Tag Archives: isolation

Friends Are The Best Mood Booster (or The Difference A Day Makes)

Posted on June 19, 2020 | Comments Off on Friends Are The Best Mood Booster (or The Difference A Day Makes)

My post yesterday was definitely a bit of a downer. As I said, I usually have good days but I have had some bad days too. I heard something on a podcast about how most people are experiencing some signs of depression these days, and I don’t doubt it. I think a lot of my exhaustion is related to dealing with a bit of depression. It’s not bad enough that I am worried about my health or safety and my therapist has said that she doesn’t think I need to be on medication for it as this is not my usual mindset. But it’s something to be aware of.

And part of being aware of it is working on coming out of the funk. Usually, that’s more in my control because I have options of what I can do. But now, I really don’t have the opportunity to go out and feel better. And I can’t really go out to see my friends.

But just because I can’t go out to see my friends, I can still be social with my friends. It’s just in a different way. I have been doing Zoom hangouts, but those can be overwhelming and there is such a thing as Zoom Fatigue (which is the idea of having so much anxiety because you don’t know if someone is watching you or not). So I’ve been trying to have more phone calls (without a video element) with my friends.

When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time on the phone with friends. We did have internet and AOL messenger was a big deal, but I spent way more time on the phone than I did online. I had my own phone line during high school, so I was able to be on the phone without kicking other people in my family off the phone (or off the internet since AOL went through the phone line). I’m sure I did some phone calls in college too, but I know I was doing a lot more texting then. And now, I rarely make phone calls. I call family, but I text a lot more often. And there are lots of friends that I almost never call but wouldn’t think twice about texting.

But texting isn’t enough for me right now, so I’ve been doing a lot more phone time. Even if I’m talking to a friend and just venting and ranting to them, it really helps. Of course, I am happy to do the same for any of my friends and I have been the sounding board for many of them. We all need to be heard these days and I’m so glad I can be there for my friends when they need it and that they are there for me.

I’ve had a lot of phone calls recently with my friends. Some of them are not totally social calls, but we still get some friendly chatting in while doing work too. I’ve been busy getting things organized with the livestreams I have been doing for my slate lately, and my co-creator is my friend Amir. So when we have to be on the phone together dozens of times a day (or for a long hour or two calls), even though we are working for a lot of it, we do get silly too. I’ve had a few other work and union-related calls that turn into silliness, which helps to break up my day.

And even though these are technically just texting or messaging, having regular Netflix Parties with friends helps too. I think it’s the idea of having a communal experience with others. I know that those friends in the party with me are watching the same thing at the same time as I am. We do message about things about the movie or tv show we are watching (like when something crazy happens or when we love an outfit), but a lot of what we talk about in Netflix Party has nothing to do with what we are watching. We talk about stuff happening in our lives and if someone is struggling we are there to support them. It’s crazy how much support I get out of the group because technically I’ve never met any of the friends who are in it with me. We are all just in a Facebook group together. We have created a bond in that group and the smaller group that does the Netflix Party has an even stronger bond. I know if I needed something that I could reach out to any of them and they would be there for me.

I’ve also had some phone call dates recently. While those don’t help me as much as calls with my friends all the time because sometimes the guys I’m talking to aren’t the best, it’s something. And I’m not staying on bad calls or on calls with guys I don’t see myself dating just to be on the phone. If I’m spending time on the phone with someone, it’s because I want to talk to them. And I do hope that in the future those calls turn into real dates (socially distanced or not). But I am aware that some people are just looking to talk to someone and it might not go the way I would hope it would go. But when I’ve been messaging with guys before when I could go out on dates, I would have the same issue. So finding people who have no intentions beyond virtual hangouts isn’t a new issue.

It’s not always easy to plan or schedule calls for when I’m in a bad mood. And I can’t exactly plan when those bad moods will happen so I can’t figure things out ahead of time. And when I’m in a funk, I don’t always reach out to others. I know that I need to, but it’s not easy. I am lucky that I have people in my life that reach out to me just to check-in, so that is good. And if I try to have a somewhat regular schedule of when I talk to people, hopefully that helps to keep my mood a bit better and more even. And there is a chance that by the time I figure out how to do all this that things will be normal again and I won’t need to worry about it as much. But it’s always good to have a plan in your life when you aren’t doing so great.

Even though I really don’t have many plans for the weekend, I am looking forward to it and seeing what I am able to get done. I don’t have any crazy projects that I’m working on, but I’m sure I’ll find something to do and I’ll hopefully be a bit busy. And I know I have a Netflix Party on Saturday and that is always a highlight of my weekend.

I hope that all of you are doing ok. This is not an easy time for anyone. I know it’s not easy to reach out if you are struggling, but if you can please do so. People are more than willing to help and listen. And just having a friend there for you can make such a difference.

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I Keep Hitting Little Moments Of Writer’s Block (or Not Sure What To Say)

Posted on June 18, 2020 | Comments Off on I Keep Hitting Little Moments Of Writer’s Block (or Not Sure What To Say)

3 months ago, I wasn’t sure what I’d be able to do with this blog. I questioned if I would be able to maintain my normal posting schedule if I was isolated and not doing much. I didn’t know if my life would be interesting. I didn’t know if I would feel motivated to keep writing. And it has been a journey with trying to keep this up.

I think I have found the motivation to keep writing because it’s one of the only things in my life that hasn’t changed because of the pandemic. I am not writing at the same time I did before the pandemic, but there isn’t much that has changed about blogging besides maybe having more options for when I write. I still am doing my workout posts, even if they aren’t really recaps about my workouts and more about how I’m adjusting to working out at home. I don’t have much to write about that is outside my house since I’m not going outside. My posts are much more about mental health or things about me and not about fun things I am experiencing. I do prefer the types of posts I can write when I am able to go out and do things, but this isn’t the worst trade-off.

But the issue that does still hit me from time to time is what to write about. Sometimes things do come up so I have an idea about what to write. And sometimes, like right now, I have no clue what to write about. Nothing has really happened this week for me. I have had a few days where I wasn’t doing as great as I have been, but I got out of that funk. I’m not doing much with my days and I don’t know what I can do to change that. I am trying to find a purpose and be productive, but my options are really limited.

I don’t feel like there is much change from day to day. I have some days that I do a workout in the morning and some days that I work in the morning. Beyond that, there is much variety in my life. And without variety, there isn’t much to write about.

I do still want to write every day, even if I don’t know what to write about. I’ve hit these moments of writer’s block more than once during the past 3 months and I have always gotten over it. And I will get over this one too. I will have something to write about soon. I have a few things planned out over the next few weeks to write about, but I can’t write them yet as they are things that haven’t happened. But it is good to know that there are days coming up that I don’t have to worry about what to write about.

Sorry for not having an interesting post today. I really don’t know what to share. If there are things that you would like me to write about or if you want me to share what I have been reading and watching, let me know. I don’t know if anyone is interested in reading that, so if you let me know that you are then I will write those posts.

I’ll get over this writer’s block. I know it. But right now, it’s hitting me hard and all I really can think about writing about is how much I’m experiencing it. Hopefully, tomorrow I’ll have something better to share.

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What I’ve Done Over A Quarter Of A Year (or Feeling Ok With What I’ve Accomplished)

Posted on June 17, 2020 | Comments Off on What I’ve Done Over A Quarter Of A Year (or Feeling Ok With What I’ve Accomplished)

I’ve said this a few times already, but we have been doing isolation/quarantine for a quarter of a year now. When it all started, I know some people thought it would only be for 2 weeks, but I felt like it would be at least for a month. And if things were locked down more or cases were tracked and managed better, maybe we would have been in a better situation after a month. But things weren’t as strict as many they needed to be. And I know that if things were stricter, people would have been more upset. It can’t be easy to find the balance of protecting people but allowing them to not feel like they are trapped or not free. I wish that more places would require masks since that seems to be the way to manage this. But so many people are protesting against them (which I really don’t understand).

Even though things are reopening here, I really do fear that they will need to be shut down again or that more people will be getting sick and we will run out of hospital beds. That’s why I’m pretty much staying home all the time even though I don’t need to. I do have other reasons why I’m doing almost a full quarantine, but the main one is that I know that limiting my exposure to others is one thing I can do to manage the spread.

But being home almost 24/7 for 3 months hasn’t been easy. I’ve talked about the isolation and toll on my mental health it has taken. I’ve been working on finding ways to handle that and I do have more good days than I did before. But I do still have days that I struggle. I don’t worry too much about those bad days because I know I’m not alone in them. And when I’m feeling down, I do try to think of good things I have accomplished by being home.

Sadly, that list of things I have done is pretty short. I have done a lot of cleaning and reorganizing, but at the same time, I have spent money that I didn’t expect to spend. I know I’m saving money on other things so it should balance out, so that’s good. And I am happier with how things look in my house. Even though I haven’t changed much, it does feel like a refreshed home and that does make me feel like I’ve been able to make my home feel even more like me.

Another good thing I try to remind myself about is how I am cooking more. I have a few recipes that I feel very comfortable with that I don’t really need a recipe. I know what ingredients I need and I can put them together quickly. They aren’t anything fancy, but it does feel good that I know I can make a meal quickly and easily if I make sure I stock the things I need at home. I still want to branch out more with my cooking, but it’s much better than it was before.

I’ve also been working on trying to be better about what I am eating. I still am struggling and I’m not going to hide the fact that I have gained weight (the combination of not eating the best and also not working out as hard hasn’t been good for me). But I do want to try to pick healthier things when I can. And while I don’t avoid fruits and vegetables, I want to make sure I add more to my day. One way I’ve been doing that lately is making smoothies each morning.

I’ve had a good blender with an individual cup attachment for a while. But I just never used it that much. But I decided now is the time to do it. And the smoothies I’m making aren’t anything too crazy. I use a frozen banana, some fresh spinach (which I do freeze to keep it good longer), some Greek yogurt, almond milk, and peanut butter powder (I started with using real peanut butter, but the powder is healthier). So I’m getting in a serving of fruit and vegetables with each one plus some protein. They look just like any other green smoothie and they taste like one of my favorite smoothies from Jamba Juice.

I’m usually not a big breakfast person, but this is easier on my body to tolerate in the morning. I don’t know yet if this helps me enough with my food choices for the rest of the day, but I know it probably can’t hurt. The calorie count isn’t that high and it’s healthy. So I figure it’s a good thing to have most mornings and hopefully, it will have more benefits as I get used to having them.

I don’t feel like I’ve gotten much else done while staying home other than watching a lot of TV and reading a lot of books. I don’t feel as productive as I would like to, but I also know that the productivity that I had before isn’t necessarily feasible right now. I can’t compare myself now to what I was able to do last year since I don’t have the same options. So while I might not have done much over the past 3 months, I have stayed healthy. And I have gotten a few random things done or new potential habits started. And I should be grateful for those little things because they are victories for now.

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Trying To Plan Ahead (or Hopefully Things Will Normalize Soon)

Posted on June 10, 2020 | Comments Off on Trying To Plan Ahead (or Hopefully Things Will Normalize Soon)

Everything that I had planned for this spring got canceled pretty quickly once the pandemic started. I think I’m still in a bit of shock about how much I had to cancel and how fast it all happened. I was deleting stuff from my calendar when it started, but I just gave up because it was almost more overwhelming when I was constantly deleting stuff.

We are now about 3 months into this. That’s a quarter of the year where I rarely left my house. It feels like it has taken forever and flown by at the same time. And now as things are reopening, I’m trying to make some plans for things in the future but still be cautious and safe.

I’m not making plans for things in the next month or so. Maybe I’ll do something for the 4th of July, but I really don’t know. But that date feels like a line to me. I don’t want to make plans for things before the 4th. I know that it’s just a random date and it doesn’t necessarily mean that anything will be different or better by then. But it’s just something I have in my head now. Probably because there was a statement by the mayor saying that he felt that LA could be reopened by that date.

I really don’t have anything in my mind for this summer. I was supposed to go to Tahoe to spend time with my parents, but now I don’t know. Flying doesn’t seem like the safest thing to do right now, so I don’t want to fly. And it’s over 10 hours to drive there so I wouldn’t be driving. If things feel safer, maybe I’ll be able to go toward the end of the summer, but it’s very up in the air. And I haven’t even started to think about my birthday. I can’t imagine really celebrating my birthday now. If things are different in 2 months, maybe I’ll do something. But I just feel weird trying to plan something when I have no idea if we will be able to do anything in public.

In the fall, the only thing I was planning for was Thanksgiving. As far as I know, we are planning on being together as a family this year. But that also will require flying so I know it will need to be safe to be on a plane then. And with all the talk about a second wave, I worry that it won’t be ok. I know that I will be with some family no matter what, but I really hope that we will all be able to be together by November.

The only real plans for the future that I have made aren’t until the new year. I was supposed to see “Hamilton” last month with my parents. When that was canceled, we got a refund on our tickets. But we just found out that we had early access to buying tickets to some of the new dates that they added to the run. I believe the show was supposed to leave LA at the end of this year, but now they have dates through February (maybe past that, but I don’t remember seeing them). So I checked with my parents and we decided that we should get tickets and if they can’t do the show we would be refunded again. We ended up picking my dad’s birthday in January as the date we would go, and I’m hoping that we will be able to attend and that it will be safe.

And the only other plans I have are also related to musicals. I did renew my season tickets for the Pantages for the next season. But that season doesn’t start until the late spring next year. Some of the shows in that season have been canceled because they aren’t going on tour anymore, but there still is a season. And I’m excited about the shows that are scheduled. I just hope that no other shows are canceled. And at some point either later this year or at the beginning of next year, I should have the last few shows from this current season. There have been some shows that were canceled, but I believe we have 3 more that are being rescheduled. I guess those aren’t necessarily plans yet since I don’t know what the dates will be, but I’m counting them as future plans.

I know that soon I’ll feel more comfortable with making plans to do things again. Once I feel like things are safer, I need to have some things out with my friends. I’m done with being home alone and lonely. I need some social interaction. But I also don’t want to make plans that feel like they might need to be canceled because that is tough to deal with sometimes. It’s a weird mix of needed to have something to look forward to and not wanting to have to cancel things and be upset.

One day, I’m sure I’ll look back at this time and maybe laugh about how worried I was to make plans. For now, the uncertainty is really making it tough for me to make plans. But the few things that I have planned for are making me so happy and ready to be back to a more normal life.

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Hope And Health (or I Don’t Have The Motivation To Do A Bigger Challenge)

Posted on June 3, 2020 | Comments Off on Hope And Health (or I Don’t Have The Motivation To Do A Bigger Challenge)

When I was struggling to figure out monthly challenges in the past few years, I had no idea how tough it would be to plan them when I’m isolated at home. Even though many of my challenges don’t involve me leaving my house to do them, my motivation while isolated is nowhere near it normally is. I don’t feel the push to do a ton every day. Some of this is due to physical exhaustion and some of this is mental exhaustion. This isn’t an easy time for any of us, but I’m trying my best. I am working on being gentler and kinder with myself because it’s so easy to compare myself now to myself before. But we are living in a different time and that’s not a fair comparison.

Because of those factors, my monthly challenges lately haven’t been very intense. They have mainly been about taking care of myself. Last month, I challenged myself to stay hopeful. And for the most part, I think I did an ok job with that. I paid attention to the news to see how things were progressing with testing and cases in LA. The news was sounding better. Things were starting to be able to reopen. Even if I wasn’t going to go to places, I was hopeful that them being reopened was a good sign. And I was staying hopeful that we were through the worst of this wave (I still fear another wave in the fall, but that’s another issue).

But then at the end of the month, it became harder to be hopeful. Not because of the pandemic but because of police brutality. I was saddened to see those stories happen, but I tried to stay hopeful in amplifying the voices that needed to be heard and working on being a better ally. I wasn’t quite as hopeful as I was before, but I also became more aware of the racism and discrimination out there that I might have been blind to before. I found hope in seeing people taking action and learning how to take action myself. I am hopeful that one day, we will find a way to have systematic change with law enforcement and how people are treated. I am not hopeful that it will happen soon. It will take a lot of work and we cannot let up.

This month, my challenge is related a bit to wanting to be hopeful. I want to work on my health. This is about both my mental and physical health. For my physical health, I need to find ways to work out harder and I need to eat better. Those aren’t easy, but they can be done. And they are things that I have been working on for a long time.

But more importantly, I want to work on my mental health.

I am overwhelmed with everything going on in the world and it would be so easy to retreat and hide. But the more I learn about racism the more I know that I cannot use my mental health as an excuse to avoid hearing these stories. I need to find a purpose and actionable things to do whenever I hear stories of police brutality or racism. I need to find a way to not let these affect my mental health because I need to be a source of amplification of voices who may not have the same privilege that I do. I need to find a way to turn this activism into a positive thing for me and not an upsetting thing. This is a huge shift in my mindset, but I know it will be for the better. If these situations don’t make me run and hide but instead make me feel like I can help and seek ways to do so, I will be a better ally for so many people. I will likely be able to handle other stress in my life as well, but that is not my focus. My main focus is to turn the feeling of being overwhelmed or sad into the push to get to action.

I have already been working on this idea. Yesterday was Blackout Tuesday where we were not supposed to post on social media. Originally, I thought that meant we were supposed to stay off of social media and I was planning on doing that. It would be an easy way to avoid and hide from things. But my friends corrected me and said it was not about being silent but about sharing and amplifying the voices that should be heard right now. And that’s what I did. I found posts from leaders in the Black Lives Matter community and shared them. I took time to educate myself, find reading and watching lists, and followed new accounts that I know would continue to share information. I didn’t hide and avoid things because that would have been easier. I took in the information, which wasn’t always easy, and made sure to share it. And I feel like I felt better doing that than I would have if I didn’t.

Hopefully, I will be able to continue to strengthen and repair my body and mind this month. My mind is the priority to me because I know that being able to be focused and taking action is more time-sensitive. I know that it is needed now. And I am hoping that doing that will lead to other positive changes with my mindset and how I react to things that might be negative or upsetting. I want to be a voice of change and not a silent supporter.

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Driving Around For No Reason (or Finding Places That Make Me Happy)

Posted on May 29, 2020 | Comments Off on Driving Around For No Reason (or Finding Places That Make Me Happy)

Before the pandemic hit, I didn’t drive my car a lot. I did drive to my workouts and random things, but I didn’t have a long commute each day or put a lot of miles on my car. I add so little mileage each year on my car (typically around 8,000 miles a year) that my insurance needed proof because they didn’t believe I was driving so few miles. This is probably extra weird since I live in LA, where everything seems to require driving.

But since the pandemic hit, I have been driving even less. I don’t go to my workouts. I don’t meet up with friends or go out to do things. I have driven to Santa Barbara once and have done some random errands, but it’s still a fraction of what I used to do. I still am doing a lot of errands through deliveries (like groceries), so I’m not even going out to do that much. I can’t remember a time that I drove so infrequently since I got a driver’s license.

And with not driving that often, there is a new car-related issue that I have to keep in mind. I need to make sure that I don’t forget to drive every so often because I don’t want the battery to die. I know if it does die, I can call AAA and they can jump the battery, but I want to avoid needing to do that. I’m sure AAA has other issues to worry about that they should focus on, and I want to help limit the exposure the truck drivers have. I don’t necessarily want to test how long I can go without driving, so I’ve been looking online at how often I should drive. Most things say at least every 2-3 weeks. So I have tried to remember to drive at least once every other week. And if I am only driving to do a quick errand, I try to drive a little before the errand just to use my car a bit more.

This week, I was coming up on 2 weeks without driving my car. I didn’t have any errands that I had to drive to or anything that would require me needing to use my car. But I needed to drive to make sure the battery didn’t die. I had debated doing different things, but I couldn’t decide on where to go. Originally, I was thinking about driving to the beach again. But now that the beaches are open, I figured it would be harder to find parking. I realized if I tried to figure out where to go before I left, I probably would not get out that day. And since I wanted to get this task done, I didn’t want to put it off. So I just got in my car and started driving.

I drove the direction I often go to do different things. I had no plan in my head about where to go, but I just drove. I thought about maybe going to a fun neighborhood and looking at houses, but that didn’t seem like fun and I didn’t know how crowded some streets might be if everyone was parked (some streets aren’t really designed for people to be parked there plus driving). I thought maybe going to Hollywood to see how empty it looked by places I love, but that also felt a bit sad so I skipped that. Then I tried to think of places that make me happy and figured out a fun place to drive to.

I don’t have to go to my union’s national/local headquarters that often, but I do go there quite a bit. And the stuff that I’m able to do when I’m in that building does make me happy. I get to be a part of amazing things or watch the union in action. So driving to the union seemed to be the perfect place to go. Plus, it was a good distance for me to drive. Since there wasn’t a lot of traffic, I got there pretty quickly. I found some parking and decided to take a silly selfie to commemorate my random driving adventure.

And after taking the photo, I got back in my car and drove home. It was nice to see something familiar that makes me happy. I was a little sad thinking about all the things we haven’t been able to do because of this pandemic, but I was also reminded of the work we are doing so we can make sure we can get back to work as quickly as possible while still being safe. And knowing that my union is working hard for all of us is inspiring. When we are able to get back to work, I know we will all be grateful for what was done.

And hopefully, soon enough, I will be able to be back inside my union’s building and won’t just have to see if from afar.

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Weird Feelings About Reopening Things (or I Might Just Keep Staying Home)

Posted on May 28, 2020 | Comments Off on Weird Feelings About Reopening Things (or I Might Just Keep Staying Home)

Things are starting to reopen in LA slowly. First, they opened hiking trails and beaches. You had to be using them for active things (so no lounging on the beach) and they have closed down places where the people were not maintaining proper distance or wearing masks. Now, stores are able to allow customers inside instead of just having curbside pickup. And I know the city is working toward reopening hair salons and other beauty-related things, but to only do services that can be done with the client wearing a mask. The only reason this is happening is that the daily increase in cases has been getting smaller and smaller. And that is a good thing.

But honestly, the idea that the city is starting to reopen is stressing me out a bit. There is still no cure or treatment for COVID-19. Yes, fewer people are getting it and fewer people are dying. But that is likely due to people not being around others. What is going to happen when people are out and about more? I know that they will be limiting how many people can be together inside a building, but even if it’s only 2 people and one is an asymptomatic carrier that means the other person is exposed and can pass it on to others. I know we are doing a lot to try to minimize the risk, but the risk is still there.

I have no need to go out hiking or to the beach. I don’t need to go to stores to buy anything (I’ve just been taking advantage of delivery options but might also do curbside pick up if I need something). I am still planning home for at least a little while. Since we won’t know for about 2 weeks what will happen after reopening, I want to wait it out. Nothing right now is worth me risking my health. And I’m aware that I’m in a very fortunate position, but because I am fortunate I want to stay home to also keep things safer for those who cannot do that. If people start crowding stores just because they can, then the employees there are at a higher risk. If people only go if they really need to, those employees aren’t exposed to as many people and the chance they will get sick is lower. To me, it just seems right to stay home longer for the protection of others.

And when hair salons and other beauty things reopen, I do want to go but I don’t need to go. I’ve been putting things off for a while since the shutdown happened. I’m lucky that I was able to dye my hair at home to cover the grays. And I am due for some appointments, especially those that were supposed to happen during the shutdown, I feel the same way that I do with stores. I don’t want the employees there to be at a higher risk because they have to work and I don’t have to be there. There are so many things that haven’t been determined with beauty-related appointments since they have not been approved to reopen. Maybe the policies will help guide what I want to do more. But for now, I have the same uneasy feeling that I do with the stores opening and I probably will stay at home longer.

There are some things that I do need to go out to do in the near future. I was supposed to go to a dentist’s appointment last month when things were shut down. My dentist was technically open during the shutdown, but they were only seeing emergencies. They recently reopened and reached out to me to reschedule the appointment. I’m not trying to avoid the dentist, but I also don’t want to take the risk just yet until we know how the next few weeks go with appointments there. There is no way to keep a mask on when seeing the dentist, so I feel like there is jut a higher risk. When I do schedule my appointment, I’m going to try for the first appointment of the day since that will probably be when things are the cleanest.

I don’t want to live in fear because of this virus, but there are so many things that are uncertain right now. It doesn’t feel like we fixed anything just yet because there still are people getting sick. And while I understand why things are reopening, just because they are reopening doesn’t mean I have to go there. I do want to get out of my house and do things, but I also want to stay safe and healthy. Right now, I don’t know how to make that happen. But things have changed so rapidly before so maybe they will change rapidly the other direction if things get better. I just will have to wait and see.

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Default ThumbnailAt Home Hair (or I Haven’t Done This Since I Was A Teenager) Default ThumbnailLA Is Shut Down Again (or Somehow This Makes Me Feel Better) Default ThumbnailAn At-Home Labor Day (or The Unofficial End To A Weird Summer) Default ThumbnailTrying To Avoid Holiday Burnout (or Staying Home For Self-Care) Default ThumbnailCraving Social Interaction (or Staying Away And Staying Online) Default ThumbnailAlmost Getting My Lazy Birthday (or Staying In And Staying Busy)

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Virtual Memorial Day (or Doing The Best We Can For Now)

Posted on May 27, 2020 | Comments Off on Virtual Memorial Day (or Doing The Best We Can For Now)

Usually for Memorial Day weekend, I spend time with my friends at a BBQ. It’s usually a pretty low-key hangout, but it’s a great opportunity to see my friends and spend some time having fun. Typically, I haven’t seen that group of friends since the Oscar party, so I am excited to see them. The same group gets together and we all get along so well. And we all have the same type of friendship with each other that we can just pick up wherever we left off and it doesn’t matter how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other.

But this year, of course, things are different. I don’t know if I realized that this BBQ wouldn’t be happening until recently. Time is a weird thing during this pandemic and I didn’t realize Memorial Day was almost here. But once I did notice it on the calendar, I started to get a bit sad. When this all started. I doubt anyone thought it would last until Memorial Day. Now, they are hoping for reopening around the 4th of July, but I also know that can be changed and maybe it will last longer than that. But I also know that this is necessary to keep us all as healthy as possible.

I messaged my friend Marie to see if they were going to do anything virtual for Memorial Day, and I think I messaged her just as they were starting to see what they could do. I was so glad that they were going to plan something so I could have a bit of my regular life on Memorial Day. They planned a big group Zoom hangout that was supposed to start at 1 pm. While I am usually one of the first people to their parties, I have never been the very first person. But I was the first guest that arrived at the virtual party.

It was so good to see Marie and Chris! I have missed all of my friends so much, and I haven’t gotten to see many of them virtually since this all started. I was so happy that I was tearing up at seeing familiar faces. And we had a few moments to chat before lots of other people were joining in! People were popping in and out, so there was never a time that I could have gotten a photo with everyone in the virtual party at one time but this shows a lot of people who were there.

There was a good-sized group the entire time I was in the Zoom party. I was able to stay for about 2 or 3 hours before I needed to leave and get some things done around my house. And yes, we did have some issues with people talking over each other since we had so many people there at once, but we also joked that the parties are like that in real life too.

And some people really did have some fun with the idea of a virtual party. Marie and Chris used a video for a virtual background and the video was a 30-minute loop that mainly was just their empty entryway but occasionally had them walking through the frame and opening doors. So it was like they had evil twins appearing from time to time. That made all of us laugh so much. Other people used other still images for virtual backgrounds. And one person made Chris and Marie’s house their background and that made us all smile. Some people even did outfit/costume changes from time to time, which was something special and unique with doing a virtual party. And of course, everyone who had a dog showed them off at some point. That was one of my favorite things.

There were a few moments when I felt sad because I really wanted to be with my friends in real life and not just seeing them on a screen. I was a little frustrated by seeing so many people around the country not keeping a distance from others and wishing that I could do the same. I don’t know if the people doing that don’t worry about this virus or where they live there are no cases. But in LA, there is no way I can believe that being around others would be ok right now. And I know that eventually, I will be with my friends again and the only way to keep us all healthy is to stay apart for now.

But even with the rare moments of sadness, for the most part this was an amazing way to try to spend time with some of the people I love. I would have been more upset if I hadn’t seen them at all. And we were all talking about how amazing it will be when we have our epic in-person reunion (we are all hoping we can do that for Halloween, but it will depend on a lot). Seeing friends virtually isn’t as great as being together in person, but it is so much better than not seeing them at all. And we all know how lucky we are that we were able to do this at all. To go through this pandemic without the internet would have been so much worse. But we can do virtual things like this and stay connected while having to be apart.

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Default ThumbnailA Game Filled Party (or Being Competitive With My Friends) Default ThumbnailPre-Memorial Day BBQ (or Making Drunk Fruit) Default ThumbnailAnother Virtual Friend Hangout (or Trying Not To Miss A Summer Tradition Too Much) Default ThumbnailSo Many Virtual Movie Nights (or Thank Goodness For Technology) Default ThumbnailFinding A Social Life Where I Can (or Virtual Parties and Distance Hangouts) Default ThumbnailHaving A Lot Of Repeat Days (or More Organizing and More Virtual Hangouts)

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Posted in Celebrations, Fun Stuff

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Baby Steps With Cooking (or I’m Cautiously Optimistic)

Posted on May 22, 2020 | Comments Off on Baby Steps With Cooking (or I’m Cautiously Optimistic)

I wrote about how I have been doing a lot more cooking these days a little while ago. At least being forced to cook more often is one positive of the current situation. I know that I could have just done a lot of frozen dinners and delivery food, and I am proud that I didn’t do that. I have gotten some delivery food and I do get some frozen meals when I get groceries, but I don’t do it that often. And compared to before, I’m not getting delivery food as often (both to try to save money and for safety reasons). And since I don’t like to just have meals made of snack foods, I have been forcing myself to cook a few times a week.

Some of the cooking I’m doing has been stuff I probably couldn’t do during normal times. I have been cooking a nicer breakfast/brunch several days a week. If I had work, I couldn’t do that. But since I only work an hour, I can do my work and then make food after. The breakfasts that I cook aren’t anything fancy, but I have been making lots of egg dishes and it does feel special compared to what I normally eat in the morning. I haven’t gotten super creative with breakfasts since I’m usually cooking when I’m hungry, but the fact that I’m cooking that many mornings is a good change for me.

Since a lot of days I eat my first meal as brunch, I usually do brunch and then dinner (sometimes with a snack). And my dinners aren’t fancy either, but they are more creative than things I used to cook. There have been a lot of days that I cook pretty basic stuff, but it’s still more interesting than just a turkey burger and veggies (and there’s nothing wrong with that, but that’s a lot of what I used to make). For example, the other night I had a spice packet for fajitas. So that’s what I made. Cooking veggies and some chicken wasn’t too crazy, but it still was more than I probably would do before. And part of the reason why I might not have done it before was that I wasn’t doing a lot of planning.

I’ve tried meal planning several times. Sometimes it clicks with me for a little bit, but it has never really stuck. And I don’t know why that is. I’ve tried to do stricter meal planning with prepping everything one day a week so it’s all ready. I’ve tried writing out a menu and planning on when I’d eat leftovers. And I’ve tried so many ways in between those ideas. It just hasn’t worked for me. And I’ve tried to force it to work over and over again. And now, I’m realizing that maybe meal planning just isn’t going to be something I can accomplish. I’m not really meal planning right now, and I’m doing more cooking than ever. Even when you take out the breakfasts I’m making, I’m still cooking so much more.

Maybe I need to meal plan with the idea of what days will I cook, what days will I eat leftovers, and what days will I eat a frozen meal or get something from a restaurant (either going out or getting delivery). I need to feel comfortable with a few different recipes that I know I can make and don’t feel too crazy. There have been a few things I’ve been making over and over again and I feel comfortable making them without having to look at a recipe. And if I can build upon those things I already feel good about making, then I could have a lot of recipes that I could turn to when I need to cook.

I wish I could be able to do this when it’s easy to go to the grocery store to get ingredients. It’s not easy for me to decide what I want to eat a week or two in advance. I have been doing grocery delivery to get ingredients from time to time. But I also don’t want to end up spending a lot of extra money because I’m randomly buying groceries. At the same time, I don’t know how much I can change at one time. Maybe I should just be happy that I’m cooking more and not stress too much about the grocery delivery.

I’m still trying to stay hopeful that once life starts getting back to normal that I’ll be able to maintain at least some of my new cooking routine. I will probably still have another month or so before things start getting normal again, so that’s time to continue to build the habit. Eventually, a switch will have to flip for me and I just don’t know how that will happen. But this is another attempt at making cooking more routine for me and I can only hope that this is the way that it clicks in place for me.

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Default ThumbnailStill Having Some Cooking Fails (or Trying But Not Being Perfect) Default ThumbnailLack Of Planning (or No Home Cooking This Week) Default ThumbnailDoing More Cooking (or Maybe It Does Save Time) Default ThumbnailHome Cooking (or Getting Into A Routine) Default ThumbnailForced To Do Some Cooking (or Making The Best Of Things) Default ThumbnailBaby Steps Back To Cooking (or My Check In Kicked My Butt Into Gear)

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Feeling Sick Just Isn’t Fun (or I Was Already Doing Nothing)

Posted on May 21, 2020 | Comments Off on Feeling Sick Just Isn’t Fun (or I Was Already Doing Nothing)

When I was put on antibiotics after my visit to urgent care, I was very grateful because I did want my leg to feel better. And I’m glad to say that now, I’m almost totally better. I knew it wouldn’t be completely fixed by the antibiotics because I do still have an autoimmune disease and the flare is brought on by that. But now, it’s what a normal flare is like for me and not something that is causing me intense pain or issues trying to walk.

This was only the second time I went on antibiotics for my autoimmune disease. I know that it can almost seem like a miracle cure because it does help a lot. The other time I was on antibiotics, I wasn’t having a bad flare. But my old dermatologist wanted to see what would happen. I went along with it, but I knew that it probably wasn’t going to do much. I knew it would temporarily fix it, but that it doesn’t cure the disease. It’s a temporary fix until another flare happened. But I did it and it was great to be without any flares for a few weeks.

But when I was on antibiotics that time, I also got very sick. Because it’s a very powerful broad-spectrum antibiotic, it doesn’t just kill one type of bacteria. It can kill lots of bacteria in your body. When I was on the antibiotics back then, I didn’t really think about that happening so I was surprised when I got so sick. And there are a lot of things you can’t take when on antibiotics because of how it interacts in your body. The good thing was that I did feel better pretty soon after stopping the antibiotics. But the time that I was sick was just not fun. All I wanted to do while I was sick was sit at home on the couch or in bed and do nothing.

And sitting at home doing nothing is already pretty much what I have been doing. So when I was put on antibiotics last week, I knew that not much would necessarily change in my life except I might feel pretty cruddy. I was lucky this time and I didn’t start feeling sick until day 3 or 4 of the antibiotics. It mainly felt like a stomach bug. Unfortunately, most things you take when you have a stomach bug aren’t things you can take on antibiotics (basically, you can’t do anything that might change how your body absorbs medication through your stomach). I was a bit more proactive this time and asked the doctor at urgent care what I could be prescribed ahead of time since I was anticipating feeling sick. And I did get some stuff that helped me and I was so glad I didn’t have to go back to the hospital to pick up anything. I was able to stay home and not leave my house. Which again, isn’t much different from what I’ve been doing already.

Normally, being home and doing nothing is a break from regular life. This time, it was just more of the same. I think because it was what I was already doing, it did take a bit more of a toll on my mental health. I wasn’t depressed, but I was very moody and easily upset because I was feeling so sick. Doing nothing and resting has lost its novelty because I’ve been doing that for so long already. But I didn’t have an option to do anything different so I just had to suck it up and get through it.

I’ve been off the antibiotics for a few days now, and I’m finally feeling better from them. I still have a bit of an uneasy stomach, so I’m trying to eat things that I know have good bacteria in them to rebalance my body. And I know I will be fine soon. The difference between the last day of taking the antibiotics and now is huge. I’m probably 80% back to feeling normal. And the last bit will just take some time and before I know it, this will all just be a memory.

As upset and annoyed as I was by being sick this last time, I guess I can be a bit grateful that there was nothing on my schedule that I had to miss. I didn’t have to skip a party or an event I was looking forward to. I only had plans to do nothing. So that was one thing I didn’t have to worry about or feel distressed about. But I still don’t want to be sick again during quarantine (outside of routine nausea I have to deal with). I’m already feeling a bit bored with not having anything to do. Being bored with nothing to do and feeling sick is even worse. At least it’s done now.

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Default ThumbnailBack To Back Medical Issues (or I Guess My Body Gave Me A Sign) Default ThumbnailMy Cold Caught Up With Me (or I Guess I Was Due To Get Sick) Default ThumbnailYup, I’m Sick (or Trying To Take Care Of Me) Default ThumbnailBeing Sick (or Feeling Off) Default ThumbnailAnother Attempt At A Reset (or Feeling Sick Got Me Into A Bad Routine) Default ThumbnailAnother Week Of Pushing Through (or Feeling Strong Before Feeling Sick)

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