Category Archives: Acting

Reflecting Back On 2014 (or How I Did With My Goals)

I can’t believe that 2014 is ending! It really seems like it was just a month or two ago that I was posting my goals for this year.

I just want to take some time and reflect on my year and the goals that I had set out for myself.

I really felt like 2014 was a rebuilding year for me and my family. While 2013 did have some great moments, there were also a lot of sad and stressful ones. I think of 2013 as the year that Ross and Krystle got married, that my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and my family lost two dogs. While we did technically adopt Tucker right before New Year’s Eve last year, I think of 2014 as the year he joined our family.

In 2014, so many positives happened for my family. Adopting Tucker was a big one, but the biggest was my mom being declared cancer-free. Knowing that she is ok (even though we all knew that she would be in the beginning) really has taken so much stress out of my life. I know that there are still some stressful times ahead with making sure that she stays cancer-free (and now I have annual mammograms to worry about too), but knowing that it’s all good right now just makes me so happy.

This was also a rebuilding year for me as far as my health goes. I have finally connected with a workout in a way that I had hoped for. And very recently I’ve been getting my food in a better place too. This isn’t to say that I don’t have days where I seriously struggle, but I’m taking more and more steps in the right direction.

So let’s take a look back at my goals from last year and see how I did with them.

My first goal was to continue to do 5Ks. I did 3 this year. And while that is much less than the year prior, I’m ok with that. I don’t love doing 5Ks as much as I want to, but the few races that I did do are ones that I look forward to a lot. I also got a new PR which I am very excited about!

My next goal was to make spin a regular habit. This did not happen. I stopped going to SoulCycle a while ago because I have replaced it with Orangetheory. I’m planning on going back next year every so often to spin, but I really wanted to focus on Orangetheory during the second half of this year. But since I did make exercise a regular habit, I’m declaring this goal as a partial success.

Next on my list was to track my food/exercise better. I’m still using MyFitnessPal to track my food every day. I’m much happier tracking it when I’m making smart choices. And as far as tracking my exercise, I think I’m doing pretty great at that too. It makes it easy to track my exercise in MyFitnessPal when Orangetheory tells me exactly how many calories I’m burning in each workout.

The next goal I had set was to get into an improv class. I failed to do this goal. I had every intention of getting started at UCB this year. I even purchased the book that all students are required to read. But I think the lack of stability with my job got to me. When I thought I knew when a class would fit into my schedule I would lose my job and everything changed. I’m feeling pretty stable with my current day job, but I’m still looking for something else to help me make enough each month. Once that stability is set, I think I can look into class again.

Next was pay down my debt and not add more. While I did pay down some of the debt, it was impossible to not add more this year. With some expenses having to be put on a credit card, there was no way to not add to it. But when I did have those expenses, I tried to pay off exactly what I spent by the time the bill came around.

Then I had the goal of going on another vacation. While I did go to visit my parents, those don’t seem to feel like vacations to me. They seem like getting to have family time. That’s probably because I’m either visiting them at the house I grew up in or I’m at their place in Tahoe. But I did get to go on a fabulous trip to New York with my sister-in-law this past spring. That trip was amazing and we are planning to try to go to New York again in the coming year.

My final goal for 2014 was to continue blogging. While some days are tough to come up with a topic to write about, I have maintained posting a new post Monday-Friday every week of this year. That’s a lot of posts!

All in all, even though I didn’t complete all of my goals, I think that I did a great job in trying to do them all. I’ll post my goals for 2015 tomorrow.

I hope that you all have an amazing New Year’s Eve tonight! If you chose to drink, please don’t drive. Take a taxi/Uber/Lyft to get home. Or you can call AAA for a Tipsy Tow.

Getting “Wicked” (or Santa, A Sunset, And A Perfect Show)

This past Sunday was the next show in my season at The Pantages. I was finally seeing “Wicked”!

“Wicked” had been in LA several times before, and sometimes for very long runs. I always wanted to go and see it, but there was always an issue. Tickets were pretty expensive so I wanted to enter the ticket lottery. But there never seemed to be a good day to do it. And when my sister-in-law and I went to NYC, I already knew that “Wicked” was part of my Pantages season so we didn’t see it there.

The group of us going to the show decided to go early to meet up for dinner first. On my drive, there was a ton of traffic. I couldn’t figure out why until I pulled up next to this vehicle.

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Santa and one of his elves were riding on the back of a truck blasting Christmas music! It was pretty crazy to see but made my drive entertaining.

I got to dinner a bit early so I hung out outside the restaurant waiting for the rest of the group to arrive. While waiting, we had another epic LA sunset.

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When we finally went inside to eat, I ran into someone who grew up down the street from me! I hadn’t seen her since I moved to LA and while we each knew the other lived in LA, we hadn’t seen each other. It was so crazy to see her and great to catch up!

After our quick dinner, my group walked over to The Pantages for our show. I’m loving having season tickets since our seats are in the same place for every show.

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We are pretty close to the stage and even though we are off to the side we don’t miss too much of what is on stage.

I know the story of “Wicked” and I’ve heard most if not all of the songs in the show. But even knowing as much as I did I was super impressed by it! The actors were all so amazing and the show was really really good! I’m even considering trying to go see the show another time while they are still in LA (they are here for a couple of months) if someone wants to go with me..

After the show when I got home, I went through my Kindle and found my e-book of Wicked. I bought it a while ago but never felt motivated to read it. But now that’s I’ve seen the show, I want to read the book that the show is based on.

I’m so happy that I’ve seen “Wicked” now. And it’s probably better that it took me this long to see it. If I had seen it before, I probably would have gone to see it at least once every time it was in town. That’s a lot of money on tickets or a lot of lottery attempts.

Since “Wicked” has a longer LA run, my next show at The Pantages isn’t until April. That’s a while to wait for another musical but I’m super excited for the next few shows in the season!

Podcasts and Twitter (or An Evening Out With Some Actors)

Monday evening was a pretty fun evening for me. I had done my workout in the morning so I would be free for the festivities.

First, there was a gathering for fans of the podcast that I work for. Also, some of us on the team of the podcast attended. It was a casual get-together at Chipotle. I got there a bit early and met up with the community manager and one of the hosts of the podcast.

It was a nice catch-up for us and I’m always happy to go out and get some Chipotle. Soon, some of our listeners showed up to hang out with us and meet the team in person.

I love getting to meet new people who are as motivated as I am to work in the entertainment industry. There are so many people out there who aren’t working hard for themselves and are waiting for their agents and managers to do everything for them. I’m not like that and it’s so great to find others like me.

After dinner at Chipotle, we walked a few blocks down the street to where the LA Actors Tweetup was happening. On the way, we passed a step and repeat for some event that Netflix was doing. There wasn’t anyone there, so we took the opportunity to take a photo or two.

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We got to the Tweetup just as it was starting. I hadn’t been to a Tweetup in a while. They are either on nights that I have other things to do or I’ve been out-of-town. But since we were doing the podcast hangout before the Tweetup, I made sure to clear my schedule.

I got to see some friends who I hadn’t seen in a while and meet a bunch of cool new people. But around 9pm, I was exhausted. I had gotten up at 6am and I didn’t know it at the time but I was getting sick (as soon as I got home that evening my nose was completely stuffed up). So I made my rounds of goodbyes, which always takes forever, and headed back home.

It’s always so great to meet people who support the same things that you do or support the projects that you are a part of. I really should make more of an effort to attend more Tweetups and similar events. For a while, I didn’t want to change up my workout schedule because I was scared that it would be a sign that I would stop going. But now I’m feeling more comfortable shifting my workouts as long as I’m still getting my 3-4 workouts in during the week.

Again, this is all a great sign that I’m transforming into a better person.

“Into The Woods” (or Christmas Came Early For Me This Year)

On Monday evening, I got an email from Women In Film letting me know that people who are a part of the mentoring circles have been invited to an advanced screening of “Into The Woods”.

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“Into The Woods” is one of my favorite musicals. I saw it for the first time at a small production in Santa Barbara and have owned a DVD of the musical for a long time (and watch it pretty frequently).

When I first heard that the musical was being turned into a film, I was pretty nervous. Historically, the movies haven’t been my favorites and they seem to miss a lot of what I feel makes the musicals special. But even though I was scared I would hate the movie, it was one that I had been looking forward to seeing. And since it was opening on Christmas, my plan was to see it that morning.

But when I got the invitation to see it this week, I jumped at the chance. I emailed my RSVP quickly and hoped that I would get it. And wouldn’t you know it, I did!

The screening was held at CAA. If you aren’t in the entertainment industry, you might not know about CAA. They are the biggest agency in town representing the biggest and most famous actors out there. Pretty much, they are the top of the top of the agency game.

The invitation said that there was valet parking provided (since there really isn’t any street parking near CAA), and since it was raining I tried to get there early. But even with being there on the very early side, the line to valet park was a little crazy.

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Once I got out of my car, there was almost no line to check in. I grabbed a program and followed a CAA employee to the front desk to have my parking validated. Then she led me and 2 other ladies into the screening room.

She told us that we could sit anywhere that it said reserved, and I chose to stick with the 2 ladies who walked in with me. The 3 of us found seats pretty much in the exact center of the room.

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The screening room was amazing and very nice! I had previously seen the screening room at UTA (another agency) when I had one of my mentoring meetings. But this might have been a little nicer.

I started to talk with the ladies I sat next to and found out that one of them is a member of the Academy (as in the Academy Awards). This screening was an Academy screening so the members could view the film and decide if they would like to nominate it for any Oscars!

I believe a majority of the audience was Academy members and I felt very lucky and honored to be invited to such a cool event.

Jane Lynch (from “Glee”) was one of the people responsible for the screening, so prior to the movie starting she said a few words about how much she was looking forward to the movie.

Then, it was time for the movie to start.

For those of you who know the musical, you will not be disappointed. It stays very true to the original material and in some cases, I think the format of it being in a movie actually improves it. I was smiling pretty much the entire time that I was watching it. The performances were incredible and I think that the costumes and makeup were impeccable. I would be shocked if this didn’t get a ton of nominations for various awards.

The highlight of the movie for me was the song “Agony”. I think this is the funniest I’ve ever seen it done. And Chris Pine did a great job singing (I didn’t realize he was a singer).

Overall, this was so much fun to watch and I highly recommend it for everyone! I can’t wait until it comes out (or I get a screener for it) so I can watch it over and over again!

After the screening, there was a reception upstairs. I followed my seat mates (and new friends) to check out the reception (I wasn’t planning on staying, but how many times will I get this chance?).

The reception was held on the top floor of the building, and I just couldn’t get over how beautiful the building was!

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I didn’t eat or drink anything at the reception (the lines were long), but I got to chat with some very nice people and even had the chance to thank Jane Lynch for putting on this event. She was very gracious and when I was saying goodbye I said my usual thing I say to industry people (pretty much along the lines of “I’m sure we will see each other again in the future”) and she said something that rally made my day. She said that she was sure that we would see each other again because our careers are following the same path. That meant so much to me.

I left the reception on cloud 9 after that!

Sometimes, I really have to stop and pinch myself because I never could have imagined that this would be my life. I have so many amazing opportunities and I really do see my career taking steps forward. If I couldn’t imagine this a few years ago, I can’t wait to see what my life will have in store for me in the next few years!

Sunsets and Songs (or Why Season Tickets To The Pantages Was The Best Decision Ever)

I know I said yesterday that I rarely go out, but of course last weekend was full of fun adventures. I had Rayshell’s party on Saturday and another show at the Pantages on Sunday!

I know it seems like all these shows are back to back. They are bunched up right now (I have my next show in a month), but then there is a few months between the next show and the show after it.

One of the members of the group who goes to these shows couldn’t attend this time (she exchanged her tickets for another date so she would see the show on her own). She is the one who goes with me on the light rail and subway, and I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to go by myself. I’m fine riding them when it’s light out, but it’s a little scary at night.

So I decided to drive and hope that I could find parking near the theater and not too expensive. On my drive, I saw the most amazing sunset. I couldn’t get a great photo since it was behind me, but I did the best I could by shooting a picture in my side mirror.

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The show this time was Kinky Boots. It was one of the shows that I was thinking about seeing when I went to NYC this year, but since it was in my series here I decided that I didn’t need to see it in New York and in LA in the same year.

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I knew a little bit about the show before seeing it. I knew the basics of the plot and some of the songs since I had seen their performance on the Tonys. But I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I did.

I guessed it would be pretty silly. And there were some really great and silly moments. But some of the serious moments are the ones that stuck with me the most. In a time where there is so much turmoil in the country and the world, the message about just accepting others for who they are means so much.

After the show, I headed back to my car for the drive back and had some time to reflect on all the shows that I’ve gotten to see so far.

When I purchased my season tickets for the Pantages, it was during a time that I was making steady (and decent) money. Right after I purchased them, I was struggling with paying my bills. I knew I couldn’t go back on purchasing the tickets, but I seriously questioned if I had made the right decision to spend my money on them.

This was seriously such a great decision for me to make. I’ve always loved musicals and have wanted to see them at the Pantages. But single tickets are not cheap and I had trouble finding people who wanted to go with me. Now, not only are the tickets about half of what I would have paid to buy them as single tickets, I have new friends who enjoy musicals as much as I do!

I’m not quite half way through the season, but I’m already anticipating the announcement of the next season. If it’s anything like this year, I’m going to find a way to get the money together to buy the season tickets again! Seeing so many musicals in one year (both with my season tickets and with my trip to NYC) has revitalized my love for musicals and made me realize what I’ve been missing in my life for far too long.

Getting Ready To Get Mentored Again (or A Evening With WIF)

When I did the WIF Mentoring Circle the first time, I was so excited to have a bunch of meetings with other motivated women for a year. At first it seemed great, but after the first meeting, pretty much only 2 other mentees came to meetings. And while the agreement was to have 6 meetings within a 12 month period, my group only had 4 meetings in 18 months.

It wasn’t a total loss. The other 2 mentees who came to the meetings were awesome and I learned a lot from them. I wasn’t supposed to be allowed to apply for another mentoring circle until my group completed all 6 meetings, but since it was announced that that would not be happening, I applied for the Winter circles.

In my application, I said how I could see how amazing the mentoring circles could be, and sadly that wasn’t my experience with my group. I was so excited that I was accepted again, and there was a mixer this week to meet some of the other women who would be in the program this time.

The event was a pretty casual evening. There were food and drinks (I ate before I went so I can’t tell you if the food was awesome but I’m assuming it was) and most of the evening was unstructured so we could just chat with some other woman at the event.

I was at a table that happened to be full of non-actors (a rarity and a nice treat!). We were all chatting and I don’t quite remember how the conversation got started, but I started chatting with the woman sitting next to me about the podcast Serial (which we are both obsessed with!). It turns out this woman (who I didn’t ask permission to name on my blog so I won’t right now) got a fellowship for WIF through UCLA where she is in the screenwriting program. That’s pretty awesome!

After about an hour at the event, the women who run the mentoring circles spoke and explained that we will know who our mentors and fellow mentees are by the end of the year. They haven’t put the groups together yet, so if there are people who we want to have in our circles we can request them (but no guarantees).

After the speech, I got up and spoke to the woman in charge. I just wanted to thank her again for accepting me into the program for the second time. And I wanted to make sure that I would have different mentors this year. I loved my mentors, but I think part of doing this experience again is to meet more people and expand my networking circles. She said that they would do their best not to put me with the same mentors again, and if for some reason it wasn’t like that, I can let them know.

After that, I decided to head home so I could get some work done before having to work the next morning.

Overall, it was a super successful kick off to the next mentoring circle. I’m so excited to see who’s in my group and who my new mentors will be. I can’t wait to find out what everyone’s specialty is and what jobs my mentors have. But I’ll have to wait a bit to find that out.

 

“The Theory Of Everything” (or The Fanciest Movie Theater I’ve Ever Been To)

Last week was full of movie screenings! First I saw “What The F@#- Is Cancer And Why Does Everyone Have It?”. Then I got invited to check out “The Theory Of Everything” in an advanced screening!

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“The Theory Of Everything” is the story of Stephen Hawking and his wife Jane. The movie was based on a book that Jane wrote about their relationship. I was super excited to see it, and I invited my friend Robert to be my plus one.

The screening was put on by Women In Film and held at iPic Theaters in Westwood. I knew that it was a fancy movie theater, but I had no idea how luxurious it would be!

I’ve been to some fancy movie theaters before, and I’m well aware that I am spoiled by that. But seriously, this was more than I could image! When Robert and I walked in, we realized that basically every seat in the theater was a leather recliner.

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We got there pretty early, so we were able to get 2 recliners pretty much right in the middle of the seating area. A few minutes after we sat down, a waitress came over to us. She explained that Women In Film was treating us to 2 drinks and whatever food we would like to order (up to a certain amount).

I was totally not expecting that!

So Robert and I checked out the menu on the iPad that was at the little table between our seats.

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I got a water (since I didn’t feel like having a cocktail in the middle of the afternoon) and some truffle fries. But there were so many food options available including entrees. I have no idea what the fries normally cost, but I’m sure they weren’t cheap. While we waited for the movie to start, we googled the theater and realized that the seats we were in usually cost $25 each for movie! Definitely not something that I could afford normally.

The movie started and soon after our food was served. And after that, complimentary popcorn was served too (I turned that down since I was happy with my truffle fries). We were definitely treated well at the theater! And I thought having waiters going around the theater during the movie would be distracting, but it really wasn’t. The way that the seating is arranged, the waiters are never really blocking the screen as they help other patrons.

And the movie was incredible! I didn’t know that much about Stephen Hawking before seeing the movie. Just some of the basics like he has a disease similar to ALS and that he is a scientist, mathematician, and a writer. But this movie covered his life pretty much from college until about his later 40’s. And his wife Jane was pretty amazing too! I actually downloaded the book that this movie was based on onto my Kindle as soon as I got home.

I have no doubts that this movie will be getting a lot of awards during awards season. I think it could totally win Best Picture at the Oscars. The performances were so amazing that at times I forgot that I was watching an actor play Stephen Hawking and not the man himself. It’s just so mind-blowing!

After the movie, Robert and I were in agreement that this was one of the most amazing movies that either of us has seen in a while, and easily the best movie of the year! The movie officially comes out in a week and I highly encourage you all to go see this movie!

General Meeting (or Hanging Out With A Casting Director For Free)

This week, I had a general meeting with a casting director.

For those of you who aren’t actors, a general meeting is when a casting director takes some time to meet with you even though they might not be casting something in particular then. They get to know you a little and sometimes you read a scene from an old script.

While this sounds like a great concept and it used to happen more often, sadly this is a rarity for actors to find these days. More often you will have to pay to meet a casting director.

Paying to meet a casting director is technically illegal, but they still happen. They are called workshops and companies promote them by saying that this particular casting director is coming in because they have to cast a certain role.

And to meet them, you have to pay a fee (and in turn the casting director who attends gets paid to be there).

I’ve always found this to be a bit sketchy. If the casting director’s job is to find talent to fill a role, why do we have to pay to be considered? And being at a workshop is not an audition for a particular role. It’s more like an audition to get an audition.

For non-acting jobs, it would be like paying to apply for a job posting that you found. Not paying a monthly (or yearly) fee for a site and you can apply to all the jobs you want. But paying $20-80 (that’s typically what it costs for each workshop) for each resume you send out.

That’s why I find it a little ridiculous. If you disagree with me, I first ask you to check out these two webpages. And if you still disagree with me, that is your opinion and I’m not going to stop anyone from spending their money how they want to spend it. I just want to speak out for anyone who is on the fence if they should be spending their money on workshops.

Those two webpages have information from Billy DaMota. He is the biggest anti-workshop advocate in my opinion and he is always happy to tell actors about free workshops around town (sadly there are very few). He seems to be looking out for actors as much as he can.

And Billy DaMota was the casting director who did the general with me this week. He took me out to lunch (he paid but because I was going to workout right after I only had a juice) and we had a nice chat. We discussed my background and a recent audition that I did for a project that he cast. We also discussed the podcast I work for (he was a guest on it in the past) and some guests that he has in mind for us.

While I didn’t audition for him for any parts, to me this industry is about building real relationships with people. I know that if Billy sees that my agents have submitted me for a part that he agrees I’m right for, he will bring me in. He wants to see me succeed as an actor.

And while I have plenty of friends who do workshops and have said that that is the reason that they booked a particular role, for me that is not a priority for spending my money. I need to focus on paying down my debt (it’s still not as low as I’d like it to be but it’s moving in the right direction) and getting into another acting class. And while there are many casting directors who claim that they will not bring you in unless you are well-known or attend one of their workshops (I’ve had 3 casting directors tell me this in the past year), I have actually gone into all of their offices without ever having to spend a cent. While technically I have not booked anything, attending a workshop doesn’t guarantee a booking either.

Basically what I want you all to know after reading this post today is if you are an actor, you don’t have to spend money to meet casting directors if you don’t want to. And if you need any advice from a casting director, I highly recommend contacting Billy DaMota and asking him. He’s more than happy to answer questions.

At least reasonable questions. Don’t ask him if he can cast you in something. 😉

Happy Hour and Happiness (or I’m On Another Blog Now)

After working my at-home job yesterday, I headed over to the valley to meet my friend Rayshell for Happy Hour. I hadn’t seen Rayshell since my birthday party and we both had a lot of catching up to do.

It was a super fun happy hour. We were able to get drinks and food for $5 each. And of course, I had a Dirty Shirley.

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Sometimes the stress of working and trying to find more work makes me forget to go out and have fun with my friends. And this was the perfect chance to have a relaxing Happy Hour with an awesome friend.

We were catching up on my new job and Rayshell’s current job when my phone alerted me that someone @replied me on twitter. I glanced at my phone and saw that casting director Marci Liroff had included me in a tweet.

A little backstory.

Last month, Marci sent me an email asking about my tips and tricks for preparing for the fall tv season. I was more than happy to share my advice as well and send her the links to all the posts that I’ve written about the subject.

Marci thanked me and told me that she was working on an article for Backstage on the topic and asked what she could share of my advice. I told her that she could share everything that she wanted to. I feel like sharing my knowledge won’t hurt my career, so why not?

The article hadn’t gone up by the time the fall tv season started, so I thought maybe she changed her mind on the article. But at Happy Hour yesterday, that tweet was Marci sharing that the article had gone live and that it included advice (or as she put it “golden nuggets”) from me!

Of course, as soon as I saw that, I had to look at the article on my phone (Rayshell wanted to see it to).

And it’s awesome.

A lot of my advice in the article is stuff that I’ve shared on here before. But by having it in Backstage, the advice is reaching much bigger audience than I get here.

I was so excited to be a part of this article and honored and a little surprised that I was the only actor who Marci used for advice. I really feel like this means that I am doing the right things when it comes to research. And all this research will eventually lead to a great acting job for me.

I just have to be patient and be grateful that my advice is respected in this industry.

Feeling Like Normal In More Ways Than One (or Getting Better)

I’m finally starting to feel better after my throat ulcer issue. I’m still having pain while drinking water and breathing heavily while working out, but the pain is not nearly as severe as it was when I went to urgent care. The doctor there told me to give it 2 weeks to get better and I’m just past the 1 week mark. Hopefully by the end of the weekend the pain won’t be noticeable anymore.

I’m still trying to take it easy while working out. My ear issues have not gone away as quickly as the throat issues. My dad suggested that I take some decongestants to make the fluid in my ear get absorbed. I haven’t tried that yet, but I think I’m going to start. I’m still getting dizzy a lot during the day (and especially during workouts where you go from sitting or laying down to standing a lot). As long as I’m sitting, the dizziness isn’t happening. So at least I’m able to drive and work without feeling like I’m going to fall over.

And speaking of work, that’s getting better too! I’m finally getting used to my schedule for the national box office job from home. There’s a lot of down time at that job (hence the low pay), so I’m trying to find the best use of my down time. I have done some survey coding between calls and online chats for the box office job, but there haven’t been a ton of surveys to work on lately (that should change soon).

I’m also looking into some other freelance type work that I can do from home between my work for the box office. I know that I can write and blog. I just need to find some gigs that pay for me to do that! If you know of any, please feel free to let me know in the comments.

I haven’t gone back to substitute teaching yet, but that’s mainly because all of my Mondays lately have been very busy. And since I can only work on Mondays, when that day is filled up, there’s no other option for me that week. But I’m checking for work each week and hopefully soon there will be a job for me to work.

And I emailed my old box office job. They claimed that they wanted me to come back in September when the shows were starting again. I’m a little concerned that they have decided that I’m not necessary since they haven’t had me work for a while now. But I did send them an email saying that I wanted to get back to work now that the shows are coming back as well. I haven’t heard back yet, so until I do I won’t know if they are going to keep their word about me coming back this fall.

I know I say this all the time with day jobs, but it’s feeling more and more normal now. I’m used to my schedule and I’ve created routines for myself each day that fit into the new schedule better.

If only I was making enough at one day job things would be perfect. But the struggle is worth it for me. And I know that I will find a way to fit in all the jobs that are necessary for me to support myself somehow.