Category Archives: Health

Guess Stopping The Medication Was The Right Choice (or Maybe I Should Have Read More Into The Side Effects)

Posted on August 27, 2019 | Comments Off on Guess Stopping The Medication Was The Right Choice (or Maybe I Should Have Read More Into The Side Effects)

I wrote last week about how I was stopping the new medication that I was on for my eating disorder. I was a little disappointed to be stopping it because I wanted to see if it was going to work, but I was just not happy with the side effects that I was having and they were starting to affect my life more than I was ok with. At first, they didn’t seem that bad. But they started to get worse and the benefits I was seeing weren’t worth the issues I was having.

I’ve been slowly decreasing my dosage and it will still be another week before I’m off it completely. And technically the medication can be in my system for another 6 weeks so there is a chance I will still experience some of the side effects for a while once I am done. The thing that bothered me the most and got me to want to stop was the vertigo. And fortunately, that has pretty much stopped. I still have a few moments of vertigo, but they are mild and brief. It’s nothing like what I experienced a week ago when I wasn’t able to sit without falling over. I have a feeling the pins and needles feeling in my hands and feet will take a long time to go away. But that is more of an annoyance to me than an issue so I’m ok with that taking longer.

I did do a lot of research before starting this medication and I was aware of a lot of the side effects. Of course, there are hundreds of potential side effects with any medications so I try to just look at the big ones that people have and not the little random ones. But I guess I should know better than that because I have a history of being the person who gets the one in a million side effects. But I also know that reading all of the random things can be scary and I don’t want to freak myself out before starting something.

I mentioned in my workout recap post that my workouts were not that great last week because I was dealing with horrible nausea again. I also mentioned that I expected that it was going to be an easier week for me because it was supposed to be the week that I got my period so things would be getting better. But I didn’t have my period that week. I knew I wasn’t pregnant and I knew I was under a ton of stress so I didn’t worry too much about it. But when my stress level went down and I still didn’t have my period, I started to worry a little bit since I usually am not late. For some reason, I was looking at the side effects of this medication and happened to see that one of the random and rare things can be irregular or changes with menstrual cycles. And I knew that there was a good chance that the medication was the cause of this.

Irregular cycles could be a good thing if I could guarantee that I would have fewer cycles a year, but it could also make PMS or periods longer (like what I dealt with recently with two weeks of PMS). I don’t want to risk having longer PMS or periods for the off-chance that I will have fewer cycles a year. I want to keep my cycles regular so I know when to expect things and to be able to plan things out. I can’t do anything now since I’m working at coming off the medication now, but I’m so glad I’m doing that because I don’t want to have to deal with this any longer. It’s a side effect I wish I knew about because I might not have taken the risk with taking it knowing how bad things already are for me.

I know that this isn’t my therapist’s fault. She warned me about the major side effects and gave me information on the other side effects. I probably should have been a better advocate for myself and looked into the side effects before taking it, even if that meant going down the rabbit hole and looking at the one in a million ones. I was just so excited to see if this medication was going to work and I didn’t want to look into the problems. But now I’m dealing with the issues with it and I’m just hoping that it’s out of my system soon.

I guess I just have to be grateful that I did decide to stop the medication last week so I already started working on decreasing the dosage so that I am almost done. I didn’t let the idea of success cloud my head and make me ignore the pain I was in. And now I just have to work through this and hopefully, I’ll be back to my normal self again soon.

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Another Hard Workout Week (or A Repeat Of The Last Week In More Ways Than One)

Posted on August 26, 2019 | Comments Off on Another Hard Workout Week (or A Repeat Of The Last Week In More Ways Than One)

In my last workout recap, I mentioned how I was writing it in a different style than I normally do because it was a really hard week for me. I was cautiously optimistic at the end of the post because I know that sometimes when the week before my period is really hard for me the week of my period is a little easier. So I was hoping that would be the case for me this time. But my body decided to mess with me a bit this time and gave me an extra week of nausea before I got my period. So instead of 2 weeks of nausea and pain this month, I got 3 weeks. As I’m writing this recap (the night before it goes up), I’m finally starting to feel a bit better. But all last week was just as bad if not worse than the week before. And that made my workouts suffer again like they did the week before.

I really wasn’t able to do much during all 4 of my workouts this week. For the cardio on all the days, I kept the bike at my base pace level and just worked from there. I did try to pedal faster and slower depending on if we were in a base, push, or all out; but I didn’t adjust the resistance once the entire week. Part of that was due to not having much strength to work harder, but also leaning over to adjust the levels made my nausea really bad. That was a feeling I’m not used to so I didn’t want to push it too much. So cardio became time to just try to keep going and not think too much about it.

On the rower, for most of the workouts had squats between the rowing segments so at least that wasn’t too bad for me. I did modify the squats when they were types of squats I couldn’t do (like jump squats) so I often did froggers or regular squats between my rowing. Most of the days we had short rows which were nice, but one day we did have long rows and I just had to take breaks when I needed them. I don’t like stopping in the middle of a row, but I also know that when I have to do that I just need to or it’s going to get worse. I think it was just extra frustrating because I was expecting this week to be a bit better and it felt like 2 weeks back to back of half-ass workouts for me.

On the floor, I kept my standard modifications for when I’m nauseous with using the bench a lot to help me with plank work. I tried doing heavier weights when I could to make up for what I wasn’t able to do on the bike or the rower, but sometimes even lifting weights would make me nauseous. I was also dealing with much more severe cramps than I usually do and I didn’t want to accidentally drop a weight if a cramp hit me too hard, so I had to be careful. I also tried to add in some stretching between exercises on the floor when I needed them to help with the pain a bit and it at least made me think I was feeling a bit better.

I don’t want to just dwell on all negatives with my workouts because there were some good things too. First of all, I went to my workouts. This past week was one of the more miserable weeks for me with the nausea that I’ve had. And it wasn’t that the nausea was that much worse, it was that I had been dealing with it at this level for so long. People started to think I was sick because my voice was sounding funny, but it was because of how long I had been getting sick and I’m guessing the stomach acid was starting to irritate my throat (it hasn’t done that before). It would have been easy to stay home and sleep in or try to take things easy, but I didn’t do that. I went and kept my normal routine and just tried.

I also continued to work with my new base pace resistance level on the bike. Although I should probably stop calling it new since I’ve been using it for a while now and it seems normal to me at this point. But I still kept using it even with how I was feeling this past week and I didn’t even consider once going down to the level I was using before.

Finally, this past week we also had a benchmark challenge. In Monday’s class we had the 500-meter row. I knew that I wasn’t going to PR on my benchmark, or even come close. I didn’t have any thoughts in my head that I would do that. My main goal was that I wanted to row the entire thing without taking a break. My other goal was that I wanted to see if I could do it in under 2 1/2 minutes. That’s not fast, but it’s under the time we are supposed to be able to do it under. I really didn’t know if I could do that, but I wanted to try. And when it was my group’s turn to do the benchmark, I took a little extra time to take some deep breaths before starting and went for it. I was able to finish just under 2 1/2 minutes and I was thrilled. It wasn’t anywhere near my PR or any times I had done for the benchmark in the past, but it was what I had hoped for considering how I was feeling.

Just like I ended the post last week, I’m hopeful that this week might be a bit easier on me. My nausea is a little better now, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it won’t come back during the week. But I finally know that the end of the nausea for this cycle is coming up and I’m so relieved. I just want to get back to my normal workouts. Although, I have to say these different workout recaps are a bit fun to write so I may start switching up the blog posts a bit.

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Almost Giving It A Full Try (or Ending Things Early)

Posted on August 20, 2019 | Comments Off on Almost Giving It A Full Try (or Ending Things Early)

When I had my appointment with my therapist, one of the things that we talked about was a new medication that I was going to start. The medication was being prescribed off-label for me. Normally, it’s for headaches and sometimes for seizures. But it has also been found to have some side effects that work as benefits for people. Specifically, it has been found to cause people to lose weight and lose their appetite. So if I had those side effects, it would be a very successful medication for me.

It is a strong medication and there was no way to know how my body would react. So I had to do a very slow dosage increase over 4 weeks. The plan was that I was going to try this medication for 6 weeks and then I was going to have a phone check-in with my therapist to discuss how I feel and see if I liked how things were going and if the dosage seemed right. 6 weeks seemed like a good trial period to me and I was excited to see how it went.

Immediately, I noticed side effects that were not the ones I wanted. I noticed tingling and numbness in my hands and feet. For some reason, this was bothering me the most when I was rowing in my workouts. It got worse as I increased the dosage but then got better. So I was thinking that maybe I got over the hump of getting used to this medication.

I didn’t talk about any other side effects from this medication other than the tingling feeling because that was the only one that really affected me a lot in my day to day life. But I did have other things that I noticed and I wasn’t sure if they were side effects or not. I was trying to think maybe they were just feelings of stress or being tired because I am dealing with both of those a lot right now. And I wanted this medication to work. While it’s not suppressing my appetite the way I was thinking it would, I am losing some weight. I’m not the incredible shrinking woman, but I am down about 12 pounds in a month which is pretty impressive considering I don’t think I’ve made a huge difference in my food.

But I have realized these other little side effects can’t be ignored anymore. Yesterday, I had the worse bout of vertigo that I could remember. It was terrifying. I was holding to the ground to try to stay still. I couldn’t sit up without falling over. It started when I was sleeping. I woke up and the room was spinning. I tried to sit up and I couldn’t do that. The next thing I knew, I fell out of bed and was on the ground and couldn’t get my head up. I finally was able to get back to bed and sleep some more, but the entire morning I was dealing with vertigo (including in my workout which also was while I was nauseous).

The vertigo got a bit better in the afternoon, but I was still having moments when the room felt like it was spinning around me. I know that anything could have caused this, but I need to take variables out of my life. I already have had other weird issues with this new medication and I don’t want to be paranoid that anything wrong with me is caused by this medication. Right now, that’s the thought I have any time something seems off and I just want to get that variable out.

But because the medication is so strong, I can’t just stop it. I emailed my doctor and we came up with an ease off plan. Fortunately, I can ease off it quicker than I got up to this dose. But I will need to be working on it for 2 weeks before I can stop completely. I don’t know if my side effects will lessen as I lower the dose since most of them started even at the lowest dose, but it would be nice if they were a little easier on me. And I don’t know if when I am off the medication if they side effects will end right away or if they will linger.

I’m a bit disappointed that I didn’t get to give the medication the full 6 weeks that I was planning on, but at the same time, I have to prioritize my health and how I feel. And I just don’t feel right and I don’t think it’s going to get better. It really has only been getting worse and I don’t know if I want to give it more time to try to get better. Maybe if I sucked it up a few more weeks I would be over a hump, but I don’t know if I want to suffer through a few weeks. But I am glad that at least I tried and know I know that it’s just not the right thing for me so I can move on and keep trying other options.

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Finishing Up Brain Over Binge (or This Really Feels More Like Just The First Part)

Posted on August 16, 2019 | Comments Off on Finishing Up Brain Over Binge (or This Really Feels More Like Just The First Part)

While the Brain Over Binge course that I was doing online technically ended last week, I didn’t get a chance to finish things with the course until this week. My life has been busy (as I have mentioned over and over lately on here) and I didn’t want to rush through the lessons just to finish on time. I wanted to be able to focus on the lessons and do them properly even if that meant I had to do them on my own time. Fortunately, the course didn’t close access right away so I was able to do that. We actually have online access for another several months, plus all the lessons are downloadable so I have all the handouts and audio files saved for forever.

Every time I try something new, I try to not get my hopes up. I know that nothing is going to be the instant fix I dream of, but it’s hard not to hope that maybe something will somehow be that for me. I want something to just click in my brain and change everything for me. I know that that is unrealistic, but there are rare cases where that happens and I’d love to be one of those. I feel like I’m already a medical oddity so why not be one in the positive sense too.

But as I expected, this wasn’t the miracle I dreamed of. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t helpful. I did find the online course very helpful for me. There were a lot of lessons that were things I have learned in other classes I’ve taken or that I’ve heard in group therapy settings, but it is always good to hear it again because everyone has a way of putting things a little bit differently. And sometimes you need to hear something more than once before it really connects with you.

And sometimes even with something being something you have heard multiple times, you hear a new reason that makes more sense and it helps you understand why you need to do it. And the biggest lesson I got out of the course was a repeat lesson that had a new explanation for me. And that was having a meal plan and a stocked kitchen with “safe” foods. For me, safe foods don’t mean healthy foods. It just means foods that I know I can eat or that I can prepare and will be satisfied with. A majority of it is healthy food, but some of it is not as healthy because I want to have snacks in my house ready to eat so I don’t feel like I need to go out and buy food and then possibly buy more than I need.

Along with having a stocked kitchen is being more aware of trying to stay on a food schedule. And this is something I struggle with. I hate to force myself to eat when I’m not hungry. And I’m rarely hungry in the morning so I don’t like to eat breakfast most of the time. But I know I need to so I get in a better place so that I’m eating a bit more balanced throughout the day and don’t get too hungry later in the day. I’ve been experimenting more with breakfast options and not caring if they are what most people would eat or if they are what others would consider a full meal. Even eating an apple is better than nothing.

While there were lots of other little lessons I learned over the past 9 weeks, I think working on my eating schedule and how I stock my kitchen was the biggest one and that made me think that I want to do the course again so I can see what other lessons I will pick up since that won’t be what I focus on. I don’t want to do the course again immediately since I want to have a bit of time to work on this first, but the benefit of having everything saved on my computer means it will be there for me when I’m ready for it. Maybe this is something I do twice a year? Not sure what the right schedule is for me just yet, but it is definitely something I will be repeating.

I’m so glad that I made this investment in myself. It wasn’t the most expensive thing, but anything extra is a lot when I don’t have a lot of money. But I’m worth the expense and I got something great out of it. And I can’t wait to see what I get out of it the next time I take the course (and the time after that, and the time after that, and so on).

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Finding A Way To Be High Risk (or Playing The Insurance Game)

Posted on August 15, 2019 | Comments Off on Finding A Way To Be High Risk (or Playing The Insurance Game)

When I had my recent doctor appointment, I mentioned how I would be meeting with a genetic counselor to discuss being higher risk for breast cancer. I am not high risk like many women are because I don’t have the genetic mutation that is commonly known for being high-risk, but I still have a higher risk because my mom had cancer. That’s the reason why I started getting mammograms so early.

But the problem has been getting breast MRIs. I was able to get one because of a note from my mom’s doctor. Her doctor said I needed to have a baseline MRI to be safe and to have in my medical record for the future. Since the type of breast cancer that my mom had is only caught on MRI, they wanted something in my medical record that had an image that was clean and did not have any cancer in it. Honestly, it’s more of a cover their butt MRI to prove they checked me out, but I’m ok with that. I’d rather know that I’m ok than wonder if I should be worried.

But after that original MRI, my insurance didn’t want to cover any more breast MRIs for me in the future. I don’t need them that often, but my mom’s doctor recommended every 5 years or so. But if my insurance wouldn’t cover it, it could be $10,000-15,000. It’s bad enough that it’s $500 when they do cover it, but I cannot afford a 5 figure MRI and that is ridiculous. So the only way to get it covered it so prove that it is a necessary preventative procedure. If my mom’s doctor didn’t think it was necessary, I wouldn’t worry about it. But since they advised me to do it, I wanted to get it covered.

So I had a phone appointment with a genetic counselor this week. I wasn’t sure what to think since I knew this appointment was more about trying to prove I needed something and not about worrying about my health or risk factors. Fortunately, either there were notes about that in my record or this doctor was familiar with doing this. She got straight to the point and we worked through my family history. I was prepared and my mom helped me with making a list of everyone we knew who had cancer in my family going several generations back.

The genetic counselor did have some questions about my mom and the testing she had done, but I was able to get my mom on the phone which was helpful. And the counselor was able to tell my mom about a few new options that she might be able to look into at her hospital about different genetic tests. We don’t know if they are covered for her at her hospital, but since we have been told that there is a chance her cancer has a genetic component we want to try to be on top of any tests we can do.

After going over my family history, the genetic counselor started working through different equations that figure out your risk rate. In order to be considered high risk, you have to have greater than a 20% chance of getting cancer. It’s a bit weird to think about how this is all figured out, but I guess this is how things have to be done sometimes. There are dozens of ways to work through these equations and for some of them, my risk rate is extremely low. But we found one where my risk rate is 22.2%.

Now, I know this is just a random equation and it was only one of many options and most of the options showed my rate much lower than that. But this was something I needed to do to get the insurance coverage I’ve been trying to get. I don’t want to get into a debate about insurance, but it’s annoying that I had to figure out the one way that I have a high enough risk so that I could get the preventative care that I was told I needed. But I am grateful that I am going to get it and I don’t have to worry about it now.

The coverage I get is for 1 MRI a year, but I won’t be getting them that often. I think every 5 years is probably what I will do. Maybe even less often than that. But at least the option is there for me if I need it and knowing it’s there is a good feeling. I don’t have to worry if I have something wrong and I can’t afford to find out.

After I had this appointment, I talked to my mom and told her the results. I was saying how weird it was that I was almost celebrating being high risk for cancer, but that’s what I was kind of doing. But if that’s what it takes to get the care that I have been told I should get, then I guess it is something to celebrate.

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Hoping For Some Normal (or Fingers Crossed That This Was This Easy)

Posted on August 7, 2019 | 1 comment

I feel like every time I go in for a doctor’s appointment, I discover something random or weird. Maybe it’s because I am on top of going to my annual appointments and maybe it’s because I am that much of a medical oddity. Either way, I rarely leave without discovering something that makes me laugh or shake my head. Fortunately, I have a good sense of humor about this, but I do wish that sometimes things would be easy for me.

Even when I think an appointment went well, I find out that it wasn’t as easy as it seemed. Last year, when I went in for my annual appointment I thought everything went fine. Then a test of mine was lost. Then I had to get a higher level test to confirm that I was fine. Nothing was that horrible or painful, but it did make me laugh that I had to go through 3 appointments instead of the usual 1 just to confirm what my doctor and I knew. I was a little worried that maybe we would find out that there was something wrong with me, but I trust my doctor to tell me even if she worried a little bit. And she knew these tests were much more of a precaution than a diagnosis.

I was prepared for some more randomness when I went in for my annual appointment this week. I knew it would be more than my standard appointment because I did have a few things I did want to bring up with my doctor, but I also knew that there are always things that seem to come up and I now expect the unexpected.

But this appointment ended up going smoothly from the start. Even when they were taking my blood pressure, it went so much better than normal. I’m used to my blood pressure being extremely high before my appointment and normal after. This time, it was normal before the appointment. I don’t know if I was extra calm or if my blood pressure was very low so it just appeared to be normal. Either way, it was nice to have that recorded as normal at the beginning of the appointment so I didn’t have to do it again after.

I had all the normal tests done at my appointment, although I will have to wait to do my bloodwork for 2 more weeks. Even though I am not trying to get pregnant right now, so many of my friends are and most of them seem to be having issues. Because of my liver tumors, I know that fertility treatments are very limited for me, so there’s not much I can do if I find out that my fertility isn’t where it should be. But I still am curious what my levels are like. But to find those out, the bloodwork has to be done at a certain point in your menstrual cycle. So I will be waiting to do the bloodwork so I can do everything at one time.

We also discussed my cancer testing. For cervical cancer testing, we will have to wait and see if I need to do the higher-level testing again this year. There is a chance I will need to do so, and that is normal and nothing to worry about. It’s good to know that if I have to do it again I don’t have to think that it’s a sign of something wrong. And I will be doing another mammogram again in a month. But because of the type of breast cancer that I am at a higher risk of getting, I really should be getting MRIs every 5 years or so. But my insurance hasn’t wanted to cover those yet. So next week, I will be meeting with a geneticist to discuss my family history of cancer and hopefully, we can get things covered by my insurance. At least I have gotten approved for mammograms because that is better than nothing and I am still younger than the recommended start age for them.

Even though this appointment could still result in some random test results or weird things, it did go pretty normally. There was nothing discovered that was shocking. The things I had questions about for my doctor ended up being normal things that I was able to get answers for. I don’t have to do any medical testing that I wasn’t expecting to do or add new prescriptions. I think the fact that this appointment went so easily almost makes it so weird to me. I am still waiting for the email or phone call that they lost the tests or that they found something that is a 1 in a million result with me because that is what I am used to hearing.

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In Person Therapy (or Changing Some Things Up)

Posted on July 25, 2019 | 1 comment

It’s been a while since I’ve gone to see my therapist in person. I’ve had phone check-ins and video chat check-ins since my last in-person appointment and those have been great options. But some rules require that every so often I do have to go to an in-person appointment so that is what I had this week. I’m not sure if it’s a general rule or because one of my medications is a controlled substance, but either way, I was fine with going in.

I had a feeling going into the appointment that it would be a very easy one. With my new therapist, most of the appointment is about my medication and making sure that I am still doing ok with it. We have discussed my mental health from time to time, but we have agreed that my eating disorder is something much bigger than what can be figured out in talk therapy. I’m not holding onto something from my past or using it as a weapon, it’s just something that I have and my goal is to get into recovery. And hopefully, that recovery is soon.

The first part of the appointment was to discuss my dosage of Vyvanse and how I’ve been doing on it. I think I’m at the right dose right now and when I don’t take it on the rare occasion that it happens, I can feel a difference. I still wish it could do more than it does for me, but I also understand that the benefits that I wish it would have are not realistic. It’s not a miracle drug, but it is such a helpful tool for me. And I am so grateful that I am on it because I do know it’s helping.

I also brought up how I am doing the Brain Over Binge online course. My therapist is familiar with the book, but not the online course so I was telling her a little bit about it and what lessons I’ve been learning (which I’ll share on here another time). I think she was proud of me for taking a step beyond what she and I have discussed and she mentioned that she might start recommending the course to other patients of hers that cannot or don’t want to go to weekly classes that are offered through my insurance (I don’t want to do those classes as I have done a very similar thing before and it wasn’t the right thing for me).

The last thing that was discussed at my appointment was a new medication that my doctor mentioned to me when we had our last check-in. I was hesitant at the time because I like to have time to do some research about any new medication I start and make sure I am familiar with the side effects and what I can expect out of it. The medication is called Topamax and it is usually prescribed for seizures or migraine headaches. But there have been some studies that show that it can help with binge eating disorder.

The first way that Topamax can help can be with weight loss. The medication has the side effect of making people lose weight, so that can be a good thing for someone like me. It’s not a miracle cure and will make me drop weight without any effort, but it hopefully can help make any weight loss progress I am making on my own a bit easier and faster. Even though weight loss isn’t the main focus for me right now, I can’t deny that when I lose weight I gain confidence in my eating disorder battle and it helps me continue to try harder. So to know that this could help makes me hopeful.

The medication has also shown to help with controlling impulses which also can relate to eating disorders. This isn’t as common as weight loss, but any possible help I can get is a good thing and I encourage.

Because this is a new medication for me and we have no clue what the proper dosage will be to possibly help me, I will be doing a slow process over the next month or so with increasing the dose as well as changing when I take it. For now. I just take one pill at bedtime and I started on Tuesday night. I am hyperaware right now of anything I feel because I know it can be an unwanted side effect of the Topamax. I’m a bit paranoid too, but I’m just trying to stay alert and aware of how I feel and making notes when I feel anything that seems a bit off. So far, the only thing I experienced was a brief period of a bit of tingling in my hands/arms, but because that only happened once it might be a random thing and not from the medication. I’ll just have to wait and see.

My therapy appointment was so easy and simple this time. I’m sure it sounds like not much happened, but that’s kind of where I am with therapy now. It’s much more about medication management than anything else. And now I have a new medication that gives me some hope that it will help. Maybe that combined with everything else that I’ve been doing will be enough to help tip the scales (no pun intended) in my favor. All I can do is try and hope.

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Default ThumbnailA Good Therapy Check In (or Focus On The Good) Default ThumbnailMoving Forward With Therapy (or Educating Myself) Default ThumbnailAnother Therapy Check In (or Someone Sees Progress) Default ThumbnailA Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In) Default ThumbnailSome More Virtual Therapy (or Trying Another Medication) Default ThumbnailAnother Quick Therapy Appointment (or Video Appointments Make Things Easy)

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My Hip Surgery Anniversary (or Lucky 13)

Posted on July 10, 2019 | 1 comment

I’ve written about my hip surgery on here plenty of times. And I’ve written about the anniversary of my surgery as well. I know it’s something that happens every year, but it still always amazes me when another year passes and I haven’t run into the issues that I am worried about. Before I had my surgery, I knew that I would eventually need a total hip replacement on the hip that was operated on. I didn’t find out until after my surgery that I would likely need the same 2 surgeries on my other hip. I knew that my surgeon wanted to try to wait until I was at least 40 before I had a replacement, but I don’t think he was too optimisic about that. And I was told that I would need the first surgery on my other hip within a few years.

Every surgery anniversary I had I was so happy that I hadn’t needed any other surgeries yet. I was extremely cautious with what I did for a long time becuase I was scared I would do something that would make me need the surgery sooner. I don’t know if it’s because of how careful I’ve been or just luck that has kept my hips in the condition they are in, but whatever it is I’m grateful for it. I don’t want to have any more surgeries. I know that the chance of no more surgeries is extremely unlikely, but I’ve been beating the odds with so many things lately so maybe my hips will be the same.

I have beaten the odds in many ways already with my hips. I was told there were several things that I might not be able to do again, or at least not until I have a hip replacement. I have been most proud of regaining my flexibility after the surgery. It’s still not exactly how it was before, but it’s so close that I think I’m probably the only one who could notice the difference. And I’ve worked on my flexibilty more over the years so many I’ll regain that last little bit one day. The other things I have done that my surgeon didn’t think I could do aren’t as important to me as my flexibility, but it always makes me happy when I know I am doing something that I was told I couldn’t.

I do still have to be careful with a few things because I am at a higher risk for a hip fracture than most people. So anything with a high risk of falling like skiing or skating are really off-limits for me. I could push myself to do them and just try to be careful, but it’s not worth it to me to try. As much as I miss skiing, it’s not worth risking a fracture. There are a few other things that are high fall risks that I have debated about doing, but so far I’ve been avoiding those because I know they are riskier than the other chances I’ve taken with my hips.

This past Sunday marked 13 years since I’ve had my hip surgery. I have easily surpassed the expectations of my surgeon regarding when I’d need my next surgery as well as what I can do. 13 years of beating the odds is pretty amazing. I don’t know if when I had my surgery if I thought about how my life would 13 years later. I probably thought I would have limited movement like I did right before and right after my surgery. But in so many ways, I’m able to do more physically now than I could before the cartilage tear. I know there is no way I thought that would happen.

I do have some issues that didn’t exist for me before the tear happened. I have pain that never existed for me before. The pain is much better than it was right before surgery, but it’s still pain that I deal with every single day. And sometimes the pain is almost as bad as it was before surgery and I struggle to move and walk. Fortunately, that pain isn’t that often and normally it’s much duller and less intense pain that I have each day. And I’m starting to notice signs that the cartilage in my other hip might be starting to tear. I’m not going to worry about it until I have a lot of pain because it’s not easier for a surgeon to operate on me now versus once it’s torn. And the damage is already bad enough that there’s not much they could do to save the cartilage like I was hoping would be possible. When the pain gets frequent and intense in my other hip, I’ll look into my options more. But for now, I know my best option is to wait unless there is a reason I want to have surgery sooner.

As much as I hope that the next surgery will be 13 years away, I know that realistically that it will be sooner. But that isn’t going to stop me from continuing to surpass expectations and do everything I can even though I was told I might not be able to do so. And maybe having that attitude will help me get as many more years in before that next surgery. But every year that passes gives me more hope for what can happen after the next surgery. I had no clue I’d be doing this well 13 years later. I have no way of imagining what will be 13 years after the next surgery.

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Default ThumbnailAnother Hip Surgery Anniversary Down (or I Wonder What The Pandemic Means For My Hip Issues) Default ThumbnailMore Hip Problems (or Thinking Out Of Order) Default ThumbnailI Might Have Found My New Hip Surgeon (or Studying My X-Rays Like Crazy) Default ThumbnailHip Surgery Anniversary (or This Feels Like A Milestone) Default ThumbnailSurgery Anniversary (or I Guess It’s Good I Almost Forgot) Default ThumbnailA Non-Surgery Anniversary (or Another Year Of Being A Medical Miracle)

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I’ve Been Slacking (or I Need An Easy Challenge This Month)

Posted on July 2, 2019 | Comments Off on I’ve Been Slacking (or I Need An Easy Challenge This Month)

I think it’s clear that I’m not exactly as enthusiastic about my monthly challenges as I was when I started. It’s been harder to find challenges to do and I’ve been failing at them more often. I think it’s because I have done so many of these, but I should be able to find something that motivates me again. But right now, that’s not happening.

Last month, I wanted to work on digital organizing to maximize what I could do with my various tech devices. I picked this challenge because it seemed easy enough and it was something that I’ve been wanting to do for a while. I know that I don’t use my phone or iPad as much as I could and I wanted to see what new things I could do that would make my life so much better. I was excited to see what would happen.

And then I didn’t really do it at all. I did a little bit of organizing when I downloaded a few new apps. I made sure I put them in the folders I wanted them in and when I was looking in those folders I did delete some old apps. But the goal was to do so much more than that and I just didn’t do it.

I did have some things last month that made it tough on me. I had a lot of work I had to do and it took more time than expected. When I thought I might be able to do some of the organizing between customers at work, I had to use that time for other work. I’m not upset about that because work does take priority. But I guess I just thought I would have the time and when I didn’t I wondered what happened. The days were flying by and I couldn’t believe how little free time I had.

But even though I didn’t do the organizing that I was planning on doing, I did use my iPad more than I have in the recent past. I have been trying to use it more often to do some work-related things when I don’t have to be sitting at my computer. And that is more often than I thought in the past.

Because of my lack of enthusiasm for these challenges and how lost I have felt a bit with getting them done, I wanted to make things easier on me by using a challenge that I technically already have been doing.

For July, I wanted to make sure I am following the Brain Over Binge online course every day. I’m in the 3rd week of the course and I have struggled to keep up a bit because of the time issues I’ve been having. But I want to devote this month to catching up on what I missed and making sure I do the lessons every day as they come out. I want to also work on some of the extra work that can be done with the course that I haven’t been doing.

I know that this is a bit of a cheat for my monthly challenge, but because I have already fallen a bit behind I don’t want to add something else to my plate. I want to give myself the ability to focus on this because it is important to me. I don’t know if it will work to help get me into recovery, but I won’t know if it will unless I try and follow the class. So that’s exactly what I plan to do this month.

The class does go until August, so I will be doing this challenge beyond July. But I want to have the good habits built up this month so the last 2 weeks of the class are easy to complete. I know that if I put my focus on this, I will be able to catch up and get all the work done. And being able to accomplish that will mean so much to me so I want to put a lot of effort into it.

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Another Online Class (or I Just Have To Keep Trying)

Posted on June 19, 2019 | Comments Off on Another Online Class (or I Just Have To Keep Trying)

For a very long time, I have tried to find a way to recover from my eating disorder. I’ve tried lots of different things and nothing has been the fix I have been looking for. But as I have tried more and more, I’ve also realized that there is a chance that nothing will be the perfect solution and I have to probably use multiple tools and skills to get into recovery.

Most things I have tried have benefitted me at least a little. Or even if I found no benefit, I have learned that they aren’t the right thing for me and I don’t have to worry to keep trying it. Sometimes, thinking something might work can be stressful and it’s nice to know that it won’t so I don’t have to waste any brain space on it. And some of the things that I didn’t find super beneficial at first have connected with me at another time and they are helping.

Right now, I’ve got a few things that have been helping me. Those include the medications that I’m taking, the therapy that I do, and some of the books and research that I have continued to read. With my medication, it’s been an interesting journey with having to change things up to figure out the right dosage. I think what I’m taking now is a good dose and I do feel it helps. And there is a chance that I will be adding another medication soon which should help more. But that decision will come in the next month or so. Therapy was much more helpful in the beginning when I was still trying to figure things out. Now that I have a lot of the answers I have been looking for, therapy is a good check-in, but it’s not as mind-blowing as it was before. I don’t have a lot of huge realizations in therapy, but I do hope that I might have some from time to time as I continue to grow.

And the books I have read about recovery have been one of the more helpful things because it has made me feel less alone in this entire thing. Eating disorders can be isolating and I feel like binge eating was even more isolating because it wasn’t understood to be an eating disorder until recently. I have found some online communities that have helped, but I think the books and research I do have made me feel less alone than those communities.

One of the first books I read that connected to me was “Brain Over Binge”. Many people raved about the book and said it helped them recover when nothing else did. I went into reading the book hoping it would do the same for me. While it didn’t, it did bring a lot of insight into my eating disorder and helped me think very differently about it. I read the book a while ago and knew I wanted to read it again, but then I heard about the online course that the author of the book was doing.

I knew she had done other online courses before, but I never really looked too much into it. I knew it was out of my budget at the time so I didn’t focus on what it offered or what it was about. But for some reason, this time I really wanted to see what the course was about and really put some thought into if I could find a way to afford it since I know that finding a way to recover is priceless (as cheesy as that sounds).

Because of some of the changes that were made to the course, it was much cheaper this time than it was before. Its still something that I had to budget for and find where I could not spend money so I could pay for it, but I knew I had to go for it. This is worth it for me to try and I didn’t want to skip an opportunity just because of money.

The course is 8 weeks long and it just started this week. The entire thing is online and there are assignments Monday-Friday. Some of the assignments are worksheets or journal prompts and some are listening to different types of audio coaching. Everything can be downloaded so I can keep the resources forever. I am making sure I download everything because I want to have access to them whenever I need them. I don’t know if this course will connect with me right now, so I want to have the ability to try again later if I need to.

I’ve only done a few lessons so far, but I am enjoying them. Even though a lot of the information is the same I got from reading the book, they are presented in a different way and it feels different. I’m trying to not have too much pressure with myself to make this course be the thing that gets me to a place of recovery, but I do have a lot of optimism that it will help at least a little and maybe more than anything else I have tried before.

Like I said, I have realized that recovery is going to require multiple tools and skills and every time I add another one it can only be a good thing. Of course I want this to work perfectly and be everything I need, but I am looking at it as another option and tool I can use when it feels right. And if I can have a tool or skill to use for anything that may come my way, that’s going to help me win this battle no matter what.

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