The SAG-AFTRA election season has finally started for me and my slate! I haven’t been able to put in my petition for delegate yet, but that’s just a technicality. I will be running again and I’m so happy that I will be a part of the Unite for Strength slate again. I love what this slate stands for and the work we have done so far. I really believe in what we are doing and hope that we can continue to do the work we have been doing.
I’ve been able to get a little more involved each election cycle. The first election, I ran as a delegate and while I did do some campaign work I really didn’t do much. The second election I did that plus I helped to run some of the leafletting events. It wasn’t a ton of extra work, but it was more than I had done before and I loved getting to do more and understand the election more than I did before. And for my third election, I’m even more involved!
This time, I’m doing everything that I did before and I’m also helping to run the social media pages for UniteforStrength! It’s been something I’ve been doing for a little while, but now that election season has officially started there is a lot more work to do. I’m really loving helping with social media and making sure that we are sharing important information regarding the election, the campaign, and union matters. I love making our twitter feed a great source of news and information since educating other members is a passion of mine. I’ve also been a part of the design ideas that we’ve been using and I love getting to play with that side of my creativity.
But the look of our campaign is really because of my amazing friend Robert. He is an actor and also a graphic designer and he has worked hard and creating amazing graphics for us to use. We got to share one yesterday when we announced that Gabrielle Carteris will be running for re-election as SAG-AFTRA president.
He has created some amazing art for us to use this election season and I’m excited to get to keep posting them online as we get closer to the election. Plus, getting to work on this campaign with several of my friends makes it more fun. It can be (and I’m sure will be) a very stressful time that can have a lot of negativity. But being surrounded by my friends and working hard on a goal with them hopefully will make it a bit better.
This work has been something I’ve been working on for a few weeks, but primarily over the past week. It’s been taking up a lot of my time, but it’s for something I enjoy so I don’t mind. It’s been a good distraction when I’m not feeling my best because everything I’ve been doing has been encouraging and motivating. I always say how I want to be more involved in the union and this is such a great way for me to do this. I know that not everyone I know agrees with my slate or will be voting for it, but that’s to be expected. I just have to keep working with people that I believe in and know that I’m with a slate that does support the same issues I am passionate about. Being involved is so important and for many people that just means voting and making sure their voice is heard in the union. For me, I’m lucky to get to do even more than that.
I’ve been able to be enthusiastic about the work the slate has been doing as well as what I have had the chance to help with. I just haven’t been able to share it that much since many things have been confidential until this week. And there are still more things that will be shared for the next few months when we can. I’m hoping that my enthusiasm about this will be able to continue through election season and beyond. And I hope that others will get just as excited as I am about all of this.
For anyone who is a member of SAG-AFTRA and has questions about Unite for Strength, please feel free to reach out to me. If I can’t answer something, I can connect you to someone who can. And whether or not you are a union member, if you would like to help the slate we are accepting donations for the campaign. It is not cheap to run a campaign (it costs money to have campaign materials and to get it out to the membership). While everyone who is a part of the slate are all contributing, any extra help is always appreciated. I hope many of you will support me and Unite for Strength during this election season and I can’t wait to tell you more about things as I can share them!
Posted onMay 16, 2019|Comments Off on Too Many Complaints (or Trying To Get Back To Being Positive)
Lately I’ve been feeling like I have so many negative things in my life. Whenever someone asks me how I’m doing, I have a list of reasons why things aren’t easy. Sometimes it’s being nauseous, sometimes it’s random pain, and sometimes it the aftermath of things I do to stay healthy. I’m not trying to complain just to complain, I’m being honest. I’ve seen how many people just say that they are fine because they don’t want to seem like they aren’t ok. But for me, I take pride in not hiding when I’m struggling or going through a tough time.
But now, it feels like I’m struggling because I’m struggling and it’s becoming a cycle. I don’t go out of my way to complain or find negative things in my life, but they seem to become the focus without me trying. Even when I’m coming up with things to write about on here, when something in wrong in my life that seems to inspire more than when good things happen.
I know I’ve had this issue before and it usually takes me becoming aware to get out of it. Sometimes I forget that being honest doesn’t have to mean sharing everything or that it can’t include good things. And I do have lots of good things in my life that I know are just as important as any of these bad things. But just knowing it doesn’t necessarily help with getting out of this funk or feeling of negativity. It does help to have something else I can try to focus on, but it doesn’t guarantee that it will happen.
And it doesn’t help with the negative things that I’m struggling with are things that I can’t avoid. If I’m in a bad mood because of something I can change, then I can work toward a better mood by changing it. But I can’t control the pain that I’m in. I am finally almost done with dealing with my back issues and the pain is only happening at random and rare moments. But I’m still worried about doing something that will bring it back so I am still being careful. And the pain I have from the temporary crown isn’t going to necessarily go away until I get the permanent one. I tried to get the appointment for that as soon as possible, but it is dependent on when the lab can complete it so I can’t make it sooner. Neither types of pain are something that I have control over or can change just because I want to. I either have to just be in this struggle or find a new way to look at it to get through it.
I don’t have any answers to that right now. I have figured out ways to work through my hip pain or nausea with a better mindset, but that’s because those things don’t go away. I have to deal with them over and over and there is really no other choice for me but to work through. I’m not always in the best mood when dealing with it, but the constant need to do it has helped. Hopefully my back won’t become a recurring issue and I won’t need a lot of dental work coming up. So I’m not sure if I don’t know how to work through these or if I’m not motivated to do the work because I shouldn’t need it again.
I am focusing on my happiness checklist and making sure that I prioritize doing those activities. I am making sure that any plans I make don’t prevent me from doing things that I know will help my mood and put me into a more positive place. And I know doing those do help, but I’m hoping that they will be helping more and sooner since I want to get out of this funk. I am also trying to do more of those things on my checklist each day even though I know I don’t have to do them all every day. But the more good I can put into my life the better.
Hopefully putting all this in writing will help turn things around for me. Sometimes you do just need to get it out to move on. But if it isn’t enough, at least I know it’s something to work on and eventually I’ll be back to my positive self.
Posted onMay 15, 2019|Comments Off on More Adventures At The Dentist (or Getting Through A Long Appointment)
As I wrote last week when I went to the dentist, I didn’t have the best news at my appointment. Nothing was horrible, but I did need to have some things repaired and replaced. And doing that means needing numbing shots. That’s never something that is fun for me and I was even more nervous considering that I would be working with new dentists. I tried not to stress too much in the week between the appointments, but I couldn’t help it.
I went in for the long appointment this week on Monday and it was really a long appointment! I was there for about 3 hours and I know it was longer than anyone expected. Part of the reason I was there so long was that I had an issue getting numb. I’ve had this problem before and it’s the worst considering how much I hate needles. But the first round of numbing shots only numbed a small section of where the work was going to be done. So they had to do another round of numbing shots and since I wasn’t numb from the first ones I did feel the second round as well. Fortunately the second round did work, but it still made things longer than it should have been.
Also, because these dentists are new I wanted to give them the warnings about my specific issues. I had to give them a heads up about my fainting issue even though it hasn’t been happening as often recently. I also wanted to let them know some random things that help my anxiety when work is being done. One of those things is to be told as each part of the process is happening and is done. So if they are working on the drilling, letting me know how much longer they need to drill helps. I’m sure for some people it makes it worse when they are told there is 5 more minutes left, but it gives me something to focus on. Also, my anxiety is lower when I understand things more. So I asked how certain things are done like how the old crown is taken off my tooth. Being able to imagine it is a really good thing for me.
Getting my old filling repaired was the easy part. I actually wasn’t numb for that and it didn’t really hurt at all. The drilling was done quickly and the replacement filling material was in before I knew it. If that was the only part of the appointment I had to do, I would have been done faster than a normal cleaning!
But working on replacing my crown was a much longer process. There were multiple impressions and molds that had to be done to create the temporary and permanent crown and those took time to set. And to get the old crown off they had to do a lot of drilling. It’s good to know how strong it is, but it makes it hard to get it off. They do need to be replaced every 10-15 years so I will go through this process several more times with the various crowns I have, but at least I’m a bit more prepared this time.
Because I already had a crown on that tooth, there was minimal drilling that had to be done on my actual tooth. But the reason why I needed the replacement was because there was a little cavity on my tooth just below where the crown was. When that happened, it made a little gap in the crown so there was a possibility that bacteria could get under there and make things really bad. But once the crown was off the dentists confirmed that the cavity was only that small spot they saw before and not worse. So they drilled that out and all the drilling work was done. All that was left was to create the temporary crown and get that onto the tooth.
When I left, I was still very numb. I am happy to be extra numb since I would prefer that over feeling pain. But I did discover an issue with that when the numbness finally wore off. There was a small part of the temporary crown that was jagged and cutting into my tongue. I had no clue about this when it was done and because of where it was on it the dentists wouldn’t have been able to see it. But it was very painful and I knew I needed to have it fixed immediately.
So the next day, I called as soon as they opened to see when I could come back in. I knew fixing it would only take a few minutes so I was fine going in the middle of work (I cleared it with my manager too). As soon as I got there, I was able to point out exactly where the problem was and once they knew where to look they could smooth it out and make everything they way it needs to be. The temporary crown is always a bit rough, but the part that was hurting me was not normal. I didn’t have to get numb for this and I didn’t mind the drill as much because I knew it was going to make the pain end. My tongue is still hurting now, but that’s because of what happened before it was fixed. Hopefully that goes back to normal soon.
I have one more appointment to get the permanent crown in and to smooth my filling a bit (I could have done this when they fixed the temporary crown, but I needed to get back to work). That appointment won’t be as long as the main one was so that is going to be nice. I still am anxious about the next appointment since I know there are a few moments where it will hurt a little bit when they cement the new crown on, but I would prefer to have that little pain than the pain of having the shots. And then once that is done, hopefully I won’t have anything besides normal cleanings for a long time.
Posted onMay 14, 2019|Comments Off on Another Dating App Ban (or This Is What Makes Me Over Things)
Pretty much since I started online dating again, I’ve had friends ask me if I was sick of it or over the dating app thing. When I started, I answer was honestly that I was not because it was still all exciting and new to me. I hadn’t used dating apps in a while before starting up about 2 years ago and apps were very different from what I experienced before.
As time went on, the same questions came up and I was still not really over it. I had some pretty negative experiences but the positive ones still outweighed them. I wasn’t even getting frustrated with being ghosted because I think the novelty of everything was still there. Once I started working on my book, I think that helped me stay in that same mindset. All the moments that probably would have made someone else want to delete their apps became awesome stories for my book. I think having that book in mind really has helped me keep my sanity in what should be an overwhelming and potentially negative situation.
There have been plenty of things that have made me very angry with online dating. But I’ve realized most of them were situations I had happen multiple times and the first few times they were funny. The more often they happened the more annoying they became. And I experienced one of those this past weekend.
I was going on Tinder to go through my matches and message some of the guys I had been texting with. I was trying to make plans to meet for coffee with a guy so I wanted to get things planned out and ready for that evening. But when I went to the app, I got this screen.
This isn’t the first time I have been banned from Tinder. It happened after I called out a married guy on there a while ago. I know that he had to have reported me for something because right after I mentioned him being married I got banned. I’m guessing he reported me for harassment or something and then I got banned. I did some research into how to get banned and multiple guys have to report you. So maybe all the married guys I called out reported me or maybe random guys randomly reported me because they didn’t like what I was saying. It made me wonder if Tinder actually reviews these reports or not because I know I didn’t do anything wrong.
When it happened before, I immediately reached out to Tinder for an answer and all they would tell me is that I violated the terms of the app. I read those terms multiple times and I still have no clue what I did wrong. But there was no fighting it because they refused to help me. I did open a new account so I could get back online, but I lost all the matches I had on that first account.
When this happened again, it was a complete shock. The only messages I had been sending were to find out what part of LA guys lived in or to find out their schedule. There was definitely nothing I did in a message that was against the rules. I had also recently had a date with a guy that I didn’t want to see again, but nothing was said in the app or in person that would have been something I could get banned for. Tinder has not been responding to my messages trying to find out what happened and it’s so frustrating.
Having something happen like this has made me feel more over online dating than anything else. I had been putting in work to try to meet guys on the app and it was taken away with no explanation and no way to reach out to guys I was speaking to. It’s so frustrating that if I was to go back onto Tinder that I would be starting over again. I know a fresh start can be a good thing, but not when you didn’t want to have one. I felt like I had been making progress and now I’m back to the beginning.
I still have other apps that I’m on so I’m not leaving online dating, but it has made me wonder how much longer I could do this if there is a risk of this happening again. Fortunately with the apps I’m still using I know the employees review any reports and I know I’m not breaking any rules. So if guys were falsely reporting me for something, hopefully my profile wouldn’t be removed. And I am still having fun dating and I don’t know of ways to meet guys in person so I am motivated to keep going. But having a moment like this is a reminder of the fine line I’m balancing between having fun on the apps and being over them.
Posted onMay 13, 2019|Comments Off on Still Working Through The Pain (or I’m Going To Stay Positive About This)
This past week of workouts ended up being another struggle. As I mentioned last week, I did something to my back and that really threw things off for me. But at least the nausea was gone and I was ready to feel like myself again. That’s not how this past week went, but I think I did end up finding the best in the situation.
Monday’s workout was a strength day and I was ready to be back to normal with my bike work. I was feeling good (this workout was right before my back pain started) and I was excited to see what I was going to be able to do.
The cardio work did include hills, but they weren’t super high inclines. So I was keeping my bike resistance levels close to what I’m used to. We had rounds of hill work and flat road work and each round the incline/resistance level went down by 1. I started 1 level higher than my new all out level and didn’t worry about pedaling too fast. And it felt great when the resistance level was getting back down toward where I’m used to being after having such a high level earlier. When we had our all outs, since I had so much work using resistance levels I decided to have the level at my base level but I pedaled much faster. It was an interesting difference from what I’m used to doing. I don’t know if I’ll do that all the time for my all outs, but it could be something good to have as an option when I have strength days in the future.
On the rower, we had rounds of stroke count work. We started with doing 20 strokes on the rower slowly to get as many meters as possible. Then we had lunges using the medicine ball. Each time we got to the rower we went down 2 stokes. Because I was going so slow, I didn’t get that low with the stroke count. I tried to keep the stroke rate below 16 strokes a minute when with normal rowing I’m usually between 25-30. It is so hard to go that slowly, but I know that was the purpose of that workout and I’m glad I really tried to do it that way.
And on the floor we had 2 blocks and it was a lot of upper body work. The first block had bicep curls but we were balancing on one leg while doing them. That was definitely an added challenge, but I took my time and put my foot down to regain my balance when necessary. We also had tricep extensions on the straps and goblet lunges. And the second block had regular bicep curls, regular lunge, and tricep extensions using the weights. It was interesting to see how I felt between the two blocks since they were essentially the same exercises but different ways of doing them.
Wednesday’s workout was a mix of endurance, strength, and power and because of my back I had to be careful with what I did. I knew that working out wasn’t going to make things worse unless I was careless in what I did in class. Every time I worked on stretching things felt better so I was hoping a workout would do the same. There wasn’t too much I had to modify which was nice, I just had to take things a bit slower.
For cardio, we had 2 blocks with a similar pattern. We started with hill work, then we had a flat road push pace, and we ended with rounds of 30 second all outs with recoveries between. For the hill work, I kept it where my push pace resistance level usually is. I didn’t want to strain too much because I was worried I would put that strain into my back. I did work hard, just not as hard as I would have done if I was feeling ok.
On the rower, we had sprint rows and we were supposed to do power jacks with a medicine ball between each row. I knew that I shouldn’t lift a weight over my head and I didn’t want to have to bend over to grab the medicine ball each time I was going to use it. So I did regular squats instead and that worked just fine for me. We also had all out rows to match with the cardio side when they had them. I was able to do a bit better with those rows because they were so short.
And on the floor, we had one long block. We had front squats with dumbbells, upright rows with dumbbells, double crunches, goblet squats, lateral raises, and swimmers. I had to modify the front squats because I couldn’t hold the weights up that high so I did them as regular squats with weights. I also had to go much lower with the weights for all the exercises. Some of the exercises did use my back so obviously I needed lighter weight for those. But even the goblet squats had to be done with a lighter weight because I just couldn’t pick up the heavier one. Considering what the workout could have been and the modifications I could have needed, I was very happy with the limited modifications I had to do.
Friday’s workout was a mix of strength and endurance work. My back was doing much better than it was on Wednesday, but I still had twinges of pain when I moved certain ways so I had to be careful with what I did and how I moved. Unfortunately, one of the ways I felt pain was when I hunched over to adjust the resistance levels on the bike so I had to be very careful with that.
The cardio work was a mix of push paces at a flat incline and push paces with hills. But because I struggled to adjust the resistance level, I just used my new base pace for the base pace moments and my old push pace for the push paces no matter if there was incline work or not as well as the all out. Limiting it to those 2 levels helped a lot because I didn’t have to adjust things that often. I know that it didn’t make the workout as hard as it should have been, but it did allow me to have very little pain while on the bike.
The rower had 2 blocks with similar patterns. We had 2 rounds of a 200 meter row, 2 rounds of a 150 meter row, and rounds of a 100 meter row. Between each row we had medicine ball exercises. For the first block we had medicine ball ground to presses and for the second block we had medicine ball front raises. But I couldn’t lift a medicine ball that way without having pain. So for both blocks I did squats with the medicine ball. It wasn’t working the same muscles we were supposed to, but the muscles we were supposed to be using were the ones that hurt. And for the rowing, I tried to keep my rows as close to my normal times as possible. I had to be very cautious doing them because I discovered doing the proper form hurt more than doing a sloppy form. So I had to be aware of my body position so I didn’t injure myself a different way by having bad form.
And the floor had a lot of upper body and core work which was a bit tough for me. We also had drop sets which ended up giving me a good chance to test out different weights to see what my body could do while hurting. The first block had drop sets with chest presses and regular sets with bear steps and arm raises. The second block had drop sets with tricep extensions with weights and then regular sets with shoulder presses and sit-ups. I did have to go lighter with my weights for the weighted work, but I was doing better than I had done on Wednesday. And the core work wasn’t as tough as I thought it would be, it was just getting into position that was hard. Getting up and down from the ground was harder than the actual exercises.
Saturday’s workout was an endurance day and fortunately my back was almost totally normal. I’m lucky that I only had to deal with the bad pain for a couple of days, but I’m also aware that if I go too hard that I could injure myself again or the little pains I have could last much longer. So I took that knowledge into my workout to make sure I didn’t do anything too crazy.
For cardio we had lots of push paces to base paces. The base pace always matched the time of the push pace before it, but the block had a lot of variety. We had 2 minute, 90 second, 1 minute, and 30 second intervals throughout the time we were doing the cardio block. We ended with a 1 minute push pace followed by a 1 minute all out. And just like on Friday, the only time I had a bit of pain on the bike was when I had to lean over to change the resistance levels. So I kept it simple like I did the day before. So all the base paces were my new base pace and all the push paces were the old push pace even if they were the shorter ones. Usually I would do the old push pace for the longer ones and the new push pace for the short ones, but it wasn’t worth it for me to worry about the adjustments as much. I did use my new all out pace at the end which helped to end on a good note.
The rowing work was 1 long block. We started with a 2 minute row and then we had medicine ball work. Then we were supposed to reduce the row by 100 meters from what we did in 2 minutes and repeat the pattern. Usually I would use an even number no matter how far I went in 2 minutes, but I decided to do the math in my head each time and do what I actually did. The medicine ball work were squats to overhead raises and calf raises. I didn’t do the overhead raise with the squats and I kept the medicine ball at my chest for the calf raises to protect my back. But I felt like I was doing work much closer to what we were supposed to do.
And the floor block ended up being one of the highlights of the workout for me. The first block was almost all work that involved stepping on the bench. Until last week, I wasn’t able to do any exercises like that and would have to do squats or lunges instead. I still had to modify the actual exercises because I can’t do stepping up and down, but I was still able to use the bench. We were supposed to do step overs with crossing the back leg, step down toe taps, and power step ups. What I did was balancing on one leg while holding the straps for all the exercises. Instead of the step overs I basically did single leg squats with crossing the back leg behind me. For the toe taps and step ups I did single leg squats with keeping the leg I wasn’t using to the side. It’s much closer to the work than what I used to do even with all the modifications. The second block was lunges with bicep curls or uppercuts and side planks, all exercises I could do. I had to be careful with the side planks while I was going from standing to the floor and back, but the actual exercise was not painful or difficult.
There was no way for me to know that this past week was going to be thrown off by my back issues. But I am so grateful that it really didn’t hurt my workouts too much. I did have new modifications to do, but I also was getting a lot of stuff done that I hadn’t been able to do until recently. I think there were more positive things about this workout than negative and that’s awesome! My back is still a little tender and I have a few moments of little pains, but I’m doing so much better and I’m optimistic the trend will continue that way.
Posted onMay 10, 2019|Comments Off on Taking Time To Laugh At Myself (or Having Some Dumb Moments)
I’m sure everyone has moments where they just can’t think straight or they have some crazy incorrect idea. I for sure have my dumb moments and when they happen I usually go a bit crazy. If I don’t realize the moment is happening, I’m going crazy trying to fix it. And if I do realize what happened, I go crazy going over it in my head. And then of course I go crazy thinking about how crazy I got over it. It’s a very bizarre cycle but in the end I usually can laugh about how I behaved.
Last year, I had one of those moments where I didn’t realize what happened until it was over. I’ve written about how I work when I’m out of town for Thanksgiving. I’m so lucky that I work remotely so I can do this and I work out the hours I can work with my manager. I usually have to change the hours I work to accommodate family stuff but I can either work extra hours another day or use my banked hours to make up for it.
But as I’m sure a lot of people know, when you are out of town and not doing your normal routine you can forget what day of the week it is. Last year when I was working the day after Thanksgiving, I started early and my manager knew that I would be ending early based on what the plan was with my family. But because I do start early a few days a week, somehow I got it in my head that I was supposed to start that early and I was going to have to use banked hours to make up for the time I lost. Everything went fine that day and when I was in the car with my parents on the way to the airport that night, I suddenly realized what day of the week it was. Because of my schedule, I actually worked more hours that day than I was supposed to, not less. I had a huge moment of freaking out in a good way about what happened and I messaged my manager to let her know what happened. It was fine and it all worked out with no issues, but it was still a truly dumb moment on my part.
And I had another dumb moment this week. It was also related to work but it was for my other (temporary) job. Because it is a contact job with a specific number of hours, I have to be very aware of how many hours I have worked and how many hours I have left on my contract. It’s not that hard to track and I have a good general idea of how many hours a day I need to work to get all the hours in before the contract needs to be completed.
But even with being on top of all my tracking, I freaked out when I was looking at my hours worked versus my hours in the contract because I thought I had to finish out my contract this month. If that was true, I would have been very behind in my hours and I would have needed to work almost double the hours I expected this month. I went into planning how I could accomplish this and probably spent 20 minutes trying to figure it out before I realized I should double check my contract.
If only I thought of doing that first because I discovered that my contract is not done this month but next month. And I was exactly where I should be in my hours and everything was perfect. I wish I had skipped the time I spent panicking and just looked calmly at things and made sure I was correct with the hours as well as my contract. That would have saved me so much stress.
But at the same time, even though this incident caused me stress it is now giving me some happiness at laughing at myself. It’s so silly how insane I was acting and how irrational I was since I just couldn’t look at the situation calmly. Looking back, I’m so glad nobody was watching me have that moment because I’m sure I looked like I was having a breakdown and trying to solve the world’s problems with math with all the post-its and paper I had used to work out how to do all my hours.
With all the things in my life that do stress me out, it’s nice that I can bring some levity and happiness to my life from my dumb moments. It gives me a moment to sit back and not think about everything else that is happening. I can just think about how crazy it was that I thought things were the way I believed they were and just enjoy that things are all working out for the better.
One thing I didn’t mention in my post about going to the dentist was about how much pain I was in that day. I’m used to being in pain. It’s a reality of my life. But whenever I have pain that isn’t my normal pain, I swear it throws everything off.
This time, I was having horrible back pain. Somehow, I threw out my back. I know exactly when it happened and that couldn’t be the cause of it. I was pulling back my shower curtain after a shower when I had an intense pain on one side of my back. I could almost picture the spasms my muscle was having and it really shocked me. I have had random back pain from time to time, but I knew this was different.
I was trying to go about my day before going to the dentist, but everything was taking so much longer because I couldn’t move normally. By the time I went to the dentist, the pain wasn’t as sharp but it was still there. I was dealing with a weird dull pain that still felt like my muscles were twitching. Putting any weight on my back made it hurt worse so it was very painful to be laying in the dentist chair. I warned the staff there what was happening so they were allowing me to take breaks when I needed them so I could stretch or make the pain a bit less. But it was annoying and I’ve been trying to deal with this pain for the past few days.
With other pain I have, I know a general timeline of how long it will take to be better or what I need to do to make it stop. This time, I have no clue what to do for either. I also can’t easily use pain cream or KT tape since I can’t reach the area of my back that hurts without making it hurt worse. I’m just trying to do what I can with what I already use for pain. Stretching, using my foam roller and roller balls, and the acupressure mat are helping. I know that this injury is probably just going to take time to go away and I’m working on being gentle with myself.
I was almost laughing at myself when this happened. Throwing your back out seems like something that only happens to older people. But then again, I’m not that young and I already have issues that can potentially make my back worse. I know that with all my hip issues, I have to focus on keeping my core strong or my pelvis can get out of alignment and I know that affects my back. So maybe this injury is a result of hip issues and not old age, but I’m going to assume that it at least has a little to do with age.
From the people who I know have hurt their back this way, there’s nothing I can really do at this point besides be gentle and patient. That’s not the easiest thing for me to do, but I am noticing that things do get better each day. I can lay on my back again which is nice. So I’m trying to do that while reading instead of sitting up or laying on my stomach so that I’m not hunching over or straining my back. I’m trying to just be more aware of how different movement or positions make me feel and try not to push it too much when something is causing me pain. I know I need to push a little each day to stretch and get better, but I’m more aware now about what is good pain versus bad pain with my back. It’s so much easier for me to tell with my hips, but I have to remember that I’ve been dealing with that pain for over 13 years now so I don’t remember what it was like when it started.
And of course, this back issue had to start just after all my nausea ended so I don’t get to enjoy my non-nauseous time the way I’d like to. I’m not going to let it bring me down completely, but it does change up what I am going to do this week and next. I have to make sure that I find the balance of stretching and pushing myself and allowing myself to rest so I can get through this as quickly as possible. And doing that probably won’t involve going out too much since I want to have as much control of my environment as possible.
I already have had so many other signs that I’m getting old like having gray hair. I guess this is just another one and hopefully the last reminder of my age for a while.
I had my big dentist appointment this week. Going in for a cleaning has been getting easier, but it’s still something that stresses me out a lot. I don’t take my panic meds before going in, but I still feel some of the smaller panic attack symptoms as I go in for a cleaning appointment. And when I have my big dentist appointment where I have a teeth cleaning and the x-rays and visit with the dentist, that stressed me out even more. It doesn’t help that for a week or so before the appointment I have nightmares about my teeth.
Going in for my big appointment this time was making me feel the same panic that I expected, and I was trying to stay optimistic that everything would be fine. But I also know that due to genetics I have bad teeth and there are some things that I just can’t control with dental care. I can do everything right, and I will still need to have major work done. It sucks that I have genetically bad teeth and a fear of the dentist, but maybe they are a bit more related because I have had to have so much work done.
But this time, when I got to my dentist appointment, I had a surprise right away. My dentist actually had retired a few weeks prior! I had no clue about this and it really did surprise me. He brought on 2 new dentists (who are sisters) to run his practice and everyone else who was there before is still there. So I still have the same dental hygienist cleaning my teeth which to me is probably the most important thing since I see her 3 times a year (compared to once a year with my dentist). My nerves got better and worse after finding out my dentist retired because I still had to do my x-rays and big exam with the new dentist, but I had been told they were a little gentler than my old dentist.
My dental hygienist has been cleaning my teeth for so long that she gets my panic and anxiety. And before these big appointments she knows to warn me if there is anything that she sees that might need to have big work. This time, unfortunately, there were 2 things that she was concerned about. But we wouldn’t get an answer for sure until my x-rays were done.
After the x-rays I got to meet my new dentist and she was very nice. She also had been prepared about my anxiety issues and she was trying to be a calming person around me. I know she could tell that I was not doing well and she wanted me to have all the answers quickly and things wouldn’t be drawn out.
And my dental hygienist was right that there are 2 things that need to be worked on. I have a filling that chipped and a crown that needs to be replaced. The chipped filling is more preventative than anything because there is nothing wrong with my tooth right now. But if it’s not fixed it can get worse and a cavity could form or I could need a crown on that tooth. And the crown that needs to be replaced is due to a cavity forming right around the edge of the crown. There was nothing that I could have done to prevent this because the cavity is technically under the crown, but it was still upsetting news for me. I hate having dental work done and now I need to have 2 big things done.
The positives I guess are that both of the big things are kind of small things. The filling will be easy and the new crown should be much easier than getting the crown the first time. Since most of the work has already been done, the drilling part will be much faster. But I will still have to have needles to numb me and it will involve 2 appointments. I’ll have a temporary crown for a week before the permanent one is ready and I remember that the temporary one always felt a bit weird to me. But at least it will be over in a week.
With this new dentist, I really did want to impress her with staying calm about all this, but I can’t help how much this upset me when I saw the x-rays and they were explained to me. I did cry because it really just made me panic even more about the next appointments and how overwhelming it felt that I did everything right and I still have all this wrong with my teeth. I have friends that don’t floss and skip going to the dentist for years and have perfect teeth. I do all the preventative stuff I can at home and go 3 times a year and it isn’t enough. But even with me crying, this new dentist understood and tried to help me feel better.
I wish I could have been calmer (and more normal) at my appointment, but I guess that wasn’t what my first impression was supposed to be. And my new dentist made a great first impression on me, but I will find out very quickly if I am happy with how the major work gets done. Maybe writing that I could be happy is the wrong thing since I don’t think I will ever be happy about having major work done, but I hope that I tolerate it as well or better than I did before. And I already know that this new dentist will make the crown out of the same material so it will still look like a tooth and not be obvious.
I had all the hopes in the world that this appointment would have gone well and I wouldn’t have another dentist visit for 4 months. But now I will have appointments for the next 2 weeks and I can only hope that it goes well and I don’t have a bad panic attack for the next 2 appointments.
Posted onMay 7, 2019|Comments Off on And Another Union Event (or Education, Fun, and Asking Questions)
Just like with my social life and having fun, there are definitely busy times and slow times with union related things. For a while, I felt like I hadn’t been doing much with the union and I haven’t been able to attend events. And now, it seems like there is something every week! I know it will slow down a bit again now, but it’s just going to keep picking up as it gets closer to election season.
So much of the focus lately has been regarding our new commercial contract and the vote on that. But there is a lot of other stuff happening with our union and our industry and that’s what this most recent event was about. It was the Los Angeles general meeting which has different reports from different officers and employees of the union as well as time for a Q&A for any members who want to bring up issues or questions.
I have attended this meeting in the past, but I haven’t been able to attend all of them. So when this meeting was announced, I added it to my calendar right away so I didn’t accidentally schedule something else during it. Even though the meeting wasn’t that close to my house, since it was on a Sunday the traffic wasn’t too bad and I was able to get there right when the event started.
The first hour of the general meeting is a union expo with different committees in the lobby with booths so you can learn more about the committees and what they offer. I did a lap around and was able to say hello to several friends that are leaders of committees. There wasn’t a ton of information I needed to get because I had a lot of the handouts and I know what committees I really want to get more involved in, so I headed into the main meeting room to chat with some more of my friends.
There are no photos allowed during the meeting since there are some confidential things discussed, but before the meeting starts you can take some. There is an official SAG-AFTRA photographer at events like this and she asked my friends and I to gather around for a photo. It was the only picture I got at the meeting so I’m glad I got one.
Although the photo does make me giggle because I am about a full head shorter than every guy around me. I know I have tall friends, but this proves it even more!
When the meeting started, my friends and I found some seats toward the back. I didn’t know how I would feel sitting for so many hours in a row so I wanted to be somewhere I could get up and not disrupt too many people. This ended up working out well for me because I was getting up quite a bit. It wasn’t to stretch but to find people I had to ask questions to. I also thought of something during the meeting that I wanted to ask so I added myself to the speaker list to hopefully be able to ask the question during the Q&A time.
Some big things discussed at the meeting (that I can share) were the new commercial contract and the new payment options that the contract will offer and the new direct deposit system that was set up at the union for residuals. But I think one of the biggest things and possibly the most important was about what the union is doing regarding sexual harassment.
Sexual harassment is not necessarily a new issue, but now people understand how big the issue is. And there are new things the union has been putting in place to help prevent harassment as well as support survivors if it does happen. It is now in our contracts that no meetings are allowed to take place in hotel rooms. What is so great about this being in our contracts is that the actor no longer has to feel responsible for saying no. If they are being asked to meet in a hotel room, they don’t have to worry what the other person will feel with them turning it down. They can put the responsibility on the union and tell the other person that the union does not allow meetings in hotel rooms so they don’t want to break that rule. I know that not everyone understands how important that is, but to have the pressure off of the actor and not having to feel like it is their reason they are saying no is a great thing.
Another thing that the union has done was to create a special hotline with trained professionals for members to report harassment and to get help. That hotline can also direct members to a new free service that provides counseling and helps the member find longer term care and help if needed. I hope to never need the hotline or the free services, but it is good to know that it is there and I’m glad I can direct other members to those options if needed. It helps to not feel as alone if you know there is already something set up for you to use in this type of situation.
There were other things discussed at the meeting like where things are going in the future and some of the new projects that are being worked on, but those are not things I can share just yet. But they did excite me and I’m happy that our union will be leading the way with some things that will benefit more than just our members.
Once all the reports were done, the Q&A started and they had a very organized system for this. If you had a question or a statement, you had to fill out a card and they organized them into categories and people were called to the mike to talk when it was their turn. Some of the categories were about the new contract, issues for background performers, some questions about what exactly was included with the new sexual harassment policies, actors who are also veterans, and the upcoming election.
My question was about something that I felt was missing from the SAG-AFTRA app but there was not time to get to it. Fortunately I found some staff from the communication department when the meeting was done and brought up my concern to them (they would have gotten the information from my speaker card, but I wanted to talk in person if I could). They agreed that some things on the app should be fixed and I’m glad that it is now going to be done. There is so much discussion about the idea that the union is us and not a separate entity and this proved that we do control what happens. It is silly but I felt really powerful knowing that the app is going to have a change because of what I brought up.
I was at the meeting a bit longer than I expected to be there, but I didn’t want to leave early because I did want to hear the concerns of my fellow members. I’m glad I stayed because I did learn a lot about what other people are thinking and I’m going to take those ideas into election season when it starts.
I don’t have any other union events on my calendar right now, but I have a feeling that will probably change soon and I will be in the middle of a busy season for union involvement!
Posted onMay 6, 2019|Comments Off on Trying New Things When I’m Having A Bad Week (or Having An OTF First)
I was really prepared for the worst this past week at Orangetheory. I knew it would be my week of nausea and I really don’t expect much from myself that week. I usually go into my workouts just hoping I can keep moving while I was in class and if I can do more than that it’s a bonus. What I never expect is to have a small breakthrough in my workouts. But this past week surprised me with just that.
Monday’s workout was endurance based and was having moderate nausea. I haven’t decided if I prefer having one horrible nausea day and the rest of the time being only a little nauseous or having moderate nausea for an extended period of time. This past week was moderate nausea for the entire week which made Monday a bit better (but the rest of the week a bit harder). But it helped for making the endurance workout a bit easier.
For cardio we started with a long 3 minute push pace and then we had rounds of 1 minute push paces and 30 second base paces with an all out pace at the end. The 3 minute push was tough to keep going the entire time, but I put my resistance level a bit lower than I normally would. The rounds of 1 minute pushes were a bit better and I felt like I could actually push myself a bit more. I ended up using the base pace time to stop and get some water (and let my nausea pass) so I didn’t really have a base pace during the workout. But considering what I was expecting to be able to do I had a much better time and did a lot more work.
On the rower we started with a 3 minute row for distance. The plan was to go down 100 meters on the rower each time we rowed and have squats with the medicine ball between each row. I usually try to use round numbers when I have this type of rowing workout so I just did the 3 minute distance row and then went down to 500 meters after (I did around 600 meters in those 3 minutes). The long rows weren’t easy, but it was nice to have the ability to zone out a bit while I rowed. I still had to rest in the middle of the rowing a lot, but I wasn’t too worried about that and didn’t stress too much about how far down the row distance I could do.
And on the floor, the first block had side lunges, regular lunges, and crunches. Those all went well and as expected and weren’t anything too crazy. But in the second block, I had a pretty great breakthrough. Whenever we have exercises on the floor that involve stepping on and off the bench I do something on the floor instead like lunges. But the first block already had lunges so I asked my coach what else I could use as a replacement. We worked on figuring out how I could use the bench a bit but I held onto the straps for balance and I wasn’t exactly stepping on and off. I was balancing on one foot while moving the other foot behind me. I’ve done something similar on the floor, but because I’m on the floor I’m limited in how far I can drop the back foot. By doing it on the bench, I had more room to squat down and balance. I still wasn’t doing exactly what we were supposed to do, but it was a big change from what I normally do and I felt how hard I worked after that workout! It was so awesome to know I could do something that I really didn’t think I could do!
Wednesday’s workout was a power day, but I ended up treating it a bit like another endurance day. My nausea was close to what it was like on Monday and I really was expecting it to be better than that. Because of that feeling, I didn’t want to overdo things on the bike and I really wanted to be able to zone out while I was on it.
The cardio was supposed to be different distance challenges with base paces between them, but I really didn’t want to have to focus on the distance on the bike and to do the math needed to plan it out. Both blocks for cardio were 6 minutes so I just kept my resistance level between my base and push paces and just went for the entire block. I had to take lots of breaks during the block, but I was grateful to have a steady resistance level so I could skip focusing on that. I know I didn’t get as hard of a workout as I normally do, but it was better than many nauseous days. And I feel like not having the pressure of focusing on the distance allowed me to do more work than I could have done if I was trying to keep up the pattern.
On the rower, we had only sprint rows. Both blocks had 200, 150, and 100 meter rows. The first block had overhead medicine ball presses between the rows and the second block had medicine ball front presses between the rows. The sprint rows were nice because they were done quickly. I know I was slow and not able to push back as hard as I would have liked on the rower which made them take longer, but they were still done faster than the rows I had on Monday.
And on the floor I had another chance to work on my new bench standing skill. The first block had high rows on the straps, double crunches, and what was supposed to be toe tap hop overs on the bench. I can’t do the hop overs, but I did a similar exercise as I did on Monday with holding onto the straps. This time, I balanced on one leg while putting the back foot back and to the side. I couldn’t do all the reps without standing on the bench again to get my balance, but I’m sure I’ll get there eventually. The second block had pullovers with weights, lunges, and skier swings. It was nice to have a floor workout that only required minimal modifications for my hip issues and no modifications due to my nausea.
Friday’s workout was the hardest day for me by far. My nausea was the same it had been all week, but I had not slept the night before. Going into a workout with only about 20 minutes of sleep is not ideal but I didn’t want to skip the class either. This was the time I feel like I really went in with the mindset that I’m used to having when I’m nauseous. I just wanted to get through it and doing something is better than doing nothing.
The workout was endurance based and I really took it easy on the bike. We had one block with rounds of decreasing push paces with 30 second bases between and one block with rounds of decreasing push paces with 1 minute bases between. I was using my old push and base paces and it was really a struggle. Exhaustion was hitting me really hard in class (although I think having my workout is what helped to keep me awake during work later that day) and all I could think about was trying to keep going. I didn’t do what I know I can do, even when I feel nauseous, and I had to be ok with that.
The rower was also 2 blocks. The first block started with a 300 meter row with squat front presses. Then it was a 600 meter row and we were supposed to hold a squat the rest of the block, but I didn’t finish the 600 meter row before the block ended. The second block followed the same pattern as the treadmill and we had push rows and ground to press with medicine balls as our recovery when the treadmills were in their base pace. After the ground to presses I had about 15 seconds each time to get ready for the next row so it felt like we didn’t have much rest that entire block.
And on the floor, we had 1 long block that was split into 2 mini-blocks. The first mini-block was lateral raises to front raises with weights, alternating shoulder presses with weights, and Y raises with the straps. The second block was goblet squats with weights, regular lunges with weights, and side lunges with weights. The regular lunges were actually supposed to be step ups on the step and I could have tried to figure out a way to modify that on the step with the strap, but I didn’t feel comfortable trying that when I was so tired. I need to be focused when I try things on the step and that day I know I wasn’t.
Saturday’s class was a themed class. It was May The 4th Be With You and everything was pretty much related to 4. We had 4 minutes runs and rows and 4 or 8 reps of things on the floor. It was a bit of a crazy class with a lot of switches, but it ended up being my best class of the week. I was dealing with some anger in my life and I was taking it out in class. Turns out working angry means you get to work hard and you feel better when it’s done!
The cardio and rower blocks worked together and had a run/row type format. If you were doing cardio you did cardio, rowing, cardio and if you were doing rowing you did rowing, cardio, rowing. When we were doing the cardio work, it was a 4 minute distance challenge. I set my resistance level to be at my old push pace for that and it worked really well. It was a bit tough, but considering it was 4 minutes without a break it should be tough! And when we were doing rowing it was 4 rounds of 100 meter rows with 4 frogger squats between. If we finished those 4 rounds we rowed for distance until we switched. Every time I made it to the rowing for distance.
The floor was one long block and it was focused a lot on upper body. We had chest presses, push-ups, high rows on the straps, chest flys, sit-ups, squats, and rollouts on the straps. My arms were still a bit sore from Friday’s workout so I had to take my time with these exercises, but I was able to get a lot of rounds done. I definitely feel the hard work I did still, so I might have gone a little too heavy with the weights, but it was totally worth it to me.
I still can’t believe that I had such great work during a week that I was prepared for the worst. I know that having these not-so-bad nausea weeks are a surprise and I wish they would be more often. But if I get them every few months that would be nice too. I got so much done this past week that I never thought I could do and it was a great boost to my self-esteem during a week that I had some struggles. Hopefully I can keep that going through this week too!
The End Of The Election (or Actors Please Remember To Vote)
