Category Archives: Health

One Of My Most Hated Things (or At Least I Didn’t Faint)

Posted on October 1, 2013 | Comments Off on One Of My Most Hated Things (or At Least I Didn’t Faint)

Yesterday, I had to get some blood work done. When I went in for my annual doctor visit in August, my doctor realized that it had been a few years since I had a comprehensive blood workup done. So she placed an order for everything to be checked out.

I’ve mentioned my issue with needles before, and getting blood work done is one of the things that worries me the most. At least shots are quick. Blood draws take time. And for this blood draw, they had to take 9 vials of blood! That’s a lot (at least to me).

I knew I needed to get this done, but it didn’t make it any easier in the morning. My original plan was to go first thing in the morning to get it done, but I chickened out. I remembered that you should drink a bunch of water before having blood drawn so I told myself I needed to stay home and do that.

I finally left my house around noon and when I got to the hospital, there was a long line. You have to take a number and wait your turn, and when I arrived they were on 31 and I had 64. So I spent about an hour trying to read my book.

When it was finally my turn, I explained to the guy drawing my blood that I’m a faint risk. They reclined the chair so I wouldn’t fall off (it’s happened before). As soon as I put my arm out I started crying pretty hard. I wasn’t scared of the needle as much as I was scared of fainting. But somehow, I made it through the entire thing without passing out!

I was having trouble staying conscious. My vision was getting fuzzy and dark and I know that’s how it gets before I faint. But I was able to stay awake. I have to say that the lab guys there were extremely nice to me as well. The guy who was taking my blood kept counting down the vials (that was so helpful!) and there was another guy talking to me the whole time and fanning my face (I don’t know if that helped but it was a distraction).

After I was done, they actually told me that I did well for a person who has issues with needles. A lot of the time with people like me, they have to hold down their arm because they want to move it. At least I kept still.

I’ve gotten the results back already from 6 of the vials and everything is good! I know that with my weight there are concerns about diabetes but my blood sugar was on the low side of normal. I’m still waiting on my cholesterol but that has historically been low (and if it isn’t this time, I just will have to work on adjusting my diet).

While I’m proud of myself for not fainting, I’m still a little embarrassed that I have such a tough time with needles. While I was getting blood work done in LA, my badass mom had to get blood work done in Northern CA (they had to make sure she was ok for her next chemo treatment and she is). I talked with my mom after we both were done and I know that she didn’t even flinch at the needle. She’s always been tough like that. I wish some of that would have been passed down to me.

But for now, I’m just glad that I didn’t have to tell you all about how I fainted at the blood lab (or how I fell off the chair like I did the last time).

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Busting Out Of A Funk (or Controlling My Happiness)

Posted on September 27, 2013 | Comments Off on Busting Out Of A Funk (or Controlling My Happiness)

For some reason on Wednesday evening, I was in a very bad mood. It didn’t have anything to do with the game show, but I’m wondering if that triggered something in me. It was such high energy at the taping and then I came home to an empty house. And I was very hungry because my last meal was before leaving in the morning for the taping (there were snacks for sale there, but it was all junk food).

I ended up eating a dinner that I know that I should not have had. It was not within my calorie goal for the day and it was extremely high in sodium. I regretted it immediately, but what was done was done.

On Thursday morning, I weighed myself to own up to my mistake. My scale was up 8 pounds. Now I know that there is no way I gained 8 pounds with that meal (that would mean my meal was 28,000 calories). But even though I knew that with my head, my heart said something different.

So I spent Thursday morning in a bit of a funk as well. I stayed in bed late reading but I couldn’t get myself into a better mood.

Finally, I decided that I couldn’t wallow all day long. I thought about ways to make myself feel better, but nothing was making the memory of my scale go away.

I was playing with some of the new features on my phone when I thought of something. I had not taken measurements of myself since March. First of all, as an actor it is extremely important to always have updated measurements of yourself. You never know when you will be at Disneyland enjoying the rides when you get a text message from your agents asking for your exact hip measurements (true story). So I have my measurements on my phone in a note app.

But those measurements were done so long ago that I thought maybe they would have changed. So I got my tape measure out and did my measurements again.

And they all have changed! Since March I’ve lost half an inch off of my arms and legs, 1 inch off of my bustline, 1.5 inches off of the largest part of my stomach, and 2.5 inches off of my waist and hips! I know I’ve got a way to go, but it’s something! And while I feel like my scale might lie to me all the time, measurements are pretty accurate!

I will not be giving up on weighing myself. It’s something that I need to do to feel like I’m in control. But I will be trying to do measurements more often. Perhaps once a month. I need to do it for my acting career to give to potential jobs, but more importantly I need to do it to keep things in perspective. While I’m not getting smaller as quickly as I have in the past (or would like to), I am getting smaller!

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Posted in Food, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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The New Normal (or Worrying From Far Away)

Posted on September 19, 2013 | Comments Off on The New Normal (or Worrying From Far Away)

Yesterday was my mom’s first day of chemo. She did awesome, I had a weird day.

I was at work for the day (only a few more days left before unemployment). And my whole shift I was wondering what was happening with my mom. I know that my dad was with her so she wasn’t alone. And I helped her get her laptop set up for Netflix so she could watch tv shows while getting the treatment (she picked out “Orange Is The New Black” and “How I Met Your Mother” as the shows she’ll watch during chemo). But I had the weirdest thoughts in my head.

I was curious if she made any friends in the chemo room. I wanted her to have a good time while there (or as good of a time as you could while getting chemo). I wanted the nurses to be super nice to her (turns out, my mom gave them all triple-layer brownies so they love her even more than they already did).

A friend joked to me that I’m almost worrying about her like a parent worries about their kid on the first day of school.

My mom texted me as soon as she was done yesterday and I also talked to her on the phone, so I know that she’s ok. And I really have no question that she will be ok.

But it’s weird not being there for her and my dad. I’m planning on flying up there sometime next month to hangout and do some more cleaning on my old bedroom (which was turned into a gym about 10 years ago). But somehow I feel like I should be there 24/7.

I know that that isn’t a reality, nor do my parents want me there all the time. But I feel kind of helpless in LA. When I talked to my mom yesterday after her chemo, she was talking about how she was making dinner for the next night so she didn’t have to worry about it then. She shouldn’t have to be making dinners (but she does love to cook so it isn’t a total chore for her). I should be. And yes, I’ve looked into the cost of me making food and shipping it to her and it is beyond ridiculous. Maybe if I win the lottery or something I could do it, but it won’t be happening otherwise.

So for now, I’m just at my house waiting and worrying. I know that eventually, all of this will feel normal to me. I’m just hoping that that eventually comes soon.

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Sharing Some Soul (or Another Day Another Friend At Spin Class)

Posted on September 5, 2013 | 1 comment

Over the weekend, I also got to go to spin class (technically, this day happened before the badass spin class). I’ve been trying to bring more friends with me to spin class, and this time founder of Ms. In The Biz, Helenna Santos-Levy, joined me!

We had been trying to go to a spin class together for a while. I usually go early in the morning, but since Helenna works late nights, that wouldn’t work. Fortunately, we were able to meet up on a day that I didn’t have to work.

Helenna had been to a spin class before, but never at SoulCycle. I had warned her it would be tough, and I’m pretty sure she believed me ahead of time. We took class with Jenny C., who led the beauty ride that I did a few months ago. This was my first class with her since that ride and it reminded me how great her classes are and that I need to find a way to fit her class into my schedule (it will be easier when I’m unemployed again).

The class was wonderful. It was exactly what I needed that day, and I’m pretty sure Helenna had fun too.

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It was great having another friend share in my favorite workout. I know that Helenna and I are going to try to meet up for another spin class in the future.

Something I realized in this class was how I’ve been treating having friends in class with me. A lot of the time, I feel like I want them there so I can prove to them that I do a tough workout (I went through the same thing when I used to work out with Richard Simmons). I know for a fact that some people don’t believe that it is a tough workout because I am able to do it multiple times a week.

But after having a super supportive friend in class with me, I realized that I need to stop feeling that way. People are going to believe what they want about me, and if they want to think that spin class is a super easy workout then let them think it. I just want to have friends with me to enjoy something that I love and maybe to have more buddies to go to class with.

I think this new thought process does have something to do with trying to be more positive. Feeling like I’m always trying to prove something to someone isn’t healthy for me. And honestly, I probably won’t change their minds no matter what anyway. So I just need to focus on having an awesome time with my awesome friends.

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Working On My Inner Badass (or How Spinning Fit In Perfectly With My Life Yesterday)

Posted on September 3, 2013 | 1 comment

My plan was originally to share my fun plans I had this past weekend on here today, but that’s being pushed back by what happened in spin class yesterday.

I had the day off of work (thank you Labor Day!), so I went to SoulCycle for a mid-morning workout (a rare treat). The instructor for this particular class was Patrick. I’ve taken his class before and have really enjoyed it.

First of all, this was the toughest spin class I’ve ever gone to (even tougher than the very first class). There were moments that I questioned if I could complete the workout. But I took it slow and took some more breaks than I usually would take in class. And after class, I chatted with a couple of other riders who agreed that this class was the toughest that they’ve even taken (which made me proud that I was able to do it).

One of the things that I loved about SoulCycle from the beginning was the positivity and motivation from the instructions. It’s part spinning part meditation/affirmation time for me.

I was having a bit of a rough morning. Even though I’m not crying all the time about my mom’s cancer anymore, writing yesterday’s blog post really got to me. It was extremely difficult to write the post, and I cried pretty much the entire time writing it. The whole time I thought about how tough my mom is being through all of this. She is totally the rock in the family. And I’m not doing as well as I’d like to about being tough and a true badass like her.

Anyway, back to what happened in spin class. Patrick was having us work like crazy during this one song. We were pedaling super fast and did what felt like a million pushups on the handlebars. My shoulders and arms were killing me and sweat was pouring off my face. When we were getting toward the end of the song, Patrick talked about being tough and pedaling through the very last note of the song. He talked about how we all have a badass inside of us and we just need to bring it out.

That seriously hit home for me. Somewhere inside me, I am a badass. I’m sure I inherited my badassness from my mom (sorry Dad). I’m working really hard to find my inner bombshell, but at the same time, I need to find my inner badass. It’s there somewhere, I just needed to know to go and look for it.

I really felt like being in that class, with that instructor, at that time, and hearing those words really was a sign. I joke on my twitter profile that I’m a girl with Southern charm and Jersey moxie (my mom is originally from Louisiana and my dad is from New Jersey). So why can’t I work on having both an inner bombshell and inner badass?

I’m not going to change the name of this blog (that is far too much work), but I am going to focus on finding my inner badass now too.

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Posted in Family, Fitness, Fun Stuff, Health, Tough Stuff

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F#*k Cancer (or Proof That My Mom Is A Badass)

Posted on September 2, 2013 | 6 comments

There’s been something that I’ve wanted to share on here for a couple of weeks now, but I had to wait for the right time. Technically, this isn’t my news to share so I had to wait to get the ok to put it out in the world.

My mom has breast cancer.

I found out on the day of the rainy beach trip and the Reckless Love wine event. Between the beach and the event, my mom called me to give me the news. I had no idea that she had been seeing a doctor about this, so it came as a complete shock to me.

I pretty much cried for 3 days. But then I realized that crying does no good for me or my mom. So I’m working on being tough about it.

My mom had a mastectomy already. She did amazing in the surgery. The original plan was for her to be there 23 hours, but she managed to leave about an hour after the surgery was done (since I couldn’t be there that day, my mom and I FaceTimed as soon as she was in recovery). It was about a month ago.

When I was in Tahoe recently, I got to see the scar (and I think it is possibly the most awesome scar that I’ve ever seen). And my mom gets to wait until after my brother’s wedding next week to start chemo, so that’s very good news. I would hate for her to be feeling side effects of chemo during the wedding.

My mom has been so amazing since finding out. She’s taking everything in stride. She knows that she’ll lose her hair during chemo, so she already went out and got a wig that looks just like her regular hair.

When my mom put it out to all of her Facebook friends (which was the moment I was allowed to start sharing this publicly), she wrote a short note describing what’s going on. But she ended the note by saying “I did not have a choice in getting this disease, but I do have a choice to live a happy, full life everyday”.

I think that is an important message for anyone. I try to focus on staying positive all the time, even when things don’t seem to be going my way. And I’m aware that positive thinking can do wonders when you are dealing with illness. So I decided to get my mom and I matching bracelets to remind us to stay positive.

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It will be important for me to stay positive while I’m not able to be with my mom for every doctor’s appointment (which I’d like to be so I can try to understand this all). And while my mom has been super positive since the beginning, I know that with chemo and radiation ahead, she might have some tough times. So by having this bracelet on (which I wear every single day and only take off to sleep), we can focus on the good and not the bad.

While I might sound like things aren’t super wonderful with my mom right now, that’s not true. She technically does have cancer, but in the month since she’s had her mastectomy, she has done some truly badass things. Such as driving our off-road jeep (and making me bounce so hard in the seat that I came home with bruises), rowing a boat with our dog inside, numerous hikes (I can’t even think of counting them all), and won all her tennis matches since her surgery.

I know that many of you reading this don’t know my mom personally. But when I told people who do know her about her cancer, they all pretty much said the same thing. My mom is the toughest person out there. If anyone could beat cancer (and completely kick its ass), she could.

I promise to keep you all updated on my mom’s journey. The one thing everyone in my family has learned over the last month is that cancer is not a straight line journey. There will be some twists and turns. But after all the twists and turns, I can’t see anything else for my mom in the future other than beating this.

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Pushing Myself (or This Will Make Me Feel Better If I Only Get 9 5Ks Done In 2013)

Posted on August 29, 2013 | Comments Off on Pushing Myself (or This Will Make Me Feel Better If I Only Get 9 5Ks Done In 2013)

I’m really pushing to try to do 10 5Ks in 2013. I’ve done 5 so far, and I’ve signed up for 4 more.

In October, I’ll be doing the LA Cancer Challenge 5K. This is a Halloween themed race and will be my first time doing this one.

I’ve got 2 races in November. First will be the Hard Rock 5K. This is going to have a similar course to what I did for the Hollywood Half 5K, so I’m not too nervous about it. After that it’s the weSPARK 5K at Universal Studios. I’m super excited for this race since it will be the 3rd year in a row for me. Although I can’t say that I’m looking forward to the giant hill.

And in December I have the Santa Monica-Venice Christmas 5K. This one was recommended to me by a couple of friends and I might have a friend doing this one with me. I’m already thinking of a cute outfit to wear for this one (I’m thinking red tutu and red and white striped socks perhaps).

I don’t know if I’ll find a 10th to do. I don’t have too many other weekends available when I’m not doing something else.

And I realized that my 3 races in October and November are only 14 days apart! I’m doing one on Sunday 10/27. Then 6 days later I have another one on Saturday 11/2. And just over a week later, I have my 3rd on Sunday 11/10! That’s going to be crazy! I’ve never done so many races so close together!

If I don’t make it to 10, that’s ok. My goal has already been conquered. And I’m thinking ahead to 2014 now. I’m thinking of doing the New Year’s 5K on January 4th.

If I don’t make it to 10 in 2013, then I’ll do it in 2014. I’ve got races from this year that I know I’ll do next year. And I’m getting way more adventurous with my races as well. Both of these things will help me reach whatever goal I have for 2014.

If any of you out there would like to join me for any of these 5Ks, let me know! I’d love more buddies out there on the race course!

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Posted in Celebrations, Fitness, Fun Stuff, Health

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Reality TV (or How Losing 200 Pounds Can Be Something That Is Booed)

Posted on August 8, 2013 | 1 comment

I’ll admit that reality tv is one of my guilty pleasures. I love “America’s Next Top Model”, “The Amazing Race”, and “Food Network Star”. But I also watch a couple of weight loss related reality tv like “The Biggest Loser” and “Extreme Weight Loss”.

One reason that I enjoy the weight loss reality shows is because most of the time, the people at the beginning are in a worse place than me. I know this is a horrible thought, but it’s nice to see that I’m not the most out of shape person in the world. And it gives me a bit of hope that maybe I can win this battle eventually.

But there are a lot of negative things about these shows. First of all, they are extremely unrealistic. The contestants on them typically aren’t working their jobs (and they get a small stipend from the show for participating). Also, they are working out sometimes 5 or 6 hours a day. If you have a job, you probably don’t have the time to do that. Sometimes contestants on these shows also have either a chef or food delivery service so they don’t have to worry about their food.

Another negative thing about these shows is how the contestants feel about weight loss. On “The Biggest Loser”, when a contestant loses 7 or 8 pounds in a week, they feel like they are a failure. Sometimes the other contestants mention how that person isn’t doing enough. Seriously?!?!?! If I lost 7 pounds in a week I’d be so excited!

But something that really ticked me off happened on this week’s “Extreme Weight Loss”. If you don’t watch the show, it takes place over 1 year and each episode follows one person’s journey. This week is was a girl name Alyssa. She weighed over 400 pounds when everything started. The show gives weight loss goals for every 3 months. She met her first weight loss goal and then started to struggle with the second. And in her struggle, she started to have anorexic and bulimic tendencies. The host of the show did offer her help and had her do a blind weigh in (this is something I have to do at the doctors because I don’t trust their scale).

At the final weigh in for Alyssa, they did it in front of all her friends and family (this is the format for the show). She weighed in and had lost over 200 pounds in one year! But she was a few pounds short of her overall weight loss goal, so when the final number came up, the crowd booed. My mouth dropped open when I watched that. Since when is losing 200 pounds something to boo about? They should be cheering her on no matter what.

But I guess that wouldn’t make good reality tv.

Will I still watch these weight loss reality shows? Yes. They do have good tips in them and they do help motivate me. But I really hope that other people watching can see how what they see on tv isn’t always the most helpful thing when trying to lose weight.

While it may be reality tv, it isn’t reality.

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Posted in Fitness, Food, Health, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

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Kicking Butt (or Feeling Extra Tough In Spin Class)

Posted on August 5, 2013 | Comments Off on Kicking Butt (or Feeling Extra Tough In Spin Class)

I typically don’t go to spin classes on Sundays. The spin studio is very close to my work, and since Sundays are my day off, I’d rather not have to drive that way. Also, since the studio is a block from the beach, the parking structure is horribly crowded.

But I went yesterday because SoulCycle is running a special right now. I can bring a friend for free on Sundays for the 4pm, 5pm, or 6pm classes (if anyone wants to come with me, let me know!). A co-worker of mine has been wanting to try it, so we decided to go for the 4pm class yesterday.

First of all, this class was with an instructor who was new to me. This always makes me nervous because I’m not sure if I’ll like the class or not and if they will point out that I’m not doing all the standing up work. Fortunately, Patrick who was the instructor, was awesome! I’m going to have to see if I can fit his classes into my schedule (maybe when I’m unemployed again?).

So the co-worker of mine who came with me is a super fit person. She does 3-6 miles every day. So I’m not sure if she thought that the workout would be easy or not, but I felt like I was proving to her how tough I am. I had a similar situation when I used to work out with Richard Simmons on a regular basis. My dad decided to try the class with me, and I think he thought it wouldn’t be too hard before he tried it. And he was proven wrong (my dad is planning on trying spinning with me in the fall and he’s seen some videos on how tough it is).

My co-worker after the class was almost speechless. She was shocked that I do the class on a fairly regular basis (I’m trying for 2 classes each week but I want to push it to 3). I love shocking people with my strength in workout classes. Because of my size, people don’t think I’m that strong. But think about it for a minute. I’m carrying a lot more weight than most people on a daily basis. So my legs have to be strong. As far as my arms being strong, that’s from the weights part of spin classes.

I don’t know if my co-worker will be coming back to the class with me. She sent me a text afterwards saying how wrecked she was. But I liked being able to prove to someone that I may look the way I look right now, but I’m getting tougher and stronger every day.

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Staying Under (or Does It Really Matter What I Eat?)

Posted on July 31, 2013 | 1 comment

I’ve been having some battles with food lately. Nothing as bad as it’s been in the past, but it’s not as good as it’s been lately either.

I’m making crap choices with my food. I’m still logging them in to My Fitness Pal so I’m able to keep track of my calories, and that’s helping me a lot. When I’ve made bad choices, I’m still trying to stay under my calorie goal for the day. I’m not sure if this is a good plan or not, but it’s what’s happening and I figure I might as well share it.

I remember when I was in group therapy at the UCLA RFO program and we would discuss calorie goals. I remember the group leader saying that it doesn’t matter if you eat 1,200 calories of fruits and vegetables or 1,200 calories of Dove bars. It’s still 1,200 calories and if you are below your calorie goal for the day, you will lose weight.

And I’m totally aware that eating 1,200 (or whatever your calorie goal number is) calories of good food is better for you. You will be able to eat more, feel fuller, and have a more nutritious day.

But sometimes, all that practical reasoning doesn’t matter.

So on Monday, for example, I ate a relatively healthy breakfast (at 11am since I worked a late shift that day), but in my craziness of getting ready I forgot to pack my lunch. There aren’t a ton of healthy choices that I can get in my 30 minute lunch break (7-11 for fruit and yogurt is one of my best options), but I didn’t feel like doing that. So, I went through a drive-through. I got food that normal people eat on occasion and nothing too crazy. I didn’t get fries or a soda. And I planned it out so that I was still under my calorie goal for the day.

This meant that I couldn’t eat dinner when I got home from work, so my last meal of the day was at 3:30pm.

Was I hungry when I got home? Yes. Did I eat a small dinner? No.

I didn’t want to go over the calorie goal for the day. And in a twisted way, I wanted to punish myself for eating the crap food at lunch.

My plan did work a bit. I gained a portion of a pound, but I’m pretty sure that’s from the excess sodium in my lunch. It helped me feel more in control that I knew I was under my calorie goal.

Yes, I realize how crazy I must sound, but in the years that I got therapy for my eating disorder, I learned that I’m probably going to battle this my entire life. I’m going to have moments where I’m weak and eat things I shouldn’t. But part of winning the battle is how I react after. I didn’t give up for the day on Monday and eat more crap for dinner. I said that I was done with my meals and went to bed a little hungry. And the next morning, I was back on track with better eating.

That’s how I know I’m getting better.

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