Category Archives: Food

How My Goal Setting Is Going (or A Spark Planner Update)

I’ve officially been using my Spark Planner for a full month now and I have to say that I’m loving what I’m getting done with it! While I still use my phone/computer for my scheduling (things overlap and change too often to handwrite everything), I’m using the goal setting sections of the Spark Planner and finding my own ways to customize it to work for me the best that I can. So I figured that a month in would be a great time to do an update!

First of all, I’m still using the weekly calendar feature for blog scheduling. Since the weekly planner has 3 sections for each weekday (morning/noon/night), I use the morning section to write what I want to write about here for that day. It’s so helpful for my Monday posts about Orangetheory because now I write down what I did for each workout after I get home so I don’t forget about the workout (I hope that you’ve noticed that change on here!). It also helps me see where I’m missing an idea or where I have too many posts scheduled for that week so I need to move something to the next week. I’m hoping to make Finding My Inner Bombshell bigger and better this year and planning out my posts will be a big part of that!

For the beginning of January, I didn’t really do much else with the weekly planning section. I sometimes put a to-do list in the noon section so I had it there to check off, but that’s not a daily thing. Then, about a week ago I saw something about making gratitude lists each day to help stay in a positive mindset. So I decided to put a list of at least 5 things I’m grateful for in the night section of the weekly planner now. I’m loving this routine but I need to create an alarm for my phone to remind me to do this in the evening (sometimes I get in bed and realize I forgot to do it, so I have to get up and write them out quickly). I’ve actually made my gratitude lists my 29 day challenge for February!

Speaking of the monthly challenge, I’m so excited to share that I was very successful in my 31 day challenge for January! I decided to challenge myself to do 100% accurate food tracking for the month and I did it! This may be the first time that I did 100% tracking for an entire month and I know that I will be able to keep it up now. The big change I found while doing this challenge is that I’m not loving My Fitness Pal as much as I have in the past.

While I have loved seeing the exact numbers for my calories and knowing I’m under my calorie goal, that also created anxiety when I was over my calorie goal. So I stopped tracking on days where I was going over or when I had a binge. I didn’t want to see what I had done and the number of calories I ate. And that was creating avoidance for me. So I’ve been using Recovery Record now and I love it! There are no numbers on the tracker. You just write what you wrote and how you feel. That’s all. And there are meal reminders so even though I don’t always remember to eat lunch, I at least have the alert that I should eat then.

I’m also loving the monthly/weekly goal setting pages. I don’t hit all my goals at the time, but it gives me something to work toward and each day I look at what the goals are so I can make sure that I’m on track to check off as many of them as I can. It also has made me think more about what goals I want to track and what is really important to me. I never thought that maybe I had some bad goals in mind, but I’m now reconsidering some of them (don’t worry, I’m happy with my 2016 goals I announced on here).

I’m still not sure what I want to do with the monthly calendar or if there is something I want to do regularly with the noon section of the weekly planning pages, but the beauty of this planner is that there isn’t something that I feel has to be there. It’s freeform and I can do what I want. I’m thinking about some ideas with meal planning or maybe workout tracking. I’ve been seeing some awesome inspiration on the Spark Planner instagram page. I know I’ll think of something soon and then that will be what I keep up for whatever time remains in the year.

No matter what else I do with my Spark Planner, I can’t believe how much this planner has influenced and changed my life in the first month. I’m so excited to see how amazing it helps to make my year and how much I’ll be able to get done.

Fit2Fat2Fit (or A Book and TV Show That Get It)

I while ago, I heard of the book “Fit2Fat2Fit“. It was the story of a personal trainer named Drew who gained 75 pounds so he could understand what it was like for his overweight clients to lose weight. Immediately I was interested and got the book to read. I read it so fast and loved the message that the trainer shared.

Fit2Fat2Fit

So many trainers and coaches out there have never had to deal with a weight problem. They don’t understand the mental and physical toll excess weight puts on a person. They see someone overweight and think that the person is uneducated and just needs to be taught how to work out and eat better. They think it’s just as simple as that.

But that’s not the case at all.

Compared to most of my friends who have never had a weight issue, I’m possibly more educated about nutrition. I can guesstimate calories with the best of them. I know what is good, what is bad, and what is ok as a treat. Every bite I take I know if I should be ok eating it or if it’s something that I need to think of as an ok indulgence. I know the food pyramid, how many servings of each thing I should have each day/week, and how many calories my body takes to be alive. I might not be the most educated on what workout routines I should do, but I’ve got nutrition and food down. I may have an eating disorder, but I don’t have a lack of education.

Lack of education may be the issue for some people, but it isn’t for the majority. We know what we should and shouldn’t do, but there is something else in our bodies saying otherwise. And unless you have been there, you don’t get it. I try to explain it the best I can on here, but I know that the voice in my head is so much louder and more persuasive than I could ever explain.

That is why I loved the book so much. Drew didn’t understand at first that when you are heavy, you might not have the same motivation or energy to work out. Or if you are used to eating fatty foods that your body craves them and that eating healthy doesn’t give you the same joy that food has given you in the past (and you have depended on that joy from food). Once he gained the weight and tried to immediately get back to his old routine, he realized that it was not as easy as that. People don’t need to be educated, they need to be understood and guided to a healthy lifestyle.

I’ve been lucky at Orangetheory that none of my coaches have judged me or have tried to talk down to me because of my weight (that has happened with coaches/personal trainers in the past). They understand that I have an eating disorder and am working my way toward recovery. They get that I need support but not lectures. But I know that not everyone has that experience. As much as I think that all trainers should do this experiment to understand what their clients go through, I understand that it isn’t realistic. But I think reading the book can help them get it.

I’ve loved the book for a while, but I discovered last week that now there is a TV show on A&E with the same name about the same concept. A trainer takes 4 months to gain as much weight as they can and then work with an overweight client to take the weight off together. I’ve seen the first episode so far, and I really enjoyed it (and didn’t hate-watch it like I do with other weight loss shows). The trainer didn’t quite understand that things would be hard when he gained weight at first. But once it was time for him to get back into his regular routine and try to lose the weight, he got it. He understood the food withdrawal and the exhaustion of exercise. He became more empathic about what clients might be going through and saw the journey from the client side instead of the coach side.

I’m sure that all the episodes will follow a similar format, but I think that it is an amazing show to watch. I know that people will still judge me and other’s based on appearance, but hopefully they can understand the issues we face just a little bit more.

A Bridal Shower Celebration (or My Morning In Santa Barbara)

With my friend Rayshell’s wedding coming up in a few months, there are a couple of different wedding related celebrations that I get to attend! This past weekend was her bridal shower, and I was so excited to get to go!

It was held in Santa Barbara so it was a little bit of a drive for me. But fortunately, there wasn’t any traffic so I got there early. I hung out in my car listening to podcasts until it was time for the party to start (I found out later that it would have been fine for me to show up early).

The party had a Paris theme to it and all the decorations were so cute!

Decoration

Each guest had a champagne glass with their name on it to use for drinks. They had champagne, wine, water, and a couple of different juices. I think most people had a mimosa, but I decided to go with orange juice because I need to limit my alcohol since I am on Vyvanse.

Party Favor

Rayshell’s bridesmaids did an amazing job putting together this party. They had a really nice brunch set up. I had some fruit and veggies and quiche. It was very yummy but casual so we all could enjoy hanging out with each other. I’ve been to other bridal showers where things are over scheduled or a bit too fancy (none of those have been written about on here), but I loved that this shower was relaxing and allowed us all to have a nice time.

There were two games that we played. One was where we all wore a fake diamond ring and if we said Rayshell’s name we had to give our ring to the person who caught us doing that. I was doing ok for a bit, but I said her name and my friend Sarah was the one who got my ring. I’m glad she got it because she ended up winning the ring game!

The other game we played was naming the movie that different movie quotes came from.

Movie Quotes

We all thought these were pretty tough and I only got 2 of them. The winner got 3, so I didn’t feel too bad.

After games and food, it was time for Rayshell to open her presents. Everyone got her really nice stuff. Some of it was stuff off of her registry, and some of it was just fun stuff that they knew she’d like. I asked Rayshell what on her registry she wanted now instead of waiting until her wedding to get and she said that there was an entry way rug she wanted. I ordered it off of her registry and it arrived right before the shower. So she had sent me a text when she got it showing me how nice it looked in her house.

Rayshell's gift

While it was a super practical gift and not the most fun or silly thing to buy, I’m glad I was able to get her something that she (and her fiancée) really wanted to have for their apartment now.

After gifts, it was time to start wrapping things up. I talked with a bunch of the other girls there about details for Rayshell’s bachelorette party which is coming up in a month. It will be a really fun time and I’m excited to get to have a fun night out with everyone. And in a few more months, it will be Rayshell’s wedding which I know is going to be fabulous! I have seen what the venue looks like (and I was there when she got her dress) so I know that it’s going to be an incredible wedding.

While I know that some of my single friends don’t love going to weddings or participating in wedding related events, I don’t mind it at all. I love getting to celebrate my friends and all the wonderful things happening in their lives right now. Eventually, it will be my turn and I know that they will all be there to celebrate me then. But for now, I’m just so excited for Rayshell to get married so she can have her happily ever after!

A Major Cleanup (or Saying Goodbye To The Old Me)

A long time ago, I wrote about how I was having issues getting rid of my old clothes. Every single thing in those under bed storage bags had sentimental value to me. There were dresses that I loved, the perfect jeans that I found and bought in every color (it’s not easy finding jeans), and fun clothes that I got as gifts over the years.

I’ve always figured that if I got down to those sizes again, I’ll pull the clothes out of the bag and wear them again. But that post about not getting rid of my clothes was over 3 years ago. I’ve been holding on to those clothes for over 6 years. I don’t have a ton of storage space, but since they were kept under my bed I didn’t think too much about it.

But the other day I just got fed up. I don’t need to keep reminders of who I was when I was at my skinniest. So I took an afternoon, opened up the bags, and started sorting things out.

There were some things that I knew I wouldn’t get rid of. Those included my high school prom dress, my absolute favorite pair of jeans from my skinniest (but only one pair), 2 designer dresses that I got at a discount store and had tailored to fit, and a workout jacket that I love. But almost everything else in those bags I felt could go. I don’t care about a lot of the shirts and sweaters I had been storing. I don’t need to have jeans in every size. So many things aren’t really in fashion right now. And it’s not just that. When I lose weight, I might lose it in a different way so even if I got down to that size again I wouldn’t necessarily fit into those pieces.

After going through my under bed storage and closet (I had a couple of things in there that I didn’t need to keep), I moved on to my entry closet where I keep coats, shoes, and purses. I wasn’t going to get rid of any shoes (I had done that lately and while I have more shoes than some, I don’t have a ton). I got rid of some hoodies that I got at old day jobs and a jacket that I got on clearance but never really loved.

And I seriously had too many purses. I pulled out some of the fancier ones and I have friends who are going to trade me or buy them from me. But I had a lot of purses that I got at a cheap store to wear with a particular outfit and never used the purse again. Or they were so small that they weren’t really ever used because I couldn’t put my phone in there. Like the clothes, there were some purses that were kept for pure sentimental value. I have one designer purse that my grandma gave to me after she heard me say how much I’d love to own one one day (she had the purse and never used it). But I probably pulled 10 purses out of my closet to donate.

In the end, I had 4 very full bags of clothes and purses to donate to people who could really use and need them.

Clothes Donations

It felt so good to get all that stuff out of my house. I don’t miss them at all and things feel less cluttered than they did before. And I’ve rediscovered some clothes and purses that I had forgotten about because they were buried under all the other stuff.

After getting rid of all those clothes and purses, I also felt inspired to work on clearing out my fridge, freezer, and pantry. I’ve bought food that I felt that I should eat. I had some frozen fish, different veggie patties, and other quick meal things. I never ate any of them because they don’t taste good to me. There’s no need for me to keep healthy food in my house that I don’t eat. So a friend of mine took the perishable food from me and I donated the non-perishable stuff. I didn’t replace it with unhealthy things, but I wanted my healthy choices to make me happy and not make me feel guilty that I should eat them. My healthy options don’t have to match everyone else’s.

I probably spent a good chunk of my afternoon and evening cleaning out things from my house, but it feels so amazing now that it’s done. My clothes are only things that I wear now and make me happy. And my fridge and freezer doesn’t make me feel horrible when I’m looking for something to eat and nothing seems good to me. I’m making my house make me happy, and it’s working and I feel the results from that already.

A Night Out With Some Awesome Women (or Being Ok Being Awkward)

The other night, a friend of mine invited me to join her at a meeting of women writers. I asked her if it was ok for me to go even though I wasn’t a writer, and she said that the group was ok with it. This group had met before, but not all members had met before so it wouldn’t be like I walked into an established meeting.

My friend and I were the first ones at the bar we were meeting everyone at (after getting a perfect almost free parking space right in front!) and soon after we arrived more people showed up. We got a table for the group and started ordering food and drinks.

In the beginning, I was just listening to what everyone else was saying. They were updating each other on their lives and jobs and I didn’t want to interrupt. It was really cool to hear what all these awesome writers have been doing and not just listening to what other actors are doing (those conversations can be very repetitive and weird for me at times).

But soon after that, more women showed up for the group and our table got pretty full. There were maybe 8 or 9 of us and the bar was a bit loud. I really wanted to hear what everyone was saying and participate in the conversation, but it just got very difficult to hear. I listened to what the people immediately next to me were saying, but I was still not really a part of the group.

My friend (who was sitting next to me) noticed that I was being really quiet and not adding to the conversation and she interpreted it as me being bored. I explained that it wasn’t that I was bored but it was awkward in the group because I really didn’t know everyone and it was tough to be a part of the conversation. I wanted to be a part of things, but I had to be ok with the circumstances and be ok with being an outsider for the night.

It wasn’t the group’s fault at all. The table we had was pretty big, there were a decent number of people, and it was pretty loud. Even our waitress had trouble hearing us from time to time. So it wasn’t the best place to be when I tried to get to know a bunch of new people.

My friend and I left a bit on the earlier side because we had another place we wanted to stop by before it got too late, so we started to say our goodbyes to everyone. And I talked to everyone more while saying goodbye than I had all night. I was talking to people individually while we were standing next to each other. So the noise and number of people didn’t affect the conversation. And everyone in the group was so awesome and I wished that it had been easier to be a part of the group the entire evening. But it just wasn’t meant to be that night.

I’m sure that I will get to see everyone again in the future. Hopefully I’ll be invited to another group meeting and maybe it will be somewhere that is a bit quieter so I can feel like I’m part of everything. But even though I pretty much sat quietly in my chair during the meeting, it felt awesome getting out and getting to meet new people. I’ve been in my own bubble with my set group of friends for a while and I know I need to expand my friend circles. Meeting people who are awesome is always a good thing in my mind. And I learned from those brief conversations that everyone in that group was pretty awesome.

Broadway Sings Disney (or A Fun Adventure With An Awesome Friend)

When I set my 2016 goals and said that I wanted to have more fun with my friends, I had no clue that I would start of the new year with a really awesome friend hangout. But that’s exactly what happened.

My friend Dani asked me if I wanted to join her for this random show that she found discount tickets for online. She didn’t tell me too much about the show, but I said yes right away! I figured that no matter what it was, it could be super awesome and the best idea ever or super weird and would still be a fun story to share. She sent me more information about it and it was Broadway Sings Disney at Rockwell Table and Stage. Even after learning more about the event, there wasn’t much information about it online. I knew it would be singers singing Disney songs and that there was dinner at the venue, but that’s pretty much all Dani and I knew before getting to the show. But we both went into the show very excited to see who would be performing and what the show would be like.

Once we arrived, we got seated at a table right next to the stage. It was pretty funny because I had looked at the seating chart online ahead of time and said that it would be really awesome if we sat right next to the stage. But I assumed that since we had discounted tickets we’d have bad seats. We were pleasantly surprised to see that it wasn’t the case and loved being right next to the action (even though sometimes we were only seeing the profile or back of a performer).

Broadway Sings Disney

We were given menus and a song list of what would be sung that night and got some food ordered right away. We wanted to make sure that once the show started, we weren’t trying to flag down our waiter or trying to eat and watch the show at the same time.

Menu and Song List

Since there was a 2 item minimum for the show, Dani and I split 2 appetizers and we each got an entree.  We split some truffle fries and veggies with dip and we each got a steak salad for dinner.

Food Dinner

The food was really good, but the venue was pretty dark so it was a bit weird to eat. When I was eating my steak salad, I never knew if I had a piece of steak or lettuce on my fork until I ate it. It made the meal a bit of a mystery. Everything had the same blue tint to it due to the lighting and nothing really looked anything other than blue. While that made it odd to eat, it didn’t affect the taste and I was glad that a venue that has a food or drink minimum didn’t have bad food.

The show was really fun! All the singers were really good and almost everyone sounded like they could have come out of a Disney cartoon or movie. I pretty much knew every song (the benefits of being a big Disney person!) and I enjoyed every performance that each singer did. Some performers kept things very simple and some performers made it seem like a scene out of a musical. But the thing they all shared was being so enthusiastic about getting to perform, and I loved that!

The show wasn’t very long, but that was a good thing because I had to be up early the next morning. There are 2 more Broadway Sings Disney shows, and each show is with different performers. I’m hoping that I can maybe make it out to one more, but if I can’t this time I’m hoping to make it the next time they do the series.

I’m so grateful that Dani invited me to come to this show with her. I doubt I would have discovered it on my own. I had never heard of this venue before this show and I already know that I want to go see some of the other shows they have coming up there. This was a great way to start of my 2016 adventures with my friends and I can’t wait to see what the next adventure will be!

Some Disneyland Goodbyes (or Animation, Rides, and BBQ)

I went to Disneyland this past Monday with my friend June. She and I had this trip planned since our last Disneyland trip because we had a very specific mission. A bunch of things will be closing down starting on the 11th for the construction for the new Star Wars land. Many things are only closing temporarily, but some are closing forever. So we wanted to make our round of goodbyes to some of our Disneyland favorites.

We got to Disneyland around noon and started our day over at California Adventure. We had planned on riding Radiator Springs Racers, but as soon as we got in line the ride broke down. We didn’t really feel like waiting to see how long it would take to reopen, so we headed over to the Animation Academy for some drawing fun. I don’t know if I’ve actually ever done the Animation Academy at California Adventure before (I did it at Disneyworld when I went a long time ago), so I was excited to check it out. We were drawing Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas. And I did try my best to draw her, but clearly I have issues drawing circles. June was able to do a pretty great drawing!

Animation Academy

After that, we headed over to Disneyland for what we considered the main event of our trip. We went to the Big Thunder Ranch to get all you can eat BBQ!

Big Thunder Ranch

I’ve actually never been to the BBQ and sadly it’s closing on the 11th because it’s turning into Star Wars Land. June and I tried to go the last time we were at Disneyland, but we couldn’t get a reservation. So we made this one a few weeks in advance and planned our trip around it. It was really good and I’m sad that this trip was my first and last time getting to go. I loved the coleslaw (it was vinegar based) and the cornbread. And the BBQ ribs were messy and yummy.

BBQ

When we were done eating, we made our rounds through Big Thunder Ranch to say our goodbyes. We went over to the petting zoo and said goodbye to the donkeys and goats. All of the animals have been adopted already so we wished them the best in their new homes. I’m sure as a kid my parents took me to the petting zoo at Disneyland, but as an adult I really never went in there.

While we were saying our goodbyes to the goats (a lot of people were doing that and it was really crowded), we saw Pluto and how upset he is that the Big Thunder Ranch was closing.

Sad Pluto

All of Big Thunder Ranch is closing permanently and I think that we spent a decent amount of time admiring what we sadly did not take advantage of for many years. And hopefully Star Wars Land will have some sort of reminder of Big Thunder Ranch inside (many rides that take over other rides have Easter Eggs that are about the original ride).

Goodbye Big Thunder Ranch

After our big lunch, we went over to ride the Haunted Mansion. First, we didn’t want to do an extreme ride on a full stomach and second because we were inspired by drawing Sally earlier in California Adventure. It’s probably the last time I’ll be in the parks before Haunted Mansion changes back from the Nightmare Before Christmas overlay, so it was nice to see that one more time before it goes back to the normal Haunted Mansion.

Next on our list was to ride the train around. The Disneyland Railroad will be closed for at least a year to be rerouted during construction, and I really do love the train. We rode around the entire loop to check out the view and see the Grand Canyon and Primeval World dioramas and animatronics. I’m sad that I won’t be able to see those things again for a while and I’m going to miss having the railroad to use as transportation on busy days.

Next on our list was to ride Star Tours. This isn’t going away, but it was the first time I got to ride the ride since seeing the new Star Wars movie! I heard that they had added things to the ride that are from the new movie, and we got to go to Jakku as our first location on the ride and BB-8 was the hologram that appeared in the middle of the ride offering help. That was pretty awesome.

After the Star Tours ride, we decided that we should head over to Innovations where there are some Star Wars photo setups. The lines were too long so we took advantage of both Star Wars photos and the one Avengers one that was still open.

Character Photos

And since we have no idea how long the Hyperspace Mountain overlay will be at Space Mountain (I hope for a long time because I love it!), we rode it again. The ride is so wonderful with the overlay and the new effects that were added for it. We sat in the front row and it felt so fast that for a bit I couldn’t ride with my hands in the air. We tried to do a cute pose, but I almost had a quick wardrobe malfunction so I wasn’t quite into the pose when the photo was taken.

Hyperspace Mountain

By this point, we had been at Disneyland for a long time. But we had 2 more stops to make. First was to ride the Jingle Cruise, which is the holiday overlay for the Jungle Cruise. I had never seen the overlay before and it was really cool at nighttime with a bunch of lights strung around the ride. The jokes were as corny as always, but it was fun to see what they changed for the overlay.

And no trip to Disneyland is complete for me without a Dole Whip. So right after the Jingle Cruise, we got a Dole Whip and enjoyed it right next to the Enchanted Tiki Room.

Dole Whip

It really was a full day at Disneyland. There wasn’t really anything that we missed that we wanted to go on. I would have like to have taken the boat around the Rivers of America because that will also be closed for a year or so, but between riding the train around plus walking all over we got to see a lot of the river.

I know I’ll be at Disneyland again in February and I need to go to the parks soon to renew my pass (I might do a quick trip into the parks when I go to do my renewal). But I don’t think I’ll be there again before things closed down or go back from their holiday overlay so I’m glad that June and I were able to make it on Monday.

Moving Forward With Therapy (or Educating Myself)

I saw my therapist the other day. It had been a while since I had seen him and there were several things I wanted to discuss with him. First, I wanted to make sure that none of the pain that I’ve been dealing with lately have to do with my medication (they don’t). I also wanted to show off the happiness checklist that I had worked on since our last session. I think that he’s still shocked that I am keeping this up, but he’s encouraging me to keep going.

The main thing we discussed of course was my experience so far on Vyvanse. It’s a mixed feeling for me. I feel that it is making a little bit of difference, but it’s not as much difference as I would like or expected. And while I do have prescription coverage on my health insurance, it’s not cheap to be on daily medication. The main thing I told my therapist is that I don’t feel like I’m ready to give up on it yet, but I’m still torn on my feelings. He knows my hesitation with upping the dosage because there’s only so much you can take in a day, but his recommendation was to increase the dosage a little.

Before, I was taking 20mg twice a day (morning and lunchtime). Now, I’ll be taking 30mg in the morning and 20mg at lunchtime. So far, it’s going really well. But that’s how it is every time I start a new dose. My body loves the feeling of it because it’s an increase, but I can’t keep increasing it forever. I’m hoping that this dose will continue to work past those first few days, but I’ll have to wait and see what happens. I am having other positive side effects from the medicine, so that’s good. My panic/anxiety disorder has gotten much better and more manageable (the opposite of what usually happens on Vyvanse). I also have more focus and can concentrate on work without being distracted as easily.

The other thing I discussed with my therapist is that I’m really working on taking a more active approach to battling my eating disorder. I don’t think I’ve really been passive, but there is so much more that I can do and I’m going to make an effort at it. I’ve downloaded some apps that are designed for people with eating disorders to be able to focus on the disorder and keep things objective and not subjective. Part of these apps is a reminder to eat. While you’d think that I wouldn’t need a reminder to eat, forgetting to eat is a big part of my problem. It’s mainly lunch that I forget and by the time I remember I’m starving and want to eat everything in sight. So having a reminder to eat is helpful.

I’ve also started listening to a podcast about binge eating disorders. I’ve only listed to a few episodes so far, but I’m really enjoying it. While some of the stories aren’t exactly stories that I can relate to, it’s helpful to hear what other people have done that may or may not have worked. It gives me ideas of things to try to help myself.

I’ve also gotten a couple of books about binge eating disorder to read. I’ve had some of them for a while but never felt motivated to read them (I only felt motivated when I bought them). So I’m starting with “Brain Over Binge”. I’ve heard lots of good things about this book, so I’m hoping that it will help me a bit.

With all these new things that I’m doing to work on my eating disorder, my therapist has decided that unless I feel like I need to see him sooner I don’t need to be back for six months. This is definitely a big step and even though I know that I can see him sooner if I need to, I’m hoping that I can make it through six months on my own and feeling ok about things. I’ve already scheduled my appointment for six months from now so I don’t accidentally schedule something else that day. And I’m going to be continuing my with happiness checklist so I’ll have six months of tracking to bring to my next appointment.

I have no idea if after six months I’ll continue with the Vyvanse, but I have to say that I feel more positive and that getting my eating disorder under control is closer to me now than it ever has been.

Last Happy Hour Of 2015 (or A Speedy Catch Up)

My friend Rayshell and I have been trying to do monthly happy hours, but our schedules lately have been so busy and conflicting. We wanted to make sure we got in one more happy hour before the end of the year, and we both happened to have Monday evening free! So we scheduled a happy hour hangout immediately before either of us ended up booking something else we had to do on Monday!

We met on her side of town (which sadly took me forever to drive to due to rush hour, holiday traffic, and the rain), but all that driving stress was gone when I got there. We met at El Torito Grill (we go there a lot) and while I was a little bit late, Rayshell didn’t seem to care too much since I drove to her side of town.

I had brought her holiday card with me to happy hour (it saved me a stamp) and Rayshell gave me a bottle of wine! I was totally not expecting a holiday gift, so that was a pleasant surprise!

As soon as we ordered our food, I got to hear all about the trip that Rayshell and her fiancée just went on! It sounded like she had an awesome time and it made me start thinking that I should plan another trip soon. We also discussed her wedding and the upcoming bridal shower and bachelorette party. She’s got so much about her wedding already figured out and under control, so I know that it’s going to be an amazing party! There’s only a few more months before her wedding, so I’m getting really excited for all the festivities and to be celebrating Rayshell and Paul (her fiancée).

When Rayshell asked me about what was going on in my life, I had some things I could tell her about Thanksgiving and work. But I really didn’t have a ton of fun updates to talk about. I really wished that there was more going on in my life right now, but my days are pretty full and I’m not focusing on the fun things as much. I’m working on fixing that and I’m thinking that next year will be filled with more fun adventures.

We didn’t stay at happy hour too late. It was raining and while the patio we were eating on had space heaters, it’s was pretty cold. And I had told a friend of mine that I could get them at LAX and take them home after they returned from a trip.

I’m so glad that even though Rayshell and I didn’t manage to do happy hour every month, we did do a pretty decent number of them this year. Both of us are busy with our lives and since we live on opposite sides of town (a big deal in LA), we don’t always get to see each other unless we make the effort. I know that we will continue our happy hour tradition next year as well (the next happy hour will be on my side of town) and I’m looking forward to having more exciting things than work to update Rayshell on!

Learning About “Breaking Vegan” (or An Amazing Book Giveaway!)

I’m so excited to share this amazing book and giveaway with you all! But before I get to that, I wanted to give you a little back story.

I first heard of Jordan Younger when her blog post about ending her vegan diet went viral. She used to blog under the name The Blonde Vegan and changed her name to The Balanced Blonde to reflect her new lifestyle. I heard of her because I know the blogger The Balanced Brunette and someone mentioned the name similarity.

I had read the post about Jordan ending her vegan diet and was very proud of her. She had discovered that from the restrictions of the vegan diet that her food choices became more and more restrictive and ended up turning into orthorexia. There was a lot of backlash from her post including vegans being angry for her eating animal products again and from other people who didn’t believe that orthorexia was a real thing.

I could relate to people not understanding an eating disorder. I had the same issue with my binge eating disorder. At first, it wasn’t recognized as an eating disorder. When I was first diagnosed, it was classified as a non-purging bulimic and there wasn’t any help for me. And people (including some in the medical field) thought that it wasn’t real and that it was just an issue of me liking food too much. So to have a name, a diagnosis, and a treatment plan was a huge relief for me.

Jordan was able to get help for her eating disorder as well. After her post went viral, I started following her on social media and realized that she also works out at Orangetheory! And one day, I noticed her name on the heart rate monitor screen and introduced myself.

Jordan is seriously such an amazing woman and so open about her story. And with all that she learned through the beginning of her journey with her eating disorder, she wrote a book called “Breaking Vegan”.

The Balanced Blonde

Since Jordan knew me through Orangetheory she offered to send me a copy so I could check it out! I got it and started reading it immediately.

Breaking Vegan

What struck me the most (and what has stuck me with so many eating disorder stories) is how similar her story is to mine. Our eating disorders are very different, but so much the same. They start with small choices (both of us started with disordered eating issues as children) and balloon out of control without really realizing it. Jordan’s book is very well written and beautifully laid out. Her story includes photos of her throughout her journey and in the back there are some great recipes for healthy meals (I’ll hopefully be making some of those soon!).

I understand that there is some controversy with the title because not everyone who goes vegan develops an eating disorder. But this story is a personal story of what happened to Jordan and how her discovering a vegan lifestyle helped to make her eating disorder come out. It would be the same as if I said that ice cream created my binge eating disorder (it didn’t, but that’s an example). Of course it’s not the fault of ice cream, but that ice cream led me down the path to the eating disorder that I believe I was genetically at risk for.

I highly recommend this book both to those who have an eating disorder as well as those who don’t. Those who have an eating disorder may find comfort in knowing that you aren’t alone, crazy, or weird. That’s how I felt reading this. And those without an eating disorder can see how easy it is to spiral an eating habit into an eating disorder and get an idea of the mindset of someone with an eating disorder and why it’s so difficult to overcome them.

Of course, I recommend everyone buying the book, but I’m also giving away a copy! You just need to enter through Rafflecopter below and you do as many of the entry options as you want (the tweet option is available every day!). The contest will end at 12am on Christmas Day so I will be playing Jewish Santa and emailing the winner on Christmas!

a Rafflecopter giveaway
I hope that you all enter this giveaway and even if you don’t win you read this book. We should all support Jordan for sharing her story because it is so difficult to do! If more people were open with their eating disorders, I believe that more people would reach out for help and would realize that they don’t have to be alone in this journey.