Category Archives: Celebrations

Celebrating My Mom (or She Hit A Big Milestone)

It’s been a long time since I’ve written about my mom’s cancer on here. And that’s for a good reason. My mom had surgery, chemo, and radiation and she was declared cancer-free after her treatments. She still has sporadic appointments to get checked out and for other things, but she hasn’t needed any further treatments beyond her original treatment plan!

When my mom was originally diagnosed, there was a lot of information coming at us to understand what all of this meant. Even though my entire family is in medicine, cancer was a new things for us all and there was so much that we didn’t know. And there was plenty that my parents knew that they didn’t necessarily tell me. We never discussed survival rates because we also knew that it really didn’t mean much. I’ve had medical situations that were 1 in a million so even if the survival rate was 1% my mom could be the 1% that survives (I think it’s really closer to 75% but I’m not too sure).

The one thing that we did know was that getting to the 5 year mark was important and a good sign. We didn’t realize that the anniversary date is from the date of diagnosis before my mom got treatment. I guess I always figured 5 years cancer free means 5 years from when doctors declare you cancer-free. But it’s really a 5 year survival marker which is 5 years of surviving past diagnosis. It makes sense thinking about it now, but I remember at first that it was a weird idea.

Well, today marks 5 years for my mom! It seems like forever ago that my mom was diagnosed and that I felt so overwhelmed by the news. I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I found out from my mom. It was a day that for several hours I wondered if I imagined hearing the news. And I had an event to go out to that night that I really couldn’t skip out on and I felt so weird trying to put on a happy face. I remember sitting at home with a friend the day my mom had surgery (she didn’t want me to come up because there would be delays in the surgery schedule) and waiting on the news that she was out of surgery and it went well. I was so surprised when it was my mom who Facetimed me and my friend and I both told her how amazing she looks after surgery. Her hair looked better coming out of surgery than my did that day!

I remember seeing my mom’s scar for the first time and the first time I saw her without her hair and her wig. I rarely saw her without her wig, but she did show it off to me once. And I remember celebrating every milestone that she hit like when she was done with chemo and when she was done with radiation. And now I get to celebrate her again!

The 5 year mark is a big one but it’s not a guarantee. My mom will always be at risk for the cancer coming back, but it’s much less likely now that she made it 5 years. It’s a milestone that I know we have all been looking toward for so long. Even though in a way it doesn’t matter because she has been fine since her treatments, I’ve been waiting for the 5 year mark so that I could breathe a little easier. Somehow now, it seems more likely that we won’t have to worry about this any more. I know things can change, but this feels like we don’t have to think about it as much.

I have had several friends in the past 5 years get a cancer diagnosis and I know they are all looking toward the 5 year mark. And while all of my friends have been amazing how they’ve handled things and almost all of them have completed their treatments, my mom is still the most incredible person I know who has gone through treatments. The way she handled herself and was able to support our family as well when we were all having tough moments is so inspiring. I know that even with me dealing with my non-cancerous tumors, I wasn’t as amazing as she was and I wasn’t dealing with anything nearly as serious.

I guess the next milestone would be 10 years cancer-free, but that’s never been something I’ve really thought about as far as my mom not having to worry about cancer anymore. Getting to 5 years has been something we’ve all talked about for so long and it’s such a relief that my mom has made it. While I haven’t thought about her cancer for a while, it has been in the back of my head. Now, I can just relax and keep feeling reassured that she is fine and that cancer is in her past.

A Friend-Filled Fourth (or Just Enjoying Being Around Awesome People)

As you might have been able to tell from my post on the 4th of July, I was having some mixed feelings about celebrating. A lot of people I knew felt the same way and I think many people had the same conflicting feeling about what they should do and what would feel almost disrespectful. Even though I had that feeling, my friends were hosting their 4th of July BBQ on the 4th (instead of doing it the weekend before) and I knew I’d be going there for sure.

I arrived right after the party started and there were a few people there. We were all sitting in the shade since it was hot and we all were having the same feelings. In a way, it helped to be around people who were feeling the same since I didn’t have to feel like a total downer for not being in a celebratory mood. While we did try to not talk politics too much, it did come up and we were trying to keep the conversation more toward actions steps we can take and not just complaining about the situation.

Once more people showed up, the party started to be more social and more like all the other parties they throw. There was a ton of food (I made Drunk Fruit again) and the BBQ was going with hot dogs, veggie dogs, and corn on the cob. It was a good classic summer BBQ and that’s exactly what I needed to have in my life, even if I was hesitant about being in a celebratory mood.

And of course, I had to get my friends together for our traditional photo. 4 years ago we took a photo while running through the sprinklers. Even though the sprinklers haven’t been on since that party, we have recreated that photo every year. We did 2 runs through the lawn just being silly and ridiculous, and we got some really great photos like this one.

But I went with a different photo that fit a bit better into the collage I was making to celebrate 5 years of taking this photo.

It’s a silly thing that we do, but I think all 4 of us agree that this photo is something that makes us happy. After I make the collage I show the others and I can tell that seeing all the photos together over the years makes them smile as much as I do. We’ve all agreed that this tradition can’t end anytime soon and we want to make it at least to 10 years of photos. We are halfway there already!

I spent most of the party trying to move around and talk to as many of my friends there as possible. Since I don’t see many of them outside of these parties, I want to take advantage of the time I do have with them. And I think that’s how everyone else feels too. The time at the parties always feels special and a bit precious because it’s a time we are all together and can just relax around each other. For me, celebrating the holidays I celebrate at these parties is all about the people I get to be around. It’s the most important thing to me and I’m glad I have so many amazing people to be with on these days.

The entire day people had been setting off fireworks, but you can’t see anything until it gets dark (I don’t understand why people are setting them off at 11am). Once the sun went down, we started noticing the various fireworks shows that were happening all around us. You could look almost any direction and see fireworks in the sky. Several people went up on the roof, but I stuck with being on the ground this year.

One day I’ll learn how to take better pictures of fireworks, but until then I am grateful to friends who can take awesome photos and are willing to let me use them on here.

I ended up staying at the party later than I was planning on doing. When I was trying to say goodbye to people, I just kept getting into more intense conversations and it took me about 45 minutes from the time I said I was going to leave until I was walking out to my car. But that’s ok. I was still out of there at a decent time before too many people were leaving parties and being on the road. And I was home a bit later than I would have liked, but I still got enough sleep before having to get up for work the next morning.

The next party with my friends should be toward the end of the summer and I know that there is a chance I won’t get to see many of these friends until then. As much as we all want to see each other more often, between living far apart (by LA standards since in rush hour some of these friends live 2.5 hours from me) and all having busy lives, we know that it’s not necessarily going to happen. But that’s what makes these parties so important and special to me. This is a time that we set aside in our crazy schedules to come together and have fun. This isn’t something that everyone gets to experience and I’m so lucky that I have a group like these friends who appreciate it as much as I do.

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4 Years Of Orangetheory (or Some More Reflection)

Last week when I was on Instagram I saw that the Orangetheory LA account was announcing what celebratory things would be happening at different studios to celebrate 4 years since the first Los Angeles Orangetheory location opened. It’s crazy to think that it’s been over 4 years since my first class! It feels like I’ve been doing the workouts for forever (in a good way) but it also doesn’t feel like 4 years have passed since that first class where I struggled so much.

Since they were celebrating 4 years, I figured I should celebrate a bit too and I worked on a photo collage of some of my favorite OTF memories. There were way too many photos to include without making them too tiny to see, but I think I came up with a pretty nice collection.

Those photos only show a small representation of all the incredible things I’ve done in my workouts. And while I was going through my photos to pick what I was going to include it really made me reflect on all the things I had accomplished in the past 4 years.

First, I’ve done hundreds of workouts in that time. It still surprises me that I have been able to keep up such a regular workout routine for this long. It was something I never was really able to do before so to have this regularity in my life is amazing and makes me so happy. And while I don’t always look forward to every workout and I sometimes have to drag myself there, I am always happy that I did the class and feel very accomplished. Sometimes I’m tired and sore, but accomplished.

I’ve also brought friends and family to class with me. Some of my friends have become regular workout buddies and some have just done an occasional class with me. But it’s always nice to have a familiar face with me. And while none of my family is nearby or does OTF workouts regularly, we do have our Thanksgiving tradition of going to a workout. We plan on continuing this tradition again this year, but we don’t know who will be joining us. But even if nobody else wants to workout, I know that my dad and I would go. My dad has done occasional classes in LA with me too. And I’ve told him that whenever I make it back to the Bay Area that we’ll have to do a class there too.

But not only do I have friends in class that I brought with me, I’ve made amazing friends in class. When you see the same people every week, you start to form a friendship. It’s so nice to have the support of people I know in every class and it also helps to make me look forward to a workout even if I’m not necessarily looking forward to the exercise part. And not only do the friends I’ve made in class make me feel that way, but the coaches I have do that too. Several of the coaches have been my coach since I started and they’ve seen my progress and the setbacks I’ve had. But they always support and encourage me no matter what’s happening.

I’ve also accomplished some fun things in this last 4 years. That includes doing 4 different Hell Weeks (in my photo, I thought I had only done 3 but I was wrong), several DriTris including a relay, and a running class. I never thought I could do any of these things before and I can’t wait until I can do more of them to see what progress I’ve made. And the progress isn’t just in class for me. I’ve made huge improvements in my 5K races. Once I’ve gotten better and can be on the treadmill again, I want to start making a plan to do another 5K race. The race might not end up being in 2018, but I want to have a plan in place so I can create a training schedule and have some goals in mind.

The last 4 years of workouts has really been life-changing for me in so many ways. The physical changes have been awesome, but the mental ones have been even better. I’ve become more confident, more comfortable with myself, and have discovered how strong I really am. And I’ve realized that despite what I might look like, I am an athlete and there’s no denying that. It’s an empowering thought to have and I never knew that it would be something I thought about myself.

4 years of workouts have changed me and have flown by. And I can’t wait to see where I am physically and mentally after the next 4 years.

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1500 Posts (or This Really Is Just A Part Of My Life)

While I do have my blog anniversary marked in my calendar, I really don’t think too much about blog milestones much anymore. I actually missed acknowledging my 1,000th post because I didn’t think about it. And the only reason why I knew this would be my 1,500th post is because 2 weeks ago someone asked me how many blog posts I’ve done so far. I looked up the number and realized this milestone was coming up. While I knew I had written a bunch of posts since my last milestone post, I honestly had no clue that I was about to get to another milestone.

If I hadn’t been asked about it, I could have gone several months without checking to see how many posts I’ve done. When I started, it was such a big deal when I realized how many posts I had done because it was proof of me following through with a goal to keep this blog. But it’s become so normal for me now that I don’t really know what a milestone really means for me.

On the days I don’t write a blog post (either I don’t need one for the next day or I’m blogging in advance and don’t need to write), it almost feels weird and that something is missing in my life. I’m so used to having the time most days to reflect on a specific event or subject that when I don’t have that moment I miss it. I almost crave the time I take to write my posts. I don’t crave it enough to try to blog every single day (5 days a week is enough), but it really has become almost a part of my self-care work. It would be nice if other aspects of my life could feel so needed to me like meal planning, cooking, or stretching. But for now, I can be happy that blogging feels so natural and normal.

But even though in a way having a milestone like this doesn’t feel like a big deal because this blog is just a part of my life, it is a big deal and I should recognize that. I have several blogger friends who either just didn’t like blogging or didn’t feel like they could keep up with it. Even friends of mine who were much more successful than I am have decided it wasn’t worth it. Maybe they felt like the money they got wasn’t worth it, but I find this so worth it even though I don’t make money from here (I do have ads and affiliate links, but I’ve made under $100 over the entire lifetime of my blog).

I have had people ask me how long I’m going to keep blogging. For me, I really can’t see myself stopping. I can imagine in the future maybe I won’t be blogging every day (I had that thought last year when I was going to have surgery), but I don’t see an end point yet. Maybe in the future I’ll be done with doing this, but this blog isn’t necessarily about a journey that will have a conclusion. This is the journey of my life and there have been lots of twists and turns that I never imagined when I started this. Obviously I never thought I’d have liver tumors and that took my blog in a new direction. I also never thought I’d be blogging about dating (partially because that felt too personal and partially because I didn’t have much to say), but I’ve written lots of posts about that too. And I’m sure that there will be so many more posts about things in the future that I can’t imagine right now.

It’s funny to think about how worried I was to be a good blogger when I started when in reality I just needed to be consistent, true to myself, and honest. I’m not the most interesting person and I know there are plenty of boring posts on here, but that’s the truth of my life. And even if I feel like I don’t have anything interesting in my life, I’ve got 1,500 posts on here saying otherwise. And while I know that not all 1,500 posts have been the most interesting ones, they are proof of the life that I’m living and that I am making progress in many aspects of my life.

Enjoying Valentine’s Day (or Celebrating The Love I Do Have In My Life)

I know that plenty of people hate Valentine’s Day. Either they feel like it’s a made up holiday or they feel like there is no point to it or they hate that they don’t have someone to celebrate with. And in the past I haven’t always been the biggest fan of Valentine’s Day. I’ve always been single on it and have never had a significant other to celebrate with.

And I’m still single and don’t have someone special to celebrate today with. I do feel like I’m making the best effort I have ever in the dating world with all my online dating adventures. I don’t think I’ve ever had as many dates as I’ve had in the past year. And there are a lot of idiots that I’m encountering, but fortunately there have been nice guys that I’ve met too. So the nice ones are balancing out the idiots and I’m still optimistic and hopeful that I will meet someone special. And even though I’ve been having fun with these dates, it would be nice to have met someone who can take me off of the online dating and I could build a relationship with.

But even though I don’t have romantic love, I do have so much love in my life. And to me, Valentine’s Day doesn’t just have to be about celebrating romantic love. If that’s the case, I think it’s just too limiting and it does exclude others who want to celebrate the people they love.

I know that I am loved by my family. I am so lucky to have the family that I do have. My parents support me so much (including financially when I need it) and I am so grateful for that. I don’t know what I would be doing without their support. And my extended family is supportive as well and they are there if I need them. I know if something happened I could call different family members and they would be there for me and would help me out in whatever ways they could.

But to me the biggest love in my life is the love I have with my friends. I’ve always felt lucky to have the friends that I have, but I think that lately those friendships have just gotten so much stronger and that makes things even better. Part of this could be that I have been open to being a bit more dependent on my friends than I have in the past. I love being independent and not feeling like I need anyone, but I’ve learned to appreciate having people there and what benefits that brings to my life. While I never want to feel totally dependent on another person, having a little bit of dependency means that you are open and vulnerable with them. And that only brings a stronger relationship between friends.

Most of my friends are married or in relationships so they will be out tonight with their significant others. But that is bothering me much less than it has in the past. I don’t feel left out or that something is necessarily missing. In some way, my dating adventures has helped me realize everything that I do have without a relationship and I appreciate it even more. And when I do get into a relationship that person will be adding to my life and not filling a missing piece of it. That’s probably a much healthier way to have a relationship start and I have my friendships and their love to thank for that.

Obviously even though I have so much love with my friends and family, I do still want romantic love. It is something that I have been seeking even if it’s not something that necessarily feels like it is missing from my life. But having as much love as I do in my life gives me hope that when I find the right guy I will be able to get the love that I deserve from that relationship. I’ve got the best examples of loving relationships in my life and I know that one day I will have the same. Maybe I’m just crazy to be as optimistic and hopeful about things as I am, but I feel like there has been a shift in my life lately that has allowed me to be more open to romantic love but not feeling like I’m desperate for it. It’s a nice place to be in while I’m still looking for the right guy.

So whether the big love in your life is a romantic one, a friend, a family member, or even just yourself; I hope that however you are celebrating love today that you are having a wonderful time doing it!

Surprising A Friend Headed To Broadway (or I Have More Motivation To Plan My NYC Trip)

I’m sure there are some people who get jealous when their friends have amazing accomplishments, but I’m not one of them. I love to get to celebrate people’s successes and it makes me more motivated to create successes myself! My friend Matt got a job as an understudy on Broadway and he’s about to move to New York! I’m so excited for him and I know he’s going to do amazing in NYC. And to celebrate the move and his job, Matt’s wife Carolina organized a surprise party for him!

I love surprise parties, but I haven’t had the chance to be at that many. So I was super excited to get to be at this one and I knew it would be a great party. We were all supposed to arrive at the party about 30 minutes before Matt and Carolina were going to arrive. I got there a bit earlier and was able to help with some of the set up. There were some really fun decorations to celebrate Matt and his job on Broadway and I helped with filling in some letters on the giant chalkboard.

Right before Matt and Carolina arrived, we were warned so we could get into place. We were all near the gate they would be walking in and we were crouched down so he wouldn’t see our heads peeking over the fence.  It was pretty funny waiting for the gate to open because we were all waiting toward one gate and then I guess the plan changed for them to walk in another gate. One of the hosts was singing and talking loudly so we would get that they would be coming in a different gate and we all turned around and repositioned ourselves.

The story Carolina told Matt about why there were coming over to the house where the party was being held was that they were dropping off a table there. So when we all surprised Matt, he was carrying a table inside. 

Surprising Matt from Jen Levin on Vimeo.

He had no clue this party was happening and it was so great to see how surprised he was! Carolina worked so hard to make this party happen and I am so happy that it went off exactly how she wanted it to be. I was just so excited to see how happy Matt was that we were all gathered to celebrate him!

There were a bunch of people I knew at the party so I spent a lot of time chatting with them. We were all catching each other up on life and other random things and we all did get a chance to talk to Matt a bit. But there were a lot of people there who wanted to talk to him and none of us wanted to dominate his time.

I know we are all going to miss Matt when he’s in New York. He’s one of the leaders of Union Working and his leadership at the meetings will be missed. But maybe he’ll have the opportunity to start a chapter of the group in NYC while he is there!

My sister-in-law and I have been talking about doing another NYC trip soon and we both know we need to do it! And now that I’ll have another friend living there it’s extra motivation to plan the trip! There’s no guarantee that when we do plan our trip that Matt will be performing (as the understudy he won’t necessarily know what nights he performs in advance), but it would be amazing if the timing worked out so we could see him in the show! But even if that doesn’t work out, I know it will be great to get to see him and Carolina again.

I wanted to stay at the party longer, but I was only able to stay a few hours because I had to get home for some work and errands (being a responsible adult stinks sometimes). But before I left, I needed a photo with Matt! And of course, other friends joined in because as actors we can’t resist a camera.

Congrats again Matt on your amazing gig in NYC! I know that everyone is so excited for you and can’t wait to see what other accomplishments you’ll have on your NYC adventure!

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Joining The 500 Club (or A Special Workout Class)

As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I actually did 5 workouts last week. I had my normal workouts on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. But I also had a workout on Sunday as well. But this wasn’t just any workout. This workout was a class that you had to be invited to attend.

I found out that this class was only for the select few members who have done at least 500 classes. I don’t know exactly how many people have done that, but they mentioned that it was a pretty small number. And even though this workout would mean that I would end up doing 4 workouts in a row between last week and this week, I knew that I had to take the class no matter what! And the class was coached by Drew, who doesn’t usually teach when I go, so I wanted to make sure I made it for his class.

The class was a pretty tough one. It was strength based so there was a lot of inclines on the treadmills, heavy weights on the floor, and lots of rowing. There were 3 groups in the class so we did switch and that helped. But that doesn’t change that I think all of us wanted to show our best ability in class because we knew that we were an elite group. The social media manager for the studio was there taking videos and photos of us during class, and I saw myself on their Instagram feed after class was done.

This post isn’t a workout recap. To be honest, I don’t remember a ton about the workout because I was super focused on doing my best and not remembering what was happening each block. This post is about how I diminished and underestimated my accomplishments and never realized that I have become one of the hard-core members of my studio.

I’ve been going to Orangetheory at least 3 times a week every week since they opened. Since then, I’ve almost attended 650 classes (that does include my workouts in San Diego at Thanksgiving). That’s a pretty amazing accomplishment, but I just assumed that a lot of people have done that. I see a lot of the same people in class from week to week and I always thought that most of them take other classes at times that I don’t go. So while I know that over 600 classes is an accomplishment, I figured that a lot of people had done that.

But to realize that there weren’t that many of us who have done enough workouts to be invited to this class was eye-opening. I had to take a moment to think about it and realize how this shows my dedication to my fitness. This isn’t to say that people who haven’t done 500 classes aren’t dedicated. A lot of my friends either didn’t join as early as I did or go to other workouts throughout the week, and they are super dedicated too. But for me, who never probably did 500 classes of any other workouts combined, this is proof of my work. While I don’t see the proof all the time on my body, this has gotten it into my mind.

After the class was done, they had cake out in the lobby for us all.

I was going out to dinner right after the class so I skipped out on the cake. But they also had special Orangetheory hats for us all that had “500” embroidered on the back that I got. That is a really awesome hat and I know that I will wear it with pride!

I really love how my Orangetheory studio does special stuff like this for members. They always work on building us as a community and not just as random people who work out. It’s such a special feeling to know that I am part of an amazing group of athletes. Even if I don’t feel like one myself, I know that I am getting there. I can’t do as many workout as I have without at least making steps to being the elite athlete that so many members are!

I don’t know if there will be another milestone class thing like this. I am over halfway to 1,000 classes so maybe there will be one for that. But even if there aren’t other classes like this again for me, I love knowing that I have done over 500 classes and got to celebrate that accomplishment!

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Holiday Cheesecake (or Birthday Twins and Twinkle Lights)

The last few years it has been a tradition for my birthday twin, Joanna, and I to get cheesecake around the holidays. We haven’t always been successful with our timing, but we have been pretty good about at least doing it eventually between our birthday adventures. But this time, I wanted to make sure we were on top of it and I texted Joanna before around Christmas to find out when we could get cheesecake. Somehow, we both ended up being free right before NYE so we made a date for our cheesecake outing.

I was totally looking forward our hangout and then of course it ended up happening right as I was starting to feel my worst. But I wasn’t going to miss this tradition so I took some painkillers and hoped for the best. Fortunately, Joanna is such an amazing friend and understood that I wasn’t feeling so great. So she probably took charge more often in the conversation and I’m so grateful for her for that! We knew that it was going to be crowded and that there would be a wait for a table, but normally when they tell us it will be an hour it’s really just a fraction of that. But this time, we ended up waiting almost 90 minutes for a table. But we were determined to get our cheesecake and figured this just gave us more time to catch up.

We both have been having adventures in online dating so we were sharing stories about that. And she had just been to visit her family so she was updating me on how everyone in her family are doing. It was a pretty chill hangout and catch up but I’m always so grateful that we get to spend this time together. She and I both have weird and sometimes crazy schedules so we don’t get to see each other that often. More often than not, the only times we see each other are for our birthday and for the cheesecake. So we need to maximize each hangout.

Once we finally got a table, we ordered pretty quickly. We’ve both been to Cheesecake Factory enough to know what we want (although the flatbread that Joanna likes was just taken off the menu) and we got to looking at the menu at the cheesecake which was the most important part of the meal to us. I ordered a salad for my dinner and we decided on red velvet and tres leches cheesecake to have. We’ve learned that we can ask the server to split each piece of cheesecake in half, so we each get half of each slice.

Somehow I always have room for dessert even though I was still feeling pretty awful. But I knew I ate too much so we decided to walk around a bit after dinner. All of the Christmas lights were still up at the Grove and it really was beautiful. It was the first time this season that I had seen the lights and I’m glad I didn’t miss my chance to check them out!

We also went to check out the tree, but it’s so big that it’s almost impossible to get a photo of the entire tree!

But we decided that the tree was the perfect background for us to take a photo together!

It wasn’t as crowded by the tree and decorations as it was near dinner, so it was nice to be able to walk around and not feel totally squished. The crowds are the main reason why I rarely go to the Grove, but whenever I go there I’m reminded about how nice it is there and how fun the holiday decorations are. But I think that it will probably be a once a year type of adventure. Plus, most of the stores and restaurants there are places I can go to somewhere else so I’m not always that motivated to drive over there. But it makes a perfect place to meet for our annual cheesecake dinner!

After checking out the decorations, it was time for us to head back to our cars. I really was trying to keep a smile on my face and ignore the pain I was in, but I knew I needed to get home to get some more painkillers in me (I ended up missing a party I was supposed to go to after dinner because I was feeling so horrible). But even though I wasn’t feeling that great, I’m so glad that I went out for cheesecake. It’s an important tradition for us and also it was a nice distraction from how I was feeling!

While I know that Joanna and I have good intentions to try to hang out again before our birthday, I know that there’s a good chance that the next time we will see each other will be for our birthday dinner. But at least we both know that we try to hang out more often and when we do get together we maximize the time that we have!

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Ringing In 2018 (or Being Festive While Being Lazy On The Couch)

I had been looking forward to New Year’s Eve for a while. It’s always a great party and I knew that I’d be seeing a bunch of my friends there. And I was hoping for a much easier time getting home after the party compared to the year before (that’s when my car died). Everything seemed to be going my way until the week of New Year’s Eve.

That’s when I started dealing with the nausea and pain from hormones and I started to question if I was even going to make it to the party. I felt so horrible and wasn’t sure if I’d be a good party guest. But then I realized that not going to the party wasn’t going to make me feel better and I wanted to see my friends no matter what. So I took all my medications to try to help me get through the evening and headed to the party.

I did accessorize with my bracelets with my words of 2017 and 2018 on them because it felt like a fun way to celebrate a new year.

When I got to the party, I wasn’t feeling too bad. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to eat anything, but I was able to hang out outside and be social with my friends. It was a smaller party than it has been in the past so it was easier to talk to people and catch up.

But after about an hour, I felt like my medications weren’t working anymore and the pain and nausea were getting to me again. I wasn’t going to leave the party, but I decided to go lay down on a couch in their living room to try to feel better. For a little while, I was by myself in there and that was fine with me. But slowly people started joining me in the living room to hang out and dance. I stayed on the couch being lazy and trying to feel better but it was nice to feel like I was still involved a bit.

Pretty much everyone at the party knew the situation with how I was feeling, so nobody was making a big deal out of me not doing much at the party. And people seemed to be making a bit of an effort to come over to hang out with me since they knew I wasn’t going to be getting up from the couch. And while I was feeling bad most of the time, there were moments that I felt like myself again and I managed to take a fun photo with some of my friends.

I was at the party for a few hours, and for a majority of that time I was on the couch not feeling so great. It was nice to have the distractions of my friends, but it was a bit frustrating to not feel like myself and to not be participating as much as I would have liked. Everyone seemed so happy and at times I worried that I was being a downer and bringing the party down (I know in reality I wasn’t, I just felt that way).

Right before midnight we turned on the tv to watch the ball drop (even though it was technically a 3 hour delay from when it happened in New York). I fortunately was feeling slightly better as midnight approached so I got off the couch and joined everyone to celebrate the new year. Even though I don’t drink that much now, I would have had some of the champagne if I was feeling ok. But I didn’t think mixing pain and anti-nausea meds with even a little bit of alcohol was a smart idea. So I toasted the new year with water instead.

I was happy that I made it to midnight with my friends, but right after I decided it was time to head home and get to bed. The party was going strong when I was leaving, but everyone knows that I like to leave before it gets too late because I don’t want to have to deal with crazy drivers on the road. I was also a bit paranoid that something would happen on my drive back like last year. Fortunately, I got home without any issues and was in bed before 1am.

While this wasn’t the New Year’s Eve that I had been looking forward to, it still ended up being a fun time. I think that just being around my friends is what makes these parties so great for me. The next party will be the Oscar party and I’ve already started to work on my costume for it. I’ve got a fun idea for the costume and I think it shouldn’t be too tough for me to do!

My 2018 Goals (or Pushing Myself And Being Gentle With Myself)

I think that my goal setting for each year always takes an interesting twist. I get so ambitious with what I want to do and then I get so fearful that I won’t be able to accomplish them. I know that not succeeding at every goal is ok, but I do also like to set myself up for success. So when I was thinking about my goals for this year, I did a lot of reflection on what has worked in the past and what hasn’t worked as well. And I think I created a pretty good set of goals for the year.

My first goal for 2018 is a Orangetheory one. I like setting a workout goal for the year because it helps me stay on top of things. And when I have an annual goal, I can break it down and know what my monthly goal needs to be as well. Last year I did pretty amazing with my workout goal so I want to push that just a bit further. I want to do 199 workouts in 2018. I think it should be possible because I’m pretty much doing 4 workouts a week every week. I need to make sure that I do that again this year. And there’s a chance I might have to have a few 5 workout weeks to make up for things. But I know what I need to be doing each month to accomplish this so I can keep checking in with myself as the months go on this year.

My next goal is to find at least 1 5K race to do. Neither of my regular races are probably happening this year, and I don’t want to have a year that I don’t do at least one race. It’s been a long time since I haven’t had any races in a year and I don’t want to make that this year. It was weird enough only having 1 race last year. I would like to try to have 2 races, but I am picky on what races I do and since I have no clue what will connect with me I don’t want to set myself up too much for that to not work out. Hopefully I’ll have more than 1 race, but I’m going to make sure that there is at least 1.

The next goal could be related to either of the previous goals. I want to set a new PR with my mile time. It’s much more likely that it will happen at Orangetheory when we have a mile challenge than in a race where I need to pace myself, but you never know when it will happen. I know what my mile PR is and I know it will be very difficult to beat it. But I think that having that as a goal will help me work harder on my running so that the goal is much more possible at some point this year.

Next is something I also had last year. I want to get my debt down to a number that is a goal in my head. I missed hitting this goal last year but I also had some financial setbacks (mainly having my hours cut back significantly at one of my jobs) that I think really contributed to me missing the goal. But now with my current financial status I think I can hit that goal and maybe even get a bit further than that. It won’t be easy, but I’m really going to try. I know that no matter what, I will get my debt down more and that is always a victory. But I’d really like to hit this goal this year!

And finally, I set a recovery related goal. It’s always tough for me to pick a recovery related goal because this is where I can really set myself up to feel like I failed. As much as I’d like to say that I want to be in recovery by the end of 2018, that is not realistic. And the baby steps in recovery aren’t easy to measure (or at least, not easy for me to measure on my own). So when I was thinking about what I wanted to do in my eating disorder recovery this year, all I could think about is how I can’t just keep doing what I’m doing. I need to make changes to see changes. And that idea inspired my goal. I want to try new recovery methods and ideas this year. I don’t know what methods and ideas they may be, but I want to be more open to new ideas and see what sticks. Trying new recovery methods doesn’t mean that they will work, but I won’t know unless I try which is the idea of this goal.

So there are my goals for 2018. I think that I’ve set some things that I should be able to do and things I will need to strive for. And I can’t wait to see how these end up getting accomplished this year and I know that before I know it I will be writing my post updating you all on how it went!