Tag Archives: positivity

Thinking I’m Good Enough (or Not Freaking Out Over An Email)

I’ve had what seems like hundreds of day jobs since I moved to LA. I started as a nanny and after-school teacher while I was in college and it’s moved on to more stable (and rent paying) jobs since graduating.

Of those many day jobs, most of them have been pretty horrible. I’ve had jobs where my boss was verbally abusive (he said that I was a horrible person and I deserved to die). I’ve also had a boss who called me fat and undateable. And I’ve had jobs that were just so bad that I had to quit after less than a month.

With all of these jobs under my belt, I get a little scared that I’m always on the verge of having to look for another job. I’ve been fired in the past, and it’s always in the back of my mind. When I worked my telesales job, for the first year whenever my boss called me in to his office, I started to shake and freak out that he was about to fire me. My boss thought it was kind of funny that my mind automatically goes to being fired when most of the time when he brought me into his office it was for good things.

I’ve compared my feelings about my day jobs to how an abused puppy must feel when they finally get into a good home. While it seems too good to be true, I’m always scared that everything is going to disappear and I’ll be back to where I started.

So when my recruiting job boss sent me an email saying that we needed to talk on the phone about how things were working out, my first thought was that he was disappointed on how things were going for me. The email happened on Friday and he wanted to chat on Monday, so I spent lots of time this weekend looking for another job. I was so sure that he was going to fire me.

When we talked yesterday, he wasn’t concerned about my results, he was just worried because after I talk to candidates, he sometimes has a hard time reaching them. So we just need to work out a system so he can try to call them the same day instead of waiting a day or two.

I felt so silly thinking that I was about to be fired. I don’t think that this boss would fire me without warning or trying something else first. But in my head, I’m still thinking about all those other jobs where I was fired with no notice.

Again, like I’ve said a million times, I’m trying to focus on thinking positively and that my life is getting better every day. And I’m becoming a better employee every day and that employers should want to keep me on staff. Hopefully, one day in the future I won’t automatically think that I’m being fired when a boss wants to talk to me.

Small World (or Always Speak Positively)

This post is both a funny story and a lesson that my mom taught me when I was little.

To start with the lesson, my mom has always said that you should only speak positive and nice things about people. You never know who knows someone.

And here’s the story that reminded me of that lesson.

I was working in the office of my bosses for my recruiting job on Friday. I only work in the office about once every other week helping my bosses (who are husband and wife) organize their files. Also right now, I’m helping them pack things up as they are moving into an office building (instead of the home office that they have now). It’s not tough work at all, so a lot of the time I’m chatting with either John (my main boss) or Kris (his wife).

This past Friday I was helping Kris throw out old paperwork that they didn’t need to transfer when they move to the new office. Some of the paperwork was for the country club that they belong to. I recognized the name of the country club as a place that my second cousin, Wendy, mentioned when I was over at her house for Passover.

I mentioned to John and Kris that I thought my second cousin might belong to the same country club as they do. They asked me what my cousin’s name is and I told them. Both John and Kris had a look of shock on their faces and I asked them if they knew my second cousin.

Turns out, John dated Wendy in college and he and Kris are responsible for introducing her to her husband! They are very very close friends!

After the shock wore off, we all started to laugh. What were the chances of this?!? I showed them the picture from Passover and they told me that they were supposed to be at that Passover dinner, but they ended up having to be somewhere else.

Of course, I thought my cousin Wendy would get a kick out of hearing this story, so John sent her an email. She thought it was pretty funny as well. After I was done with work, I sent her an email myself.

And I also thought my mom would find the story awesome as well. So I gave her a call and relayed the whole thing to her. And of course, the first thing she said to me was to remind me of the lesson about always saying nice things about others.

I might not always say only nice things about people, but I do try hard to do so. And things like my bosses knowing my second cousin (and a lot of my other extended family members as well) remind me of how important it is to try even harder to never burn bridges or gossip about others.

It’s so true that it’s a small world and things will get back to people even if you don’t think people know each other.

A Little Good A Little Bad (or Maybe This Is Just How It Will Be For A While)

I feel like I’ve been pretty negative on here for a while. It’s tough when things seems to not be going your way.

I’m still fighting with the idea that I should not do the recruiting job anymore. The results from another screening I worked came in, and I’ve still never had anyone attend a screening. This isn’t good. The screenings that I worked on Sunday are this week and I should know toward the end of the week if anyone showed up. If nobody did, I’m going to take it as a clear sign that I should stop wasting my time (and the company’s since I’m clearly not a good employee). But I’m going to wait and see.

But yesterday, things took a nice turn for the positive. I still haven’t heard back from the job that told me to wait and not accept anything until they got back to me. But I’ve had other positive job related news.

I did a second interview for another job that seemed good and paid well. And they didn’t seem to have an issue with me being an actor. The only weird thing was the first interview was technically over email and the second was over the phone. I’ve never met them, but maybe this is just the way that they do things.

I also was accepted for a fun food survey. It doesn’t pay a lot, but it’s some extra cash that I’m going to get right before leaving for my trip. Every little bit helps!

And finally, I got a fun acting related gig for today! I’m going to be doing stand-in work for a promo for a network show. I’ve actually been a stand-in for this particular actor for the last set of promos that they did a few years ago. So it’s exciting that I get to do it again! It should be another fun and easy day, just like it was a few years ago.

It’s not exactly acting, but it’s closer to acting than almost anything else could be (except acting, of course). But it’s always nice to be in a room surrounded by creative types and having fun. And again, any extra money that I can get is super helpful.

Technically, my unemployment ended. I was still on an old claim of mine when I was laid off from my job. So I had to wait for that claim to end before starting a new one. I just filed my new claim today and I’m hoping that it will be accepted. But even if it does, I will not get as much in unemployment as I did before because in my second year of work I didn’t make quite as much as the first year. And your unemployment benefits are based on how much you made.

But with all the good news happening, maybe I won’t need my new unemployment claim! Maybe I’ll get a new job this week! But for now, I’m just excited that tomorrow is going to be a day spent on set and I get to be in the environment that I love!

An Interesting Start To My Unemployment (or Trying To Always Look At The Positives)

My first official day of unemployment was pretty weird. But this required a bit of going back to say what’s been going on the past few days.

On Thursday this past week, we all found out at work that there is a chance that we will not be returning for the next season. While it wasn’t completely unexpected news, it was still surprising. On Friday, I started to feel a bit off. I joked to my boss that my body was rejecting the idea of the job ending forever. I didn’t feel sick, but I didn’t feel right. Saturday I was doing worse. My stomach was killing me. I took some painkillers but it wasn’t helping. Saturday evening I made a stop to a drugstore to get some medicine my dad recommended before working a show shift. I still felt pretty off, but I made it through the 2 hour shift.

Sunday, I was miserable. I had told my parents all my symptoms (I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before but my mom is a retired pediatric nurse and my dad is a retired OB/GYN), and they said if I didn’t get better by the next day, I should call the advice nurse at my hospital and see if I could get a prescription for some antibiotics. Monday was just as bad as Sunday. I called the advice nurse at the hospital and unfortunately they couldn’t give me a prescription over the phone. I ended up going to urgent care and spending about 3 hours at the hospital.

I’m feeling almost completely better now (antibiotics really are the best!). But all through yesterday I kept on thinking that even though I was in pretty bad pain and not really able to do anything, at least I didn’t have to work.

At the hospital, the doctor who saw me offered to write me a note to turn into work (I guess some jobs require doctor’s notes?). I said I didn’t need one since I was out of work. The doctor felt so bad that I lost my job and had to deal with urgent care all within the same day. I told her that it was ok since I would rather be sick at home than at work. She couldn’t believe I was being positive and having a good attitude about it.

I wasn’t going to have a bad attitude about getting sick. This is so minor compared to what many people have to deal with. In the waiting room at urgent care, I was pretty much the healthiest one there (I wore a face mask because so many people had colds or flu-like symptoms). And while I’m not entirely grateful that I’m out of work, I know it could be worse. I do still have some work at my old job and there’s a small chance that they will need us back next season (I’m not depending on that).

I know that I’ve been working hard on focusing on positivity in the past, and I think this weekend proved that it’s starting to pay off and I’m becoming a much more positive person in general in life.

Acting Like A Duck (or Reminding Myself That Positivity Is Important)

I know I’ve had a pretty bad attitude for the past week. A lot of that has to do with being sick. I’m a big baby when I get sick like that and I definitely get into a funk. I’m almost better now, but I’m still taking some decongestants at nighttime so I can get as much sleep as possible (I’m waking up in the middle of the night out of breath because I close my mouth and try to breathe through my nose).

But this week, I’m trying to get back into the positive mindset that I want to be in. Even though my work situation is still pretty bad, I’m going to keep my head down and ignore the names my co-worker calls me throughout the day. My boss has said that the next time he hears her call me a name she’ll be fired. But my co-worker now calls me names quietly so he doesn’t hear her. And yes, I’ve thought about running a tape recorder the entire shift hoping to catch her, but when I’ve tried that in the past it didn’t pick it up.

New job prospects keep coming my way. I’ve now done 3 phone interviews for 3 different jobs. 1 job has had me do a writing test and I’m still waiting to hear if I made it to the next step. Another job has also had me do a writing test and I’ve made it to the next round, but they don’t know exactly when they will be getting to that. And I’m taking time every day to apply for more jobs so that in the near future, I can be working somewhere where I am respected and not verbally harassed during my shift.

And while I’m still dealing with a little guilt about not being near my mom while she goes through her chemo treatments, I can’t do anything about that either, so I need to get past that feeling. I talk to my mom pretty much every day, so I’m being there as much as I can. And I will see my dad this upcoming weekend so I can be supportive for him too.

And finally, the thing that really turned around my bad mood into a good mood was the 5K that I did yesterday. I will do a full recap tomorrow, but I’m beyond excited that even though the race had the killer hill, I did another 5K in under an hour!

So while sometimes it seems like everything is keeping me down, if I stay down and work hard, all that negative stuff just runs off my back and the positive stuff stays with me!

It’s Always Unexpected (or Sending Positive Energy To A Co-Worker)

So we’ve been back at work since Tuesday, and while not everyone has been at every shift, there’s been one co-worker who hasn’t been back yet. I knew he just had some dental work, and we all thought that he was recovering from that.

But yesterday, he came into work to talk to our boss about something. Then he came out and told us the news: he has liver cancer.

I’m not sharing who this is to protect his privacy (I didn’t ask him if I could blog about him). But even with this person being anonymous, I’m hoping that we can all share some positive energy his way.

When he told me the news, the next thing he wanted to talk about was my mom. He knew that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer before we all went on unemployment. And he was always asking about her and hoping for the best.

My mom is extremely lucky to have a lot of amazing people in her life. Everyone I know is sending her positive energy and healing thoughts every day. My friend Erin (who does my hair) made a donation to breast cancer research in my mom’s name this week. And my birthday twin Joanna dedicated her yoga practice one day to my mom. I know that every bit of this is helping. I’m not the sort of person to believe in prayer (I was raised very very reform Jewish and we never really went to temple), but I believe in positive thoughts and energy. And I know that it works. My mom is the proof.

I can only hope that my co-worker has the same type of people in his life. Of course I’m going to be thinking about him everyday and sending positive thoughts his way, but I know that the more people who do it the more power it has. This particular co-worker doesn’t really use the internet so I don’t really have a way to connect with him while he’s getting treatment. But I’m still going to send him positive energy even if he doesn’t know about it.

And what I’m asking of all of you is one simple thing. If you are sending positive thoughts, healing energy, or prayers to my mom; can you just add my co-worker to your thoughts? I know that you all don’t know him, but I know that he would appreciate it.

Thanks everyone.

F#*k Cancer (or Proof That My Mom Is A Badass)

There’s been something that I’ve wanted to share on here for a couple of weeks now, but I had to wait for the right time. Technically, this isn’t my news to share so I had to wait to get the ok to put it out in the world.

My mom has breast cancer.

I found out on the day of the rainy beach trip and the Reckless Love wine event. Between the beach and the event, my mom called me to give me the news. I had no idea that she had been seeing a doctor about this, so it came as a complete shock to me.

I pretty much cried for 3 days. But then I realized that crying does no good for me or my mom. So I’m working on being tough about it.

My mom had a mastectomy already. She did amazing in the surgery. The original plan was for her to be there 23 hours, but she managed to leave about an hour after the surgery was done (since I couldn’t be there that day, my mom and I FaceTimed as soon as she was in recovery). It was about a month ago.

When I was in Tahoe recently, I got to see the scar (and I think it is possibly the most awesome scar that I’ve ever seen). And my mom gets to wait until after my brother’s wedding next week to start chemo, so that’s very good news. I would hate for her to be feeling side effects of chemo during the wedding.

My mom has been so amazing since finding out. She’s taking everything in stride. She knows that she’ll lose her hair during chemo, so she already went out and got a wig that looks just like her regular hair.

When my mom put it out to all of her Facebook friends (which was the moment I was allowed to start sharing this publicly), she wrote a short note describing what’s going on. But she ended the note by saying “I did not have a choice in getting this disease, but I do have a choice to live a happy, full life everyday”.

I think that is an important message for anyone. I try to focus on staying positive all the time, even when things don’t seem to be going my way. And I’m aware that positive thinking can do wonders when you are dealing with illness. So I decided to get my mom and I matching bracelets to remind us to stay positive.

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It will be important for me to stay positive while I’m not able to be with my mom for every doctor’s appointment (which I’d like to be so I can try to understand this all). And while my mom has been super positive since the beginning, I know that with chemo and radiation ahead, she might have some tough times. So by having this bracelet on (which I wear every single day and only take off to sleep), we can focus on the good and not the bad.

While I might sound like things aren’t super wonderful with my mom right now, that’s not true. She technically does have cancer, but in the month since she’s had her mastectomy, she has done some truly badass things. Such as driving our off-road jeep (and making me bounce so hard in the seat that I came home with bruises), rowing a boat with our dog inside, numerous hikes (I can’t even think of counting them all), and won all her tennis matches since her surgery.

I know that many of you reading this don’t know my mom personally. But when I told people who do know her about her cancer, they all pretty much said the same thing. My mom is the toughest person out there. If anyone could beat cancer (and completely kick its ass), she could.

I promise to keep you all updated on my mom’s journey. The one thing everyone in my family has learned over the last month is that cancer is not a straight line journey. There will be some twists and turns. But after all the twists and turns, I can’t see anything else for my mom in the future other than beating this.

Positivity (or Maybe My Luck Is Changing)

In the past, I’ve wondered if I just have bad luck in life. I mean, lots of not so great things have happened to me that I don’t deserve. Like 2 car accidents in one week. Or my hip issues (which is something that I was born with but didn’t discover until the cartilage tore). Or having to worry about a day job (I’ve had plenty of times of unemployment that were not planned nor could I collect unemployment).

But lately, things seem to be going my way.

I had a really amazing week at my day job this week. I had a huge group sale on tickets. The commission I will get from that sale alone will almost completely pay for the deductible when I get my car fixed. I also sold tickets to one lady who has told about 50 of her friends that they all need to buy tickets from me (as long as people calling in ask for me, I get the sale). A few of her friends have called in so far, but I’m expected several more.

I was able to find a bathing suit that not only fits me, but I like! I’m pretty sure that’s a big accomplishment for anyone of any size, but for me, the task felt like it would be impossible. At least until I ordered some things online. Now I’m feeling pretty silly for stressing out over it.

I’m in a good place with my workouts right now. I’m still loving spin class (I mean, I even went on my birthday!). I’m excited to see how the workouts pay off when I go to Tahoe this weekend to see my parents. I’m not used to high elevation, so I’m expecting to have some issues with that. But hopefully I will feel stronger during the hiking and kayaking I’m planning on doing there.

And finally, I’m just all around happier right now. I’ve found that going outside my comfort zone has really allowed me to grow and become a better person. I don’t know others have noticed my increased happiness, but I have. I can mainly tell because I’m having fewer and fewer panic attacks. I still have my big triggers of needles and flying and I doubt those will ever go away. But even the big triggers aren’t affecting me as much as they used to. I’m flying tomorrow and usually by now, I have to start taking my medication to calm me down. I haven’t had to do that yet (I’ll probably starting taking them tonight so I don’t have a crazy panic attack on the plane).

So maybe all those years I was complaining about having bad luck I was bringing it onto myself. I don’t know if having a more positive mindset has changed my luck for the better, but either way, I’m planning on keeping the positivity in and the negativity out.

Daily Affirmations (or A Free App Recommendation)

I’ve been doing affirmations for years. However it hasn’t been something I do regularly even though I’ve seen positive results with them.

I started doing affirmations before auditions in 2007. I took a weekend intensive class with Renita, who is a casting director. She gave us all a CD of declarations to listen to before any major acting moment (audition, callback, heading to set for a big job). I put the declarations on my iPhone and have listened to them every time I’m driving to an actor related meeting or job. I normally listen to it one time, saying all the declarations out loud, and then I change it up and listen to positive music to keep me in a good mindset.

I’ve found that I’m less nervous and more secure in my acting choices since doing this. Even if I’m not booking every job, I’m making a better impression in each office now, so hopefully they’ll bring me back for more auditions.

Well, the other day I was looking for some new apps to put on my iPhone, and I came across the Daily Affirmations app. It was free, so I downloaded it without thinking twice.

And I’m so glad that I did! Each day, you have a new affirmation to look at. What you do with it is your choice. You can say them out loud, write them down somewhere, or just read them for a minute (like I do).

And I really enjoy the affirmations that have been coming up for me so far.

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I highly recommend checking this app out (it’s free so why not?).

I don’t know if I’ll do something more involved with these affirmations like I do with my actor declarations, but I can always do that later. For now, I’m enjoying taking a moment each day to read something that really is positive to help me get off to a great start for the day.

Getting Mentored (or Wanting to Have Positivity Around Me)

I joined Women in Film last year during one of their membership drives. Honestly, when I joined, I wasn’t sure what I wanted out of the membership. At the time, I was at an old job where I only worked Monday-Wednesday, so I had time to attend a couple of events. But what sparked my interest the most was their mentoring program.

The mentoring program then was a one on one program where everyone got matched up with someone in the industry. They might not have been in the same part of the industry as you, but that’s a good thing in my mind. A bunch of my friends and I all applied for the program in January. And then we waited.

Out of the 6 friends that I know who applied, only 1 got a mentor. The rest of us didn’t hear anything.

Well, it turns out, way more people applied this year than expected, so they changed up the program for the future. Now, we are going to be in mentoring circles with 9 or 10 mentees and 1 mentor.

Personally, I’m super excited about the change. I think that it will be amazing.

Since there were so many of us who applied in January who didn’t get matched, Women in Film hosted a get together for us this week. It was a little party to say thank you for being patient and an opportunity to mingle with other mentees and some of the mentors.

This event was exactly what I needed. There are far too many negative people in this industry. People try to put you down or make you feel less so that they feel more. There are so many scams out there that seem legitimate. But this event was all positive people who just want to help look out for one another and make sure that we all can succeed together.

There are very few industry places where I feel this much positivity. Being a member of The Actors’ Network is like this too (if you aren’t a member of that organization yet and want to check it out, there are 2 free orientations left this year). I feel like I need to be a more active participant with this positive groups to outweigh all the negativity out there. It’s tough with the job right now. I need to find a way to balance working so late 3 nights a week and trying to attend events. But whenever I do make it, I feel like I’m recharging my batteries and I’m ready to go out and battle whatever I encounter out there.