Tag Archives: fear

Another Dentist Visit (or Panicking About Panicking)

Posted on September 22, 2016 | 2 comments

I’ve written a bit about my issues with going to the dentist in the past. It still bugs me that I used to be completely fine with the dentist and now it’s become a huge ordeal for me. I know I need to go 3 times a year and I don’t avoid the appointments because that can lead to more issues than I want to deal with. But it doesn’t make it easier to get through each appointment.

I’ve also written about how taking Vyvanse was supposed to make my panic attacks worse. But for some reason it’s had the opposite effect for the dentist. I’m so grateful that is the case for me, but it doesn’t eliminate all the panic I feel and it’s still a bit of an ordeal for me to go.

I had my cleaning this Monday and I tried my best to be ready for it. I had plenty of teeth nightmares (thinking my teeth are falling out, have massive cavities in them, need them to be pulled out) in the month leading up to the appointment. And when I was brushing my teeth the week before the appointment I seriously thought I saw something that looked like a cavity so I was freaking out. I was dreading the bad news I was expecting to get at the appointment and just tried to get to Monday so I could get it over with.

I had my usual workout in the morning (which was a nice distraction for an hour) and several errands scheduled between the workout and the appointment. But when I was driving over to the dentist I was starting to have a panic attack. But this panic attack wasn’t about being at the dentist. This was about worrying that I would have a panic attack while I was in the middle of the appointment. I literally was panicking about potentially panicking. It wasn’t fun.

As soon as the dental hygienist came to get me, I really felt like I was about to burst into tears. I wasn’t shaking and my breathing was normal, so that was an improvement. And I let her know my concerns so she could try to get me reassured as quickly as possible.

The first thing the hygienist did was check my teeth for any damage. She takes her time doing this because she wants to give me an answer immediately if there are any issues that I should be worried. While she was looking I was pinching my arm as hard as possible to distract me from when felt like impending doom. And once she was done looking she said that everything looked fine (not even something that looks like it could turn into a cavity anytime soon) and got on with the rest of the appointment.

As soon as I got that news, all the fear and panic melted away from my body. I felt completely normal and made it through the rest of the appointment with no issues at all. Even all the stuff I hate (like the scraping stuff) was fine and I felt relaxed.

I keep joking with the hygienist that I’m ready for this panic about the dentist to end. I’m doing significantly better but I’m not back to how I was before the panic attacks started. I feel like the panic attacks are now a fear about potential panic attacks which is a bit better than panicking about the appointment itself. These are baby steps to getting over this issue and while the progress is annoyingly slow for me it’s progress.

Hopefully within the next few years dentist appointments will bring the same lack of panic as any doctor appointment for me (I only panic when I know my blood has to be drawn). Once I can treat these appointments as just a normal part of life, the better.

There is one other thing that may have made this a better appointment than in the past, but that is a story for tomorrow’s post!

2 Comments

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged dentist, fear, health issues, panic, panic attack

Scared Speechless (or A Book Giveaway!)

Posted on March 31, 2016 | Comments Off

I’m doing another giveaway! I know I still have my “Once Upon A Time: The Rock Opera” giveaway going on, but this is another amazing giveaway that I think you will all love! So I had no choice but to run 2 giveaways at the same time! You can enter both of them and I really hope that you do!

I met Steve Rohr when I was at the Entertainment New Media Network Conference last year. He was so amazing when he spoke to the group that I had to talk to him immediately after he spoke and pitched him to be on the Inside Acting Podcast. I’m glad he said yes because I absolutely loved his episodes! The stories and knowledge that he shared is amazing and I know how lucky we are that he was willing to speak with us. And I’ve been fortunate that Steve has stayed in touch with me because he’s a seriously awesome person (beside everything else he does, he’s the publicist for the Oscars!).

Steve recently shared with me that he and his friend Dr. Shirley Impellizzeri wrote a book called “Scared Speechless”. It’s all about taking the fear away from public speaking and how to become the best public speaker you can be. He offered to send me a copy and of course I said yes! While I don’t do much public speaking, I figure that any help I can get to be less nervous when I speak would be good plus I love reading self-help books!

I was so excited when it arrived at my doorstep and loved that Steve and Shirley signed it for me!

Scared Speechless Signed Copy

I immediately started to read it. I read it so quickly that I was done within 2 days and would have put this post up sooner except that I wanted to read it again before blogging about it! I felt like I read it so quickly that a second reading was needed to I could digest everything I was learning and make sure that I didn’t miss any lessons.

This is such a wonderful book! Obviously, it’s great for people who have to do public speaking or presentations at work or school. But so much of this book is perfect for actors who are nervous about auditions. It discusses some of the science behind fear and how to overcome them. It shares ideas for speeches and how to write different types of speeches like presentations, toasts, eulogies, and commencement speeches. And it has a great list of speeches you can watch or read to be inspired and to help you with whatever you may need to come up with.

What I love so much about this book is how it is broken up. Each chapter could be viewed as a standalone article. You could read just what you need to or read the entire book and still get a lot of information out of it. Each chapter starts with a chapter focus (listed on the first page of the chapter) so you know what you will be reading about. Then toward the end of the chapter there is homework or ideas to try to help work on the lessons that the chapter discussed. And finally at the end of each chapter there are key notes from what you just read in the chapter. It’s almost like someone already wrote notes on the book so you can make sure you didn’t miss anything and you know exactly what you should have gotten out of that chapter.

I read a lot of non-fiction books and I have to say that this one is one of the easiest books that I’ve read in a long time. It is very clearly written and the chapters are split up nicely so it doesn’t feel confusing or like it is repeating itself (which is a common issue I see in non-fiction books). I think that this really is relatable and anyone could find something in the book that connects to them and their public speaking (or auditioning) issues. This may be the first non-fiction book that I honestly think everyone no matter what should read.

You can go online and buy the book in paperback or on your Kindle now, but I have a signed copy to giveaway! There are a ton of ways you can enter. You can follow people on twitter, visit different fan pages on Facebook, comment on this post, or tweet out a message (and you can tweet out a message every day for extra entries!).

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I can’t wait for you all to read this book. It really is incredible and I have a feeling that this will be a book that I come back to from time to time to help me with my auditions and any public speaking moments I might have in my life.

Good luck and I can’t wait to announce the winner!

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Posted in Acting, Fun Stuff

Tagged book nerd, books, contest, fear, giveaway, Oscars

A New Alarm Clock (or Letting Go Of A Little OCD)

Posted on August 20, 2015 | Comments Off

I’ve blogged about my alarm clock before. I know that some of you must think that I’m crazy, but that alarm clock meant so much to me.

That alarm clock was a gift for my high school graduation from one of my dad’s coworkers. That means that I got it over 14 years ago (I’m shocked it lasted so long). When I was in high school, I was horrible getting up in the morning for school. I would have multiple alarm clock is going off, and I would still sleep through them. My mom or dad would always have to come and get me up for the day. When I graduated high school, I was worried about how I would get up for class every morning. And that alarm clock saved my butt.

I never unintentionally overslept for a class the entire time I was in college (sorry Mom and Dad that there was a class or two that I intentionally slept through). That alarm clock was so annoying that I had to get up every morning just to turn it off. I continue to use that alarm clock after college. With the exception of one time, I never missed a morning.

This alarm clock has been dying on me the past couple of years. I’ve managed to revive it multiple times, and every time I get it back I’m glad that I don’t have to look for a new alarm clock. For some reason in my head, I feel like no other alarm clock will be good enough for me.

But the other day, the alarm clock died. There was no saving it. It’s totally dead. I think that the speaker inside the alarm clock died. That’s not something that can be fixed by changing the batteries, and I’m sure however much it would be to fix is too much money. This alarm clock was made by Sharper Image, and it’s not for sale anywhere anymore. I even checked eBay with no luck. I did find a friend who has the exact same alarm clock at her parents’ home and promised to sell it to me the next time she traveled home and got it.

Since I can’t wait for forever for a new alarm clock, I finally had to suck it up and get a new one. I managed to find one with similar features on Amazon, and it was shipped to my house the other day.

I also use my phone and my Fitbit as alarm clocks, so I wasn’t just relying on the new untested alarm clock. But this new alarm clock works just fine. I woke up in the morning without oversleeping, and I was able to start my day just like I was with the old alarm clock.

So why am I writing about this?

Because I think my fear of getting a new alarm clock has a lot to do with other things in my life. Maybe it’s related to my panic anxiety disorder or maybe it’s part of my OCD. I know that I did have OCD related to the alarm clock. I had to test it every night by pressing the snooze button (which would make a noise) and I needed it to sound “perfect” twice in a row before I could go to bed. I’m aware how that is obviously OCD, but since it wasn’t really harming anyone I never felt like I needed treatment for it.

But whatever issue was holding me back from getting a new alarm clock is gone now that I have a new one in my home. I was forced into this change and it was a good thing for me. I feel a sense of relief now that I’m not scared about my old alarm clock dying anymore. It’s very strange sensation.

The new alarm clock is still relatively new in my life, so I don’t know how this relief will relate to other things in my life. I do feel a sense of calm and lack of anxiety that I didn’t have before.

It’s strange how something as basic as an alarm clock can cause so much fear in so many parts of your life. I’m hoping that this letting go can be a new trend my life and perhaps lead me to other positive things.

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Posted in Fun Stuff, Shopping, Tough Stuff

Tagged fear, online shopping, panic

Surviving At The Dentist (or When Will I Grow Out Of My Fear)

Posted on January 8, 2015 | Comments Off

I had to go to the dentist this week for a regular cleaning. Although, for me, even a regular cleaning feels like a major procedure.

I’ve gotten to the point where I’m sick and tired of having panic attacks over the dentist. I tell myself over and over that things will be fine, but I’m still a mess when I get there.

While I’m happy that I have the timing of my panic pills down to a science so I know exactly when to take them in order to make things not as bad as they could be. But it’s still horrible going in.

This time, there was a combined panic because not only was I going to the dentist but because I was unable to find parking I was sure I was going to be late (I hate to be late and being late makes me feel a bit panicky as well). By the time I was walking up the stairs to the office, I was sweating like crazy and my vision was getting very dark (I’m lucky I never passed out).

I’m basically holding back on having a panic attack for the first few minutes of the appointment. Once the dental hygienist does the counting thing and moves on to the cleaning, I figure that any tragedy with my teeth (like cavities or something worse) would have already been discovered.

While I am grateful that my dental team knows how bad my fear is and is very accommodating for me, I’m ready for this fear to end. I haven’t had it my entire life so I feel like there should be an end date.

I’m not sure what I can do to make the fear go away. I know of hypnotherapy (which I’ve done before and it doesn’t work on me that well) and exposure therapy, but I don’t know if either would really help. And going to the dentist 3 times a year and having no problems is basically exposure therapy.

I’ve got the same frustration with my fear of flying. I’ll be flying in about 7 weeks and on the flight home, I might not be able to take my panic meds (I’ll be wine tasting that morning and you can’t mix alcohol and the medicine). I might skip the wine tasting to take my meds, but I wish there was a way to test myself to see if I really need them without actually flying without my meds.

So I’m reaching out to all of you for suggestions. Have any of you successfully gotten over something that you feared or had panic issues with? How did you do it? And how can you test if the fear/panic issues are really gone?

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Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged dentist, fear, panic, panic attack

Getting In The Ocean (or My Final Day In Maui)

Posted on September 17, 2013 | Comments Off

My fear of oceans started in 2000.

I was in the Galapagos for a family trip and we went snorkeling. In the Galapagos, the animals there do not know that they should be fearful of humans. So they will come up to you all a lot. Well, when I went snorkeling, I was in the water and a sea-lion came up to me. I’m sure most people would think that is cool, but when it was in my face, it blew bubbles and me and completely freaked me out. I didn’t go back into the ocean for that trip or for any other trip for the next 13 years.

I tried to get over my fear, but it just didn’t happen. I wanted to try surfing lessons (confront my fear head-on), but every time I scheduled a lesson, the day before there would be a shark sighting very close to where I was supposed to be.

I took it as a sign.

Well, in Maui, I declared that I would make it into the ocean. And on the last day of the trip, I finally had a chance.

We drove over to the hotel my Aunt Cindy and Uncle Steve were staying at. My Aunt Cindy had told me that there was a reef right off the beach at their hotel and it was very easy snorkeling and perfect for a beginner.

It was a very nice beach day, although a little windy and the water was a little choppy.

Fortunately, the rental house came with snorkel gear, so I didn’t have to worry about renting any. My mom decided to stay at the beach with our stuff (and be the official photographer), so it was me, my dad, and my Aunt Cindy heading out into the water.

My mom got one before shot of us all.

And then we went into the ocean. I had to get some instructions from my dad about how to get all the snorkel gear on the easiest way, so I sat down in the shallow part to get my fins, mask, and snorkel on to my liking.

I put my face into the water and immediately had a panic attack. I started to hyperventilate a bit and was tearing up. But I was able to get my breath under control and tried again.

For the first part of the snorkeling adventure, I would get panicky if my ears went underwater (because then I could hear my breathing and it freaked me out). But I got much calmer as we went.

And it was totally worth it! There were a ton of beautiful colorful fish right there! I didn’t like when the fish got close to me, so I tried to stay where it was a bit deeper. I have no idea what the names of any of the fish were, but pretty much all of them were super bright colors. We also saw a school of something like 100 fish right below us (which made my aunt wonder what they were swimming away from).

I thought (and I think everyone else thought) that I would be the first one ready to go back to the beach, but after a while, my dad announced that he was getting a bit tired. So the three of us went back to the shore. Turns out, we were out there for about an hour! Not too bad for my first time in an ocean in 13 years!

After snorkeling we rinsed off at the outdoor showers and met up with my Uncle Steve and Aunt Nancy (who went scuba diving that morning) for lunch. And after lunch, it was time to head back to our place to start packing up!

Of course, we enjoyed out last Maui sunset.

And finally decided that we should light the tiki torches that were in the backyard.

I had a really wonderful trip. I got to see so much of the island when we were there. And I felt like I finally got a real vacation! As sad as it was to say goodbye to Maui and the amazing place we stayed in, I was ready to come home.

I hope that you all have enjoyed reading my Maui adventures! I promise to get back to my usual types of blog posts!

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Posted in Family, Fun Stuff, Travel

Tagged fear, Hawaii, Maui, ocean, panic attack, water

Failure of a Plan (or Balancing Out The Good And The Bad)

Posted on February 1, 2013 | Comments Off

I had yesterday planned out a while ago, and nothing that I planned really ended up happening.

It started a few months back when I scheduled my dentist visit to be on 1/31. At that time, I was expecting to be unemployed, so going to the dentist wouldn’t cut into my work time. Also, but not going to work after the dentist, I wouldn’t have to worry about how low-energy I’d be at work because of my panic meds (my fear of the dentist continues!).

Well, as I’ve mentioned before here, I’m not unemployed now. But I did plan my dentist visit to be the first thing in the morning and I didn’t have to be at work until noon, so I’d have time for the panic meds to wear off.

Then on Wednesday, I get my favorite type of text message in the world: a text from my agents saying I have an audition! Yay! This audition was for a commercial, and the audition was also going to be yesterday afternoon.

I wasn’t worried about having to miss work for the audition (my boss is super understanding). I was worried because I know from past experiences that I do not audition well when I have taken panic meds.

So I had a decision to make. Do I risk going to the dentist without medication or do I risk auditioning with it? I would have rather moved my dentist appointment, but I got the audition text after the dentist was closed and I was not going to cancel 30 minutes prior to my appointment in the morning.

I took the risk and went without panic meds.

It wasn’t too good. I survived without fainting, but this was just a cleaning so there were no needles involved. I did have a small panic attack (nothing like the one I had a few weeks back) but I did have a moment where I couldn’t catch my breath and was crying. Fortunately, the hygienist is one of the nicest people out there and was trying to help me get through the appointment.

I also found out at the dentist that I need more work done. It’s not a crown, but a filling. I’m having it done on Monday, and since it involves needles, I will be medicating (and possibly taking the day off from work).

The positive in all this: I discovered that in an emergency, I can make it through a dental cleaning unmedicated, but won’t do that unless necessary.

And my audition went better than I could have hoped! I’m glad I was able to audition unmedicated and now I get to play the waiting game.

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Posted in Acting, Tough Stuff

Tagged acting, audition, dentist, fear, panic

Anatomy of a Panic Attack (or How I Spent My Friday Night)

Posted on January 7, 2013 | 5 comments

I’m no stranger to panic attacks. I was officially diagnosed with having them in 2005, but I know that I had some prior to that.

My diagnosis came after I was in the emergency room for not being able to catch my breath and having fuzzy vision. I had just been fired from a job that I was enjoying. I got in trouble at that job for something that I didn’t do, and once that was proven, my boss fired me for a stupid reason to get me out of there. I was so upset because I didn’t do anything wrong, and my family was out of the country so I couldn’t talk to them, and I got myself so upset I had an attack.

After that first attack, I was given medication (Klonopin) that has almost always helped me. I’ve been the emergency room a total of 3 times (including that first time) for attacks because the medicine wasn’t working the way I feel it should. But normally, my attacks are very mild. And fortunately for me, almost all of my attacks come from a predictable situation (flying and the dentist).

But for some reason, on Friday night, I had one of the worst panic attacks I’ve ever had.

It started pretty simple. My rib cage was feeling tight. That can mean heartburn or a gallbladder issue normally, so I wasn’t worried. I took an antacid and sat on my couch to wait for it to take effect.

It didn’t do anything and I started to sweat like crazy. Then I started to hyperventilate and I was terrified. I don’t ever recall having a panic attack like this, and I freaked out. I thought I might be dying. And then I did the worst thing you could do when you are freaking out about symptoms.

I googled it.

And google said that I was having a heart attack. I know that I’m overweight, but my heart is in great condition. So I had to keep telling myself that I wasn’t having a heart attack. I took some Klonopin and hoped for the best.

By this point, I had had my symptoms for about 15 minutes and was getting light-headed from the hyperventilating. I decided to lay down on my bed because if I was going to faint, I wanted to be somewhere safe.

I debated about calling a friend to take me to the emergency room (or to call an ambulance), but I don’t have the same insurance that I did when I was first diagnosed. In the past, all medical things were free (never had to pay for my hip surgery or any trip to the ER). But now, I know that a visit to the ER would be $500, and I don’t even want to think what an ambulance would cost.

I think that I did pass out, because the next thing I remember was my symptoms were going away and it was about an hour after the start of them.

I have no idea what caused this panic attack, but it was a reminder of how lucky I am to have mild attacks most of the time.

Why am I putting this out here? Why not. I talk about everything else in my life, so why not this. And I’m saying all the not so fun details about it because maybe I can help someone out there not feel so alone with similar symptoms.

If you do have panic attacks like this, I highly recommend seeing a therapist. I did, and that’s how I’ve kept my attacks at bay most of the time. Medication is something great for emergencies, but I don’t want to have to depend on it every day.

Here’s to hoping that the rest of my week is slightly less dramatic!

5 Comments

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged fear, panic

My Fear of the Dentist (or Why I’m a Faint Risk)

Posted on August 22, 2012 | 6 comments

Yesterday I was talking about how I’m scared of going to the dentist. I think I should explain my fear a bit more.

As a kid, I don’t remember ever being scared of the dentist. I didn’t like having impressions done or the bite things they put in my mouth for the x-rays, but that’s nothing.

Now, I’m shaking and have to take panic medication before going in.

The main part of my fear is my issue with needles. I tend to faint when needles go in my skin. I’ll faint for flu shots, blood draws, IVs, anything. I’ve gotten better where I can remain conscious most of the time, but I’m still listed as a faint risk at the hospital I go to. I only started having problems with needles as an adult.

This is what I learned in hypnotherapy (don’t judge me for that please) about my fear of needles. When I was in high school, I had a rabbit named Jasper. He was a huge rabbit and my family loved him a lot. Jasper had a jaw abscess and my parents knew that we could handle his medical care with some guidance from the vet. We had to keep the area clean with saline twice a day. Normally my parents did this, but there was a morning where my mom was out of town or something so I was helping my dad. I wasn’t feeling right when I was filling the syringe with saline and I told my dad I thought I was going to pass out. He thought I was just being a wimp and said I wouldn’t faint. Next thing you know, I’m passed out on the kitchen floor. Somehow, my mind now associated needles with fainting.

I’ve had to have dental work in the past where you have to be numbed up, and that involves shots. And yes, I’ve fainted in the dentist chair. I really don’t want that to happen again.

You never know when you are going to have dental work done that involves needles. I inherited bad teeth, so I know that eventually I’ll probably need another filling or have one of my crowns redone.

But my smile has always been one of my better features, no matter what weight I am, so I’ll continue to take my panic medication, go to the dentist, and hope that this time, I won’t faint.

6 Comments

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged dentist, fainting, fear, panic

Fear of Failing (or How My Car Accident and Weight Loss Are Related)

Posted on August 15, 2012 | 2 comments

As I mentioned last week, I was in a car accident. I was hit while exiting my driveway, something that I do every single day. And ever since the accident, I’m so nervous when I’m leaving my driveway or making any type of turn into a new lane of traffic.

I’ve had this happen to me before. In 2005, I was rear ended twice within 30 days. Once on the freeway and once on Sunset Blvd. After those accidents, I would always watch in panic as the car behind me slowed down to a stop, hoping that I wouldn’t get hit again.

Last night, I was leaving the shopping center where I got some dinner at Subway and turned right into the street. I was panicky as I turned because even though I couldn’t see any cars coming, what if there was one without lights on, or that was speeding, or that pulled into traffic before I did. I hate this feeling, but I know that it’s what makes me a safe driver.

After I turned into the street, I realized I have the same feelings about losing weight. I did the losing weight part successfully many times. I’ve lost over 100 pounds multiple times. I’m just a failure at keeping the weight off. I’m so scared of failing again that I’m panicky about doing it again.

I’m so tired of being a disappointment to myself and the people who love me. I want to be successful. But I have to be ok with failing again in order to try. And that’s one of the mental blocks I’m in right now.

Since starting this blog, I’m down about 3 pounds. I fluctuate a lot, but when you average out the week, it’s 3 pounds lost. To some people, that might seem amazing, but when I think about what little percentage that is of what I have to lose, it’s overwhelming. I think that I should have lost 10 pounds by now. And that’s what society sets us up to think. So many diet plans talk about how losing 2 pounds a week is a good way to go.

But should I feel like crap because I’ve only lost 3 pounds instead of 10? I know that the answer is no, but I’m still trying to convince myself of that point.

2 Comments

Posted in Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

Tagged accident, failure, fear, weight loss

Tag Archives: fear

Another Dentist Visit (or Panicking About Panicking)

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Scared Speechless (or A Book Giveaway!)

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A New Alarm Clock (or Letting Go Of A Little OCD)

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Surviving At The Dentist (or When Will I Grow Out Of My Fear)

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Getting In The Ocean (or My Final Day In Maui)

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Failure of a Plan (or Balancing Out The Good And The Bad)

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Anatomy of a Panic Attack (or How I Spent My Friday Night)

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My Fear of the Dentist (or Why I’m a Faint Risk)

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Fear of Failing (or How My Car Accident and Weight Loss Are Related)

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