Tag Archives: breast cancer

Time For A Celebration! (or A Pie Date)

Yesterday marked my mom’s final day of chemo. Not just the final day of a type of chemo. The end of all chemo treatments!

Even though my mom still has radiation to go, the end of chemo is something that everyone in my family has been counting down to. It seems like it’s taken forever and taken no time at all at the same time.

I told my mom that she should celebrate with the nurses at the chemo room. She was already ahead of me and told me that she was going to make a carrot cake for everyone. And I promised to celebrate for her in LA.

A few days ago, it was National Pie Day. My pie friend, Emily invited me out to pie but I had to work a crazy shift that day. So I suggested we get pie to celebrate the end of chemo. We went to Marie Calendars (where we always go for pie) and my friend Kate joined us too.

The way we always get pie is each person gets a slice and then we share the slices among the group. So we got 3 slices: cream cheese, chocolate, and razzleberry.

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I know the pie doesn’t look pretty since we cut each slice up to share, but it was still delicious!

It was a nice lunch outing. We spent a lot of time catching up on life and I updated my friends on my job situation. One of the advantages of being laid off is having time to see people I haven’t seen in forever and having a relaxing visit with then.

And of course, we thought about how awesome my mom is. Through all of the chemo, she’s rarely complained. The only times I really remember her saying a thing negative is when I called to ask how she was and she’d tell me that she was having a bit of joint pain. But the pain didn’t get her down. She’s been busy training Tucker and making sure that he is becoming a well-behaved and polite dog (he’s totally getting there). She’s played tennis every week and her record has way more wins than losses.

Even though radiation is an unknown and we don’t know if it will be easy or tough on my mom, I don’t question for a second that she won’t still be kicking butt and doing all of her usual things every day.

The final countdown of my mom’s treatment has begun and I can’t wait until we can really celebrate the end of this.

400 Posts (or Wow, That’s A Lot Of Writing!)

Today marks my 400th post on Finding My Inner Bombshell! I remember when I started writing I wondered how long I could keep doing this. Now, it’s a part of my day that I look forward to!

I’ve mentioned in the past how this blog is almost like therapy for me. I’ve gotten so much out of it that I would probably still do this even if nobody read it (but please keep reading it because I love the feedback and stories I hear from you all!). Writing on here has also helped my relationship with my family and friends. There have been many things that I never would have the courage to share with them if I had to say it out loud. But writing it helps to disconnect it from me and make it seem less personal.

In the last 400 posts, I’ve done a lot of things. So I thought I’d share some of the highlights of my first 399 posts.

The scariest (and best) thing I’ve ever put on here was in the beginning when I wrote about my eating disorder and credit card debt. I was so terrified to put that out into the world. I’ve hidden both of those things for many years and even some of my close family had no idea (or if they did, it’s because they guessed it and not because I ever told them). But after writing that post, it was like there was a weight lifted off my shoulders. And people started sharing their stories about money issues or eating disorders. I had no idea so many people had the same problems as me. By sharing my story, I discovered I wasn’t alone.

Another tough post to write was when I wrote about my mom being diagnosed with breast cancer. I knew about the cancer for a few weeks before I was allowed to share her story. I felt like I was faking it on the blog because I couldn’t be completely honest. But sharing that story again has made me feel less alone. Many people have shared their stories with family members dealing with cancer. When my mom was diagnosed, I started to research joining a support group. I never found one that I connected with. Then once I shared on here, I realized that my support group was on the blog. And I hope that I can support others in the future who are going through the same thing. And just to update you on my mom, she’s still kicking butt and only has 1 more chemo treatment to go before starting radiation (the final treatment step)!

The most positive thing that has happened since starting the blog was discovering SoulCycle. I never thought I would connect with exercise this way. But it’s happened and I’m definitely obsessed (this entire list is totally true for me). Celebrating a year doing the same exercise is a first for me, and I’m already looking forward to my next SoulCycle milestone (maybe taking 50 classes?).

I wish I could make some predictions to what the next 400 posts will bring. But honestly, when I started this 400 posts ago, I had no idea that it would become what it is today.

Thank you all for reading and following my journey so far. I just know that the journey will only continue to get better and there are amazing things ahead for me.

The Sorority Nobody Wants To Belong To (or Getting Support From Strangers)

I wanted to share another story from the weSPARK 5K this past Sunday.

After the 5K was over, I spent some time at the expo by the finish line. I was having some serious shin splints (I think it was due to the crazy hill) and I wanted to stretch for a bit before I sat in my car to drive home.

I decided to watch the medals being given out to the winners of the 5K and 10K and the top 3 finishers in each age group. They didn’t announce the times for the winners, but I know that they finished extremely quickly.

As I was watching, the woman who got 2nd place in her age group approached me and asked me if I would take a photo of her and her friend. Of course I said yes. The friend of the 2nd place winner (sadly, I never got either of their names) had never done a 5K before this race, so they were both celebrating.

I congratulated them both and then noticed the hats that they both were wearing which said that they were breast cancer survivors. I mentioned to them that my mom is going through treatment for breast cancer, and it was like instantaneously we were friends.

They both asked me what type of cancer and what stage it is. They wanted to know what treatments she’s had already and what treatments she has coming up. And they wanted to know how she was doing. I shared her information with them and they both shared their stories with me.

While I’ve noticed that since I’ve shared my mom’s story with others that people have been sharing their stories with me. There are friends that I never knew had family members with breast cancer who have told me how well their family members have been doing. I know this might sound horrible, but it’s almost like now I’m a member of a secret club or sorority. As soon as someone who has gone through this learns what my family is going through, they take me under their wing.

It’s kind of nice because this is a big unknown for my family and I appreciate getting advice and hearing stories of how well people are doing after cancer.

I know that sometimes it seems like everything is about breast cancer and not about other cancers (and I’ve read plenty of stories about pink items not going to support breast cancer charities). But I appreciate that so many people are willing to share their stories with me and giving me and my family support.

And to the ladies that I spoke to on Sunday, I’m sorry that I didn’t get your names and properly introduce myself. But thank you for sharing your stories with me and for wishing my mom the best.

Mom Update (or Two Steps Done, Two More To Go)

Today is an exciting day (at least for me) in my mom’s ass-kicking of cancer. Today she will be getting the last chemo infusion of this particular chemo drug.

My mom has essentially 4 steps to go through with all of this. First was the mastectomy, and we all know she kicked ass at that! I’m still amazed how fast she recovered.

The second step was this first chemo drug. She got it 4 times over 2 months (one infusion every other week). She’s again kicking ass at this. While she’s gotten a bit achy and maybe has to rest a bit more than normal, she hasn’t gotten sick once! And she continues to win almost all of her tennis matches (and I know her tennis friends aren’t going easy on her).

In two weeks, she will be starting step 3. It’s another chemo drug. This time it will be every week for 3 months. This drug is supposed to be easier than the first one, but everyone reacts differently.

After all the chemo will be radiation.

It seems like a lot, but when you think about it, she’s finished half of the steps that she has to do. I think that is awesome!

I won’t be seeing my mom until she’s gone through several weeks of the new chemo. I’m planning on going home around Christmas (I have a couple of days off of work then) and it can’t come soon enough. I’m still feeling a bit guilty for being in LA living my life while my mom is going through all this. She’s got my dad there and she can go to San Francisco to see my brother (or he can drive down to my parents), but I’m here. I know that it’s what my mom wants me to do (she wants everyone to keep going on like everything is normal, which I think is helping her stay healthy through all of this). But I wish that December would get here sooner so I can be there and help out doing whatever my parents need me to do.

I honestly think that I’m always going to feel a little guilty that I didn’t drop everything to be there for my mom for these months (the entire length of treatment is supposed to be about 9 months), but I have to think back to when I had my hip surgery (not that I’m comparing cancer with my hip issues, but it’s all I’ve got in personal experience). While I did want my parents to come to LA when I had my surgery to help me come home from surgery and drive me around while I recovered, I was happy to be independent again when they left. And the main reason that I needed them there for a lot of things was that I lived alone and wasn’t dating anyone. So there was nobody to take care of me. My mom has my dad there, and since he’s a retired doctor, I think he’s a pretty great choice as a caretaker.

I’m excited to see my mom doing so well with everything that she’s taken on, and that makes some of the guilt go away. She doesn’t need me there because she isn’t allowing herself to be sick. She’s doing pretty much everything that she did before her diagnosis now and that’s the example that I should be living by.

It’s Always Unexpected (or Sending Positive Energy To A Co-Worker)

So we’ve been back at work since Tuesday, and while not everyone has been at every shift, there’s been one co-worker who hasn’t been back yet. I knew he just had some dental work, and we all thought that he was recovering from that.

But yesterday, he came into work to talk to our boss about something. Then he came out and told us the news: he has liver cancer.

I’m not sharing who this is to protect his privacy (I didn’t ask him if I could blog about him). But even with this person being anonymous, I’m hoping that we can all share some positive energy his way.

When he told me the news, the next thing he wanted to talk about was my mom. He knew that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer before we all went on unemployment. And he was always asking about her and hoping for the best.

My mom is extremely lucky to have a lot of amazing people in her life. Everyone I know is sending her positive energy and healing thoughts every day. My friend Erin (who does my hair) made a donation to breast cancer research in my mom’s name this week. And my birthday twin Joanna dedicated her yoga practice one day to my mom. I know that every bit of this is helping. I’m not the sort of person to believe in prayer (I was raised very very reform Jewish and we never really went to temple), but I believe in positive thoughts and energy. And I know that it works. My mom is the proof.

I can only hope that my co-worker has the same type of people in his life. Of course I’m going to be thinking about him everyday and sending positive thoughts his way, but I know that the more people who do it the more power it has. This particular co-worker doesn’t really use the internet so I don’t really have a way to connect with him while he’s getting treatment. But I’m still going to send him positive energy even if he doesn’t know about it.

And what I’m asking of all of you is one simple thing. If you are sending positive thoughts, healing energy, or prayers to my mom; can you just add my co-worker to your thoughts? I know that you all don’t know him, but I know that he would appreciate it.

Thanks everyone.

More Goodness (or I Got Chipped!)

Yesterday started off of a down note. It was getting ready to rain here in LA, and my hips were killing me! No painkiller seemed to be working. So I spent the morning in bed doing stretches (and catching up on my reading).

I finally started to feel better around noon and as I was walking into my living room, my doorbell rang. I opened the door to find the FedEx guy with a box for me.

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I seriously love that it was addressed to “Finding My Inner Bombshell”! I opened up the box to find this inside.

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A gift from Food Should Taste Good! They are promoting their Food Should Do Good program. This month they will be donating $100,000 to Play for P.I.N.K. to support breast cancer research.

Obviously, breast cancer research now means a lot more to me now than it used to. But I’ve also seen reports about companies exploiting the idea of pink things. You have to be careful about buying pink items to support breast cancer. But I’m proud to say that I did some research on Play for P.I.N.K. and they seem awesome! They use various sport events to raise money for The Breast Cancer Research Foundation. This seems pretty fitting to support my mom since she is still kicking butt on the tennis field even while going through chemo!

I haven’t opened the bags of chips yet. I have a friend coming over tonight for a happy hour hangout and I’m trying a new dip recipe to have with them.

It’s nice to have something bring a smile on my face when I was in such a foul mood when I woke up. I tried to continue the good mood by getting a lot of work stuff done. I also made it out to run some errands that I had been putting off (I’m so grateful for underground parking so I didn’t have to go out in the rain).

It’s not raining anymore here but I’m still in more pain that usual. Hopefully it will go away quickly because I’ve got a bunch of 5Ks coming up soon that I want to get some training done for!

Cancer Questions (or Hopefully This Will Help Someone Else)

Ever since I posted on here about my mom having breast cancer, I’ve gotten a ton of support. This is so appreciated because my family is going through uncharted waters here. Nobody in our family has had breast cancer before and even though most of my family is in the medical field, there is still a lot of unknown for us.

I’ve also gotten questions from people who want to know more information about what is going on. Some of the things are private, but I want to share a bunch of stuff on here. When my mom was diagnosed, I did a lot of searching online for support and what to expect. I had to be careful where I looked because there is a lot of crazy scary information and I don’t need to become obsessed with what’s out there.

So here are a couple of questions that people have asked me and that I hope will help anyone else going through what my family is going through.

What is my mom’s treatment plan?

My mom had her mastectomy during the summer and is pretty much healed from that. She believes (and I agree with her) that the surgery probably got all of the cancer out of her body. But as a precaution, she is now having chemo. My dad goes with her and since our family dog is a therapy dog, he can go too (I don’t think he has gone yet). She will have a few months of chemo and then finish with some radiation to get rid of any cancer that may be left. I’m so optimistic that this treatment will result in her being 100% cancer free in the end.

Has my mom lost her hair?

As I am typing this, she has not lost her hair. With the type of chemo drugs that she’s getting, she will probably lose it. But she already has an amazing wig and will be wearing that. She actually wore it to my brother’s wedding and I think it looks amazing (she thinks it even looks better than her real hair).

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Am I going to get tested for BRCA (the breast cancer gene)?

This was one of the first things I asked my mom once I stopped crying when she told me she had cancer. I wanted to know if I needed to be tested. As of right now, I’m not being tested. It doesn’t really work like that. First my mom and I are going to take an online class about what it means if you get tested and test positive for the mutation. Then my mom has to meet with a geneticist. After that, my mom gets tested. If she tests positive for the mutation, then she will share that with me and I can decided if I want to get tested (I think that if it comes to this, I will). With my family background being Ashkenazi Jew, I already have a 1 in 4 chance of having this mutation. But if my mom tests negative for the mutation, the chances of me having it are extremely slim so I would not get tested.

Is there anything that people can do to help my family?

This is one of the most common questions people have asked me, and it is one of the most wonderful things that people could ask. As of right now, no, there is nothing that my family needs. My mom is doing amazing and my dad is there to help with anything she needs. If anyone would like to do anything, I ask that you donate to weSPARK. They support people with cancer and their families, and donations help to keep all their programs free of charge. I’m trying to raise $100 before the 5K in November and would love any help you would be willing to give to help me reach that goal.

I hope the answers I’ve given help you understand more of what my mom is going through and see that despite a cancer diagnosis, my mom is kicking as much butt as usual. And if you have a parent with breast cancer and want to chat, feel free to reach out to me. I’m more than happy to connect with people who are in the same boat.

The New Normal (or Worrying From Far Away)

Yesterday was my mom’s first day of chemo. She did awesome, I had a weird day.

I was at work for the day (only a few more days left before unemployment). And my whole shift I was wondering what was happening with my mom. I know that my dad was with her so she wasn’t alone. And I helped her get her laptop set up for Netflix so she could watch tv shows while getting the treatment (she picked out “Orange Is The New Black” and “How I Met Your Mother” as the shows she’ll watch during chemo). But I had the weirdest thoughts in my head.

I was curious if she made any friends in the chemo room. I wanted her to have a good time while there (or as good of a time as you could while getting chemo). I wanted the nurses to be super nice to her (turns out, my mom gave them all triple-layer brownies so they love her even more than they already did).

A friend joked to me that I’m almost worrying about her like a parent worries about their kid on the first day of school.

My mom texted me as soon as she was done yesterday and I also talked to her on the phone, so I know that she’s ok. And I really have no question that she will be ok.

But it’s weird not being there for her and my dad. I’m planning on flying up there sometime next month to hangout and do some more cleaning on my old bedroom (which was turned into a gym about 10 years ago). But somehow I feel like I should be there 24/7.

I know that that isn’t a reality, nor do my parents want me there all the time. But I feel kind of helpless in LA. When I talked to my mom yesterday after her chemo, she was talking about how she was making dinner for the next night so she didn’t have to worry about it then. She shouldn’t have to be making dinners (but she does love to cook so it isn’t a total chore for her). I should be. And yes, I’ve looked into the cost of me making food and shipping it to her and it is beyond ridiculous. Maybe if I win the lottery or something I could do it, but it won’t be happening otherwise.

So for now, I’m just at my house waiting and worrying. I know that eventually, all of this will feel normal to me. I’m just hoping that that eventually comes soon.

Working On My Inner Badass (or How Spinning Fit In Perfectly With My Life Yesterday)

My plan was originally to share my fun plans I had this past weekend on here today, but that’s being pushed back by what happened in spin class yesterday.

I had the day off of work (thank you Labor Day!), so I went to SoulCycle for a mid-morning workout (a rare treat). The instructor for this particular class was Patrick. I’ve taken his class before and have really enjoyed it.

First of all, this was the toughest spin class I’ve ever gone to (even tougher than the very first class). There were moments that I questioned if I could complete the workout. But I took it slow and took some more breaks than I usually would take in class. And after class, I chatted with a couple of other riders who agreed that this class was the toughest that they’ve even taken (which made me proud that I was able to do it).

One of the things that I loved about SoulCycle from the beginning was the positivity and motivation from the instructions. It’s part spinning part meditation/affirmation time for me.

I was having a bit of a rough morning. Even though I’m not crying all the time about my mom’s cancer anymore, writing yesterday’s blog post really got to me. It was extremely difficult to write the post, and I cried pretty much the entire time writing it. The whole time I thought about how tough my mom is being through all of this. She is totally the rock in the family. And I’m not doing as well as I’d like to about being tough and a true badass like her.

Anyway, back to what happened in spin class. Patrick was having us work like crazy during this one song. We were pedaling super fast and did what felt like a million pushups on the handlebars. My shoulders and arms were killing me and sweat was pouring off my face. When we were getting toward the end of the song, Patrick talked about being tough and pedaling through the very last note of the song. He talked about how we all have a badass inside of us and we just need to bring it out.

That seriously hit home for me. Somewhere inside me, I am a badass. I’m sure I inherited my badassness from my mom (sorry Dad). I’m working really hard to find my inner bombshell, but at the same time, I need to find my inner badass. It’s there somewhere, I just needed to know to go and look for it.

I really felt like being in that class, with that instructor, at that time, and hearing those words really was a sign. I joke on my twitter profile that I’m a girl with Southern charm and Jersey moxie (my mom is originally from Louisiana and my dad is from New Jersey). So why can’t I work on having both an inner bombshell and inner badass?

I’m not going to change the name of this blog (that is far too much work), but I am going to focus on finding my inner badass now too.

F#*k Cancer (or Proof That My Mom Is A Badass)

There’s been something that I’ve wanted to share on here for a couple of weeks now, but I had to wait for the right time. Technically, this isn’t my news to share so I had to wait to get the ok to put it out in the world.

My mom has breast cancer.

I found out on the day of the rainy beach trip and the Reckless Love wine event. Between the beach and the event, my mom called me to give me the news. I had no idea that she had been seeing a doctor about this, so it came as a complete shock to me.

I pretty much cried for 3 days. But then I realized that crying does no good for me or my mom. So I’m working on being tough about it.

My mom had a mastectomy already. She did amazing in the surgery. The original plan was for her to be there 23 hours, but she managed to leave about an hour after the surgery was done (since I couldn’t be there that day, my mom and I FaceTimed as soon as she was in recovery). It was about a month ago.

When I was in Tahoe recently, I got to see the scar (and I think it is possibly the most awesome scar that I’ve ever seen). And my mom gets to wait until after my brother’s wedding next week to start chemo, so that’s very good news. I would hate for her to be feeling side effects of chemo during the wedding.

My mom has been so amazing since finding out. She’s taking everything in stride. She knows that she’ll lose her hair during chemo, so she already went out and got a wig that looks just like her regular hair.

When my mom put it out to all of her Facebook friends (which was the moment I was allowed to start sharing this publicly), she wrote a short note describing what’s going on. But she ended the note by saying “I did not have a choice in getting this disease, but I do have a choice to live a happy, full life everyday”.

I think that is an important message for anyone. I try to focus on staying positive all the time, even when things don’t seem to be going my way. And I’m aware that positive thinking can do wonders when you are dealing with illness. So I decided to get my mom and I matching bracelets to remind us to stay positive.

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It will be important for me to stay positive while I’m not able to be with my mom for every doctor’s appointment (which I’d like to be so I can try to understand this all). And while my mom has been super positive since the beginning, I know that with chemo and radiation ahead, she might have some tough times. So by having this bracelet on (which I wear every single day and only take off to sleep), we can focus on the good and not the bad.

While I might sound like things aren’t super wonderful with my mom right now, that’s not true. She technically does have cancer, but in the month since she’s had her mastectomy, she has done some truly badass things. Such as driving our off-road jeep (and making me bounce so hard in the seat that I came home with bruises), rowing a boat with our dog inside, numerous hikes (I can’t even think of counting them all), and won all her tennis matches since her surgery.

I know that many of you reading this don’t know my mom personally. But when I told people who do know her about her cancer, they all pretty much said the same thing. My mom is the toughest person out there. If anyone could beat cancer (and completely kick its ass), she could.

I promise to keep you all updated on my mom’s journey. The one thing everyone in my family has learned over the last month is that cancer is not a straight line journey. There will be some twists and turns. But after all the twists and turns, I can’t see anything else for my mom in the future other than beating this.