Tag Archives: job

Knowing My Limitations (or Going Easy On Myself)

I’ve struggled a lot with my limitations and how much I can do. This isn’t just workout related (although that is a big part of things), it’s also about scheduling myself and not getting overwhelmed. It’s so easy for me to think that I can do 100 things in a day and then get upset when I only get 10 of them done. There’s so much I feel like I should get done every day and there are days where it’s suddenly 8pm and I feel like I’ve done nothing at all.

I’m like that with my day jobs. I work really hard at getting both of my main day jobs done each day. Many days I can to both at the same time (working one in between the customer calls/chats at the other), but sometimes there’s just no way to make that happen. That’s fine and I know most people can’t work more than one job at a time, but it’s still frustrating when that’s how I imagine my schedule to go that day. I’m working harder and harder at creating backup plans for myself, but I sometimes get upset when I realize that there’s no way to complete both jobs at the time I expected. It’s really childish that is upsetting me, but I guess I’m just so used to having a set schedule and things ending exactly at the time I expected them to. That’s the benefit of having a job with a set schedule instead of one that is on my own time. But the jobs on my own time are the ones with the flexibility I need so those are better for me.

It’s the same thing with clothes and shoes. I really want to be able to wear cute things, but sometimes that can’t happen. Some of it is due to the clothes I want to wear not coming in my size (which is so annoying!) and some of it is how it fits on me. I know that everyone probably has this problem, but I hate when I see something in a catalog or online on someone my size but it doesn’t look right on me. It’s the main reason that I really don’t do online shopping (except for my workout clothes). Or there are tons of cute shoes that I’d love to wear but I can’t because of my hip issues. I’m trying to find cute shoes that are more “comfort” style shoes, and fortunately many companies make super cute comfort shoes. I’ve been struggling with what I will wear to Rayshell’s wedding. I didn’t want to wear the same dress I’ve worn to several weddings and I actually found something online at Target and it fit me perfectly. But now I’m stressed out about what shoes to wear. Sometimes I feel like I just want to collapse and cry when I can’t figure out how to do what I want.

This has been an issue for me for a long time, but lately it’s been getting worse. I’m not exactly sure what brought it on. But I am taking on more projects (day job and acting related) that take up time. And I have more events where I need cute outfits. And I feel like I should be making progress with my fitness because I work so hard and then I have a setback or don’t make progress at all. I’m sure I’m just in a slump right now, but it’s not fun at all.

I’m really trying to figure out better ways to set myself up for success. I’m doing  a lot more planning in my life right now. Planning out my day more specifically than I have in the past allows me to find where I have extra time to get things done that I haven’t been able to complete when I thought I would. And I’m working on closet planning to be able to put together more outfits and see what I have and not focus on what I want to get for a specific event. I think that having more organization in that sense will help me find some peace in what is stressing me out lately. And if it doesn’t bring me peace, hopefully it will allow me to pinpoint exactly what is bringing on the stress and frustration so I can work on that specific issue and not the issue in whole.

Getting Out Of A Funk (or A Phone Call Can Change My Mood)

I’ll admit that I’ve been in a bit of a bad mood the past few days. It’s never fun being in a bad mood, but it’s been tough to escape.

First of all, I’ve been dealing with some health issues. I’ve had gallbladder issues for a while. I have a family history of gallstones and people getting their gallbladder out. I’ve had gallstones for a while and have been told that I should get my gallbladder out eventually, but I haven’t done it yet. My attacks haven’t been frequent enough to significantly bother me and I really don’t want to undergo a surgery. I used to have attacks once a month or so, but I haven’t had an attack in a while.

Then I had one. And while it was awful, I just figured that it happened and I would get another one soon. Then I got another. And another. I’ve had 3 gallbladder attacks this month. I know I should probably go to the doctor to check things out, but these attacks are not as bad as some in the past. All of them have lasted under 10 minutes (compared to hours with them in the past), so I’m hoping that maybe it was just bad luck that I got them back to back.

I’ve also had a bit of a depression regarding paying my taxes this year. 2015 was the first year that all of my income was 1099. I knew that I had to save for my taxes and I did save about 30% of what I made. I also kept track of all of my receipts and mileage and I think I did some amazing record keeping. I’m seeing a new tax preparer this year who specialized in entertainment industry taxes at the end of February and I’m hoping that I have saved enough money to pay everything I owe. Once I know that, my stress level will go down significantly. But until that appointment, it will be a bit of a dark cloud over my head.

And finally, I’m just stressed about work and scheduling. I’ve got a lot coming up and so many of my weekends are jam-packed already. I know that I can get through it, but I have to get through it.

But yesterday, I got some good news about the film festival I work for. I can’t share anything yet, but there may be some very exciting things with the festival coming up soon. Even though nothing is definite (and it won’t necessarily happen any time soon), knowing that it’s a possibility really improved my mood and gave me a nice positive boost in my life. I need to be reminded why I’m working my butt off so hard sometimes. It can be frustrating when all it seems I do are day jobs and I don’t do anything toward my career. And while the film festival isn’t necessarily the career path I’m on, it’s something I love and something that makes me happy. If I spend the rest of my life running the film festival and then auditioning when I can, I would be ecstatic. The festival doesn’t feel like a job to me. Hopefully, in the future the film festival will be my day job but that will take a lot of work and a lot of other factors that I don’t control. But it can be nice to dream.

I’m glad that while my week wasn’t so great, I’m ending it on a good note and am going into the weekend feeling much better about my situation than I have in a while. It’s a good reminder that when you feel like things aren’t going your way, one little thing is all it takes to change that around.

A Busy Halloween (or Dressing As A Box Office Employee)

I love having fun on Halloween, and I had been looking forward to the party that my friends throw for months! I knew I’d have to work on Halloween morning from 8-11 for my at home box office job, but I then found out that I would need to be working at my other random box office job not only on Halloween but the next day as well. So my plans for doing a fun costume ended because I knew that I’d be working a lot that day and wouldn’t want to change after work before going to the party. And I knew that my time at the party would be limited since I’d have to work the next day (and even though the clocks “fell back” I needed to get up early in the morning).

My jobs went pretty easily. The first job was a bit busy with everyone hoping to get into the sold out Halloween shows, but since we cannot add seats to shows all my customer calls were pretty fast. The second box office job was a bit crazier since it was a sold out show and we had to make sure that everyone sat in their assigned seats, but overall it went pretty smoothly.

I don’t have to dress fancy for the random box office job, just nice casual. So that evening I was wearing jeans, a nice top, and some boots. And I had a headband with cat ears on it that I added to my outfit when I got to Chris and Marie’s house.

Halloween Costume

Not the most creative outfit, but I joked to everyone that my outfit was “box office employee” and everyone understood that I was coming straight from work.

Marie and Chris really outdid themselves this year with the party. The house and backyard were themed to Jurassic Park. They had lots of dinosaur themed things around including cardboard dinosaurs stalking the party.

Jurassic Park

They even made a jeep with a t-rex chasing in the background. They made sure that the side mirrors had a picture of a t-rex in them too!

Jurassic Park Photo

Of course, I had to take advantage of that amazing photo opportunity to have a great party picture!

Halloween Photo

Even without being in a decent costume, I still had a great time on Halloween. Getting to hang out with my friends is always fun and I loved seeing all the creative costumes everyone came up with (I didn’t stay for the costume contest so I don’t have pictures of the winners). Even though this is a very competitive group with costumes, nobody judges anyone for showing up without a costume. So even though I felt bad for my lack of costume, nobody really cared.

I don’t have a ton of stories about the Halloween party because it really was just a fun hangout with everyone. Some of the people at these parties are people I only see at the parties so I tried to make sure I take the time to catch up and socialize with them. And since I had to leave before it got too late (because I was tired, had to work the next morning, and I wanted to get on the road before too many people thought about driving drunk), I didn’t do much more than hang out.

The next great party that should be at Chris and Marie’s will be the New Years Eve party (unless a scheduling issue comes up and they can’t have that party). And after that will be the Oscars party where I know I want to have an amazing costume. But even though those parties are a few months away, I have the awesome photos from Halloween to look at and make me smile until then.

Restoring My Computer (or Glad For A Backup)

I’ve had my computer for close to 6 years now. That may not seem like a lot, but considering how much I use it every day (I have to do multiple jobs on my computer every week), it’s pretty impressive how long it’s lasted. I’ve been pretty good about trying to update things as they come up and making sure that I clean out old files when I can. And of course, I have an external hard drive always attached that backs up my laptop on a very regular basis.

The other day after work, I got an alert that there was an update ready for my computers. I checked the reviews online first to make sure the update was good and compatible with my computer. And once it all looked good I started the download.

The actual download of the update went fine, but when my computer rebooted and tried to install the update everything went wrong. It froze on the update and no matter how many times I tried to restart my computer it wouldn’t budge.

Finally after an hour or so of restarting I got my computer up and running again but everything was gone. There were no settings, no photos, no documents, and no downloaded apps on my computer. It was like it came straight out of the box (or more like straight out of the box 6 years ago because it was using the operating system that came with the computer when it was new).

After a minor freak out and google search on my phone on how to restore my computer from my backups, I finally got the restoration process started.

Computer Restore

Restoring my computer took about 6 hours and then resetting the last few things on it took another hour or so. I was up all night making sure that this worked because I knew that I had to work in the morning and if my computer wasn’t working I’d have to figure out how to fix it before 10am.

This entire problem was resolved pretty simply (I’m very lucky), but it made me realize how reliant I am on my computer. Obviously, I need it for work but it also has all my photos on it. And while I feel pretty good that my backup is reliable, it still terrified me that all my things might be gone.

I’m not going to try to update my computer again. I’m worried that I’ll have this issue again and I’m planning on getting a new laptop in December or January. While this laptop does an ok job, I need more storage for photos and files and it’s getting very slow and glitchy (in order to open my web browser I usually have to attempt to open it 5 or 6 times and force quit it until it works).

I know that a new computer is a really big expense and probably considered a luxury. And people may think I should buy the cheapest computer I can to save money. But those cheaper computers seem to not last as long and I won’t be able to do all the fun things that I use my computer for (editing photos, collage projects, syncing with my phone the same way). To me, it’s worth spending the extra money in order to make sure I have a computer that is good and will last me at least another 5 years.

I’m getting very excited for a new computer because I know it will work really nicely, but I’m already starting to think about how I will transfer all my data from one computer to the other. My mom is also looking at a new computer (her computer is as old or older than mine) and I want to be able to help her too.

I’m doing so much planning for this purchase that won’t happen for another month or two. But there’s nothing wrong about getting excited for something that should make my life much easier!

How Is This Year Almost Over? (or Doing A Check In On My Goals)

I was on the phone with a friend the other day and it came up that this year is over in 2 months. I know I say this every year but it’s crazy how fast the year is going by! It feels like my birthday was just a few weeks ago!

I’m not the type of person to do quarterly check ins with my goals (so many friends are trying to get me to do this and I’m thinking about maybe doing it next year), but with 2 months left I did want to see how I’m doing with what I set as goals for this year.

My first goal was to do 175 workouts at Orangetheory this year. Not counting the workout I’ll be doing today, I’m at 142 workouts. I’m very much on track to hit my goal, but I need to get back to 4 workouts a week soon so I make sure that I get there. But it’s very possible and I’m really happy with myself that I’ve gotten this close so far.

My next goal was having at least 4 home cooked dinners a week. This one I’m not doing so great with. If you could microwaved dinners as home cooked (I don’t), then I’m doing amazing. But I’ve really gotten out of my cooking trend that I was in for so long and I’m struggling to get back in to. A lot of that has to do with working one of my jobs on the weekends when I used to do meal prepping or knowing that I won’t be at home many nights a week. This is a scheduling issue that I’m always working on and I know that I need to make it a better priority in life.

Next on my list was getting down to 2 main day jobs. This one I actually did! I now have my box office from home job (which I’ve been at for over a year) as one of those main jobs and my data entry job with my old boss as my other main day job. I also have my sporadic jobs (babysitting, the film festival, my weekend box office job with an old boss), but I’m definitely down to 2 main day jobs. I have to admit that I’m shocked that I accomplished this one since it was the hardest one in my mind. I’m now looking at some other day jobs with more flexibility (my main box office job isn’t as flexible as I’d like it to be), but I’m very happy for now with the 2 main jobs I have and I’m super grateful to have them both.

Getting into an improv class was checked off the list last week when I started at UCB and I’ll be doing those classes for 6 more weeks. Again, I’m super shocked that I got this done because I’ve been wanting to do it for a while and haven’t had the chance or money to do so.

I haven’t been able to travel a lot this year. I’ve gone to San Diego a bunch and I went to Napa earlier in the year, but I was really hoping to do another New York trip this fall. There were schedule and financial issues with doing that trip, but it’s looking like it might be in the works for 2016.

And my final goal (as it always has been) was to keep blogging. I’ve had people ask me how long I can keep up blogging 5 days a week every week and I’m happy that I haven’t quit doing that yet. There may come a day in the future that I miss a day or that I decide to go down in the number of posts a week. But I’m still happy with my schedule as it is and it seems that you all like reading my posts too.

So that’s my almost the end of the year check in with my 2015 goals. They aren’t all done yet, but I’m making huge steps and progress so far and I feel like on December 31st I will be looking back and realizing that I got most or all of my goals accomplished for the year.

Trying To Go With The Flow (or Staying Calm And Remembering To Breathe)

I hate when I have a bad day. Obviously, everyone hates bad days, but I feel like my bad days take it to an epic new level. And when that happens, I get sucked into how bad it is and feel like I can’t dig out of the hole of awfulness.

This past Tuesday was one of those epically bad days. It didn’t start off too bad. Work got off to a good start, but then it just took a direct downhill turn. The majority of my shift I felt pretty horrible and really debated if I want to stay at my job anymore or if it’s time for me to move on. To be honest, I’m still debating this issue. I don’t really get time off at my job and when I have taken time off it’s made me feel guilty because my co-workers have to cover my share of the work. There are more and more things and opportunities that I’d love to do, but they happen during my work time. I have no intention of leaving my job anytime soon, but I’m also not going to ignore options that come my way.

The worst part of my work shift that day was the last customer I had to work with. It wasn’t the customer’s fault at all. They needed a confirmation resent to them, but it didn’t appear that the type of order they placed could have been done. I got this customer the last minute of my shift and I ended up working 30 minutes after closing trying to figure out their situation. One of my co-workers stayed on too and was a huge help, but we still had to manually search through every city that our show runs in and never found their order (it ended up being an error on the location’s side so there was no way we could have helped the customer).

After working 30 minutes late, I was late for my next thing which was a meeting with my therapist. It was a pretty standard check in appointment and we’ve decided to continue on the dosage of Vyvanse that I’m currently on. He re-wrote my prescription and I was on my way.

Once I got to the hospital to get my refill, I found out that my doctor forgot to write today’s date on the refill order (since it’s a controlled medication, I need to have a handwritten refill request every time). I wish I could have just gone outside and added the date or shown them the bill from seeing my therapist, but they needed an entirely new refill request.

Of course, because of traffic, there was no way I could drive all the way back to my therapist to get another form. So I called and asked if one could be ready for me to pick up another time. I did manage to go at 7am yesterday and got the new form, but now they are out of the medication at the hospital and it will take at least 4 days before I can get my medication (I’ll run out before then).

After that day, I was ready to just sit and home and be in a funk. And that’s exactly what I did. I felt like nothing was going to go right with my day so I didn’t want to bother. And fortunately, I didn’t have anything else that was urgent to do that day, so I could indulge in my bad mood.

I’m lucky that it seems like these epically bad days only last one day (except for the fact that yesterday they ran out of my prescription at the hospital and I can’t get it refilled for a few days). I’m totally in a better mood now. I wish that I could control how I deal with bad days better, but I don’t think that I handle them horribly. I just want to be able to get out of the funk prior to going to bed for the night.

Busy Busy Busy (or Triple Job Day)

Most of the time, I have a pretty low-key situation with my job (or jobs). With my two main jobs, I can pretty much work them at the same time. I do my data entry between my customers at the box office job. It’s not always easy to juggle it, but I make it work.

Then of course there are the days that my box office job is insanely busy and I have no time for the data entry job. I then either have to not work the data entry job that day (not a big deal since I can only work that job 12 hours a week) or I have to work after my box office job is done for the day. It’s not a horrible situation and I still consider myself so lucky that I’ve found these two jobs (and the combined money between the two of them is almost enough to pay my bills!).

I’m trying not to get overwhelmed on the days that it’s super busy, but lately I’ve struggled with that. The combination of a lot of customers, lots of either repetitive questions or questions I can’t help with, and the heat have made me cranky and I don’t want my customers to know about that. I keep videos of puppies playing up on YouTube in the background to watch when I need to calm down.

The other day, I was asked by my old boss to help him at his job. I’ve done phone calls for him as well as some day-of box office work. But this time he needed me to help him stuff envelopes.

I wasn’t really looking forward to it. I knew I’d be working my 2 jobs earlier in the day and it was hot (and that office has no a/c), but I needed the extra money. So after working a double day, I drove over to Venice to work my 3rd job of the day.

At first, it was a bit annoying doing the work. It’s busy work and very repetitive. But then I decided to get my phone and headphones out and listen to some podcasts while I worked. Between the podcast entertainment and the repetitive action of stuffing envelopes I started to relax and calm down. I had to pay attention to what I was doing because each envelope had a different paper that needed to go inside, but it was still a job that I was able to just focus on what I had to do and let the rest of my mind drift.

After working those 3 hours, I felt so much calmer than I did before. It’s not something that I’d want to do every day, but stuffing those envelopes that day was really the perfect thing for me to do. It’s nice that while I wasn’t looking forward to the job before I got there, it was exactly what I needed in my day (plus, the extra money doesn’t hurt!).

I’ve been trying to find ways to separate my mind from work when the work day is done. I thought that I had it worked out well, but I’ve now realized that it’s not totally what I need. When I go to work out, that’s a perfect separation of when it’s work time and when it’s fun time. And on the other days I try to do some sort of errand (even if it’s just going to the store or post office) as soon as my box office shift is done to help my mind realize that work is over (if I stay at my computer I wouldn’t feel like it’s done). I’ve realized now that just going to the store after work might not be enough to create separation for me. I need to work on figuring out what would work best for me. Workouts work well, but I’m not sure if I can work out every day.

If any of you work from home, I’d really appreciate your suggestions on how to separate work life from regular life!

Work Work Work (or Another Very Part Time Job)

I’ve been pretty stable with my work lately. I’ve got my box office job and my research job. While I’m almost making enough money, I haven’t wanted to find anything else that is regular hours because I’m scared of getting burnt out.

I had worked very briefly for my old boss (sadly, that gig didn’t work out due to timing and resources). That job wasn’t going to be more than the time I was there so I wasn’t expecting too much. Then he called me to help with a one time gig doing some concession sales at a screening.

After working the concessions, he asked if I’d be down to work some box office hours for him at future screenings. I said sure because during the screenings I can just sit in the lobby and read (and get paid for it). And this past Sunday was my first shift.

I had some work to do prior to the shift like getting the box office materials from my boss and making a Costco run to pick up things for the concession stand. But even with the prep work, I was still so nervous when I got to the theater on Sunday. I was in charge of the box office, and even though I had some student workers helping me there, I really felt thrown in. I didn’t pay attention to what was happening the last time I was there because I was so busy selling concessions. So I tried to stay positive and know that the student workers would be there to support me and not try to make me fail.

The shift went pretty well. I had a couple of minor issues to deal with and one pretty big one, but I think that most of the guests there felt like it ran smoothly. And the student workers helping me were really amazing and understood how frazzled I felt and really tried hard to make things easy on me (or show me where things were supposed to go if I put them in the wrong place).

And it was pretty easy during the screening. I enjoyed reading my book and while I was working for 6 hours, I really only “worked” for about 2.5 hours. I was pretty nervous during the screening that someone would come rushing out and be very upset about something, but beyond some people asking if we could turn down the air conditioning there were no complaints.

I’ll be working at another screening this coming weekend and I’ve got a couple of other screenings booked over the next few months. This won’t be something that will make me a ton of money, but any extra money is good money to me right now!

Working on Budgeting (or Spending Money To Save Money)

I’ve been trying to find a way to help make paying my credit card debt easier. And at the same time, I’ve been working on figuring out the best way to create a budget.

I’ve been able to make a really basic budget by listing all the expenses that I know that I have every month (rent, utilities, online subscriptions). So I know what the minimum I need to make each month in order to survive (I’m almost there). But knowing how much money I need to make to pay essential bills doesn’t really help me for budgeting things that change from month to month like groceries, shopping, gas, and other expenses. Those seem really tough for me to budget for because I try my best to set aside a certain amount for it but things come up and then my entire budget falls apart. My system doesn’t allow for flexibility and unexpected expenses.

And I’ve tried lots of budgeting ideas and systems in the past. The big problem that I’ve found with almost all systems is that they were designed for someone with steady income. That’s not something that I have. While my box office job is pretty steady with my weekly pay (that would only change if I’m missing lots of hours that I can’t make up), my research job and babysitting work is not as stable. So I needed to figure out how freelancers budget (even though I’m not a freelancer).

I was searching around online and happened to come across You Need A Budget. This is totally going to sound like I’m being paid to say all this, but I swear that this is all my opinion and I’m not getting anything out of it (unless YNAB would like to give me a copy of the software for free!).

I’m in the middle of a free trial, but so far I’m loving this budgeting system. It really works for someone who has more random income. Basically every single purchase and deposit is recorded. You set aside how much you’d like to spend in categories like bill, savings, debt, and anything else you want and then you put in how much you have spent of each one. The idea is that while you may start out by using this month’s pay to pay this month’s bills, eventually the money you make one month will be going toward the bills you will have in the future (which will end the paycheck to paycheck lifestyle).

This might not really be helping me pay down my credit card debt, but it is helping me work on a budget and figure out where I can spend money that makes sense. And hopefully one day I can start working toward putting money away for the future and other things like vacations. But for now, the main plan for me is to figure out a realistic budget and to see if there is more money that I can be putting toward my debt and not toward things that really aren’t needed.

Like I said, right now, I’m doing a free trial of this system. But I’m pretty sure that I’ll be paying for it when my trial ends (I think it’s about $60). But I’d love to hear from any of you who also use You Need A Budget so I can figure out more tricks and tips to maximize the system and really get serious about figuring out my money situation.

Update: Since posting this blog, I have decided to spend the money to keep the YNAB software after the free trial. It’s really awesome. If you want to buy it, you can use this link for 10% off!

Feeling Secure (or Not Letting Past Jobs Make Me Feel Bad Anymore)

I’ve always had confidence issues with my day jobs. I’m not quite sure what set it off to begin with. The after school jobs I had in high school and college were fine (although my high school job did expose me to TB but that wasn’t too much of an issue). And while it’s always tough to find good day jobs, I’ve found several that work out for me.

But for as long as I can remember, if a boss at a day job wanted to talk to me, I was so sure that I was being let go or I did something horribly wrong.

I have had some horrible day jobs, but nothing that made them horrible was something that I brought on to myself. I had one boss who was very verbally abusive and threatened me when I questioned something that turned out to be insurance fraud. I left that job after my boss said that I really should die (and sadly, I never reported anything because I didn’t know that I should). I’ve had bosses who were awesome for a week or two, but then required me to take a class at a place of worship for me to continue working for them. I’m fine with continuing education, but I don’t want to be forced to take the class inside of someone’s church. And I’ve had bosses who were just outright mean to me and talked about my weight loudly behind my back so I could hear it.

Even though I didn’t deserve any of those things to happen to me, somehow I have it in my head that it is my fault. I’ve compared myself to a puppy who came from an abusive situation and is now in a good home. I don’t know how to react with good things and I’m always assuming that I’m doing something bad.

I’ve been pretty lucky with my box office job. Even though I work alone in my house, I do get feedback from time to time. My manager lets me know when things are going well and when I have to email different locations about things, I do get praised for taking initiative.

With my new job, it’s a little more difficult and easier at the same time. It’s easier because I used to work for this boss before and she knows my confidence issues with work. She’s happy to reassure me that I’m doing the right thing and knows that I’m very paranoid about it all. But it’s more difficult because there is less feedback because so much of this job is creating the procedure to get things done. So there’s really no way to know if I’m doing things “right” or not until we figure out that it isn’t working.

Because I’m finally feeling more comfortable that I’m not going to be fired tomorrow at either of my day jobs (seriously, I’ve felt like that every day for forever), I’m trying to readjust my feelings and thoughts about day jobs. This is not just a situation where I’m working because I need a job. The companies I work for need me too. I’m a valuable employee and not disposable (although I have had people in the past say that I am always going to be a disposable employee).

Hopefully by rebuilding my day job confidence I can just do better in my work and be able to focus at the tasks I need to get done and not have to worry about if I will still be working tomorrow.