Tag Archives: medication

Another Therapist Check In (or Showing Off My Happiness Checklist)

Posted on July 23, 2015 | 5 comments

I had another appointment with my therapist this week. Last time I was there, he gave me homework to do over the next 90 days (the number of days between my appointments). I was to make a checklist of 10 things that make me happy and track how many I do each day. The goal wasn’t to do all 10 every day (I don’t think I ever did that), but it was to try to make sure that I at least do some every day.

I did this for 90 days (my appointment ended up being on day 89 so I finished it the day after my appointment). And my checklist looked pretty full.

Old Happiness Checklist

I brought my (almost) completed checklist with me to my appointment to show my doctor. It was the first thing we discussed and honestly I think he was pretty surprised that I did it. He said that many patients start one and only keep it up for a couple of days and others never actually do it. But I wanted to prove that I’m taking this seriously and I’m not just going to therapy to get medication (although that is what started this process).

He told me to continue my checklist for the next 60 days (again, it’s the length of time between my appointments). I had to make a new checklist and I was allowed to keep any or all of the previously happiness items on the list. I decided to keep all but one of them. I changed shopping/beauty because while that does make me happy, my financial situation prevents me from doing it as often as I’d like. Nothing else on my list is restricted by money so I figured that that one was meant to go. In place of shopping/beauty I put binge free day. It’s a bit controversial that I listed lack of eating disorder symptoms as something that makes me happy, but hopefully my therapist will be ok with this.

New Happiness Checklist

After going over my checklist, we discussed how I was doing on Vyvanse. I’ve been very torn about the medication. It has helped a tiny bit (I’d say I’ve had many a 5% improvement) but I don’t want to take something if it isn’t making a significant change in my life. There are side effects that can be dangerous and I want to be in a place where the benefits outweigh the side effects.

My therapist seemed to understand my feelings and how I don’t want to give up on Vyvanse but I don’t know if continuing to take it is the right choice. So we are going to try changing up my dosage to see if that helps. I’m now going to take one pill in the morning and another pill right before lunch time. I just started this yesterday so I have no idea yet how it will really affect me or if it’s going to work a lot better. But I am very hopeful. I have to be since I know that many things can be affected if you are positive or not. So I’m going to remain positive about this and give it the best shot I can.

My therapist said that the best plan is to take the medication and forget about it. I shouldn’t make it the focus of my day (I wonder how he feels about me writing an entire blog post about it?). So if I’m supposed to forget about the medication, I’m going to focus on the happiness checklist and seeing how much I can get checked off in the next 60 days.

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Default ThumbnailUpdate On My Checklist (or Working On Being Happy) Default ThumbnailFollowing My Doctor’s Instructions (or Days Off From Vyvanse) Default ThumbnailAn Easy Therapist Check-In (or Virtual Appointments Make Things Easier) Default ThumbnailOver A Month On Vyvanse (or A Meeting With My Therapist) Default ThumbnailJust A Little Bit More Reflection (or Evaluating My Happiness Checklist) Default ThumbnailAnother Therapy Check In (or Someone Sees Progress)

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Surviving The Dentist (or Testing My Panic Meds)

Posted on May 5, 2015 | 2 comments

Yesterday I had a cleaning at the dentist. For most people, a cleaning isn’t a big deal. But as I’ve said before, I have horrible panic attacks at the dentist due to a bad experience several years ago.

Normally, I take my panic meds and things go as well as they can. I still have issues, even at cleanings. But it’s more manageable and I’m able to move on to my day quickly after leaving the dentist (in the past, I’d need hours to decompress from it and get the stress out of my body). I’ve been taking my panic meds at the dentist for years and it has made such a huge difference.

But now that I’m on Vyvanse, things are very different. Vyvanse is a stimulant and my panic meds are a depressant. Those counterbalance each other out. I’ve been warned to not take any depressant meds while on Vyvanse since it is almost like wasting the Vyvanse for that day. So I’ve been off of my strong painkillers since starting it (since those are depressants). But I could not imagine going to the dentist without my panic meds so I figured that it was in my best interest to take them and hope for the best.

I stood outside of the dentist’s door for minutes while I tried to get my heart rate under control. I have no clue if the racing heart rate was due to the stimulant of Vyvanse of my panic.

Dentist Office

When I finally got inside, I did warn the dental hygienist about the situation. She hasn’t really ever seen how bad it can get because the entire time she’s been my hygienist, I’ve taken my meds before any dental procedures.

It was not an easy cleaning to get through. I was sweating like crazy (thank goodness I was wearing quick-dry workout clothes) and I couldn’t stop shaking. The shaking was so bad that the chair was shaking underneath me. Fortunately, that didn’t affect the cleaning and my hygienist was able to get through things quickly.

She even said that I didn’t seem any worse than I usually do. So that’s reassuring.

There is no question in my mind that the Vyvanse makes my panic meds less effective. I’m sure that the panic meds also make the Vyvanse less effective. But since I don’t think that medication is being that effective to begin with, I didn’t really feel a difference. Knowing that my panic meds are as effective does make me a bit nervous. I’m not as stressed out for known panic situations (like the dentist or flying), but I’m worried how things will be when I have an unexpected and severe panic attack.

I haven’t had a severe panic attack since starting the Vyvanse and I hope that it stays that way. I don’t want to know what it will be like with a severe panic attack. But if one happens, I guess I will just have to get through it.

But at least for now, I know that I can get through the dentist. It isn’t easy, but it’s possible.

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Default ThumbnailAnother Dentist Visit (or Panicking About Panicking) Default ThumbnailLess Panic At The Dentist (or Am I Finally Over This?) Default ThumbnailSurviving At The Dentist (or When Will I Grow Out Of My Fear) Default ThumbnailAnother Year Another Dentist Panic (or One Medications Overriding Another) Default ThumbnailStaying Calm With Changes (or Testing My Fear Of The Dentist) Default ThumbnailI’ve Got Writer’s Block (or I Might Have Taken Too Many Pain Meds)

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Over A Month On Vyvanse (or A Meeting With My Therapist)

Posted on April 23, 2015 | 3 comments

I had an appointment with my therapist this week to discuss how I’ve been doing on Vyvanse. Honestly, I went into the appointment thinking that I would probably be stopping the medication.

While almost all the side effects I experienced the first few days have ended (racing heart rate, shaking, intestinal issues), I started to experience some new side effects in the past few weeks. Mainly, losing more hair that usual.

Now, I have no clue if this is due to the medication. I was diagnosed with alopecia when I was 14. Then, I had two pretty large bald spots behind my ears. I did injections and my hair grew back. But every so often I get new bald spots (and usually they grow back on their own). But now, I’m losing my hair on my head all over and there aren’t any visible bald spots. And when I looked up side effects of Vyvanse, hair loss is one. There’s no real way to prove what causes my hair loss (even with it being caused by the alopecia), but if there is something that I am doing in my life that is causing it, I don’t want to keep doing that.

So when I went into the appointment I figured it was the end of my journey with Vyvanse. It hasn’t really been helping with my binge eating episodes. I do experience reduced hunger at times, but it’s not what I was expecting or hoping. I had felt such a great lack of hunger and disinterest in food for the first few days, and now that that feeling is gone I’m a little sad. I wished that that would be how I feel every day.

I went over all of my side effects and concerns with the therapist. We both agreed that increasing the dosage would not be a smart idea. If it did help with the hunger/binge issues it might also make any side effects worse. And it’s really an unknown right now if the Vyvanse is causing the hair loss or if it is the alopecia/stress.

So right now, the plan is to continue the dosage that I’m on right now. As far as not feeling like the medication is effective, my therapist explained that everyone feels that instant “cure” when they start the medication. The receptors in your brain aren’t expecting what the medication does, so it goes into overdrive. But once your brain gets used to it, it feels like it isn’t as effective. But that’s where things can get scary.

Some people will tell their doctors how great they felt right away and then the feeling went away. So some doctors will increase the dosage. The patient will have those few days of awesomeness again and then that will go away. So the dosage is increased again. There is a limit to how much of this medication you can take each day, and you don’t want to get to the maximum dosage if you don’t have to. So the plan is for me to stay on my current dosage for 3 more months and then we will reevaluate. If my doctor feels then that I should have a higher dosage, we will increase it. But for now, he wants to see what happens over the next 90 days. And he and I will meet again after those 90 days to discuss things again.

My therapist also wants me to track how often I’m doing the things that make me happy every day. He feels (and I agree) that the best way to stay on top of my eating disorder is to not try to get rid of the binge episodes but to make sure that I’m doing things that make me happy every day. Eventually, my time will be focused on those happy things and not on bingeing.

I’m going to work on making a chart of my happy things (he wants me to come up with 10) this week and start tracking them either on Sunday or Monday (I’m going to make my chart a calendar so I can look back at each day easily). I’m hoping that if I make an effort every day to include these happy things that I will almost “forget” to binge.

I’m not sure if that will work, but it’s worth a try. And hopefully the next 3 months on Vyvanse will go smoothly and anything that I think might be a side effect will go away soon. But as always, I’m trying to stay positive and hope for the best.

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Default ThumbnailA Quick Vyvanse Update (or I Guess Forgetting Helps Time Pass) Default Thumbnail1 Week On Vyvanse (or Hoping To Answer Some Questions) Default ThumbnailAnother Therapist Check In (or Showing Off My Happiness Checklist) Default ThumbnailFollowing My Doctor’s Instructions (or Days Off From Vyvanse) Default ThumbnailAn Easy Therapist Check-In (or Virtual Appointments Make Things Easier) Default ThumbnailA Year On Vyvanse (or Help Is Expensive)

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No More Late Nights? (or Is My New Medication Making Me A Party Pooper?)

Posted on March 31, 2015 | Comments Off on No More Late Nights? (or Is My New Medication Making Me A Party Pooper?)

I’ve been taking my new medication for a little while now. My heart rate is almost back to where it used to be (even in workouts) and all the other side effects that I was feeling are gone.

But I still don’t feel totally back to normal now. And it seems to be only affecting me at nighttime.

This past week I had been going to bed earlier than usual, but I didn’t think much of it. I’ve been dealing with a cold or allergies lately and whenever my body is fighting something like that it needs more sleep.

Then on Saturday, my day started pretty normally. I worked my morning shift and then went to a workout. After I got showered and changed, I was supposed to head out to Chris and Marie‘s house for another party (seriously, they are the best party hosts ever!).

I got to the party around 4pm and was feeling fine at first. But I was starting to feel a bit worn down. I thought maybe I was hungry so I ate some food, but I was still feeling off.

I decided that it wasn’t worth it to me to stay out super late so I set a goal that I was going to stay until at least 9pm. But by 8pm, I was starting to feel so exhausted that I worried about how safe I would feel driving home in another hour.

I ended up leaving just before 9pm and as soon as I got home I fell asleep.

Maybe I’m still dealing with this cold/allergies thing, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s the medication. I’ve looked it up online and the medication is a time release medication that is typically out of your system about 12-14 hours after you take it. On Saturdays, since I have an early shift at work, I take my medication no later than 7am. So to be exhausted by 7pm makes sense.

I know that I’m still in the testing/trial phase of the medication. Things still need to be adjusted for me if I’m going to stay on it long-term (which I don’t know if I will). I see my doctor in just under 3 weeks from now and I know that this exhaustion thing will be something I mention if it continues.

I don’t want to put the blame on the medication, but it’s really the only thing that has changed in my life (except for the heat in LA lately). I can’t figure out what else might be causing this. And while I’m not normally a night-owl, I do like to be able to go and hang out with my friends in the evening. Hopefully when I speak to my doctor, something can be adjusted with this so that I will be able to do that again.

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Default ThumbnailBeing As Honest As Possible (or Making People Feel Awkward) Default ThumbnailSeeing My Heart Rate Spike (or What It’s Like Working Out On The New Medication) Default ThumbnailMy Medication Routines (or Feeling Like An Old Lady) Default ThumbnailA Planned 3 Workout Week (or Medication and Workouts) Default ThumbnailGuess Stopping The Medication Was The Right Choice (or Maybe I Should Have Read More Into The Side Effects) Default ThumbnailOpening Night Party (or Getting To Be A Party Hostess)

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1 Week On Vyvanse (or Hoping To Answer Some Questions)

Posted on March 20, 2015 | 4 comments

I’ve been on Vyvanse for a week now. Since I’ve been so open about both my eating disorder and being put on this medication, I’ve gotten a lot of questions about it.

First of all, Vyvanse is an ADHD drug that the FDA approved for people with moderate to severe binge eating disorders. I’ve heard for years how ADD and ADHD medications have helped with my type of eating disorder, but the rule with my health insurance is that my prescription coverage doesn’t cover prescriptions that are being used for something that the FDA hasn’t approved it for yet. So while I wanted to try some other options, this is the only one that my insurance will cover.

To get prescribed this medication, first you have to be diagnosed with a binge eating disorder. I was first formally diagnosed with it even before it was a recognized eating disorder by my hospital. Since there really weren’t any treatment options at my hospital (they were going to consider me a non-purging bulimic), I went elsewhere for therapy. This included the RFO program which did have group therapy. I had to be re-diagnosed with a binge eating disorder to get the prescription.

This is not a weight loss drug. I know that those are out there, but I wasn’t looking for that. This medication helps to reduce the number of binge eating episodes that I have. To me, that is way more powerful than a weight loss medication.

And yes, I have felt some side effects. I had a racing heart pretty much the entire first few days. But now, that is gone. I also had issues with shaking hands, but that is also pretty much gone (that sometimes comes back when I work out). Beyond the first two days, almost all the side effects have stopped. The only side effect that I’ve felt every day is a little dizziness for brief amounts of time (maybe less than a minute) a few times a day. It feels very similar to vertigo (which I have so maybe that is what the dizziness issue is).

I’ve had a lot of people ask me how it’s going so far. Well, I’ve been on the medication for a week. And I’m taking less than half of what the dosage usually was for patients with binge eating disorders. I’m even taking less than the recommended starting dosage. I’m not sure why my doctor did it this way, but I will be meeting with him in just about a month to reevaluate (and I’m sure to up my dosage if I’d like to continue taking it). It’s hard to tell how much it’s working right now. I have had moments where I have no appetite, and I know that is something that this is supposed to do. But it has not reduced my binge eating episodes down as much as many of the trials stated it did for those patients. Again, this might be due to the low dosage that I’m on.

My plan going forward is to continue taking the medication and evaluating if a higher dosage would give me better results when I meet with my doctor next month. That’s it. I can’t really do much more than that. I’ve been warned that it can take several months to figure out if a medication is right for me and what dosage I need to be on. I just have to be patient and see.

If you have any questions about Vyvanse (I’m not paid to talk about it, just sharing my experiences with you all), let me know. I’m happy to help answer what I can. It makes me so happy that by me allowing myself to be open and share this with the world that others feel comfortable enough confiding in me. If I get nothing else out of this medication, I will know that I might have helped at least one person be less ashamed about their eating disorder.

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Default ThumbnailIn Person Therapy (or Changing Some Things Up) Default ThumbnailAnother Therapist Check In (or Showing Off My Happiness Checklist) Default ThumbnailBinge Eating In The Media (or More Help Might Be On The Way) Default ThumbnailOver A Month On Vyvanse (or A Meeting With My Therapist) Default ThumbnailA Year On Vyvanse (or Help Is Expensive) Default ThumbnailFollowing My Doctor’s Instructions (or Days Off From Vyvanse)

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