The other day on the news, they were talking about people experiencing vaccine envy. This is when you are upset that you haven’t been vaccinated when others have and you may do things that aren’t the best to try to get vaccinated sooner. Some people have tried to lie about their age or job in order to be vaccinated in a higher-risk group. Others have tried to bribe doctors to let them cut the line.
And there are some legitimate ways to jump the line if you have the time and ability to do so. Most places will have leftover doses at the end of the day. They have to use up all the doses in a vial because they cannot be put back in the freezer. So different states have organized different ways to be on a waitlist or standby list for those extra doses at the end of the day. Los Angeles doesn’t have a great system for this, but it’s still possible to be lined up for the chance at an early vaccine. A friend of mine did that and waited outside in a line all day and was one of the lucky few toward the front of the line that got a vaccine that day.
I have no problem with the standby lines since it is better to see the vaccine go to someone who wants it than to throw doses away. But I do see that it can be a privilege to be able to wait in line all day. Other states have online lists you can join and you are notified if there are extra doses. And maybe LA will do that soon. But for now, I can’t take a day off work to wait in line and I’m ok waiting my turn.
Hopefully, my turn for a vaccine will be soon. There are two ways I should be eligible for a vaccine in March. But getting an appointment for a vaccine is still tough to find here and because one is based on a medical condition, there aren’t a lot of things out there about how to get an appointment. I called my hospital and they don’t have a policy in place just yet. But they told me to keep checking the recorded phone line and to call when I hear of a way I could get my appointment set up. I don’t blame anyone for the confusion about the next round of appointments for people who are eligible. It’s confusing for everyone and I know everyone involved is trying their best with the information they have at the moment. And that information changes often.
And while I don’t have vaccine envy the way that some people do with trying to find any way to get a vaccine, I know I do have a form of vaccine envy. Or maybe it could be a lack of concern about the pandemic envy. For almost a year, I have rarely left my house and rarely seen anyone in person. I have been taking so many precautions to not get sick. And while I’m so grateful I have physically stayed healthy, mentally this time has been so hard on me. And I wish I could be someone who wasn’t always in fear of getting sick. I wish I didn’t stress out about seeing friends because they might not be taking the same precautions as I am. I miss having a life outside of the walls of my house. And in a way, I’m jealous of people who don’t care. I know that caring about being safe is important and if more people did that then maybe things wouldn’t be as bad. But it’s still hard to not be jealous of those who don’t care and haven’t had to give up their life for almost a year.
But I know this time is temporary. I will get a vaccine. Hopefully, it’s next month, but even if it isn’t, I will be getting one eventually. And I am luckier than most because I will be eligible in one of the next groups. It’s just a matter of time for when I get an appointment. And I know that getting a vaccine won’t fix everything or make it completely safe for me. But it will take the edge off of my fear and I won’t have to worry as much about COVID killing me. And having even a little of my fear go away is something I can’t wait for and is giving a little hope even when I’m having darker moments.
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