Category Archives: Fun Stuff

Even More Organizing (or This Was An Overdue Project)

Posted on May 7, 2020 | Comments Off on Even More Organizing (or This Was An Overdue Project)

I’ve been working hard at finding ways to keep myself busy. I have struggled with figuring out what to do from time to time, but in general, I think I have been doing a pretty decent job. This is not a normal time at all, so there is no way that we should be acting. I’m just trying to do things that are safe and smart to occupy myself.

I wrote about doing some big cleaning projects recently. I’m working on getting into a better cleaning routine and schedule that I can maintain even when things start getting back to how they were. I know that I’m not the best housekeeper and I would totally pay for someone to clean my place if I could. But there is no excuse for at least trying to get better at cleaning and seeing what I can get used to doing.

Part of those cleaning projects has also involved getting myself organized. As I clean, I find things around my house that maybe I forgot that I owned or had been looking for. I need to make my space the most efficient and practical for myself. Organizing my desk has been a project on my to-do list for a long time because I can tell that the disorganization is making some things harder for me. That project still is on my list and I haven’t really gotten started with it. But I have been spending a lot of time organizing my kitchen.

My kitchen organization happened for a few reasons. When I did the huge deep cleaning of my fridge, I realized that I wasn’t keeping things organized in my fridge. Things weren’t necessarily in the best places to keep them and it made it look sloppy and harder to find things I might be looking for. And that can lead to food waste, which is something that I am very guilty of but am trying to be better about it.

After organizing my fridge, I looked around my kitchen and realized that I hadn’t really done much organizing of my kitchen at all. When I moved into my house over 10 years ago, I put things in places that made sense and they haven’t moved around much. And I know that there was some wasted space in my kitchen, which was really bad since I am so limited in space. So I decided to take a look at things, see where I can organize things better, and spend a lot of time moving things around and making my kitchen a better space.

This project took a lot of time (which was fine since I’ve got nothing but time right now) and I broke it up into chunks. I did have to order new things to help me organize like a new spice rack and some can holders to maximize the space that I do have.

I had a spice race before, but it wasn’t working for me because the containers had to be a specific size to work. I was using my pantry area to store spices because they needed a place to go, but once I got the new spice rack I could move the spices to a better place and use the pantry for things like soup and rice (using the new can holders). Being organized like this is also allowing me to have more food at my house. I’m not hoarding or stocking up a lot, but it’s nice to know that I have cans of beans that I can use for dips and not have to go to the grocery store just to get them (which you can’t really do easily right now anyway).

But what I think was the biggest organizing project in my house were my cabinets where I have kept dishes and cups. Those cabinets haven’t really had any changes in 10 years, even as I got new stuff or realized that I didn’t use things. The first part of that project was going through everything in those cabinets and taking out things that I know I don’t use. I put a lot of cups and mugs into boxes and stored them away. I had something like 30 cups and 15 mugs and really don’t need more than a few of each.

Then, I found some shelves that I could add to my cabinets to have the ability to use more vertical space. There was so much wasted space since I wasn’t going to make tall piles of dishes and these really made a huge difference. There were a lot of different attempts to make these work the best way that they could for me and I probably redid the cabinets a few dozen times, but I finally found something that I was happy with.

I wish I had taken a real before photos of the cabinets, but I only took it after I had removed most of the cups and mugs. So it looks a lot emptier than it really was. And in the after photo, you can see that I have a space to store things like reusable zipper bags, silicone dish covers, and some storage containers.

And by stacking the dishes and cups, I was able to use one half of the cabinet for those things instead of having one half for dishes and one half for cups. I’m really happy with how much easier this makes things for me with getting dishes and storage containers.

I’m not completely done with the organizing project, but I’m almost there. But I have already noticed a difference in how my kitchen feels. And since I’m cooking so much more now, having a kitchen that feels right and that things are where they should be is very important. Hopefully, when I finally get to my desk organizing, it will feel as good as organizing my kitchen did!

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Default ThumbnailOrganization Time (or Seeing A Bit Of A Mess) Default ThumbnailMaking My House Look Fancy (or Doing Some Upgrades For The New Year) Default ThumbnailCleaning Up And Giving Things Away (or Finding More Space In My House) Default ThumbnailSlowly Spring Cleaning (or Tidying Up My Way) Default ThumbnailSpring Cleaning (or Needing To Declutter Again) Default ThumbnailMore Empty Space In My House (The Cleaning And Organizing Continues)

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Struggling To Figure Out Challenges Right Now (or I’m Just Going To Try To Stay Hopeful)

Posted on May 1, 2020 | Comments Off on Struggling To Figure Out Challenges Right Now (or I’m Just Going To Try To Stay Hopeful)

March felt like it lasted 6 years. April felt like it just flew by. I guess that’s a sign that we are getting used to isolation and the days are starting to go quicker. But there’s no question that I’m ready to see how we try to find a new normal. It will take time and this won’t be happening overnight. But I know that it will happen. And until it does, everything I do has to be something I can do at my house.

And figuring out monthly challenges while in isolation isn’t easy. Even though very few of my challenges require me to leave my house, there is a different mindset that we are all in while isolating. Motivation isn’t the same. It’s hard to plan but at the same time, most of us have nothing but time.

That’s why last month, my challenge was to try to get a better handle on how I was handling things. I could feel my life feeling out of control. And while there are very few things that I can control right now, I spent April focusing on what I could control. And those things focused mainly on things related to a daily schedule.

I do still need to wake up at my normal time a few days a week, but I was getting into some bad sleep habits with going to bed late and sleeping in if I could. Sleeping in didn’t mean I was sleeping very late, but I wasn’t getting up with my alarm. And that is a habit that I didn’t want to start. Sleep schedules aren’t easy for me to get into, but very easy to ruin. So I wanted to make an effort to be better about that. I haven’t been perfect this past month, but it’s been much better than it was in March. I haven’t slept later than my alarm, even if I was up too late the night before. Yes, that results in me being tired sometimes. But I’m working on fixing that too.

I also wanted to get better about when I was eating. With nothing really dictating my schedule, it was hard to get into a routine. Just like with sleeping, I am still working on this. I’m pretty much having 2 meals a day (which I don’t know if that’s good). I pretty much have brunch and dinner. I eat brunch after I do my little bit of work or my workout (depending on the day). And dinner is pretty much at a normal dinner time. I’m cooking a lot, which is a good thing. But I also want to get better about what I’m cooking and adding variety to my recipes.

I’m glad that I made my monthly challenge last month to try to get things back to how they should be. I needed that sense of control and regularity in my life. And even though I still have moments that I struggle, April was much easier for me to deal with than March.

And for May, I wanted to continue working on feeling better. But I did struggle again with what I could make my challenge to be. Doing something like picking up a new skill doesn’t feel right for right now. So I decided to make it another challenge related to being in insolation and the state of the world right now.

My challenge for May is to work on staying hopeful. I want to be hopeful that things will be ok. I want to be hopeful that we will be able to be out with our friends and family again soon. I want to be hopeful that I will stay healthy and so will the people I love. And I want to stay hopeful that I will get through this and soon enough it will be just a memory. It’s not always easy to stay hopeful, but I know I need to do it. I need to work on keeping a positive mindset as much as I can. And hopefulness will do that for me.

Hopefully, when I do my recap of this challenge, we will have a better idea of when things will be changing to close to normal again. But if not, I know that day will come one day. And it’s going to be so amazing when that happens.

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Default ThumbnailRecapping A Few Challenges From Last Month (or Getting Ready Stop Going Easy On Myself) Default ThumbnailAlmost Through A Year Of Monthly Challenges (or Picking A Good Challenge For November) Default ThumbnailStruggling To Figure Out A Monthly Challenge (or Finding Myself Again) Default ThumbnailContinuing To Work On Myself (or More Reflective Challenges) Default ThumbnailAnother Attempt At Mindfulness (or I Think I Need To Work On This Until I Figure It Out) Default ThumbnailGetting More Productive (or More Monthly Challenges)

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Working On Self-Care (or Continuing To Try To Fill My Day)

Posted on April 30, 2020 | Comments Off on Working On Self-Care (or Continuing To Try To Fill My Day)

My days aren’t filled with too much right now. I have very little work. I do my workouts, but those only take about an hour (and I don’t spend extra time driving there and back or talking with friends). I do virtual movie hangouts with friends, but I don’t do those every day. There is only so much tv I can watch (although I am watching a ton of tv). And even reading can’t fill all of my day every day.

I remember not that long ago wishing I had a day where I didn’t have anything to do. Now, I would do anything to be overscheduled again. I’m not used to being bored the way that I am right now. And I know that boredom could potentially lead to some destructive behavior. So I’m trying to find ways to fill my time with things that are good for me.

I’ll be writing about some of the things I’ve been doing around my house next week because that is still a work-in-progress and I’m hoping to have a lot of it done before I share. House projects have been a majority of the good stuff I’ve been doing. But I’ve also been taking time to do good things for myself as well.

I have been a big advocate for self-care for a while. And I do have some regular self-care routines that I have been doing for years. But there are several things that I haven’t done for one reason or another. Often, I don’t have the time to do something. But now, I have nothing but time.

One of the more basic things I’ve been doing for my self-care is what I’ve been doing for my hair. Or I guess it’s more about what I haven’t been doing. Unless I need to look good for some reason (like a self-tape audition), I am not using any heat tools on my hair. I usually don’t let my hair air dry because it is a weird curly texture that isn’t very uniform. And my hair sometimes takes a long time to dry and if I shower before I work I don’t want to work with wet hair. But now, I usually have nothing I have to do after I wash my hair, so I can sit around with wet hair with no issues. This is letting my hair take a bit of a break from the damage that heat tools can cause. I don’t know if my hair will look any better after not doing it, but I know that it’s not adding any damage.

I also have been taking this time to learn how to do my makeup better. I’ve never been great at makeup, but now I can practice without the fear of someone seeing it. So far, it’s mainly been learning how to do eyeliner (which is something I never could do) and it’s been going ok. I will be practicing looks and trying to perfect things so that when things start coming back that I will have a great look that I know I can do!

But the self-care thing I’ve been most excited about was something I did for my feet. My feet aren’t that great. I wish I could get pedicures more often so that they would look better. And now, I have no clue when pedicures will be an option again. I had heard about the Baby Foot foot peel before, but everyone said that you need to do it when you know that nobody will be seeing your feet for about 2 weeks. I never knew when I could do it before, but now is the perfect time to do it!

I asked friends who have used it for any advice that they had. The main thing they said was to soak your feet before using it and doing daily foot soaks starting the day after using it. Your feet start to peel after a few days, and it doesn’t really hurt.

The day I used the peel, I got everything set up in my room before starting. I knew that once I used it, I was going to be stuck for about an hour. My hips were getting a bit uncomfortable, but nothing was causing pain in my feet. And for the few days after doing it, I soaked my feet in a basin for at least 15 minutes.

I was worried that it wasn’t working on me because I didn’t see anything happening. But yesterday, that all changed. I won’t share photos because my feet look like a zombie or a snake shedding its skin (if you really want to see examples, there are plenty online). But it’s definitely working! And I’m really glad that I did this when I’m not going to be out in public. The peeling should be done in a week or so, and I can’t wait to see how good my feet look by then!

With so much time to kill every day, adding new self-care practices will probably continue to be something I do. I can use this time to be a bit selfish if I want. And these don’t have to be things that I keep doing. They can be one-offs like the foot peel. But at least the time is being used for something good.

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An Isolation Audition (or Working On My Self-Tape Game)

Posted on April 28, 2020 | Comments Off on An Isolation Audition (or Working On My Self-Tape Game)

With pretty much the entire entertainment industry shut down right now, there aren’t a lot of opportunities to work. Everyone is experiencing the same stoppage of work and we are all trying to find ways to not feel as far away from our careers. Some people are doing acting classes over Zoom, I’ve had friends who have been doing script readings and performances on different live video platforms, and some people are creating their own solo work (or work with other people they live with). I haven’t really done a lot of those things yet, but they are ideas that I have been exploring.

But right after the social isolation started, I heard of friends who were still getting auditions because we can do self-tapes. I’ve done self-tape auditions before, but they have always included someone else working with me because I need a reader and someone to run the camera. I wasn’t too worried about how to do a self-tape in isolation until I got an audition notice from my agent.

This audition notice wasn’t for a specific project or part. It was a general. A general is when a casting office auditions actors to see who they like and want to keep in consideration for the future. When casting offices work on multiple shows that may have dozens of minor characters each episode, it’s good for them to have a shortlist of actors they like so they can get them scheduled for an audition right away. Generals aren’t as common as they used to be, so to get one was really awesome! And I’m hoping that maybe this time will lead to more.

I have a pretty decent self-tape setup at my house, but it’s not perfect. Fortunately, perfection was not required for this one. I have my tripod for my iPad (since that is the better camera), but I didn’t know how I was going to have a reader or someone to make sure I looked ok in the video frame. But I had recently gotten a ring light to use since I was doing a lot more video chats and wanted to not be backlit. The ring light had a tripod and a holder for a phone, so I realized I could have a friend on Facetime on my phone, put that on the ring light tripod, put that tripod behind my iPad on the other tripod, and then they could read the other lines and check how I looked on camera.

It was a really weird setup and I regret not taking a photo of it, but it did the job. My friend Andie was the one who was on Facetime as my reader and she did a great job making sure that I was word perfect with the script and that I looked ok on camera. I did struggle a bit with acting against a phone screen instead of a person (and I had to put a post-it on my phone to cover up where I was on the screen), but after a few takes I got used to it and it was fine.

Once that was done, I immediately sat down to edit it. The editing was pretty simple since there were just 2 parts that I had to combine. I just had to find the best take of each part and put them into one clip. I’m glad it was an easy editing job because it’s been a while since I’ve edited using iMovie.

And as soon as the editing was done, I uploaded it to the casting site to send it off to the casting director. I didn’t want to procrastinate on that because I might start thinking I didn’t do a good job with my audition and want to do it again. I try not to have those regrets after an audition and you really don’t get do-overs when you go to an audition in person. So I try not to let myself get into that headspace for a self-tape.

I actually would love to have another self-tape audition during isolation so I could feel even more confident in my self-tape skills. But I also hope that things can open up again soon so we can get back to a more normal life. So if this is the only isolation audition that I have, I’m so grateful that I had it. It really made me happy and allowed me to focus on my career for a day instead of everything going on in the world.

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Default ThumbnailSelf-Taping At Home (or Auditioning In Yoga Pants) Default ThumbnailAudition Horror Stories (or Sometimes I Like Things To Be Boring) Default ThumbnailAudition Prep (or Taking My Career Seriously) Default ThumbnailUpgrading My Self-Tape Set Up (or 2 Auditions In 30 Minutes) Default ThumbnailSelf-Tape Saturday (or Turning A Video Shoot Into A Photo Shoot) Default ThumbnailAnother Day Another Audition (or This Is The Life I Love)

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A Night Of Very Little Sleep (or At Least I Could Laugh A Bit About This)

Posted on April 23, 2020 | Comments Off on A Night Of Very Little Sleep (or At Least I Could Laugh A Bit About This)

With my extremely reduced work schedule, I don’t really have to get up early anymore. I could work the 1 hour I work each of the 3 days at any time. And the days I don’t work, I don’t usually have much more than my workout and I could do that whenever. But I am really trying hard to be as close to my regular sleep schedule as possible. This time is temporary and I don’t want to struggle when I’m trying to get things back to normal. I am not perfect, but for the most part, I’m going to sleep close to the time that I normally do. And I’m trying hard not to sleep in at all since that can mess with my sleep schedule as well.

This does sometimes mean I’m not getting as much sleep as I could get, but being tired for a day is probably the better option than completely changing my sleep schedule and then having to spend time to get back on track. Especially since I have no clue how much notice we will have about things starting back up again. But I’m used to occasionally getting very little sleep. When I’m nauseous or having a bad hip night, I usually don’t sleep much. And when I do sleep, they are little naps with lots of awake time in between. I hate when those nights happen, but I usually know before going to bed that they will be that way.

But last week, I had an unexpected bad night of sleep. I was pretty proud of myself because I got to bed pretty early. I was looking forward to a nice long night of sleep and had been asleep for a few hours when I woke up suddenly. I didn’t know why I woke up, but as I tried to go back to sleep I noticed a beeping noise every 30 seconds. I thought maybe it was something next to my house, but when I woke up a bit more I realized that it sounded like it was in my house.

I have 2 smoke detectors in my house, one in my bedroom and one in my dining room. They are actually on the same wall, back to back. So they are pretty close together. I knew it wasn’t the smoke detector in my room, so I went to the one in my dining room and got a magazine to try to fan air at it. For some reason, in my partially awake state, I assumed that my smoke detector was going off. Even though there was no reason for it to be doing that and it wasn’t making the noise that it normally makes when that happens (it will say “fire” if there is smoke and “carbon monoxide” if a leak is detected). So my next guess was that it had a low battery.

I got a step stool so I could reach it and tried to get it off the way and then I discovered that it was hard-wired into my house. I’m sure I knew this at some point, but I didn’t remember it. And getting it down wasn’t easy. I still do not know how I did this, but I managed to disconnect all the wires from the back of the smoke detector while partially asleep without electrocuting myself. And I discovered later that one of the wires wasn’t covered the way it should have (or I might have pulled some of the wire protection off). Once I got it down, I was trying to get the battery out. And I couldn’t figure out how to do it. By this time, it had been beeping every 30 seconds for over 20 minutes and I was starting to go a bit crazy.

I calmed down and found the model number of it on the back so I could look it up and find the owner’s manual. I found it, but it only said to lift the battery cover up to remove the battery. No guidance on how to get it done. I knew where the battery was, so I was determined to get it out. It took several tools, lots of swearing, and probably doing a lot of damage to the smoke detector; but I eventually did it.

If you’ve ever watched “Friends” you might remember the episode where Phoebe breaks a smoke detector that won’t stop. I felt just like that. Except I didn’t take my mallet to it (I was very close).

When I was trying to figure out how to get the battery out, I looked up what the beeping meant and it was a signal that the smoke detector failed. And it typically fails between 7-10 years for safety. And my smoke detector was installed just under 10 years ago, so that seemed right.

I went back to bed (finally) and had a bit of a laugh about how crazy I was acting trying to get the beeping to stop. And the next morning, I had to call my landlord to let them know I needed a new one. I try to be a good tenant and not bother my landlord too much, but I had just called them 6 days earlier because my kitchen flooded (my garbage disposal cracked and all the water was going through it to the floor). But I knew this was a safety issue and I had to tell them.

And as soon as I told the manager in the office that I had another issue, she immediately asked me if my smoke detector failed. I was shocked that she guessed it, and she told me that dozens of tenants have been calling all week saying the same thing. It turns out, they installed all of the smoke detectors in all their different buildings and rental places around the same time, so they all started to fail at the same time too!

I’m not sure if it was the lack of sleep or how crazy it was that everyone had the same problem that I had, but I had a huge fit of giggles after that. The handyman was able to come to my house that day (wearing an N95 mask and wearing gloves) and replace my smoke detector, so everything is fine now. And even though I was tired that day, it was ok because I recovered after I slept the next night.

With having so little happening right now, anything that is outside of my normal routine is interesting. And this one also ended up making me laugh, even if it wasn’t funny when I couldn’t get the beeping to stop. But I did appreciate the moment of silliness to break up everything else happening.

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Meeting Rory (or This Made Isolation Worth It)

Posted on April 22, 2020 | Comments Off on Meeting Rory (or This Made Isolation Worth It)

Before I get into this post too much, I want to explain something because I know some people might question why I did this. I understand that we are currently experiencing a global pandemic and that it is important to stay home unless absolutely necessary. And for the past 4 weeks, I have not left my house (not even for essential errands) except one time. Most people are still going out once a week or so. I have not. So the chances of me having COVID-19 is extremely low. I also did this under the guidance of my brother (who is an ER doctor), my dad (who is a retired OB/GYN), and my mom (who is a retired pediatric nurse). I did everything they said would be necessary plus some. And now, I am in 2 weeks (minimum) of strict quarantine of not leaving my house for any reason. I am not going to see anyone that I could pass this onto if I happened to be exposed by my family (who also have not been leaving their homes for any reason). Please understand that I did things beyond what the current guidance to stay safe and healthy and that I do not recommend people just go visit family unless you have been in quarantine before seeing them.

When my nephew Rory was born, I wasn’t sure when I would get to meet him. I was sad that I wasn’t there when he was born, but I knew I would get to meet him one day soon. I wasn’t going to ask my brother or sister-in-law when I could come to meet him, because I didn’t want them to feel pressured to let anyone see him if they weren’t ready. But when they asked me if I wanted to come to meet him, I immediately said yes! Because I had been avoiding all people for so long, they felt safe that I wasn’t a carrier. There were still going to be rules to be at their house, but I didn’t care. I wanted to meet my nephew! Plus, my parents were going to be there (they also followed the same guidelines I had and would have the same restrictions) and I wanted to see them too. My parents were supposed to come to see me next month and that trip has been canceled. And they had a few things for me, like some weights for my workouts, and I wanted to pick those up.

So this past Friday, I drove up to Santa Barbara to spend a few hours with my family. I made sure I wore clothes that I hadn’t worn outside recently and I had a mask with me since that was required to be around my nephew. Fortunately, a friend of mine made me a mask so I had a cute one to wear! The drive was very easy with very few cars on the road so I was able to get there a bit earlier than I expected.

And being so lonely and isolated at home was completely worth it when I walked into their house and got to meet Rory. He is so tiny and so adorable. And I instantly fell in love with him. Which also meant I took a million photos.

He was only 2 weeks old when I was there, but he was already starting to have a little personality. He’s a very happy and content baby and only cried once or twice when I was there. He is very snuggly and likes to be crunched up in your arms. He especially likes having his feet and legs crunched up and close to his body. He’s seriously so adorable and I felt so lucky that I was able to meet him so much sooner than I expected.

Just like I wasn’t going to push for going to visit my brother and sister-in-law, I wasn’t going to push to hold Rory. I really wanted to, but I know that these times are not normal circumstances and I knew they were being careful and cautious. But they said as long as my hands were clean (I washed my hands and used hand sanitizer) and wore a mask, I could hold him. And it was one of the best moments ever!

I know you can’t see my smile under my mask, but trust me when I say I was smiling! Of course, we were all joking about how you couldn’t tell what anyone’s emotion was under the masks, but we knew they were necessary. I only wish I had one that had something to be tighter around my nose because the fabric mask made it a bit tough to see Rory if I was holding him super close to me. But I found a way to prop my arm up higher on the couch so I could stare at him while holding him. And he pretty much just slept in my arms and seemed very content.

I also loved getting to hang out with my family. I haven’t seen anyone in so long with the exception of a few moments, and I was seriously needing this type of human connection. Virtual hangouts are not as good as in-person ones and this made me feel so much better than I had been feeling earlier in the week. I felt content and like life was almost normal. I really needed this time to get myself back in alignment and feeling like I will be ok.

I would have loved to have spent a ton of time with my family, but I was only there for a few hours before I had to head home. I had things I had to get done in LA so I couldn’t stay too late. Also, my brother and sister-in-law have a cat and I’m very allergic to cats. I took allergy medication for almost a week before I was there, but after only an hour I was starting to feel symptoms of an allergy attack. When my throat started to feel funny and my voice was getting very raspy, I knew I had to leave. And when I got home, I showered immediately to get any cat dander off of me, but I still had several marks on my body where I think some fur got under my clothes. I don’t know what I’ll do for future visits, but I’ll figure something out. But even if my allergies were worse, it was still worth it. There’s no question in my mind.

I’m now doing 2 weeks of strict staying at home. No going out for groceries or supplies (thank goodness for delivery options). And if I have to do these strict quarantine rules before I go see Rory again, I’ll do it. Hopefully, there will be some new guidelines soon that we can use to help make sure we are keeping everyone safe. I’m not sure when I’ll be going back to Santa Barbara again and so many things can change from week to week. So I’m not doing any planning on what I’ll need to do for next time. But I do know that whatever I have to do, it’s completely worth it.

 

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3 Years Of Being A Medical Miracle (or Just Enjoying Being Healthy)

Posted on April 21, 2020 | Comments Off on 3 Years Of Being A Medical Miracle (or Just Enjoying Being Healthy)

I’ve said before how the date of when I became a medical miracle is a bit hard for me to determine. I’m not sure if I should consider the day I had the MRI that showed my tumors were shrinking as the day. Or maybe the day one of my doctors emailed me to say that it looked like the tumors were shrinking. Or when my liver surgeon called me to tell me for sure that my tumors were shrinking and that he recommended I cancel my surgery. So even though the date isn’t really a date that I got any information, I have considered the date that my surgery was supposed to happen as the marker for being a medical miracle. And yesterday, it marked 3 years since I was supposed to have surgery.

I don’t necessarily do anything to celebrate being a medical miracle, but I do acknowledge it and take time to remember how lucky I am. I know that if my tumors didn’t shrink, surgery was necessary. My tumors were big enough that they could be life-threatening. Not having surgery would have been a very dumb choice. But even though I knew that I needed that surgery, I wasn’t looking forward to it and I was scared about so much. I’m so glad that I didn’t have to have that surgery or deal with the recovery. I haven’t had abdominal surgery before, but I imagine the recovery would be worse than it was for my hip surgery. And there would other things during recovery that would have been tough for me.

One of the things about recovery that scared me was not being able to go to Orangetheory. I was worried that I would lose all momentum that I had been building in my workouts and that I would be so far back when I finally could work out again. Of course, right now I technically have no way to go to my workouts. I am working out at home, but it’s not the same. So it’s a bit funny that something that I was so worried about is a reality that I am dealing with right now. But I am lucky that there are OTF at Home workouts that I could do and that wouldn’t have been an option if I did have surgery.

I was worried about what the surgery might do for my mental health. I didn’t share this too much, but I was worried that having a big scar might make my body dysmorphia worse or that something about having surgery would trigger my panic/anxiety disorder or even my eating disorder. Surgery is a big unknown so there isn’t a way to know how you would react to it. I was hoping that surgery wouldn’t affect my mental health, but it was a big concern that I had about it.

And I was also worried that the surgery wouldn’t be the only one I needed. I knew that I might need another surgery in the future to get rid of one of the tumors if they couldn’t get all of them in one surgery. And I had been told that they could take my gallbladder out when doing the surgery, but I worried that something would happen where they couldn’t and I would need that surgery at another time. I’m actually very lucky when it comes to my gallbladder because it turns out that many of the issues I was having with it was related to the tumors and their size, so even though I didn’t have surgery I have had very few attacks in the past 3 years. I technically still need it out, but it’s not as necessary as it was before.

I am grateful every day that I didn’t have to have surgery. I’m grateful that I didn’t have to go through what could have been a big change in my life. I didn’t have to deal with as many unknowns (even though I do still deal with some unknowns now regarding my tumors). I was able to keep living my life as normal without a disruption. But even though I am grateful every day, I am always extra grateful when it’s my medical miracle anniversary. It’s been 3 years since I have known that my tumors are shrinking and there is still no medical explanation for it. But I feel so lucky that it happened to me.

I am supposed to have another MRI in about 6 months, and if the tumors continue to shrink, that will be my last one scheduled. I might have them every couple of years, but I won’t need annual ones any more if they are smaller. And if by some chance they grow, I will have surgery and I will be ok if that happens. But for now, I’m just focused on being grateful for what happened to me.

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Default Thumbnail3 Years Knowing About The Tumors (or I Forgot An Anniversary) Default ThumbnailAnother Story About A Tumor (or I Guess I Was Misdiagnosed For Over 15 Years) Default ThumbnailA Non-Surgery Anniversary (or Another Year Of Being A Medical Miracle) Default ThumbnailMedical Miracle Anniversary (or A Year Of My Liver Being A Badass) Default ThumbnailTaking Back A Medical Miracle (or Getting My Eyes Checked Again) Default ThumbnailA Tumor Miracle (or I Wasn’t Expecting This)

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Doing A Lot Of Spring Cleaning (or Trying To Fill My Day)

Posted on April 16, 2020 | Comments Off on Doing A Lot Of Spring Cleaning (or Trying To Fill My Day)

Besides the limitations of being able to do things outside my house, I have more downtime in my house now. My main job doing customer service work has significantly cut my hours. I used to work about 30 hours a week for that job. A few weeks ago, most of my co-workers were let go and I had my hours cut in half. We weren’t doing any shows, but my manager and I stayed on to handle the few customers that were contacting us for help with various issues. Then this week, I became the last one left at my job (because of the way unemployment would work for me, it made more sense for me to stay on than my manager). But I am down to 3 hours a week. I now only will be working 1 hour for 3 days a week to answer voicemails. This could change to no hours, but I’m hoping at least I can keep this.

I do still have my other job (although I am restricted in how many hours I can do for that) and I can file for unemployment to make up the difference in salary once the pandemic unemployment assistance is set up. I’m not as worried about money as I thought I might be. Since so many people are in the same situation as me right now, I know there are a lot of people I can ask for help. And they are making the rules for unemployment different so I am eligible (when normally I wouldn’t be). So even though I’m sad that I’m not working normally, at least there is a bit of good news with the situation.

Now that I’m down to 3 hours a week (plus the other few hours a week I do my other job), there is so much free time for me every day. And I’ve really been trying to be productive. I put a lot more stress on myself to be productive when this all started and I realized that I couldn’t hold myself to that standard. This is not just a normal break with work like I’ve had before. I don’t know how long this will last and there are so many other things bringing stress into my life. SO I’m trying to find ways to be productive but not be hard on myself if there are some days that all I do is sit on the couch and watch tv. So I’ve been making a list of things that I have been putting off when I do feel motivated. And a lot of that list is big cleaning projects.

I’ve only accomplished one of those cleaning projects so far and that was to deep clean my fridge. I usually clean my fridge by wiping it down when necessary. But I couldn’t remember the last time I took the drawers and shelves out to scrub them. And I wanted to add some shelf liners to the shelves and a crisper drawer liner for my vegetable drawer to help keep it clean (or make it easier to clean when there is a spill). So I ordered a few things online that I wanted to use and once it was all here and I felt motivated, I did a huge cleaning of the fridge.

I was able to just shift things inside the fridge so I didn’t have to worry about things going bad. I just did one section at a time and then put things back and moved them around to work on another section. Because I was doing a deep cleaning plus adding liners, it did take a bit longer (it took me longer than I thought it would to cut the liners to the right size). But in the end, I’m very happy with having one big cleaning project done and my fridge looking so nice!

I think the motivation for the cleaning was because I have been trying to be better about cooking. And having a clean and organized fridge does help me want to cook. If I can store my ingredients where I can find them, that helps.

I’m sure that some of you are laughing at me for making such a big deal out of this, and I know that this isn’t something that should be life-changing. But it was something I was putting off for longer than I should and I’m so glad that I did it. It made me feel very accomplished and took up a lot of time, 2 things that I really need to feel these days.

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Default ThumbnailA Big Cleaning Week (or An Excuse to Organize) Default ThumbnailFeeling Like A Fresh Start (or Spring Cleaning and New Toys) Default ThumbnailSpring Cleaning (or Needing To Declutter Again) Default ThumbnailSlowly Spring Cleaning (or Tidying Up My Way) Default ThumbnailIs It Too Early To Be Spring Cleaning? (or Out With The Unused) Default ThumbnailSpring Cleaning (or Feeling Pampered)

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Appreciating The Little Things (or I’m Lucky To Have Awesome Friends)

Posted on April 9, 2020 | Comments Off on Appreciating The Little Things (or I’m Lucky To Have Awesome Friends)

I want to believe that I typically appreciate the things I have in my life. I know there are some things that I take for granted, but I also am aware of how lucky I am in my life. I don’t think I have a lot of things in my life that would make others jealous, but I do have things that I know others would like and I am very grateful for those. And right now, it’s easy to forget how lucky I am sometimes because it feels like there is so much against me right now.

I have to remind myself that I’m not the only person going through isolation and that almost everyone is dealing with the same things that I am. But it’s hard to remember that when I am alone at my place and I don’t really see others struggling the same way that I am. I have been working on being more open about my struggles because maybe I am not seeing others struggle because they don’t want to share that. So by me being open, I can hopefully make someone else feel alone.

And I am lucky that I have friends who I can be open with and can turn to for help when I need it. I’m not good about asking for help, but I know right now that it’s something I need to get better at doing.

For example, I haven’t been to the grocery store in several weeks since I have been sick. I have been getting grocery delivery, but there are a few things that I either can’t get through grocery delivery or don’t want to get. For example, I needed some dried pasta and it’s not easy to tell grocery delivery that I would prefer this type of pasta but any would be fine. I could be ok with what I was able to get through delivery, but I also wanted to get a few more ingredients so I could make some more tasty and unique recipes.

So I texted my friend Liz who lives a few blocks from my house (and down the street from the grocery store) and asked her if she would mind helping me out. I told her that I wasn’t in desperate need of supplies, but if I could give her a list the next time she went to the store that it would be amazing. And she agreed right away. It wasn’t easy to ask for help, but having her agree to help with no hesitation helped me feel better about it.

She was able to get to the store earlier this week and I gave her my list. I had some things that I felt pretty certain she could find and a few that were harder. And I told her that I knew that she probably couldn’t find everything so it wasn’t a big deal if she could only get some things. And she was able to get everything for me except the 2 that I thought might be impossible to find!

Even though she lives only a few blocks from my house, I drove to her place to pick up the groceries. I had some extra alcohol that I didn’t need taking up room in my place so I brought that for her as a thank you for getting me supplies (I also paid her back for all the groceries, the alcohol was a bonus). I put that in the trunk and figured that if she put the groceries in the trunk that would keep us about 6 feet apart so that should be safe.

The grocery exchange went well and I’m going to remember using my trunk that way for any future help that I might need or if I can help others get supplies. And Liz hung out for a few minutes next to my car (but still a good distance away) and we had a quick catchup chat. It was the most in-person conversation I’ve had with a friend in weeks. Even though I’ve had phone calls and video chats, there is something so different compared to an in-person talk. I really needed to have those few minutes of feeling like I’m in the same space as another person. There really aren’t ways to do that too often right now. Hopefully, there will be some public spaces that I can have some physical distances with friends open soon. Like a park where we can all sit 6 feet apart and just hang out. I am craving those moments right now and it has made me realize how lucky I am that I typically do have those.

It was so nice to feel support from a friend in real life and not just online. I need to be reminded that I do have friends that would do that for me if it was possible. Right now, it’s just not possible unless it’s for a specific purpose. I can’t ask for help for things that are not essential (both for my health and my friends’ health). But this time is temporary and soon things will be able to be a bit more normal. And I will hopefully be able to repay the favor to friends who did help me with so many things, both in-person and virtually.

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Default ThumbnailFinding Time For Friends (or Busting Out Of My Routine) Default ThumbnailRemembering To See My Friends (or Actually Scheduling Hangouts) Default ThumbnailIt Can Be Tough To Get Help (or Trying To Be A Good Friend To My Friends) Default Thumbnail4th Of July On The 1st (or Another Awesome Party With Friends) Default ThumbnailNew Year More Brunches (or Awesome Company, Not So Awesome Restaurant Service) Default ThumbnailFriends Helping Friends (or Not Being Afraid To Ask For Support)

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I’m Officially An Aunt (or Welcome Rory!)

Posted on April 8, 2020 | Comments Off on I’m Officially An Aunt (or Welcome Rory!)

I’m so excited that my nephew is here! He was born last week and now he is home with my brother and sister-in-law. I know that the original plan didn’t quite happen, but I’m still so excited.

Originally, I was going to go up to Santa Barbara when my sister-in-law went into labor. My parents already had plans to spend the month of April there (my sister-in-law’s parents live in Santa Barbara so they didn’t have to travel). When we were at the baby shower about a month ago, we all assumed that’s what we’d be doing. I remember saying goodbye to everyone and saying how I’d see them in a month. I was so honored that my sister-in-law wanted me to be there when my nephew was born and I couldn’t wait to meet him.

Of course, with everything going on, there was no way for us to be there. Even if we were in Santa Barbara, we wouldn’t have been allowed at the hospital. But none of us traveled because it’s really not the smart thing to do right now. We had an idea of what day he was going to be born, so we were all keeping our phones near us to find out the news as soon as possible.

And when he was here, I got photos immediately from my brother. And I am thrilled to introduce you all to Rory James Levin.

I knew his first name would be Rory (and obviously knew his last name would be Levin). The gift I made for the baby shower were bookplates that said “The Library Of Rory Levin”. But I didn’t know his middle name until he was born. I think it’s a super cute name and he looks like a Rory to me.

I’m glad that my sister-in-law’s parents are near them so they can help my brother and sister-in-law out with things. I know that they are working on keeping their house as clean and safe as possible so nobody else is able to come over. But as soon as things are normal again, I know my family and I will be traveling there to meet him. For now, we just have to see him through technology.

I am sad I wasn’t there when he was born and I don’t know how long it will take before I get to meet him, but I also know it’s for the best for everyone’s health. And if everyone just went to see one person, people are going to keep getting sick. So staying home, even if it means missing out on something my family has been looking forward to, is what I have to do. And I’m sure my parents feel the same way since they were so excited to get to spend several weeks with Rory. But they will be there as soon as they can and I’ll probably time out my trip to be at the same time so I can see my parents as well.

I have several friends who are pregnant and close to their due dates and I know that there are so many unknowns or weird things with trying to give birth right now. Everyone is handling it the best that they can and I hope that my friends have a similar experience to what my sister-in-law had. Even if my family couldn’t be there to support my sister-in-law, I’m glad my brother was there and that they do have some family nearby that can help them if they need it. Plus, everyone has gotten more familiar with different delivery grocery options lately so I know they know how they can safely get groceries without having to leave their house.

For now, I’m just going to enjoy knowing that I’m officially an aunt and I can get so excited for when I get to meet Rory in person (hopefully) soon! And I now have lots of time to find really cute presents to get him so I can bring lots of things when that happens!

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Default ThumbnailHaving Fun With Photos (or My Brother And Nephew Are Twins!) Default ThumbnailAnother Santa Barbara Day (or A Little Bit Of Social Interaction) Default ThumbnailMore Family Time (or Seeing All My Immediate Family Last Week) Default ThumbnailOfficially Getting A New Cousin (or A Zoom Wedding) Default ThumbnailMeeting Rory (or This Made Isolation Worth It) Default ThumbnailForgot To Share Some Awesome News (or I’m Going To Be An Aunt!)

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