Monthly Archives: September 2018

A Day Of Watching Politics (or I Believe Her)

Posted on September 28, 2018 | 1 comment

Like many people, yesterday I was watching Dr. Ford and Judge Kavanaugh testify regarding the sexual assault allegations. This is history being made and I felt like I needed to watch. I know some friends didn’t watch because it was all too triggering, but I didn’t have that feeling (at least at first) so I tried to watch as much of it as I could. I did miss a few moments because I was watching while I was working and had to actually do work from time to time. But I watched almost all of it.

Obviously I had some bias going in because I do believe that women who make accusations of sexual assaults tend to be telling the truth. False allegations do happen, but they are extremely rare. Some people were saying Dr. Ford was doing this for money or fame, but that’s not what she is getting from coming forward. She is getting death threats and is unable to be in her home safely. Coming forward doesn’t benefit her in any way other than being able to tell her truth and have a clear conscious.

And once Dr. Ford started speaking, I think it was obvious to so many people that she was telling the truth. Even some of my friends who are Trump supporters and want Judge Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court started sharing that she was a believable witness and that maybe something did happen. Politicians on both sides of the spectrum were saying she was credible. Some were saying that even though she is credible it shouldn’t affect the confirmation, which is a bit unbelievable to me.

When they had their break between the testimonies, I was reading social media and it seemed like a majority of people (both Democrats and Republicans) believed Dr. Ford and that gave me some hope. But then some Republicans were saying that just because they believed her that it isn’t important because of various reasons. Some believed that this happened too long ago to matter anymore. Some believed that just because he did something wrong it shouldn’t outweigh good things.

When Judge Kavanaugh started his testimony, you could tell there was as change of how people were feeling and reacting. Again, with my bias it felt like he was being angry and annoyed by this entire process. I know some Republicans agreed with my opinion and some felt it was justified because they didn’t think that this should have happened. I don’t personally think his reaction to the questions helped his case and made him look even-tempered and ready for the job of being on the Supreme Court. But it’s not up to me to decide and we will just have to wait and see what happens.

This entire thing has been crazy to watch. I know that this is history making, but I also have never been as involved in politics as I am now so I am extra aware of everything going on. I’ve been trying to read information from sources that are non-partisan or to read sources that are on both sides to get an honest and full view of what’s happening. And there is one thing that is extremely clear about all of this.

This is something that doesn’t need to be as political as it has been. Someone being appointed to the Supreme Court is not supposed to be on one side or the other. We know that it’s not the case, but it’s supposed to be like that. If it really wasn’t about political party, then when President Obama was trying to appoint someone to fill the vacancy it would have been considered. But instead, the majority in control said it was not right to appoint someone before an election. If we are using that as an example, then it would not be right to appoint someone now as we are so close to another election. But I also don’t want this to continue for any appointment when there is an election happening at any point in time.

And someone accusing another of assault or any other crime shouldn’t be political. I’m saddened that people are saying just because Dr. Ford didn’t come forward sooner that it is somehow a political move. I know that people don’t always come forward with assault allegations immediately. I am one of those people. Dr. Ford came forward before Judge Kavanaugh was announced as the official nomination. Things moved too quickly for her statements to be known before he was the nomination and the time she could speak up was while he was being questioned. That timing is not political with the exception of possibly how quickly things have happened. But her timing of coming forward doesn’t mean that it’s politically motivated or some sort of conspiracy theory.

I wish I had something nice to end this post with, but I don’t. I am glad I watched things yesterday but it also left me feeling unsettled and sad. The questioning made me sad, the answers made me sad, and the reactions from elected officials and citizens made me sad. And all of it was making me feeling uneasy and concerned about what will happen politically in the future. This time of everything being accused of being political isn’t going to go away. It’s going to continue for a long time. I am hoping that one day it will go back to how it was even just a few years ago when people on both sides worked together and didn’t think party first.

My personal belief is that Dr. Ford is telling the truth. I also believe that even if she wasn’t truthful that Judge Kavanaugh’s attitude during this all has shown that he might not have the temperament to be on the Supreme Court. I think that he showed that he was quick-tempered and not happy with the repetitive questioning which is something common when dealing with politics and legal issues.

But again, it’s not my decision on what happens.

I just wanted to share that I do believe her. And I believe other survivors who have been coming forward even though years have passed since they were attacked.

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A NextGen Mixer (or Just Having Fun With My Friends)

Posted on September 27, 2018 | Comments Off on A NextGen Mixer (or Just Having Fun With My Friends)

So many of the union events I go to are a bit more serious. They are informative sessions about an issue concerning the union or are related to the elections. But sometimes I get to go to a fun union event which I love! Even though I want to be involved in the union and want to understand the issues we are passionate about, I also just like having fun with my friends and meeting other members. Fortunately, there are events like that from time to time.

A lot of the events that the NextGen Performers committee does are those fun ones. One of the main goals of that committee is to get younger members of the union involved and excited about what is going on. And having a mixer with free food and drinks is a great way to get people to come to an event! And while they are there, you can educate them about things that may be affecting them as union members. And for non-union members who attend those events can learn more about the benefits of union membership and what the differences can be between union and non-union work.

There was a mixer this week and because my mind was on other things I completely forgot about RSVPing for it. I went online the night before and the registration was showing closed. I didn’t know if that meant that they were filled or that it was too close to the date to sign up, so I texted a friend who is on the committee to see what was happening. He was able to add me to the list so I could attend and I was so grateful for him doing that (it wasn’t even what I was asking about, he just went ahead and did it)!

The mixer was at Lure in Hollywood. I had never been to the venue before, but it was pretty close to the Pantages so I knew that parking might be a bit tough to find. I skipped searching for street parking because there was a lot of traffic and road construction and just went to a parking garage. It wasn’t the cheapest option, but it was convenient and right across the street from the venue. And since I didn’t want to be out too late, I wanted to get to the mixer as close to when it started as possible.

As soon as I checked in and walked inside, I started looking for people I knew. It’s always a bit nerve-racking when I’m at a big event and don’t see a familiar face so I usually look for a friend as soon as I arrive. Fortunately, I saw some friends and union staff members right inside the door. I went over to say hello to them and then started seeing more people I knew. And then some of my friends were heading inside from the entryway where the step and repeat was into the ballroom and I followed them.

I wish I had taken photos of the venue because it was really amazing! The ballroom was nice and open with lots of seating all over. There was some food being served, but the line for food was a bit long and I wasn’t too hungry. So while my friends went to get food, I was scanning the crowd to see who else I knew. I saw my friend who got me on the list for the mixer so I went over to say thank you to him. And he was chatting with some other friends of mine so I started to catch up with them.

The rest of the evening was pretty much me moving around and finding more friends I knew. I walked with some friends to the step and repeat and saw more people I knew. I didn’t really care about taking nice photos so I went over to my friends. Then they were going to head up to the stage to talk for a bit about the event and the groups that organized it, so I found a couch area off to the side where I could watch.

When my friend Ben (who was my date to the Convention Gala last year) was speaking, I took a photo to share on social media. It was only after I took the photo that I realized that the video on the screen behind him had a clip of him at the exact moment that I got the photo. So it was double Bens!

After the speeches, the mixer was back to being a social event and I went to find my friends again. And while I was chatting with them I noticed a friend who I hadn’t seen in quite a while walking past us. It was also his birthday that night so I wanted to tell him happy birthday! And he was telling me all about the amazing things that were happening in his life after he had a bit of a rough patch. And because he is also single, our conversation turned to some ridiculousness we both have had with online dating and dating in LA in general.

The mixer was only 2 hours long so while I was catching up with my friend the event ended (and they turned the lights on so it was clear they were hoping we’d all be leaving quickly). But before I left I wanted to grab a quick photo with the signs they always have at the NextGen Performer events. The step and repeat was already down, so I just got a photo in front of the bar. My hair looks a bit weird because there was a piece in front of my face, but I wasn’t really thinking about how I was looking when taking the photo.

I’m so grateful my friend was able to get me on the list for this mixer and that I went. I love having opportunities to see friends and this was a great one! I didn’t get to meet that many new people because I was focused on catching up with all the people I saw that I knew, but that’s ok. I know there will be another event soon where I can focus more on getting to know more union members.

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A Night Out With Friends (or Emmys and Elopements)

Posted on September 26, 2018 | Comments Off on A Night Out With Friends (or Emmys and Elopements)

Sometimes, my friends throw amazing parties that end up being so much better than I ever could have expected. And this past weekend, I went to one of those parties.

My friend Dena has been out of the country for a while working and traveling. She is finally back in LA and wanted to have a party at her house to celebrate her being back in town. But she had a second reason to want to throw a party because her boyfriend had been nominated for his first Emmy this year! He didn’t win, but we all know this is the first of many nominations. So Dena invited me to a party that was half welcome home and half Emmy celebration. I obviously said yes to the party, and as an added bonus Dena lives only a few minutes from my house so it was super easy to get to!

I wish I had taken more photos at the party because it really was an amazing party that blew me away when I arrived! It was a cocktail party so it was so much fun seeing everyone dressed up. And they had a ton of food and a gorgeous dessert table with desserts baked by another friend of mine. I didn’t end up eating while I was there because I was still recovering from the Dri-Tri a few hours before and my stomach was a bit off. But everything smelled delicious and all my friends said all the food was incredible.

In the invitation, they mentioned that there would be a special toast at 8pm and to please be at the party by then. I personally thought that maybe Dena and her boyfriend were engaged and this was a surprise engagement party. A few of my friends and I discussed that when we arrived at the party and we all had similar ideas about that. We just had to wait until 8 to hear what was going to happen.

At 8pm, Dena and her boyfriend Greg got up to speak in front of everyone. There was a posterboard behind them that was congratulating Greg on his Emmy nomination.

Then they announced that they recently got engaged and wanted to celebrate that with us all! We were so excited for them but the announcements weren’t done. Dena and Greg said that they wanted to throw this party so they could ask us all to save the date and put another posterboard up with a photo of them and below the photo it said “Save The Date 9-7-18”. There was a moment of confusion before they showed us another posterboard explaining it.

They eloped 2 weeks earlier and were married!

So this party that we thought was a welcome home/Emmy celebration was actually more of a wedding reception for their elopement! Everyone was pretty much in shock and so happy for them. It was such a wonderful celebration already and now it was even better! Everyone was crowding them to congratulate them and I eventually got to Dena to tell her congrats and she could show off her engagement ring and wedding band.

After the announcement, the party continued pretty similarly to how it was going before. They just wanted to have a fun celebration with all of their friends and that’s exactly what they were having. They did have a first dance and a wedding cake that they cut so it made it more of a reception than just a regular party. But it really felt so perfect that this is how they were celebrating their wedding with their friends. It was so casual and everyone was enjoying themselves. All my friends who have gotten married have told me that all they wanted was everyone to have fun. And that’s exactly what Dena got.

I spent most of the party hanging out with my friends who were there and just enjoying the party as an observer. I know I was not my most social because I was tired and my body was sore, but that didn’t stop me from having fun. I really do love just spending time with my friends. And since I rarely see these friends dressed fancy, I think just seeing them in cocktail attire instead of casual clothes was enough to put a huge smile on my face. And I don’t dress up that often so I was enjoying looking fancy too.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to be at the party too late because of all the things I had earlier that day. But I managed to stay there for a couple of hours before heading back to my car to go home. But because a lot of the people at the party have kids or had a longer drive home, it seemed like it was starting to wind down a bit by the time I was making my rounds to say goodbye to everyone. I found Dena again before I left and congratulated her again and we agreed that now that she’s back in LA we will hang out soon and I’m sure I’ll get to hear all about their elopement and how it all came together. I can’t wait to hear the story!

I already knew that this party was going to be awesome because it was celebrating an amazing friend, but it was way beyond what I expected when I got there. It’s not often that I get to be surprised by something, but this really surprised everyone who was there and it was so fun to get to be a part of that!

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Another Dri-Tri Saturday (or Just Trying To Show Improvement)

Posted on September 25, 2018 | 2 comments

I’ve done the Dri-Tri 4 times before the one I did this past weekend. 3 of those were individual ones and the most recent one was a relay where I did the rowing only. No matter if it’s an individual one or a relay, I want to do my best. I always want to see signs of improvement and proof that I am getting stronger and fitter.

It’s tough to do that because the Dri-Tri is different from regular classes. No matter how prepared I feel, I always feel a bit overwhelmed in the middle of the event. I do everything I can not to feel that way, but it was the same thing with the 5K races I did.

This time, I was feeling a bit uncertain about a lot of it. I hadn’t been doing as much treadmill work as I normally do and even though we had lots of rowing and even some endurance rowing I was still unsure about my rowing abilities. But no matter what, I knew that I would be able to do this and finish. It was only a question if I could PR on any part of it.

This was the first time I had the Dri-Tri at the Culver City location and I think that I was the only person in my heat who had done one before (this was the first Dri-Tri for the Culver City studio). Since I am there more often than the Brentwood studio, it was nice to have it at a studio I am used to going to 3 times a week. And I do think the room set-up there is a bit better for the event.

Before we got started, the coaches went over everything. It was the same as the other ones I did. We started with a 2000 meter row, then we had 300 body weight floor exercises (push-ups, squats, burpees, step ups, hop overs, and plank jacks) and then a 5K on the treadmill. There were some people in my heat doing the sprint Dri-Tri which means they did half of all the sections. But almost everyone was going to do the full one and the room was a mix of excitement and nerves.

When we started on the rower, I focused on not going too hard. Burning out on the rower is something I’ve done before and something I was scared to do again. My goal was to try to stay pretty steady with my pace the entire time and then pick it up for the last 200 or so meters. The rowers were set with our 500 meter split times so I was able to track that and try to do the math in my head if I was on pace or not. I knew I wanted to be under 9 minutes but I really to be under 8:45 to get a PR.

I was doing really great with being steady on the rower. Some of the coaches were complimenting me on how strong my form was. That was nice to hear because I know my form can get sloppy when I’m tired. I knew that I would likely be the last person off of the rower, so I didn’t focus on people around me. I was in my head a lot trying to distract myself at times and just time my pacing when I felt like I was going too hard. And for the last 200 meters, I towed really hard and went for it. I finished in 8:51 which was under my goal but not a PR. But I couldn’t focus too much on that because I needed to get to the floor work.

I took a moment to catch my breath and drink some water, but I tried to quickly get started with the push-ups. I wasn’t trying to compete and place, so I did them on my knees to make things a little easier for me. The squats were easy and fine for me. For the burpees I did my modified ones using the bench so I could hop back and forth instead of stepping my feet out. I can’t do step ups because of my hips so I did lunges instead (which is what I did every other time). And the hop overs and plank jacks were both easy enough to do, but still tough because I was tired.

The floor work is done as 2 rounds so once I finished the first round I took another break to catch my breath. The floor work has always been tough for me in the Dri-Tri, but getting to that halfway mark really helped this time. I knew what I had already done and what I still needed to do. And I was ready to go through it again. I was also keeping my eyes on the clock because I knew what time I needed to be on the treadmill by in order to be under my goal time.

For the past few Dri-Tris, I’ve wanted to do the treadmill work as a run/walk. Power walkers only do a 2.5K, so I have had the idea that I would do the 2.5K and record the time to compare it to my other Dri-Tris and then I’d continue on to do the full 5K and record that time too. I would love to have goal times for both. And that was my intention with this one. I told the coaches of my plan and they understood what I was hoping to do. So when I got on the treadmill I was optimistic that this would be the time that I did it.

Since my running has been very limited, the run/walk intervals I had in mind were not what I have done for 5Ks in the past. I was thinking about walking for 2 minutes and running for 30 seconds. If I felt good I could change it, but that seemed like a good plan to me. And I did do that to start out. I think starting with the walking was smart and allowed me to do the little bit of running. But I managed to do the intervals twice before I realized running just wasn’t going to be the right choice for me.

So I went down to my power walking speed and just kept going. I was still watching the clock and trying to do the math in my head if I was going to make it under my goal time. And I realized I would need to pick up the pace a bit to make it. So I did intervals similar to the run/walk one I had planned but just did it with increasing my power walking speed.

I knew it would be close and realized that I would need to run a little bit more to hit my goal. So for the last .1 of the 1.55 miles I did, I ran at my normal running speed. As much as I would have liked to have sprint, just running felt like a sprint at that point.

I didn’t really have a goal time in mind for the treadmill, just an overall goal time I was mindful of. I wanted to finish in under 50 minutes (I knew my PR was significantly faster than I could have gone so I didn’t even think about that time). And when I finished my 2.5K, I looked up at the clock and it said 49:08! It was such a relief to finish and to finish under the goal time. It was a bit frustrating to not PR in any section or overall, but I also know just completing it is more than many people do.

And there was no way I could keep going on the treadmill. I was done. My hips were killing me and I needed to recover. I didn’t even think twice about stopping and was so happy to be off the treadmill. I sat on the floor to stretch, drink water, and cheer on those who were still working on finishing.

I love that everyone stayed to cheer others on. It’s so supportive and I know if I was the last person on the treadmill I would feel better about it if I didn’t have to be alone. I finished toward the middle of the group so there were several people I got to cheer on. And watching them finish and be so proud of themselves was so great to watch.

And of course once we were all done we had to take a sweaty group photo.

All the coaches at all the Orangetheory locations I’ve been to have always been so supportive, but I felt like I got a bit of extra support this time. When I was on the rower, my foot straps were getting loose and that makes it harder to row. I didn’t want to stop rowing so I asked my coach Jenna to help me out. She didn’t hesitate for a second and got things much more secure for me so I could keep going. And when I was on the treadmill, my coach Hart came by to check in on me. I was struggling, but I asked him if he could help me refill my water bottle. I was out of water and didn’t want to have to get off the treadmill. Again, there was no hesitation to help out so that I could focus on finishing.

I’m guessing the next Dri-Tri will be in the spring since that is usually the timing of them. And as always I plan on doing that one and seeing what I can do. I really want to PR somewhere in the Dri-Tri and would seriously love to be able to do the full 5K. I know both things will require a lot of hard work and training on my part, but I want to see what I can do. And I love that I am so motivated to try! That’s not easy for me to want to do!

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Dri-Tri Prep Workouts (or The Beginning Of My Workout Week)

Posted on September 24, 2018 | Comments Off on Dri-Tri Prep Workouts (or The Beginning Of My Workout Week)

This past week of workouts consisted of 3 regular workouts and the Dri-Tri. My experience of the Dri-Tri is going to be in a different post (I feel like it always deserves its own post), so this is just about my first 3 workouts of the week.

Monday’s workout was a weird one for me. I got to the workout feeling really good and doing my warm-up on the treadmill since I wasn’t feeling nauseous anymore. I was fine during the warm-up but as soon as I added incline to do the first push pace, the nausea returned. I was really disappointed in this because this workout was a power day and it was going to be a great day to work on running (which I wanted to do to prepare for the Dri-Tri), but I couldn’t keep going on the treadmill feeling like that and switched to the bike.

With the exception of the first push pace in the first block, all of the blocks on the cardio side were about doing all out paces and walking recoveries. Each block had the same pattern with the all out pace being the same amount of time and the walking recovery increasing by 15 seconds each time. Each block had 4 all out paces and 3 recoveries and the all out paces were 1 minute, 45 seconds, and 30 seconds. Since I was feeling frustrated on the bike, I decided to push myself more than normal. I did my normal all out resistance for the 1 minute block. For the 45 second block I did 2 levels higher which I rarely use. And for the 30 second block I went another 2 levels higher which I usually only use if there is supposed to be a high incline on the treadmill for hill work. It wasn’t easy, but it made me feel better about being on the bike.

On the floor, we ended each block with an all out on the rower to go along with the last all out that the people on the treadmill were doing. But before that row, we had regular exercises to do. The first block was clean to press with weights and goblet squats. I went really heavy with my weight for the goblet squats and my legs were really feeling that the next day (probably the work with high resistance on the bike also made my legs sore). The second block was squats to high rows with weights and running man. And the last block was plank leg raises and double crunches. And with all the rowing all outs, I tried to get my rowing to be the best form possible while going quickly and with a lot of strength coming from my legs. Our rowers were set to MPH instead of wattage and I was able to get the MPH higher each time I was on the rower.

Wednesday’s workout was an endurance based run/row and I was a bit nervous about it. My legs were still feeling a bit sore from Monday’s workout (clearly I overdid it a lot) and I didn’t know how I would feel on the treadmill. But somehow, it really felt like we weren’t on the treadmill much at all.

We had 3 blocks of the run/row and it was kind of like we created our own plan. In the first block, we had a 2 1/2 minute row for distance. We had to remember what the distance was and after that we had a recovery row for about a minute. Then we were in the next block. For the second block, we had to row the same distance we got in our 2 1/2 minute row, but the goal was to complete it faster. I managed to take a few seconds off of my row which made me happy. When the row was done, we went to the treadmill and went until the block ended (which was about 4 1/2 minutes for me). I was power walking slightly slower than I normally do because my legs were sore. But it also felt good to be on the treadmill to try to stretch them out a bit. When that block ended, we had to remember the distance on the treadmill. And for the last block, we had to do the distance we got on the treadmill again and then go to the rower to do the distance we did in the first block. And if there was any time left after that, we had to hold a static squat. I finished with about 15 seconds left so I got to do a little bit of squat work before switching to the floor.

The floor also had 3 blocks and in all 3 blocks we had blast-off push-ups. These are push-ups that start with you leaning back like you are getting ready to spring and them push forward to be in a plank to do a push-up. They were not easy to do and they were actually making me feel a bit queasy. It was a different feeling than my hormonal nausea which was interesting to experience in a workout. So I had to be careful with where I was focusing my eyes during these push-ups. In the first block we also had skier swings with weights. The second block we also had uppercuts with weights and triceps with weights. And in the last block we also had weighted squat swings and bicycle crunches. I wasn’t going too heavy on my weights, especially on the squat work because I was sore. But I think because I was sore it felt like I was working harder than I really was, but that’s ok. I also was feeling a bit less sore after the workout than I was when I started.

Friday was my last workout before the Dri-Tri. I was debating if I should go a bit easier on myself so I didn’t get too sore or feel tired the next day, but when I saw it was a power workout I decided not to do that. I was still being a bit cautious and not going too hard, but I also wanted to test myself. I haven’t had a lot of time on the treadmill lately and I haven’t been able to do a lot of running. But with the Dri-Tri I really wanted to try to do some running intervals. So this workout was my last chance to test them out.

It was a 3 group workout so I was on the treadmill for about 15 minutes. We had 3 blocks and they all had a push pace, a base pace, a push pace, and an all out pace. Some of the push paces were a bit longer and over a minute and normally I would try to run those. But since I hadn’t been doing much running at all I decided to limit my running to 30 seconds at a time with the exception of the all out paces which were 45 seconds. While I would love my running intervals to be better and to know at the Dri-Tri I could do better than my last 5K, I’m not there yet. I was already thinking my run intervals for the next day would probably only be able to be 30 or 45 seconds, so limiting my running during the workout was a good prep day for what it would feel like. It wasn’t easy, but I felt a bit more optimistic that it would be possible to do intervals for the Dri-Tri as long as the rowing and floor work don’t burn me out.

Next I was on the rower where we had sprint row intervals. In between the rowing in the first and last block we had squats and in between the rowing in the second block we had lunges. The rowing was all short so a lot of people were pushing themselves to see how fast they could go. I decided to use that time to work on making sure my form is good and that I can stay steady with a pace. I still went a bit faster than I would have liked to, but all my rowing times were under the goal time which is always good. And on the floor we also had 3 blocks. We had lunges, push-ups, single arm chest presses, single arm reverse flys, hopovers, and bicep curls. I wasn’t using the heaviest weights for the weighted work because I didn’t want to be too sore on Saturday. But I still worked hard.

After those 3 workouts, I was cautiously optimistic about my Dri-Tri. I knew that I had done the best I could to be ready for it, but I also knew that there was so much more that I would have liked to do. I would have liked to have more long rowing challenges to test my endurance. I would have liked to be better with my running so I could feel confident that I could do run/walk intervals on the treadmill. And I would have liked to have just felt better about things going into it. There was still a bit of uncertainty on how well I would do, but I had to just keep telling myself that even if I am significantly slower than I ever have been, I will still be able to finish it.

And tomorrow I’ll share about how it went and whether or not I was able to reach any of the goals I had in my head.

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Default ThumbnailFeeling Better About My Progress (or Coming Back From The Dri-Tri) Default ThumbnailSome Dri-Tri Prep Workouts (or Trading One Ailment For Another) Default ThumbnailLots Of Running (or Dri-Tri Prep Week) Default ThumbnailMixing Up The Routine (or Almost PRs And Dri-Tri Prep) Default ThumbnailGetting Ready For The Dri-Tri (or Working My Way Through The Workouts) Default ThumbnailBack To Regular Workouts (or Making Improvements On My Dri-Tri)

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Working On Rejection (or Why Can’t Dating Be Like Acting)

Posted on September 21, 2018 | Comments Off on Working On Rejection (or Why Can’t Dating Be Like Acting)

As an actor, you deal with rejection all the time. Actors get rejected for more jobs than they are offered. Every single day, I submit myself to various projects and my agents submit me as well. A majority of the time, I never hear back from those submissions so I was rejected for even an audition. And when I do get an audition, I don’t usually book the job. I don’t see that rejection as anything bad since everyone deals with it. And I know that not every part is right for me. My job when I audition is to do the best job I can in the room so the casting director wants to bring me back when there is another part I might be right for.

But even though I am very comfortable with rejection in my acting career and it doesn’t bother me one bit, I can’t say the same about dating. There are some times that I think everyone would agree that I am right to be upset over rejection or someone lying to me. I don’t think anyone expects someone to be ok with being hurt that way, especially when it’s someone who you cared about and you thought cared about you. I also know that those situations are sometimes inevitable and are a part of life. Dating has always had some rejection or heartache, that’s not just something that started with online dating.

And I guess ghosting could have been a thing before as well, but it seems like it really picked up with dating apps. I’ve had a couple of guys ghost me, but more recently there have been 2 that really got to me. One guy I had 2 dates with and then they were out-of-town (this was something we had discussed on our first date). From before our first date through their time out-of-town, we were texting at least once a day. We were making tentative plans for when they were back in LA. And once they were back, they stopped texting. They never unmatched with me on the app we matched on, but all communication stopped. I reached out one more time, they responded, but then ghosted me again. That really bugged me because there was nothing that made me feel like things weren’t going to move forward with another date. But I guess he didn’t care to see me again and he didn’t feel like he should say something to me.

And more recently, there was someone who seemed like a real great guy. We got along, could talk about a ton of different subjects without awkward silences, and he was planning creative dates for us. On our last date, something just didn’t seem right to me. I mentioned it hoping that would make things better (sometimes it’s better to bring up a weird feeling than ignore it and hope it goes away) and he said everything was fine but he was just tired from working long hours. That could have been it, but I still had a gut feeling that something was off and he wasn’t telling me. We made plans for the next day, and I haven’t heard from him since. I honestly have no clue what happened, but again I was ghosted by a guy who didn’t have the manners to end things like an adult.

Those ghosting situations are the standard ones because I had met these guys in person and we had been talking and dating. I don’t know what to call the guys who disappear before I even meet them since I don’t know if it’s really the same thing as ghosting. But a new trend I’ve been seeing is a guy who is messaging with me on whatever app we connect with (I don’t give out my number until I meet a guy in person to protect myself from scammers and catfish) and we make plans for a date. Sometimes everything is planned, sometimes it’s just the date and time and we are going to figure out a location later. And then the day of the date I go to the app to message them to either finalize plans or say that I’m excited to meet them, and they are no longer listed in my matches. They could have been scammers or had their accounts blocked, but more often than not they just unmatched with me.

I know that there are some guys on the apps who are in relationships that use dating apps to get an ego boost. They don’t consider it cheating if they never meet someone in person, but they message as if they wanted to meet up just to get the validation that a woman likes them. I think it’s stupid and if I ever figured out in advance that a guy was doing that with me I’d unmatch with them first. But of course, most of these guys give no clue that they are doing that so I just feel rejected because I had been excited about the date that won’t be happening.

I’ve gotten much better with dealing with dating rejection in the past year, but it’s still not easy for me. I think a lot of the rejection I struggle with comes from when I meet a guy (or am messaging with a guy) who seems genuine and kind. I don’t try to imagine what a future could be with them, but I think everyone thinks about stuff like that when they meet someone they are interested in. The rejection is almost more of feeling hurt that a potential future isn’t going to happen anymore. And while I have the same feeling with auditions (whenever I go out for a big role I have to stop myself from imagining how it could change my life), but I have had so much more practice with acting.

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Remembering To See My Friends (or Actually Scheduling Hangouts)

Posted on September 20, 2018 | Comments Off on Remembering To See My Friends (or Actually Scheduling Hangouts)

It can seem like I see my friends a lot more often than I actually do. Some of my friends are people I see at my workouts, some I see at union events, and some I have scheduled fun things like the musicals with. I love that I have friends who are a part of regular things I do in my life, but I also know that I have been relying on those way more often than I should. Everyone is very busy so I’m not the only person guilty of doing this, but I also know that I need to be active in fixing it when I realize this has become a regular problem.

The problem with fixing it is that it’s never easy to schedule hangouts. With all of our schedules being very different and not everyone having a steady schedule from week to week, it can take a month or longer to actually find a time that I can see certain friends. I know that it really isn’t something that can be fixed because we all have random jobs. The life of being a creative person means you usually end up jobs that have nontraditional schedules. I’m lucky that very few of my friends work late nights or graveyard shifts, but some of them do. And even with my friends that work “normal” hours, they don’t always have time after work because they usually have to make dinner, do errands, workout, and many of them have classes after work since that’s the only time they can fit it in.

So when I can make a plan quickly with a friend to hang out, it’s such a special treat. And I had that this week with a good friend of mine. We had seen each other at the Union Working meeting and were texting after the meeting discussing different union related issues. Our texts were becoming very long and we realized it would be easier to have this conversation in person. And by some miracle, we were able to find a time only a few days later that we could meet up to talk!

My friend came over to my side of town (which can be a pretty big deal in LA) and we met at a Starbucks near my house. Starbucks might not be the most interesting place to meet, but it was convenient and there is free parking (a rarity in LA). We met up after I was done with work that day and I was able to get there a bit early so we could have a table to sit at inside.

I honestly can’t remember the last time this friend and I had hung out outside of events we were both at. It easily has been years since that happened. And we did talk about a few life things going on with both of us but the majority of our hangout was discussing union related issues. My friend has some big concerns that they haven’t been able to get answers to and many of them are things that I had not considered. While some things weren’t the most positive things to hear, I’m glad they shared them with me because it’s important to know what other union members are thinking. There are some things they shared that are concerns of mine as well, and that got me thinking about being more active in trying to get answers or fix things.

One of the biggest things that is shared at the Union Working meetings is that we cannot complain about the union if we aren’t going to try to fix it. We are the union and we have the power to make it what we want it to be. I don’t have as much power to change things as other people do, but I still have a voice and a say in what happens. Even union members who aren’t elected in any way to serve have the ability to speak up. Many of them don’t because either they are scared or they don’t know how they can do it. And I do try to share with people how they can be more involved (like going to the W&W meetings we have next month about our commercial contract).

It didn’t feel like we were talking that long, but by the time my friend and I looked at the time about over 2 hours had passed! I guess that’s what happens when you hang out with someone awesome. And even though we were debating and disagreeing on many issues, we left the hangout with no hard feelings and we both respect each other just as much or more than we did before. That’s another sign of having an amazing friend. You don’t always have to think the same thing to get along.

Sometimes I feel like when I am trying to schedule a hangout with a friend I feel like it has to be something more than it really needs to be. Just going to Starbucks and having coffee together can be enough to strengthen a friendship and to be able to continue connecting with the people I love. I just need to be better about remembering to do it more often.

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Friends Helping Friends (or Not Being Afraid To Ask For Support)

Posted on September 19, 2018 | Comments Off on Friends Helping Friends (or Not Being Afraid To Ask For Support)

This is a bit of an update on my friend, but it goes a lot further. My friend who was getting inpatient treatment is now home and all of us who knew what was happening are so happy for them. There are still a lot of uncertain things and some things that are stressing them out about the help that they need, but it is moving forward and I have a strong feeling that things will work themselves out. A lot of things are still in the works and are not necessarily a straight path to success, but they have gotten so much help so far and so many things are much better than they were before.

I mentioned in my previous post that I was able to share what happened with a small group of friends so they could help me out. Doing that was such a huge relieve for me because I could feel like not everything was dependent on me. As much as I always want to help friends and see what I can do, I know I can’t do it alone. I do feel like I show people how much I care by helping them when I can and being there for them. It’s not the only way I show that I care, but it is a bit one. And it also makes me feel needed when I can help someone. So passing it off to another person makes me feel like I’m not doing enough. But I’ve been trying to get better about asking for help because I know that most of the time it is the right thing to do.

But at the same time, asking for help is a difficult thing for me. And it’s a difficult thing for my friend as well. I completely understand the feeling because you don’t necessarily want to put yourself out there. If you ask people for help and nobody gets back to you or can do it, what does that mean about you? What does that mean about your friendship? I understand thinking that you aren’t important enough to people if they can’t help you, even though I know that it’s not the truth. But putting yourself out there is also opening yourself to rejection which is a very scary thing.

After my friend came home, I talked to them and we decided to create a new message group that included all the people from before as well as my friend. That way, they could ask for help from people who know what happened (they have not told everyone yet and I didn’t want them to feel like they needed to do that to ask for help). So we have our new message thread going on where my friend can ask if people have recommendations for things or if they can bring them food. People have been able to step up and help out and I know that my friend really has appreciated it all.

I admire my friend for being strong enough to ask for help when they are in such a vulnerable state. It’s also something that they have struggled with in the past so working on it is such a big step. I hope that asking for help and receiving it will help them know that they are loved and that asking for help can be a good thing, but I also know that feeling that can take a long time. I don’t have the same worries that my friend has, yet I still worry about asking for help because of the feeling of needing something and not getting it. I don’t like to feel like I’m not able to get what I need so I don’t like to rely on someone else.

I should take a note from my friend and work on doing steps to being better about asking for help. I could probably use the same message group that we created for my friend to ask for help for private matters. And I’m trying to be more active about asking for help on social media, even if it’s a silly thing. For example, I needed a tripod holder for my phone and I knew I could easily buy one. But because I’m working on not shopping online, I didn’t just go to Amazon and get one. So I put it on Facebook to my friends to see if anyone could loan me one, and a friend reached out and said I could borrow theirs when I needed it. It was such a simple ask, but it also isn’t what I normally would have done before.

While I continue to encourage my friend to ask for help and to work on being there for them when they need it, I really also want to work on taking my own advice and doing the same thing for myself. I know I have friends who wouldn’t mind helping me if I just asked them to. And if they feel the same sense of being needed by helping others that I do, I should allow them to help me.

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Another Musical Season (or Enjoying A Repeat Musical)

Posted on September 18, 2018 | Comments Off on Another Musical Season (or Enjoying A Repeat Musical)

Even though the last season of our shows at the Pantages just ended about a month ago, the new season just started for us! Technically the new season officially starts in November with the season ticket package we bought, but our group also decided to get a couple of add-on shows so we got to start our season early! That also means that we have 11 shows this season instead of the 7 that came with our package! It’s going to be a full season, but I’m really excited for it.

One thing that is different for this season is that I have more repeat musicals than any other season. Out of the 11 shows, I’ve seen 7 before. That’s a lot considering that in the past seasons I usually only had seen 1 or 2 before. But since I’ve been enjoying seeing musicals more than once lately, I’m actually really excited about it.

And this first show was a repeat one for me. We saw “Beautiful“, which I previously saw about 2 years ago when Dani and I did our Black Friday deal for a mini-season of tickets.

Dani and I had seen the show before, but the 2 other people in our group hadn’t seen it. Michelle, who has been a part of our past 2 seasons and is doing this season too, was new to the show. And my friend Grace is the 4th person in our group this season, but she was unable to make this show. So my birthday twin Joanna took the 4th ticket and she was new to the show too! Joanna actually didn’t know really anything about the show, but when I asked her if she wanted the ticket she was free and the price was right so she said yes!

I remember the first time I saw “Beautiful” that I was almost a bit overwhelmed. There was so much to pay attention to in the show and I knew I missed things. There were some on stage quick changes that I wished I could see again and sometimes I got distracted by the music because I didn’t realize the song was done by Carole King. So it was nice to get to see the show again so I could focus on it in a different way than I could the first time seeing it.

And being able to focus on it in a different way gave me a different appreciation and I got a different enjoyment out of the show. I was so glad that it was just as good (if not better) the second time around because not every musical is one that I think I would enjoy seeing a second time. Some of the shock I felt the last time seeing the show from not realizing things would be happening was gone and I could just sit back, relax, and enjoy the performances. It was funny because I did tell Joanna that there were some amazing on stage quick changes and when they happened she had the same reaction I had the first time. And after the show was done she was telling me how much she loved it.

Dani and I both agreed that this touring cast was amazing. We had some favorites from the last touring cast and this one, but overall it was still a really wonderful show and we enjoyed it. And Michelle really liked it too and I think we all agreed it was a great way to kick off a new season of shows.

The last time I saw “Beautiful”, I said it was my favorite musical I had seen. It’s still one of my favorites, but now that I’ve seen so many musicals I don’t know if I can pick a favorite anymore. I see musicals a different way now that they don’t feel like a rare treat. When you don’t see them that often, I think it’s easier to pick favorites. Now that I see them about every month or every other month, I can notice more specific differences between shows. One show might have the most impressive songs while another has the best overall script. One show might be incredible with costumes and dancing while another can have the best actors. I don’t know how to pick which show is my favorite because for almost every single show I’ve seen in the past few years I can name one thing that was the best in that show.

I really wasn’t concerned that this coming season of shows would be a lot of shows that I’ve seen before. There is only 1 show that I have seen more than once that I really didn’t care for it after the first time. It’s still a bit of a novelty for me to see shows more than once since I went so long without seeing musicals. And fortunately almost all the experiences I’ve had before with repeat shows have been good and usually make me appreciate the musical more. The next show will be a new one for me, but with all the repeat shows coming up I am getting more and more excited to see what it will be like seeing those shows again. I’m just really glad the first show in this season of repeat shows was such a wonderful night out to start things off on a really great note.

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A Week Full Of Rowing (or Figuring Out What I Can Do When Nauseous)

Posted on September 17, 2018 | Comments Off on A Week Full Of Rowing (or Figuring Out What I Can Do When Nauseous)

This past week of workouts were pretty tough for me. I was dealing with a lot of nausea the entire week (even with expecting it to happen, it still took a toll on me). I modified things as much as I could, but some of the workouts just weren’t designed for someone nauseous to be doing them. But I pushed through as much as I could. And I will say that one thing that helped me a lot was that we had a lot of rowing. Rowing isn’t the easiest thing for me when I am nauseous, but getting to work on it this past week has made it so hopefully in the future it will be a bit better.

Monday’s class was a mix of strength and endurance and unfortunately I was having a pretty bad nausea day. I think this nausea was a mix of the usual hormonal factors but also stress and other emotional things happening in my life. I hated that I felt so gross that morning, but as always when I’m nauseous I was just ready to do what I could do and be happy with that.

The cardio portion of the workout was a run/row format (so bike/row for me). Every round we did more on the bike and rower starting with a .4 trip on the bike and a 100 meter row (for people on the treadmill, it was a .1 mile run). Then each round I added .4 on the bike but every .4 I added resistance. And every time on the rower I added 100 meters. Considering how I was feeling, I was actually impressed with what I did. I only had to take a break once during a bike ride, the rest of my breaks were as I was switching from the bike to the rower. And I was able to increase the resistance every time I was supposed to. Both my pedaling and rowing were slower than normal, but I still got it done.

On the floor, we had 3 blocks. The first block had single arm low rows, squats to single arm high rows, and leg lifts to crunches. For the single arm low rows and single arm high rows, I was able to use my heavier weights. I seem to use heavier weights on my nausea days to make up for any issues I had with cardio. I tried to do the leg lifts to crunches but after halfway through the reps I had to split the moves into 2 parts instead of doing them together. But I did them. The second block was goblet lunges, lunges using the bench for one leg, and side plank pendulum. And while I normally can’t do the lunges using the bench for one leg, since I was going extra slow I was able to get my balance and do them. And the last block was a core blast with alternating toe reaches, crunches, sit-ups, and leg lifts.

Wednesday’s workout was a strength based day with a benchmark row. But unfortunately, my nausea got much worse and I was feeling pretty miserable. Because I’m so competitive with myself, I hate when a benchmark event happens when I know I can’t do my best. But I figured I would do what I could and see what happens.

For cardio, I was on the bike. Fortunately even though I was feeling awful I was able to do some decent work using the resistance on the bike. We had a couple of different 30 second hills (or high resistance for the bike) and I was able to go higher than my normal push or all out resistance on the bike. I rarely go higher than level 10, but this time I was doing a lot of those 30 second hills at level 12. So at least I got to feel a bit accomplished.

The benchmark row was a 500 meter row. I know that my record for it is very fast and I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to get close to it. I really wanted to be able to do my row in under 2 minutes, but I also knew that was going to be pushing it. I tried to ignore the 500 meter split time on the monitor because it was driving me crazy. Instead I focused on trying to keep my speed steady. I have the Dri-Tri coming up soon and I know working on being at a consistent pace is something that will help me. My rowing was pretty steady for the first 400 meters and then I went crazy for the last 100 meters. I know I overdid it at the end, but I really just wanted to feel like I tried my hardest. I did the row in 2:07 which isn’t my worst and close to my goal for the day. But I really would have loved to have been under 2 minutes.

For the rest of the floor work, we had a lot of work with weights. We had deadlifts, front raises, lunges with weights, and pull overs. I was able to use my heavier weights for all of those. We also had sit-ups and half get ups for ab work. For the half get ups I did one round with my normal weights but at the end I had to go with a set lighter for the second round. But considering ab work is tough on bad nausea days, I was happy I could use any weights for those.

Friday was a 3 group workout so I knew it would be another class with a lot of rowing. But I was hoping it would be all short rows. But that wasn’t what the class had.

For the cardio, I was on the bike and I did manage to use my resistance levels like I normally would. It was a strength based workout so the treadmills had inclines and I had extra resistance to work with. I did have to take some breaks on the bike to let the nausea pass, but it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting it to be considering how I felt that morning when I woke up.

On the rower, we had all long rows. The first row was 1,000 meters. Since the Dri-Tri is only a week away I should have been excited for a good practice row. But it was just tough to try to keep going the entire time. Somehow I managed to not need to take any breaks during the row, but it was a pretty slow row too. After the row, we were supposed to have jumping jacks but I knew I couldn’t do those with my nausea so I did side lunges and some squats instead. Then it was a 500 meter row, more jumping jacks (or lunges and squats for me), and pulsing squats. I didn’t make it further down the row block because my rowing was slow.

On the floor, we had one long block. We had Y raises on the straps, lunges with weights, ab work, reverse flys, single arm snatches, and skaters. Fortunately, all the floor work was stuff that was ok for me to do with how I felt. The skaters were a bit tough because they can be a lot of up and down movement, but I modified them to be much smoother. I know I didn’t work as hard as I could have when I feel fine, but I was proud of myself for figuring out how to do things as work arounds.

Saturday’s workout was an interesting one, but it ended up being a pretty great class. I was still nauseous so I was still on the bike, but that actually worked to my benefit. It was a partner workout that had 2 blocks of partner work and 1 regular block in the middle.

For the partner work, I was partnered with a girl who was also using a bike for cardio but it turned out that it wouldn’t have mattered. I did feel a bit bad for having a partner who was going to be depending on me to make sure we switch quickly enough, but I found out that this was her first class back from a surgery so it worked out well that we were both not at our best.

The 2 partner blocks were the same, but for the first block I did bike and floor work (my partner did floor and rower) and for the second I did floor and rower (and my partner did bike and floor). The person using the cardio was the pacer and they were all pretty quick. I don’t think either of us was on the cardio for more than 2 1/2 minutes. For both the bike and the rower each time we were back the distance we had to go went down a bit. The rower started at 500 meters and went down 100 meters every time. And the bike started with 1.2 trips and went down .2 each time. I surprised myself with how well I did on both the bike and rower and I think my partner and I were very equally matched.

For the partner blocks the floor work was the same both times. We had burpees, half squat swings, overhead tricep extensions, sit-ups, and neutral full thrusters with weights. I tried using my normal weights for these and it was a bit of a struggle for the swings and triceps so I went down on the weight for those. And for the burpees I didn’t have the bench down so I couldn’t jump back and forth. The burpees were hard because they were making me feel more nauseous, but I was glad that the floor work wasn’t the pacer so I could take my time.

In the middle of the 2 partner blocks, we had a regular cardio and a regular floor block. For the cardio it was 3 rounds of push to all out paces with the push pace getting shorter each time. And on the floor we had squats, reverse mountain climbers, and plank arm reaches. It was a pretty short block for both that cardio and floor block so I didn’t feel too bad on them. I was glad to have them in the middle of the partner work to break things up, but it was better to be able to end the workout with the partner work because that seemed to end things on a higher note.

Hopefully my nausea will only affect the beginning of this workout week. Not only do I want it to end because I hate feeling nauseous, but I have the Dri-Tri on Saturday! I really want to do well on it and hopefully PR in at least one section of the challenge. But I also know that my endurance and strength isn’t quite what it was before so I have to work extra hard this week to get ready for it!

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