Category Archives: Weight Loss

Holding On (or When Is It Time To Donate Old Clothes?)

Posted on December 11, 2012 | 2 comments

When I lived at my old apartment, my closet was so big, you could fit a bed in there (seriously). I kept all my clothes in there, even those that didn’t fit because they were too big or too small. In my current house, my closet is tiny (people in the 1920’s didn’t have nearly as many clothes as we do now).

So under my bed, I’ve got these:

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They are giant under the bed clothing storage bags (you can tell that they are almost as long as my queen bed is wide).

In those bags, I’ve kept a lot of my “skinny” clothes. There are some things in there that I never got to wear (the white top with a blue Hawaiian print was never worn). Some of these clothes probably won’t ever be worn again because they are a bit out of style or I feel are a little too young for me. I should probably drop them off at Goodwill to get a tax deduction.

But I can’t seem to get rid of them.

I’ve got this dress that I loved in the summertime. Here I am wearing it at Disneyland.

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And this dress that I wore to my brother’s graduation from USC.

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I wore this dress to my Grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary dinner.

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And this dress was only worn once on the night after Thanksgiving one year for my Grandma’s birthday dinner.

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I’ve got my high school prom dress (I liked when I was the same size I was in high school).

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And I’ve got a bathing suit that I wore when I was very close to my goal weight in 2007 (I remember being so nervous to wear it because my scars from my hip surgery had not fully faded after a year).

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Some of these things, I probably will want to keep forever for sentimental reasons. But when I was digging though the bags over the weekend, I realized that some of these items would be perfect for the week I’ll be in Hawaii for my brother’s wedding next year.

I don’t want to make it a goal to fit into them, because if I don’t I’ll be very upset and could be a bit depressed. But if I did manage to fit into them, it would be amazing.

I’m thinking about taking one dress out of the bag soon and keeping it in my closet as a test dress. Maybe as I keep losing weight (even though it’s still going slowly) I can see how much closer I am to fitting into it.

I know I need something other than the scale to test my progress and maybe this could be it.

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Posted in Shopping, Weight Loss

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Alternative Motivation (or Why Can’t I Transfer My Dedication From One Area to Another)

Posted on December 10, 2012 | Comments Off on Alternative Motivation (or Why Can’t I Transfer My Dedication From One Area to Another)

On Friday evening, I attended the Actors’ Network annual holiday party. I love this holiday party! It’s a great mix of industry types and I always run into people who I don’t see as often as I’d like.

I haven’t been able to go to many Actors’ Network events since starting my new day job in May. Most events are between 1 and 7:30pm and I pretty much always working then. I plan on attending more events when I’m (f)unemployed soon.

As I was chatting with a friend who I hadn’t seen in almost a year, we were discussing what had been keeping us busy. I mentioned this blog, and they asked me about it. I said how I just recently passed 100 blog posts and they commented on how motivated and dedicated I must be.

I always have thought of myself as someone who needs more motivation in life. If I was a motivated person, I shouldn’t have a weight issue. I would be motivated to eat better and exercise more.

But the more I thought about it, it’s true that I’m really motivated.

I’m motivated to write every day here, and I’m super happy about that. I love thinking of what to write about and what you will all think about it.

I’m also really motivated in my job, which is good.

I’m motivated to keep acting. I know that one day I’ll “make it” and it will all be worth it.

I’m motivated to watch my favorite tv shows even when I’m tired (this might not be the best one, but it’s true).

I just can’t find the motivation all the time for my health. I don’t know what the block is in my brain. I want to do it, but I can’t seem to do it. I don’t know if I’ve convinced myself that I don’t have enough time/energy/whatever to do it. But now that someone else has made me realize that I do have a motivated personality, I’m going to work on figuring it out.

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Posted in Acting, Fitness, Food, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss, Work

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Trying to Gain The Fitness Bug (or I Wish I Was More Motivated)

Posted on November 28, 2012 | 6 comments

I’m not doing too shabby on eating better. I eat breakfast every day (normally some toast with peanut butter and some fruit) and I’ve been pretty good about trying to bring my lunch to work. Dinner is still a bit tough because I never want to cook when I get home after leaving work at 9pm, but my parents just bought me a slow cooker, so hopefully that will change soon.

Where I’m struggling is working out. I like to go hiking, but with my current schedule, it’s tough to find time to go. Maybe that could change when I’m unemployed for a few months. I’ve tried yoga, and while it’s fun, I don’t think I’ll continue on a regular basis after my Living Social deal is done. It’s pretty expensive. I like doing 5Ks, and I’m signed up for another one next year already, but I need something to do on a regular basis.

I have a fitness bike in my house that I really like. It’s right in front of my tv so I can catch up on my shows while I work out. I try to get on it 3 days a week, but lately that’s been tough. Part of it was my travel schedule and trying to fit everything in before I went home for Thanksgiving. I find it easiest to workout on the days where my shift starts at noon. I can work out when I wake up and have time to shower before heading to work. Since it’s in my house, I don’t have to worry about driving to a gym or if I have gym clothes without holes.

I’m pretty steady in my bike workouts, but I want to push myself more. It’s hard to self motivate, especially when you are working out alone in your house. I started by wanting to add more minutes to my workout. But now, I want to try to increase the resistance. I’m going to try to go slow (that’s what worked for increasing the time), but I wish it was easier.

I know plenty of people who are essentially addicted to exercise. They crave it every day. I want to be one of them. I just don’t know how to get there.

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Posted in Fitness, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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Readjusting (or Leaving Vacation Mode)

Posted on October 23, 2012 | Comments Off on Readjusting (or Leaving Vacation Mode)

Even though I was only in Texas for 2 half days and 1 full day, it felt like a vacation. I got away from any stress I have at home and could pretend that I didn’t have to worry about work.

I wasn’t thinking about what food I was eating. My dinner on Friday and Saturday were part of the wedding festivities. I had brunch at my hotel on Saturday, and on  Sunday I had breakfast at the airport. I wanted to enjoy the wedding meals, so I wasn’t thinking calories.

I also got kind of jet-lagged. Even though it’s only a 2 hour time difference, I got affected.

But now I’m back to real life. I had an early day at work yesterday, and I’ve got 3 more 8 hour days in a row ahead (I’m taking Friday off to take new headshots). I live-tweeted the debates again. And I need to go back to monitoring my food.

I gained 3 pounds on my trip. Yes, some of that is due to the food I ate, but I think at least part of it is from the stress of travel. When I weighed myself this morning, I’ve lost 2 of those pounds. I want to be at least at the weight I was last week before my photo shoot.

My next trip is going to be Thanksgiving. I’ve got plenty of time to get back to my old self (or even be better than my old self) by then. This week, I’m just focused on my food and detoxing from all the yummy BBQ I ate this weekend.

I don’t detox with anything weird, I just record everything that I eat and try to eat as few processed foods as possible. And hopefully I’ll be back to me quickly.

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Posted in Food, Weight Loss

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Enjoying The Now (or Not Trying To Skip Ahead To The Good Parts)

Posted on October 11, 2012 | Comments Off on Enjoying The Now (or Not Trying To Skip Ahead To The Good Parts)

As much as I want to think ahead to what might be in the future, I’m trying to focus on right now in my life.

The future is so uncertain in so many ways. As much as I want to think about how much weight I’ll have lost by my brother’s wedding, I have no idea what will happen so I need to focus on enjoying the weight I’ve lost so far.

I’m focusing on what’s coming up in the immediate future. My brother’s birthday and my friend’s wedding are both next week.

I love that Halloween is coming up this month. It’s really one of my favorite holidays. I used to work at Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios (I’ll write about that some other time and include some pictures) and that just made my love for the holiday stronger. I only wish that stores would have Halloween stuff up.

I went to Bed Bath & Beyond recently to get my new scale, and this is the display that was at the front

 

Stores: stop skipping ahead holidays! I want to see what you have for Halloween and Thanksgiving before Hanukkah (although I appreciate that they did include it and not just have Christmas).

So even though the retail world (and probably some people) are focused 2 months ahead, I’m making a serious effort to focus on the now. I’m making a real effort to celebrate all the moments coming up. I’m making sure I take time to make some nice Halloween decorations and enjoy what October has for me.

And as far as the weight loss goes, it’s really tough for me to focus on what I’ve done now because my head likes to go crazy with what could be in the future. But I’m trying to look at the little things. Like how my clothes fit and stuff like that. Because it’s not a hard and fast thing like the numbers on the scale, I feel like it helps me not think 100 pounds ahead.

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Posted in Fun Stuff, Weight Loss

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What I’ve Been Eating (or Does It Really Matter If I’m Still Under My Calories?)

Posted on October 8, 2012 | 7 comments

If I’m being honest with you all (and myself), my food has not been too great lately. With my work schedule, there are only certain days that I can go to the grocery store. And when I did go this past week, I didn’t really feel like getting enough to last all the days it needed to.

I’ve had some fast food this week. When I don’t bring a lunch with me to work, that’s almost the only option. We only have 30 minutes and most of the restaurants near my work would take much longer than that.

Even though I’ve been eating some foods that I probably shouldn’t, I’m still tracking my calories in My Fitness Pal. And shockingly, I’m staying under my calorie goal most days. These calories are not the best to have, but I’m wondering if that matters.

I’m maintaining the weight loss that I had from both not being able to eat food and being sick. Sometimes, it will go up a pound or two, but I think that’s more from sodium than anything.

I don’t want to be stuck in this routine. It’s not good. But it’s tough to get out. I should have gone to the grocery store yesterday, but I didn’t. And tonight, I’m working until 9pm and I really hate going to the grocery store that late. Honestly, I probably won’t make it to the store until Wednesday.

So I have to figure out what I’ll do for lunch today, tomorrow, and Wednesday. Dinner for tonight and tomorrow most likely will be Subway. Subway is my go-to place and since I get a veggie sandwich, I know I’ll get my vegetable servings in for the day. But lunch is the tricky meal. Since I eat lunch at 4:30, my body isn’t always hungry. But if I don’t eat then, I’ll feel faint by 9pm.

I wish I could write that I have a great plan figured out for this week, but I don’t. I’m probably going to have fast food again. But all I can do is track the calories and work as hard as possible to stay under my numbers for the day.

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Posted in Food, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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Nerves vs. Excitement (or How to Think Positively)

Posted on October 4, 2012 | Comments Off on Nerves vs. Excitement (or How to Think Positively)

In my acting class on Tuesday night, I heard some advice that I’ve heard previously. But for some reason this was the time that the advice really stuck with me.

Nerves are just excitement that is labeled negatively.

This advice come from Jack Plotnick (you can read the whole story that goes along with that advice here).

This advice is perfect for my acting career. I don’t always get nervous for auditions. When the part seems so far away from who I am or what I look like, I don’t worry at all. But when the part I’m reading for sounds just like me and I fit the physical description perfectly, I’m usually a bundle of nerves.

But this advice also works out perfectly for the weight loss journey that I’m on right now. I’m so nervous if this will work this time. Ever other time I’ve lost 100 pounds (and there have been a few times), I’ve done it on some crazy diet plan like the Zone food delivery or on the RFO plan. But this time, I’m doing it the right way. I’m exercising more and being careful what I eat.

One thing that I’ve kept with me from my RFO days is how to figure out how many calories you need to be at any weight. The standard is 10 calories for every pound. So if you want to weigh 130 pounds, you have to have an average of 1300 calories a day. You can eat more if you burn calories exercising, but your daily average is 10 calories per pound.  But within the RFO program, there was a way to figure out our exact numbers. And I only get to have 9.3 calories per pound.

I’m not at the calories right now that I would have to be at to maintain the weight that I hope to be at. That seems a bit too low for me now. So I’m slowly working my way down to that. Once the number of calories I eat every day seems to be ok, I’ll drop my number by 50 calories.

I’m incredibly nervous that I’m never going to like this again:

But now I am going to think how excited I’m going to be when I get closer to my goal. I’m going to be excited to put on clothes that used to fit that now live in a storage bag under my bed. I’m excited to see what the future has in store for me.

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Posted in Acting, Food, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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Being My Authentic Self (or Ignoring All The Outside Voices)

Posted on October 3, 2012 | Comments Off on Being My Authentic Self (or Ignoring All The Outside Voices)

Yesterday, I was working at an interview for Inside Acting Podcast (I’m their production coordinator). I can’t share who was interviewed yet, but this person said some things that really stuck with me. And it wasn’t just what they said that affected me, it was the fact that over the past few days, I’ve heard this so many times.

What they said was that the most important thing to do is to always be true to yourself and be authentic. And to ignore what everyone else might be saying. As long as you are authentic, it doesn’t matter what other people think about yourself.

I first heard this after I wrote this post. People had told me that the girl who called me fat was an idiot (that’s actually one of the nicer words used to describe that person) and that I shouldn’t listen to other people’s opinions of me.

My opinion of myself is most important. The problem comes when my opinion of myself isn’t the most positive.

Since starting this blog, I’ve lost about 10 pounds. That should be amazing. I should be so happy.

But I’m not.

The first problem comes from something that shouldn’t matter. I’m used to getting so much positive reinforcement about my weight loss from other people. People say how good I look and ask me how much I’ve lost. But then when I maintain that weight, the compliments stop coming. And this is where I’ve lost focus in the past. I shouldn’t worry about other people commenting on the change in my body. Yet, I’m still a little peeved that nobody has mentioned anything to me yet (and I’m not fishing for compliments).

I’m also not happy because it doesn’t feel like I’ve lost enough. In the past, when I’ve been on crazy diets, 10 pounds could drop in a week. When you watch “The Biggest Loser”, losing under 10 pounds is a week is a huge disappointment. I need to get myself out of the mindset that losing 1-2 pounds a week is a bad thing.

I’m working really hard at getting all the outside voices out (and my own negative voice out). I’m trying to focus my energy on being true to myself and being the best Jen that I can be.

It sounds so cheesy, but I think it’s exactly what I need.

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Posted in Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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Updating Me (or It Never Hurts To Ask)

Posted on October 2, 2012 | 1 comment

This morning, I had a phone meeting with Joanna Brooks, who is the photographer that I’ll be using for some new headshots. I’m getting some new headshot done because I’ve been using these two for a while and I want some new ones.

And yes, I am wearing the same shirt in both pictures. I didn’t think about that at the time I was taking the second one, but I know that color looks good on me based on Jill Kirsh’s color methods. They are both great pictures, and I love both of the photographers that I worked with, but I need a change.

This photo is pretty much the only thing that decides whether or not I get an audition. When hundreds of actors are submitted for the same job, I need to make sure that my photo stands out and gets their attention.

Joanna and I had a really great phone meeting. I love her energy and she has some great ideas on how to shoot me in order to get the results that I am hoping for.

I had also brought up my weight loss in our phone meeting and my concern about having to do new pictures every time I lose 25-30 pounds. I asked about possibly pre-paying for a bunch of smaller sessions so I could use them when I needed an updated shot. Joanna was so sweet about it on the phone and she gave me a deal for future update shoots that will work perfectly for my budget and what I’ll need. So the plan for me for photos is one shoot this month with 3 looks, update shoots while I’m losing weight, and then once I’m at a weight that I’m happy with and am able to maintain (which is always the tough part) then we’ll do another big shoot then.

I’m so happy that I was able to work something out that works for both her and I. I’m always nervous to ask for something different or special, but if you never ask, you’ll never know. I think the confidence to ask for things like this has come from my day job. When I’m taking orders, we are supposed to ask if the customer would like to also make a donation to help our educational programs. Donations are the main thing that help keep that program alive. At first, I was so scared to ask for the donations. But now, I’m fearless with it. The worst someone can say is no, and then I’m no worse off than I was before I asked.

I’m just glad that when I asked Joanna about update photo shoots for me, she said yes. Now I have another motivation to keep me on this weight loss journey, however long it may take.

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Posted in Acting, Fun Stuff, Weight Loss

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Back to the Grind (or It’s Time to Be a Little Selfish)

Posted on September 26, 2012 | 2 comments

I’ve had a lot of fun stuff lately. My dad left to go back yesterday and now I’m back to the normal grind of stuff until I go to my friend’s wedding in October.

I’m getting over a cold/sinus infection/allergy thing right now, so my energy is a little low. But I’m trying to stay upbeat and beat this bug in my system ASAP!

After so much excitement, it can be hard to get back to the groove of things. I just had 2 days off of work, but now it’s back to 6 days a week. I’ve had company, but now I need to focus on myself a bit.

I’ve mentioned before about fall tv season starting. This is not only a time for research on new shows, it also means that tv is in high production right now and I want to help my agents get me as many auditions as possible. I need to be selfish for a bit and make me the best me I can be.

I’ve got Marci Liroff’s class starting this week which will help me out with the auditions I get. But I’m also looking at getting new headshots as those are the main tool that help me get those auditions.

I’m running into a problem though. I have headshots that look like me right now:

These are great, and when I walk into the audition room, I know that the casting director is going to recognize me as the girl in the picture. And that’s really important.

But after not really eating food for a while, I’ve lost 10 pounds. I don’t feel like I look any different, but that’s got me thinking. How much weight do I need to lose before I do new headshots?

Headshots aren’t cheap. I usually end up spending around $400 for the shots and a makeup artist (which I have found to be a necessity for headshots, not a luxury). If I’m hoping to lose 100 pounds, do I do new pictures every 25 pounds or when I just feel like I don’t look the same any more? I don’t have tons of money right now to spend on them, so I’m thinking of talking to some photographers that I’ve worked with in the past and that I want to work with now and see if someone will maybe let me do a bunch of small sessions where I only get 1 or 2 looks each time.  But I’m not sure anyone will be willing to work on a deal like that.

And I can’t just use pictures that are from when I was thinner, because I don’t look like that person at all. My hair is different (cut and color) and I’m not that young anymore. Here’s one of my headshots from thinner days:

 

I’m looking forward to figuring out what the solution is going to be for getting updated headshots as I lose weight. I also can’t wait to see what my new pictures will look like in the future.

But I also can’t focus too much on what might happen. It’s another of the “what if” situations. So I’m just putting my head down, working hard, and conquering any problem that comes up when it comes up.

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Posted in Acting, Fun Stuff, Saving, Weight Loss

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