Tag Archives: happiness

Focusing On The Happy (or What Will Be Good At Thanksgiving)

After talking about how stressed out I’m getting about getting everything done before Thanksgiving, I decided to take a step back and focus on the good things that will be happening next week. I think I realized that I need to focus on the good after reflecting on my happiness checklist yesterday. I’ve realized that happiness and good things haven’t been as much of a focus as it should be and I wanted to remedy that.

Obviously, we are all trying to remember that last Thanksgiving was pretty epic and will likely be impossible to top. It wasn’t just that almost the entire family was there at one time, but we had amazing weather and everyone seemed to have a great time. We have the same rental house this year as we did last year, but since my grandpa won’t be there (and a few other family members will be missing due to scheduling issues), it won’t be the same even if we have the amazing weather again.

I’m really excited to see my family. So many family visits lately have been a bit on the sad side, so it will be nice to have a family gathering that should be happier. There are a couple of things that have been planned for Thanksgiving (that I can’t share yet because they are surprises) that may bring a bit of a somber mood, but I think we are all focused on making our family holiday a happy thing.

I’m super excited to give my mom her Hanukkah gift. I’ll be sharing what I got her next week (again, I can’t ruin the surprise), but I think that she’s going to be shocked by what I got and I think she will love it. And I can’t wait to give my dad his birthday present because I think it’s something that he’ll be so happy to have but never would have bought for himself.

I can’t wait to see my cousin’s kids and do some face painting on them. I bought a big face paint kit this year and I think it will be a bit crazy when my cousins and I start painting their faces. We can get more creative than we’ve been in the past, but we can get over the top as well. But I know that when the kids have their faces painted and they are showing the designs off to everyone that the entire family should be smiling. I think everyone has gotten a kick out of this weird tradition that I started by accident.

And of course, I can’t wait to see the dog! It’s been a while since I’ve seen him and he’s gotten so much bigger! I’ll be working with him on a trick or two and my parents have been telling me how much better he’s gotten with his obedience training. The other day Tucker was at the dog park and tore up his skin from a bush. My parents didn’t realize he was hurt at first because he didn’t cry, limp, or show any signs of being injured. But once they saw it they took him to the vet to get it checked out (we might be a bit overly cautious because of what happened with Chaucer). The vet said it needed to be cleaned and stitched up so that was done. And instead of putting Tucker in the cone of shame, the vet recommended putting Tucker in a shirt so he can’t lick at his stitches.

Tucker in a shirt

I think he looks so silly and cute at the same time! I don’t know if he will still need to be wearing a shirt next week (his stitches don’t come out until after Thanksgiving), but he will look cute whether he’s clothed or naked. Tucker is officially now our dog with the most scars. And they’ve all been very minor injuries that Tucker doesn’t even notice. That dog either doesn’t have a ton of pain receptors or he is so distracted when he’s playing that he ignores any pain he has. But all his scars have fun stories and he seems to not mind visiting the vet (I don’t know if he loves being in the shirt).

And of course, the food and company are things to look forward to next week. I’ll be in San Diego for about 3 days so I’ll have a lot of time to hang out (even if I do have to work the day before and the day after Thanksgiving). No matter what happens over Thanksgiving, I’m so grateful that I have the chance to spend time with 4 generations of my family and be surrounded by people who I love and who love me. I know that that is a luxury that not everyone has and I need to be grateful that I do have that.

Checking In With Myself (or I Need To Find New Things That Make Me Happy)

Even though I think my therapist is shocked that I’m continuing to do this, I’m maintaining my daily happiness checklist. I’ve been doing this for a while now and I’m actually really glad that it’s a part of my routine. It’s good for me to reflect back on my day and make sure that I’m doing things for myself and not just because I have to.

The only thing that I’m able to check off every single day is reading. Reading makes me so incredibly happy and I could easily spend hours every day reading. But since that isn’t a reality most days, I make sure that I get to read for at least a little while before I go to bed. I can’t remember the last day that I had where I didn’t read even for a little bit. It was probably at least 5 or 6 years ago. The only thing that makes me sad about reading is when I finish a book series that I love so much and I know that there aren’t going to be any more books. But fortunately I have a very wide range of tastes when it comes to books so I’m always able to find something to read next that excites me (but I’m happy to get any book recommendations that you all have).

Reading is the only thing that gets checked off every day, but there are a couple of things that are checked off almost every day. Going to Orangetheory or working out in another way is checked off more often than it isn’t. And blogging is checked off usually at least 5 out 7 days in the week. I’m glad that I know that almost every day I’m guaranteed to have 3 things on my checklist checked off. I think 3 or 4 things out of 10 is the lowest I’ve ever been on my checklist.

I’m finally getting more checks in my acting column. Going to class once a week counts (and I count going to the shows I have to see for class as well). Getting my headshots count. And of course, auditions count but those aren’t as common and are not controllable by me. I want to focus on getting more checks in that column, but I know that that is only going to happen if it is things that I control. That is one of the things that is pushing me toward going to the next level in my improv class.

The rest of my column are super sporadic. I have a Disneyland/Outing column, but with my schedule lately there haven’t been a lot of outings. I’ll be making at least one Disneyland trip next month (I’m hoping for 2) and I know that when my schedule is calmer that I can focus on planning more fun things.

Having a meal out (another column) is another one that is pretty low on checks. I think this goes hand in hand with the lack of outings (and a lack of money). This one will get some more checks in it soon with Thanksgiving, but I’m not sure if I’m going to keep this column after I see my therapist next month.

I know that the reason my therapist had me do this list originally was to make sure that I did things that make me happy every day. But the more times I do the list, the more I’m realizing that maybe the things that I thought make me happy aren’t right. Or maybe I need to focus on different ones that fit in my circumstances better. I know that going out for dinner makes me happy, but that’s not something that would happen too often even if my money situation was different.

I’m really starting to question what makes me happy in life and if I have enough things that make me happy in my life. Maybe I need to find more happiness and that’s something that is lacking in my world. It’s weird to think that I thought that I’ve been happy when in reality I might not have been. I’m not depressed, but I might have been fooling myself with how happy I’ve been.

I’m not going to change up my checklist in the middle of it. I see my therapist is a little over a month and the checklist will remain the same until I see him. After I see him, that’s when I create the new checklist that will have the right number of days before my next appointment (usually either 60 days or 90 days later). I think reevaluating things every other month or so it’s too bad and I’m sure lots of people could benefit from doing so. Since I feel forced into it by my therapist calling it “homework”, I don’t ignore what the checklist is telling me.

I’m sure this post seems a bit like I’m rambling on. It’s a weird feeling to think that you don’t know what makes you happy and that the things you thought made you happy don’t. I’ve got a month to think about what I do in life that makes me happy and then I’ll create the checklist that will take me into the new year and hopefully I can make 2016 the happiest year that I’ve had so far.

Goodbye 31 (or Hello 32!)

First of all, this is my 800th blog post! That’s so crazy! I feel like I need to start planning something amazing to do for my 1000th post now!

Anyway, back to today’s post!

This weekend is my birthday! As you know I look forward to my birthday every year. I enjoy all the freebies that I can, and I get to see so many of my friends over my birthday adventures.

This is always a busy time for celebrations for my family. Not only is it my birthday on Sunday, it is my cousin’s birthday and my parents’ anniversary today! I like having all these celebrations at the same time. Sometimes being at the tail end of all the celebrations isn’t fun, but that’s ok. The best time with the celebrations back to back was when my entire family traveled to Africa for my grandparents’ 50th anniversary. While we were in Africa, we celebrated my cousin’s birthday, my parents’ anniversary, and my birthday. That birthday is still one of the most memorable ones for me (and not just because I had the worst food poisoning of my life the night before my birthday).

Africa Birthday

I know many people my age hate getting older, but it doesn’t bother me at all. Maybe that’s because I don’t look my age, or maybe that’s because in the acting world I play younger than my real age. In fact, there are times that I forget my real age and only remember my acting age. That always makes for an awkward moment when I’m having to think about how old I am.

Getting older doesn’t scare me at all either. I’m not in the place I thought I would be when I’m 32, but I also never knew I could be in the place that I am in right now either. I have a really amazing life. I have really amazing friends who love and support me 100%. I am living in my dream city and working on making my dream career come true. I always thought by the time I was 30 that I would be married and have kids. By 32 I figured I’d be living a stay-at-home mom life and maybe still pursuing acting.. I still have the dream of getting married and having kids, but I don’t feel the same time crunch that I imagined in my 20’s.

Turning 32 isn’t a milestone birthday. But whenever I try to do things for milestone birthdays, they’ve never happen the way that I wanted them to. I remember my 21st birthday, I was supposed to have a ton of friends come meet me at a restaurant so we could celebrate my first legal drink. Throughout the day, friends were contacting me saying that something came up or there was a family emergency. I didn’t feel like I was being bailed on, most of these people had real conflicts and it didn’t help that I had done the planning at the last-minute. In the end it was me and two friends celebrating that first legal drink. But I wouldn’t change a thing about it. It also stands out in my mind how the morning after my 21st birthday, I had to be at work at 7 AM. So there was not a lot of drinking to be done that night. So I don’t see the point in trying to make milestone birthdays special (unless I’m not planning it).

I wrote about my 30th birthday on the blog. While it was a milestone birthday, it was still a relatively low-key birthday celebration. For some reason, turning 31 seemed like a much bigger deal than turning 30. Turning 32 feels more like turning 30 but it did turning 31.

I’ve got lots of fun things planned for my birthday this year. I’ll be sharing them over the next couple of blog posts. I’m doing things a little bit more low-key this year than I have in the past, but that’s exactly how I want them to be.

I’m going into my 32nd year a much stronger, confident, happier person than I was before. This is exactly how I want to start my 32nd birthday. While I’ve had struggles and challenges this past year, I wouldn’t change one thing. Each of the struggles has improved me. While I would like to believe that I would still be the same way even without these challenges, I know that without them I never would have been able to build myself to be the way that I am.

So here’s the last few days of being 31! And here’s to making 32 my most amazing year ever!

Recovering From A Bad Day (or Making Sure I Fill In My Checklist)

After my bad day, I knew that I would have to wake up the next morning with a better attitude. I didn’t want a bad day to turn into a bad week. In the past, I would just try to do random stuff to cheer me up. But now, I have a record of things that make me happy.

So my Monday was focused on my checklist and seeing what I could get done. I have never gotten all 10 items in a single day, nor do I think that that is really possible, but I wanted to get a bunch off.

My day started with a workout. Even though workouts aren’t my favorite thing in the world, that is a great start to a day. Between the workout and marching in place while watching tv, I managed to get my 10,000 steps in for the day.

After my workout, I had some time to kill at my house. I wrote a blog post for one of the blogs I freelance on. Since it was so hot in my house I took advantage of the speech to text feature on my phone and wrote the post in bed in front of a fan. So that was much better than typing at a hot computer (this post is typed at my computer, but I’m going to start taking advantage of the speech to text feature more often!). Getting blog work done always makes me happy because I’m always stressed about what I will write about. Fortunately I had some inspiration for that article.

After writing I read for a long while. I just finished one book and had fun choosing what I would read next. So of course I got sucked into my book and read probably longer than I should have.

My evening ended with meeting up with a friend and going to see “Ant Man”. We had been meaning to see it for a while, and we finally both had some time free. I go see comic book movies with this friend because he knows everything about the comic book world and was able to explain things I didn’t get after the movie. I really enjoyed the movie, even more than I expected! The only thing that bugged me was I knew that I knew the actor who played the bad guy from somewhere. I didn’t want to be an annoying theater patron so I didn’t try to slyly look it up on my phone. As soon as the credits came up, I looked and realized I knew him from a Lifetime movie! Super random.

Overall, it was a pretty great day. I checked 7 things off of my happiness checklist which I think is pretty amazing. And I really got out of my bad day funk. Things from that day are getting better. My schedule is back on track, I’m sleeping better, and the new chain for my necklace should be delivered in a day or two.

I guess you really do have to just accept sometimes that a day might suck but know that the next one doesn’t have to.

Another Therapist Check In (or Showing Off My Happiness Checklist)

I had another appointment with my therapist this week. Last time I was there, he gave me homework to do over the next 90 days (the number of days between my appointments). I was to make a checklist of 10 things that make me happy and track how many I do each day. The goal wasn’t to do all 10 every day (I don’t think I ever did that), but it was to try to make sure that I at least do some every day.

I did this for 90 days (my appointment ended up being on day 89 so I finished it the day after my appointment). And my checklist looked pretty full.

Old Happiness Checklist

I brought my (almost) completed checklist with me to my appointment to show my doctor. It was the first thing we discussed and honestly I think he was pretty surprised that I did it. He said that many patients start one and only keep it up for a couple of days and others never actually do it. But I wanted to prove that I’m taking this seriously and I’m not just going to therapy to get medication (although that is what started this process).

He told me to continue my checklist for the next 60 days (again, it’s the length of time between my appointments). I had to make a new checklist and I was allowed to keep any or all of the previously happiness items on the list. I decided to keep all but one of them. I changed shopping/beauty because while that does make me happy, my financial situation prevents me from doing it as often as I’d like. Nothing else on my list is restricted by money so I figured that that one was meant to go. In place of shopping/beauty I put binge free day. It’s a bit controversial that I listed lack of eating disorder symptoms as something that makes me happy, but hopefully my therapist will be ok with this.

New Happiness Checklist

After going over my checklist, we discussed how I was doing on Vyvanse. I’ve been very torn about the medication. It has helped a tiny bit (I’d say I’ve had many a 5% improvement) but I don’t want to take something if it isn’t making a significant change in my life. There are side effects that can be dangerous and I want to be in a place where the benefits outweigh the side effects.

My therapist seemed to understand my feelings and how I don’t want to give up on Vyvanse but I don’t know if continuing to take it is the right choice. So we are going to try changing up my dosage to see if that helps. I’m now going to take one pill in the morning and another pill right before lunch time. I just started this yesterday so I have no idea yet how it will really affect me or if it’s going to work a lot better. But I am very hopeful. I have to be since I know that many things can be affected if you are positive or not. So I’m going to remain positive about this and give it the best shot I can.

My therapist said that the best plan is to take the medication and forget about it. I shouldn’t make it the focus of my day (I wonder how he feels about me writing an entire blog post about it?). So if I’m supposed to forget about the medication, I’m going to focus on the happiness checklist and seeing how much I can get checked off in the next 60 days.

Playing Catchup (or Recovering From The Beginning Of The Week)

After all the excitement on Monday, I’ve pretty much spent the rest of my week making up for everything I didn’t do because I was focused on both the live recording and after party.

Obviously, the first thing I had to make up were work hours. Fortunately, my box office job doesn’t have Monday hours so I didn’t have to worry about that. But with my research job, I had to make sure to work a few extra hours to make up for not doing anything Monday (or over the weekend).

The research job is still trucking along. Things are a bit slower than I’d like, but my boss is totally understanding. I think that once I get all the initial work done and it’s more about maintaining the data I’ve collected, things will be better. Now it just seems like a race against time.

Even though I got through all the festivities of Monday, the podcast team still needed to meet up on Tuesday. We met at Lyfe Kitchen and I think it’s pretty obvious that we all were pretty hungry going into the meeting.

Lyfe Kitchen

Some of the meeting was a debriefing of how things went the night before and what we could improve on for the next event. I think most of us were on the same page about things, but I think that I also kept some of the issues I encountered too quiet as nobody else on the team knew about them. In a way that is good because I was the only person stressed out. But I’m glad I got to share them because we can make changes to prevent those issues from happening again.

We also discussed the 300th episode. Yes, it’s about 2 years away. But I’ve got to top what we did for the 200th so I’m getting a head start. I can’t share any of the ideas we’ve been discussing just yet. But if things go the way we want them to, in 2 years you will all want to come join us for our 300th episode!

I also had a friend of mine ask me to write them a letter of recommendation for Women In Film! That was such an honor. I took my time and wrote several drafts before sending it to her to submit with her application. I’ve asked for letters of recommendations plenty of times. But I never knew until know how stressful it could be! Maybe I’m just so stressed because I know how great Women In Film is and I want all my amazing friends to be a part of it as well. I’ve got my fingers crossed that she gets in!

Finally, I just had to catch up on working on my happiness checklist. I’ve been neglecting some of the things that make me happy lately (although other things have been happening almost daily). I see my therapist in just over 2 weeks and I’m planning on bringing my checklist for him to see. I want him to see that I made a real effort in the homework he gave to me to do for 3 months. I really am taking this seriously and if I want to get my dosage of Vyvanse adjusted (which I’m pretty sure it needs to be), I have to work on the mental aspect of my recovery and not just getting the “quick fix” medication.

That’s a lot of work to get done on an already crazy week! I’m glad that this weekend is a holiday weekend and I get tomorrow off from my box office job!

Update On My Checklist (or Working On Being Happy)

At my last appointment with my therapist, he wanted me to make a happiness checklist. On that list, I was supposed to track 10 things that make me happy and check off if I did one each day.

I don’t know if he really expected me to make a checklist and check off things every day, but I have been doing just that. And I’m beyond the half way point so I figured I should update you all on how I’m doing.

Happiness Checklist

There are a few things that I pretty much do every day without fail. Every day I get 10,000 steps in and I read. Those are pretty easy for me to get done since I make sure to do my 10,000 steps every day (those Fitbit challenges really help me!) and I can’t imagine going to bed without reading. Honestly, I would read more if I could but I don’t have the time. I also blog almost every day as well as workout most days of the week, so those columns have a bunch of check marks on them as well.

Where I’m not doing as many of my happy things seem to be the social things. They are the outings, meeting friends and family, or having a meal out. I’m working on trying to do more of those things, but sometimes once I’m done with work and going to Orangetheory, I just want to put on my PJs and be lazy in my house for the evening. But on the evenings I’m not working out, I really am making more of an effort to be social when I can.

I’ve also got seeing movies on my list. This is something that I love but I don’t seem to do often enough (at least often enough for me). I did go see “Jurassic World” this week by myself and had a great time. It was a really fun movie. The only negative were the people who decided to bring their toddlers in the movie and didn’t seem to shush them (or think it was inappropriate to bring a toddler to that movie). But beyond those little annoyances, that was a fun afternoon out.

The acting column on my happiness checklist is a little empty. I chose to only mark it off if I had an audition or an actor related event. But I do do tasks related to acting every day (like self-submitting or research). I just figured I’d only count it if it was more than something I could do alone in my house.

I’ve got just about a month before my next meeting with my therapist. I will be bringing in my checklists for him to look at. Mainly because I think he will be impressed that I actually did the homework he gave me for 90 days (although my appointment is actually on day 89). But I also really am trying to take my appointments with my therapist seriously. I’m trying to not just be there to get the medication. That might have been the reason I started, but that doesn’t have to be my motivation for continuing.