Monthly Archives: August 2018

Another Medical Afternoon (or At Least This Was Easy)

Posted on August 3, 2018 | Comments Off on Another Medical Afternoon (or At Least This Was Easy)

It was just about a month ago that I went to the doctor for some recurring medical issues I had been dealing with. When I went to the appointment originally, I thought I’d still have to go back for another appointment for all my annual things. But my doctor was able to fit everything into that one appointment. I still don’t have an answer for the recurring issue, but it didn’t happen this past month when I expected it to so I’m hoping whatever it was resolved itself.

I got all my medical tests back quickly and they were all normal. But then my doctor realized that one of the tests I had to do was either lost or they forgot to test it. So I had to go back for that test this week (just like I thought I would when I didn’t think the last appointment would count as my annual one). Fortunately since this was a lab screwup I didn’t have to pay a co-pay. And I’ve had the same insurance since I was born and this was the first time any of my tests were lost. So while it was a minor inconvenience I wasn’t mad or upset. I also realized after my last appointment I forgot to ask for a prescription refill on a painkiller so this worked out for me just fine.

Because my doctor is a family friend, it was easy to get the appointment scheduled. She booked me to be the last appointment of the day so she wouldn’t have to feel rushed with me. We also spend part of my appointment time catching up or talking about random stuff so the extra time was appreciated. But because I was the last appointment of the day, I also knew that the appointment would probably not be on time. I’m fine with that and it was only a few minutes behind. But when I was waiting in the exam room I just kept staring at this chart.

This chart is usually used for other things like cervical dilation, but to me I always look at it and am in shock over how big 10cm (the largest circle) is. That’s how big my biggest liver tumor was when it was discovered. I still can’t believe that I had a tumor that large and had no idea it was in my body! Every time I see that chart I can’t stop looking at it and just be in disbelief over the tumor situation. But it’s also a good way to kill a few minutes while waiting for my doctor.

When she came into the exam room, we went over some of the previous tests I had done and the recurring issue I had. I am a bit paranoid that the issue will come back again this month and last month was just a fluke, but if that’s the case I’ll just come back and we will keep working on finding out what’s wrong with me. We also discussed my tumor a bit because I was telling her how the chart is so shocking to me. She confirmed that my next MRI order is set to happen in October (I can schedule it when it’s ordered so it will probably be the end of October or beginning of November) so I’ll have an update on my tumors then.

When we were talking about my tumors, I did have a funny story to share with her. I recently had a first date with a guy who works in medicine. We ended up talking about weird medical conditions we both have (it’s a strange first date conversation but it came up naturally) and I told my doctor how this guy was so fascinated by my tumors. He even asked if I had any photos of it because he wanted to see it and I showed him my MRI. My doctor and I joked that only I could find a guy to go on a date with that would be interested in learning about my medical weirdness.

The test that had to be redone only took a minute and I should have the results in a week or so. I’m not too stressed about it. The worst case scenario is that I’ll have to go back another time for an additional test, but it would only be a test to confirm I don’t have any pre-cancerous cells (which was already proven to be fine by another test). I know I need to get that additional test if it’s ordered, but it’s really more of a precaution and not to really test to see if there is anything wrong with me. But I do like to be on top of all my health issues so I’m glad I understand what’s going on and what steps are possibly coming up.

I’m sure I’m more aware of health issues or possible complications than a lot of people are aware of. Part of it is my upbringing with being raised in a medical family and part of it is that I always seem to have weird things and I like to be educated as it removes a lot of the fear that can happen when you are told that not everything is perfect. And I’ve said it before, but I am so lucky to have such amazing doctors as a part of my medical team. They really do care about me and understand why I want to know the answers to so many things.

Hopefully I don’t have to go back again for another test, but if I do then I guess it will be an interesting blog post when it happens.

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Default ThumbnailHoping For Some Normal (or Fingers Crossed That This Was This Easy) Default ThumbnailA Medical Afternoon (or Getting In All My Regular Checkups) Default ThumbnailMore Medical Stuff (or My First Biopsy) Default ThumbnailSome Random Medical Tests (or At Least Getting Blood Work Was Entertaining) Default ThumbnailA Non-Surgery Anniversary (or Another Year Of Being A Medical Miracle) Default ThumbnailTaking Back A Medical Miracle (or Getting My Eyes Checked Again)

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So Much Reading (or Really Taking Advantage Of The Library)

Posted on August 2, 2018 | Comments Off on So Much Reading (or Really Taking Advantage Of The Library)

As you may have seen from recent posts of mine, things have been a bit weird for me. I’ve been going through some things and I know I’ll be through them soon enough. And fortunately, some of these issues have already started to resolve themselves and things are feeling a bit more normal again. It’s still not totally normal, but it’s so much better than it was just a week ago.

Whenever things are weird for me, I do try to find the moments of normal where I can. I’ve learned in therapy regarding my panic attacks that you focus on what is in front of you and real and hold on to that to get over the panic. And when things are weird, I find the normal things and hold on to those. This time of weirdness seemed like it was endless and I couldn’t find much to hold on to, but I was able to connect more than ever with reading and used that to work through things.

I’ve always been a big reader and I am always reading something. For longer than I would like to admit, I bought a ton of books. Even when I got my first e-reader I bought a lot of e-books since they were pretty inexpensive and way too easy to purchase. When I got my Kindle, I was in the same bad habit with buying books since it’s so simple. But when I got more serious about my financial situation, I realized book spending was the one I needed to cut back on and that’s when I got a new library card so I could take advantage of the library again.

I rarely go to the library near me to get physical books because I do love to read on my Kindle. I still love reading physical books, but my Kindle is really convenient and easy. And I don’t feel like it’s looking at a computer screen since it is a reading only Kindle and not the tablet type (like my iPad is). And the library e-book selection really is great and they have been good at getting the books I recommend. So even if the books I’m looking for are a part of their collection when I’m looking for it that moment, more often than not they will purchase it and then I can get the e-book.

I also love how it’s so easy to get a Kindle book from the library. If I’m in bed and finish a book I can just go to the library website to find a new book and have it sent to my Kindle instantaneously. We live in a world of instant gratification and this is one of the best examples of it. I have gotten close to the borrowing limits from the library, but I haven’t gone over just yet. I have a feeling it’s only a matter of time before that happens though.

It’s not always easy for me to find new books to read, but I do look at Kindle recommendations (I just don’t purchase the books) and there are a few different websites that share when new books are released or can recommend books based on other books you’ve liked. Lately I’ve discovered a few new book series that have been fun to read and I’ve been flying through them.

While things have been weird, I have done a ton of reading. It wasn’t just that I was loving what I was reading (although that is a part of it) but it really was just helping me feel centered and away from any issues I had been dealing with. It was my life-preserver for that moment and I think that reading is a pretty healthy one to have compared to what other people might turn to in moments of weirdness. It also helps that right now is the slow time at my work so I have been able to spend a lot of time during my work hours reading as well.

There have only been a few brief times where I wasn’t as big of a reader as I am now. My entire childhood was surrounded by books. So many life moments are remembered by what books I was reading at that time. In college I still read, but it wasn’t something I did every day and I think that had to do with how much reading I had to do in college. But in my last semester of college my class load was pretty much only 1 day a week so I had lots of free time and got back into reading. And since then my love of reading has only gotten stronger and stronger.

But now, I feel like my reading obsession is the strongest it’s ever been. I’ve found a new love for reading beyond just the act of reading. It helped me feel sane when I know that things could have been worse for me. It is my greatest act of self-care and I don’t know if I really considered reading self-care the way I do now. I’ve always considered it a habit that makes me happy and have it on my happiness checklist, but that feels like something different to me. I’ve never considered how good for my mental health reading could be and I’m so glad that I had it to turn to when I was struggling recently.

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Default ThumbnailHaving A Book Nerd Moment (or The Little Things That Make Me Smile) Default ThumbnailSo Much Entertainment So Little Time (or Scheduling Leisure Time) Default ThumbnailFirst Monthly Challenge Of The Year (or Setting Up For The Year And Self-Improvement) Default ThumbnailWorking On My Reading List (or Thankful Again For The Library) Default ThumbnailHiking And Off-Roading (or Taking Advantage Of Every Moment Of My Vacation) Default ThumbnailNot My Typically 4th Of July (or Taking Advantage Of A Day Off)

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Is This A Year Of Being Selfish? (or A Month Of Saying No)

Posted on August 1, 2018 | 1 comment

It’s so weird when I look back at my monthly challenges as they rack up throughout the year. This year and last year I didn’t really have challenges planned out the way I did the first time and many times I’m picking a challenge out at the last minute. And as I’ve been looking back at some of the challenges I’ve been doing this year, it seems like the common theme has been that I’ve been doing more selfish challenges. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing as I’ve been realizing that I’ve been putting myself last quite a bit, but I do think I want to work on other types of challenges in the future. But this month won’t be the month to change.

First, a quick recap on last month’s challenge. I did not use my pressure mat every single day, but I did use it more often than not last month. I do want to get into a better habit of using it because I do feel the difference when I take the time to use it. I’m still looking at guides online for ideas of ways to use it and lay on it, but most of the time I just like laying on my back letting it work on my neck, shoulders, and back. It feels really good and I have enjoyed not having some of the back and neck pain I’ve been dealing with for a little while. I’m working on a system of when would be a good time each day to use it or maybe a plan for what days I will use it in different ways, but it’s a work in progress.

Last month’s challenge wasn’t my most successful one as far as consistency goes, but that’s what inspired this month’s challenge. About 2 1/2 years ago I read the book “Year Of Yes” by Shonda Rhimes and it was so inspiring! It made me realize how often I was saying no to opportunities that I really should have taken advantage of. I was scared for a variety of reasons to say yes to things and I knew that I needed to stop letting that hold me back. While I didn’t say yes to everything that came my way, I was saying yes much more often.

I’ve tried to keep doing that whenever possible and when I had to turn down an invitation or couldn’t do something I wanted to I felt so guilty about it. I hated to let someone down and even though I know that I wasn’t letting people down if I couldn’t attend something, it still was in my head that I was. It’s a tough habit to break but I’ve been working on this feeling for a while.

But then this year I’ve been doing some more things to put myself first and not feel like I have to say yes to everything. My first challenge this year was related to that with allowing myself to be selfish. But that didn’t connect with me as much as it should have and I have been back in the habit of saying yes more often that I probably would like to and feeling guilty when I say no. I am not trying to be totally selfish and that is something that I don’t think I could ever do, but I do want to feel ok saying no when I want to and not have the feelings of guilt.

The one aspect of my life where I have been more successful with this has been with dating. And I’m not taking about saying no if a guy is pressuring me to do something (if they try that they will regret it). I mean not going out with a guy just because they asked me out. I’ve realized that I have been having dates with more quality guys lately. There still have been some duds, but they are not as often as they were when I started back on the various apps. As someone else pointed out to me, I’ve been getting more selective and willing to block or unmatch with someone who I don’t want to talk to anymore. I don’t have any guilt over doing that and I’m more than happy to stop wasting my time with someone who I don’t want to meet.

Obviously it’s different to say no to something a friend is inviting you out to compared to blocking a guy online that you’ve never met and is starting to bother you. But it’s still the same idea and I need to take some of the lack of guilt and fear I have with guys and apply it to other parts of my life. I need to find the balance with putting myself first and still being a good friend to others and taking chances on things that I might not automatically think I should do or attend.

I think that the reason this has been so tough for me to do has been that I’ve worked hard on saying yes more often and now I’m out of the habit of saying no. And I’ve had a lot of fun saying yes to things when I originally felt like I should turn down. I also like having fun and random things to do because it gives me things to write about.

I’ve realize in the past month or so that I do need to be more selfish. I don’t think saying yes got me sick, but I think stressing about doing things might have made my cold thing last longer. I also think that feeling down had a lot to do with trying to force myself to do things I wasn’t sure about and the guilt I felt if I didn’t go. I have spent so many times making my monthly challenges about being selfish and reconnecting to myself, but I haven’t really been able to accomplish it the way I needed to.

So this month, I’m working on saying no more often. There will be a lot of fun things to do this month (it’s my birthday month!) so I’ll have lots of things I want to say yes to. But I also know there should be plenty of time to work on saying no or at least allowing myself time to debate if I want to say yes or not. I’m not sure if I’ll be successful in this challenge or not, but I am giving myself a much more measurable challenge and something that has action steps to it.

I’m not exactly sure what I am hoping this month will result in for me, but I’m excited to see how it goes and what happens. If nothing else, it will give me some more self-reflection and permission to focus on doing what I want to instead of what is offered to me.

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Default ThumbnailRecapping A Few Challenges From Last Month (or Getting Ready Stop Going Easy On Myself) Default ThumbnailA Challenge For A Weird Month (or French And Deep Breaths) Default ThumbnailFirst Monthly Challenge Of The Year (or Setting Up For The Year And Self-Improvement) Default ThumbnailMy August Challenge (or Being Selfish To Be Happy) Default ThumbnailFirst Monthly Challenge Of 2018 (or Time To Be A Bit Selfish) Default ThumbnailHow Is This Month/Year/Decade Almost Over? (or I Think Everyone Is Shocked It’s Almost January)

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