Monthly Archives: June 2020

Still Figuring Out Dating During COVID (or Phone Calls, Video Chats, And Social Distances Meetups)

Posted on June 16, 2020 | Comments Off on Still Figuring Out Dating During COVID (or Phone Calls, Video Chats, And Social Distances Meetups)

I have continued to be active on the dating apps throughout this quarantine. I didn’t see the need to change that because I am still looking for my person and I didn’t want to give up on it while things were weird. But I have had to make a lot of changes with how I date and what my expectations are.

Normally, my goal when I match with someone on an app is to get a little texting on the app done to make sure we are on the same page about things and then suggest we meet up. I know that chemistry over text is not the same as chemistry in person, so I don’t want to waste time if I text for weeks, and then when we meet we don’t click. Also, I’ve found there are some guys that have no intentions of ever meeting. Either they are scammers and can’t meet or they are just on dating apps to text and flirt. So I want to get rid of those guys and make sure I only spend my time on the ones that really are looking for something off the apps.

But it’s not really possible to meet up with someone right away these days. It’s frustrating to me because it’s such an important part of dating to me. But I’ve been working with what I can do right now. I’m so grateful that a lot of apps have added voice and video call features to them. So I don’t have to give out my number to talk to someone on the phone or have a video chat with them. And I have been doing a lot of that. I used to never talk to guys on the phone before going out with them. It’s weird for me to do it. But not so weird that I don’t want to do it. I just have to figure out the best way to be more comfortable on the phone. I don’t know if I’ll keep up the phone call thing after I can start meeting guys in person again, but I’m glad it’s an option now.

Video calls aren’t as common for me to do. But that’s mainly because I don’t want to do them. I don’t want to feel watched that long when I’m not actually face to face with someone. It’s one thing to be on a 2-hour date with someone and have your focus on them. It’s another to be on a 2-hour video chat and hold that same focus.

And the other day, I was supposed to have my first socially distanced date. It was with someone that I had been texting and having calls with. And we both were interested in trying to move things forward while being safe. So we were supposed to meet at a park where we could sit at least 6 feet apart (and both wear masks). Unfortunately, I was stood up. He didn’t respond to my texts or calls. I don’t know what the point was. Some friends said that maybe he was too anxious to meet me, but then I would hope he would respond or message me saying sorry. I wonder if he ever wanted to meet up or if he was looking for something that I wasn’t looking for. It sucks that getting ghosted still is happening, but I also don’t know why I would expect anything different.

I’m not going to let being stood up bring me down. It sucks, but I can move forward. I don’t really know what dating is going to look like for the future, but it is interesting to see the baby steps I have been taking forward to try to date. Hopefully, it will be safe again soon to have dates without the fear of getting sick. For now, I just have to work with what I can and get creative about figuring things out.

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Default ThumbnailStill Trying To Figure Out Pandemic Dating (or Sometimes You Can’t Plan For Things) Default ThumbnailAdventures In Online Dating (or My Luck Might Be Changing) Default ThumbnailDating Life Update (or I Guess I’m Lucky I’m Still Seeing Humor In This) Default ThumbnailDating And Disneyland (or Not My Post-It Day) Default ThumbnailMore Ridiculousness In Online Dating (or I Think I’ve Been Ghosted) Default ThumbnailDoing Some More Dating Reflection (or It’s Been An Interesting Year)

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Feeling Like I Worked Hard (or At Least I’m More Used To This)

Posted on June 15, 2020 | Comments Off on Feeling Like I Worked Hard (or At Least I’m More Used To This)

I’ve been doing my workouts from home for a quarter of a year now. That’s crazy to me. It feels like it’s been forever and not that long at the same time. I never thought I’d be away from Orangetheory for this long, even when I was planning on my liver surgery. It still seems so crazy that before I went to Orangetheory, this time away from the gym wouldn’t have felt that crazy to me. But now, it’s a huge part of my life that feels gone.

Technically, gyms in LA can start to reopen, but the studios I go to won’t be reopening until they can make sure they have the safest environment for the staff and customers. I appreciate that they are doing that and not rushing to get people back in there. I still am hesitant about going back as cases are still rising right now, so I’m glad I don’t have to decide what to do just yet.

I do want to be back in the studio and back with my coaches and friends. Especially when I have bad weeks where I know I would have done better if I was in class and not at home. But this past week of workouts was actually a really good one for me so it made it a bit easier on me missing things. I did have a little bit of nausea to deal with, but nothing like what I had been experiencing the week before. And most of the modifications I made were to work around my hip issues, not nausea. Somehow, that makes things better in my mind.

And what was the best part about this past week of workouts was that I really was feeling like I worked hard. I was sweating so much (and it was just due to the weather because I was running my a/c while working out). I know I went hard and the dripping sweat was proof. I do know that I’m still weaker than I was while working out in the studio, but at least I can feel like I’m putting in the work. I even had some muscle soreness this past week. I know that’s not necessarily a good thing, but I see it as one. I also missed the feeling of being sore after a good workout, so it was a nice reminder for me. I wish I had different weights to use so I could feel like I am improving, but weights aren’t easy to find to buy and I don’t want to spend the money right now since I am feeling like I’m working hard with the weights I have right now. But if this continues for a while, I might have to figure out a new plan so I can find a way to get stronger instead of just maintaining where I am.

I’ve got my home workout routine down by now. I have a plan for what I do and how I do it. I have a routine to my workout mornings and it does give me a bit of that sense of routine that I crave right now in such a crazy time. Sometimes I am sad because I’ll do something that makes me miss the studio more than normal or wish I had my friends to joke around with, but it’s getting better.

It took me a while to get into a groove with the home workouts, but I’m glad that I’m finally there. When I get back into the studio, I don’t think it will take me as long to get used to it. I might need some time to be used to the new policies to keep people safe and to get back to what I know I used to be able to do, but that’s something I think everyone is expecting to do. And if things reopen and then have to close again (compared to things closing down before they are able to reopen, because I feel like another closure is ahead), hopefully I have an easier time getting to this point in my comfort with my home workouts.

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Default ThumbnailI Guess I’ll Be Working Out At Home A Bit Longer (or Working Out Hard Is Always A Good Thing) Default ThumbnailContinuing My Home Workouts (or I Really Am Grateful For Orangetheory) Default ThumbnailWorking Through The Workouts (Modifications Are Harder At Home) Default ThumbnailNot The Workout Week I Planned On (or Starting To Prepare To Go Back) Default ThumbnailWorking Through Physical Challenges (or Not Letting Feeling Bad Ruin My Workouts) Default ThumbnailAnother Week Of Pushing Through (or Feeling Strong Before Feeling Sick)

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Working On My Reading List (or Thankful Again For The Library)

Posted on June 12, 2020 | Comments Off on Working On My Reading List (or Thankful Again For The Library)

When the Black Lives Matter protests started and the idea of working toward becoming anti-racist was talked about more and more, one thing people started to do was to create anti-racism resource lists. I shared links to a few of these lists last week. And I’m grateful that people took the time to create these lists so we could start working on our anti-racism education as soon as possible.

I started to watch video clips that were posted right away. And I quickly read many of the online articles that were shared. Those were easy resources to access and view. But I wanted to make sure I was reading books from the reading lists too. Ideally, I would have bought those books to support those authors. I know that is the best thing to do, but I really don’t have the money right now to do that. So the next best option for me was to get those books from the library.

And I think a lot of people had the same idea as I did because when I went to put myself on the waitlist for “White Fragility” (which was the book many people recommended to start with), I saw that it might be a while before I had a chance to read it.

But I think the library saw how many people wanted to read the e-book and they quickly bought more digital licenses for it. I got an email 2 days after putting myself on hold that the book was available. I am currently finishing another book I was already reading, but this is the next book that I will be reading and I have several friends also reading it that I can discuss things with.

The same day that I got off the waitlist for the book, I saw on social media that the library was posting about how they have added an on-demand social justice book section online.

There are so many books now that are available without having to put yourself on hold. I love that the library did this because not only does it help people read these books as soon as they want to but it prevents people from forgetting that they want to read them if they had to wait weeks or months before they were available. I do hope that reading anti-racism or social justice books isn’t just a trend or fad and people will always want to educate themselves, but I’m scared that in a few months people won’t be as passionate about the issue as they are now. So letting people read those books now (or listen to the audiobook version) is a really good thing.

I haven’t gotten any of the on-demand books yet since I am going to work through one book at a time, but I have been going through the reading lists and either putting myself on the waitlist or adding books to my wish list so I have more than just the ones that are on-demand available to me. I know that I need to read up on how to be anti-racist and I’m glad that the library has so many books for me to choose from.

If I feel like I need to re-read one of the books or take notes in them, I might buy one so I could do that. But for now, I’m just going to use the library for the resources they have for me and not use not being able to buy books as an excuse to not read them.

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Default ThumbnailSharing Some Resources (or Working On Being Anti-Racist) Default ThumbnailMy Book List (or Putting A Challenge From Facebook On Here) Default ThumbnailFirst Monthly Challenge Of The Year (or Setting Up For The Year And Self-Improvement) Default ThumbnailSo Much Reading (or Really Taking Advantage Of The Library) Default ThumbnailMore Eating Disorder Research (or Reading About HDE) Default ThumbnailRevisiting Old Characters and Stories (Or A Journey Of Re-Reading Books)

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You Are The Union (or Finding More Ways To Educate Other Union Members)

Posted on June 11, 2020 | Comments Off on You Are The Union (or Finding More Ways To Educate Other Union Members)

I’ve been passionate about union service since I started being involved in it. I might not have had all the right things to do when I was first elected as a delegate, but I have always wanted to be more involved. Before the pandemic, I was getting more and more involved in things. One of the things that I had been enjoying a lot was being an observer at the local board meetings. As soon as those are back, I will be continuing to be an observer because it’s such a great way to see my union at work. And of course, I’m also pretty involved now in the Union Working group and all the action that they have been taking.

But I am always looking for more ways to be involved in union service. And the thing within union service that I am most passionate about is union education. I want the members of the union to understand what is going on and to not feel as powerless as some of them do. Some members feel like the union is a separate entity and they have no voice, which is very far from the truth. This union is run by the members. We do have staff, but they work for us. We are in charge of the path that the union takes.

I was talking with some of my friends who are also passionate about union service, and my friend Amir and I started talking about doing some type of livestream event to answer questions that members might have. We started running with that idea and after about a week of brainstorming, we had a real plan for what we wanted to do. And while we weren’t looking to make this political or just about our slate, we knew we needed our slate’s help with a few things so we brought the plan to some of the leaders. They understood that we were looking to make a non-partisan event and really encouraged us to go with it. So we did.

And a week ago, we had our first livestream event! We are calling these You Are The Union because that is the big idea we want anyone watching to take away from these events.

We want members to be able to join the livestream and ask questions, give feedback, and have a clear understanding of what is going on. While we know we can’t answer every question that members might ask, we know we can explain to them why we might not have the answer or what is in the works. For example, I know some people have had questions about healthcare eligibility since we aren’t working right now. We don’t have the answer to that, but we can tell people that the healthcare trustees (who are in charge of our healthcare plan) are meeting and discussing this. And when they can say what the plan will be, they will tell us. We just want to make sure that people who watch our livestream don’t feel confused about what is going on if they ask us about it.

Our first livestream had some really great things about it. We had a good turnout, especially considering we didn’t have as much time to promote it as we would have liked to (this was partially my fault as we were trying to get things set up before promoting it). The questions we were asked were good and nobody was being negative or accusing anyone of things. And we were able to cover a wide variety of topics. We did have some technical glitches that caused us to not be able to run the livestream the way we were hoping and made it start late, but people understood why this happened and they were patient with us.

Amir was hosting it along with 2 guests, and I was working the behind the scenes stuff with managing the questions that came in and making sure everyone was able to access the livestream after the glitch. I was kept pretty busy doing that, but I was so glad I could help. I’m not sure if I want to be on-camera for these, just because I don’t feel like I have enough information to comfortably host. But that is now a goal of mine and something that is pushing me to continue to educate myself so I can feel like I could be a good host in the future.

This is not just a one-off event. We are already planning our next ones and we are hoping to be able to have them on a regular basis. We are still working on improving upon the first one, so hopefully, we continue to just get better and more efficient. We may start focusing our livestreams on specific topics, while still allowing any questions about other topics. But from the feedback we got, having a bit of a focus would be helpful for the audience. And having topics is also helping us plan, so I’m glad we were told that it could be a good thing.

If we weren’t in isolation during this pandemic, I don’t know if we would have created this livestream. I want to think that we would have, but I think being forced to have virtual meetings as a regular part of life really made us see what we could do. Even when we could have in-person meetings again, I think this is going to stay as a livestream as it allows so many people around the country to join in. And it gives us a bit more flexibility with getting guests because people don’t need to be local to do it.

It’s been a while since I’ve helped to create something I’m this excited about. And it’s a great feeling. I am doing this to continue my union service and help other members, but selfishly it has also helped me find a bit of purpose in a weird time and I’m so grateful for that.

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Default ThumbnailAnother Successful Livestream (or Fixing Issues And Working On A System) Default ThumbnailAnother Amazing You Are The Union Livestream (or Learning So Much About Being A Better Ally) Default ThumbnailUnion Working Town Hall (or Getting Close To The End Of Election Season) Default ThumbnailFinal Union Working Meeting For 2017 (or A Commercial Roundtable) Default ThumbnailSharing My Union With A Friend (or Continuing To Be Inspired And Involved) Default ThumbnailFinding New Ways To Be Creative (or Almost As Good As Acting)

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Trying To Plan Ahead (or Hopefully Things Will Normalize Soon)

Posted on June 10, 2020 | Comments Off on Trying To Plan Ahead (or Hopefully Things Will Normalize Soon)

Everything that I had planned for this spring got canceled pretty quickly once the pandemic started. I think I’m still in a bit of shock about how much I had to cancel and how fast it all happened. I was deleting stuff from my calendar when it started, but I just gave up because it was almost more overwhelming when I was constantly deleting stuff.

We are now about 3 months into this. That’s a quarter of the year where I rarely left my house. It feels like it has taken forever and flown by at the same time. And now as things are reopening, I’m trying to make some plans for things in the future but still be cautious and safe.

I’m not making plans for things in the next month or so. Maybe I’ll do something for the 4th of July, but I really don’t know. But that date feels like a line to me. I don’t want to make plans for things before the 4th. I know that it’s just a random date and it doesn’t necessarily mean that anything will be different or better by then. But it’s just something I have in my head now. Probably because there was a statement by the mayor saying that he felt that LA could be reopened by that date.

I really don’t have anything in my mind for this summer. I was supposed to go to Tahoe to spend time with my parents, but now I don’t know. Flying doesn’t seem like the safest thing to do right now, so I don’t want to fly. And it’s over 10 hours to drive there so I wouldn’t be driving. If things feel safer, maybe I’ll be able to go toward the end of the summer, but it’s very up in the air. And I haven’t even started to think about my birthday. I can’t imagine really celebrating my birthday now. If things are different in 2 months, maybe I’ll do something. But I just feel weird trying to plan something when I have no idea if we will be able to do anything in public.

In the fall, the only thing I was planning for was Thanksgiving. As far as I know, we are planning on being together as a family this year. But that also will require flying so I know it will need to be safe to be on a plane then. And with all the talk about a second wave, I worry that it won’t be ok. I know that I will be with some family no matter what, but I really hope that we will all be able to be together by November.

The only real plans for the future that I have made aren’t until the new year. I was supposed to see “Hamilton” last month with my parents. When that was canceled, we got a refund on our tickets. But we just found out that we had early access to buying tickets to some of the new dates that they added to the run. I believe the show was supposed to leave LA at the end of this year, but now they have dates through February (maybe past that, but I don’t remember seeing them). So I checked with my parents and we decided that we should get tickets and if they can’t do the show we would be refunded again. We ended up picking my dad’s birthday in January as the date we would go, and I’m hoping that we will be able to attend and that it will be safe.

And the only other plans I have are also related to musicals. I did renew my season tickets for the Pantages for the next season. But that season doesn’t start until the late spring next year. Some of the shows in that season have been canceled because they aren’t going on tour anymore, but there still is a season. And I’m excited about the shows that are scheduled. I just hope that no other shows are canceled. And at some point either later this year or at the beginning of next year, I should have the last few shows from this current season. There have been some shows that were canceled, but I believe we have 3 more that are being rescheduled. I guess those aren’t necessarily plans yet since I don’t know what the dates will be, but I’m counting them as future plans.

I know that soon I’ll feel more comfortable with making plans to do things again. Once I feel like things are safer, I need to have some things out with my friends. I’m done with being home alone and lonely. I need some social interaction. But I also don’t want to make plans that feel like they might need to be canceled because that is tough to deal with sometimes. It’s a weird mix of needed to have something to look forward to and not wanting to have to cancel things and be upset.

One day, I’m sure I’ll look back at this time and maybe laugh about how worried I was to make plans. For now, the uncertainty is really making it tough for me to make plans. But the few things that I have planned for are making me so happy and ready to be back to a more normal life.

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Default ThumbnailTrying To Not Be Sad About Missing Things (or This Was Going To Be An Awesome Weekend) Default ThumbnailAnd Another Season Of Musicals (or The Next Season Will Be A Bit Different) Default ThumbnailGetting Ready For Next Month (or Broadway Here We Come!) Default ThumbnailEnjoying The Now (or Not Trying To Skip Ahead To The Good Parts) Default ThumbnailA Free Weekday (or Planning Ahead For Fun Things) Default ThumbnailPlanning Way Too Far Ahead (or I Want It Now)

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Feeling Weird About Blogging Other Stuff (or Posting Silly Posts Just Feels Wrong)

Posted on June 9, 2020 | Comments Off on Feeling Weird About Blogging Other Stuff (or Posting Silly Posts Just Feels Wrong)

My last few posts (with the exception of my workout recap) have been about the Black Lives Matter movement and my feelings about how I wrongly thought I was a good ally and how I’m trying to fix that. I feel like that was necessary to write about. I’ve written about BLM before and how strongly I feel about it. I’m not going to not write about something just because I’ve written about it before. And this time I have a new perspective on things and how I have been wrong before. I’m not perfect, but I’m working on fixing myself. I’m open to new ideas and how things I might have believed my entire life aren’t right. I’ve got a lot to change, and it’s going to take time. But I’m taking action and change as I can and I know that any steps I take to being a better ally are good.

And part of working on being a better ally is wondering when I can write blog posts that are about other things in my life. I have a few posts in mind, but I do feel weird sharing them when there are so many important things going on in the world. I’ve seen many of my fellow bloggers have this same struggle. We don’t want to seem like we are ignoring the issue, but we also might have other things we want to write about or don’t have enough new information to have a new blog post about BLM.

I haven’t been posting much on social media over the past week except for on my Instagram Stories. And almost everything I have posted has been about BLM. A few things have been random, but I don’t want to be silent or a part of the problem. And I think for a while, that’s how things will go for me. I see my social media platforms as a way to get information out quickly and frequently. My blog posts aren’t seen by as many people as my social media posts are and things I write can easily become outdated (and I don’t go back to edit old posts unless I feel the need to add an edit to the top, but the original content remains). So I know my voice on here isn’t as big as it is elsewhere.

I do still want to post about BLM, but only when I have information to share. That information might be some books I’ve read or shows I’ve seen, news about progress, things that need to be understood or protested about, and things like that. If I have a new realization about myself and the white privilege I have, I will probably write about that too. But I do want to write about a few other things that are happening as well. And I don’t want people to see me writing about other things as ignoring the issue or not considering it. I’m aware that I might get some backlash if I post something silly, but I do feel like my online presence is covering the issues in places other than here.

There may end up being a post about BLM every few weeks or every week. I don’t know just yet. I’m learning new things at as rapid of a pace as I can, but I also know that compared to others I might be slow to discover things. I’m not a perfect ally, not by far. But I am striving to be better and am listening to those around me who know more and know better for guidance. Whether or not I write about that on here doesn’t mean that I’m not doing it. But I will share things as I can about what I am learning.

And I would love it if people would write in the comments if there are any resources, media, social media accounts, or anything else regarding BLM that any of you feel like I should be aware of. I am taking so many suggestions and recommendations and I want to allow any of you reading this to share what you have found helpful. We should all be working together to be better allies and to share with others what we know and how we can learn more. I hope that you all have things for me so I can add them to my list.

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Missing My Normal Workouts More Than Ever (or I Needed Someone To Push Me This Week)

Posted on June 8, 2020 | Comments Off on Missing My Normal Workouts More Than Ever (or I Needed Someone To Push Me This Week)

I knew going into this past week of workouts that it would be a tough week. I was expecting it to be a week of pain and nausea, and that’s exactly what it was. My body was reacting to stress so things were a bit delayed, so I’m still dealing with pain and nausea this week as well (I was hoping last week would be the end of it). And as it has been during the time I’m dealing with this, my workouts were just so much more difficult than normal.

I am getting a bit better at finding how I can modify things at home, but a lot of those modifications are also not as good as they could be. For example, some things I modify by sitting instead of standing or bending over, and I know sitting down isn’t that great in the workouts. But I don’t have much else I can use to help.

I’m also used to having my coaches and friends in class encouraging me and pushing me. Funny enough, it’s my male coaches that I think support me the most. They both know me well enough to know when I’m having one of my bad weeks and I think they pick up on it so quickly. And they are very open to finding new solutions for me so I can try to modify things without making them easier. Having that support means the world to me and I never knew how much I needed it until I didn’t have it. And my friends in class also know me pretty well so they are always there to cheer me on and try to make me feel better. I can do that over text with them, but it’s really not the same.

I did have a few good moments in my workouts this week when I had a few minutes where I felt totally fine. And I tried to maximize my efforts in those moments to try to get something closer to a normal workout. Sometimes that backfired and made the nausea worse, but it was worth the try. I went into each workout knowing that I was just going to try my best and that’s what I did, even if my best was a fraction of what I know I can do when I feel normal.

As motivated as I am to try to do the at-home workouts the best that I can, I will say that the motivation is starting to slip. If it was good enough for me to do workouts at home, I wouldn’t be a part of Orangetheory. I crave the coaching and community around the workouts. And fortunately, it seems like we are getting closer to being back to that.

The governor has said that gyms can start to reopen as long as they have certain guidelines. I don’t know what exactly those guidelines are, but there are Orangetheory locations that have opened in other states and I’m guessing the ones here will be following similar plans. For example, having smaller class sizes and 2 stations empty between each person. My locations commented saying that they are reviewing the guidelines and will be updating all of us when they expect to reopen and what we can expect when we go back to class. I’m a little hesitant to go back since people are still getting sick, but I think once I see how things go I will feel better about it.

And I really do want to get back to class for all the reasons I said above. I miss what I have there and I really need it back in my life. I need a sense of normalcy and I know going to my workouts will give me that. Knowing that I can be back in class hopefully soon was the motivation I used last week to push myself. And I’ll be using that again this week.

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Still Taking Action When Overwhelmed (or We Cannot Stop)

Posted on June 5, 2020 | Comments Off on Still Taking Action When Overwhelmed (or We Cannot Stop)

There is no doubt that this week was overwhelming for a lot of people. There are a lot of reasons you could be overwhelmed. For me, it was a combination of taking in a lot of information and working through it.

While some of this was related to the pandemic, it was mainly about the Black Lives Matter movement and working toward becoming anti-racist. It wasn’t easy realizing that while I thought I had been doing the right things and had the right beliefs that I was wrong. I never thought I would be told that. But it’s true and it’s a lot to take in.

A lot of people spent this week not posting their own things on social media and only amplifying voices that deserve to be amplified and might not typically have that chance. And for the most part, I did do that on social media. I rarely posted anything about myself. I did have my blog posts posted on twitter and Facebook. I did post a few other things that weren’t related to current issues. But I focused my time online on finding people who deserve to be heard.

And as far as writing my blog posts this week, I also felt like maybe I shouldn’t be writing about myself. I did have my workout recap and my monthly challenge posts. But I didn’t want to write about anything else that might be silly or frivolous. Being able to take a break from what is happening in the world is a privilege and I didn’t want to take advantage of that. I tried to stay focused on sharing important things, even if I was feeling overwhelmed. What I was feeling was only a fraction of the people who have been living with this for their entire lives feel. It’s only right for me to keep pushing through.

Instead of writing about something random, I just want to encourage you all to make sure you listen to what people are saying. Look at people on social media that you might not typically follow. See how you can help. Share information. And don’t stop doing that. Even if the protests stop, unless there is a change in this country with how the police treat black citizens, we cannot be quiet. Stay loud and make sure that those who need to be heard are getting heard.

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Sharing Some Resources (or Working On Being Anti-Racist)

Posted on June 4, 2020 | Comments Off on Sharing Some Resources (or Working On Being Anti-Racist)

As I shared the other day, I am coming to terms with how I have never been anti-racist. It’s a very different mindset from what I have had my entire life, but I know that I need to change and I am so grateful that I have friends who have shared some good resources to work on this. One friend also shared that if you haven’t been anti-racist, you likely have had a bit of racism in you. I hated that idea, but the more I thought about it the more that I know it is true.

I don’t make an effort to only give my money to white-run business or to white authors, but that is what I have done if I look at my past. So many books that I love are about white characters. There are a few that are about black characters but often I don’t know that until I’m already partway through the book. If a character isn’t described by their skin color, I default to thinking they are white. And for brands, I usually don’t know who runs a company or pay attention to that. But I now know that black-run businesses don’t get the same opportunities as white-run businesses do so I might not have the chance to buy from them unless I make a little effort. I never was trying to avoid black-run businesses, I just didn’t know that because of many different factors I wasn’t being presented with the chance to buy from them.

Fortunately, during Blackout Tuesday there were so many lists going around with different resources for anyone to look at. There were books about racism or how to become anti-racist. There were lists of black-run beauty companies that many of us hadn’t heard of. There were movies, tv shows, and podcasts that discuss these issues that maybe hadn’t gotten the same publicity that other media had. There are hundreds of lists out there and the ones I am going to share are only a few. I recommend doing a search or looking on social media for more because there are so many out there.

The one thing I saw the most over the past few days was this link to a google doc of anti-racism resources. This has lists of books, videos, podcasts, articles, movies, and tv shows to look at to work on becoming anti-racist. There is also a section for resources of media to help raise anti-racist children. There is also a list of organizations to look at and their social media links so you can follow them on there. Plus they link to more lists of anti-racism resources.

This list from Medium has sections of what to read, listen to, watch, and follow on social media. There is also a section for kids and teens.

If you are going to be buying any books (either from these lists or books in general), this google doc has a list of black-run bookstores. They are listed by state and it includes if they are open for shopping, only doing curbside pickup right now, or only shipping. But there are so many stores you can buy from and I believe the ones that can ship books can ship them anywhere in the country.

Some people may think of black-run beauty businesses as companies that make products specifically for black people. That is not true. Just like how white-run beauty companies don’t just make things for white people (although you might be able to argue that they do, but that’s a very different story). Here are two different lists of companies to look at and you might find a new favorite product! I understand that maybe right now you don’t have money to buy any new products, but you can still look and take notes on what you’d like to buy when you have the money.

And if you want to do a search for black-run businesses in general, I found a few lists that do just that. Here is a list from New York Magazine. Here is the directory for Black Wall Street. And this is the link to Support Black Owned. Again, I know this doesn’t cover all the lists or all the types of businesses, but it is a start.

I’ve also seen lists of black-run restaurants and coffee shops, but I haven’t found a good list that I could share on here that covers more than just Los Angeles. Please do a search online for the lists for your area. Many of them are doing delivery and takeout or curbside delivery, so you can order from them even if restaurants are not open yet for your city.

Some people who believe the response to Black Lives Matter is to say all lives matter might argue that white businesses should get promoted too. But that’s all I’ve done in thousands of posts. I didn’t have to go out of my way to say they were white-run businesses. Unfortunately, that is the default. I am trying to use my voice and my blog to give some opportunity to a large group of businesses that I have not given that same chance to. Yes, people will still shop at white-run businesses and read white authors. I bet that most money will still go to those. But I want to make a conscious effort to not do that with all my money. I want to increase my awareness of businesses that I have not been shopping from in the past and make sure that I don’t fall back into that trap. I know right now everyone is hyper-aware of this issue and will be making efforts. I want to make sure that this change is permanent and not just because it’s such a big issue right now. And I hope that you all will increase your awareness, work on becoming anti-racist, and support more diverse businesses, authors, artists, and creators.

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Hope And Health (or I Don’t Have The Motivation To Do A Bigger Challenge)

Posted on June 3, 2020 | Comments Off on Hope And Health (or I Don’t Have The Motivation To Do A Bigger Challenge)

When I was struggling to figure out monthly challenges in the past few years, I had no idea how tough it would be to plan them when I’m isolated at home. Even though many of my challenges don’t involve me leaving my house to do them, my motivation while isolated is nowhere near it normally is. I don’t feel the push to do a ton every day. Some of this is due to physical exhaustion and some of this is mental exhaustion. This isn’t an easy time for any of us, but I’m trying my best. I am working on being gentler and kinder with myself because it’s so easy to compare myself now to myself before. But we are living in a different time and that’s not a fair comparison.

Because of those factors, my monthly challenges lately haven’t been very intense. They have mainly been about taking care of myself. Last month, I challenged myself to stay hopeful. And for the most part, I think I did an ok job with that. I paid attention to the news to see how things were progressing with testing and cases in LA. The news was sounding better. Things were starting to be able to reopen. Even if I wasn’t going to go to places, I was hopeful that them being reopened was a good sign. And I was staying hopeful that we were through the worst of this wave (I still fear another wave in the fall, but that’s another issue).

But then at the end of the month, it became harder to be hopeful. Not because of the pandemic but because of police brutality. I was saddened to see those stories happen, but I tried to stay hopeful in amplifying the voices that needed to be heard and working on being a better ally. I wasn’t quite as hopeful as I was before, but I also became more aware of the racism and discrimination out there that I might have been blind to before. I found hope in seeing people taking action and learning how to take action myself. I am hopeful that one day, we will find a way to have systematic change with law enforcement and how people are treated. I am not hopeful that it will happen soon. It will take a lot of work and we cannot let up.

This month, my challenge is related a bit to wanting to be hopeful. I want to work on my health. This is about both my mental and physical health. For my physical health, I need to find ways to work out harder and I need to eat better. Those aren’t easy, but they can be done. And they are things that I have been working on for a long time.

But more importantly, I want to work on my mental health.

I am overwhelmed with everything going on in the world and it would be so easy to retreat and hide. But the more I learn about racism the more I know that I cannot use my mental health as an excuse to avoid hearing these stories. I need to find a purpose and actionable things to do whenever I hear stories of police brutality or racism. I need to find a way to not let these affect my mental health because I need to be a source of amplification of voices who may not have the same privilege that I do. I need to find a way to turn this activism into a positive thing for me and not an upsetting thing. This is a huge shift in my mindset, but I know it will be for the better. If these situations don’t make me run and hide but instead make me feel like I can help and seek ways to do so, I will be a better ally for so many people. I will likely be able to handle other stress in my life as well, but that is not my focus. My main focus is to turn the feeling of being overwhelmed or sad into the push to get to action.

I have already been working on this idea. Yesterday was Blackout Tuesday where we were not supposed to post on social media. Originally, I thought that meant we were supposed to stay off of social media and I was planning on doing that. It would be an easy way to avoid and hide from things. But my friends corrected me and said it was not about being silent but about sharing and amplifying the voices that should be heard right now. And that’s what I did. I found posts from leaders in the Black Lives Matter community and shared them. I took time to educate myself, find reading and watching lists, and followed new accounts that I know would continue to share information. I didn’t hide and avoid things because that would have been easier. I took in the information, which wasn’t always easy, and made sure to share it. And I feel like I felt better doing that than I would have if I didn’t.

Hopefully, I will be able to continue to strengthen and repair my body and mind this month. My mind is the priority to me because I know that being able to be focused and taking action is more time-sensitive. I know that it is needed now. And I am hoping that doing that will lead to other positive changes with my mindset and how I react to things that might be negative or upsetting. I want to be a voice of change and not a silent supporter.

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