Tag Archives: online dating

Dating In Isolation (or Another Thing I’m Trying To Keep Normal)

Posted on April 3, 2020 | Comments Off on Dating In Isolation (or Another Thing I’m Trying To Keep Normal)

Everyone right now is learning how to do things in a new way. There are so many people who have never worked from home that are trying to figure out how to manage things (and they are learning that it’s not as easy as it might have seemed). We are trying to figure out better and safer ways to get the supplies that we need in our daily lives and reevaluating what is necessary and what is not. And we are working on figuring out a new normal and seeing what we can continue doing.

And yes, figuring out our new normal includes some frivolous things. Not everything right now is serious and it’s ok to focus on something that isn’t as important as others. For example, I have a few friends that have had to cancel their weddings because of everything. It’s ok to be upset that it’s canceled even though they know it’s for the best. Or for kids to be upset that they can’t see their friends. I’m figuring out some things that I know are not that important and being upset that I’m not able to do things the way that I’m used to. Everyone is working through this right now and we each have different ways of dealing with it.

In one of the dating related Facebook groups that I’m in, the discussion about dating right now has been a very active topic. There are the obvious things like how we all know that we cannot go out and go on a date with someone. Some people have discussed temporarily moving in with someone that they weren’t super serious about yet so they would still be able to see each other during isolation. Honestly, if I was seeing someone regularly right now, I’d probably be doing that too. Isolation seems to be the make it or break it point for a lot of people. Either they are trying to find a way to be together right now or they realize that they don’t care enough about the other person so they end things.

And then there are lots of people who aren’t seeing anyone regularly or seriously and are debating if they should just temporarily give up on dating right now. There is a lot of reason why this makes sense. In my dating profile, I have a statement that I’m looking for something real and not just a pen pal. I hate messaging back and forth on the apps. I would prefer to meet someone right away because I have had amazing chemistry with someone over text and no chemistry in person. But now, messaging is really all we can do.

But at the same time, I’ve been looking at this as a moment to change up my dating strategy. Maybe not getting to know someone without being in person could be a good thing. It’s not like I have another option. I have to find ways to connect with someone without being together if I want to keep trying. And at the same time, I still want to protect some of my personal details like I always have. For example, I don’t feel comfortable giving out my phone number until I’ve met someone because I like to know they are real and not a scammer.

Some apps are making things a bit easier than others. For example, on Bumble they have a built-in phone and video chat feature. So you can talk to someone on the phone or have a video call without having to give out your number. That’s a nice thing and I wish other apps would have that feature (at least for right now). And I have been using those features with guys that I have matched with in the past week. It’s still not as good as getting to meet someone in person, but it is an improvement over texting.

I have no clue if I will actually connect with someone right now. Or if I do connect with someone that it will last until whenever we would be able to meet up in person. In normal times, I’m not on dating apps just to talk to people. I am on there for the purpose of trying to find someone. But now, I’m relaxing on that idea a bit. I still would love to find my person, but I also am craving any human interaction and dating apps do help to provide that. I’m not just swiping right on everyone to match with anyone and everyone. I still have my standards with who I would want to spend time. But it’s feeling a bit looser and I’m open to talking to people I might have rejected before. Maybe this could help me find someone better than who I have been meeting or maybe not. I have no idea. All I know is that this is one part of my life that I’m not giving up on just because things are changing in the world.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailStill Figuring Out Dating During COVID (or Phone Calls, Video Chats, And Social Distances Meetups) Default ThumbnailAnother Dating App Ban (or This Is What Makes Me Over Things) Default ThumbnailDating Life Update (or I Guess I’m Lucky I’m Still Seeing Humor In This) Default ThumbnailStill Trying To Get Back To Normal (or Isolation Monthly Challenges Really Are Not Easy) Default ThumbnailStill Trying To Figure Out Pandemic Dating (or Sometimes You Can’t Plan For Things) Default ThumbnailDating And Disneyland (or Not My Post-It Day)

Comments Off on Dating In Isolation (or Another Thing I’m Trying To Keep Normal)

Posted in Dating

Tagged , ,

Continuing To Share My Experiences (or This Is Going To Be Vague)

Posted on February 27, 2020 | Comments Off on Continuing To Share My Experiences (or This Is Going To Be Vague)

First, I have to apologize that a lot of what I am going to write in this post will be a bit vague. But it’s for a good reason. And hopefully, you all will understand.

I’ve been pretty open about my crazy experiences with dating. Almost everything I post has something funny or an element of humor in it. Even the stories that are about rejection or being hurt is usually done in a positive way. Most of those stories have a lesson that I can share that makes them not as bad. And even the stories about me being heartbroken are able to have something good in them. I haven’t been hurt that much, but when I have it’s usually something I can move past or learn from.

But I have also had some bad experiences with dating that I wouldn’t want to happen to anyone else. I know that my experiences are not unique and they are way too common, but knowing that I’m not alone in those experiences doesn’t make it better. But we are now in a time where more people are coming forward and sharing what happened to them so people don’t have to feel alone. And there is research being done to understand how common this is and what people experience after something happens.

Through a friend, I learned about some research being done about dating and experiences like mine. I can’t go into a lot of detail about what they were researching or what the plan is because they are still working on it and I don’t want to ruin anything they might be doing. But when I learned about what they were doing I was intrigued. And when I learned that they were asking for people to share their experiences, I filled out the form that was online. In the form, it asked if we would be willing to speak to someone further about our stories and I clicked that I agreed to that. But I figured that they probably had a ton of people who said they would talk so I didn’t expect anything to come from it.

But last week, I got an email from someone involved in the research asking me if I was still willing to talk to them. I didn’t respond right away because I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to do this. Even though I am pretty open here about what I’ve been through, I am in control of what is written here. If someone else was writing about me or sharing my story, I lose control or what bias might be added. But after thinking about it for about a day, I decided that there was no harm in at least talking to them on the phone and finding out more about what they were doing or what they wanted from me.

I had my phone call earlier this week, and it wasn’t easy. Sharing some of these bad experiences that are still fresh in my mind did make me cry. Fortunately, the person I spoke to understood and wasn’t impatient or frustrated that I needed to take moments when I did. They told me I could end the call whenever I wanted to or change my mind about wanting to share what happened. I was given a few options with how they could potentially share my story, and I decided that they could share it in their research but that they wouldn’t use my name or any identifying details about me. I feel like that’s probably the best option because I don’t necessarily want it to be connected to me but I don’t want my story to be ignored.

I will have at least one follow-up call in the next week or so, and there may be more calls after that. Once things are further in their research, they may have more questions for me or want some things to be clarified. And I’m willing to do that. The hard part was sharing my story and being vulnerable in allowing someone else to share it. Now, hopefully, the follow-up call (or calls) will be a bit easier and not as intense for me. And if this research does use my story and something comes of it, I will probably share it online. I don’t know if I will share it and say that my story is in it, but I can decide that if/when it happens.

It’s interesting to me how it can be so easy for me to be open at times and how difficult it can be at other times. But no matter how tough it was this time, I have no regrets. Sharing what happened to me does give me some power over the situation. I can make sure that people hear my experience and I can hope that they will understand what happened. I got some judgment after I wrote my blog post about it and people said I was overreacting to a bad date. But I know that’s not what happened to me and I will take opportunities when I can share my side of the story so the next person who experiences this hopefully won’t get the same judgment that I got.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailYet Another Book Rewrite (or Letting My Blog Posts Inspire Me) Default ThumbnailReaching A New Audience (or Laughing At My Dating Adventures) Default ThumbnailWorld Mental Health Day (or Seeing So Many People Be So Open) Default ThumbnailFinding More Ways To Help Via Social Media (or Continuing To Share Good Things) Default ThumbnailA Story I Didn’t Know If I Would Share (or Having Complicated Feelings About People) Default ThumbnailContinuing To Work On My Book (or I Wonder How Many Versions I’ll Have Before I Finish It)

Comments Off on Continuing To Share My Experiences (or This Is Going To Be Vague)

Posted in Dating, Tough Stuff

Tagged , ,

Connecting Work And Dating (or Is My Job Affecting My Mental Health More Than I Realized)

Posted on February 20, 2020 | Comments Off on Connecting Work And Dating (or Is My Job Affecting My Mental Health More Than I Realized)

Even though I work from home, I have ways to communicate with my co-workers at my customer service job. We use an online chat system to assist customers, and we can also use it to chat with each other. This has been very helpful when we have a question from a customer that we don’t know the answer to or a customer is saying one of told them something that doesn’t seem right. But we often also chat socially with each other in our chat system since our job can be very lonely when it’s not busy and we are all working at our own homes alone.

I probably chat the most with my manager. We always are sharing funny and random things we find online. Sometimes that is what keeps me feeling sane on a day that is driving me crazy. And earlier this week, she sent me a funny meme about how when you apply for a job the hiring manager should be more upfront about what to expect with the job. Such as if you are willing to bend over backward for a customer or get them a manager immediately. And she and I were coming up with our own lines of what we would want to ask future employees doing our job.

Then she said something that hit me a lot harder than it probably should have. She joked that customers should say they are ok with hearing abuse from customers and still be polite and kind to them (we are told often that we are ruining someone’s life because a show is sold out or by enforcing our policies so we do get yelled at on a somewhat regular basis). And as soon as she wrote that, I realized that I do tolerate a lot at this job and I don’t let it affect how I treat a customer while I’m helping them. I don’t stand up for myself (nor can I really in a customer service job) and I have gotten very used to hearing some awful things. When I’m called a bitch on the phone by a customer, I don’t even flinch. It’s something I’m used to and almost expect at times.

But it got me wondering if tolerating this sort of inappropriate behavior at work is also making me tolerate bad behavior in life. More specifically, am I tolerating things I shouldn’t in dating?

That was a bit of a glass-shattering moment for me and I started thinking back at guys I have dated recently or chatted with on the apps. And I know that I have become more open-minded and am not as strict with dating anymore, which is a good thing. I have learned that not everything has to be a dealbreaker for me, sometimes it just needs to be a conversation to understand it more. But I shouldn’t tolerate anything just to be nice.

I know that there are plenty of times that I haven’t tolerated when a guy said something disgusting to me. If they are going to shame me for any part of me or my life, it’s no question that I want to unmatch with them. I don’t have to have someone be abusive toward me to get a date. But there are so many guys that I have realized are between being good guys and horrible guys that I probably shouldn’t have continued talking to.

There aren’t any hard and fast rules about what I am tolerating that I shouldn’t, but it’s making me reevaluate a lot of things. For example, if I am messaging someone and trying to set up plans, I don’t have to tolerate it if they don’t message me for a week and then ignore that we were discussing meeting up. I can bring up that I’m happy to chat with them more in person, but I should push for what I want to do. I know I don’t want to message with someone, I want to meet them and see if we click.

There is a bit of fear still in my mind about rejecting someone who could be my “last chance” (which I know isn’t true because if they aren’t right then they weren’t supposed to be my person). I hate that fear is still there, but I’ve realized that this feeling is so much more than just this fear. I want to be liked and not create conflict, but by doing that I am allowing behavior that I shouldn’t be ok with.

This isn’t going to be a quick fix where I learn how to stand up for myself more, but it’s something that I’m aware of now that I never thought about before. And I don’t want to swing to the other extreme and not tolerate anything that might be slightly different than what I thought. Being open-minded has been such a good thing for me and I don’t want to become closed-off. Finding balance is the key.

And yes, this all relates back to my word for this year. No wonder I felt so drawn to picking balance as my word.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailDoing Some More Dating Reflection (or It’s Been An Interesting Year) Default ThumbnailA Little Job Update (or It Was Silly To Be Scared) Default ThumbnailWork Work Work (or Another Very Part Time Job) Default ThumbnailMental Health Month (or Better Late Than Never) Default ThumbnailFiguring Out Some Self-Care (or Working On My Physical And Mental Health) Default ThumbnailWorld Mental Health Day (or Seeing So Many People Be So Open)

Comments Off on Connecting Work And Dating (or Is My Job Affecting My Mental Health More Than I Realized)

Posted in Dating, Work

Tagged , ,

Not Sure What This Guy Was Thinking (or When Being A Rule Breaker Doesn’t Pay Off)

Posted on December 10, 2019 | Comments Off on Not Sure What This Guy Was Thinking (or When Being A Rule Breaker Doesn’t Pay Off)

Time for another dating post. But this one isn’t a big revelation or a huge story. It’s just the story of one guy and what happened over 2 days. And maybe someone else will be able to explain to me what happened because I’m still very confused.

As the story usually goes with guys I meet on dating apps, we matched and because it was on Bumble I had to send a message first. We started messaging back and forth about a lot of different things and it seemed like we had a lot in common. The only negative about this guy was that he only lived part of the time in LA (the rest of the time he lived in NYC). But that wasn’t enough for me to not want to keep messaging with him and the day after we started messaging I mentioned that it would be nice to meet up.

Fortunately, he agreed but he also had a long workday that day. He said he works in Burbank and we could either meet up in Burbank right when he was done with work or he could come to my side of town a few hours after work. I didn’t want to be out too late, so I decided that I would drive to his side of town.

I almost never do this for a first date anymore. I have learned from past experience that I would rather be closer to my side of town in case the date goes poorly. I have left dates after only a few minutes before and it’s really annoying to have to drive an hour there or back when the date only lasts a fraction of that time. But I was feeling optimistic about this guy so I figured I could break my own rule and it would be fine. He seemed like a good guy and he was being really respectful in our messages. When I asked him for his last night to give to my friend for safety, he said he had never been asked for his last name before going on a date but that he thought it was a really smart idea. I shared a screenshot of that part of our conversation with friends saying how awesome it was that he was being a gentleman.

We kept messaging throughout the day and when I was getting ready to drive over there I gave him a heads up. He had suggested a bar we could meet at and that worked for me. I let him know approximately what time I was supposed to arrive so he wasn’t sitting there and waiting too long for me, and he said that was fine. I told him I was starting the drive so he wouldn’t be concerned if I wasn’t responding to any messages he sent. He thanked me for the heads up and told me that he’d see me at the bar soon.

The drive over there was only a little bit faster than my GPS predicted. But it still took me an hour to get there and I was so happy to find a parking spot so I could message this guy and let him know I was there and would head inside the bar. But when I went to Bumble to message him, the match was gone.

Bumble is one of the apps that shows you the difference between someone deleting their profile and someone unmatching you. Because it didn’t see the messages with the heading “deleted profile”, I knew he had unmatched with me. But I honestly have no clue why.

I guess there is a chance that he did message me while I was driving and he got offended or worried when I didn’t respond and he thought I wasn’t going to show up. I also wondered if he wasn’t actually single and he was having second thoughts about being a cheater (while I would appreciate him for doing that, a heads up would be nice). But what I’m assuming is that this was all a joke or a prank to him. Maybe he wanted me to feel rejected or sad that someone I thought was interested didn’t show up. Maybe he thought I would go into the bar without checking Bumble to see if we were still matched and I’d be sitting at the bar waiting for him and I would be stood up. But instead of me feeling rejected, I was pissed.

I was so mad at the situation that I was shaking. I didn’t feel safe to drive home so I called a friend to vent about the situation. I needed to tell someone what happened and try to calm down. And while I did get a bit more upset as I shared the story, I finally started to calm down. My friend didn’t have a clue why this guy did this to me either, so while I was calming down I was still confused. I thought about staying on that side of town to do something so the drive wouldn’t be wasted, but at that point, I just wanted to go home and decompress.

The drive home was a bit faster than the drive there, which was nice. And once I was home I turned on my tv to watch something fun on my DVR to be in a better mood before going to bed. By the time I went to bed, I was still a little angry about the entire thing but I was much more confused. And now, I’m just confused about what the point was for the guy.

If this was supposed to be a joke or a prank, it was unfinished because I didn’t go into the bar and feel stood up. If he wanted me to feel that way, he should have messaged me saying he was inside so I would have gotten out of my car to go inside to try to find him. It’s almost sad that he couldn’t follow through with a prank if that’s what it was and I know that I’m better for not wasting more time on a date with this guy.

There’s no big life lesson from this date other than the rules I set for myself are good and I should stick to them. I’ve been good about not giving out my number until I meet a guy (you don’t want to give your number to a scammer), but I need to be better about not driving out of my way for a date. And this non-date really proved to me that the rule is a smart one and this is what might happen if I don’t follow it.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailWorking On Rejection (or Why Can’t Dating Be Like Acting) Default ThumbnailGetting Banned From Tinder (or No Regrets Calling Out A Cheater) Default ThumbnailI Might Write A Book (or The Bumble Avenger) Default ThumbnailSometimes I Miss Not Caring (or The Grass Is Always Greener) Default ThumbnailStanding Up For Myself (or A Bad But Funny Date Story) Default ThumbnailThinking About My Relationships (or Starting My 2018 Reflection)

Comments Off on Not Sure What This Guy Was Thinking (or When Being A Rule Breaker Doesn’t Pay Off)

Posted in Dating

Tagged ,

Ignoring The Voices In My Head (or Not Letting Dates Get Me Down)

Posted on November 22, 2019 | Comments Off on Ignoring The Voices In My Head (or Not Letting Dates Get Me Down)

I feel like I have a dating update post each month. But I guess that’s a result of continuing to put effort into dating and not taking a break or giving up. I don’t have any big updates or news, just the usual about random dates that I went on and what happened.

Nothing horrible has happened recently, but there have been things that stung a bit or made me doubt myself. I had a few matchest that made plans with me and then immediately unmatched with me or unmatched with me right before we were supposed to meet. I don’t get what the game is behind that, but it’s annoying and it does make me wonder if there is something wrong with me. I had a date a few weeks ago with a guy that I had zero chemistry or interest in once we met. He wasn’t showing any personality and really felt like a waste of my time. But he also seemed very interested in me and it made me question why someone who acted like that was the type of person I attracted.

And then I had a date that has a similar story to one I told recently. It wasn’t exactly the same and it didn’t sting as much, but I had another date that seemed like it went well and I was really enjoying the time we spent together. We met up for a drink and we had a lot to talk about and we didn’t have a lot of awkward moments. He does magic as a hobby and we had a really fascinating discussion about magic and its history and longevity. It was so nice having a conversation that didn’t feel superficial even if it wasn’t about something serious. And it seemed like he was interested in me. When our date ended, I mentioned how I’d like to meet up again and he said the same. He texted me after the date to make sure I made it home safely and said he would let me know when he was free over the next few days so we could see each other again.

The next day, I get a message from him saying that he enjoyed the time we had the night before and talking with me. But he wanted to be honest and he didn’t believe we were a good fit for each other. I messaged back saying that I appreciated the honesty and hoped that he found his perfect match. And I tried not to think too much about it.

But my brain went so many different directions. Why did he say he would let me know when we could see each other again if he didn’t want to see me again? Or, what changed between him writing me that message and him deciding we weren’t a good match? What about me made him not want to see me again? What did I do wrong? What could I have done better to not get rejected? What did he feel made us not a good match and is there a way I could fix it?

Even though I wasn’t completely sure if this was the right guy for me, I couldn’t help but think what is wrong with me and not that there is something not right for us to be a match. I wonder if I’m really unlovable and unwanted like I was told when I was younger by someone. I put the blame on not being a good match completely on me and assume it can’t have anything to do with him. But I know that isn’t necessarily true because I have felt like people weren’t a good match when it isn’t totally because of them. Sometimes you just aren’t a match and it’s nobody’s fault and it is just the way it is. And I can believe that when I’m the one rejecting someone and not the person being rejected.

I’m lucky that I have amazing friends that remind me that the things my brain is telling me aren’t the truth. They remind me that I don’t want to waste my time with someone who isn’t completely interested in me and that I deserve someone who feels like I am the perfect match for them. They tell me that I shouldn’t have to see what I need to change about myself to be a match for someone. When I meet the right person, I will be right for them the way that I am and I won’t have to fit into something that they want. Hopefully, when I meet the right person it will be easy and I won’t worry about what I did wrong or right when I meet them. I know I’m not perfect and that’s not what I’m saying. But I want to believe that my true self will be what someone else is looking for and I won’t have to change who I am to make them want to be with me.

I don’t know if I will ever stop hearing the voices in my head telling me that the reason why dating isn’t going the way I hoped it would be is all my fault. Or when I’m rejected it’s because of who I am. But I can try to quiet those statements as much as I can and listen to the people who are telling me the truth to make the truth louder in my head than the lies I still believe for some reason.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailBeing My Authentic Self (or Ignoring All The Outside Voices) Default ThumbnailAn Easier Workout Week (or Ignoring My Head And Listening To My Body) Default ThumbnailWorking On Rejection (or Why Can’t Dating Be Like Acting) Default ThumbnailA NaNoWriMo Update (or Maybe I Need More Dates) Default ThumbnailYet Another Book Rewrite (or Letting My Blog Posts Inspire Me) Default ThumbnailMore Thoughts On Online Dating (or Not Letting My Past Dictate My Future)

Comments Off on Ignoring The Voices In My Head (or Not Letting Dates Get Me Down)

Posted in Dating

Tagged , ,

Not Sure How I Did With My Last Monthly Challenge (or Another Attempt At NaNoWriMo)

Posted on November 1, 2019 | Comments Off on Not Sure How I Did With My Last Monthly Challenge (or Another Attempt At NaNoWriMo)

When I set my monthly challenge for October to be working more on my acting career, I was so excited about the things I had in mind. I had some things in mind that were bigger plans that I knew would be things I would need to save up for, but there were several things I knew I could work on. And honestly, I don’t really know how much I succeeded or failed at my challenge.

I knew that I would have the convention and that would be a big acting related event. And it did help my career in many ways, but my plan was to try to do more than just that. I wanted to do some research into classes, work on organizing things to be ready when I have auditions, and schedule and hopefully take new headshots. And I did a little bit of research work (part of that includes my tv research), but I didn’t do a majority of what I wanted to.

I don’t want to make excuses for myself, but I know why this didn’t happen. First, I was dealing with money issues and that made me hesitant to plan for anything that would require money. I also didn’t expect to be as tired after the convention as I was and that took a lot out of me. Part of being tired (and another reason why I didn’t do much for my career) had to do with my grandma passing away. I’m grieving this loss very differently than I expected and I think part of that has been that it hasn’t fully hit me yet. When my grandpa passed away, I was with my family a few days later. When I have had friends pass away, it felt more real because of how I had been staying in touch with them. This time, I don’t know if it will fully hit me until Thanksgiving. But for the past few weeks, I’ve been just having this weird feeling that is almost like I have a bit of grief and sadness affecting other things. I’m ok and nobody needs to worry about me about being depressed or anything. This is just how I am processing it and it wasn’t what I thought it would be.

Obviously, working on my acting career is a challenge that isn’t going to stop just because it’s a new month. I need to work on this and keep working on this. I still want to accomplish the things I had in mind for last month, so I will keep making plans and trying to get them done. I do still have the same financial restrictions for now, but planning can be done without spending money. And for the things that will require money, I can take steps towards those too.

And for my monthly challenge this month, I’ll be repeating one I’ve done in November before. I’ll be working on writing a book. I’ve stopped working on the book about online dating that I was working on in the past because I didn’t like how it was coming together. And a few months ago, I had the idea to change the book to be more about life lessons I’ve been learning from online dating. I’ve been working on notes and organizing ideas for what these lessons are so that I could be ready to start working on the new book. And I’m planning on working on it this month.

I still do not think I will have a finished first draft for the book after the month is done because I don’t know if the book is done yet. I know that I will have more stories from online dating that haven’t happened yet, so I will want to add those as they do happen. But I want to get each section that I’ve got notes on right now written during the month. I don’t know if I want to work on one lesson/chapter each day that I write or just try to work a bit every day. I’m allowing myself to be flexible and see how it works best for me.

I feel much better about working on the book this time because I do have notes that help me see the flow of how the book can go. I have shifted lessons around so that it makes more narrative sense to me. And I’m excited to be able to write down some of the crazier stories that weren’t going to be in other versions of the book because they weren’t substantial enough. But now, I can’t put a bunch of stories together in one lesson if they work that way. I can’t wait to see what happens as I write and what I might be inspired to edit and change as I work on it.

I do also have an idea for a fiction book about dating that I have notes on, but I don’t have the same pull to work on it as I do with my life lessons book. I also think reflecting on the lessons I’ve learned will be a good thing for me and will remind me that even though dating hasn’t been going the way I wanted it to that I am getting some good things out of it.

Hopefully, when I do my update after the month is done I will have some great things to share about how the writing went. I have high expectations for myself since this is not the first time I have tried working on this. I know how I didn’t succeed before and want to make sure I don’t repeat those mistakes. And even though this book will still be a work in progress after the month is over, I want to feel like I’ve gotten a lot of work on it done and that it’s more of a book than a bunch of ideas.

Good luck to anyone else doing NaNoWriMo this month! I hope you get everything out of it that you are hoping for!

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailI Actually Wrote A Book! (or Getting Myself Ready For 2020) Default ThumbnailTrying NaNoWriMo (or Kind Of Another Monthly Challenge) Default ThumbnailThinking Of Changing Up My Monthly Challenge (or I Guess This Would Be A First) Default ThumbnailA NaNoWriMo Update (or Maybe I Need More Dates) Default ThumbnailNaNoWriMo Take 2 (or Still Working On The Same Book) Default ThumbnailMonthly Challenge Check-In (or Doing My Own Version Of An OTF Challenge This Month)

Comments Off on Not Sure How I Did With My Last Monthly Challenge (or Another Attempt At NaNoWriMo)

Posted in Dating, Fun Stuff

Tagged , , , , , ,

Dating Life Update (or I Guess I’m Lucky I’m Still Seeing Humor In This)

Posted on October 29, 2019 | Comments Off on Dating Life Update (or I Guess I’m Lucky I’m Still Seeing Humor In This)

It’s been a while since I’ve written much about any random adventures I’ve been having with dating or online dating. And that’s because there haven’t been any big developments. I’m still dating and finding a lot of the same struggles I’ve had for a while. I have noticed a few differences, but I feel like they are more about what I am learning about myself and not what I am learning about how to date or find the right guy for me.

I’m not fed up with dating (at least not yet), but it’s definitely testing me. I’m so tired of having the same things happen over and over again. And I know that they aren’t necessarily my fault. I keep finding men who are just in LA for vacation so they might be fun to meet up with for dinner but there’s no potential there. I find men who answer my innocent opening lines with something dirty and disgusting. On Bumble, women have to start texting. I usually have a simple opening line such as “Funny or scary movies?” and I get some fun answers. But then there are the few guys each week that answer it with something like naked movies or whatever they have filmed on a hidden camera in their bedroom.

Because my tolerance for things like that is going down, I’m unmatching with those guys right away and not feeling bad about it. They don’t need a second chance when they start a conversation like that. If they were someone I wanted to meet, I wouldn’t have such a negative reaction to what they wrote.

I’m also getting annoyed with men who either don’t seem to want to make plans to meet up or unmatch with me after planning a date. There’s only so much I can do to suggest meeting for coffee or a drink. If a guy won’t take the hint or won’t follow through, I don’t see the need to waste my time on them. I’m not looking for someone to text with, I’m looking to meet up and see what can happen. And I have encountered several men who make a plan to meet up and then the day of they unmatch for whatever reason. Maybe they changed their mind and didn’t feel like I needed to know, maybe they never wanted to meet up. I try not to take that rejection personally, but it’s hard not to think there is something wrong with me that made them do it.

I also went out with someone recently that I thought I really clicked with. We had a great first date that ended up lasting over 12 hours between meeting up, going for drinks, getting dinner, seeing a movie, and just talking to get to know each other. I was excited about a second date and he seemed to be as well. And while we were planning that second date, he said he didn’t want to go out again because he didn’t think we had a connection. Again, I tried not to take it personally but it wasn’t easy. But a friend put it in a different perspective for me. My friend said that if this guy couldn’t figure out if we had a connection while on a 12-hour date, I shouldn’t want to go out with him again because he’s not quick to pick up on things. I appreciated hearing that and it made me feel so much better about the situation.

But focusing on more positive things, I am trying to be more open to taking chances with dating. If I’m not 100% sure about a guy (maybe I don’t think they are my type or they have something in their profile I’m not sure about), I still am willing to meet in person since you never know. There are guys that I didn’t think I would like that I ended up going out with several times. And the same goes for guys I have gone out with before. I am willing to give guys from my past another chance as long as they didn’t do anything to hurt me before. If we just were in different places and that’s why we stopped seeing each other, then I am willing to try again if they want to. Of course, if they were rude to me or did something else that upset me, they don’t get a second chance no matter what.

And I’m still enjoying the various dating-related Facebook groups that I’m in. Many of the groups I’m in are about being single and not necessarily dating. They celebrate being single and dating posts aren’t as often. But it’s still a great support for me and I enjoy seeing how other people are enjoying dating and being single. And then there is one group that really is a dating support group for me. We can share anything that has happened on dates or dating apps and we all are sounding boards for each other. We can post texts for others to help interpret or screenshots of dating profiles (with the photos and names blocked out) to have a good laugh. That group has helped me stay sane when I feel like this is all driving me crazy. I don’t know what I would do without the women in that group. Their virtual support means so much to me.

I wish I had a better dating update to share, but it’s really that I’m just trucking along as always. I am becoming a stronger person as I go through the dating world and am more sure about what I want to find in a potential partner. I know what I deserve and what I don’t need to tolerate. And as much as I wished I had learned that lesson on my own, I think I had to learn it through dating because it really does help to make things clearer. I have more to write about my online dating book soon, but for now, the update is just that I’m still going and still trying to see the positive in the randomness of the dating world.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailAdventures In Online Dating (or My Luck Might Be Changing) Default ThumbnailBeing Hurt And Finding Closure (or Still Finding Out More About Myself Through Dating) Default ThumbnailWorking On Rejection (or Why Can’t Dating Be Like Acting) Default ThumbnailMore Ridiculousness In Online Dating (or I Think I’ve Been Ghosted) Default ThumbnailYet Another Life Lesson From Dating (or Finding Power When Not In Control) Default ThumbnailStill Finding New Life Lessons With Dating (or Some Skills I’m Proud Of And Some I’m Not Sure About)

Comments Off on Dating Life Update (or I Guess I’m Lucky I’m Still Seeing Humor In This)

Posted in Dating

Tagged , ,

Standing Up For Myself (or A Bad But Funny Date Story)

Posted on August 6, 2019 | Comments Off on Standing Up For Myself (or A Bad But Funny Date Story)

I feel like it’s been a while since I’ve shared a random dating story. Lately, it’s been more about life lessons from dating. But there have been so many one-off date stories lately and I haven’t been sharing them on here. Most of them are pretty simple. There have been guys who don’t match the photos that were in their profiles, guys that I don’t click with for some reason or another, and of course more guys that ghost at various points in time. But last week, I had another epic date story.

This guy seemed totally normal while we were messaging on the app. We chatted about a few different things and then decided to meet up for a drink since it’s important to see if there is chemistry in person. We didn’t really live too close to each other, so we decided to meet somewhere that was in the middle. And Hollywood was somewhat between us and I suggested that we meet at Wood & Vine. That worked for him and I was happy that we were meeting somewhere that I knew well and was comfortable with.

We were meeting there while a show was going on at the Pantages, so the restaurant only had a few people there. We sat at the bar and he ordered a beer and I had water. He was debating about getting food, but I was secretly hoping he wasn’t going to order anything because I still wasn’t sure how this was going to go and I didn’t want to have to feel like I had to stay there while he was eating.

He ended up not getting food and I am so grateful he didn’t because this date was just awful. I don’t even know how it started going wrong. The conversation was awkward as it sometimes is when you meet someone new, so I asked about what he did since that is usually a safe topic. Turns out he doesn’t work. He was a bit vague about how he pays for things, but I think he lives off of family money. And he seemed to be surprised that I had to work to make money. I don’t know why that is so surprising, but he also wasn’t American so I thought maybe he mixed up some words and said it wrong so I didn’t let it affect me too much.

Since he didn’t have work to talk about, I asked him what he did for fun. He had a long list of stereotypical LA things to say like yoga, go to the beach, swim, hike, self-improvement, cook, and be outside. Everything was generic and not much that I could connect to or start more of a conversation about. Finally, he mentioned reading and I could talk to him about that. So I asked what he reads and he said that he only reads things that will benefit him and that would be self-improvement or self-help. I then asked if he ever reads for fun and he almost laughed at the idea of that.

I said how I read for fun and he said something about how I needed to entertain myself by reading. That just made me made. I don’t have to entertain myself by reading. I love to read. I get so much pleasure out of it, and he made it seem like I needed it to not do something destructive or harmful. It was so annoying.

At this point, I was debating about just getting up and leaving because there was clearly no connection and this was not going to go anywhere and he asked me what I was thinking. The implication was if I wanted to go home with him. I couldn’t believe that he thought that things were going well! This wasn’t the worst date I had been on, but it was not good at all. I said that I didn’t feel the connection but I was glad that we met so we could at least see. You never know if you click with someone until you meet.

He didn’t seem to understand why I didn’t agree that there wasn’t a connection. He brought up that he likes big girls so I should want to be with him. He had no way of knowing that is one of my biggest pet peeves. I do not want to be with a guy that wants to be with a big girl because hopefully, I will not be this size my entire life. I want someone who wants to be with me for me and is attracted to me no matter my size. Someone who is attracted to big girls might stop being attracted to me when I lose weight (I’ve had it happen to me before). This guy seemed to think that because he was willing to be with me, I should be grateful and be with him. But I am not that type of girl.

We got up to leave (thank you again to the staff at Wood & Vine for helping make it a quick exit) and this guy still couldn’t get it in his head that I wasn’t interested and that it wasn’t going further. We were on the street and he kept bugging me to tell him why I didn’t want to continue this. Finally, I was tired of him bugging me and wanted him to leave me alone so I said I would tell him the truth. I said that I felt like he was a pompous asshole and a douchebag. I’m still a bit shocked that I said that to someone, but he deserved it and it felt good to be honest.

It might not have been the smartest move to say that because he didn’t take that well and he wanted to know why I felt that. He ended up saying I had no right to feel the way I felt and that I had to feel the way he said I should feel. It was ridiculous. And there was a small crowd starting to watch this happen which was odd and I just was ready to get out of there. The guy stormed off when I wouldn’t back down and agree with him that I wasn’t allowed to have my own emotions and I went back toward where my car was but waited off to the side before going to my car because I wanted to make sure he wasn’t following me or watching me.

And of course, I blocked and reported him on the dating app before I got to my car.

When I was driving home, I called my friend Dani and was shaking and crying. I don’t know why I was having that reaction because I wasn’t necessarily upset over what happened. I think it was more about the adreneline because I was so close to punching this guy. I’m glad I didn’t hit him because that wouldn’t have been wrong. But I am glad I said what I said even though it was not something I would normally do.

Maybe this guy is used to being with girls who look like me that will tolerate anything and will accept whatever comes their way. I was never that way, but I also know that I did tolerate more in the past than I do now. I don’t think I would have stood up for myself quite as much as I did this time if this happened a year ago. I wouldn’t have gone home with this guy or had a second date, but I probably would have played it off and just unmatched him later. I wouldn’t have told him that I had no interest in seeing him again. But now, I have found new confidence and power and have realized that I have the right to get what I want and not be embarrassed by that. And if I am treated in a way that I don’t deserve, I don’t have to stay quiet and take that.

I’m sure this guy will just be back on the app looking for another girl he can treat this way hoping that she will put up with it. But maybe in the back of his mind, he will think twice or have a little hesitation after I stood up to him and he realized that he can’t get away with it.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailAdventures In Online Dating (or My Luck Might Be Changing) Default ThumbnailNot Sure What This Guy Was Thinking (or When Being A Rule Breaker Doesn’t Pay Off) Default ThumbnailWorking On Some Second Chances (or Trying To Stay Open Minded) Default ThumbnailIgnoring The Voices In My Head (or Not Letting Dates Get Me Down) Default ThumbnailMore Thoughts On Online Dating (or Not Letting My Past Dictate My Future) Default ThumbnailRowing Adventures (or A Funny Workout Injury)

Comments Off on Standing Up For Myself (or A Bad But Funny Date Story)

Posted in Dating, Fun Stuff

Tagged ,

Yet Another Book Rewrite (or Letting My Blog Posts Inspire Me)

Posted on June 11, 2019 | Comments Off on Yet Another Book Rewrite (or Letting My Blog Posts Inspire Me)

I’ve written several times about the book I’ve been working on about online dating. I’ve also written about how I’ve worked on different versions because I wasn’t sure if what I had previously done was right.  I started with the book in 3 sections: guys I’ve gone out with that were decent people, guys that were horrible people whether or not I met them in real life, and the cheaters I caught. Then I decided I wanted to change that up and write the book chronologically because some of the stories only made sense when it was put into the proper timeline. I’ve been going back and forth on those two versions for a while and I never was 100% sure it was right.

I was so conflicted on which version I wanted that I had to stop working on it for a bit. Then I was inspired to work on a novel inspired by online dating (but it would be a work of fiction). I haven’t done much with the novel except doing a brief outline of what the plot points would be along with a few style ideas which are needed because of the idea I have with that book. I’m not feeling a huge push to work on it and I think I’ll probably use it for NaNoWriMo this year. I think working on a piece of fiction would be easier than something that is about my real life because I don’t have to wait to figure out what will happen next. I can make it up and I don’t have to depend on having more dates.

And I think waiting is one of the reasons I’ve been struggling with my original online dating book. I have said since I started it that I didn’t know how it would end. I would love it to end with the story of the guy I end up with, but I have no idea when that will happen and I don’t love the idea that the story needs to end like that. Not everything has to end with a happy ending and I want it to accurately represent where I am in life. Maybe when I finally finish it I will be with my forever person, but if I’m not I don’t want to feel like things are incomplete.

I stopped working on that book a little while ago although I have been adding notes about stories I wanted to include. But I haven’t felt the motivation to work because of the fear that until I know the ending that I can’t work on it. But I have inspired a little bit ago about yet another version of what this book could be and it finally doesn’t seem to require a real ending. And the inspiration kind of came from the blog posts I write about online dating.

Sometimes I do write general online dating posts on here and funny stories. But I also write about lessons that I’ve learned from the various dates and experiences I’ve had. And while I feel like the crazy stories are fun and entertaining, the lessons I’ve learned are probably so much more important. I’ve discovered so much about myself through these dating experiences. I’ve learned what I want, what I’m willing to tolerate, what I deserve, and what I believe. I know that dating isn’t always like this for people, but for me it really has been a journey in self-discovery. Even in the moments of pain and when someone breaks my heart, I am able to learn something from that experience and I want to believe that I am a better person because of those lessons.

Not every guy I was writing about in previous versions of my book are life lessons, but many of them are. Some of the guys can be grouped into one lesson and some guys have multiple lessons. But I feel like there is a great way to organize these lessons where it doesn’t require a specific pattern or even a conclusion. They can just be a collection of stories and what I learned about myself and it doesn’t need me to have a story that is about how I fell in love, got married, and had my happily ever after. It would be great to have that story, but that’s not what I feel this book needs to be about. It’s not about how I met my perfect guy, it’s about my experience dating. And having it about the lessons allows me to focus on that instead of the overall journey.

I’ve only started working on this new version, so I don’t have much done. But just getting the lessons down and connecting which guys represent which story has given me a lot of clarity about what this book could be. And I have shared the idea with a few friends and I think they agree that this is a better idea if I want to possibly publish the book. The funny and crazy stories might only connect with people who know me in real life. But life lessons should be able to connect with those outside my social circle and might be something that others would be interested in reading.

I know I have written before how I feel like I finally found what this book should be and I keep changing it. But I do feel like this is a bit different. I almost have a sense of relief and peace with the idea and feel less pressure that I don’t have to rely on what dates may happen in the future to figure out if the book is done. And even if I change things up again and decide that this is not the right version, I think this will actually benefit me quite a bit. There are still some situations I’ve been in where I haven’t figured out the lesson just yet. This will force me to look at what happened and try to see what I can learn. And those new lessons will just keep helping me become the best version of myself.

Hopefully one day this book is done and I can share it with the world. I know my dating experience isn’t necessarily the most unique, but there are people who haven’t gone through what I have gone through and I’d love to be able to share what I have learned and what I know with them.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailA NaNoWriMo Update (or Maybe I Need More Dates) Default ThumbnailNot Sure How I Did With My Last Monthly Challenge (or Another Attempt At NaNoWriMo) Default ThumbnailI Might Write A Book (or The Bumble Avenger) Default ThumbnailNaNoWriMo Take 2 (or Still Working On The Same Book) Default ThumbnailContinuing To Work On My Book (or I Wonder How Many Versions I’ll Have Before I Finish It) Default ThumbnailIgnoring The Voices In My Head (or Not Letting Dates Get Me Down)

Comments Off on Yet Another Book Rewrite (or Letting My Blog Posts Inspire Me)

Posted in Dating

Tagged , , ,

Another Dating App Ban (or This Is What Makes Me Over Things)

Posted on May 14, 2019 | Comments Off on Another Dating App Ban (or This Is What Makes Me Over Things)

Pretty much since I started online dating again, I’ve had friends ask me if I was sick of it or over the dating app thing. When I started, I answer was honestly that I was not because it was still all exciting and new to me. I hadn’t used dating apps in a while before starting up about 2 years ago and apps were very different from what I experienced before.

As time went on, the same questions came up and I was still not really over it. I had some pretty negative experiences but the positive ones still outweighed them. I wasn’t even getting frustrated with being ghosted because I think the novelty of everything was still there. Once I started working on my book, I think that helped me stay in that same mindset. All the moments that probably would have made someone else want to delete their apps became awesome stories for my book. I think having that book in mind really has helped me keep my sanity in what should be an overwhelming and potentially negative situation.

There have been plenty of things that have made me very angry with online dating. But I’ve realized most of them were situations I had happen multiple times and the first few times they were funny. The more often they happened the more annoying they became. And I experienced one of those this past weekend.

I was going on Tinder to go through my matches and message some of the guys I had been texting with. I was trying to make plans to meet for coffee with a guy so I wanted to get things planned out and ready for that evening. But when I went to the app, I got this screen.

This isn’t the first time I have been banned from Tinder. It happened after I called out a married guy on there a while ago. I know that he had to have reported me for something because right after I mentioned him being married I got banned. I’m guessing he reported me for harassment or something and then I got banned. I did some research into how to get banned and multiple guys have to report you. So maybe all the married guys I called out reported me or maybe random guys randomly reported me because they didn’t like what I was saying. It made me wonder if Tinder actually reviews these reports or not because I know I didn’t do anything wrong.

When it happened before, I immediately reached out to Tinder for an answer and all they would tell me is that I violated the terms of the app. I read those terms multiple times and I still have no clue what I did wrong. But there was no fighting it because they refused to help me. I did open a new account so I could get back online, but I lost all the matches I had on that first account.

When this happened again, it was a complete shock. The only messages I had been sending were to find out what part of LA guys lived in or to find out their schedule. There was definitely nothing I did in a message that was against the rules. I had also recently had a date with a guy that I didn’t want to see again, but nothing was said in the app or in person that would have been something I could get banned for. Tinder has not been responding to my messages trying to find out what happened and it’s so frustrating.

Having something happen like this has made me feel more over online dating than anything else. I had been putting in work to try to meet guys on the app and it was taken away with no explanation and no way to reach out to guys I was speaking to. It’s so frustrating that if I was to go back onto Tinder that I would be starting over again. I know a fresh start can be a good thing, but not when you didn’t want to have one. I felt like I had been making progress and now I’m back to the beginning.

I still have other apps that I’m on so I’m not leaving online dating, but it has made me wonder how much longer I could do this if there is a risk of this happening again. Fortunately with the apps I’m still using I know the employees review any reports and I know I’m not breaking any rules. So if guys were falsely reporting me for something, hopefully my profile wouldn’t be removed. And I am still having fun dating and I don’t know of ways to meet guys in person so I am motivated to keep going. But having a moment like this is a reminder of the fine line I’m balancing between having fun on the apps and being over them.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailGetting Banned From Tinder (or No Regrets Calling Out A Cheater) Default ThumbnailDoing Some More Dating Reflection (or It’s Been An Interesting Year) Default ThumbnailWorking On Rejection (or Why Can’t Dating Be Like Acting) Default ThumbnailDating Life Update (or I Guess I’m Lucky I’m Still Seeing Humor In This) Default ThumbnailAdventures In Online Dating (or My Luck Might Be Changing) Default ThumbnailDating And Disneyland (or Not My Post-It Day)

Comments Off on Another Dating App Ban (or This Is What Makes Me Over Things)

Posted in Dating

Tagged ,