Baby Steps (or Trying To Be Proud Of The Little Victories)

For some reason, I can’t get it in my head that little victories are the steps that I need to take to get to big victories.

I should be ecstatic that I did my last 5K 10 seconds faster than my previous one. But all I can think about is how I am still over a minute slower than my goal time. But when I’ve talked about this with friends who run races, they talk about how they want to be 3 seconds faster or something like that. So 10 seconds (or 26 if you are counting how much faster I am now than my first timed one this year) is amazing.

I have the same issue celebrating my weight loss. I saw a friend online who mentioned that she lost 15 pounds since January and is now only 5 pounds away from her goal weight. That’s amazing! But for me, losing 20 pounds since I set my goal last year is not impressive at all. It’s a drop in the bucket for what I’m trying to do.

I know that in the past in my life, I’ve seen these victories as setbacks. Why have I only lost 20 pounds and not 60? Or 80? It’s a failure. This is why I hesitate to set goals for myself. If I don’t make it, I’ve failed. I haven’t had a partial win.

I don’t know how to change this mindset. I’ve discussed it in the past in therapy (I’ve stopped going because my new insurance doesn’t cover it and my therapist and I agreed that I was ok to stop). One of the things my therapist suggested doing was to not have goals for things related to my weight or health at all. That way, I’d never seem to fail.

But clearly, setting goals does work for me because I did my 5 5Ks in 6 months! Maybe I need to set goals that I can control more, but what counts as control? I should be able to control my weight, but it doesn’t work that way. I should be able to control my speed for my 5K, but again that doesn’t seem to happen for me.

I don’t know if I’m trying to get answers by writing this on here or what, but I needed to let it out. I know that I should be celebrating my 10 second victory this week, and I’m going to try to. I just wish that I didn’t feel like I was faking my happiness.

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Another Weight Loss Challenge (or Getting Back On Track) Weight Loss Update (or Why I’m Trying Not To Get Frustrated) Baby Steps Progress (or Surprising Myself) Being A Bit Of A Show-Off (or More Baby Steps) Baby Steps Back To Cooking (or My Check In Kicked My Butt Into Gear) Still Wondering About The New Normal (or Baby Steps Back)