Tag Archives: positivity

A Social Media Monthly Challenge (or Wanting To Put Some Positivity Into The World)

Posted on February 1, 2019 | Comments Off on A Social Media Monthly Challenge (or Wanting To Put Some Positivity Into The World)

My monthly challenges are typically things that I do to better myself or improve my life in some way. I see them as a way to grow and to challenge myself with something that I might have been scared to do before. Doing something for a month isn’t a huge time commitment and I’ve almost always been pleasantly surprised that I end up wanting those challenges to be a part of my every day life moving forward.

Last month’s challenge was one that I set to work on bettering myself. I did a little bit of online learning every day. I had such high hopes for this challenge and what good things I would be able to add to my skill set. But I think my expectations were a bit too high. While I did enjoy doing the online classes, it felt more like I was sampling the classes and seeing what the subject was about instead of learning. I think maybe my expectations were high because I have done online classes at community colleges before when I just wanted to learn a subject (it’s a pretty cheap thing to do). And these online classes I found for free weren’t the same.

I also might have been doing more sampling of different subjects instead of just focusing hard on one thing. Maybe if I was focused on learning everything that I could about one thing, I would have felt differently. I’m not upset or disappointed about the challenge I did in January, I just had a different end result from what I thought I’d have. But I am grateful that I found so many amazing free online education services because I am going to continue to take advantage of them. I don’t know if it will be a daily thing, but it will be something I turn to when I need to learn more about a subject or want to add a skill set. I might have to build upon the free classes with something I pay for, but it will at least be a start.

But for February, I’m going to make the challenge a bit more than just something  for me. While this will benefit me, it will hopefully also benefit other people as well.

I’m a fairly active user of social media. While I don’t always post things to make my life look amazing, I do keep a lot of it positive. Mainly, I think I keep things positive on Instagram and Facebook. I know that I post real and tough things on there too, but it’s easily a mix of good and bad. But on Twitter, I’ve noticed that I have posted more negative or serious things.

I’m sure that’s happening because it’s very easy to share someone else’s post on Twitter. I can retweet from so many different sources with a simple click and I do follow a lot of more serious accounts. And I feel like the serious things that I’m sharing are important things like political issues that I’m passionate about. If I see a problem or misleading information that can harm others, I make sure I express my opinion. Social media is designed to do just that.

But because I share so much serious stuff like politics or news, I feel like I don’t balance it out with more positive things. I do share good things from time to time when I do my daily tweets about my union, but I don’t do a lot of random happiness or silly posts. And when I do post them, like this tweet about my grandma and my aunt and uncle’s new puppy, I always feel good for putting something out there that can make someone smile.

I’ve also done text messages to friends who I know are going through a tough time with silly photos or videos saying that they are to be used when they need a cuteness break. And realizing how happy doing those texts make me has inspired my challenge for this month (and hopefully beyond since I think this is one that I will keep up).

I want to share something on Twitter every day that is just to share positivity or to make someone smile. It might be something I created myself or a photo I took and it might be just me retweeting something that makes me happy from another account. There are a bunch of accounts I can follow that post only things like that and I’m going to use those as a resource to retweet when I don’t have something of my own to share.

While this might not balance out all the serious things I post, it will help. And you never know when someone scrolling through your feed is needing that random smile. Posting something every day is a pretty simple effort but it can have a big impact if it gets to the right person at the right time. And there is a good chance that I will be the person that needs the mood boost from time to time and sharing something online will be benefitting me more than anyone else.

This should be a pretty easy challenge for me to do because I can create a list of good accounts to retweet from as well as set a reminder for myself to post something. I’ve gotten so used to doing my daily union tweets so this will be adding on to that habit.

But just because it’s easy it doesn’t mean that it won’t affect me. I’m excited to know that I’ll be putting more good and positivity into the world every day and I can’t wait to see how much happier I will be by the end of the month!

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailAlmost Through A Year Of Monthly Challenges (or Picking A Good Challenge For November) Default ThumbnailDecember Monthly Challenge (or Wrapping Up For The Year) Default ThumbnailMy First Challenge Of 2019 (or Planning And Education) Default ThumbnailGetting Mentored (or Wanting to Have Positivity Around Me) Default ThumbnailFailing And Succeeding In One Monthly Challenge (or Another Repeat Challenge This Month) Default ThumbnailMonthly Challenge Check-In (or Doing My Own Version Of An OTF Challenge This Month)

Comments Off on A Social Media Monthly Challenge (or Wanting To Put Some Positivity Into The World)

Posted in Fun Stuff

Tagged , , , ,

Just A Day Can Turn Things Around (or Things Are Getting Better)

Posted on July 27, 2018 | Comments Off on Just A Day Can Turn Things Around (or Things Are Getting Better)

First of all, thank you to those of you who reached out to me after reading my post yesterday. Like I said in the post, I have had a rough month and it was getting tough but I was ok. I knew things would turn around eventually and being honest and open that life isn’t always amazing is something I strive to do. Normalizing shifts in moods helps others understand that they don’t always have to be perfect or happy. But I still appreciated those of you who checked in with me to make sure I was ok and to see if I needed anything.

Just getting that response really did help me feel better. While I know that I have people in my life who love me and care about me, sometimes when you are in those negative places you can think otherwise or that they are only superficial friends. It doesn’t help that I also had someone in my life who liked to tell me when I was growing up that nobody loved me and that anyone who claims to care about me was lying or only after something. But seeing messages from friends reminded me that I am important to people and that they do care about my well-being.

Many times when I write posts on here that are a bit more negative they are very cathartic and therapeutic for me. I need to get whatever is bothering me off my chest and the easiest way for me to do that is to write about it on here. There are times where those negative things are occupying my thoughts so much that it’s the only thing I can write about. But even when I don’t like writing about it because I like to keep this blog fun, I know they are important posts to write. And it’s always a relief when I finish the post and get it out into the world because in a way it allows me to move it out of my thoughts.

After I wrote that post, things finally started to get better and I was getting out of the funk I was in. It wasn’t just getting the post out and the outreach from my friends that turned it around, but that was a big part of it too. I forgot to mention in my post that I was also stressed due to some job things. One of my day jobs is a contract job and it was up in the air if I would be getting another contract when my current one ends this fall. Even though that isn’t my main day job, I depend on that money. And to think that I might be out of that paycheck soon was terrifying and I had been putting off looking for a new job. But I found out that it is looking good that I will be getting another contract. It may still be at the reduced hours I’m currently working at, but that’s better than nothing.

I also was doing some planning with my blog posts coming up in my editorial calendar and noticed that I do have a lot of fun things coming up in the next month or so. Even though some of them aren’t right away and I know there will be some down time between all the fun stuff, just reminding myself that I have them coming up helped to improve my mood. It’s funny how just the reminder of good things happening soon can make me feel that much better. I don’t usually review my calendar that often or look too far ahead, but maybe I should be doing that every so often.

I know that getting over this funk doesn’t mean that it won’t be happening again soon for me. I’m hyperaware of my moods and feelings and try to make sure I take care of myself before it gets too bad. This time I did procrastinate on taking care of myself which is why I think it got to me as much as it did. But I was able to use the tools I have and depend on my amazing friends to help me when it just felt really bad.

You Might Also Like

Default Thumbnail1500 Posts (or This Really Is Just A Part Of My Life) Default ThumbnailGoing Out Because I Blog (or What Came First?) Default ThumbnailMissed Milestone (or 1,009 Posts!) Default ThumbnailWorking On Self Care (or Going Back To My Checklist) Default ThumbnailTrying To Get Past A Rough Patch (or I Know This Funk Is Temporary) Default ThumbnailThis Month Hasn’t Quite Gone The Way I Thought It Would (or Just Being Honest)

Comments Off on Just A Day Can Turn Things Around (or Things Are Getting Better)

Posted in Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

Tagged , , ,

Continuing To Work On Myself (or More Reflective Challenges)

Posted on June 1, 2018 | 2 comments

I have to admit that the beginning of a month is pretty exciting for me. I used to hate it because that is when so many of my bills are due (and then my bank accounts look so low), but now I look forward to it because of my monthly challenges! It has been tough to pick challenges sometimes, but I do enjoy them and I feel like they have made me a much better person since I started doing them.

Last month my challenge was to do daily intentions/affirmations. I wasn’t exactly sure what to call them when I started the challenge and I still don’t know exactly what to call them now. But every morning I would write something down to set the tone for the day. Sometimes it was a reminder that I was going to get through something tough. Sometimes it was just saying that I will get over my cold soon. And there were other times where it was just a reminder that it was ok to feel what I was feeling or it was ok to do nothing.

Almost every single morning I remembered to write something down either before work or before my workout. There were only a few days that I forgot but it was always done within the first few hours of my day. And it really did help put me into a better mindset with a goal in mind. It was something to focus on from the start of my day as opposed to my gratitude list which is a reflection of how my day went. And it really was a positive change in my month even with how tough things were for me.

And considering how tough the last month was for me both mentally and physically, I’ve decided that my challenge for June is to work on getting back to my normal self. I’ve already started to work on this, but I really want to have a month of refocusing and reconnecting. I still feel a bit out of sorts with a few things and I want to take the time to work on fixing them. I just want to get into a better and more positive mindset and the best way to do that is to work on me.

I know this is another abstract challenge to have, but I think that because I’ve felt disconnected that it’s exactly what I need. I need to just have a month to work on figuring out what I want and what I need. It’s not something that is really measurable but it’s exactly what I need to do right now. I’ve been knocked down a bit lately and my self-esteem took a hit. I want to work on fixing that and seeing what things I can do to make sure that it doesn’t happen again or if it does I can come back quickly from it.

But I’ve got a big list of things that I want to work on that are a bit more concrete. I need to work on food and meal planning (even if I’m not eating breakfast). I want to do more cooking and that fits into the meal planning too. I have worked on cleaning my house but it’s also led me to realize how much more cleaning I need to do. I want to do an inventory of the clothes that I have right now. I totally forgot about a pair of yoga pants that I got last year and almost ordered another pair thinking I didn’t have one already. I don’t want to make that mistake even though I could always return clothes (I just know myself enough to know that I probably won’t). And there are some projects in my house that I’ve been meaning to do that I just need to get done.

All of my monthly challenges have been things to make me a better person, but I think this one is the most personal one I’ve done so far. It’s also the first one where I don’t necessarily have action steps for everything I want to do. I have my list of things that are more concrete, but for the mental things I really don’t know what I will do or what it will take to get me back to being me. But I am excited to see what happens and what new things about myself I learn as I work on this. I know that whatever ends up happening that it will be a positive change for me and that when I’m writing about this again in a month I will have only good things to share.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailRecapping A Few Challenges From Last Month (or Getting Ready Stop Going Easy On Myself) Default ThumbnailAlmost Through A Year Of Monthly Challenges (or Picking A Good Challenge For November) Default ThumbnailAnother Attempt At Mindfulness (or I Think I Need To Work On This Until I Figure It Out) Default ThumbnailMy First 2017 Monthly Challenge (or Working On My Tumors) Default ThumbnailStruggling To Figure Out Challenges Right Now (or I’m Just Going To Try To Stay Hopeful) Default ThumbnailBuilding Upon My Monthly Challenge (or Continuing To Work On Shopping)

2 Comments

Posted in Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

Tagged , , ,

Trying To Get Past A Rough Patch (or I Know This Funk Is Temporary)

Posted on May 4, 2018 | Comments Off on Trying To Get Past A Rough Patch (or I Know This Funk Is Temporary)

Between some not fun health issues and some not fun dating issues, I haven’t been in the best mindset lately. I’ve been trying to stay positive and believe that things are going to be ok, but I think sometimes you just have to allow yourself to be in a bad mood to help get past it. I don’t love being in a mood like this and I would prefer to be in a “fake it until you make it” mindset and try to believe that things are good, but it’s just not working for me right now.

Usually I’m able to focus on something positive that’s happening in my life but this time it seems like when I try to do that something negative happens there. I was trying to focus on how I’m lucky to have my jobs and I’m doing the social media management job that helps me make up some of the money I’m not getting with the reduced hours with one of my other jobs. But then there was a major site-wide issue with one of my jobs that had us dealing with endless customer issues (and nothing we could tell them to fix it since we were waiting on someone higher up to fix the website). And I found out this week that my social media management job ended this week. I knew the original contract I did with them was for only a month, but I was hopeful it would go on longer. But I understand why it ended and I’m trying to be hopeful that they will bring me back on when they try to do it again.

It’s weird to allow yourself to be in a dark place. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed or anything, but for sure I’m in a darker mood than my normal mood. And just to make myself clear, I’m not in any risk of harming myself or doing anything like that. I know that for some people being in a dark place makes it risky for them to be alone. I’m not thinking of hurting myself. I’m more in a mood where I’m just mad at the world and really wish I could punch something and not hurt myself. I’ve tried punching pillows or other soft things, but it’s not the same and I’m not risking breaking my hand to punch a wall.

I’ve been feeling this cycle of darkness coming for a little while and I think I just hit my breaking point with it yesterday. In some way, allowing myself to wallow in self-pity is making things better. I’m acknowledging the feelings I’ve got and I’m hoping that just letting it happen will make it go by faster. But I’m also aware that this might take a few days to get through. I know I will get through it, but sometimes in the middle of it you feel like it will be endless. But if I’m being honest with myself, I only started allowing myself to feel this way yesterday (and I felt it coming on for 2-3 days before that), so it hasn’t been forever. And even writing this all out is a bit therapeutic for me and the desire to punch a wall isn’t as strong as it was a few minutes ago.

I know that I’m lucky that I am mentally healthy enough that I am able to get through these temporary funks. I know that if I wasn’t in as good of a mindset, this could kick off something worse or lasting a long time. But I know that it will be over soon and I will be looking back at this time as a temporary blip in what is usually a pretty awesome life. And I know I have a pretty awesome life (I just realized that between this year and next I’m scheduled to go to 16 musicals!). And before I know it, I’ll be back to normal and can focus on the positive things again and let the little negative things roll off my back.

But for now, I’m letting the funk take over a bit and am enjoying spending time on my couch watching Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and HBO Go to help distract me from what is bugging me.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailToo Many Complaints (or Trying To Get Back To Being Positive) Default ThumbnailHalf Birthday (or Reflecting On The Past 6 Months) Default ThumbnailFeeling Secure (or Not Letting Past Jobs Make Me Feel Bad Anymore) Default ThumbnailGetting Out Of A Funk (or Focusing On Happiness) Default ThumbnailGetting Out Of A Funk (or A Phone Call Can Change My Mood) Default ThumbnailBusting Out Of A Funk (or Controlling My Happiness)

Comments Off on Trying To Get Past A Rough Patch (or I Know This Funk Is Temporary)

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged , , ,

Mileage And Motivation (or Another New Challenge)

Posted on May 1, 2018 | 1 comment

Yet again, the beginning of a month bring the end of one monthly challenge and the beginning of another. I have struggled in the past with coming up with some ideas for these challenges, but fortunately I found a good list online that I’ve been using for some inspiration, So hopefully my challenges keep being interesting (at least to me).

In April, my monthly challenge was doing a version of what Orangetheory was doing as a challenge. Orangetheory was doing a marathon challenge where they had different distances for what you should strive for based on if you are a power walker, running, biker, or strider. I knew I couldn’t really do the challenge officially since I would be using both the treadmill and bike, but I decided to track my mileage on my own.

For some classes, it was super easy to track. If we were on the treadmill (or bike) for half the class and then switched, I could just take one photo at the end of the cardio time and when I got home I put it in my planner. But if we were bouncing around a lot of had a run/row, things were a bit more complicated. There were plenty of times that I would come home and have 7 or 8 photos of distances that I would need to add up to figure out how much I did. I was worried that there may be times I would forget to take a photo, but that never happened. It was probably because I was too terrified to forget so every time I went to a workout I kept saying to myself over and over again “don’t forget to track the mileage”.

I felt pretty confident that even with having to switch between the treadmill and the bike that I could do the half marathon challenge on the treadmill. Over the month, I ended up doing 15.929 miles in the workouts I had using the treadmill. I was happy that I went beyond the half marathon and didn’t really have a goal to hit once I got past that. And on the bike, I did 30.1 miles. The bike challenge was to do 105 miles, but that was based on the idea of only using the bike during the month. Out of the 17 workouts I did last month, I did 4.5 workouts on the bike (the half one was when I did a warmup and the start of one block on the treadmill before switching to the bike for the rest of the workout). Considering how few workouts were on the bike, I was pretty happy with the distance I did!

Overall in April, I did 46.029 miles in my workouts. Since this was the first time I tracked mileage in workouts, I don’t have anything to judge this against. But I am thinking about maybe making this a regular thing so I can see how one month compares to another. I’m not totally sure that I’ll keep this up, but it’s an idea I’ve been playing with and I’m going to see how things work out for me.

After a good physical monthly challenge, I wanted to do another mental one for May. While I’m not very new-agey with many things, I do have affirmations I read every day. I mainly use an affirmation app that gives me a new affirmation each day and I like having that as a focus for the day. It’s good motivation for me especially when it’s exactly what I need to hear that day. I’ve been using this app for years and it works for me, but I want to take things a bit further this month.

I’m not sure if I’m considering these more affirmations or maybe they are intentions for the day, but my challenge is to write down what I want to focus on each morning. I want it to be my motivation for what I want to do and what I want my attitude to be about. It may be that I write down that I want to focus more, or to organize my space, or just to relax. I’m a bit open-ended with how this will be because I’m not exactly sure what will resonant the most with me. But I want to do this each morning to set some sort of focus before I get too distracted with the craziness of the day.

I’m planning on using the weekly pages in my planner to write these in. I currently use the evening section of the weekly page to write my gratitude list each evening, so I feel like it will be nice bookends for my day to write my intention/affirmation in the morning section and my gratitude list in the evening section.

I’m excited to have another challenge that should help me focus and remain positive. I’ve had a few things challenge me lately that have brought down my mood. And while I’m not expecting to be positive all the time, it will be nice to have something that at least puts a little bit of my focus on something positive in the morning while I get ready for my day.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailContinuing To Work On Myself (or More Reflective Challenges) Default ThumbnailMay Challenge Recap (or It’s Time For Meditation) Default ThumbnailA Week Of Tough Workouts (or Frustration As Motivation) Default ThumbnailIt’s A Fitness Challenge (or Being Calm and Plank Time) Default ThumbnailHope And Health (or I Don’t Have The Motivation To Do A Bigger Challenge) Default ThumbnailMonthly Challenge Check-In (or Doing My Own Version Of An OTF Challenge This Month)

1 Comment

Posted in Fitness, Fun Stuff

Tagged , , , , ,

It’s Not Really A Transformation Challenge Fail (or Trying To Be Less Competitive With Myself)

Posted on April 6, 2018 | Comments Off on It’s Not Really A Transformation Challenge Fail (or Trying To Be Less Competitive With Myself)

I wrote previously about how I had signed up for the Transformation Challenge at Orangetheory but how I was debating about continuing it. I was at a pretty low point with my weight loss journey where I had been taking on lots of water weight and my body was puffing up. I was thinking about going to get some blood work done to see if it was my thyroid, but many of the symptoms I experienced (feeling cold, more hair loss than normal, the water weight gain) finally started to go away so I’ve postponed going to the doctor.

But because I was dealing with those medical issues, I pretty much gave up on the transformation challenge. I was feeling a bit depressed about how high the number on the scale was even though I knew that it wasn’t all “real” weight. But when you are a part of a transformation challenge that is based on weight loss, there’s no way to determine what weight I might have lost when the scale is actually higher than where I started.

I’m so competitive with myself and I thought it would be difficult to give up on this challenge. But the timing worked out well for me because the last part of the challenge was when I already started working out at the Culver City studio. And that studio wasn’t doing the challenge (new studios don’t do challenges right away) so I wasn’t facing it all the time and that helped keep it out of my mind. In fact, when the final weigh-ins happened for this challenge, I wasn’t at the Brentwood studio any of those days. I could have gone in just to weigh in, but I didn’t worry about it. And the staff there understood my reason and nobody there made me feel bad about it.

Of course, even though others didn’t make me feel bad about it, I still did. I know that I didn’t do anything wrong necessarily, but I still blame myself a little bit. And I would have loved to have won or placed in the challenge because I could always use that boost of confidence. But this time just wasn’t my time and I am working on understanding that. My stubbornness and competitiveness can be good things, but they can also cause me to be upset when there is no reason for me to feel that way.

So while I am feeling a bit down about not completing (or kicking butt in) a challenge, I am trying to think about what various therapists have said to me and focus on the positives. I knew that I wasn’t in the best place mentally or physically and made the smart decision to not continue the challenge. I think that if I did continue the stress may have made a lot of the symptoms I was experiencing worse. I also didn’t use the setback as an excuse to not work as hard. In fact, I think I was working harder to prove to myself that I wasn’t giving up in general but just giving up on this temporary challenge.

Being kind and gentle to myself isn’t something that comes naturally to me. It’s a skill that I’ve been working on for so long and it may be a struggle the rest of my life. Whenever something doesn’t go my way or the way I hoped, I automatically assume it is my fault or I was not worthy of something. It’s rarely the case that it is and I want to try to work on not having the negative reaction as my default. I’ve had enough good stuff happen to me that I should believe that I deserve good and I don’t deserve the bad, but as I’ve said before I think some of the things I heard as a child are just stuck in my mind and will always be demons I need to fight.

But for now, I’m not mad at myself for not completing the challenge. And for me, not being mad is a pretty big victory. And I am choosing to focus on that victory as the big win I had for this transformation challenge.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailAnother Weight Loss Challenge (or Getting Back On Track) Default ThumbnailWeight Loss Challenge Time (or Not Worrying About Winning) Default ThumbnailDoing A Transformation Challenge (or Maybe I Need To Change Things Up) Default ThumbnailSkipping A Transformation Challenge (or This Was An Easy Choice For Me) Default ThumbnailGetting Weighed In (or A New Orangetheory Challenge) Default ThumbnailEnding My Challenge Early (or I Guess I Made A Mistake)

Comments Off on It’s Not Really A Transformation Challenge Fail (or Trying To Be Less Competitive With Myself)

Posted in Fitness, Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Working On My Friendships (or Things Are Better In My 30’s)

Posted on February 9, 2018 | Comments Off on Working On My Friendships (or Things Are Better In My 30’s)

I’ve had a couple of friends turn 30 in the past few months. For so many people, 30 is a milestone and makes them freak out a bit. Maybe they aren’t where they want to be in life or they wonder what happened. I did have some ideas in my head of where I wanted to be when I turned 30, but my life was so different from what I was expecting that it didn’t really bug me that I wasn’t there. For me, turning 30 was pretty fun. I wasn’t too worried about the age and I’m still not that worried. I think age really is just a number and it doesn’t have to mean more than that. And whenever a friend is turning 30 and they are worried, I always tell them that so far my 30’s have been so much better than my 20’s.

My 30’s could be better for so many reasons. When I turned 20 I was still in college and not totally happy with things. I didn’t love college and I ended up graduating early so I could be done faster. I enjoyed learning, but I always felt like a bit of an outsider there. And even after college ended, I still had that outsider feeling. And part of this could be related to feeling uneasy with the friends that I had. They never made me feel like an outsider, but I always felt like I had to work harder at the friendship than they did and that they didn’t view me as close of a friend as I viewed them.

Those friendships ended very abruptly and it was a bit traumatic at the time, but reflecting back at it I know it was for the best. I was holding myself back with those friends and when I had to go out and find new friends I was just myself and didn’t worry too much about it. I don’t have a tough time making new friends, but it’s tough to make new friends who are more friends than acquaintances. And it took me time to learn that the new friends I was making easily weren’t necessarily long-term friends.

But lately, I’ve been able to strengthen a lot of my friendships. I think it was just due to random timing, but it’s nice to know that my friendships with people who I really care about are stronger now and I feel more confidence with having them as my friends. Even though I haven’t been hiding or diminishing myself with my friends, when my friendships are stronger I feel so much more free and that helps me discover who I am in a way. It’s so weird to need to have strong friendships to figure out myself, but I think because of some of the negative things that have been said to me in the past I need to see how others see me to see myself in a more truthful light.

I also think that there was a bit of just letting go and not caring when I turned 30. While I do still want to be liked by others, I also understand now that I can’t necessarily control what others think of me. If I am being my real self, they might love me or hate me. But I shouldn’t have to change myself to make others like me. For so long I really did just want everyone to like me. And when someone was mean to me I tried to see what I did wrong so I could fix it. That’s what happened when my best friend from college ended our friendship. I reflected back on what could have happened and tried to ask around to find out how I could make things better again. But in the end, I have no clue what I did and there was no way for me to fix it. It took me a while to get over it, but now I understand that whatever did happen was something that she felt and nothing I could have done would have changed it.

Today happens to be my half birthday. In 6 months I’ll be 35. That age doesn’t scare me (even though one person who recently turned 30 told me that she doesn’t feel old because you aren’t old until you are 35). What I’ve been able to accomplish and create in the first 4 1/2 years of my 30’s easily surpass what I did in the 10 years of my 20’s. And I’ve still got half of my 30’s to go, so I can’t even start to imagine what I’ll be able to get done by the time I’m 40.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailMaking Friends As An Adult (or Am I Weird?) Default ThumbnailMore Friends More Fun (or Still Building My Social Circle) Default ThumbnailWorking Out Into The New Year (or The End of My 2015 Workouts And Beginning of My 2016 Workouts) Default ThumbnailRinging In 2018 (or Being Festive While Being Lazy On The Couch) Default ThumbnailWorking On A New Plan (or Self-Producing) Default ThumbnailWorking Out While Cleansing (or Being Easy On Myself)

Comments Off on Working On My Friendships (or Things Are Better In My 30’s)

Posted in Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

Tagged , ,

My Word For 2018 (or Time To Be Fearless)

Posted on January 3, 2018 | Comments Off on My Word For 2018 (or Time To Be Fearless)

Most of my posts this week will be all about new year stuff. A new year brings a lot of new beginnings, and this is another one. This is all about my word for 2018! I’ve been doing a word of the year for a few years now and I always try to pick something that seems really positive and powerful. Those are attributes that I know I need to work on and the words I pick seems to be things that I feel like I was lacking the year before.

Last year, after I had picked my word for the year, I found a bracelet from MantraBand that had the word on it. This year, I knew I’d want a bracelet so I decided to use the MantraBand website as my inspiration for what words I wanted to consider. I had a few different ones that seemed to be really perfect for me and I took time to think about what they all meant to me and what seemed to represent what I wanted to accomplish in 2018. And I finally decided on one just before NYE.

There is so much that I am scared about and I want to work past that. And the word fearless works so well for so many different aspects of my life. I know that being fearful can hold me back so I want to make sure that I don’t use that as an excuse to not try. This is for sure something I struggle with and I know that working to get beyond it really will be life-changing for me.

I love the idea of being fearless and just going for what I want or what I love. I love the idea that I won’t be second guessing myself or worried that I might do something that can ruin something for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be scared to see what would happen if I take chances in my career, my recovery, or my life.

I know that this isn’t as easy as being a warrior or being strong, but that’s one of the reasons I picked this word. This not only means making a positive change but changing a negative one that I already have in my life. But because it is going to be more difficult to do, I think that means the results are going to be so much more powerful in the end for me. I have the little voices in the back of my head telling me I should be fearful of something or to hold back from trying something new and I need to find a way to make them be quiet. And once my fearlessness is louder than the voices telling me to be fearful, I think that so much will be possible.

I think that I have made a lot of steps in 2017 to being a bit more fearless already. Getting back into the dating word is a huge step and I put myself out there so much. I allowed myself to be hurt which is something I avoided for a long time. It’s tough for me to be fearless with dating and take chances since in my past someone told me that I would never be loved by anyone. I always have a fear that the date that I’m on might be the last date I have the rest of my life. I know that the chances of that happening are pretty slim, but it’s very tough to believe it when someone told me otherwise for so much of my life.

But if I didn’t put myself out there, I wouldn’t have had the positive things as well. And I know that I want more of that feeling in my life. It’s scary to have faith in yourself and believe that you are going to get good things to come your way, but I’ve finally started to experience that and I know that I am worthy of the good and that the bad are the rare things I have to deal with. I don’t deserve the bad, but sometimes I have to weed through those to find the good. And I’m no longer as fearful of the bad because I know the good is out there.

When I got my MantraBand bracelet, the packaging has a little blurb about what the word means. And I love the one that they have for fearless.

To be fearless is to do what scares you, to take a chance, to make a change. To love again. And to get back up after you fall. To be fearless is to know your fears, but never let them stop you.

This is so perfect. I know what scares me. It’s getting beyond that and doing things anyway that I need to work on. I’m really hoping that this year I can learn how to become more fearless so I can see what possibilities are really out there for me.

So here’s to what will hopefully be my year of being fearless and seeing what amazing things can happen to me when I stop being scared and start living without fear!

SaveSave

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailWorking On Being A Warrior (or Something To Remind Me) Default ThumbnailMy 2019 Word (or Finding Trust) Default ThumbnailStarting To Wrap Up 2017 (or Getting In All My End Of The Year Things) Default ThumbnailRethinking Being A Warrior (or Refocusing On My Word For The Year) Default ThumbnailMy 2018 Goals (or Pushing Myself And Being Gentle With Myself) Default ThumbnailRinging In 2018 (or Being Festive While Being Lazy On The Couch)

Comments Off on My Word For 2018 (or Time To Be Fearless)

Posted in Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

Tagged , ,

More Ridiculousness In Online Dating (or I Think I’ve Been Ghosted)

Posted on August 25, 2017 | 2 comments

My random online dating adventures have continued. It’s so weird right now because I’ve dated lots in the past, but this feels very different from it has before. Maybe I’m putting myself out there more. Maybe I’m realizing that I’m 34 and if I want to have a baby one day I need to start dating more seriously (and this is a big thing because I cannot use fertility treatments because of my liver tumors). Whatever the reason, this is very different from it has been in the past and that brings new and sometimes annoying situations.

I’m glad I’m having more luck with online dating. I’m having fun meeting new people and most of the time the guys I meet are good people. There are still some times that I’ve met some not-so-great guys, but if I’m getting to the point that I’m meeting them in person, usually I’ve vetted them a bit and I know they aren’t completely weird. Although there was a guy that I was supposed to meet and I technically stood him up after seeing him. He was looking very suspicious where we were supposed to meet and his photos were probably 10-15 years old. I didn’t feel comfortable meeting him and left. I messaged him after leaving and never heard back. So I’m guessing that something wasn’t right and listening to my gut was the right thing.

I’ve caught a few more cheaters recently and while those situations are horrible I’m getting better at catching them. And I’m getting smarter and taking screenshots of conversations because I have been sending them to their significant others because I feel like they should know that their guy is cheating. Most of the time they haven’t seen my messages because they are going into their filtered Facebook messages, but at least I know I’ve tried. And I’m hopeful that by calling out the guy for being a cheater (and sometimes using his significant other’s name in the conversation) that they will take a step back and hopefully not cheat on them. While I don’t have fun catching cheaters, I do take a bit of pride for being able to figure it out since that wasn’t always the case in the past.

When I share my dating stories online, it makes it seem like I only have negative experiences because that’s what I share online. But the positive ones aren’t as interesting unless it’s to say that I’ve met someone who has gotten me off of online dating. But there have been some great guys I’ve met and now dealing with another issue with modern dating.

I met a guy about a month ago. We have had a handful of dates and until recently we were texting each other every day. He was fun and I was having a good time texting him and seeing him. I didn’t know if it was going to lead to anything, but I was trying to stay open to the possibilities and let things happen. And now, I haven’t heard from him in a week. I don’t know what happened, but we were texting last week and he didn’t text me back after a question. I sent him another text this week just seeing how things are going and still no answer.

I’m not necessarily upset, more annoyed by this. I know that ghosting is a thing, but I don’t get it. If someone isn’t interested in seeing someone anymore, you should tell them. That’s what I’ve been doing with guys I’ve met that I don’t want another date with. And I’m aware that there can be reasons for someone to not text back for a week, but I also don’t care to play games. I don’t have the time for that and I’m not holding my breath for anything. If he texts me again, I’ll probably see him again because we have had fun. But I also will be cautious because I don’t want to be kept on the hook for anyone.

I’ve done online dating plenty in the past, but this is really the first time that I would consider myself ghosted. There are guys who have disappeared after the first date or before I’ve had the chance to meet them and that’s totally different. I still think that’s a stupid thing to do, but it’s way more common than disappearing after a month. But I guess I’m lucky because there are stories of people who have been ghosted after months or years of dating. And this guy was just a guy that I was seeing and we hadn’t had “the talk” of what we were. So I guess it’s more of a mini-ghosting? I have a feeling that as soon as this post goes up, I’ll hear from him or something just because timing is funny like that.  I don’t think he knows my blog, but I guess he could always google me and find it.

Despite my ghosting, I’m still optimistic and hopeful. There are other guys that I’ve met that I’ve continued to talk to. For some reason or another it hasn’t turned into anything more than just sporadic dating. And that’s fun, but I’m still hopeful to find something serious. And I have to just keep putting myself out there and taking chances for that to happen. There doesn’t seem to be another option besides that and at least I’m enjoying the ridiculousness online dating has brought to my life at times.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailWorking On Rejection (or Why Can’t Dating Be Like Acting) Default ThumbnailAdventures In Online Dating (or My Luck Might Be Changing) Default ThumbnailMore Thoughts On Online Dating (or Not Letting My Past Dictate My Future) Default ThumbnailNot Blaming Myself (or Still Learning From Online Dating) Default ThumbnailOnline Dating (or Finding Comedy in What’s Out There) Default ThumbnailDating And Disneyland (or Not My Post-It Day)

2 Comments

Posted in Dating, Fun Stuff

Tagged , ,

Adventures In Online Dating (or My Luck Might Be Changing)

Posted on May 19, 2017 | 6 comments

It’s been several years since I’ve blogged about online dating. After my first post about it, I stepped away from online dating for a while. I wanted to focus on me and dating wasn’t really a priority anymore. Then I was going to get back online when I found out about my tumors. I got my profile set up on a few different sites, but wasn’t really doing much about it. I didn’t want to start dating someone and have to explain that I was going to have a major surgery. And then when I had my miracle, I decided to jump back into online dating and try to be a bit more serious about it.

I’m technically on 4 different dating sites/apps right now, but I only really use 3 of them. But 3 is still a lot! And in the past, I haven’t really had a lot of luck with meeting guys online. Sometimes I would meet someone for coffee or something, but more often than not I would start talking to a guy online and either the conversation would die completely really quickly or he would turn out to be a total creeper and say something disgusting to me and I would never want to meet them. And I’m still having those same issues, but I’m also still having a ton of luck with online dating for the first time ever!

From the 3 sites that I’m using, I’ve met at least one guy from each of the sites. Sometimes I go on a date and realize pretty quickly that there is no way that we could work out. I had a date with one guy who chewed with his mouth open and asked me about how much money I made and how much I paid for various things in my life. That’s not ok with me and I was glad when that date was over. I also had a date with someone who was really awesome and I had a great time meeting them, but they were only in LA for work and I’m not looking for anything long distance.

And then there have been some really great guys that I’ve met and from some reason or another we just didn’t do a second date. It’s never easy to deal with rejection no matter how old you are, but I’m doing better with it now than I have in the past. And unlike most other times I’ve ventured into online dating, none of my rejections have been because of my weight. I do have some full body photos on my various profiles so I’m honest about how I look. But even though I did that before, I had guys years ago say horrible things about my size on the date as a way to reject me. I don’t know if I’m meeting better quality guys or if guys are just more mature in their 30’s than in their 20’s. But either way I’m glad that I’m not dealing with the fat shaming that I had in the past with guys that I’m choosing to meet.

I’ve been joking to my friends that I’ve never had this much luck before in the past with online dating and it’s surprising me how well it’s been going. I don’t know what has changed with me, but maybe I’m just a better version of myself than I have been in the past. And a friend suggested to me that maybe my tumors were taking up all my good luck for so long (since I never had to deal with any of the horrible complications those tumors can cause) and now that I’m getting them under control my good luck can move to other parts of my life. I kind of wish the good luck was with my acting and not my dating, but beggars can’t be choosers and I’m happy that I’m experiencing some good luck in my life!

I haven’t met anyone that I’ve gone out with for more than 2 dates yet, but that’s ok with me. I’m working on being busy with my life again now and I don’t want to give up my time to someone who I don’t see as really amazing. My life is still a priority to me and I just want to meet a guy who fits into that or adds to my life and doesn’t take away from that. But I’m so glad that at least this adventure into online dating has been the most successful one I’ve had yet and I’m hopeful that I will meet someone who really does add to my life and not take away from everything else that I’m trying to do.

It’s so difficult to stay positive with dating, especially in LA where it seems impossible to meet guys who are single, straight, and quality men. But I feel like my experience recently has given me more hope than I ever have had that there is someone out there for me. I just have to keep working on finding him and need to be patient because it might not happen right away.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailDoing Some More Dating Reflection (or It’s Been An Interesting Year) Default ThumbnailWorking On Rejection (or Why Can’t Dating Be Like Acting) Default ThumbnailMore Ridiculousness In Online Dating (or I Think I’ve Been Ghosted) Default ThumbnailPositivity (or Maybe My Luck Is Changing) Default ThumbnailMore Thoughts On Online Dating (or Not Letting My Past Dictate My Future) Default ThumbnailNot Blaming Myself (or Still Learning From Online Dating)

6 Comments

Posted in Dating, Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

Tagged , ,