Monthly Archives: August 2018

Learning From Listening (or Another Great Podcast)

Posted on August 31, 2018 | Comments Off on Learning From Listening (or Another Great Podcast)

I’ve shared on here before that I’m a big podcast person. I don’t listen to the radio or to music that often so podcasts are the main thing that I do listen to. While I’m working, I’m almost always listening to one because I have so much downtime between customers. A bunch of the podcasts I listen to are fun or silly, but there are some more serious ones that I listen to as well.

I’m in a Facebook group that is almost like a support group for women who are dating. We share stories, get advice, and just be there for each other online when we need it. Sometimes I will end up posting a rant on there because I need to get it out and I know that at least one person in the group can relate and understand. And I always get amazing advice when I need it from the others. Sometimes, women in that group will share articles they think we will like or have recommendations for books that have helped them. And this week, someone also recommended a podcast.

It’s called Where Should We Begin and it is an unscripted series about couples working through their relationship. The episodes are audio recordings of appointments with Esther Perel, who is a therapist. The podcast takes a 3 hour appointment and condenses it down to under an hour and each episode focuses on one couple so they are standalone episodes. And they are edited down to keep certain details anonymous, but that doesn’t make it feel censored. These episodes are honest and can be a bit brutal to hear sometimes. But when a couple is working through an issue, being that brutal can be necessary. Sometimes the issue really is the issue they need to work through and sometimes that issue is covering for something else deeper that is causing the issue between them.

At first, I was a bit hesitant to listen since I’m not in a couple and I wasn’t sure how I felt about listening to someone else’s therapist session (all of the people on the podcast have consented to this so it’s not like they don’t know that their story is going to be shared with the world). But the woman who recommended it as well as others who commented that they love the podcast shared how listening to it has helped them in many ways. Sometimes it helps them avoid issues that can come up in dating or to work through an issue with someone they are on a date with. And sometimes the lessons learned can be applied to their work life or to their friends.

So I downloaded all the episodes in the first 2 seasons (the third season will be coming out on Audible in October but I don’t know when it will be available for Apple Podcasts) and I quickly went through all the episodes in the first season this week while working. It really has been interesting to listen to these therapy sessions and hearing bits and pieces of their stories that are so similar to mine or things that I connect with. While some of the problems these couples are working through are ones that I’m not familiar with, I can still learn about how to work through issues that I have with some of the tools that Esther Perel has them use. And while I do still feel like a bit of a voyeur listening in to someone else’s therapy session, it’s not as weird as I thought it would be. I don’t think I would ever want my therapy sessions recorded and shared, but that’s just me. These couples are happy to share their stories and it’s wonderful that we can all learn from them.

It’s weird to say that I’ve enjoyed listening to the episodes since they aren’t necessarily happy to listen to. I do like hearing how they can work through their issues, but it is a serious podcast and the issues they have are serious ones. And it is good to have a more serious podcast in my regular listening since I do listen to a lot of more frivolous ones. It’s like with my reading, I like to mix serious books with my fluff. I’m the same way with my podcasts. And I did try to alternate one episode of Where Should We Begin with one of my sillier ones as I listened through the first season.

I’ll probably start working through the second season next week or the week after (I have so many podcasts I listen to so I try to stay on top of them as they come out) and hopefully the third season is released not too long after they start in October on Audible. I don’t know if listening to this will help me in my future relationships, but I know that it can’t hurt. A lot of the issues they are working through are things that I have had in the back of my mind from time to time (mainly about cheating or lack of communication about being unhappy). And hearing these couples work through those issues has helped me realize that if I do end up having to worry about it in the future, there is a way to work through it and not have it end things if that’s not what is wanted.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailLive Podcast Episode (or Another Way You Can Support Me) Default ThumbnailPodcast Nerd (or Celebrating At NPR) Default ThumbnailMore Podcast Time To Relive “Felicity” (or Great Minds Think Alike) Default ThumbnailGreat Days And Not-So-Great Days (or Overcoming Workout Struggles) Default ThumbnailUsing Podcasts To Better Myself (or Continuing To Be A Podcast Addict) Default ThumbnailWhat I’m Listening To (or I’m Not A Music Person)

Comments Off on Learning From Listening (or Another Great Podcast)

Posted in Dating, Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

Tagged ,

Working Through General Panic Issues (or Dealing With Lack Of Control)

Posted on August 30, 2018 | Comments Off on Working Through General Panic Issues (or Dealing With Lack Of Control)

It’s been a while since I’ve had a panic attack. I’ve had moments of panic and anxiety like when I go to the dentist, but those are different from panic attacks. Those seem to be a duller feeling and even though they last longer they aren’t as bad as an attack. And I still haven’t been having panic attacks, but I’ve been dealing with a lot more of the general and duller anxiety issues.

It’s not coming as a big surprise that I’m dealing with this now. I’ve got a few different things going on in my life that feel out of control and would probably cause someone with no anxiety issues have anxiety. I’ll get into some of these issues more next week, but having my dentist appointment this week as well as the news about my job are big causes of this.

I really hate feeling out of control. I don’t like not knowing what’s going to happen. This is a feeling I have even with fun things. When a new roller coaster opens up and I know I’ll be going on it, I like to watch an on-ride video so I can know what to expect. So being in a situation now where there are multiple things that I cannot control or know what will happen is just bringing me down.

I haven’t taken my panic medication in quite a while. I actually don’t know if I have any left because I don’t know where I stored the bottle. I rarely took them before (usually only before the dentist or flying), but once I started taking Vyvanse I’ve found that I don’t need them for those situations any more. And I’m glad to not need them anymore because I did use them as a crutch. I probably could have gotten through my panic attacks without them, but it was just easy to take them so I didn’t have to deal with it.

Since I don’t know if I have any more medication nor do I want to take them, I have been trying to work on finding ways to make myself feel better this week. When I feel out of control, I know that I need to find ways to be in control. I’ve heard that multiple times in therapy when I was getting help for my panic attacks. You reach for whatever you can to have control over and use that to calm down. Sometimes that has to do with what you choose to schedule in your day or how you spend your free time. Unfortunately for me, a lot of time this control came from controlling food.

I don’t want to use food as a way to control things again. I know I don’t do it in a healthy way and it will always backfire on me. If I use not eating as much as a form of control, that is bad because it can result in a binge episode. If I eat whatever I want as a form of control, then I feel sick and that makes me feel worse about myself. It’s my go-to when I look for control and I’ve been using this week as a way to try out other methods to see if I can find something that makes me feel the same peace and feel as relaxed as I have been when I use food that way.

I haven’t found anything that works as well as food does, but I have found things that do help. I’ve been doing a ton of cleaning in my house this week. I don’t know if I’ve ever cleaned this much, but it is helping me feel some control. I’m also cleaning out things in my house that have been piling up. I’m lucky that tomorrow will be trash day because I have been throwing out a lot of things. I probably have been needing to do this for a while and it does feel nice to have a very clean house. There are also some things that I’m debating about getting rid of so I am putting them in bags and storing them in my house until I know for sure that I don’t need them. The last thing I want to do is get rid of too much stuff and then need to spend money to buy things I really did need to keep.

I know that this uncertainty can come back any time, but I think next week will be better for me. There are a few things that will probably still be an issue next week, but a majority of the things that have been out of my control will be done after this weekend. And hopefully the more I work on good habits to find ways to feel in control, the easier it will be even if it does last through next week.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailAnatomy of a Panic Attack (or How I Spent My Friday Night) Default ThumbnailA Week Of Getting Back To Normal (or Still Dealing With The Same Old Issues) Default ThumbnailAn Interesting Plane Flight (or A Return Of My Panic Attacks) Default ThumbnailLess Panic At The Dentist (or Am I Finally Over This?) Default ThumbnailSurviving The Dentist (or Testing My Panic Meds) Default ThumbnailOne Bad Hour (or Hating Panic Attacks And My Gallbladder)

Comments Off on Working Through General Panic Issues (or Dealing With Lack Of Control)

Posted in Tough Stuff

Tagged , , ,

Time To Make A Game Plan (or Guess I’ll Be Doing Some Job Hunting)

Posted on August 29, 2018 | Comments Off on Time To Make A Game Plan (or Guess I’ll Be Doing Some Job Hunting)

Last week I wrote about how things were getting back to normal and how at one of my day jobs I was told the new contract would have more hours than what I’m currently working. I was so relieved because I knew there was a chance I wasn’t going to get another contract or that the hours would be the same or even reduced more. But when I found out that the new contract should be better, I relaxed and started thinking about how I could get back on track with budgeting and paying down my debt.

This day job is technically under a government contract that is based on specific grants and funding sources. My boss isn’t responsible for how many hours I get to work as it is based on my pay rate and the total amount the contract would be for. We base the hours on dividing the amount for the contract by my rate and then we figure out how many hours a week I get for that year. It’s not easy when I know my boss has no control over how much I can work because I know she would love to have me work as much as I was before. But at the same time, it’s nice when things are set for the year so I can plan.

And of course, like everything else in my life, things changed since last week. Unfortunately, the grants and funding that they were planning on using for my new contract (which should be starting next week) didn’t fall into place. So I don’t have a new contract for that job now. This doesn’t mean I’m totally let go from that job. My boss is hoping to get the funding in place soon so many I will only miss a few weeks of work. But since it’s not in her control she honestly has no idea when I will be able to start working again. There is also another project that she was going to have me help with but the timeline for that project is still up in the air. But as soon as it’s starting she plans on bringing me on for it.

While this job didn’t make me a ton of money, it was still money that I needed. I am trying to be optimistic that I will be working for that job again soon, but I’m also realistic. If the contract doesn’t happen for more than a month, I don’t know how long I can pay for everything I need to with just the money I make at my box office job. I need more than that and I don’t really have any savings since any extra money I have goes toward my credit card. So I need to really get serious about figuring out money things.

I have no plans on leaving my box office job since it really is a good gig for what it is. I am probably going to be getting a raise in the next few months there which will help and I can do almost any other remote type position along with the job. So I’m planning on sticking with it. But I need to find something to help bring in more money since it’s not enough right now. And I’ve talked about looking for more jobs since extra money is always a good thing so I guess this is the kick in my butt that I needed.

Remote or work from home jobs aren’t the easiest to find. There are a bunch of jobs posted online that are just scams (like they say you have to pay for a class in order to work and then there is no job after you pay them) but there are some out there. I haven’t really looked for a job seriously in a while so I need to get back to where I was looking before and reach out to my network of people to see if anyone knows of any jobs. All of my recent jobs have come from friends or old bosses of mine. And those seem to be the best job matches for me because they know my skill set and my current job situation.

I’m hoping that this delay in the new contract is super temporary and in a few days I’ll be writing on here that things are back to normal and everything is good again. It would be awesome if that happens because job hunting is stressful and I’m already worried I won’t be able to find something. But I also know that if the delay takes longer and I really do need another job, something is going to come my way. I’ve been very lucky that things do seem to happen that way for me and even when I feel like things aren’t in my favor they do end up working out.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailGearing Up For Another Temp Job (or At Least It’s More Work) Default ThumbnailDay Job News (or Things Are Getting Better) Default ThumbnailJob vs. Career (or Being Undercover At My Day Job) Default ThumbnailA Little Job Update (or It Was Silly To Be Scared) Default ThumbnailJob Hunting (or You Never Know Unless You Ask) Default ThumbnailA Job Hunting Update (or Making Sure I Don’t Repeat My Financial Year Again)

Comments Off on Time To Make A Game Plan (or Guess I’ll Be Doing Some Job Hunting)

Posted in Work

Tagged ,

Being More Stressed Than Necessary (or Not The Best Dentist Visit)

Posted on August 28, 2018 | Comments Off on Being More Stressed Than Necessary (or Not The Best Dentist Visit)

Even though I really hate going to the dentist and it has caused me lots of panic attacks over the years, I never skip going to an appointment. And lately things have been much better for me and the panic and stress I feel before an appointment have gone down. I don’t think I’ll ever say I enjoy going to the dentist, but it’s not as bad as it has been in the past. But this month, I was supposed to go to the dentist a few weeks ago and I had to change my appointment the morning of.

Unfortunately, my dentist appointment happened to land on a day that was an exceptionally bad nausea day. I was hoping that morning that things would get better, but about 2 hours before my appointment I realized that I couldn’t go. I didn’t want to risk throwing up at the appointment, especially since my head is the lowest part of my body when I’m in the dentist chair. Usually there is a fee for rescheduling the day off, but since I never do this the office was able to waive it for me. And they also were able to reschedule the appointment for this week when I knew it was very unlikely to have a bad nausea day.

While I was grateful for getting the appointment moved, it actually ended up causing me so much anxiety. I always am worried I will get horrible news about my teeth at the appointment and in my head I was thinking that waiting the extra 2 weeks for my appointment would make things so much worse. In reality, I know this really couldn’t be true. If there was something wrong with my teeth, 2 weeks wouldn’t make a huge difference. And if it would make a huge difference, it probably would have been something that was seen when I was there a few months ago. But still, knowing that my anxiety was a bit crazy wasn’t helping me and making it go away. So the past 2 weeks I was on edge about it all.

When I went in for my appointment yesterday, I was a huge bundle of nerves when I arrived. I was shaking and couldn’t get all the anxious thoughts out of my head. I am so lucky that the hygienist I work with understands my anxiety so she does things to help make them better. She checked my teeth first to see if there was anything that concerned her and she was able to tell me that there was nothing there that seemed like something to monitor. That helps the anxiety go away a bit. It’s still not fun while my teeth get cleaned and I’m always pinching myself or doing something else to distract me from what’s happening. It doesn’t necessarily hurt, but I still have the feeling that something is going to go wrong.

One of the reasons I was feeling that way is because I’ve been dealing with some odd things with my teeth and gums. Usually during the time that I have PMS symptoms, my gums bleed when I brush my teeth and occasionally there is a tooth that feels not right. Sometimes it feels like I have a tooth that is loose, but when I feel it the tooth feels normal. I brought this up during my dentist appointment and it turns out these things are not uncommon. Hormonal changes can do weird things and having bleeding gums or teeth that might feel loose are a symptom of some inflammation that can happen due to hormones. I was relieved to know that it was not a sign of something wrong, but I know that each time it happens I will be a bit paranoid that it’s the sign of something else besides hormonal inflammation.

Once my appointment was done, I finally felt normal again. I was not shaking and I could get the panicky thoughts out of my head. It was weird to have such a panicky dentist appointment since they have been much better lately. I’m glad that my panic was all in my head and nothing was wrong, but I also know that delaying my appointment might have contributed to this as well. So I’m going to try not to have to change my appointment that close to the date again. I am hoping that the timing of when I scheduled my next appointment will work, but I also know now to take a look at things a month ahead to make sure it should be fine with when I feel nauseous.

I hate feeling anxious, panicky, and stressed going to the dentist; but it’s also not the worst thing either. As my hygienist mentioned at my appointment, this also means I’m very aware of what is happening with my teeth. I know that genetically I don’t have great teeth and that I have to be on top of taking care of them. I have a good electric toothbrush, floss pretty much every day, and use the toothpaste and mouthwash that my dentist recommends. And I go every 4 months to make sure everything is fine. This is a much better situation to be in than if I was ignoring problems or not paying attention to what’s happening until it’s too late.

I’m just glad I made it through this appointment and I’m hoping that maybe my anxiety level will go back down to where it was last time before my next appointment.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailA Boring Visit At The Dentist (or Getting Ready For A Future Bad Appointment) Default ThumbnailAnother Dentist Visit (or Panicking About Panicking) Default ThumbnailMore Prepared Than Necessary (or Splitting Up Dentist Appointments) Default ThumbnailSurviving At The Dentist (or When Will I Grow Out Of My Fear) Default ThumbnailLess Panic At The Dentist (or Am I Finally Over This?) Default ThumbnailSurprises At The Dentist (or Guess I Have A Few More Appointments)

Comments Off on Being More Stressed Than Necessary (or Not The Best Dentist Visit)

Posted in Health, Tough Stuff

Tagged , ,

Another Normal Workout Week (or Getting Back To Everything Feeling Routine)

Posted on August 27, 2018 | Comments Off on Another Normal Workout Week (or Getting Back To Everything Feeling Routine)

This past week of workouts wasn’t really too exciting. There were some exciting moments, but in general the entire workout week felt really normal. I even remember during a few of the workouts thinking that I had no idea what I was going to blog about because there weren’t a ton of crazy moments. But like I’ve said before, it’s nice to have things feel routine and normal. It makes it feel like a normal habit in life and not something extreme.

Monday’s workout was a partner workout and I was equally excited and nervous about that. I like partner workouts because it motivates me to keep going so my partner isn’t waiting on me. But I was nervous because I was partnered with someone I don’t know and I didn’t want to let him down. But he seemed to be very understanding and not too worried about things so that helped me feel better.

The partner workout had 3 blocks. The first block had the first partner (me in this case) walking on the treadmill at 15% incline. Everyone was a power walker for this part. While I was on the treadmill my partner was doing pulsing half squats. After I was done, we switched and I did the squats and my partner ran to get the distance on the treadmill to .2. We didn’t reset the treadmill every time we switch so every time my partner was on the treadmill he was getting to the next round even distance (.2, .4. .6, and .8). For this block, we were pretty equal time wise so I felt good about it.

The next block was rowing and floor work. One partner rowed for time until they were tagged (my partner did the bike but I did the rower). The other partner had lateral raises with weights, seated bicep curls to stand, lunges, and crunches with over under legs. This block was another good one for me since it still felt equal with the time we were taking.

The last block was the one that worried me. It was the same as the first block but the partners switched. So my partner was the power walker and I ran to get to the next distance marker. I knew that I could run because it was about 90 seconds each time for me to complete it, but that was longer than my partner was on the treadmill. And doing those pulsing half squats weren’t easy after all the work we had already done! I did apologize at the end of the workout to my partner for making him do the squats longer than I had to do, but he really didn’t care. And he said we both got an amazing workout in so that was all that matters. And I have to agree with him.

Wednesday’s workout was a run/row day, but it was also an endurance day so I decided to not try any running. And that really did end up being the best thing for me because the floor work was all mini-band work which isn’t the easiest thing on my hips.

The run/row had an easy format to follow. The run portion was always .5 miles (I did power walking so it was always .25 miles at 6% incline) and the row started at 800 meters and went down 200 meters each time. I was back to my normal power walking speed and it went well for the first few rounds. I did have some hip issues (I think I was tossing and turning in my sleep the night before) but nothing that bad. The rowing was tough because they were longer distances and I did end up needing to take some breaks during the row. That was a bit frustrating because I know I could have done those rows without breaks, but I was also probably mentally preparing myself for the floor work.

The floor was all mini-band work and it was all timed work. I’m trying to love the mini-bands, but they don’t seem to love me back. They like to roll up a bit on my legs and when that happens they hurt, so I have to take time to unroll them. The first block on the floor was front walks, squats with weights, and alternating plank leg lifts. The second block was lateral walks, half squat flys, and toe reaches. And the last block was doing everything we had done in the previous 2 blocks. After we were done with the floor work, I was so happy to get the mini-band off my legs. I tried to love it more during this workout, but I guess it will take other workouts to love it enough to not worry about when it rolls up my legs.

Friday’s workout was a 3 group power workout. Normally I would be running during those, but it was just a morning that I wasn’t feeling like running was the right choice. There were 3 blocks at each section and the treadmill blocks kind of built upon each other. The first block was a 2 minute push to a 1 minute base. The next block had a 30 second all out at the end. And the last block had a 1 minute all out at the end. But it was good that the first block didn’t have an all out because on the rower we had a benchmark challenge.

The first block on the rower had a 200 meter benchmark row. I know my 200 meter row PR is pretty quick already but I wanted to get as close to it as I could. Obviously the best thing would have been to beat it, but I just wanted to be not that much worse. I ended up being about 2 seconds slower which isn’t a lot. I would have liked to have been a bit closer but I also know that the fast I get the harder it is to beat my PR. The last 2 blocks on the rower were similar with 200 meter rows and then lunges with tricep presses using the medicine ball in between each row.

The floor was the same exercises each block. We had ultimate burpees, lunges, single leg squats using the TRX straps, and sit-ups. Each block was pretty short so it was nice being able to focus on the same exercises each block and it didn’t feel like I was repeating things too much.

But the big thing that happened in Friday’s workout was it was my last workout with my coach Sam. She is going to be moving to San Diego and Friday was her last day. She’s been my Friday coach since I started going to the Culver City location and it sucks to have to say goodbye to a coach I really connect with. And I haven’t been to San Diego since my grandma moved away, but I do have other friends down there and I really should go down for a visit. And now I have another reason to get back to San Diego!

Saturday’s workout was a mix of endurance, strength, and power and it ended up being a really great running day for me! The treadmill blocks had a similar pattern but they were a bit different.

The first block had 3 rounds of 1 minute pushes and 90 second bases with a 30 second all out at the end. The second block was 3 rounds of 45 second pushes and 75 second bases with a 30 second all out at the end. And the last block had 3 rounds of 30 second pushes with 1 minute bases with a 30 second all out at the end. I ran all the push and all outs and walked the bases and it was the perfect pattern for me to work on running with intervals. I was getting a bit tired at the end because it was a lot of running, but I also knew I needed to do that to keep working on my running endurance.

The floor also had 3 blocks. The first block was 3 rounds of 100 meter rows with recovery in between and then we had clean to presses with weights and speed skater lunges. The second block was 2 rounds of 150 meter rows with recovery in between and then deadlifts and frogger squats. And the last block was a 300 meter row and then half thrusters using weights and mountain climbers. The only downside to the floor work was that my left shoulder was bugging me (I think I slept funny on it) and it was a lot of shoulder work! But beyond that it went pretty well!

Even though there wasn’t anything spectacular about this past week of workouts, it did feel amazing to feel normal again. I wasn’t thinking about pushing myself like crazy to prove that I could do something. I still have a ways to go before I’m back to where I was, but the process of getting back there is feeling good.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailJust A Normal Workout Week (or Being Ok With Being Ok) Default ThumbnailA Powerful Workout Week (or Feeling Amazing Again) Default ThumbnailRowing And Partners (or Enjoying A 4 Workout Week) Default ThumbnailThis Does Feel Like A Normal Routine (or Another Full Workout Week) Default ThumbnailFeeling More Back To Normal (or A Good Week Of Hell Week Prep) Default ThumbnailBack To Balancing (or A Pretty Routine Workout Week)

Comments Off on Another Normal Workout Week (or Getting Back To Everything Feeling Routine)

Posted in Fitness, Fun Stuff

Tagged , , ,

Just Trucking Along (or Enjoying Like Being Normal And Boring)

Posted on August 24, 2018 | 1 comment

In the past, when my life has gotten boring I have written about how I need things to make like interesting again. I feel like I need to schedule more fun in my life and then after I do that I end up feeling overwhelmed and over-scheduled. Then I need to focus back on myself and get things to calm down and the cycle between being bored and being overwhelmed continues. This keeps going and every time it happens I write about how I need to find a happy medium.

I don’t know if I have found the happy medium in my life, but lately things have been a bit boring and I’m so happy with that. I have been doing lots of fun things when I can, but then I have a lot of time where I don’t have anything planned. For example, this week after work I haven’t made plans for anything. All I’ve been doing is laying low at home and relaxing. I’ve read a lot and caught up a bit on Netflix and it’s been making me really happy. It’s not that I have been avoiding plans, but I haven’t been that active in making plans either. If someone invites me to something I would go, but I’m not going out of my way to try to make more plans in my life.

It’s also the tail end of the slow season for one of my day jobs. The slow season can make time drag on a bit during a shift because sometimes I only help 1 customer in 7 hours and I just stare at my computer to see if there will be another computer. But I’ve been enjoying the lack of work with that job. I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts during work and when I’m caught up on those I’ve been going down random YouTube rabbit holes. I’ve watched some very odd things online lately, but I’ve been entertained by them and it helps the work day go by faster.

When the busy season starts again I won’t have as much time to goof off between customers, but that’s fine since I was hired to do a job and not to just sit at my computer and stare at it. But I also may be getting more hours at my other day job when I sign my new contract soon which will also help to keep me busy between customers. And having more hours at that job will be amazing because that also means I will have more money coming in. I would love to spend that money on fun things, but I have gotten behind in paying off my credit card and really want to get that back on track. So the extra money will go toward that so hopefully I can reach my debt goal I had set for this year. It’s going to be tough to do that, but if I get the hours my boss is hoping they will be able to offer me, it may be possible.

Even with things being a bit boring right now, I’m really appreciating that time. I think I needed the lack of plans in my life to just get back to me and I am grateful that I had that opportunity. I have written about how I was feeling a bit off and low lately and I’m finally starting to feel much more like myself and ready to handle whatever comes up for me next. I want to feel reinvigorated and while I’m not quite there I know I’m getting close. And I think feeling that way will help me when I’m feeling very overwhelmed when it’s the busy season for work, I have more hours at my other job, and my free time is over-scheduled.

I was telling a friend of mine about this the other day and she said that being happy when things are boring is something that comes with age. And I do agree that it’s possible that I’ve grown into feeling ok with this. But I also think in a way it was like exposure therapy because I have had to deal with this so many times over and over. And I finally have learned from it and can take those lessons and apply it to when it’s happening instead of wishing for it after the fact.

Of course knowing my life, I’m writing this now and in a week or two I will either be upset by the lack of fun in my life or I will be so overwhelmed and missing this time and trying to figure out how I can get back to it.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailWorking On Productivity (or Taking Advantage Of The Slow Season) Default ThumbnailJust A Normal Weekend For Me (or Lazy Days Are Surprisingly Busy) Default ThumbnailStaying Super Busy (or Another Job) Default ThumbnailEnjoying A Mini-Splurge (or Sometimes The Best Plans Are The Simplest Plans) Default ThumbnailBusy Busy Busy (or Triple Job Day) Default ThumbnailEnjoying More Food and Wine Festival (or Enjoying A Hot Day At Disneyland)

1 Comment

Posted in Fun Stuff

Tagged , , , ,

Continuing To Work On My Book (or I Wonder How Many Versions I’ll Have Before I Finish It)

Posted on August 23, 2018 | 2 comments

I’ve shared on here before about how I am going to write a book about online dating. My stories have been so ridiculous and my friends have loved hearing about them. After posting so many of them online, people were encouraging me to put them in a book and I started to think about that idea. And I decided to go for it last year.

Since I had that idea, I’ve worked on it on and off for a while. The original idea of the book would be that it would be a collection of stories. Each guy would have their own standalone chapter or story and it would just be all the stories in one place. I was going to split it up by the guys that I met, the guys I matched with and unmatched with them for various reasons, and the cheaters that I caught online. Having them as standalone stories made them pretty easy to write and I got most of the stories done when I was working on it last November.

But when I finished that, I realized how short the book was. I knew it could get longer because I was still doing online dating and having stories to share, but it still concerned me if I wanted to do anything with the book. But I didn’t focus too much on it at the time. Then after I went through an upsetting situation with a guy, I reconnected with a few guys who I had met in the past. After that situation, I realized that having each guy as their own story didn’t make as much sense because reconnecting with the guys that I had met previously was very connected to the situation that happened to me.

So then I started working on a version of the story that was more of a chronological story of dating. I had the idea to break my story in the seasons of the year because that seemed to be some nice and natural break points in the story. I didn’t get that far into writing that version when I realized that this idea wasn’t making as much sense to me as it did before. So many of the crazy stories that I had weren’t necessary in telling the story and they were better as standalone stories. Also, I really don’t remember when certain weird situations happened because I never met those guys (so I never put dates with them in my calendar).

There was a bit of time where I wondered if I should bother continuing writing the book, but I quickly squashed that negative thought. Even if I don’t do anything with the book, it has been helpful for me. It gives me a place to write down thoughts and decompress after bad dates or after things end with a guy that I liked. I know that some of the things I am writing will have to be edited out if I ever publish it, but it’s a nice place to get things out when I need to do that. Also, it makes me have a better mindset about the really bad dates I’ve had. The past few bad dates have been not as horrible as they could have been because I was sitting there thinking how great of a story for the book this date would be. It’s been a great way to get through things that could be miserable otherwise.

So I started to rethink the book again and now I’m on the third version of the book. As much as I’d like to say this is the last version, who knows what will happen. As of right now, my book is split into 2 sections. The first section is a chronological story of the more significant guys that I’ve gone out with. These are guys I’ve dated for a while, guys who have helped me learn something about myself, or guys that ghosted me or broke my heart. They all deserve to have their stories told together because they work together and you can see how one thing leads into the other.

The second part of the book (which I’m guessing will end up being a longer part than the first) will be standalone stories of the crazies I’ve met. Some of these guys are guys that I messaged with and never met because they revealed their true colors before we made plans and other guys are ones that I went on my worst dates with. There are a few guys in there that aren’t horrible people but are better as a standalone story, but in general this section of the book isn’t flattering for any of the guys I met. These are the stories that you hear as warning stories on why online dating can be bad.

I’ve been slowly working on the book this time around. Even though this is the third version of it, I’ve never finished any of the versions. The advantage I have now is that most of the standalone stories have already been written although I am going to go back and edit and rewrite them. Plus I’ve already had a few new stories to add to that section that I need to work on. But I don’t really have a timeline for finishing it. In a way, I don’t know if it can be finished until I’m in a relationship because then I will always feel like there will be more stories to add.

There’s no rush since I really have no plans for this book. If I end up trying to sell it, awesome. If it just becomes a document on my computer, that’s fine too. But I do like having it as a goal to work on as well as something that has been a useful tool in surviving the online dating world.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailA NaNoWriMo Update (or Maybe I Need More Dates) Default ThumbnailAdventures In Online Dating (or My Luck Might Be Changing) Default ThumbnailNaNoWriMo Take 2 (or Still Working On The Same Book) Default ThumbnailI Might Write A Book (or The Bumble Avenger) Default ThumbnailContinuing To Work On Myself (or More Reflective Challenges) Default ThumbnailBuilding Upon My Monthly Challenge (or Continuing To Work On Shopping)

2 Comments

Posted in Dating, Fun Stuff

Tagged , , , ,

A Belated Brunch (or Just Enjoying Supporting Each Other)

Posted on August 22, 2018 | Comments Off on A Belated Brunch (or Just Enjoying Supporting Each Other)

It has been a while since my last brunch with my mentoring group. This is pretty much my fault since I am the one who organizes these for our group. But I’ve had a lot of things happening in life that have distracted me or just put scheduling this in the back of my mind and not having me take action on it. Fortunately my group understands and everyone is just appreciative that we do these meetings when we can even if they aren’t every other month.

Half of our group was able to meet for brunch this past weekend and I was so glad to get to see everyone. As it has been for a lot of our meetings lately, I knew I wouldn’t have a ton of updates to share with the group. But for me I get just as much from hearing everyone else’s journeys and the advice that they get from everyone else. And sometimes I am able to give advice to someone else that really works as advice for myself as well. Sometimes you don’t know what you need to hear until you hear you say it to a different person.

We had our brunch at Rush St. which really is now our go-to brunch place. We have tried meeting at other places, but they just haven’t worked out for one reason or another. We all love the food and the service is quick and efficient there. Plus, they have booths that can fit the entire group if we are all there and it makes it easy for us to hear each other. It can be noisy, but being in our booth makes the other noise a bit muffled so we can focus on the conversation within the booth.

Since that is our usual brunch location (and I’m there so many other times as well), we all were able to order quickly. I usually get either an omelet or the 2 eggs any way for brunch and I got my 2 poached eggs which were perfect.

When our group started meeting several years ago, we were a bit more organized and worked on giving everyone equal time to talk and get advice. But since we’ve been doing this for so long, things are much more casual. We had been talking about random things before we ordered our food and once we ordered we naturally went into hearing what one person in the group has been up to since our last meeting. And things naturally and easily went from one person to the next.

My update was very limited. I haven’t done much as far as acting work goes in the past few months. I have still been involved in the union and learning as much as I can, but that’s not really an update to my career. I did talk a bit about my book about online dating (more on that another time) and some other things I have been doing that are beyond my day jobs. I know I need to take more control over things and seeing what else I can do, but I know I was in a bit of a slump lately. Between being sick and just feeling off, I haven’t been as motivated as I have been in the past. But I know I need to take some time to myself to see where I can be more proactive with things since I don’t want to just sit and wait for others to have projects for me.

But everyone else had fun things to share. One person has been busy directing lots of projects including a short film for HBO. Another person has been working on a one-woman play she wrote and now it looks like it might end up on Broadway. And another writer in the group has finished a script and has been submitting it to people she knows to get feedback before working on the next draft. And we heard little updates from other members of our group via email that couldn’t make the meeting and everyone seems to be doing so well.

I know that I could be feeling down on myself and feeling like everyone else is making huge strides in their careers and I’m not. But I also know that everyone else has the same struggles that I do and I don’t necessarily know about them. Even I really only share the positive things happening in my life when we are at the meetings. I did share that I had been sick and some health updates, but besides those everything was a positive update. So I can’t compare knowing everything happening in my life with the little bits I know about everyone else’s. And I think our group shares that we all struggle so nobody has to feel like they aren’t doing as much or accomplishing as much as everyone else.

As with all of these brunch meetings, I felt so great while I was there and after leaving. I love having these check-ins and supporting my friends and having them support me. It makes me feel so amazing having such incredible people in my life and I am always so grateful for their advice for me or hearing their advice for someone else.

I’m hoping the next brunch we do won’t be as delayed and I’ve been making efforts to make sure that doesn’t happen. Our next brunch is supposed to be in 2 months and I’ve already sent and email out to the group to see what dates work for everyone. Hopefully we can find a date that works out for all of us and we can all be together in 2 months. But if that doesn’t happen (and there’s a good chance it won’t since we all have crazy lives and schedules), I know that whenever we are able to meet up again it will be just awesome as it always is.

You Might Also Like

Default Thumbnail4 Years Of My Mentoring Circle (or Celebrating With Brunch) Default ThumbnailLast Mentoring Group Brunch For The Year (or Switching Things Up For Next Year) Default ThumbnailAnother Mentee Meeting (or Beach Brunch) Default ThumbnailAnother Brunch Check In (or Wishing I Had Done More) Default ThumbnailBrunch Celebration (or Everyone Has Awesome News) Default ThumbnailAnother Business Brunch (or A Delayed Mentoring Circle Meeting)

Comments Off on A Belated Brunch (or Just Enjoying Supporting Each Other)

Posted in Acting, Food, Fun Stuff

Tagged , , , ,

Another LA Anniversary (or Almost Half My Life Here)

Posted on August 21, 2018 | Comments Off on Another LA Anniversary (or Almost Half My Life Here)

17 years ago, I moved to LA. It’s so crazy to think that I’ve been in LA that long! It doesn’t feel like I just moved here, but it also doesn’t feel like 17 years have passed since I started college. Then again, I also don’t feel like I’m really 35 yet. When I’m trying to remember how long ago something was, my default thing is to think something was 10 years ago when it was really 20 years ago.

I was lucky with my move to LA. I have a bunch of friends who moved here after college and they seemed to have a bit of a shock when they got here. Between the traffic, high rent costs, and the energy of the city they were overwhelmed. But I moved here at 18 and spent my first 3.5 years here in college so I had a nice transition between growing up in the Bay Area and living in LA.

Even though it’s been 17 years, I do remember a lot about my move down here. My parents drove in their car and my best friend Kate joined me and was the passenger in my car.

Yes I had leopard print seatbelt covers. I also had a leopard print steering wheel cover at one point but I don’t think I used that for longer than a week or so before it felt weird. But leopard print car accessories were all the rage when I was in high school so of course I had to have some too.

We really needed 2 cars because I might have had a bit too much stuff when I moved here. My mom’s car was packed full with clothes, books for school, bedding, and a dorm refrigerator that we bought before moving down to LA!

The drive is about 6 hours long and I remember it going pretty easy. We had a stop for gas and I don’t remember any crazy traffic moments. The only weird thing I remember is that we had walkie-talkies to talk between the 2 cars. But we also had cell phones so I really don’t know why we thought the walkie-talkies were thought to be a better idea. I do remember that Kate and I were having fun with them, but it’s still a weird things that we did. I also remember the exact exit and roads we took off the freeway to go to the hotel we stayed in the night before I moved into the dorm, and I now know that we actually took the longer way to get there from the freeway. That still makes me laugh a bit when I drive around that area again and realize that we didn’t know better since it was our first time in that area.

Moving into my dorm room was quick and easy because I moved in about a week before most people did because I was doing a program for new students to have fun in LA before school started. I remember moving in the dorms for my sophomore year and it was so much more hectic because everyone was trying to move in at the same time. I’m glad my first dorm move-in was when it was calm and we didn’t have to feel like there were so many people around also trying to get all their things into their room. And when my parents and Kate left, they called me to make sure I wasn’t too sad to be left in LA. Even though it was weird to think I was living away from my family, I was so excited to be in college and in LA!

In my 17 years in LA, I haven’t lived that many places. I had 2 dorm rooms (and I sublet an apartment my first summer in LA), I had an apartment on my own for a year, I had a 2 bedroom apartment with a rotating cast of roommates for just under 6 years, and I’ve lived in my house for about 8 1/2 years. I’m not big on moving and I’m happy staying where I am right now.

It’s been fun thinking for the past few weeks about how my LA anniversary was coming up again, but then I also realized something very crazy to me. Next year when I celebrate 18 years in LA, I will have lived half my life in the Bay Area and then half my life in LA. And right after that anniversary, I will be able to say that I’ve lived a majority of my life in LA!

That idea seems so odd to me. It still seems like I lived in the Bay Area significantly longer than I have lived in LA. But as of right now, it’s only a year difference. I’m sure that this happens for other people as well, but the only other people I have heard say things like this have lived in multiple cities as an adult. Then it makes a bit more sense to me since you are comparing living in one place to adding up the time you lived in multiple places. But right now I lived 18 years in one place and 17 years in another.

Maybe I need to do some more reflection about what I did in those 17 years in LA so far. I am sure that I am skipping over important things in my head that help to make my time in LA seem more significant and longer. But even if it never feels that way, it’s not a big deal. I don’t care if it feels like so much more of my life was in the Bay Area even if it’s not really accurate. I guess it’s just a weird way of how time goes by so quickly as you get older.

I guess for now I should enjoy the last year I have where I can say a majority of my life was in the Bay Area before that changing to a majority of my life has been in LA in a year!

SaveSave

SaveSave

You Might Also Like

Default Thumbnail15 Years Later (or Reflections On LA) Default ThumbnailSurgery Anniversary (or I Guess It’s Good I Almost Forgot) Default ThumbnailA Non-Surgery Anniversary (or Another Year Of Being A Medical Miracle) Default ThumbnailMy LA Anniversary! (or 13 Years Have Gone By Quickly) Default ThumbnailAnother LA Anniversary (or What Will Year 15 Bring?) Default Thumbnail67 Years (or Celebrating An Anniversary With Fondue)

Comments Off on Another LA Anniversary (or Almost Half My Life Here)

Posted in Celebrations, Fun Stuff

Tagged , , , ,

A Week Back On The Bike (or Focusing On The Good)

Posted on August 20, 2018 | Comments Off on A Week Back On The Bike (or Focusing On The Good)

This past week of workouts were a bit tough for me. I had a few days of really bad nausea and pain and that really affected what I could do and how hard I could work. I knew this might be happening since my nausea is a recurring issue, but it’s still a bit frustrating when it happens. I try to make the best of the situation but it’s not always easy. But this past week I was able to do a lot better on work other than cardio and that helped.

Monday’s workout was an endurance day and I knew it was going to be a day for me to just try to do my best on the bike instead of doing the efforts on the bike or using a treadmill. There were a lot of 3 minute push paces and 90 second push paces, some of which had an all out pace right after. But for the 30 minutes I was on the bike, I didn’t think about any of the efforts. I set the resistance to be at my base resistance for the bike and just tried to go as long as I could.

I had to stop pedaling every few minutes or so to let the pain or nausea go away. I was not focused on what we were really supposed to be doing for cardio and just did my own thing. I don’t love doing that since one of the things I love the most about Orangetheory is having a coach tell me what to do. But when I feel as badly as I did, just trying to pedal when I could is all I can do.

On the floor, I was feeling just as off as I did on the bike so I again just tried to do what I could. We had 2 blocks but one was a rowing block. On the long floor block we had deadlifts, lunges to upright rows, pullovers with weights on the Bosu, Bosu crunches, and Bosu plank work. I knew I couldn’t do the plank work feeling the way I did, so my coach told me to do lateral single leg lifts instead to get the same muscles working. For my deadlifts I did use a heavy weight since I know I can do a lot for that move. But for everything else I was using medium heavy weights for me.

The rowing block was a 4 minute row for distance. We had been given some distance goals but I knew that my rowing wasn’t going to have a lot of power behind it. So I set a goal just to be able to row for the entire time without stopping. I knew that if I had a lot of pain or nausea I would have to stop and that wasn’t something I could control, but I was hoping for the best. And somehow I managed to do the entire 4 minutes without needing to stop.

Wednesday’s workout went very similarly to how Monday’s workout went. It was a strength based day and I was on the bike again because I was feeling pretty rotten. And I went into the cardio portion with the same plan with what I did on Monday. I had my resistance set to my base resistance and just tried to keep going as long as I could. I took more breaks during the 30 minutes on the bike on Wednesday than I did on Monday because the cramps I was dealing with were worse, but I just tried to do my best.

On the floor, we had 3 blocks. The first block was a mini-band block. We had hip bridges with the mini-band on our legs but instead of doing the hip bridges on the ground we had our upper body on the weight bench. That was a bit tough and awkward for me to do, but I was happy to have something new to try as it distracted me. We also had squat lateral walks with the mini-bands in that block. The second block was lunges and plank work but I did upright rows with weights instead of the plank work. And the last block had lunges with upper cuts and lunges with bicep curls which went surprisingly well for me. We also had 150 meter rows in that block which weren’t as great because I didn’t have much power in my rowing. But I was happy with the weight work in that last block which helped to end my workout on a positive note.

I was still feeling a bit nauseous and was dealing with pretty bad cramps on Friday. But I was doing better than I had earlier in the week so I was hoping I could do a bit more with my workouts. I knew I’d still need to be on the bike, but I had a goal to do more than just pedal as long as I could.

This class was a 3 group class so I was only on the bike for about 15 minutes. There were 2 blocks and the first block was one where we did things at our own pace. For the bike, we had rounds of .8 miles and then we had a 30 second recovery. And each round we were supposed to increase the resistance by 1 gear. I started at my base pace gear and got through 3 rounds in the block so I got the resistance up to what is usually my push pace resistance. I still had to take breaks and it took longer to get to the distance than normal, but it was better than what I did on Monday or Wednesday. The second block was shorter and we had 30 second push paces to 30 second all out paces starting at the resistance level (or incline for the treadmill) that we ended the first block on. That went a bit better for me since they were shorter rounds.

Next I was on the rower which was also 2 blocks. The first block started with a 100 meter row and then ground to press using weights. I used a heavy weight for that move and was happy that I felt like I was doing some decent work considering I didn’t feel that way with the bike. Each round we increased our row by 50 meters and kept the ground to press the same. And the second block was the same patterns as the cardio with 30 second push paces to 30 second all outs. My rowing was never really a push or all out, but I just tried to do the best I could.

My best work in the workout was on the floor. The first block was squat low rows with weights, goblet squats, and reverse mountain climbers. Even though I wasn’t feeling my best, I managed to match my PR for weights on the low row and goblet squats! The goblet squats were a bit tough with that weight, but we had a low rep count so that helped. And the second block was single arm snatches using weights, push-ups using the bench, and ab work. I was feeling pretty good about myself after the floor work. It’s never easy to not be able to do what I know I can do in a workout but I was glad to find out that I could still do things on the floor like normal.

By Saturday I was starting to feel better, but I was still a bit off. So I finished my week of workout on the bike. And since it was an endurance workout, that was probably for the best for me. The cardio was a 23 minute block with no walking recovery and I don’t think I could have done that on the treadmill. But since I was on the bike, I decided to push myself and go really hard.

The 23 minutes of cardio work had 5 different 3 minute push paces with a base pace after it. Some of the base paces were 2 minutes and some of them were 90 seconds. I was changing up the resistance on the bike so that I would be using a harder resistance for the push paces and it felt like a relief when I was back to my lower resistance for the base pace. 3 minutes of biking hard did make me have a few moments of nausea, but they were much less frequent than it had been earlier in the week. And the 23 minute block ended with a 1 minute all out where I did increase the resistance on the bike even more. I was tired after doing that hard work, but it was good tired. After so many days of having to take it easy, it felt good to push myself.

On the floor, we had 3 blocks. The first block was squat reverse flys, plank jacks, and plank Spidermans. The plank work was a bit tough because of the nausea, but I just took my time and took breaks in the middle if I needed to. The second block was deadlifts, shoulder work, and toe reaches. And I was able to use my heavy deadlift weights again. And the last block was squat swings with bicycle crunches. Even thought this wasn’t the craziest floor blocks I’ve had, it seemed like one of the hardest!

I’m glad that while some of my workouts were a bit disappointing with cardio work, I usually did pretty amazing work on the floor. And since that was how I ended each of my workouts, I was able to end each workout on a positive and happy note. It was a good reminder that I don’t have to feel as frustrated as I have been in the past with the workouts where I can’t do everything I wanted to. And fortunately I should be back to normal workouts again this week.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailA Week Of Nauseous Workouts (or Just Doing My Best) Default ThumbnailA Week Of 3G Workouts (or Pushing Myself When I Feel Stuck) Default ThumbnailA Week Of Tough Workouts (or Frustration As Motivation) Default ThumbnailA Week On The Bike (or Ending My Year By Taking It A Bit Easy) Default ThumbnailA Week Of Bike Work (or Working Through Nausea and Pain) Default ThumbnailHoliday Workouts (or Making Myself Enjoy The Bike)

Comments Off on A Week Back On The Bike (or Focusing On The Good)

Posted in Fitness

Tagged , ,