I write about having monthly pain and nausea on here all the time. It’s an unfortunate and annoying occurrence in my life that I deal with every single month. Sometimes I will have a better month, but I haven’t had a month without dealing with this since I had to stop taking continuous birth control. And while I have medications and other things to make me feel better, sometimes it’s just not enough. And this month, it’s one of those months where things just aren’t getting better.
Most months, I deal with this for about 10 days. Sometimes it’s a little less because I feel almost normal earlier than I expect. When I first got off the pill, it would occasionally last for 2 weeks, but that rarely happened and almost never happens now. But of course, this month looks like it may be a month I have pain and nausea for at least 2 weeks.
I’m still in the middle of things, so there is a chance it will get better sooner. But honestly, I’ve been pretty miserable since the middle of last week. The pain can be unbearable at times, even with being on constant painkillers. The nausea isn’t as unbearable, but it is more annoying because I never can tell if I will end up throwing up or not. I’m lucky that my body seems to know when I am in public and not able to be sick, but that’s still a fear I have all the time.
But besides the pain and nausea, I just hate not feeling like me. The bloating is bad, but it’s worse when none of my clothes fit and I have to convince my brain that it’s not because I really gained a ton of weight. Being crabby and irritated isn’t my natural state and I sometimes have to work hard to not take that out on other people. I’m trying to be more social now that it’s possible, but right now I just want to curl up on my bed and nap. I try to force myself to not do that, but sometimes I just can’t find the motivation to do anything else.
And even though this is my blog and I can write about whatever I want to, I hate that I’m complaining about this. I know that things can be better (and they were for so long and I miss that time), but I also know that things could be worse. Having regular cycles is a sign that my body is still working the way it should. I know there are a lot of issues that I might not know about even with a regular cycle, but it is still a good sign. It would be worse if I was constantly going through medical tests to figure out what is wrong with my hormones or body, and I have several friends who have to do that. Hearing their stories of various tests and procedures does make me grateful that my issues can be planned and scheduled around.
As much as I try to be positive and think that maybe I’m being dramatic and my body will surprise me, I have to be prepared for it not to be that way. And even if I felt completely normal again tomorrow (unlikely, but you never know), the past week has still been one of the worst times I’ve had and it’s been a real issue in my life and trying to be able to do anything.
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