Tag Archives: weight loss

Alternative Motivation (or Why Can’t I Transfer My Dedication From One Area to Another)

Posted on December 10, 2012 | Comments Off

On Friday evening, I attended the Actors’ Network annual holiday party. I love this holiday party! It’s a great mix of industry types and I always run into people who I don’t see as often as I’d like.

I haven’t been able to go to many Actors’ Network events since starting my new day job in May. Most events are between 1 and 7:30pm and I pretty much always working then. I plan on attending more events when I’m (f)unemployed soon.

As I was chatting with a friend who I hadn’t seen in almost a year, we were discussing what had been keeping us busy. I mentioned this blog, and they asked me about it. I said how I just recently passed 100 blog posts and they commented on how motivated and dedicated I must be.

I always have thought of myself as someone who needs more motivation in life. If I was a motivated person, I shouldn’t have a weight issue. I would be motivated to eat better and exercise more.

But the more I thought about it, it’s true that I’m really motivated.

I’m motivated to write every day here, and I’m super happy about that. I love thinking of what to write about and what you will all think about it.

I’m also really motivated in my job, which is good.

I’m motivated to keep acting. I know that one day I’ll “make it” and it will all be worth it.

I’m motivated to watch my favorite tv shows even when I’m tired (this might not be the best one, but it’s true).

I just can’t find the motivation all the time for my health. I don’t know what the block is in my brain. I want to do it, but I can’t seem to do it. I don’t know if I’ve convinced myself that I don’t have enough time/energy/whatever to do it. But now that someone else has made me realize that I do have a motivated personality, I’m going to work on figuring it out.

Comments Off on Alternative Motivation (or Why Can’t I Transfer My Dedication From One Area to Another)

Posted in Acting, Fitness, Food, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss, Work

Tagged motivation, weight loss

New Photo (or It Reminds Me of The Old Me)

Posted on October 29, 2012 | Comments Off

I had my photo shoot with Joanna Brooks on Friday. I haven’t gotten all of my photos in an online proof sheet yet, but I should have that by Wednesday.

We did a lot of the shoot in her studio that she created in her garage (she has a very understanding boyfriend who gave up parking his car in there so she could make a studio), but we did go out to a freeway underpass to shoot one of the looks.

While driving back from the location to her house, Joanna let me look at some of the photos in her camera so I could see how I looked. I was scrolling through the photos when one made me stop and gasp. There was one photo that looked so much like a photo that I look when I was 100 pounds lighter. I was so surprised to see it that it almost felt like I was kicked in the stomach.

I don’t know if anyone else will see the similarity (I think it has a lot to do with my chin and shoulder positioning), but here are the two photos side by side.

I think that the new photo (in the green) is way better than the old photo. I look younger and fresher, which is funny since the one in the blue was taken in 2007.

Even looking at them now, I can’t help see the similarities in the photos. It’s weird. It’s almost as if there is a sign that I’m not as far from the old me as I think that I am. Even though I have a lot of weight to lose, that’s all that keeping me from getting back to the old me (although I probably won’t go back to the shorter hair for a while).

This reminder is really helping to motivate me. I haven’t been doing so great with cutting out my favorite drink, Diet Coke. I know that when I’m not drinking soda I seem to eat a bit healthier. I’m making it my goal to seriously limit my soda drinking.

But I will allow my self to possibly have a rum and Diet Coke at the after party for the “#140Characters” screening tomorrow! Tickets are still available if you’d like to come!

Comments Off on New Photo (or It Reminds Me of The Old Me)

Posted in Acting, Celebrations, Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

Tagged acting, headshots, photos, weight loss

Readjusting (or Leaving Vacation Mode)

Posted on October 23, 2012 | Comments Off

Even though I was only in Texas for 2 half days and 1 full day, it felt like a vacation. I got away from any stress I have at home and could pretend that I didn’t have to worry about work.

I wasn’t thinking about what food I was eating. My dinner on Friday and Saturday were part of the wedding festivities. I had brunch at my hotel on Saturday, and on Sunday I had breakfast at the airport. I wanted to enjoy the wedding meals, so I wasn’t thinking calories.

I also got kind of jet-lagged. Even though it’s only a 2 hour time difference, I got affected.

But now I’m back to real life. I had an early day at work yesterday, and I’ve got 3 more 8 hour days in a row ahead (I’m taking Friday off to take new headshots). I live-tweeted the debates again. And I need to go back to monitoring my food.

I gained 3 pounds on my trip. Yes, some of that is due to the food I ate, but I think at least part of it is from the stress of travel. When I weighed myself this morning, I’ve lost 2 of those pounds. I want to be at least at the weight I was last week before my photo shoot.

My next trip is going to be Thanksgiving. I’ve got plenty of time to get back to my old self (or even be better than my old self) by then. This week, I’m just focused on my food and detoxing from all the yummy BBQ I ate this weekend.

I don’t detox with anything weird, I just record everything that I eat and try to eat as few processed foods as possible. And hopefully I’ll be back to me quickly.

Comments Off on Readjusting (or Leaving Vacation Mode)

Posted in Food, Weight Loss

Tagged detox, travel, weight loss

Nerves vs. Excitement (or How to Think Positively)

Posted on October 4, 2012 | Comments Off

In my acting class on Tuesday night, I heard some advice that I’ve heard previously. But for some reason this was the time that the advice really stuck with me.

Nerves are just excitement that is labeled negatively.

This advice come from Jack Plotnick (you can read the whole story that goes along with that advice here).

This advice is perfect for my acting career. I don’t always get nervous for auditions. When the part seems so far away from who I am or what I look like, I don’t worry at all. But when the part I’m reading for sounds just like me and I fit the physical description perfectly, I’m usually a bundle of nerves.

But this advice also works out perfectly for the weight loss journey that I’m on right now. I’m so nervous if this will work this time. Ever other time I’ve lost 100 pounds (and there have been a few times), I’ve done it on some crazy diet plan like the Zone food delivery or on the RFO plan. But this time, I’m doing it the right way. I’m exercising more and being careful what I eat.

One thing that I’ve kept with me from my RFO days is how to figure out how many calories you need to be at any weight. The standard is 10 calories for every pound. So if you want to weigh 130 pounds, you have to have an average of 1300 calories a day. You can eat more if you burn calories exercising, but your daily average is 10 calories per pound. But within the RFO program, there was a way to figure out our exact numbers. And I only get to have 9.3 calories per pound.

I’m not at the calories right now that I would have to be at to maintain the weight that I hope to be at. That seems a bit too low for me now. So I’m slowly working my way down to that. Once the number of calories I eat every day seems to be ok, I’ll drop my number by 50 calories.

I’m incredibly nervous that I’m never going to like this again:

But now I am going to think how excited I’m going to be when I get closer to my goal. I’m going to be excited to put on clothes that used to fit that now live in a storage bag under my bed. I’m excited to see what the future has in store for me.

Comments Off on Nerves vs. Excitement (or How to Think Positively)

Posted in Acting, Food, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

Tagged calories, nervous, positivity, weight loss

Being My Authentic Self (or Ignoring All The Outside Voices)

Posted on October 3, 2012 | Comments Off

Yesterday, I was working at an interview for Inside Acting Podcast (I’m their production coordinator). I can’t share who was interviewed yet, but this person said some things that really stuck with me. And it wasn’t just what they said that affected me, it was the fact that over the past few days, I’ve heard this so many times.

What they said was that the most important thing to do is to always be true to yourself and be authentic. And to ignore what everyone else might be saying. As long as you are authentic, it doesn’t matter what other people think about yourself.

I first heard this after I wrote this post. People had told me that the girl who called me fat was an idiot (that’s actually one of the nicer words used to describe that person) and that I shouldn’t listen to other people’s opinions of me.

My opinion of myself is most important. The problem comes when my opinion of myself isn’t the most positive.

Since starting this blog, I’ve lost about 10 pounds. That should be amazing. I should be so happy.

But I’m not.

The first problem comes from something that shouldn’t matter. I’m used to getting so much positive reinforcement about my weight loss from other people. People say how good I look and ask me how much I’ve lost. But then when I maintain that weight, the compliments stop coming. And this is where I’ve lost focus in the past. I shouldn’t worry about other people commenting on the change in my body. Yet, I’m still a little peeved that nobody has mentioned anything to me yet (and I’m not fishing for compliments).

I’m also not happy because it doesn’t feel like I’ve lost enough. In the past, when I’ve been on crazy diets, 10 pounds could drop in a week. When you watch “The Biggest Loser”, losing under 10 pounds is a week is a huge disappointment. I need to get myself out of the mindset that losing 1-2 pounds a week is a bad thing.

I’m working really hard at getting all the outside voices out (and my own negative voice out). I’m trying to focus my energy on being true to myself and being the best Jen that I can be.

It sounds so cheesy, but I think it’s exactly what I need.

Comments Off on Being My Authentic Self (or Ignoring All The Outside Voices)

Posted in Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

Tagged positivity, weight loss

Back to the Grind (or It’s Time to Be a Little Selfish)

Posted on September 26, 2012 | 2 comments

I’ve had a lot of fun stuff lately. My dad left to go back yesterday and now I’m back to the normal grind of stuff until I go to my friend’s wedding in October.

I’m getting over a cold/sinus infection/allergy thing right now, so my energy is a little low. But I’m trying to stay upbeat and beat this bug in my system ASAP!

After so much excitement, it can be hard to get back to the groove of things. I just had 2 days off of work, but now it’s back to 6 days a week. I’ve had company, but now I need to focus on myself a bit.

I’ve mentioned before about fall tv season starting. This is not only a time for research on new shows, it also means that tv is in high production right now and I want to help my agents get me as many auditions as possible. I need to be selfish for a bit and make me the best me I can be.

I’ve got Marci Liroff’s class starting this week which will help me out with the auditions I get. But I’m also looking at getting new headshots as those are the main tool that help me get those auditions.

I’m running into a problem though. I have headshots that look like me right now:

These are great, and when I walk into the audition room, I know that the casting director is going to recognize me as the girl in the picture. And that’s really important.

But after not really eating food for a while, I’ve lost 10 pounds. I don’t feel like I look any different, but that’s got me thinking. How much weight do I need to lose before I do new headshots?

Headshots aren’t cheap. I usually end up spending around $400 for the shots and a makeup artist (which I have found to be a necessity for headshots, not a luxury). If I’m hoping to lose 100 pounds, do I do new pictures every 25 pounds or when I just feel like I don’t look the same any more? I don’t have tons of money right now to spend on them, so I’m thinking of talking to some photographers that I’ve worked with in the past and that I want to work with now and see if someone will maybe let me do a bunch of small sessions where I only get 1 or 2 looks each time. But I’m not sure anyone will be willing to work on a deal like that.

And I can’t just use pictures that are from when I was thinner, because I don’t look like that person at all. My hair is different (cut and color) and I’m not that young anymore. Here’s one of my headshots from thinner days:

I’m looking forward to figuring out what the solution is going to be for getting updated headshots as I lose weight. I also can’t wait to see what my new pictures will look like in the future.

But I also can’t focus too much on what might happen. It’s another of the “what if” situations. So I’m just putting my head down, working hard, and conquering any problem that comes up when it comes up.

2 Comments

Posted in Acting, Fun Stuff, Saving, Weight Loss

Tagged acting, headshots, photos, selfish, weight loss

My Current Diet (or I Miss Food)

Posted on September 14, 2012 | 11 comments

I’ve been on a weird diet lately. And I don’t mean that I’m on Atkins, the Zone, Paleo, or the HCG diet. I mean the food I’m eating is weird.

I had the start of my dental adventure, and next week, it finally ends. I’ve had one permanent crown repaired and I’ll have my temporary crown replaced with a permanent one next Tuesday. For a while, I could not have any food that needed to be chewed. My meals pretty much all looked like this:

Not too exciting. I can now have “regular” food, but I can only chew on one side of my mouth until next week. So I’m being safe and only having soft foods. So a lot of overcooked pasta and soup everyday.

This makes me miss food.

It also brings back memories of the times I was on the UCLA RFO Diet. Basically, it’s an all liquid diet. Everyday, I had 6 shakes that were each 100 calories. I was constantly monitored by doctors (appointments every week, blood draws and EKGs twice a month). I also went to therapy classes there. The first time I did the diet, I did it for 9 months without cheating. The second time, 10 months without cheating. I lost 100 pounds both times.

I missed food so much when I was on the RFO program. All the shakes where so sweet and I craved salt. Eventually, I just got a spoonful of Kosher salt once a week and ate it.

The diet worked while I was on it, but obviously, I wasn’t able to maintain the loss. That’s one reason why I’m trying to do it this time in a “normal” way. I can’t keep bouncing back and forth.

Right now, while I’m not really eating, I keep having dreams (or nightmares) that I’m back on the RFO program. I wake up panicked about it.

I’m so glad that by Wednesday next week, I won’t have to miss food anymore.

11 Comments

Posted in Food, Weight Loss

Tagged dentist, diet, food, weight loss

52 Weeks (or What Can I Do in a Year?)

Posted on September 7, 2012 | 6 comments

One year from tomorrow will be my brother’s wedding in Kauai.

I’m excited for their wedding. I really like my brother’s fiancé, Krystle. She’s very nice, and she invited me to come up to San Francisco in April for her dress fitting. I’m excited to have her as my sister next year.

Since the wedding is in Kauai, clearly there will be some activities in the water at some point. Water activities involve swimsuits. The last time I wore a swimsuit was in 2006 and I looked like this:

I was about 100 pounds smaller than I am now. I wish I could go back to this time. I thought I was still so heavy, but looking back now, I know better.

So with the wedding one year away, that’s 52 weeks. And people say that a sensible weight loss is about 2 pounds a week. Therefore, it should be possible for me to lose 100 pounds by the wedding.

I’m not saying that this will definitely happen. I’ve tried to do this a million and a half times. I’ve failed most of those times. And the few times I’ve done it, it hasn’t been a sustainable way.

So I’m not trying to focus on losing 100 pounds. That’s too scary and too big. I’m going to try very hard to focus on losing 2 pounds a week.

That’s a very frustrating thing to do. I partially blame that on the crazy diets I’ve done in the past where having a 10 or 15 pound loss in the first week or two isn’t unreasonable. And most weeks I would lose at least 5 pounds a week. I also blame it on shows like “Biggest Loser” where when contestants lose less than 10 pounds a week, they feel like failures.

2 pounds a week doesn’t seem like enough in my head, even though when you add it up over 52 weeks it will be amazing. But I’ve always had trouble focusing on the small victories instead of the big picture.

The one thing I do have going for me right now to jump-start this is the fact that I’m on a soft food diet due to my temporary crown. So I’m living on a lot of yogurt, cooked veggies, and bananas right now. I know that this weight loss won’t be the norm, but at least it might get me motivated.

I don’t want to make this blog a focus on me losing 100 pounds before the wedding, so I probably won’t do a ton of updates of where my progress is. But I just wanted to share this with all of you. Even if I don’t lose 100 pounds, I’d love to have the confidence in a year to wear a swimsuit. Otherwise, I don’t think I’ll be having a lot of fun at the beach.

6 Comments

Posted in Celebrations, Weight Loss

Tagged beach, swimsuit, wedding, weight loss

Learning From My Dental Situation (or How Getting A Crown is Educating Me on My Weight Loss)

Posted on September 4, 2012 | 1 comment

I’m writing Tuesday’s post on Monday night because tomorrow morning is part one of my crown procedure at the dentist. I’m horribly nervous and can’t wait for this whole thing to be done.

The only positive that I can see out of having this done is getting an extra day off of work (but that also means less money in my next paycheck). Also, if this wasn’t being done now, it could end up being a root canal (which I’ve never had and never want).

Sometimes, you just have to suck it up and do something because in the long run, it will be a good thing, even if in the short term you are extremely unhappy or stressed.

This crown is costing a ton of money (and my insurance isn’t very good so at most, half of it is covered), but a cracked tooth or a root canal would be way more money.

Yes I’m missing out on another day of work, but my supervisor knows and if any of my customers call in, he’ll take the order for me and I’ll get my commission.

Yes, I hate that I have a ton of weight to lose now and a bunch of debt to pay off, but if I don’t do it now, how much worse will it get?

I’ve talked about the “what ifs” before, and I don’t want this time in my life to be a “what if” in a year or two. If I don’t take action now, I’m going to regret it later in life. This I know for sure.

I’m going into tomorrow expecting a bad day. It will go one of two ways. Either my mouth will be so sore and so numb that I won’t eat anything all day and that will be that. Or I’ll be in a ton of pain until right before dinner and then I’ll be starving. I’m hoping it will be the first, but I’m trying to prepare my house with foods that are safe both for my crown and my waistline.

Soups, whole fruit popsicles, yogurt, and jello all seem like they are safe in both ways. I’ll have to be careful eating with the temporary crown, but maybe that will help kickstart this attempt at weight loss.

I’m hoping to not get too out of control tomorrow. But I’m also allowing myself to do so and not go into a downward spiral. If tomorrow is a bad day, why does the next day, or week, or month have to be bad too.

This is the lesson I’m hoping to learn from this really sucky dental situation.

1 Comment

Posted in Food, Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

Tagged dentist, money, pain, weight loss, what if

My Love/Hate Relationship with the Scale (or Can I Drop Kick a Scale without Hurting Myself?)

Posted on August 31, 2012 | Comments Off

One thing that I’ve found in common with most people with eating disorders is the love/hate relationship people have with their scale.

I used to love my scale. I would weigh myself dozens of times a day. After I ate a meal, after taking a shower, after using the bathroom, before and after a workout. I was obsessed with the daily fluctuations of the numbers on my scale. I learned how to manipulate it to my advantage before I had weigh ins at my therapist. If I had a huge meal before I was going to see her, I knew exactly what to do to make the scale be either the same or only a little higher than what it was last time. As much as I’ve tried to forget some of these things, some of it is stuck in my head. I will always remember that the Chinese food binge that I enjoyed would add 5 pounds on the scale. The gain was a mix of the amount of food and the bloating from sodium.

The scale that I had back then broke. I was devastated. I couldn’t bring myself to buy a new scale. That old one was my friend and I trusted it. And that exact model wasn’t made anymore so I couldn’t find an exact replacement.

After a few months of not having a scale. My mom bought one for me without me knowing it. If I had known she was going to do that, I would have told her no. I didn’t want another scale. I didn’t know if I could trust another one.

I’ve had that new scale for several years now. I’m still obsessed with the number on it, so I make a big effort to only step on the scale once a day. That doesn’t happen all the time, but I’m trying.

But recently, my scale has been showing signs of it not working quite right. I’ll weigh myself and somehow I’m 8 pounds lower than yesterday. I step off and get back on, and I’m at 1 pound less than yesterday. If I step on it a few times in a row in the morning, it can be as big as a 10 pound difference.

This is a huge problem for me and keeping my mind in the right mindset. So with the long weekend ahead, I think I’m going to venture out to Bed, Bath, & Beyond (with a coupon), and look into getting a new scale. I might go for a less high-tech one because I feel that might help the lifespan of my scale. Right now, my scale does weight and body fat and has 3 profiles on it for different family members. I don’t need all of that.

All I need is a scale that I can use and hopefully love more than hate.

Comments Off on My Love/Hate Relationship with the Scale (or Can I Drop Kick a Scale without Hurting Myself?)

Posted in Tough Stuff, Weight Loss

Tagged eating disorder, scale, weigh in, weight loss

Tag Archives: weight loss

Alternative Motivation (or Why Can’t I Transfer My Dedication From One Area to Another)

Like this:

New Photo (or It Reminds Me of The Old Me)

Like this:

Readjusting (or Leaving Vacation Mode)

Like this:

Nerves vs. Excitement (or How to Think Positively)

Like this:

Being My Authentic Self (or Ignoring All The Outside Voices)

Like this:

Back to the Grind (or It’s Time to Be a Little Selfish)

Like this:

My Current Diet (or I Miss Food)

Like this:

52 Weeks (or What Can I Do in a Year?)

Like this:

Learning From My Dental Situation (or How Getting A Crown is Educating Me on My Weight Loss)

Like this:

My Love/Hate Relationship with the Scale (or Can I Drop Kick a Scale without Hurting Myself?)

Like this:

Follow me on Twitter

Like Me On Facebook

Follow Me On Instagram

thejenlevin

Recent Posts

Archives

Tag Archives: weight loss

Share this:

Like this:

You Might Also Like

Share this:

Like this:

You Might Also Like

Share this:

Like this:

You Might Also Like

Share this:

Like this:

You Might Also Like

Share this:

Like this:

You Might Also Like

Share this:

Like this:

You Might Also Like

Share this:

Like this:

You Might Also Like

Share this:

Like this:

You Might Also Like

Share this:

Like this:

You Might Also Like

Share this:

Like this:

You Might Also Like

Connect With Me!

Subscribe To Finding My Inner Bombshell!

Follow me on Twitter

Follow Me On Instagram

thejenlevin

Recent Posts

Archives