Yesterday was my mom’s first day of chemo. She did awesome, I had a weird day.
I was at work for the day (only a few more days left before unemployment). And my whole shift I was wondering what was happening with my mom. I know that my dad was with her so she wasn’t alone. And I helped her get her laptop set up for Netflix so she could watch tv shows while getting the treatment (she picked out “Orange Is The New Black” and “How I Met Your Mother” as the shows she’ll watch during chemo). But I had the weirdest thoughts in my head.
I was curious if she made any friends in the chemo room. I wanted her to have a good time while there (or as good of a time as you could while getting chemo). I wanted the nurses to be super nice to her (turns out, my mom gave them all triple-layer brownies so they love her even more than they already did).
A friend joked to me that I’m almost worrying about her like a parent worries about their kid on the first day of school.
My mom texted me as soon as she was done yesterday and I also talked to her on the phone, so I know that she’s ok. And I really have no question that she will be ok.
But it’s weird not being there for her and my dad. I’m planning on flying up there sometime next month to hangout and do some more cleaning on my old bedroom (which was turned into a gym about 10 years ago). But somehow I feel like I should be there 24/7.
I know that that isn’t a reality, nor do my parents want me there all the time. But I feel kind of helpless in LA. When I talked to my mom yesterday after her chemo, she was talking about how she was making dinner for the next night so she didn’t have to worry about it then. She shouldn’t have to be making dinners (but she does love to cook so it isn’t a total chore for her). I should be. And yes, I’ve looked into the cost of me making food and shipping it to her and it is beyond ridiculous. Maybe if I win the lottery or something I could do it, but it won’t be happening otherwise.
So for now, I’m just at my house waiting and worrying. I know that eventually, all of this will feel normal to me. I’m just hoping that that eventually comes soon.
