did the IV in my arm after I was already settled on the bed of the MRI machine. That was fine with me since I would already be laying down in case I passed out. I had a feeling I wouldn’t faint because it’s been so long since I actually fainted (versus blacking out where I can still hear things around me), but I like to be prepared.

Even with all the issues I’ve had with needles, it’s usually a quick process. I can’t remember the last time I needed multiple attempts at an IV or blood draw. I know that several years ago it too multiple shots to numb me before dental work, but that’s different. And for some reason, it took 3 tries to get my IV in. I tried not to be annoyed by it, but it was painful and by the third try I was feeling a bit off. But it finally worked and they were ready to get me into the machine for the MRI.

I’ve had enough MRIs over the past few years to know what to expect. It’s not the most fun thing to do, but it’s not bad. I know things could be much worse so I feel lucky that my MRIs are usually a quick process. Since we are only doing a check to see the size of the tumor (when I had my first ones it was to diagnose what it was), it’s usually only about 30 minutes inside the machine. I’ve got random things I think about to pass the time and I usually count the weird noises when I have to hold my breath. Some of the scans seem to take forever and I can’t hold my breath that long, but I really try my best to wait until I am instructed to relax.

A majority of my MRI is done with no contrast in my body. The last 2 or 3 scans are done after the contrast is put into my IV. In the past, the technicians have warned me when they were going to start the contrast. It’s not painful, but it’s cold and a very weird feeling. I can feel it in my toes even though it starts in my arm. And you do feel it moving in your body. It’s just an uncomfortable feeling for a few seconds, but nothing I can’t tolerate. I don’t know why they didn’t warn me this time, but they didn’t. So I was a bit surprised when the contrast started but I also was grateful that meant that the MRI was almost done.

When they got me out of the machine, they got my IV out which was again painful. I don’t know why my skin was so sensitive, but it was. I ended up having a bruise in my arm where the IV was, but it faded after a few days and it wasn’t as sore as a normal bruise. I guess it’s just my battle scar from the MRI. I think I was trying so hard to not feel nauseous in the machine that it did come at me when I was getting dressed and ready to leave, but I knew I’d be home soon enough and could do more things to feel better.

I see my liver surgeon next week, but I’m not expecting it to be that exciting of an appointment. As long as my tumors aren’t growing, we aren’t going to do anything. I still may get them out one day even if they don’t grow, but that would be in combination with me getting my gallbladder out in the future. But since I haven’t had a gallbladder attack in a few years, I have no idea if I even need to do that anymore!

Even though last year I got great news and was told I didn’t need to worry about anything for a year, it still felt so connected to the stress of learning about the tumors and planning for surgery. Now that I’ve had another year removed from it, I finally feel like I might be back to normal again. I know that I will likely need to be checked from time to time, but it now feels like a check and not preparation for something big.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailMRI Prep Work (or Vampire Victim and Nerves) Default ThumbnailMedical Miracle Anniversary (or A Year Of My Liver Being A Badass) Default ThumbnailAnother Liver MRI (or Not As Routine As Always) Default ThumbnailMeeting A Surgeon (or Working On My Liver) Default ThumbnailMRI Time (or I Think Being Calm Is Helping) Default ThumbnailTime For Another MRI (or Still Trying To Stay Calm)

Comments Off on Getting Ready To See My Liver Surgeon Again (or My Annual MRI)

Posted in Health

Tagged , , ,

Some Highs And Lows Of My Body (or I Found One Possible Benefit To My Nausea)

Posted on October 12, 2018 | 2 comments

I feel like a broken record writing about my nausea on here. And my body feels like a broken record too because this just keeps happening over and over again. Fortunately, it’s decreased in length a bit. When this started up again 2 years ago, the nausea was about 2 weeks a month so it was 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. Now, its between 7-10 days long so sometimes it’s 1 week on and 3 weeks off. And I’m always grateful for the time that I’m not feeling poorly, even if it is limited.

But while the length has gotten better the actual symptoms feel like they are getting worse each month. I need to be better about tracking this because I know it hasn’t been a steady increase in pain, but I think overall it is much worse. And this cycle things are worse than they ever have been for me. I hate complaining, but with the way my body feels right now that’s just where my head is.

As I am typing this, I am using so many different things to try to keep the nausea and pain low. I am wearing my anti-nausea bands, I have a heat pack on my stomach, I have KT tape on my stomach (a newer thing I learned that helps with the cramps), I’m staying as hydrated as possible, I have taken painkillers, I took anti-nausea meds, I look menstrual pain relief medications, and I’m keeping anti-nausea lozenges in my mouth. I don’t know what else I can do and I know my doctor and I have been working on any other options for me.

Normally, I am in pain and nauseous but it is lessened by just a few of these treatment options. This time, it doesn’t even feel like the edge has been taken off. I’m so glad I work from home because I want to have all my things around me, but I also know I’m not working at my best right now. I did get some new suggestions from people online for things to try (if anyone has personal experience with a TENS device I’d love to know about it!) but I also know that without hormonal treatments I am limited.

I have been telling myself that in 2 years this is the first time it’s as bad as it is. So many it will never be this bad again for another 2 years. I still would prefer to never feel like this again, but I also know that I need to be realistic and prepare for when this does happen again. I don’t want to be caught off guard and not have things in my home to make this better. I don’t feel safe driving when I’m in this much pain (some of the cramps are giving me white outs in my vision) so I don’t want to have to leave my home for any remedies.

I know this all sounds really horrible and awful, but I also know that there are so many people who have things worse than I do. At least I have options that work most of the time and have a doctor who is more than willing to help me find something that works. My doctor believes my pain which sadly isn’t the case for so many people. I couldn’t imagine what I would have to do if my doctor thought the pain couldn’t be this bad or that it was all in my head. She knows it’s real and she wishes she could make it stop for me.

I did randomly find one possible benefit to my nausea this week though. I had to get blood work done because I am having a liver MRI this weekend. Before any MRI that uses contrast dye, you have to get blood drawn so they can test kidney function. This makes sure that your body will be ok with the dye. The dye can cause issues for people with kidney problems so they always check before every MRI. I got mine done on Wednesday after work and was wondering how getting blood work done while feeling horrible would be.

I don’t really faint the same way that I used to with needles, but I still have these weird blackout moments. When a needle goes under my skin, my entire body tenses up and I hold my breath. It’s weird and I can’t seem to stop that part, but I’m just glad I’m not passing out completely. And when I have these blackout moments, I’m still conscious and aware so I always hear medical staff talking to me and telling me to relax or breathe. I can’t in the moment, but when it passes I relax and my breathing is normal again. While I do always warn any medical staff that I do this, I think they are always surprised by it. But I feel glad that this is a minor reaction to a needle and I feel totally fine when it’s over. I’m not shaky or light-headed. I can just go on with my day. It was a little different when I got Botox, but I think that was because the needle was only a part of it and feeling the Botox go into my skin also freaked me out a bit.

When I went in for my blood work on Wednesday, I warned the lab tech the same way that I always warn people. I don’t want them to be scared when it happens or think that I need medical help when it’s done because I’m sure it looks scary in the moment for them. Most people don’t tense up or hold their breath when getting blood drawn, so they aren’t used to it. I didn’t say anything about already being in pain or nauseous because I didn’t want to worry them more nor did I know what it would be like this time.

To my surprise, somehow things were actually a little easier for me! I still tensed up and held my breath, but it was much shorter than normal and it didn’t feel the same way it had in the past. Usually I can feel a bit of soreness from where my muscles tensed up, but this time I didn’t have any feeling after I relaxed. It was a nice surprise and I was glad that it wasn’t worse than expected. The blood draw is only for one test so it’s super fast. Pretty much right after I was back to normal the needle was out of my arm and I was on my way to do other things I needed to do after work.

Of course, I don’t want to wish to be more nauseous whenever I need to do blood work. While it was easier this time, it was not that much of a difference so the added pain and annoyance of the nausea didn’t outweigh the benefit. But it did make me feel a bit better about how my MRI will go this weekend. I am not looking forward to the IV being put into my arm, but maybe it won’t be as bad as all the other times because of the nausea. I would prefer for the nausea to be gone today so I don’t have to worry about it during the MRI. I’m still nervous about being in the machine for all that time without being able to move if I have a bad cramp or if I feel like I need to throw up. But I’m trying to stay optimist about it all.

Ideally I won’t have to deal with this pain and nausea every month for that much longer, but realistically that’s not going to happen. But at least I found a small silver lining to the cloud of all this stuff I deal with every month.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailStaying Healthy (or 2 Needles in 30 Minutes) Default ThumbnailI Feel Like My Body Is Playing Tricks On Me (or Trying To Beat My Nausea) Default ThumbnailSome Highs and Some Lows (or Taking Wins When I Can) Default ThumbnailAnother Week of Highs and Lows (or Not Letting One Workout Influence Another) Default ThumbnailSleeping Away The Day (or Sometimes The Pain and Nausea Are Just Too Bad) Default ThumbnailCan’t My Body Have A Break? (or Back To Back Issues)

2 Comments

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged ,

World Mental Health Day (or Seeing So Many People Be So Open)

Posted on October 11, 2018 | Comments Off on World Mental Health Day (or Seeing So Many People Be So Open)

Yesterday was World Mental Health Day. Throughout the day, I saw a lot of posts on social media with people sharing their stories of mental health struggles or trying to get treatment. And for the friends who don’t have personal experiences with mental health issues, they were sharing notes of support or saying that they could be there for anyone who needed it. It was really amazing to see it all.

For so many years, it seemed like nobody was talking about mental health. It was a private thing someone dealt with and a lot of time that also meant that there was shame as well. But people have been more and more open about their own issues and I feel like the stigma of mental health issues is not nearly what it used to be years ago. I know that some people still are embarrassed that they need help with something that others don’t think twice about, but almost everyone I know has said that things felt more normal when they shared their story and realized that so many people have the same issue.

I haven’t been shy to share my issues with mental health. I went through a long time of being misdiagnosed and I think that made my situation worse than what it was on its own. And now that I’m in a better place with treatment and working on self-care, I’m doing better than I ever remember feeling. But I also remember how dark it can feel when you feel alone or misunderstood. Or when you are being told you should be feeling better and you aren’t. I remember wondering what was wrong with me when I was being told that a medication would make me feel better but in fact it made me feel worse and more upset about the little things in life.

I try to be there for as many of my friends as possible. Sometimes that means just being a supportive ear and listening and sometimes that means forcing a friend to get help. I have learned that I can’t be there for my friends 24/7 because that actually makes things harder on me, but I try to be there as much as I can. My phone is always near me and I’ll pick it up in the middle of the night if someone calls and I hear my phone vibrating (I don’t leave it on to ring since that means all other notifications would make noise too). And if someone needed to come over to not be alone, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell them to come over.

I have put a bit too much pressure on myself to be there as much as I can be for others, but just like with other mental health issues as soon as I was public about that others told me that they had the same problem. That’s why I’ve been doing more self-care things and trying to prioritize myself. I’m still working on finding the balance between being there for those who need it and being there for myself, but it’s getting there. But I’ve also learned to help my friends find others who can be there just like I can and so many of them have created their own mini-support groups with different friends so they have a bunch of people they can reach out to when they need support of any kind.

I think that while it is still important to have a day like World Mental Health Day so that people are sharing their stories, since so many people talk about mental health year round that it feels like it’s just World Mental Health Day every day! And that’s the way it should be. People need help and support every day and it’s important that when that happens they don’t have to feel alone. So by sharing stories year round when they happen it will be helping someone out there who needs to hear that story that particular day.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailHope And Health (or I Don’t Have The Motivation To Do A Bigger Challenge) Default ThumbnailMental Health Month (or Better Late Than Never) Default ThumbnailDoing A Health Check-In On Myself (or Seeing Where I’m Slipping) Default ThumbnailFiguring Out Some Self-Care (or Working On My Physical And Mental Health) Default ThumbnailJust Taking Things One Day At A Time (or Handling What Is Right Now) Default ThumbnailPeople Don’t Get It (or My Comment On The Dear Fat People Video)

Comments Off on World Mental Health Day (or Seeing So Many People Be So Open)

Posted in Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , ,

I Feel Like My Body Is Playing Tricks On Me (or Trying To Beat My Nausea)

Posted on September 13, 2018 | Comments Off on I Feel Like My Body Is Playing Tricks On Me (or Trying To Beat My Nausea)

I’ve been dealing with hormonal nausea for almost 2 years now. It’s not fun and I’m still trying to find a plan that works for me. I’ve got a couple of different things I can do when I’m feeling awful, but none of them make it go away completely and not everything works for me every month. So each month when my nausea comes back, I have to start testing things to see what is going to work and what will be useless that time.

Right when I had to start dealing with this nausea again, it’s been pretty regular. I know when to expect it to start and I know when to expect it to end. Of course, things do fluctuate and sometimes it starts later or doesn’t last as long, but it always happens. And sometimes I get overly optimistic if my nausea doesn’t happen as early as I’m used to and I’ll think that maybe this month won’t be as bad. But sadly it does happen and sometimes those months are the worst ones. It’s like I have a set amount of nausea I always have to have and it can be spread over 2 weeks at one level or be only for 1 week but it’s twice as strong.

And this month was a month where it tricked me. I was feeling pretty decent even on my more nauseous days at the end of last week. I was thinking this could be the month that things turn around and that they will be good. I do not know why I believed this when it never turns out to be true, but I guess I’m just trying to be hopeful that maybe I will outgrow the nausea. I’ve had people tell me that it’s possible, but I don’t know if I will. I had this problem as a teenager (although it wasn’t this severe) and now I have it again as an adult. By the time I think I might outgrow it, I don’t think it will be an issue for me anymore.

So this week I’m back to testing out all my different things to see what is going to work for me and what things I won’t bother with. It seems like by the time I figure out the best combination for that particular month, the nausea is almost over and I don’t have to worry about it. I’ve been trying to take some notes on the different combinations because maybe I can try those combinations each time instead of trying to figure out what to add it or not use. But I really don’t know if that will make things easier or faster.

There is one thing I haven’t tried yet for my nausea. When I was at my doctor recently, she prescribed me a new anti-nausea medication. It may help when my regular anti-nausea medication isn’t working but there’s no guarantee it will help since there are so many factors that determine if a medication will or won’t work. But I haven’t been able to try it even though I’ve had it for 2 months.

This new medication usually makes people very drowsy. While most medications that typically make you drowsy don’t do that for me, I still have to be careful before I take any new medications. So I really can’t take this new one before I have to drive and I don’t want to risk it before I work because I don’t want to accidentally fall asleep working. So I really need to take it when I’ll be home doing nothing important to see what it does to me.

And because my body is being mean to me, all of the times that I’ve had the extreme nausea have been before I’m driving or while I’m working. And by the time I don’t have to worry about driving or working, the horrible nausea has ended and it’s manageable with other things. I know I can just try taking it when I don’t need it, but my prescription isn’t for that many pills and I don’t want to waste one. Plus, to see if it helps my nausea I really need to try it when I am feeling nauseous. So the timing for me to try it just hasn’t been in my favor.

It’s weird to hope to feel nauseous, but I really want it to happen when I can test out the new medication so I have an answer if it will work or not. And it would be amazing if it did work and continued to work the next month as well. I know that there are so many worse things to deal with, but I just want the nausea to not affect my life as much as it does right now. And it is frustrating that I know exactly how to make it stop, but I can’t take hormonal birth control because it will make my tumors grow.

Even with all my complaining, I do try to find moments of positivity and being optimistic. I am grateful that even though my nausea tricked me this month, I didn’t have to deal with it for several days that I was expecting to have to. And while it’s not fun right now, I know it will be done soon and I will have 2-3 weeks of not being nauseous that I can enjoy. But I do juts want to beat this and figure out how to make it a much smaller issue for me every month.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailSome Highs And Lows Of My Body (or I Found One Possible Benefit To My Nausea) Default ThumbnailBeing Social and Nauseous (or Taking Some Inspiration From My Workouts) Default ThumbnailAnother Downside To My Bad Week (or Just Doing Nothing) Default ThumbnailSleeping Away The Day (or Sometimes The Pain and Nausea Are Just Too Bad) Default ThumbnailI Guess This Makes Me Feel A Bit Better (or A Physical Explanation For My Emotional Symptoms) Default Thumbnail3 Workouts In A Row (or Using Fitness To Beat A Cold)

Comments Off on I Feel Like My Body Is Playing Tricks On Me (or Trying To Beat My Nausea)

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged ,

More Medical Stuff (or My First Biopsy)

Posted on September 5, 2018 | Comments Off on More Medical Stuff (or My First Biopsy)

Heads up to everyone: Just like with my IUD post, this post is a frank and honest discussion about a biopsy I had done. If the idea of reading about medical procedures or female health makes you uncomfortable or squeamish, you might want to skip this post.

Over the years, I’ve had a lot of random medical conditions and medical tests. I joke to my parents that this has happened to me because I was raised in a family that worked in the medical field so somehow everything seems to happen to me. More often than not, I’m not that concerned about what I find out because I can talk to my parents and get a lot of answers. The only thing that really scared me recently was my tumor, but everything else has been something I just viewed as something new to experience and not something to be fearful of what I will find out.

Last year at my annual appointment with my OB/GYN, I had all the regular tests run as I try to stay on top of all health things including my reproductive health. Everything came back fine, but my OB/GYN let me know that I tested positive for high-risk HPV. For those of you who don’t know that is, here’s some quick information about it (for more information, check out this page). High risk HPV is not the type that can give you warts (that’s low risk HPV). High risk HPV is something that approximately 90% of women will get at one point (currently there is no test for men to see if they have it, but I’d bet numbers are similar). It is contracted by skin to skin contact and a majority of people will fight it off on their own in 1-3 years. If you can’t fight it off, it can lead to cancer but HPV only causes about 3% of cancer in women.

I have no idea who exposed me to this, but it really doesn’t matter. It’s not that big of a deal and it’s normally not something to worry about. I did have the HPV vaccine when I was 24, but that doesn’t protect you against all strains of high risk or low risk HPV. That’s why it’s so important to get checked every year to make sure you are fine. When I was told about this last year, I also knew my Pap smear came back normal so it wasn’t something we had to take action on immediately. My OB/GYN let me know that if my body didn’t fight it off in a year then we would have some more steps to take.

And as much as I would have loved for my body to fight it off within a year, I knew that with my history and the odds I seem to have that it wouldn’t be the case. And I was right. I tested positive for it again with another normal Pap smear. But because my OB/GYN wants to make sure that everything is fine with me and I want to do what I need to do to make sure I’m healthy, I had my first biopsy last week.

I was very fortunate that not only do I have an amazing OB/GYN who is super open and honest with me and could tell me everything I needed to, I was able to talk to my parents about this as well as some friends who have had it done. I knew that this was not being done because my doctor was worried about me but as a precaution to make sure there is nothing we need to watch (kind of the same reason I get mammograms). I still was nervous that this would hurt, but I had been told by friends that getting an IUD was worse so I knew I would be fine with just some painkillers and I could drive myself.

While I wasn’t scared for the results, I was nervous about the procedure and the room I was in for it seemed a bit scarier that the normal exam room to me.

But there wasn’t really anything too scary. I think it was more of being in a room that I hadn’t been in before and the unknown factor. I joked to my doctor that of course she put me in the scary room but she calmed me down quickly and we got started with the biopsy.

The procedure only took a few minutes and it wasn’t that bad. After getting the speculum in, my cervix was washed with a vinegar solution that helps make the cells easier to see. This didn’t hurt and wasn’t uncomfortable, it was just a bit cold. Then my doctor used a colposcope to see my cervix better. The colposcope is a machine that helps to illuminate and magnify things for your doctor. That was also when my doctor decided which biopsies I would need. She determined that I would not need the biopsy where they take a sample from the bottom of my cervix to check the cells as everything looked normal. Then we moved on to the biopsy I did have done.

The biopsy I had took cells from the inside of my cervix where you really can’t see the cells during the exam. There was a small tool used to scrape some of the cells off, similar to what is done during a Pap smear. But this was a little bit longer so I was prepared for it to be more than a tiny pinch. I knew it probably wouldn’t hurt, but of course I was worried that it would. But my friends were right and it didn’t hurt. I did feel it and it was a bit uncomfortable, but I wouldn’t say it was painful. I described it to my doctor as almost like a headache or scratch happening inside my body. It was about 10 seconds long and then that was done. I did feel a bit of a cramp when I sat up after the biopsy and I had some cramps for the next few days, but it wasn’t bad and I didn’t really need painkillers for that long.

Because my Pap smears have been normal and everything looked normal with the visual exam, my doctor is expecting my biopsy to come back normal as well. And if that happens, I go back in a year for my normal exam and hopefully my tests will show that my body has fought off the high risk HPV. And even if the biopsy shows that there are mild abnormality in the cells, I don’t have to go back for a year. It’s only if they appear severely abnormal that I would go back soon for another test. But again, that is not something my doctor is expecting because of all the normal test results I have had.

I should be getting my biopsy results back in the next few days (things were delayed because of the weekend and holiday). And hopefully next year all my tests will come back normal so I don’t have to do another biopsy. But if I do, at least I know what it’s like now and I don’t need to be scared. And I know that for most people hearing a test result isn’t normal or negative can be scary. I wanted to share my experience so others can know it doesn’t need to be. While I don’t love having random medical things happen to me, I’m glad that I can share on here so hopefully someone else going through it can see what I went through and can stop feeling as scared.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailHoping For Some Normal (or Fingers Crossed That This Was This Easy) Default ThumbnailFinding A Way To Be High Risk (or Playing The Insurance Game) Default ThumbnailA Medical Afternoon (or Getting In All My Regular Checkups) Default ThumbnailAnother Medical Afternoon (or At Least This Was Easy) Default ThumbnailSome Random Medical Tests (or At Least Getting Blood Work Was Entertaining) Default ThumbnailFinding Some More Control (or How Medical Stuff and Dating Stuff Are Alike)

Comments Off on More Medical Stuff (or My First Biopsy)

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , , ,

Being More Stressed Than Necessary (or Not The Best Dentist Visit)

Posted on August 28, 2018 | Comments Off on Being More Stressed Than Necessary (or Not The Best Dentist Visit)

Even though I really hate going to the dentist and it has caused me lots of panic attacks over the years, I never skip going to an appointment. And lately things have been much better for me and the panic and stress I feel before an appointment have gone down. I don’t think I’ll ever say I enjoy going to the dentist, but it’s not as bad as it has been in the past. But this month, I was supposed to go to the dentist a few weeks ago and I had to change my appointment the morning of.

Unfortunately, my dentist appointment happened to land on a day that was an exceptionally bad nausea day. I was hoping that morning that things would get better, but about 2 hours before my appointment I realized that I couldn’t go. I didn’t want to risk throwing up at the appointment, especially since my head is the lowest part of my body when I’m in the dentist chair. Usually there is a fee for rescheduling the day off, but since I never do this the office was able to waive it for me. And they also were able to reschedule the appointment for this week when I knew it was very unlikely to have a bad nausea day.

While I was grateful for getting the appointment moved, it actually ended up causing me so much anxiety. I always am worried I will get horrible news about my teeth at the appointment and in my head I was thinking that waiting the extra 2 weeks for my appointment would make things so much worse. In reality, I know this really couldn’t be true. If there was something wrong with my teeth, 2 weeks wouldn’t make a huge difference. And if it would make a huge difference, it probably would have been something that was seen when I was there a few months ago. But still, knowing that my anxiety was a bit crazy wasn’t helping me and making it go away. So the past 2 weeks I was on edge about it all.

When I went in for my appointment yesterday, I was a huge bundle of nerves when I arrived. I was shaking and couldn’t get all the anxious thoughts out of my head. I am so lucky that the hygienist I work with understands my anxiety so she does things to help make them better. She checked my teeth first to see if there was anything that concerned her and she was able to tell me that there was nothing there that seemed like something to monitor. That helps the anxiety go away a bit. It’s still not fun while my teeth get cleaned and I’m always pinching myself or doing something else to distract me from what’s happening. It doesn’t necessarily hurt, but I still have the feeling that something is going to go wrong.

One of the reasons I was feeling that way is because I’ve been dealing with some odd things with my teeth and gums. Usually during the time that I have PMS symptoms, my gums bleed when I brush my teeth and occasionally there is a tooth that feels not right. Sometimes it feels like I have a tooth that is loose, but when I feel it the tooth feels normal. I brought this up during my dentist appointment and it turns out these things are not uncommon. Hormonal changes can do weird things and having bleeding gums or teeth that might feel loose are a symptom of some inflammation that can happen due to hormones. I was relieved to know that it was not a sign of something wrong, but I know that each time it happens I will be a bit paranoid that it’s the sign of something else besides hormonal inflammation.

Once my appointment was done, I finally felt normal again. I was not shaking and I could get the panicky thoughts out of my head. It was weird to have such a panicky dentist appointment since they have been much better lately. I’m glad that my panic was all in my head and nothing was wrong, but I also know that delaying my appointment might have contributed to this as well. So I’m going to try not to have to change my appointment that close to the date again. I am hoping that the timing of when I scheduled my next appointment will work, but I also know now to take a look at things a month ahead to make sure it should be fine with when I feel nauseous.

I hate feeling anxious, panicky, and stressed going to the dentist; but it’s also not the worst thing either. As my hygienist mentioned at my appointment, this also means I’m very aware of what is happening with my teeth. I know that genetically I don’t have great teeth and that I have to be on top of taking care of them. I have a good electric toothbrush, floss pretty much every day, and use the toothpaste and mouthwash that my dentist recommends. And I go every 4 months to make sure everything is fine. This is a much better situation to be in than if I was ignoring problems or not paying attention to what’s happening until it’s too late.

I’m just glad I made it through this appointment and I’m hoping that maybe my anxiety level will go back down to where it was last time before my next appointment.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailA Boring Visit At The Dentist (or Getting Ready For A Future Bad Appointment) Default ThumbnailAnother Dentist Visit (or Panicking About Panicking) Default ThumbnailMore Prepared Than Necessary (or Splitting Up Dentist Appointments) Default ThumbnailSurviving At The Dentist (or When Will I Grow Out Of My Fear) Default ThumbnailLess Panic At The Dentist (or Am I Finally Over This?) Default ThumbnailSurprises At The Dentist (or Guess I Have A Few More Appointments)

Comments Off on Being More Stressed Than Necessary (or Not The Best Dentist Visit)

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , ,

So Grateful To Work From Home (or Just Getting Through The Day)

Posted on August 15, 2018 | Comments Off on So Grateful To Work From Home (or Just Getting Through The Day)

Despite the fact that I have had to deal with my horrible hormonal nausea issues for almost 2 years, it still takes me by surprise many times when it hits me. Sometimes it’s because I thought maybe I’d be escaping the issues that month and sometimes I think I forget how bad things can get for me. I have multiple remedies and prescriptions to help me, but it doesn’t always work. I’m continuing to work with my doctor to find what other things I can do, but since the best remedy (any form of hormonal birth control) is not an option for me it can be tough to figure out what I can do. It’s a lot of trial and error and it can be a long process to find what will work.

I knew this week was potentially going to be a bad week for me, but since it wasn’t that bad for me last week I was optimistic. I am grateful that I track things so that I am aware when I might feel horrible, and it’s always a pleasant surprise when I feel completely normal. I woke up on Monday not feeling so great and tried my best to do what I could. But I was getting sick and in a lot of pain and just had to suffer through it. I was able to reschedule a dentist appointment I was supposed to have then because I was terrified to get sick there (so I guess that’s one good thing my nausea got me). It wasn’t the worst I had felt but it was also not nothing and I just had to take it easy and hope I would feel better the next day.

When trying to sleep on Monday night, I was miserable. Nothing I had was helping me and I know that I didn’t get a lot of sleep. I was tossing and turning and getting up every 30 minutes or so to try to stretch out or take some painkillers. Tuesday morning I needed to work and I don’t know if I’ve ever been more grateful to work from home. We are at the end of our slow season so there was a bit of downtime between customers. I spent that downtime laying on my couch or on the floor to try to feel better. I was moving my body around to find how to make the pain go away and I know I looked crazy.

If this had happened at any of my old day jobs, I don’t know what I would have done. This pain is the exact reason I was put on the pill to begin with. I didn’t want to have to suffer while in school or trying to work and have to miss several days of whatever I was doing to stay home. I’m so grateful that I’m at home while I work so I can do all the crazy things I might need to do to try to feel better. All of my remedies are here so I can try whatever I need to. And worst case, I can bring my computer and phone with me into my bed and I can work from there. But I try not to do that since it is so much easier to type on a desk than on my bed.

I hate feeling like I’m complaining about this because I know that some people have it much worse than I do. But I’ve also noticed that when I have written about things like this that people reach out to me saying they have the same issue. Sometimes they find something in my post that helps them and sometimes they have something to recommend for me to try.

I am cautiously optimist that things might get better from me. When I starting dealing with this all again, I was averaging almost 2 weeks a month of pain and nausea. The last few months it’s been closer to a week or a week and a half of issues. And last month was just a week. I don’t think it will ever go away completely but if it could stay just a week or be more mild than it has been in the past I would be so happy. I hate the feeling that I’m missing out on things or not able to do what I need because of something that happens every month for me.

But for now, I’m just trying to make it through however many days I will feel like this and will try to figure out any other things I can do while working to try to feel better.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailSleeping Away The Day (or Sometimes The Pain and Nausea Are Just Too Bad) Default ThumbnailWorking Through The Workouts (Modifications Are Harder At Home) Default ThumbnailEnough With Being Sick (or Holy Moly I’m Craving Exercise) Default ThumbnailCan’t My Body Have A Break? (or Back To Back Issues) Default ThumbnailI Feel Like My Body Is Playing Tricks On Me (or Trying To Beat My Nausea) Default ThumbnailI Guess This Makes Me Feel A Bit Better (or A Physical Explanation For My Emotional Symptoms)

Comments Off on So Grateful To Work From Home (or Just Getting Through The Day)

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff, Work

Tagged , , ,

Birthday Botox! (or Technically Birthday Xeomin But That Doesn’t Sound As Cool)

Posted on August 14, 2018 | Comments Off on Birthday Botox! (or Technically Birthday Xeomin But That Doesn’t Sound As Cool)

My entire life, my eyes have been sensitive to light. When I was a kid and still wore glasses, I had an extreme version of transition lenses. When the light was too bright, my glasses would darken. This was all the time when I was outside and they would sometimes darken a little when I was inside in bright light. They darkened so much that as a kid people would ask my parents if I was blind.

Once I got contact lenses when I was 9, I wore sunglasses outside when it was bright. It could even be too bright for me when it was a cloudy day and I would be wearing sunglasses then. I always have sunglasses on me and have several spare pairs in my car. But even with sunglasses, my eyes are still sensitive to light and sometimes it bothered me.

I didn’t realize it until recently, but I started to squint a lot in bright light. And when I squinted, I furrowed my brow. That was fine for a while, but then it started to cause me some tension headaches. I thought maybe I was overusing the muscle in-between my eyebrows and the headaches were more about the muscle being sore. And the last time I saw my dermatologist, she confirmed that my idea was very likely what was going on with me.

My doctor gave me 2 options to work on fixing this. The cheaper option was a type of medical tape that I would wear on my face to train my face not to squint and furrow my brow. But I would have to wear this tape almost all the time for several weeks and it wasn’t something that I could really hide. The other option was to get Botox. Getting Botox would paralyze the muscle and after a few rounds of injections my face should be trained to not do it anymore.

For me, there was no question. I was going to get Botox. I didn’t want to have to wear tape on my face for weeks and even though I hate needles the injections still seemed like the easier option for me. I discussed with my doctor about if my insurance would cover it. But I would have to have several appointments with a neurologist to approve the injections and those appointments would be more expensive than what going to a medical spa would charge me. So I decided to ask around for recommendations from friends to get it done outside of my insurance coverage.

I have a friend (who I am not going to name because it’s not my business to share what she does) who has been getting Botox for a few sessions already and was going to go back to the medical spa that she goes to for some other injectable procedures. So she offered to call them and see if they could make an appointment at the same time for me to go in. I really liked how her Botox had been done because her face was not frozen at all. I’ve seen bad Botox and I was terrified that mine would be overdone. Even though I was doing this for something other than wrinkles, I wanted a doctor who believed less is more.

Fortunately, that’s exactly the mindset that the doctor my friend goes to has. So last week after work, we headed to Hollywood to go to Skinny Beach Med Spa (they are mainly based in San Diego, but they have a Hollywood office now too).

While I was excited about this because it was going to help with my headaches and I looked at it as an interesting adventure, I was also pretty scared on the drive there. I hate needles and I knew this was a needle. I didn’t want to faint even though it’s been a little while since I’ve fainted with a needle. I didn’t want this to hurt a lot and I didn’t want to have something go wrong and have to wait 4 months for it to wear off before I looked normal again.

When we got to the office and met Dr. Staley, I felt a bit better. He was very calm and said that it should be very simple for me. Based on my research, I read getting your “11” lines (your frown lines) done is usually between 10-20 units. I figured I would be on the higher end of things because it was for headache relief. But Dr. Staley said that I didn’t need that much and it would only be 8 units for me. Also, he told me that he recommended doing Xeomin over Botox. They are very similar but Botox has a protein in it that your body can get used to. So Xeomin is preferred so you don’t need more of it over time to have the same effect.

Originally, I wanted my friend to go first so I could watch her. But that wasn’t the way things were going to go. So I handled my phone to my friend so she could take photos and I sat in the chair. I tried to keep my breathing calm, but my friend said she could see how freaked out I was. Dr. Staley has a little buzzing device that helps to keep the pain from the injection lower and that’s the gold device you see above the needle in the photo.

The entire thing maybe took 10 seconds. I did have a moment where I blacked out a bit (what has been happening with needles but I don’t faint and am normal again quickly), but it was seriously so easy! I warned my friend that I might cry because of how much I hate needles and I think she was shocked that when it was done I was crying a bit. But I was able to calm down quickly and my friend got in the chair for her injections.

I was taking photos of her process being done, but I also couldn’t stop trying to squint and frown to see if I felt a difference. I did notice there was a bit of resistance in my forehead and it was a weird feeling. The full effects of the Xeomin can take up to a week, but even comparing how I looked before to how I looked 1 hour later shows a big difference!

I don’t really care if it gets that much better than how it is now. I didn’t do this for the wrinkle reduction and I have noticed that I’m not getting headaches the way I was getting them before. And hopefully the headaches keep getting better and soon I won’t have them anymore at all. The goal is that after a few sessions of Botox of Xeomin that my face is trained not to do this anymore and I won’t need it after that. From what I’ve read online, that can be between 4-6 sessions and you get them done every 4 months. So for right now, my plan is to go back at the beginning of December for another injection and see how things go.

I never really thought I would ever get Botox or something like it, but I’m so glad I did. There’s nothing wrong with getting it done for wrinkles if that’s what you want to do. That’s not my plan right now, but I’m glad I know what it’s like in case in the future I do want to do that. There is some stigma with getting Botox or other injections and that it makes your face look weird, and I’m glad I found a doctor to do this who believes that people should look natural and I still have so much range in my expressions.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailContinuing The Birthday Fun (or Pie and Makeup) Default ThumbnailSome Highs And Lows Of My Body (or I Found One Possible Benefit To My Nausea) Default ThumbnailBirthday Beauty Discounts (or Making My Birthday Last The Entire Month) Default ThumbnailAlmost Free Birthday Dinner (or Spending My Birthday With My Birthday Twin) Default ThumbnailContinuing The Birthday Celebrations (or A Birthday Twin Adventure) Default ThumbnailHappy Birthday Grandma! (or Double Birthday Celebrations)

Comments Off on Birthday Botox! (or Technically Birthday Xeomin But That Doesn’t Sound As Cool)

Posted in Beauty, Fun Stuff, Health

Tagged , , , , ,

A Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In)

Posted on August 8, 2018 | Comments Off on A Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In)

It’s been a while since I’ve seen my new therapist. I actually have only had 1 in-person appointment with her when she started treating me. A month after that appointment I had a phone call appointment with her to check-in about my new medication dosage and to discuss any issues. After my phone call, I was supposed to have a video chat with her for my next appointment, but I had to change that. The time I originally set up for that was no longer a time I could be at my computer and when I called in to reschedule I was only given the options to do an in-office appointment or another phone call. I figured it was easier to do a phone call so I went with that.

My call with my therapist was this week and I honestly wasn’t sure what to expect out of it. Since my other phone appointment was more about checking in with the medication, we didn’t discuss much else beyond that. And I’m used to my appointments with my other therapist where medication wasn’t really something we discussed beyond that I was doing ok. I was much more used to discussing everything else in life and getting homework. This new therapist is still new to me and I don’t feel like I know her as well as I knew my old therapist, so I just was trying to stay open-minded and keep plenty of time open for this new phone call.

The first thing my therapist asked me about on the call was how I was doing on my medication. I told her how the adjustment period was much longer than expected but that I was feeling pretty normal now. I do still feel like it is helping me although I wish it helped even more. But I realize that it is just an aid to help in binge eating and not a cure so I still have to do work on my own. But even knowing that, it would be amazing if it was a cure and it would fix everything for me.

After letting her know that I’m doing ok and I think that this is a good dosage for me, my therapist let me know that she was a bit hesitant about things because in her experience most patients don’t have positive results or feel like it helps enough. She kept me on it before because I was on it from my last therapist and just wanted to do what she felt would be an appropriate dosage to have me really see if it helps. I don’t know if she was expecting me to say it’s not helping or I’m not happy, but I’m glad that it does work for me and that she is willing to work with me on things.

We really didn’t discuss too much outside of the medication or my eating disorder. We didn’t discuss any new or old stresses in my life, but I honestly feel like I have been dealing with them in better and healthier ways than I have in the past. Even with the bad things that have happened lately I feel a bit more calm and rational when dealing with them. Or if I don’t feel rational and calm, I’m not as rash to act on them and I usually let it sit until I can deal with them in a better way. I know my medication has nothing to do with this, but it still is a positive change in my life that I’m happy with.

My call with my therapist was very brief and I was surprised by that. I’m sure if I had more to talk about with her I could have had a longer call, but I didn’t feel like that was necessary. I discussed the few things I needed to with her and she feels comfortable with keeping me on my medication and at the dosage I’m at right now. She ordered my next refill for when I need it and will approve the refill after that (those refills will get me through the next 6 months). It’s what I wanted out of the appointment and I’m glad it was very simple to get that.

My next appointment with her will be in 6 months. Because that will be a year after the last time she saw me, it has to be either an in-person appointment or a video chat. It was easier to schedule the video chat, plus it saves me the drive and the parking costs, so I’ll be doing the video chat I was supposed to do this time. That will be my first video chat with my therapist so just like with this call I honestly don’t know what to expect out of it. I’m not worried about what will happen or think that she will think anything is wrong with me, but it’s still a bit of an unknown.

But for now, I’m just happy I got this super quick check-in done and it went well. I wanted to make sure she felt ok with me continuing with my plan and that’s exactly what I got out of it. I know that I’ve done a lot of work on myself outside of therapy and I don’t feel like it’s stuff I need to go into super detail about with my therapist because it is going well. But it’s good to know that I do have someone I trust and feel is really looking out of me if I did need more than what I am getting now or if things take a turn that I’m not ok with.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailAnother Virtual Doctor Appointment (or Planning Some Next Steps) Default ThumbnailSome More Virtual Therapy (or Trying Another Medication) Default ThumbnailAnother Therapy Check In (or Someone Sees Progress) Default ThumbnailAnother Quick Therapy Appointment (or Video Appointments Make Things Easy) Default ThumbnailA Good Therapy Check In (or Focus On The Good) Default ThumbnailAn Easy Therapist Check-In (or Virtual Appointments Make Things Easier)

Comments Off on A Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In)

Posted in Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , , , , ,

Another Medical Afternoon (or At Least This Was Easy)

Posted on August 3, 2018 | Comments Off on Another Medical Afternoon (or At Least This Was Easy)

It was just about a month ago that I went to the doctor for some recurring medical issues I had been dealing with. When I went to the appointment originally, I thought I’d still have to go back for another appointment for all my annual things. But my doctor was able to fit everything into that one appointment. I still don’t have an answer for the recurring issue, but it didn’t happen this past month when I expected it to so I’m hoping whatever it was resolved itself.

I got all my medical tests back quickly and they were all normal. But then my doctor realized that one of the tests I had to do was either lost or they forgot to test it. So I had to go back for that test this week (just like I thought I would when I didn’t think the last appointment would count as my annual one). Fortunately since this was a lab screwup I didn’t have to pay a co-pay. And I’ve had the same insurance since I was born and this was the first time any of my tests were lost. So while it was a minor inconvenience I wasn’t mad or upset. I also realized after my last appointment I forgot to ask for a prescription refill on a painkiller so this worked out for me just fine.

Because my doctor is a family friend, it was easy to get the appointment scheduled. She booked me to be the last appointment of the day so she wouldn’t have to feel rushed with me. We also spend part of my appointment time catching up or talking about random stuff so the extra time was appreciated. But because I was the last appointment of the day, I also knew that the appointment would probably not be on time. I’m fine with that and it was only a few minutes behind. But when I was waiting in the exam room I just kept staring at this chart.

This chart is usually used for other things like cervical dilation, but to me I always look at it and am in shock over how big 10cm (the largest circle) is. That’s how big my biggest liver tumor was when it was discovered. I still can’t believe that I had a tumor that large and had no idea it was in my body! Every time I see that chart I can’t stop looking at it and just be in disbelief over the tumor situation. But it’s also a good way to kill a few minutes while waiting for my doctor.

When she came into the exam room, we went over some of the previous tests I had done and the recurring issue I had. I am a bit paranoid that the issue will come back again this month and last month was just a fluke, but if that’s the case I’ll just come back and we will keep working on finding out what’s wrong with me. We also discussed my tumor a bit because I was telling her how the chart is so shocking to me. She confirmed that my next MRI order is set to happen in October (I can schedule it when it’s ordered so it will probably be the end of October or beginning of November) so I’ll have an update on my tumors then.

When we were talking about my tumors, I did have a funny story to share with her. I recently had a first date with a guy who works in medicine. We ended up talking about weird medical conditions we both have (it’s a strange first date conversation but it came up naturally) and I told my doctor how this guy was so fascinated by my tumors. He even asked if I had any photos of it because he wanted to see it and I showed him my MRI. My doctor and I joked that only I could find a guy to go on a date with that would be interested in learning about my medical weirdness.

The test that had to be redone only took a minute and I should have the results in a week or so. I’m not too stressed about it. The worst case scenario is that I’ll have to go back another time for an additional test, but it would only be a test to confirm I don’t have any pre-cancerous cells (which was already proven to be fine by another test). I know I need to get that additional test if it’s ordered, but it’s really more of a precaution and not to really test to see if there is anything wrong with me. But I do like to be on top of all my health issues so I’m glad I understand what’s going on and what steps are possibly coming up.

I’m sure I’m more aware of health issues or possible complications than a lot of people are aware of. Part of it is my upbringing with being raised in a medical family and part of it is that I always seem to have weird things and I like to be educated as it removes a lot of the fear that can happen when you are told that not everything is perfect. And I’ve said it before, but I am so lucky to have such amazing doctors as a part of my medical team. They really do care about me and understand why I want to know the answers to so many things.

Hopefully I don’t have to go back again for another test, but if I do then I guess it will be an interesting blog post when it happens.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailHoping For Some Normal (or Fingers Crossed That This Was This Easy) Default ThumbnailA Medical Afternoon (or Getting In All My Regular Checkups) Default ThumbnailMore Medical Stuff (or My First Biopsy) Default ThumbnailSome Random Medical Tests (or At Least Getting Blood Work Was Entertaining) Default ThumbnailA Non-Surgery Anniversary (or Another Year Of Being A Medical Miracle) Default ThumbnailTaking Back A Medical Miracle (or Getting My Eyes Checked Again)

Comments Off on Another Medical Afternoon (or At Least This Was Easy)

Posted in Health

Tagged , ,