Monthly Archives: November 2018

The First Holiday Party Of The Season (or A Meeting And A Mixer)

Posted on November 30, 2018 | 2 comments

This week was the last Union Working meeting of 2018. With the holiday season starting, it’s tough to plan for a meeting in December because so many people have travel plans or other events to go to. And this meeting wasn’t a regular meeting, it was part meeting and part holiday mixer. But it was the perfect way to kick off the holiday season and the parties I’ll be going to.

I got to the meeting early so I could set up the Facebook Live things. I know that the team at Union Working appreciate that I do this for the meetings, but I always feel like I should be doing more because it’s not that hard for me to do. But if that’s what they need me to do, I’m glad I can do it! When I got there, a lot of the things for the party were already set up. There was a table full of amazing food and a bar area set up and I know that we were expecting a lot of people to be there (actors love free food and drinks!).

People arrived in waves since it was more of a party so I felt like I was always seeing someone I knew and getting to say hi and catch up with them. It was nice to not have to worry about getting everything ready for a meeting to start and to just enjoy time with those who were there.

About an hour into the party, the meeting portion of the evening happened so I got the Facebook Live video ready. It was a very brief meeting with the premiere of a new video that will be released soon regarding keeping the union strong, some notes about how we have merchandise for sale for those interested in representing Union Working with a hat or key chain, and then the leaders of the group were sharing their appreciation for everyone else. It was really nice to see how passionate the leaders of the group are about working hard for all actors. We see that passion when they are running the meetings, but seeing them be grateful for what we have accomplished was a different type of passion and it made me even more proud to be a member of the group.

After that was done, it was back to the party. I kept the Facebook Live running because we wanted to give people the opportunity to come over and say things to those watching in other parts of the country. A few people did come over to say thank you to those in other markets for working hard, but most of the time I was running it there was nobody there and I was just looking at the step and repeat.

Even though people weren’t coming over to talk on the video, I wasn’t by myself at the party. Friends were coming over to hang out and talk with me throughout the evening. And it actually worked out a bit better since where I was wasn’t as crowded as the area by the food where most people were hanging out. I liked having my own party area so I didn’t feel as overwhelmed or like I was in the middle of a crowd. I did go over and get some food (which was delicious!), but most of my time was over by the step and repeat.

And even though I always tell myself that I want to get a picture in front of the step and repeat, it usually is taken down before I remember or get a chance to do it. This time I wasn’t going to let the opportunity pass so I finally got a fun selfie in front of it.

Most people were taking advantage of the step and repeat being out of the way and available and were taking photos too. There were so many selfies taken and a lot of fun group photos. I thought about doing some group photos with my friends in front of the step and repeat, but because so many people were busy talking I didn’t want to interrupt them. And I loved watching everyone talk because there were lots of conversations about union related issues and lots of new people meeting each other and becoming friends. It was kind of fun being able to sit back and just enjoy the people watching.

But since everyone has a camera and was taking photos, I did get one group photo with my friends when the party was winding down. It’s not in front of the step and repeat, but at least I got one photo that proves I was there with other people!

I got everything from the Facebook Live cleaned up before the party was done so when cleanup was happening I asked if I could help in any other way. We had some amazing volunteers who were doing the cleanup and they didn’t need me. And that was ok since it was getting late and I had to work early the next morning. So I made my rounds of goodbyes to my friends and headed home.

Even with being over by the Facebook Live setup for most of the party, I never felt like I was alone or separate from everything going on. I loved having my own area to talk with my friends and to meet new people at the meeting. I know that next year is a big one for our union with elections happening again along with contract negotiations, so it’s going to be more important than ever to be as involved as I can with Union Working. And that’s exactly what I plan on doing!

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Default ThumbnailA SAG-AFTRA Party (or Finally Getting Photos With My Friends) Default ThumbnailSAG-AFTRA Holiday Party (or Getting Ready For Elections Again) Default ThumbnailUnion Working Holiday Party (or Just Enjoying Being Around Good People) Default ThumbnailUnion Holiday Party (or Seeing A Lot Of People In A Little Time) Default ThumbnailFirst Halloween Party Of The Season (or At Least I Made An Appearance) Default ThumbnailA NextGen Mixer (or Just Having Fun With My Friends)

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Posted in Acting, Fun Stuff

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Having To Defend Myself (or My Eating Disorder Isn’t Taken Seriously By Others)

Posted on November 29, 2018 | Comments Off on Having To Defend Myself (or My Eating Disorder Isn’t Taken Seriously By Others)

My eating disorder is still a big part of my life. I don’t think about it as often as I used to, but it’s still a major factor in multiple aspects of my life. I’m so grateful that I’m on medication that does help make things easier to manage at times, but it’s not a cure. But I do still have to do a lot of work on my own and it’s not easy. I struggle most days at least for a part of the day and there are days where I struggle the entire day. I often wish that this wasn’t how my life had to be, but it is the way it is and I can’t change it about myself. I feel very certain that I was genetically disposed to have an eating disorder and all I can do is work on managing it and trying to get into recovery.

I’m very open about having an eating disorder (possibly too open at times), but I find that being open is helpful to me. I don’t have to hide something about myself and when I try to explain things that my eating disorder affects it’s much easier than just speaking around it. One thing that is easier to explain is why I look the way I do when I workout 4 days a week.

If I didn’t have an eating disorder, I’m sure that I would look amazing. I don’t know if I’d be as thin and muscular as I’d like to be, but I would be in normal sized clothing and nobody would question me if I worked out or have other people in my workout class who don’t know me treat me like it was my first class ever and come congratulate me on starting to work on my health. I know that I’m much stronger than I look and I’m probably in better cardiovascular health than people who are naturally thin and don’t work out, I just don’t look like that.

And I’ve had people question me about if I really work out or if my workouts are worth it lately. Whenever I go to the doctor they do the intake questions which includes if I work out. I always say I do 4 days a week at Orangetheory and the person doing my intake usually looks shocked and tells me they are proud of me. I hate being talked down to like that, but it’s not worth me saying anything back. They don’t know me and I don’t need to explain myself because it will just happen again the next time.

But more recently I had someone who I know well ask me if my workouts were worth it because I look like I had gained weight (I haven’t, but maybe I look like I have?). They didn’t question if I was working out, but they questioned if I was wasting my time and money on something that they felt was not worth it for me.

I was speechless when that happened and I could only mumble that it’s hard to show progress when I still am battling my eating disorder and quickly changed the subject. I really couldn’t think of anything to say or a good comeback and just wanted to move past that discussion. I knew that if I had to hear them dismiss my workouts or effort any longer that I would probably start crying and I didn’t want to deal with it.

But the more I think about it, the more that conversation angers me. Beyond it just being rude, it’s disrespectful and if I was in a worse mental state it could be harmful to me. If I wasn’t feeling so good about my workouts, maybe hearing from someone else that I am wasting my time would make me stop working out because it isn’t making me lose weight right now. I might have a binge episode because I felt like all my work wasn’t worth it. Fortunately, I didn’t have either of those reactions and I almost used it as motivation to just keep trucking along.

I know that binge eating disorder isn’t as well understood as other eating disorders, but that doesn’t give anyone who knows I have an eating disorder an excuse to downplay the seriousness of it. Imagine if I was someone with anorexia and was trying to get into recovery but was still very thin and unhealthy looking. And if the person who talked to me said that clearly I was still sick looking so working on eating food is a waste of my time and effort. I don’t think anyone would ever say that to someone battling anorexia, but binge eating disorder isn’t taken as seriously by many people. They see it as a lack of self-control, lack of willpower, or just being lazy. And that’s not the case at all.

I think if this was all about willpower that I would probably have already gotten into recovery and this wouldn’t be anything I would need to worry about. But there are so many factors that make this so tough to get over and it’s not just eating less and eating healthier. Whenever I have a binge episode, it’s not something I want to do. And I always regret it immediately. Sometimes that regret happens in the middle of an episode so I can stop myself, but sometimes it’s not until it’s over and it’s too late to make it less severe.

I know that I can’t expect others to change how they treat me and that when people treat me and my eating disorder with this lack of respect that it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them. But it does still hurt because I work so hard every day to get into recovery. I hate having my efforts being dismissed like this and I have to remind myself that they don’t know my life or my situation. I’m just grateful that I am surrounded by so many people who treat me the way I should be treated and they have helped me realize that I am working hard. They show me that they are proud of me and I use that when I am feeling down. I’m lucky that most of the people in my life are people who work to help me and it’s only a few people who seem to want to bring me down.

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Posted in Food, Health, Tough Stuff

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Finding The Perfect Gifts (or A Gift A Year In The Making)

Posted on November 28, 2018 | 1 comment

I wrote recently about how excited I was to bring my family’s Hanukkah gifts to Thanksgiving. I love giving gifts and working on figuring out the perfect gift to get people. I don’t do a ton of gifts for the holidays, but I do get something for my parents, my brother, and sister-in-law. And I usually do one gift for my parents and one gift for my brother and sister-in-law for a few reasons. First, I do have to consider how much money I have to spend on gifts. But also, I love getting something that is more of a group gift for Hanukkah because I do something more personal for birthdays.

I take a lot of pride in finding the perfect gift for people and I have a tab on my web browser just for gift ideas. I know that I have to get gifts each year so when I see something that is perfect I save it because I know I’ll eventually buy it for someone. And the Hanukkah gifts I gave this year were something I found a year ago at Thanksgiving last year. And it’s been crazy to keep it a secret for a year because I was so excited about it!

I saw on social media that someone I follow got a custom pet portrait done and thought it was so cute! I looked at a couple of different companies online and they all seemed to be out of my budget. I was disappointed by that but determined to keep looking to see if I could figure out a way to make it happen. I ended up finding a company that was a bit out of my budget, but they usually had sales so I saved the link and was planning on ordering them in September.

I had a setback with the ordering because I placed my order and then the company wasn’t getting back to me. I was supposed to hear from them within 72 hours and gave them over a week before I reached out to them. They weren’t responding to emails or private messages on social media and I was so upset. I disputed the charges and got the money back, but then had to search again for a company to help me out (I finally heard from the original company and they said there was a glitch that caused them not to get my order or messages).

I contacted several stores on Etsy and found ZK Portraits. While the portraits I wanted to have done weren’t exactly what they usually do, they were willing to work with me and we started emailing back and forth so they could find out what I wanted. And they were even cheaper than the original company that I was going to go with!

I knew that for my brother and sister-in-law that I wanted a portrait of their cat as a doctor. But for my parents, I was on the fence with a few ideas. I knew I wanted something that was about Tahoe but I couldn’t decide if I wanted Tucker as a skier, hiker, or kayaker. As much as I wanted to keep this a surprise for my parents, I knew I needed help so I asked my dad for advice. He told me that having Tucker as a skier was the best one and he was so excited that I was going to be doing these portraits. I know that he probably would have loved to have been surprised, but I think he also enjoyed being in on the gift planning too.

Within a week of ordering the portraits, I got the proofs via email to approve. And I couldn’t have asked for anything more amazing than these!

I was smiling so much when I saw these and emailed the artist back to say they were perfect! I was getting the portraits as high-resolution digital images so I had to figure out how I wanted to present them. There are so many options for artwork like these and I didn’t know if they would want them on canvas, metal, acrylic, or photo paper nor did I know what size they would want them. So I had them printed out as 8×10 photos and figured I’d give them the full size image after they opened the gifts so they could do something different if they wanted to.

Sometimes my family does all of our gifts at the same time, but this time we ended up doing them each day. I gave my family their gifts on Wednesday even though they were going to do their gifts the next day. I just couldn’t wait any longer!

My mom opened theirs first (my dad already had seen a preview so he let her open it) and I wish I took a video of her reaction! She was so excited and shocked and was laughing so hard about how amazing the portrait was. She never would have thought of doing something like that herself and loved that I got them a portrait. My brother and sister-in-law started to ask questions about it and I told them they needed to open their present first. That clued them in that I got them something similar and I think they loved that I got a portrait of their cat like a doctor. My brother posted it on the Instagram they created for their cat right away.

The next day I got an Amazon gift card from my brother and sister-in-law and my parents got me a nice down jacket and a beanie that has a hole in the top so I can wear it when I have my hair in a ponytail or top knot! Both gifts will be put to good use (I actually wore the hat when I flew home since it was cold out) and I loved them! I’m still picking out what fun things I want to get on Amazon with the gift card since I don’t want to just use it on something boring like vitamins or printer paper.

It’s almost a joke in my family now that I always try to top the gifts I’ve done in the past, but it’s true. I really want to find the perfect thing and when I find them months before I’m going to give them that just gives me so much time to build up anticipation on how the recipient will react to it. And I’ve actually found something that I might do as Hanukkah gifts for next year, but I don’t think I can top the pet portraits for a while. It really was the perfect gift and I’m so glad they were a big hit!

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Posted in Family, Fun Stuff, Shopping

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Recapping My Thanksgiving (or A Few Days In Sacramento)

Posted on November 27, 2018 | Comments Off on Recapping My Thanksgiving (or A Few Days In Sacramento)

I’ve already written a bit about my trip for Thanksgiving, but I haven’t really said more than my flight there and my workout on Thanksgiving Day. I wasn’t in Sacramento that long (I got there late Tuesday night and left Friday afternoon), but I managed to pack quite a bit into my trip!

When I arrived, I got there so late that all I did was get to the hotel and go to bed. And the next morning, I had to work a few hours (it is nice to work remotely so I could work from the hotel) and the original plan was to try to make it to Tahoe so I could see the house. I haven’t been there in quite a while so I was excited to see what the house looks like all done. Unfortunately, the weather wasn’t that great so we decided to try for a Tahoe adventure on Friday when we were hoping it wouldn’t be as bad.

Since I had finished with work early because we only had a half shift the day before Thanksgiving, we had a lot of free time. So my parents and I went to visit my grandma. She lives in an assisted living facility there and I wanted to see where she was living now. I had seen her home in San Diego (both in independent living and assisted living) so many times and it was weird to think my grandma was living somewhere for almost a year and I hadn’t seen it yet.

She had just moved to a new room recently so I never got to see the first room she had. But I still wanted to see where she was living and what amenities the new facility had. When my parents and I got there, my mom had to ask the staff something about my grandma’s mail (the birthday card I mailed to her was never delivered) so my dad gave me a quick tour. This place is significantly smaller than where she was living in San Diego so it was easy to see the various places there that my grandma uses. I got to see the hair salon, the library, and the living room area. We looked at the courtyard too, but since it was raining we didn’t go out there.

Then we went to where my grandma is. She was out in a common room when we got there so my parents took me to see her room first. I really liked her room and it felt much more spacious than where she was living in San Diego. I’m glad I got to see it so I can picture where she is when I call her and we talk on the phone. Then we found my grandma sitting with a bunch of other residents and I got to take some time to talk to her. My grandma isn’t as chatty as she used to be and it can be tough to see her be confused and not how I remember her, but there are still lots of moments where she seems like herself and we can have some fun conversations. We were there for maybe an hour or so before heading back to the hotel because my brother and sister-in-law were arriving.

Thanksgiving Day started with the family workout and then we all went back to the hotel to get dressed and ready. My grandma was going to be picked up later than the rest of us arrived at my aunt and uncle’s (we didn’t want to exhaust her too much) so when we got there the cooking was happening and I tried to stay out of the way the best I could. My mom brought family movies to watch and it was really fun to see movies from when my grandma was growing up. And when my grandma arrived, we had started watching movies that had 3 generations of us in it (my cousin’s kids were the only generation not in the movies) and my grandma was really enjoying watching them and commenting on random things. She made a really great joke about how my dad looked weird because he had hair in the videos and he’s bald now.

When dinner was ready, we had a pretty incredible spread.

I had a little bit of everything except the mashed potatoes and cranberry sauces. And it was all really delicious! I probably ate too much food, but I think that’s a pretty common thing on Thanksgiving. And my family was having a great time sitting at the table enjoying all the random conversations we were having.

After dinner, we tried to get a family photo. My uncle was using his nice camera but the self timer didn’t seem to want to work. He ended up also setting his phone to video so we could see if we could get a good still shot on it while he attempted to make his camera work. We didn’t really get a great photo, but when he sent me the video I found some amazing moments that I love more than a staged, smiling photo. This one is from one of the last times he attempted to use his self timer and it went off before he could get in place.

I love how we are all laughing, even if I don’t love how I look in the photo. But it’s an honest and genuine moment from all of us and I think that makes it so special.

The day after Thanksgiving I had to work, but I had made an arrangement to work limited hours so I could spend time with my family. My parents and I were trying to get to Tahoe, but again the weather didn’t work in our favor so we didn’t make it. Hopefully I’ll get out there next year because I want to see the house and spend time with my family. So I ended up working my entire work shift (plus an extra hour because I mixed up what day it was) and then we headed over to my aunt and uncle’s house for some leftovers before I had to get to the airport.

It was nice to have some more family time even if it wasn’t that much time. But I don’t usually get that very often so I value whatever time I do get with my extended family. And after spending a few hours with my family it was time to head back to the airport for my flight back home.

I did have a few panic attacks on my flight back to LA, but they were pretty minor compared to the attacks I had on the way to Sacramento and they weren’t as frequent or as long. So I’m guessing my panic attacks were brought on by not flying for a long time and not that my panic disorder is back when I thought it was gone. And before I knew it, I was back in LA and back to my normal life.

My trip to Sacramento was quick, but it was filled with lots of great things. Even though I had to work 2 of the days I was there, that’s pretty routine for me for Thanksgiving and it didn’t feel like I missed out on anything. My parents were hanging out with me while I was working so I wasn’t alone. And work was slow enough that most of the time I was working was really just talking to my parents, helping them with random computer things, or helping my dad find some great deals online for new shoes.

I won’t get to see my extended family like this again until next Thanksgiving, but I will hopefully see them randomly throughout the year. I might be seeing my aunt in March and my cousin and her daughter in February. And there’s always time to plan for more in the coming year.

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Posted in Celebrations, Family, Fun Stuff, Travel

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A Short Workout Week (or 3 Workouts In 3 Different Locations)

Posted on November 26, 2018 | 1 comment

This past week of workouts was a short workout week for me, but it was also a really amazing week. I technically worked out in 3 different cities (2 of them being my regular LA studios) but I also had my traditional family workout in Sacramento! It was so fun getting to have my family workout in the middle of my workouts this past week and I loved that we were able to continue our tradition.

Monday’s class was at the Brentwood studio (where I go on Mondays) and it was an endurance day, but it was a unique format so it didn’t feel as tough as most endurance days have been in the past for me. We had regular treadmill and floor blocks, but we also had run/floor blocks and row/run blocks. Things were switching up every block so it kept things very interesting and challenging!

I started on the treadmill and the first block was the run/floor block. We started with a 6 minute run for distance and I did run/walk intervals. I did 1 minute of running with 90 seconds of walking. The running was a bit tough because I had been on the bike the week before, but I’m glad I did it. I pushed myself but I didn’t push myself too much. After the run for distance, we moved to the floor where we had work on the Bosu. We had single arm chest presses while laying on the Bosu, crunches, and hip bridges with our feet on the Bosu.

After that, I switched to the rower side where we had our row/run. We started with a 1000 meter row and then had a minute of recovery before going back to rowing to get the meters to 2000 meters. The first 1000 meters were tough, but I only needed 1 break in the middle to catch my breath. The second 1000 meters were much harder and I was taking a lot of breaks. But I got it done and then it was time to be on the treadmill for a 3 minute distance run. After that there was more rowing and distance runs, but the block ended while I was working on the 3 minute distance run so I didn’t get to do that.

Then I was back on the treadmill for 2 more distance runs. The first was 3 minutes and the second was 90 seconds. I wanted to try to run but my legs were tired so I did those both as power walks. And I finished on the floor with a block that had a lot of plank work including side plank rotations, side plank crunches, plank hip dips, and back extensions. The back extensions were tough for me because I had a little nausea and queasiness while doing them, but I pushed through and was fine by the end of class.

I didn’t work out on Wednesday because of being out of town, but I had my Thursday Thanksgiving workout! For the past 4 years (since we started this tradition), we have always done the workout at the La Jolla studio since that is where we went for Thanksgiving. Now that we were in Folsom, we worked out at the studio there. It was so easy to get there because it was right across the street from the hotel we were staying at! So for the first time, I was able to walk to my workout!

Since this was a new studio for us all, we got there early to get things figured out. And as soon as we walked in, we felt super welcome from how amazing the staff was and from the sign they had welcoming my family!

Technically we are the Fry family (this family is my mom’s side), but over half of us in my family in the class have the last name Levin so it worked.

This workout was a 3 group workout that was all partner based. There were 7 of us in my family in the workout, but since I am so used to the workouts I let my family form 2 groups and I partnered with 2 people from the class that I didn’t know. Technically the rower was the pacer, but the floor and treadmill people paced things as well.

The rower started with a 1600 meter row. Every time the rower was back on the rower they went down 400 meters (my group only got through the 1600 and 1200 meter rows). While they were rowing, the people on the treadmill and floor were switching back and forth on their own. The treadmill person had a .25 mile run (I walked) and in the second round it went down to .2 miles. And the floor person had ground to presses, burpees, plank jacks, and high rows using the straps. Whoever finished first between the treadmill and floor initiated the switch between them. And when the rower person was done, someone else went to the rower and the new treadmill and floor person switched between themselves.

It probably sounds more complicated than it was, but fortunately it wasn’t too tough to follow. Some people in my family had some confusion, but it didn’t really matter since they still were working out for the entire class and they had a great time! Some of my family were a bit sore from the workout, but they weren’t used to rowing or some of the floor exercises. Everyone was so happy we could continue this tradition and of course we had to get a photo to add to the collection of Thanksgiving workouts!

I didn’t workout on Friday because I was traveling back home, but I was back at the Culver City studio for my Saturday workout. It was a mix of endurance, strength, and power and it was the perfect way to get back into being in my normal routine. Plus, the workout had a lot of great chances for me to run which was an added bonus!

On the treadmill we had 3 blocks. They all had a push to an all out pace, a walking recovery, 2 rounds of a push pace to a base pace, and then ending with another push to an all out pace. All of the all outs were 30 seconds so I knew I could run all of those but the push and base paces changed with each block. The first block had 1 minute intervals and I did all of them as a power walk. But the second block was 45 seconds and the third block was 30 seconds so I was able to run the push paces in those blocks.

On the floor, we had 1 long block. Every round started with a row, starting with 100 meters and going up 100 meters each round. Then we had clean to presses, sumo squats using weights, double crunches with weights, and mountain climbers on the floor. I tried going heavy with my weights, but I could only do that with the sumo squats. For the rowing, since they were short rows I tried to go as hard as possible. But I might have gone a bit too hard on my 200 meter row because I was so exhausted after that and had to take a bit of time on the floor to catch my breath. But I made it through 3 rounds on the floor so I was happy about that.

Even though this past week of workouts was a shorter one than I’m used to now, it was such a great week. I loved the things I was able to do and I always love working out with my family. My dad and I like to compete against each other with these family workouts, but it’s all in good fun. But when I said goodbye to my parents before flying home I did remind my dad that he’s only got a year to train for next year’s family workout. And I can’t wait until it’s next year and we can do this again. But at least I don’t have to wait a year to do another Orangetheory workout since I’m back to my normal routine this week.

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Posted in Family, Fitness, Fun Stuff, Travel

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An Interesting Plane Flight (or A Return Of My Panic Attacks)

Posted on November 23, 2018 | 1 comment

I flew to Sacramento earlier this week to spend Thanksgiving with my family. The past several years Thanksgiving was in San Diego, but since my grandma moved to Sacramento we all traveled to be where she is. It was weird to fly for Thanksgiving since it had been so many years since I had to do that. And I realized when I got to the airport that it had been over 2 years since I had been on a plane.

I haven’t been a huge traveler over the past decade or so, but I usually would take at least one flight a year. So to go 2 years without flying was possibly the longest I’ve gone without a flight. I wasn’t too worried about it and was almost thinking it was funny it had been so long, so I was pretty relaxed when I got to the airport. Even with all the travel, parking issues, and getting through security; I was in the main terminal with plenty of time to spare. So I relaxed and got some dinner before I had to go to my gate.

While I was sitting at the gate, I started to notice some signs of a panic attack. It’s been a long time since I had an attack so I was hoping maybe I was thinking too much about it. Plus, I didn’t have any of my panic medication with me (and I’m sure it’s all expired) so I was just trying to stay calm and not think about it. But things kept getting worse for me. I was feeling very off and I just wanted the flight to be over with. But I still had time to wait before we boarded so I tried to focus on my book.

I was in one of the first boarding groups so I got a window seat and tried to settle in. I turned the fan on as high as it went because I was starting to sweat and shake. I knew I was probably going to have an attack on the plane and I couldn’t do much to change that. I just had to push through and hope it didn’t last the entire flight. The flight was full so the middle and aisle seats in my row were taken, but the people sitting in them were sleeping before we took off so I didn’t have to worry that they would be worried about me.

I really tried to just read my book and not think about things, but my mind just kept wandering. I had a pretty strong attack during the takeoff and a couple of moderate ones during the flight. The flight was only an hour so to have a couple of them felt like I was having them the entire time, but I know there were moments of calm during the flight that I was able to read.

Because I was flying at night, I didn’t realize we were about to land until I could see the runway below us right before we touched down. I only had a minor attack from the time we touched down until we got to the gate so that was much easier to deal with. Once I got off the plane, I stood in the jetway for a moment to try to catch my breath and relax. I’m sure there were people looking at me while I was calming down but I didn’t care. I wanted the attack to be done so I could get out of the airport.

Walking through the airport and in my Uber ride to the hotel, I was decompressing from the attack. I felt exhausted and my body was hurting. It’s been so long since I’ve had one and I forgot how it takes so much out of you both mentally and physically.

I’m glad it wasn’t worse and I’m very proud of myself for getting through it without any medication. I don’t know if I’m going to try to get a new prescription because I’m really hoping this was a one time thing. I do have my flight back and I am a bit worried about it, but I’m trying to stay optimistic as well. Maybe this attack only happened because it had been so long since I flew? I know my attacks at the dentist have stopped and I go there 3 times a year. So maybe it was just that I was out of practice with flying and my flight home will feel more routine.

No matter why it happened or if it will happen again, the fact is that I had a panic attack on the plane. It wasn’t fun and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but I made it through. And if I have another one, I just need to remind myself that I can get through it again. I would prefer if I could get through it when I’m home and have more things around me that comfort me, but I have done it on a plane surrounded by people so I think I can make it through in any circumstance.

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Happy Thanksgiving (or Just A Super Quick Post)

Posted on November 22, 2018 | Comments Off on Happy Thanksgiving (or Just A Super Quick Post)

Happy Thanksgiving! I know not everyone who is reading this is in the US or celebrates Thanksgiving, but for those of you who do I hope you are having an amazing day! For some of us, this means celebrating the day with family. For others, it’s celebrating with friends. And some people just like to have the day off to be on their own and doing whatever makes them happy.

Whatever you happen to be doing today, I hope it’s exactly how to wanted to spend the day. I am with my 4 generations of my family today and will be doing a big family dinner. I’ll be doing a post about that next week.

But I know that today is not the day to spend reading a blog post about my life and the craziness that always seems to be happening. I just wanted to have a quick post here to say that I hope those of you who celebrate are having an awesome Thanksgiving and I hope you are spending your time doing what makes you happy!

Enjoy your day and I’ll be back posting on here tomorrow with a more normal post!

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Random Life Hacks (or Cleaning Up And Packing Stuff)

Posted on November 21, 2018 | Comments Off on Random Life Hacks (or Cleaning Up And Packing Stuff)

I’m always looking for ways to make my life easier, but so many life hacks I see online seem much more complicated than they are worth. I’d love to have easier ways to store things or clean my house, but not if it takes me buying 20 different things and doing 37 steps before it becomes easier. So if I’m going to try a life hack, I need to make sure it is worth my time and effort before I consider doing it. Fortunately, I’ve found 2 things that actually did help me that were super easy and I wanted to share them with you!

The first is a hack for helping me so something that I know I don’t do as often as I should: cleaning my makeup brushes. I know how gross it is to not clean my brushes often, but it always seems like I only remember to do it when I need to use the brushes and can’t wait for them to dry. Also, I’ve learned how it’s not the best to dry brushes while laying them on their sides so I’ve been trying to figure out a better way to dry them (and never dry them with the brush side up as that can get water into the glue and ruin the brush).

I saw online that there are brush drying racks and I thought that might be a good option for me. But it does take up counter space, which I don’t have in my bathroom, and I really didn’t need something that big. I only have 4 or 5 brushes I use and I don’t need a dryer that can hold over 15 brushes. For someone who uses a lot of brushes, it does seem like a perfect thing to have, but it’s just not for me. But I liked the idea of how it was holding brushes the right way and I decided to try to figure out what I could do to create something like it.

What I ended up doing is using hair elastics and wrapping them around a basket I have in my bathroom. Then I could slide the brush in the elastic and it held them perfectly to dry without taking up really any space!

I shared this online and someone suggested putting a strip of magnets on the basket so I could attach the metal part of each brush on there. I do have magnetic tape so I might try that next time. But this was so easy and simple to do so I might just keep doing the hair elastic trick. I also recently got a new silicone scrubber and brush soap bar so hopefully this motivates me to clean my brushes more often.

The other new life hack I used was one for getting ready to travel for Thanksgiving. I don’t travel that often and I fly even less often (the last time I flew was 2 years ago!) so I don’t have a ton of travel containers that I use for storing lotions and other toiletries. The last few times I’ve traveled I just brought full size containers with me in my car since I had all the space I wanted to pack things. But since I’m flying I have to be aware of how large the containers are and I couldn’t really find what I was looking for at the store in the travel section. I wanted little jars for my day and night face lotions and all of the containers seemed to be big ones.

So I was wandering around the store to see if I could find something and I found the perfect thing in the pharmacy!

Since I only needed 2 containers and it came with an extra lid, it was perfect. I separated out 2 of the jars and used the 2 lids. I could have combined them if I needed more containers and stacked them, but this was the perfect solution for 2 lotions and it was very easy to pack. And the containers should be easy enough to clean so I don’t have to worry about the lotions getting gross inside of the jars like I do with some of the travel containers I’ve had in the past. I have no idea when I will fly again after this trip, but I will store them after they are cleaned so they are ready for the next time I need them.

I know this is a bit of a random post, but I seriously was just so happy when I figured these 2 hacks out and when I find something I love I just have to share it with everyone! Hopefully you all will find one or both of them helpful in your life, and if you know of any other easy and simple life hacks I’d love to know about them!

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Being Social and Nauseous (or Taking Some Inspiration From My Workouts)

Posted on November 20, 2018 | Comments Off on Being Social and Nauseous (or Taking Some Inspiration From My Workouts)

I write about dealing with nausea in my workouts quite a bit. It’s usually about a week or two every month so I have a lot of workouts where I am nauseous. Last week was one of those weeks. And I think that I really do well when it comes to not letting that set me back too much. I do have to make several modifications to my workouts when I feel that way, but I still go. And it’s a point of pride with me that I still make it to my workouts no matter how bad the nausea gets. While I have missed class before when I’m sick, it’s never because of nausea.

But for some reason, I can’t seem to take that idea and apply it to the rest of my life. When I have my bad nausea days, I want to just hibernate in my house. I rarely will leave the house beyond my workouts and I will go out of my way to not have to leave. If I was planning on going to the grocery store, I will order delivery food so I don’t have to be outside the comfort of my own home. I will go do things if I have no alternative or if it is time sensitive, but I really do prefer to be home when I feel like that. I don’t always throw up when I’m nauseous, but I’m always terrified that I will and I’d rather be sick at home.

I do miss out on some fun things because I want to stay at home, but it’s only been lately that it’s really upsetting me that I do that. I have missed a few really fun events that I wanted to go to, including 2 different goodbye parties for friends who are moving away from LA. Fortunately, both of those friends still have time before they each leave for the cities that they are moving to, but it still sucked to miss an event that I had been excited to attend. I know that they both understood why I didn’t make it to their parties and for both of their parties they had a lot of other friends there. But that doesn’t make me feel any better about letting my nausea stop me from going.

I don’t know why I have the ability to push through the nausea to go to workouts when I don’t have the same ability to push through to go to something fun. Maybe it’s because I know a workout is only an hour long and going to a party might be longer? Maybe it’s because in a workout I don’t have to do much with other people and at a party or event I need to be social and have fun? I’m not exactly sure what the reasons could be but I know that it’s something. And I really want to figure out how to get beyond this.

I’ve been lucky that I haven’t had to miss a lot of events due to the nausea, but I know that this isn’t necessarily going to get better. I have several more years of these weeks of nausea each month ahead of me and I don’t want to have to plan my life around those weeks. I need to work on some skills that I can use to help myself not feel as awful or to hide how I do feel. I have my various medications and homeopathic options to try to make myself feel better, but I guess it’s time to explore more options beyond what I have. And I also know that being as open about this struggle as I have been has helpful as my friends don’t seem too upset if I’m at a party and not feeling my best. They understand why I might not be chatty and they don’t bug me about why I’m not acting like my normal self.

And maybe I can use the fact that I can go to my workouts while nauseous as inspiration for how I can be out and doing fun things while nauseous. I should pay more attention to my body and what I use to make it through my workouts and use that for the rest of my life. I don’t know why I haven’t done that yet, but maybe I needed something to be the inspiration for wanting to work on this even more than I have. I still have the small hope that there will be something that will end up working for me every month to either not feel nauseous or to make it tolerable. But I also have to be realistic and plan for that to not happen. So I have to figure out my own solution to work through this to stop letting it affect my life as much as it does.

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A Week Of Nauseous Workouts (or Just Doing My Best)

Posted on November 19, 2018 | 1 comment

I knew before this past week of workouts that it was going to be a tough one for me. I knew it would be a week that I would likely be nauseous every day and even though I have found strategies to push through, it’s still not easy to work out when you feel queasy and in pain. This past week did challenge me, but I think I did the best that I could considering the circumstances. But that doesn’t mean that I went easy on myself or didn’t feel frustrated I couldn’t do more.

Monday’s workout was endurance, strength, and power based; but it was also the really bad nausea day for me. I always think I have a handle on the really bad days, but either I was totally unprepared or this one was worse than I usually get on a bad day because it was brutal. I was in enough pain that I guess I looked pretty bad. My coach has seen me have days of nausea before, but this time he had to check in on me to make sure I was really ok. One of my friends in class did the same even though I know he has seen me have occasional bad days over the past 2 years. Obviously because of all this, I was on the bike for cardio.

We had 3 blocks on each side of the room. For cardio, we had a long push pace, a base pace, and then 2 all out paces with a recovery in between. Each block the push pace got longer and the all out paces got shorter. I really tried to stick with my normal resistance levels on the bike, but I know that I wasn’t going as fast as I usually do (even when I’m nauseous) so I didn’t work as hard as could work.

On the floor, each of the 3 blocks had a 300 meter row. We could do them at any point during the block, but I always did them at the beginning to make sure I got it done. I almost always can do a 300 meter row done in under a minute, but this time they were all over a minute. I didn’t care too much since I was just proud for rowing and also not needing to take breaks when I was feeling queasy. The first block on the floor also had burpees and lunges (I did the burpees with my hands on the bench so I wasn’t going to the ground. The second block had squats and lateral squat walks. And the last block had burpees to squats (I split the moves up to make it easier on me) and weighted double crunches. I feel like I worked much harder on the floor than I did on the bike, and that might have been because my anti-nausea medications seemed to have kicked in a little after halfway through class.

I was feeling a bit better by Wednesday’s class, but I was still nauseous. My medication was managing it much better so I was able to do a bit more work while I was on the bike. It was a strength based workout so it was a lot of incline work for the treadmills (and resistance work for me on the bike). Everything in both blocks was based on 45 second intervals. In the first block, we alternated base to push pace and base to incline work. What I did on the bike was use my regular resistance levels for the push paces and higher than my all out resistance level for all the incline work. And in the second block we rounds of all out paces with recovery in between and the all outs alternated between regular ones and incline ones. Again, I used the same plan with my regular resistance when there was no incline and higher than normal for incline work.

On the floor, the first block had bench toe taps, hip hinge reverse fly, and ab work. I can’t do bench toe taps because of my hip issues, but I wanted to get the same type of balance workout so I did single leg squats using the straps for stability. And the second block was deadlifts, bicep curls, hip bridges with weights, and side plank crunches. All of those things were things that didn’t affect my nausea so I was able to do them without modifications and without having to go too low with my weights.

Friday’s workout was a mixture of the different types of workouts, but it really felt like a strength day for me. I was on the bike again and for cardio we had timed runs for distance. The first one was 8 minutes and the treadmills started at 4% incline and went down every 2 minutes. The second one was 4 minutes and the treadmills started at 4% and went down every minute. What I did was use my usual push resistance level the entire time for the 8 minute challenge and a level between my push and all out for the 4 minute one. I didn’t really track my distance so I don’t know if I hit the goals I was supposed to hit, but I know that I was doing much better on the bike than I had been doing earlier in the week.

On the rowers, we had one long block with timed rows with squats and lunges between. The first row was 4 minutes and the second one was 2 minutes. After doing those rounds I decided to just stay on the rower for the rest of the time to get as much distance in as I could for the Orange Voyage and to try to keep my heart rate up since it’s not as easy to do that with the bike.

And on the floor we had drop sets. That means we do a set of 6 reps using a very heavy weight and then immediately after do a set of 12 reps with a lighter weight. We had hammer curls and tricep extensions for the first block and I used 20lb weights for the 6 rep round and 15lb weights for the 12 rep round. I probably could have gone a little higher for my hammer curls, but I was feeling it after both rounds and was a bit nervous I’d hurt if I went heavier. The second block was skier swings and goblet squats. I used my normal weight for the skier swings and went with the 45lb weight for my goblet squats. I was thinking about using the 50lb weight when the reps got lower, but I couldn’t find that weight on the rack and I knew I wasn’t ready for the 60lb or 70lb.

By Saturday’s workout, I was almost back to normal. And when I saw that the workout was a power based class, I really debated pushing myself and going on the treadmill. I wanted to work on my running and the format was perfect for me to do that. But as I drove to the workout I was having some small waves of nausea and I knew that it wasn’t worth it for me to push myself because I wouldn’t be able to do what I wanted to do.

For cardio we had 4 blocks. The first 3 were all short blocks with a push pace, base pace, push pace, base pace, and all out pace. Each block the push paces got a bit longer. Because I was feeling a bit down on myself for not being able to be on the treadmill, I decided to push myself hard on the bike. I kept my base pace the same but I used my normal all out resistance level for my push pace and what I usually use for hill work only for my all out pace. My heart rate really was getting up there but I see that as a sign that I was doing some good work! The last block was rounds of all out paces with walking recoveries. I used the new resistance level for my all out paces and used my base resistance level for the recoveries just allowed myself to pedal slower. This was one of the hardest bike workouts I’ve done and it helped me feel a bit better about not trying to run.

On the floor, we had 3 regular floor blocks and a partner row block. The first 3 blocks all were short and had 2 exercises each. We had pop jacks, lateral raises, skater lunges, chest fly, push ups, and front raises. I wasn’t going that heavy on the weighted work because we had a lot of reps for each. And I used the bench to help with my pop jacks and push ups so I wasn’t putting my hands on the ground. But I did feel really good about my floor work. And the partner row block was the last 8 minutes of class where we partnered with someone else and one of us did 30 seconds on the rower and the other did front raises with the mini-bands. We switched back and forth until class was done.

Considering how bad this past week of workouts could have been, I really did the best I could. I know that I can do better, but that’s when I’m feeling better too. And I’m hoping this week of workouts will be a better one. It will be a shorter one and I’ll have a workout with my family, so I have motivation to work extra hard!

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