I’m So Glad My Friend Called Me (or Forcing Someone To Get Help)

As I shared yesterday in my workout recap, something happened in the middle of the week. I have previously written about how I have had some personal experience with depression and some friends who have considered or attempted suicide. These are not easy things to talk about, but it is important to talk about them. There is no reason to be embarrassed if you are struggling and reaching out to get help. But I also know that reaching out to someone to ask for help is not easy. And on Wednesday night, I had a friend reach out to me for something else that turned into me forcing them to get help.

The story of what happened to my friend is not mine to share so I will not be very detailed in what happened. But they called me saying how frustrated they were with work and they actually walked out of work that evening. It was very impulsive and not the behavior I was used to from my friend. A few minutes later in that call, they said they kind of wanted it all to end and to cut their arms.

While this friend has had suicidal thoughts before, I have never heard them share a specific plan they had in mind. They also recently got a new therapist and I didn’t think they would be able to reach them (plus it was late at night). I honestly went into a bit of a panic. Was this someone just being frustrated and venting or was this a cry for help that I needed to take seriously. I realized that I had to do something and I got very forceful with my friend.

I told them that they had 2 options. Either they would drive to a hospital right now and go to an ER or I would call the police on them to have them taken to a hospital. I got very mean to my friend and said I didn’t care which they picked but they were going to have one or the other. And I told them if they picked the hospital that they had to keep me on the phone so I could have proof they went to an ER. I realized after saying that if they decided to hang up on me and go somewhere other than their home, I couldn’t do anything. My friend didn’t talk for a few moments and then told me they were driving to the hospital.

While they were driving, we didn’t talk much. I was trying to stay strong on the phone, but I was crying hysterically. I kept thinking that things could turn so wrong in a moment if my friend decided to do so. I just had to have some faith and trust that they were really driving to the hospital and that I would soon hear the voice of someone in the ER confirming they were there.

After my friend parked, they found a security guard to help them find the ER. I was on the phone, but there was no talking happening. And what felt like forever later I finally heard the voice of a woman in the ER confirming my friend was there and safe. My friend had to hang up the phone to check in, and when the phone call ended I completely lost it.

I knew that this was a risky time for my friend and I’m so lucky that not only they called me and admitted what they were thinking but I am lucky I didn’t miss their phone call. I have been thinking of the alternative scenarios in my head and I know they are all bad. I tried reaching out to friends to talk to but it was very late at night and most people were asleep. My friend called me from the ER asking if I could drive to where they were to move their car because they parked in the wrong area. Fortunately, before I had to make that drive, another friend got back to me and was able to do it. I didn’t feel like I could drive 30 minutes each way with how upset I was. I am so grateful for the friend who lived closer to the hospital to do it.

Even though I knew I did the right thing, I still questioned it. What if my friend wasn’t really going to harm themselves and I was overreacting? What if I just forced them to do something they didn’t need and they will have a huge hospital bill to deal with now? I was able to talk to a friend that night to talk this out with and they just tried to keep telling me that I will never regret helping someone if they didn’t need it but I would regret not helping if they did need it.

I didn’t sleep much that night because I just couldn’t stop thinking. But I had to come to the conclusion that my friend might be very upset with me for various reasons but I would be ok having a friend alive and angry with me and not ok with a friend who was dead. I knew intellectually that I made the right decision, but emotionally I struggled with it.

I heard from my friend later that day. They were being released from the ER and being sent to a mental health facility for a few days to get treatment. They didn’t go into the specifics of what was happening and I don’t know if they knew them at the time. They just sounded scared and confused but called me to update me. They also told me of some other things they might need help with and gave me permission to talk about it with a few of our mutual friends to see who could help.

Being able to tell other people what was happening helped me a lot. The weight of everything was no longer on my shoulders and I could talk things through with others. I know that what my friend was going through was much more intense than what I experienced, but I was surprised how drained I felt. You think that making a friend get help when they are in trouble would make you feel good. But for me, I felt good and awful at the same time. But being able to talk to others really helped me feel more reassured that I did the right thing.

I felt even better about it when my friend reached out to me to update me on when they were thinking they would be coming home and in their text message to me they thanked me. I also got a message from my friend’s mom who said I saved my friend’s life and they were grateful for me. I know I shouldn’t have to hear it from outside sources, but hearing my friend’s mom say that really solidified in my mind that I did the right thing and that there was no other option that would have had as positive of an outcome.

As I’m writing this, my friend isn’t home yet but should be soon. Another friend of ours has talked to them on the phone and said they sounded good. And I am hopeful that my friend will be ok and not angry or upset with me. But I have also accepted the possibility that they might be distant or not as friendly to me for a while. I will have to wait and see what happens, but as long as they are alive I am ok with whatever happens.

Even though I have had to talk friends down before when they were not in a good mindset, this was so different. But even though this was a tough thing for me to do and I was very upset about what I had to make my friend do, I don’t regret it for a second. I could not imagine my life without this friend and I would be devastated if they weren’t here. And if they harmed themselves after talking to me on the phone and I didn’t make them get help, I would never forgive myself.

But this isn’t about me. This only had this result because my friend was brave enough to share what was happening with me. They could have lied and said they were fine even though they weren’t. They felt like they needed help and knew they needed to say something. And I was just the person who happened to be listening and telling them what to do.  I cannot say how unbelievably proud I am of my friend for getting the help they needed. It is not easy, but hopefully in the long run they will be grateful for it.

While my friend felt comfortable enough to tell me what was happening, I know that isn’t always the case for everyone. I know some people don’t want their friends to know what is going on. And if that is the case for you and you are struggling or having thoughts of harming yourself, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. There are people there 24/7 who can help you find help. And if you hear someone you care about expressing thoughts of harming yourself, you can also call the Lifeline to get advice on what to do.

I know that when someone is in the depths of depression it can feel like you aren’t worth getting help. Please know this isn’t true. Everyone is worthy of getting help and being able to be happy in their life. Please reach out to someone if you feel helpless. There is always hope.

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