Today is my birthday. I’ve shared on here each year about how my birthday is something I love to celebrate. And I’ve done some awesome things for milestone birthdays in the past. For my Sweet 16, I went on a vacation to Catalina with my mom, my grandma, and 3 friends. For my 18th birthday, I got to get a limo and go to a musical and dessert in San Francisco with several friends. My 21st birthday was a little bit of a bust because of my work schedule, but I still went out for my first legal drink. And even though I didn’t do a huge party or event when I turned 30, it was still celebrated with friends.
Last year I wrote about how I was excited to see how 34 would be for me. I had ended a streak of what felt like bad luck and really thought things were turning around. And even though I had some setbacks and some things that weren’t the best in this past year, I think I had a pretty amazing year. I did so many things that made me feel more confident and that bettered myself. Looking back at 34, I think it was a great year and I don’t have many regrets about things.
Today I am 35. There’s no way to deny I’m in my mid-30s now. And this is a milestone birthday for me, but I don’t feel like it’s that big of a deal. This isn’t me thinking it’s not a big deal because birthdays don’t matter for some people as they get older (I still love my birthday as much as ever), but the idea of it being a milestone because of a number versus what I was able to accomplish at a certain age just doesn’t sit right with me anymore. And I’m not freaking out over my age or anything so to be in my mid-30s isn’t something that bothers me.
But I’m so happy with how I am going into being 35. I’m in a much better place in my life than I have many times in the past and I think that will make this year so much better for me. I don’t care as much about what other people think about me so I’m not stressed out about pleasing everyone. I am putting myself first in many aspects of my life and making sure I’m happy before trying to make someone else happy. I know other friends have talked about how they start caring less about making other people happy as they get older, but I never thought I’d feel that way because I have always been a people pleaser. I’m glad to see that it’s true for me as well and I’m focusing on prioritizing my happiness.
I’m not in the best place financially and I’m still single and dating, but those are both things that I’m not necessarily in control of and I’m making efforts to make things better. I think part of what is making me happy is knowing that I am working on them and not stressing that things are perfect right now. I also know that money and having a boyfriend or husband isn’t going to make me happy on their own. I need to be happy with myself before I can be happy with outside things.
Even though this is a milestone birthday age, I’m not really doing a big party or a hangout to get drinks with my friends. Everyone has such crazy schedules and any dates I could find would make it so that several people I wanted to celebrate with couldn’t make it. So instead of doing just one party, I’m trying to do a birthday month where I do lots of little gatherings. This will also allow me to spend more time with each friend and I won’t feel as overwhelmed about feeling like I need to be a good hostess to everyone. Also, I’m fine with celebrating my birthday over the entire month because I love birthdays!
I feel like 35 is going to be a great year for me. Every year I feel like things keep getting better and better for me. They aren’t necessarily turning out exactly what I thought they would be like, but each year I find new things that make me happy that I didn’t consider before. So while I do have ideas of what could make me happy this year, I’m not going to focus too much on making those happen. If they do, that’s awesome. If they don’t, I know that other things I wasn’t expecting will happen and I’ll be writing about those in a year with how happy they made me.
Today is going to be a day just like most days. I’m working and I’ve got other things I need to do. I’m not able to take the day off and honestly even if I could I don’t know what I would do. I know that all the amazing things that happened last year happened while I was working and doing my regular routine. So by doing the same thing today maybe something awesome will happen that I wasn’t expecting. But I will be celebrating as I work and throughout the month!
Posted onAugust 8, 2018|Comments Off on A Super Easy Therapy Appointment (or Just Doing A Check-In)
It’s been a while since I’ve seen my new therapist. I actually have only had 1 in-person appointment with her when she started treating me. A month after that appointment I had a phone call appointment with her to check-in about my new medication dosage and to discuss any issues. After my phone call, I was supposed to have a video chat with her for my next appointment, but I had to change that. The time I originally set up for that was no longer a time I could be at my computer and when I called in to reschedule I was only given the options to do an in-office appointment or another phone call. I figured it was easier to do a phone call so I went with that.
My call with my therapist was this week and I honestly wasn’t sure what to expect out of it. Since my other phone appointment was more about checking in with the medication, we didn’t discuss much else beyond that. And I’m used to my appointments with my other therapist where medication wasn’t really something we discussed beyond that I was doing ok. I was much more used to discussing everything else in life and getting homework. This new therapist is still new to me and I don’t feel like I know her as well as I knew my old therapist, so I just was trying to stay open-minded and keep plenty of time open for this new phone call.
The first thing my therapist asked me about on the call was how I was doing on my medication. I told her how the adjustment period was much longer than expected but that I was feeling pretty normal now. I do still feel like it is helping me although I wish it helped even more. But I realize that it is just an aid to help in binge eating and not a cure so I still have to do work on my own. But even knowing that, it would be amazing if it was a cure and it would fix everything for me.
After letting her know that I’m doing ok and I think that this is a good dosage for me, my therapist let me know that she was a bit hesitant about things because in her experience most patients don’t have positive results or feel like it helps enough. She kept me on it before because I was on it from my last therapist and just wanted to do what she felt would be an appropriate dosage to have me really see if it helps. I don’t know if she was expecting me to say it’s not helping or I’m not happy, but I’m glad that it does work for me and that she is willing to work with me on things.
We really didn’t discuss too much outside of the medication or my eating disorder. We didn’t discuss any new or old stresses in my life, but I honestly feel like I have been dealing with them in better and healthier ways than I have in the past. Even with the bad things that have happened lately I feel a bit more calm and rational when dealing with them. Or if I don’t feel rational and calm, I’m not as rash to act on them and I usually let it sit until I can deal with them in a better way. I know my medication has nothing to do with this, but it still is a positive change in my life that I’m happy with.
My call with my therapist was very brief and I was surprised by that. I’m sure if I had more to talk about with her I could have had a longer call, but I didn’t feel like that was necessary. I discussed the few things I needed to with her and she feels comfortable with keeping me on my medication and at the dosage I’m at right now. She ordered my next refill for when I need it and will approve the refill after that (those refills will get me through the next 6 months). It’s what I wanted out of the appointment and I’m glad it was very simple to get that.
My next appointment with her will be in 6 months. Because that will be a year after the last time she saw me, it has to be either an in-person appointment or a video chat. It was easier to schedule the video chat, plus it saves me the drive and the parking costs, so I’ll be doing the video chat I was supposed to do this time. That will be my first video chat with my therapist so just like with this call I honestly don’t know what to expect out of it. I’m not worried about what will happen or think that she will think anything is wrong with me, but it’s still a bit of an unknown.
But for now, I’m just happy I got this super quick check-in done and it went well. I wanted to make sure she felt ok with me continuing with my plan and that’s exactly what I got out of it. I know that I’ve done a lot of work on myself outside of therapy and I don’t feel like it’s stuff I need to go into super detail about with my therapist because it is going well. But it’s good to know that I do have someone I trust and feel is really looking out of me if I did need more than what I am getting now or if things take a turn that I’m not ok with.
This past weekend was the last show of the current season at the Pantages for my group. It’s been a pretty amazing season and I’ve loved having these Sunday adventures with my friends. The next season for us will be starting in 5 weeks, so it’s not that much of a gap between this season and next. But one of the members of our group won’t be joining us next season. She is going back to school to get her doctorate so she won’t have the time to commit to the season. We do have another friend who will be joining us, but it was still a bit sad to know that this was going to be the last show for this group that has been together for 2 seasons.
We started our evening out at Wood & Vine like we have for so many shows. We love going there for dinner because it is always great and the staff spoils us there. But they also just got a new menu (they change the menu seasonally) and we really wanted to see what the new offerings were and checking out what some of our new favorites would be.
I had looked at the menu before going and had picked out a few things I knew I wanted us to get, but I still took a look to see if my mind had changed. And our group quickly decided that we wanted all 4 main dishes that were on the top row of the menu plus the street corn. We thought all 4 of those main dishes were new ones, but it turns out the lamb burger has always been on the menu and we just never got it!
Our veggies came out first. We ordered the corn but the manager also wanted us to try the salad.
The salad was nice and fresh, but the corn tasted so luxurious! It was perfectly seasoned and the creme on it was delicious! We quickly ate it all and were excited to get the main dishes we ordered.
The 4 things we got were the pork belly tacos, the lamb burger, the pasta with prawns, and the tequila chicken.
Without a doubt, our absolute favorite was the tacos. The pork belly melted but was also nice and crispy. It was so good that I wish I was having it again right now because my mouth is watering! The lamb burger was a bit spicy so I only had a small taste of it, but my friends said that it is a must-order for the next time we have dinner. And the pasta with prawns and the chicken were amazing too! We all were tasting everything and most of the time we were eating we were much more focused on the food than talking.
And the dessert menu at Wood & Vine was expanded recently and the manager wanted us to try 2 of the new desserts.
I don’t like pineapple (it hurts my mouth), but I loved the ice cream in the pineapple sundae. And my friends said the pineapple was beautifully grilled and tasted amazing. And I loved the chocolate truffles! They were really rich, but the perfect size to enjoy them and not feel stuffed.
As always, the food at Wood & Vine really amazed us and we were having the best time having dinner there. I have a feeling that we will continue going there for dinner before our shows multiple times in our next season. The manager also told us some ideas they were thinking for the fall menu and we cannot wait to see what they go with and try out all the new things!
After dinner we walked across the street to the theater to go to our show. This time, we were seeing “Waitress” which was one of the shows I was most excited to see this season.
I love the movie “Waitress” and it’s one that I watch over and over. The story behind the writer, director, and one of the actors is a sad one and that makes the movie even more special for me to watch. She created this amazing movie and was waiting to find out if it got accepted to Sundance but was murdered before she could find out it got in. The movie was critically acclaimed and she never got to experience that. And I love that her legacy is continuing with the musical being loved by so many people.
Since I was familiar with the story and characters, I was excited to see what changed they made from the movie to the musical. Sometimes adaptations skip some of my favorite parts or I feel like there is something missing. But this time I was so happy with how the musical took elements from the movie and expanded upon them. I felt like so many characters were built upon and they were even more lovable. And the main story and plot was very true to the movie and that made me happy too.
I’m so glad that this musical didn’t disappoint me since it was something I had been looking forward to since this season was announced. It’s not that often that I am disappointed by a show, but it can happen and I’m always a little worried that something I’m really excited about will do that. But this wasn’t that situation and it really helped to end our season on such a wonderful high note!
I’m already so excited for the next season and the season after that will be announced in a few months. Hopefully that season will be another one that many of us want to go to and the tradition will continue with getting season tickets. I’ve said this pretty much every time I go to a show, but going makes me so happy and I’m just grateful that I have friends who do this with me and make these evenings feel so special.
Posted onAugust 6, 2018|Comments Off on Good Days And Bad Days (or Proving Myself Wrong)
This past week of workouts was seriously up and down. I was all over the place and thinking sometimes I was having a horrible workout week and at other times thinking that I’m killing it in my workouts. It was really odd and a bit unsettling but in the end I think things were more positive than negative.
Monday’s workout was a tough day for me. I slept poorly the night before but thought maybe it wouldn’t be affecting me too much. Unfortunately, the lack of sleep also meant I was going to have a bad hip day. I felt it pretty quickly and debated about going on the bike, but I was just hoping it would get better as I walked.
It was a strength based workout so it was all incline work on the treadmill. I kept things pretty basic for myself and I did all my base pace inclines at 4% and all my push or all out pace inclines at 6%. We had 3 blocks that all had a similar format of decreasing push paces with increasing inclines (except for me keeping my inclines the same). The first block had a 2 minute, 90 second, 1 minute, and 30 second push pace. The next block eliminated the 2 minute push pace and the last block eliminated the 2 minute and 90 second push paces. And every block ended with a 30 second all out. I really struggled with my hip issues and it was annoying at times, but it was one of those mornings where I just figured that doing something was better than nothing.
The floor was 2 blocks and the first block allowed us to decide how many reps we did for each exercise. We had deadlifts, bicep curls, tricep kickbacks, and push-ups and could to 6-10 reps for each thing. I decided to go heavy on my weights and try to do 8 reps each thing. We had 3 rounds of doing those exercises before we went to the rower for a 500 meter row. My row time was decent considering it was a longer row, but nothing amazing. And when I got back to the floor to keep working on the exercises I went down to 6 reps for each exercise. And we ended the workout with a core blast which I had to modify a bit because anything with my feet in the air is tough on my hip.
Wednesday’s workout was better than Monday’s but it still wasn’t my best day. It was an endurance, strength, and power based workout and I knew that I would struggle a bit to run but wanted to see what I could do.
The first block on the treadmill was 4 rounds of 45 second push paces and 45 second all out paces. I walked all the push paces but ran the all out paces. 45 seconds felt like a really long time to me for some reason! It wasn’t that I was tired or hurting, I just felt off. I really had such a high the past few weeks with my running and this was one of the first times I was worried that my progress was moving backwards. The second block was endurance based with 90 second push paces and I decided to walk all of them. I thought about doing 30 second intervals but decided it would be best for me not to push myself too much. But that block did end with a 30 second push to 30 second all out pace and I ran for that minute. And the last block was rounds of 30 second push paces at inclines to 30 second all outs on a flat incline. But I stuck with just walking at the inclines I set it to be at for that minute and kept my speed the same.
On the floor, we started with a longer block. We had pull-ups on the straps, fly raises with weights, plank press outs, and ab work. After doing that we had a row that started with a 100 meter row and increased each round. I went decently heavy with my weight for the fly raises but I struggled with the ab work. We were supposed to do leg raises to crunches but my body was just not ok with the leg raises. So I decided to do double the crunches and figured it counted as a good modification. I only was on the rower for a 100 and 200 meter row but I did get pretty close to my PR time for my 100 meter row! And the last block was a shorter one with squat rotations on the straps and weighted crunches which went much better than the ab work in the first block.
Friday’s workout was a 3 group workout and it was a mix of endurance and strength. We had 2 blocks at each section of the room and I was starting on the treadmill. The treadmill blocks were pretty basic. The first block was an 8 minute run for distance and the second block was a 4 minute run for distance. For the first one, I did 45 seconds of running and 1 minute of walking. Those intervals were working pretty well for me and I didn’t feel too bad when it was done.
So for the 4 minute distance run, I thought maybe I should push myself and try to run it all. And that just wasn’t going to happen. 30 seconds in I was already tired. But I was determined to do at least what I did in the longer block if not something better. In the end, I ran for a minute and walked for 45 seconds. But I still felt really disappointed with myself. I know that the progress is happening and it might be slow, but I still want to push myself and do better. I can’t help it.
On the rower, we had the same block twice. But the difference was one block was 8 minutes and the other was 4 (just like on the treadmill). We started with a 1 minute row and then we had 10 squats to lunges on each side. Then we repeated that until time was called. The rows were fine (nothing too spectacular) but squats to lunges are tough for me. I had to hold on to the rower water tanks to do them but I still had to take a lot of time to do them too. Because of that, I didn’t do as many rounds as I would have liked to.
On the floor the first block was lunges, single arm dumbbell squats to rows, Y raises on the straps, and sit ups. The lunges were fine and I was able to use heavy weights for the single arm work. The strap work was tough (I think my body was just getting tired so I was not able to be as stiff as I should have been) and the sit ups took time too. But nothing too bad. The last block was lateral lunges and tricep extensions and both of those exercises went pretty well.
Saturday’s workout was the day that made everything better in my week. The workout was a power run/row and I had a feeling I could do some good work with the treadmill work. The run/row consisted of a .25 mile run, squat presses with a medicine ball, a 250 meter row, and more squat presses with a medicine ball. And I had it in my head that I needed to prove to myself that I was getting better at running and be able to run the .25 mile run without stopping.
Considering how the day before I was struggling, this was a huge idea. But I’m super stubborn and was determined to do this for at least one round. When I got started running the first time, it felt ok when I was starting. I did feel a bit ready to walk at the 1 minute mark, but I pushed on because I wasn’t feeling that bad. And I just kept watching the distance on the treadmill and doing weird math things in my head (like figuring out that I was 2/25ths of the way through) and that helped to pass the time. And then just over 3 minutes in I did it!
I couldn’t believe that I just ran the entire thing! I was tired and had to take some time before doing the squats, row, and squats; but that time was worth knowing I ran for that distance! I was on the treadmill a total of 3 times during the run/row and I managed to run the .25 mile distance every single time.
I still know that this can’t happen every workout and I might be a bit sore this week, but it was worth it to me to prove that I could do it. I needed this mental boost and it really did put me in the best mood!
On the floor we had 3 blocks and they were all timed exercises. The first block had single arm low rows and sit-ups. I was using a heavier weight for the single arm low rows but it wasn’t the heaviest weight I’ve used for it. I really felt the effort from running when I was on the floor so I had to take things a bit slower and I felt better using a slightly lower weight than the maximum that I know I could use. The second block had pullovers and sit-up to squats and the last block had lateral lunges and pop jacks (I was jumping my feet back and forth and using the bench for my hands). I think the running was the best part of my workout that day but the floor work wasn’t too shabby!
I’m so glad that last week ended on a high note because it’s put me in a great mindset for this week. There’s no guarantee this week will go well, but every time I have a really great workout it reminds me of what I can do and I remember that the bad days aren’t the best representation of my abilities. I’m just hoping that the good days outweigh the bad ones.
Posted onAugust 2, 2018|Comments Off on So Much Reading (or Really Taking Advantage Of The Library)
As you may have seen from recent posts of mine, things have been a bit weirdfor me. I’ve been going through some things and I know I’ll be through them soon enough. And fortunately, some of these issues have already started to resolve themselves and things are feeling a bit more normal again. It’s still not totally normal, but it’s so much better than it was just a week ago.
Whenever things are weird for me, I do try to find the moments of normal where I can. I’ve learned in therapy regarding my panic attacks that you focus on what is in front of you and real and hold on to that to get over the panic. And when things are weird, I find the normal things and hold on to those. This time of weirdness seemed like it was endless and I couldn’t find much to hold on to, but I was able to connect more than ever with reading and used that to work through things.
I’ve always been a big reader and I am always reading something. For longer than I would like to admit, I bought a ton of books. Even when I got my first e-reader I bought a lot of e-books since they were pretty inexpensive and way too easy to purchase. When I got my Kindle, I was in the same bad habit with buying books since it’s so simple. But when I got more serious about my financial situation, I realized book spending was the one I needed to cut back on and that’s when I got a new library card so I could take advantage of the library again.
I rarely go to the library near me to get physical books because I do love to read on my Kindle. I still love reading physical books, but my Kindle is really convenient and easy. And I don’t feel like it’s looking at a computer screen since it is a reading only Kindle and not the tablet type (like my iPad is). And the library e-book selection really is great and they have been good at getting the books I recommend. So even if the books I’m looking for are a part of their collection when I’m looking for it that moment, more often than not they will purchase it and then I can get the e-book.
I also love how it’s so easy to get a Kindle book from the library. If I’m in bed and finish a book I can just go to the library website to find a new book and have it sent to my Kindle instantaneously. We live in a world of instant gratification and this is one of the best examples of it. I have gotten close to the borrowing limits from the library, but I haven’t gone over just yet. I have a feeling it’s only a matter of time before that happens though.
It’s not always easy for me to find new books to read, but I do look at Kindle recommendations (I just don’t purchase the books) and there are a few different websites that share when new books are released or can recommend books based on other books you’ve liked. Lately I’ve discovered a few new book series that have been fun to read and I’ve been flying through them.
While things have been weird, I have done a ton of reading. It wasn’t just that I was loving what I was reading (although that is a part of it) but it really was just helping me feel centered and away from any issues I had been dealing with. It was my life-preserver for that moment and I think that reading is a pretty healthy one to have compared to what other people might turn to in moments of weirdness. It also helps that right now is the slow time at my work so I have been able to spend a lot of time during my work hours reading as well.
There have only been a few brief times where I wasn’t as big of a reader as I am now. My entire childhood was surrounded by books. So many life moments are remembered by what books I was reading at that time. In college I still read, but it wasn’t something I did every day and I think that had to do with how much reading I had to do in college. But in my last semester of college my class load was pretty much only 1 day a week so I had lots of free time and got back into reading. And since then my love of reading has only gotten stronger and stronger.
But now, I feel like my reading obsession is the strongest it’s ever been. I’ve found a new love for reading beyond just the act of reading. It helped me feel sane when I know that things could have been worse for me. It is my greatest act of self-care and I don’t know if I really considered reading self-care the way I do now. I’ve always considered it a habit that makes me happy and have it on my happiness checklist, but that feels like something different to me. I’ve never considered how good for my mental health reading could be and I’m so glad that I had it to turn to when I was struggling recently.
It’s so weird when I look back at my monthly challenges as they rack up throughout the year. This year and last year I didn’t really have challenges planned out the way I did the first time and many times I’m picking a challenge out at the last minute. And as I’ve been looking back at some of the challenges I’ve been doing this year, it seems like the common theme has been that I’ve been doing more selfish challenges. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing as I’ve been realizing that I’ve been putting myself last quite a bit, but I do think I want to work on other types of challenges in the future. But this month won’t be the month to change.
First, a quick recap on last month’s challenge. I did not use my pressure mat every single day, but I did use it more often than not last month. I do want to get into a better habit of using it because I do feel the difference when I take the time to use it. I’m still looking at guides online for ideas of ways to use it and lay on it, but most of the time I just like laying on my back letting it work on my neck, shoulders, and back. It feels really good and I have enjoyed not having some of the back and neck pain I’ve been dealing with for a little while. I’m working on a system of when would be a good time each day to use it or maybe a plan for what days I will use it in different ways, but it’s a work in progress.
Last month’s challenge wasn’t my most successful one as far as consistency goes, but that’s what inspired this month’s challenge. About 2 1/2 years ago I read the book “Year Of Yes” by Shonda Rhimes and it was so inspiring! It made me realize how often I was saying no to opportunities that I really should have taken advantage of. I was scared for a variety of reasons to say yes to things and I knew that I needed to stop letting that hold me back. While I didn’t say yes to everything that came my way, I was saying yes much more often.
I’ve tried to keep doing that whenever possible and when I had to turn down an invitation or couldn’t do something I wanted to I felt so guilty about it. I hated to let someone down and even though I know that I wasn’t letting people down if I couldn’t attend something, it still was in my head that I was. It’s a tough habit to break but I’ve been working on this feeling for a while.
But then this year I’ve been doing some more things to put myself first and not feel like I have to say yes to everything. My first challenge this year was related to that with allowing myself to be selfish. But that didn’t connect with me as much as it should have and I have been back in the habit of saying yes more often that I probably would like to and feeling guilty when I say no. I am not trying to be totally selfish and that is something that I don’t think I could ever do, but I do want to feel ok saying no when I want to and not have the feelings of guilt.
The one aspect of my life where I have been more successful with this has been with dating. And I’m not taking about saying no if a guy is pressuring me to do something (if they try that they will regret it). I mean not going out with a guy just because they asked me out. I’ve realized that I have been having dates with more quality guys lately. There still have been some duds, but they are not as often as they were when I started back on the various apps. As someone else pointed out to me, I’ve been getting more selective and willing to block or unmatch with someone who I don’t want to talk to anymore. I don’t have any guilt over doing that and I’m more than happy to stop wasting my time with someone who I don’t want to meet.
Obviously it’s different to say no to something a friend is inviting you out to compared to blocking a guy online that you’ve never met and is starting to bother you. But it’s still the same idea and I need to take some of the lack of guilt and fear I have with guys and apply it to other parts of my life. I need to find the balance with putting myself first and still being a good friend to others and taking chances on things that I might not automatically think I should do or attend.
I think that the reason this has been so tough for me to do has been that I’ve worked hard on saying yes more often and now I’m out of the habit of saying no. And I’ve had a lot of fun saying yes to things when I originally felt like I should turn down. I also like having fun and random things to do because it gives me things to write about.
I’ve realize in the past month or so that I do need to be more selfish. I don’t think saying yes got me sick, but I think stressing about doing things might have made my cold thing last longer. I also think that feeling down had a lot to do with trying to force myself to do things I wasn’t sure about and the guilt I felt if I didn’t go. I have spent so many times making my monthly challenges about being selfish and reconnecting to myself, but I haven’t really been able to accomplish it the way I needed to.
So this month, I’m working on saying no more often. There will be a lot of fun things to do this month (it’s my birthday month!) so I’ll have lots of things I want to say yes to. But I also know there should be plenty of time to work on saying no or at least allowing myself time to debate if I want to say yes or not. I’m not sure if I’ll be successful in this challenge or not, but I am giving myself a much more measurable challenge and something that has action steps to it.
I’m not exactly sure what I am hoping this month will result in for me, but I’m excited to see how it goes and what happens. If nothing else, it will give me some more self-reflection and permission to focus on doing what I want to instead of what is offered to me.
Posted onJuly 31, 2018|Comments Off on Another Bowl Night (or Not Letting Rude People Ruin My Fun)
Every summer I say that I’m going to try to get out to the Hollywood Bowl more often but it usually doesn’t happen. Typically I’ll make it to one show a season, which is still awesome and I know how lucky I am to do that. And when I went to the “Beauty And The Beast” show I thought that might be my one show this season. Of course I had my eye on a few other shows I might want to check out, but I never made any plans for anything.
Every summer at the Bowl they do one musical. I usually see when those are announced and try to find anyone who might want to go with me. This season they announced that they would be doing “Annie” and I thought it would be a fun show to check out. I’ve seen the different movie versions but I don’t believe I’ve ever seen the musical staged. But after asking around when the season was announced, I didn’t think too much of it again because I had other things on my mind.
But then an acquaintance of mine announced on social media that they had been cast in the show and I was motivated again to see if I could find someone to go with me. My friend Dani was free and I looked online for tickets. It was so close to the date I figured we’d have some not-so-great seats. I was looking in the back sections since we wanted to look at the cheap seats and I happened to find 2 seats in the first row of one of those sections! The first row is the best since you have the concrete barrier to use as a table and I was so excited to find those seats at the price level we wanted to be at!
The day of the show we met at the Bowl Bus location and we each brought different things for our picnic. We had cheeses, meats, crackers, fruit, veggies, desserts, and water. I think we might have brought too much food, but that’s ok. The ride to the Bowl wasn’t too bad, it’s so much easier doing the bus there so we don’t have to think about it and we can just goof off and catch up on the ride. And traffic wasn’t that bad either considering it was rush hour. We were at the Bowl pretty quickly and went up to our seats.
We were in the very back, but our seats were very centered and we were excited about that!
As you can see from my photo, the section in front of ours was almost empty. It was weird, almost all the sections at that level were empty. We thought about just moving down and hoping those seats would stay empty, but we decided to not do it since it would be annoying if we had to move again and for all we knew a ton of people would show up late. We would regret that decision.
Our section seemed to be filled with a student group from a foreign exchange program. They were loud and many of them were playing noisy games on their phone before the show started, but we figured they’d quiet down when the lights went down and the performers came out. We were wrong. A few of them were quiet, but most of them kept talking and it was difficult to hear the performers. We could hear the songs ok, but the dialogue was harder to hear because of all the people around us talking. There was another group sitting in our row who was just as annoyed as we were with the talkers and they tried to quiet them down too. But nothing helped and the frustration just kept building. But as soon as intermission started, we grabbed everything and went down to the empty section in front of ours.
The second half of the show was a much better experience. Not only were we away from all the chatty and rude people, my acquaintance was in the second half! I tried to take photos of him singing, but it was too tough to do that with how far back we were and I wanted to focus on his performance and not on taking photos. But it was so exciting to see someone I know on the stage at the Bowl! I’m pretty sure this was the first time I knew someone in a show there!
Excluding the rude people in the section we sat in for the first half, I had a really great time at the show. It was a slightly different take on “Annie” than I expected. Some of that could be due to it being the staged version versus the movies. But also the closing song this time was actually the opening song to the sequel to “Annie”. The only reason I knew that was when I was in high school I thought I bought the CD soundtrack to “Annie” when in fact it was the soundtrack to “Annie Warbucks” which is the second show. It was crazy that I recognized the song since it probably had been at least 18 years since I had heard it.
When the show was done, we made our way back down to where the Bowl Bus picks us up. It was much easier leaving this time compared to other times I have been there because the section was empty and there weren’t a ton of people trying to leave through the same walkway at one time. And as always, the ride home was easy and stress-free.
There are still a few shows I’d love to go to before the Bowl season is over, but I’m not totally sure I’ll make it to any of them. But maybe I’ll luck out with another last minute purchase like I did this time!
Posted onJuly 30, 2018|Comments Off on Another Week Of Progress And Practicing Patience (or Having Some Good Challenges)
This past week of workouts was actually a pretty great one for me. It’s been interesting getting back into running and figuring out how much to do and when it’s too much and I need to take a step back. But this past week of workouts gave me so many opportunities to work on running and figure things out, which is exactly what I needed.
Monday’s workout was a benchmark class and I was a bit hesitant about it. It was the 12 minute run for distance benchmark and I knew I wouldn’t be anywhere close to what my best distance was for that challenge since my best distance was when I ran the entire thing. Of course, I had the thought that maybe I should see if I could run the entire thing, but I knew better than to even try that and went with doing intervals.
For the first 10 minutes I did 45 seconds of running/1 minute of walking like I had done on Saturday the week before. It was the longest I had done run/walk intervals since I started running again and it was getting very tough for the second half of the challenge. I did need to take some breaks to catch my breath and I thought about stopping, but I also knew that a lot of the issues I was having was in my head. Because of the timing of the intervals, the last minute was a bit different so I would end on a run. I did my last interval and then ended on a 1 minute run. That last minute was difficult and I’m so glad I didn’t push my speed at all because I don’t know if I could have done it. My goal was to do at least .75 miles and I’m glad that I was able to do a little bit better than that.
For the second block on the treadmill, we had timed push to base paces. It was all 90 second push paces and I started the first one thinking I’d do 30 second intervals. But after those first 30 seconds of running, I realized that I maxed out on running for the day. So for all the push paces I did my walking at an incline. I would have loved to keep working on running, but considering I did the entire 12 minute distance challenge with run/walk intervals I couldn’t be too upset with myself.
On the floor we had 2 blocks. The first block had triceps with weights, chest presses with weights, Y raises on the straps, and plank kick throughs. I used heavier weights for my triceps and chest presses but my body was just not having it with the plank kick throughs. My hips were locking up and it was impossible for me to get my leg to kick through without losing my balance. It was frustrating that I couldn’t even do a real modification for these moves so I ended up doing plank shoulder taps so at least I was doing something that was plank related. The second block had a 200 meter row at the beginning of each round and then it was 2 different arm moves with weights and the mini-bands. We had front raises and hammer curls. I was doing my normal weights for those but with the mini-band it was harder than normal.
Wednesday’s workout was a run/row but it was done in blocks instead of us doing the run/row on our own. So we had 5 blocks for cardio, 3 of which were on the treadmill and 2 were on the rower. On the first and last block on the treadmill, we had a 2 minute push pace to a 1 minute all out pace. I did the 2 minute push pace as a 1 minute run/1 minute walk and then ran the 1 minute all out so it was all 1 minute intervals. And the middle block had a walking recovery after the all out pace followed by another 1 minute all out so I could do it as 1 minute intervals as well. I have said that I was slowly getting back to running, but I have also been moving pretty quickly to increase my running and I realized that I might not be ready for 1 minute intervals yet. I can do them occasionally, but these blocks proved to me that I wasn’t ready to do them over and over.
On the rower we had the same plan for both blocks. We started with a 100 meter row and then had 10 medicine ball squat presses. Then we did 150 meters and more squats and were supposed to keep increasing the row by 50 meters each time. I only made it to the second round of squats each time and those squats were tough because the only medicine ball that was left was the heaviest one when I’m used to either the lightest or medium one. I probably would have gotten more rowing done if I had the lighter medicine ball, but I’ve learned that it’s always good for me to challenge myself with what weights I use from time to time.
On the floor we had 2 regular floor blocks and 1 rowing block. The first floor block had half get-ups and single leg squats using the straps. Single leg stuff is tough to do with my hip issues, but I’ve been picking up tricks to use so I can try them more often. And I was able to do the single leg squats this time with taking some breaks while working on them. The second block had single arm presses, goblet squats, and lunges. And for my squats I used one of the new heavy weights I started using recently and they were hard! I might have overdone it a bit based on what I had done earlier in the workout, but I was only feeling sore after the workout and not pain (soreness is ok). And the rowing block was the same as the rowing block we had during the run/row, but this time I had a lighter medicine ball at my rower so I was able to get to the rower for the 3rd row.
Friday’s workout was an endurance day, but it was also a 3 group class and a class where we switched between blocks so it didn’t feel like a normal endurance day. Every block was 6 minutes and we were at each station twice during the workout.
The first time we were on the treadmill we had 2 rounds of 90 second push paces with 1 minute base paces and ended with a 1 minute all out. I knew I couldn’t run for 90 seconds and wasn’t sure I wanted to try running for a minute again for more than just the all out at the end, so I did the 90 second push paces as 30 seconds of running and 1 minute of walking on my usual push incline as a power walker. And then I ran the all out at the end of the block. The second time we were on the treadmill we had a 6 minute run for distance to do on our own. I decided to do my 45 second run/1 minute walk intervals like I had done before. The only difference this time was for the last 45 seconds of the block I increased my running speed. It was hard to run faster, but it was easier to do that than it was to run longer. I was happy to see that I did slightly better than half of what I did in my 12 minute run on Monday which is proof of my progress even if it’s not much.
The rower was the same for both blocks. We started with a 90 second row for distance and then had 12 squats. Then it was back to the rower for a 30 second row and more squats. We repeated the 30 second row and squats until the block was done. And on the floor the first block was lunges, upright rows, and running men and the second block was single arm shoulder presses and plank work. For the weighted work I wasn’t using my heavy weights because I was starting to feel a bit light headed. I’m not sure what caused it (it might have been that I had an early dinner on Thursday so it had been longer between my last meal and my workout than normal), but I just took breaks when I was feeling weird and didn’t push myself too much with the weights.
Saturday’s workout was a signature OTF workout called Orange Trinity. All classes were 3 group classes even if they normally are 2 group classes and we were at each section of the room for 14 minutes.
First I was on the treadmill where we had a run/weighted exercise block. Each time on the treadmill we ran .15 miles and after that we had squat presses using a medicine ball with decreasing reps each round. With the run, I knew I’d be doing them as run/walk intervals, but I wasn’t sure what I wanted them to be when I started. I figured I’d run for 45 seconds and then plan from there. I thought maybe I’d be doing a 45 second run, a 1 minute walk, and finish with another 45 second run and that would get me to the right distance, but I discovered that with the distance it was perfect to do it as just 45 second intervals. So I ran twice each time for 45 seconds with a 45 second walk in the middle. As much as I would have liked to see if I could run the entire distance, I knew that there was so much more coming up and I didn’t want to exhaust myself.
Next was the rower which is what I had heard was the toughest part of the workout. Essentially, it was a 14 minute row. But there were push and base rows to do within those 14 minutes so it wasn’t just a row for distance. We started with a 1 minute push row followed by 90 seconds and 2 minutes and then went back down before we ended with an all out row. Ideally, I wanted to get at least 2800 meters since that averages 200 meters a minute (which is pretty much the standard we are supposed to do). But this was a big endurance row and I had to take super quick breaks during the 14 minutes to wipe away sweat or tighten the foot straps. I would have loved to have done the entire thing without stopping, but I was pretty close. All of my breaks together were probably under 30 seconds so that’s not bad. I was just over 2700 meters when time was up but now I have a goal to work on the next time we have this workout.
The final block for me was on the floor and it was the same work we had during the Orange X workout. Even though I was so tired from the running and rowing, I was determined to use the same weights I used during the Orange X workout. So I did my squats with a 45lb weight, my row with a 35lb weight, and my chest press with a set of 30lb weights. I had to go a bit slower than I would have liked, but I was much more focused on using those weights and keeping my form than I was on doing as many rounds as I could have done.
Overall, I really am proud of myself with these workouts. I had a lot of opportunities where I could have pushed myself too much and done more than my body was ready for, and I didn’t do that. But at the same time, I found little ways to push myself and keep making progress so that was awesome too. I’m still just so happy that I’m getting back into running and I’m really hoping that I’ll have some more chances to make progress again this week.
Posted onJuly 27, 2018|Comments Off on Just A Day Can Turn Things Around (or Things Are Getting Better)
First of all, thank you to those of you who reached out to me after reading my post yesterday. Like I said in the post, I have had a rough month and it was getting tough but I was ok. I knew things would turn around eventually and being honest and open that life isn’t always amazing is something I strive to do. Normalizing shifts in moods helps others understand that they don’t always have to be perfect or happy. But I still appreciated those of you who checked in with me to make sure I was ok and to see if I needed anything.
Just getting that response really did help me feel better. While I know that I have people in my life who love me and care about me, sometimes when you are in those negative places you can think otherwise or that they are only superficial friends. It doesn’t help that I also had someone in my life who liked to tell me when I was growing up that nobody loved me and that anyone who claims to care about me was lying or only after something. But seeing messages from friends reminded me that I am important to people and that they do care about my well-being.
Many times when I write posts on here that are a bit more negative they are very cathartic and therapeutic for me. I need to get whatever is bothering me off my chest and the easiest way for me to do that is to write about it on here. There are times where those negative things are occupying my thoughts so much that it’s the only thing I can write about. But even when I don’t like writing about it because I like to keep this blog fun, I know they are important posts to write. And it’s always a relief when I finish the post and get it out into the world because in a way it allows me to move it out of my thoughts.
After I wrote that post, things finally started to get better and I was getting out of the funk I was in. It wasn’t just getting the post out and the outreach from my friends that turned it around, but that was a big part of it too. I forgot to mention in my post that I was also stressed due to some job things. One of my day jobs is a contract job and it was up in the air if I would be getting another contract when my current one ends this fall. Even though that isn’t my main day job, I depend on that money. And to think that I might be out of that paycheck soon was terrifying and I had been putting off looking for a new job. But I found out that it is looking good that I will be getting another contract. It may still be at the reduced hours I’m currently working at, but that’s better than nothing.
I also was doing some planning with my blog posts coming up in my editorial calendar and noticed that I do have a lot of fun things coming up in the next month or so. Even though some of them aren’t right away and I know there will be some down time between all the fun stuff, just reminding myself that I have them coming up helped to improve my mood. It’s funny how just the reminder of good things happening soon can make me feel that much better. I don’t usually review my calendar that often or look too far ahead, but maybe I should be doing that every so often.
I know that getting over this funk doesn’t mean that it won’t be happening again soon for me. I’m hyperaware of my moods and feelings and try to make sure I take care of myself before it gets too bad. This time I did procrastinate on taking care of myself which is why I think it got to me as much as it did. But I was able to use the tools I have and depend on my amazing friends to help me when it just felt really bad.
For a while I’ve been working on making more of an effort to see my friends. Sometimes I get too wrapped up in work, or I get sick, or life just takes over and I neglect some of my friendships. I know that I’m not the only person guilty of doing this, but I also know that I can be better about making plans and not letting too much time go by between hanging out with friends.
But at the same time, I feel like I see some of my friends a lot because of things that I have scheduled to do with them. When I have parties to go to, musicals that I have tickets for, or Disney days in the calendar those are events and I make the time to go to them. Those events are usually in my calendar for a while so I don’t really feel like I’ve been making plans. I just am going to something I knew about and they are really fun things I get to do.
But not all of my friend hangouts need to be events like that and big awesome days. I have forgotten about just going to hang out with my friends or doing something easy and casual with them. This may be because I do try to save time for dates and am trying to keep myself available and open, but that is no excuse. My friends should always be a priority to me whether or not I’m dating someone.
So after the last musical I went to, my friends and I were saying that we needed to do a fun dinner or something soon. Normally our dinners out are before the show or at Disneyland and they are a part of a bigger day. It’s so easy to forget that we can just go out and have a dinner and maybe go see a movie or something. I always think that hangouts have to be something amazing and awesome and forget that what makes them amazing and awesome is usually the company that I’m with. So this week we decided to do a dinner and movie hangout.
We had a bit of a snafu with our original dinner idea. We picked a restaurant that normally would be easy to park at with street and neighborhood parking. But the neighborhood parking ended at 6pm and the street parking was a rush-hour tow zone until 7pm. And of course we were trying to eat at 6. So we made a quick decision to switch restaurants and picked one in the same shopping center as the movie we were going to. This worked out fine and I really love the food at the restaurant we went to. I was planning on having a cheeseburger at the original restaurant and got one at the one we ate at.
Dinner was a little rushed so we could make it to the movie, but we still had time to catch up on life. I’ve been struggling with some things lately (more on that later this week) and I really did need to talk some things out. It’s so nice to have friends who relate to what I’m going through and have advice to give. And they aren’t afraid to ask the hard questions or bring up things that I might not want to hear but need to. And I try to do the same for them when they are struggling.
After dinner we went to the movie which was something we were all looking forward to seeing. I’m not going to share what movie it was because I didn’t really love it, but it was fun to go to a movie with friends. I’m so used to going to screenings alone that it is a rare treat to go to a movie with someone else. And it’s pretty rare for me to see a movie that is in a regular theater and it is a different feeling compared to a screening venue. I think that because I go to so many screenings I forget about going to movies with friends. My friends both have MoviePass which I have debated getting. I’m still not totally sold on getting it because I don’t know if I’d use it enough, but it’s something I know I could get one day if I do end up going to more movies that aren’t screenings.
Seeing a movie with friends was so fun. We were chatting about what we liked and didn’t like after it was done and we all had pretty different opinions. One friend loved it, one friend didn’t, and I was mixed (as I put it to my friends, “I have thoughts about it.”). But it didn’t matter that I didn’t love the movie, it was nice just talking to them about it after the movie was done. When I go alone, I don’t get that experience.
I’ve said this a million times (and will probably say it a million more), but I am working on being better at seeing my friends. But this dinner and a movie out was a good reminder that I can do things that don’t take much planning or effort to see my friends and still have a great time.
Birthday Countdown (or Taking Suggestions On How To Celebrate)
