Last week for me was a bit of a busy week. I had some really fun things that I got to do and I was around a lot of people. It felt like a week I would have had before the pandemic. And I was surprised that I wasn’t feeling burnout after being so social since that’s something I’ve experienced before. I was just living my life and loving having things to do and being around others. But I guess my new way of balancing is having one week on and one week off because this week has been the exact opposite.
I knew this week might be a tough one for me because I was expecting to have my pain and nausea kick in. And it did do that right after I got home from Santa Barbara (I was so glad that I wasn’t feeling horrible while I was with my family). And this month, it has been extremely bad. I have been taking all the medications that I have available and it hasn’t been taking the edge off. I’ve been working a lot from my bed because it’s uncomfortable to sit up at my desk for too long. And I’ve been using my heat pad so much that I’ve been turning on my air conditioning even though it’s not hot out, I’m just getting overheated from having the heating pad on me for so many hours in the day.
I’m glad I didn’t have anything really scheduled for this week because I just wouldn’t have been up for doing it. And I’ve also been exhausted so I would probably be tired if I were doing something and not enjoying it the way I should. As much as I’ve been trying to get enough sleep each night, I’m not sleeping well and I can see that in the app I use to track my sleep. I’m tossing and turning all night and I feel like I’m dragging all day. It’s not that I’m going to bed too late, I’m just not sleeping when I should be.
I know that this week is not necessarily normal for me. I also know that every month I can have a week or two like this. It’s always just frustrating and annoying when they are as bad as this week has been so far. I don’t have a lot of motivation to do stuff, so I have to put my focus on doing things that I have to do like working. But anything outside of my required things each day seems like too much effort. I’m trying to not be upset with myself for acting like this because clearly, my body has needed this week to not be a social one. But when I was so happy last week with how being out in the world again made me feel, this can feel a bit depressing.
I don’t have any plans for this weekend yet, but I also don’t want to make any plans until I know how I feel. I might need this weekend to rest and relax or I might be craving being social again and will make plans at that point. It’s so hard to know what I’ll want to do when I don’t know how I’ll be feeling. And I also worry because I could be feeling ok one moment and then I start experiencing really bad nausea again. So it can be better to lay low instead of making plans and having to cancel them. And hopefully, it won’t be that much longer before I feel ok again and I can get back to trying to make some fun plans.
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