I feel like every post recently has been something negative. I don’t like that at all. I know it’s being truthful and honest and I don’t hide how I feel, but I also don’t feel like all the negativity is really accurate with how my life is going. The things I’m going through sound a lot worse than they are. I know a lot of people in my life feel bad for me when I’m going through pain and nausea. And I do appreciate that my friends know that it can be really bad and don’t try to downplay what I go through. But at the same time, this is something I go through every month so I can usually tolerate it. Or if I can’t tolerate it, I have things I can do that help. It might mean I don’t do much with my time outside of obligations, but I know I will always get through the pain and nausea eventually.
I can’t necessarily control when I’ll be feeling this way, but I have a general idea of when it will happen and how long it will last. Sometimes I’ll be surprised and things start sooner or later than normal or the duration is different from normal. And it’s always a variable about how severe things can be on a particular day. But I’m grateful that at least I can plan a bit for when this will be happening. But between feeling sick and the other not-so-great things going on in my life, I’m really focusing on what I can control at this point.
I’ve been really trying to focus on making sure I take care of myself in whatever ways I can. I’m still not great about getting enough sleep, but I’m making more effort to work on this. I’m making sure I go to bed at the time I should, I just don’t always fall asleep quickly enough. And sometimes, if I’m reading in bed and almost to the end of a book, I’ll stay up later than I should so I can finish the book before going to sleep. I’m trying to be good about what I eat as well, but that’s a harder struggle than most things. But I’m still trying and making an effort to be thoughtful about my meal planning (even if that means my plan is to order food). I’m also making sure that I pick things that I know my body tolerates better than others because I know some food might make me feel worse. This is a bit of trial and error because the new medication has made me have different reactions to different foods, so I don’t always know if something will be ok or not. But I have to keep trying so I don’t get into a bad food rut. And when I do eat something that makes me feel a bit sick, I don’t get mad at myself because I know I didn’t know that would happen.
And I’m allowing myself to practice self-care in whatever way feels right. Sometimes that means spending my free time reading or watching tv and not doing much else. Sometimes that means trying to find a friend to talk to in order to get some feelings out there in the open. And sometimes that’s doing stuff that others might see as frivolous but I don’t really care because they are things I like or that make me happy.
I can’t exactly predict when I will be feeling better or at least more like myself. I have an idea of when the pain and nausea will end, but that’s not the only thing controlling my mood these days. But all I can do is make the most of what I can each day and continue to hope for the best. I know this feeling is temporary and soon I will be much happier and more excited about things. But for now, I’m just going through a moment of a low and I have to allow myself to work through this time.
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Feeling Normal and Less Anxious (or Sorry I Keep Writing About The Same Thing)
A Low Key Post (or I Guess Things Come In Threes)
