There are some things that I just love to share with everyone (I mean, hello, I’m writing a blog!). But there are other things that I either keep to myself or share half truths about.
I’ve found that being secretive like this is dangerous. When something isn’t out in the open, it eats you up inside.
The two main things I’ve been secretive about in the past are my issues with food and my credit card debt.
I kept my credit card debt a secret because I didn’t know anybody else with debt. Maybe student loans, but not credit cards. Nobody in my family really has credit card debt. I was taught to always pay off the full balance each month. And I did do that for a while. But then I found myself without a job. And I still had bills to pay. So they went on my credit card. And now, I have debt.
But I’m working my way towards paying it off. It’s going to take some time, but I’ll do it. And once I started telling people I had debt, I started hearing from other people that are in the same situation as me. For some reason, people don’t like to talk about it, so it feels like something to be ashamed of. But it’s not. So here I am saying that I have credit card debt, it sucks, but I’m working on paying it off.
My issues with food is something harder for me to discuss. This is something that I’ve dealt with my entire life, and I’ve only been honest with myself for the last few years. For those of you who don’t know me that well (or I just haven’t told you this yet), I have an eating disorder. I’ve probably had it most of my life, but it was only properly diagnosed when I was in college. The thing that sucks the most for me is that I don’t have anorexia or bulimia, I am a binge eater. And that seems to be the eating disorder that isn’t as studied or as common to hear about. Most people are pretty secretive about having it. So as I’ve tried to get treatment, it’s very difficult to find someone who understands my disorder and doesn’t try to treat me as a bulimic.
So revealing this to you all is a big step. And I only had the courage to do it after something that happened yesterday. I was out at happy hour at Bodega with my best friend. She and I have been friends for 20 years, so she’s more than just my best friend, she’s my family. We were deciding on what food to order for dinner when I had mentioned that I hadn’t really had too much food that day. I was saving my calories for happy hour. I wanted to prove it, so I got out my phone and showed her my food diary I keep on My Fitness Pal (which is an awesome app). We were laughing about it and she mentioned that she uses the app too. For some crazy reason, in my head I only thought that people who use the app are people struggling to lose weight. But my friend doesn’t have a weight problem. She’s super in shape and has even done a marathon before!
And then it hit me. Keeping track of your food is something that normal people do. Just like how I’m not the only one with debt, I’m not the only one who tracks my food and workout calories. Somehow, this made me feel so much better. I don’t need to be ashamed of tracking my food and trying to live a healthy lifestyle. This is what I should be sharing with everyone.
So I am.
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