Tag Archives: fear

Doing My Best To Stay Calm (or At Least I’ll Have A Longer Break Between Appointments This Time)

Posted on April 20, 2023 | Comments Off on Doing My Best To Stay Calm (or At Least I’ll Have A Longer Break Between Appointments This Time)

I honestly can’t remember a time when I wasn’t dealing with a lot of anxiety around going to the dentist. I’m sure as a kid I wasn’t as bad as I am now, but I don’t think I’ve ever really been ok going in. I know I do what I should do for my teeth, but genetics really haven’t been on my side and I’ve had so many issues with my teeth. And combining that with a few really bad dentist appointments that really went wrong, I think my anxiety is never going to fully go away. I’ll admit that it has gotten better over time, but I’m always so stressed as I’m going into an appointment.

My last appointment didn’t go as well as they normally do. It wasn’t horrible, but things just took longer and things weren’t as easy as I’ve gotten used to. There are a couple of reasons why this might have happened, but after that appointment, I really told myself I needed to be better about making sure I do everything I could for my teeth. I mainly use a water flosser because I do better with that than normal floss, but I knew I needed to try to use regular floss more often. And I’m not always good about brushing my teeth after eating lunch, but I made an effort to try to do that when I could. Sometimes when I don’t really eat lunch, but instead I eat a snack over a long period of time, that’s not as simple to do. But even a little extra effort can always make a difference.

I felt somewhat hopeful when going into my appointment earlier this week, but I was still shaking as I was walking into the building and waiting in the waiting room. And I wasn’t calming down when I got brought back for my appointment. I feel bad because I know I look mean and a bit rude at the beginning of my appointments, but it’s just me trying to stay calm. I know if I talk too much or think too much about it, my panic attacks will hit me. So I just try to stay quiet and get things started so I can get them over with.

Fortunately, I was right and this appointment went a lot better than the last one. It was easy for me to get through and I had to really focus on trying to not shake too much, but at least I didn’t get any bad news and things went quickly because there wasn’t a lot that had to be done. And because of the timing of when my appointments have been, I was almost due to get new x-rays. But I asked if that could wait until my next appointment because I knew I wanted to be a bit more mentally prepared for that since that can also bring up bad news like fillings that need to be done. Since I’m not experiencing any pain or weird symptoms, my dentist allowed me to wait until just after I’m due for x-rays to get the next set. I know that my next appointment will be a bit more panic-inducing because I know those will be coming up, but I’ll just have to deal with that when it happens.

And I’m a little extra nervous on top of that for my next appointment because I’m actually not going back for 6 months. For a long time, I went to the dentist every 3 or 4 months because of the issues I had. But things have been a lot better over the last few appointments, even with the worse appointment last time, and my dentist said we can switch to me coming in every 6 months. I’m a little hesitant about that since I know that waiting longer could mean that things won’t be as good, but hopefully all the effort I put in at home will continue to pay off and it won’t be as bad as I fear. And if that appointment doesn’t go that well, I can always go back to every 4 months to keep things easier on me.

So I’m excited that I don’t have to deal with being this scared again for 6 months, but I know it won’t be the easiest appointment since there will be x-rays and it’s going to be a bit of an unknown. But hopefully, this last appointment going well is a good omen and things won’t be as bad as I think they might be.

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Enough Is Enough (or I Don’t Know What To Write)

Posted on March 31, 2023 | Comments Off on Enough Is Enough (or I Don’t Know What To Write)

I have written about school shootings and other mass shootings a few times here. I don’t like to write about it because I don’t know what to say that hasn’t been said. And I have been lucky because I haven’t been personally affected by a shooting or have had any friends or family in one. There have been close calls, such as a friend who was supposed to be at the Las Vegas music festival but had to stay home because they were sick. But at this point, being in my situation is a rarity.

And every time there is a shooting, we seem to repeat the same pattern. So many people say they want common sense gun reform such as making sure that people who buy guns are mentally stable and of age (similar to what is required to drive a car) or banning assault rifles. And banning assault rifles isn’t something new. This was the policy until it expired. And after it expired, the number of mass shootings increased so much. I will admit I didn’t quite understand why assault rifles were so much worse than regular guns as I’m not a gun owner. But this interactive article from the Washington Post details how injuries from these guns differ.

And then there are some people and politicians who feel like a mass shooting means we need more guns or believe that any policies on gun ownership are against the second amendment. The second amendment also says that it should be within a well-regulated militia. I think being well-regulated should mean that guns are not a free for all and are regulated. And we’ve seen shootings where there are others at that location with a gun and it’s been proven that a good guy with a gun does not mean they could stop a shooting. Some people who have guns are not trained and they could cause additional deaths or injuries. We’ve seen examples of school shootings where armed security on campus didn’t stop things or when dozens of police officers are just sitting and waiting while a gunman is inside causing damage. I don’t know if they were waiting because they were scared or if they felt there was another reason why they shouldn’t help, but if having dozens of trained professionals with guns doesn’t stop the deaths, I don’t know how even more guns would help. I’ve heard people say we need 4-5 armed security officers at every school to keep kids safe, but who is going to pay for that? Schools don’t have money to buy supplies or have a full staff, so where will these millions or billions come from? The people who say that will say anything other than common sense gun control, even though it appears the majority of the country wants that.

And I understand that not everyone with a gun is a risky person. There are people who keep their guns locked up and not in the reach of anyone who shouldn’t have it. And those people tend to agree about putting in regulations to keep everyone safer. If someone has a mental illness where they seem to want to do harm to others or if they have a violent history such as domestic violence, I don’t feel like they should have free access to guns and most people I know agree with me. And if someone is a gun owner and they don’t properly store those guns and minors get access to them, I think those parents should have some sort of penalty for that. To me, these seem so basic.

I don’t know if I will ever understand the people who feel like gun deaths mean that we need more guns. Or those who say it’s a mental health issue and not a gun issue but they vote for politicians who want to restrict mental health access. I also don’t agree that it’s just a mental health issue. Mental health is not exclusive to this country, but no other country has shootings as frequently as we do. This is an issue with multiple reasons, and if we refuse to fix just one of them then the issue will continue. If we only help with mental health but still give free access to guns for all, shootings will still happen. And if the regulations are only limited to certain states, this will not help either. People use mass shootings in states with regulations as an example of why those regulations don’t work. But when you look into the weapons used in those incidents, often they were acquired legally in another state and they brought them in.

I feel like I am writing what everyone is saying and not adding anything new to the conversation. But I also don’t want to be a silent bystander when this has become so overwhelming. Sending kids to school shouldn’t be considered risky behavior. Kids shouldn’t have to do active shooter drills just like we do earthquake or fire drills. I’ve heard from friends about how things like light-up shoes are too risky for their kids to wear to school because if they are hiding from a shooter they might be discovered. I do have hope that maybe there will be a change in the future as the generations that grew up with these fears start to vote and run for political office. But it also shouldn’t be up to them to change things when we have the ability to change them now.

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Getting Used To A New Dentist Routine (or This Wasn’t The Appointment I Expected)

Posted on January 8, 2020 | Comments Off on Getting Used To A New Dentist Routine (or This Wasn’t The Appointment I Expected)

I’ve only had my new dentists for a short period of time, so things are still new to me. I had my old dentist for a long time and that routine and process were familiar to me. It still didn’t help with my fear of the dentist, but at least I knew what to expect. I figured with the new dentists that it would take some time because they were also figuring out their plan. What I might have experienced at my first appointment might not be what they continue to do. So when I went in for my cleaning this week, I knew that things might be different. I just wasn’t expecting how things ended up going.

In the past, I would have my cleanings 3 times a year and at one of those appointments, I would have the full exam with the dentist along with x-rays. But because of how the new dentists run things, and since they are the ones that assist with all the cleanings, now all my cleanings will have an exam too. I won’t be doing x-rays every time, but I’ll probably have them more often.

Whenever I have a cleaning, and even more when I have an exam, I’m worried that something will be discovered with my teeth. It’s happened so many times and I know that it will continue to happen in the future. But I try my best to make sure I do everything I can for my teeth. But because of having genetically bad teeth, I know that I can’t prevent everything. And I will always have problems with my teeth discovered that will need to be fixed.

And unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened at this appointment.

While doing the exam, my dentist discovered 2 spots that weren’t quite cavities yet but would become cavities if I didn’t get them taken care of soon. They would need to be drilled and filled just like cavities and there was nothing I could do to fix them on my own. It’s exactly what I’m afraid will happen and honestly, it is probably what keeps me fearful of the dentist.

My dentist gave me a few options about what to do about them. I obviously wanted to fix them, and she said they could do it in that appointment so I wouldn’t have to come back another day. And because of where they were on my teeth and how small they were, I probably wouldn’t need any numbing medications. I wasn’t sure about that, but I was willing to give it a try. So we did both the cleaning and the fillings at the same time.

We did the first part of the cleaning before doing the drilling. Even though my dentist is new, she is very aware of how bad my fear is and she was trying to do everything she could to make the appointment better for me. She promised that if the drilling hurt too much that she could numb me, but she really wanted to try without it because she didn’t think I would need it. And she said that the drilling would only be about 20 seconds between both spots.

I wasn’t sure that she was right that I could do it without any numbing medications, but I promised to try. And there was only a split second that I felt anything. And what I did feel wasn’t too painful, it was just like an intense cleaning. And then the drilling was done. I think the worst part was that there is a burning smell after they do the drilling. But that’s nothing. It made me wonder about how bad all my other appointments with fillings were and maybe the worst part was getting numb.

The spots were quickly filled and they used the light to cure them and then the dentist did the rest of the cleaning with polishing my teeth. That’s it. I was done with the entire thing in under an hour which was crazy! I was expecting it to be much longer, especially since they were adding in the fillings. But they were super efficient and I really appreciate that. Anything that makes my time at the dentist faster makes me feel better about it.

I’ll have my next appointment in 4 months, which is normal for me. And now I know it will be both the cleaning and the exam so that won’t be a big surprise to me. But I will probably still be worried that they will discover something wrong. I don’t know if that feeling will ever go away because it keeps coming true from time to time. But at least now, I have a slightly better feeling about how things will be handled if that does happen.

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A Little Job Update (or It Was Silly To Be Scared)

Posted on October 31, 2019 | Comments Off on A Little Job Update (or It Was Silly To Be Scared)

Even though I’ve had the same jobs for a while now, I still am always terrified that I will be fired. I don’t know if I will ever get over that feeling. I wish I could, but there is just something in my head that makes me think that I’m always a moment away from being fired. I feel much more secure in my customer service job, but I think that’s because it is a much more consistent job and I have constant communication with my manager (but when my boss needs to talk to me, it scares me so much).

With my research/data entry job, I have a little reason to be nervous. I shouldn’t be scared that I will be randomly fired, but I never know if I’ll have another contract. It started out much more stable, but now I am on temporary contracts when they can have me working. I’ve been lucky this year with the contracts I was put on, but it’s still a bit scary.

The one thing that helped me with the fear with that job was that I knew my boss well. She and I met in a workout and then I worked for her with another company. When she had an opening with the company she moved to, she hired me. So I didn’t have to worry too much about what my boss felt about me since I knew her well and knew that she would talk to me if there were any issues. For example, there was an issue a while back with my work on the website not showing up. It turned out that there was an issue with how the data was being saved and we were able to fix it. To her, it might have looked like I wasn’t working. But she was able to ask me about it and I could clear up an issue before she felt like I shouldn’t be working for her.

That boss has now left that company. She was offered an amazing opportunity with another company in another state. I’m sad she left, but I’m so happy for her because I know this is really great for her and her family. And she will be working with me a bit still because she is going to be put on contracts as I have been. So even though she won’t be my boss, I can still ask for help from her from time to time.

I’m currently on a new contract for that job, and it’s doing work that I’ve never done before. This is more about website design work and eventually some writing/blogging work. When I was offered the contract, there wasn’t a lot known about specifics because the website was still being worked on. There were ideas of what I would be doing, but not the date that work would start. Until I was able to start that work, I was told there were a few random tasks I could help with to get some hours. So I started working on those and when I finished I was waiting for what was next.

I realized last week that a lot of time had passed and I didn’t have an update on any new work. And because I was working with a different boss, I was terrified to email her to check in. I finally had the courage to do it and didn’t hear anything back. I was so scared that because I hadn’t been able to work that they were ending my contract or something. But I decided to try to stay positive and sent a follow-up email a few days after that just checking in.

I’m so glad I stayed calm and positive because my second follow-up had an almost immediate response. My first email hadn’t been received and that’s why I didn’t get a response. And my boss completely understood why I hadn’t been working because things had been delayed on her end. We had a big catch up call last week to figure out some things and I have been able to work a few hours here and there since then.

My lack of hours was not because I was being flakey or slacking on work. It was just about not having assignments to work on. And I’m so grateful that my boss understood that and didn’t assume something else about me. I hate that my mind was telling me that she would be thinking something bad about me and that was making me worry about sending an email. I know how silly it is that I think like that, but I have come to accept that I might feel like that forever with work.

Fortunately, now I feel like I can email my boss more and check in without fear of her thinking I’m not working hard enough or enough hours. I hope that it will make working on this contract easier and hopefully she will be happy enough with my work to put me on another contract after this one ends. It’s a little scary that my old boss isn’t there because I know she pushed for me to get work there. But I just need to work on making sure I have my new boss in my corner so she will think of me as a hard worker and someone that she wants to have working as often as they can hire me.

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Staying Calm With Changes (or Testing My Fear Of The Dentist)

Posted on September 27, 2019 | Comments Off on Staying Calm With Changes (or Testing My Fear Of The Dentist)

It has taken a long time, but I finally am at a point where I don’t fear the dentist as much as I used to. I still have a fear of the dentist and it makes me panic a bit, but it is nothing like what it was just a few years ago. I’ve had better appointments in the recent past which helped, but I think it is also due to something in my brain chemistry changing that has helped.

For a while, my dentist appointments have been very consistent with the care I was getting as well as the people that I saw. Then, the last time I was there, I discovered that my dentist retired and 2 new dentists took over the office. This caused me to have a bit of panic, but it ended up working out well for me. The new dentists were very understanding with my fear and they were willing to work with me and try to make things easy.

While having new dentists was a big change, since I only see the dentist every 3rd appointment, it wasn’t too bad. As long as my dental hygenist was still there, I was happy. I used to joke to her that I would switch offices if she ever left because she really does work hard to make my panic attacks as minor as possible. But she said she had no plans to leave so I didn’t worry about it.

Then this week, I went to the dentist. My appointment was on Monday and it was just going to be for a cleaning so I would see the hygienist and not the dentist. Things were running a little late, but that wasn’t a big deal. Then one of the dentists came out and said she would get to me as soon as possible. I was so confused since I wasn’t going to be seeing the dentist for a cleaning. And that’s when I discovered that the hygienist was no longer at the office. I couldn’t follow her to another office because she switched careers. I am glad she is going to do something that she has always wanted to do, but I was sad that it was another change and it was causing me to panic a bit.

I ended up having to reschedule my appointment to yesterday because of how late things were running. And while I tried not to think about things, I spent a few days panicking that things were not going to be good at my appointment. I knew the new dentists were very understanding and they said they would work with me and my fear during the cleaning, but I have gotten so used to having my routine and not needing to worry too much. I knew that there was a good chance my appointment was going to be harder than the past few cleanings, but I also knew that I would be fine and that my fear and feeling of panic wasn’t a sign of things to come.

I’m aware that I’m a bit of a pain in the butt at the dentist. It’s not easy to have a patient who is scared and it took a long time to get comfortable with the hygienist who I had been seeing. Fortunately, things went much better than I expected.

I discussed with the dentist about how things had been done in the past to help my fear. And she did explain why those might not have been the best choices. I was willing to take a chance and try her plan, but I asked her to modify a few things. For example, I wanted her to confirm that my teeth were fine and there was nothing she saw that looked concerning. I don’t think that’s a normal part of the cleaning, but I really needed to hear that in order to feel better. And once that part was done, things were easier on me.

The only hard part was not knowing how much longer I had in the appointment since things were being done in a different order. Thankfully, the dentist was very understanding and answered all my questions and explained where we were in the appointment at each step. I kept apologizing for asking a million things, but I don’t think she minded. She was saying that it’s better that I’m aware of what’s going on and making sure I take care of my teeth instead of letting my fear take over and keep me away.

The appointment was a bit longer than I’m used to, but I think that was because the dentist and I had to work together to figure out how to make the appointment the best for me. But in the end, it all worked out for me and I didn’t have any panic attacks while there. My nerves were still affecting me, but that’s something that I don’t think will ever go away. And hopefully, when I go back in 4 months it will get a little easier for me.

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Last Dentist Appointment For A While (or Not Really A Quick Appointment)

Posted on May 28, 2019 | Comments Off on Last Dentist Appointment For A While (or Not Really A Quick Appointment)

Last week I was back at the dentist again for the 4th time in 3 weeks. But at least this time it was the last of my appointments for all the work I had done. It was supposed to only be 3 appointments (my original cleaning and exam, part 1 of a crown, and part 2 of a crown), but I did have that extra appointment the day after the first part of my crown to have the temporary fixed. For someone who fears the dentist, this was a lot to go through. But going into the last appointment I was trying to tell myself that it was going to be the easiest and quickest appointment.

Of course, like everything that happened over the past few weeks, it didn’t quite go like that. It should have been easy to remove the temporary crown, fit the permanent one, and cement it down. I don’t know exactly how long it should have taken, but I expected to be out of there in under an hour for sure. I was hoping it would be under 30 minutes. But things were not just in my favor. First, the dentists were running a bit behind. Another patient had an emergency and I understand those things happen. I didn’t mind that it was running late and was ready to get things started by the time I was in the chair.

Once my temporary crown was removed, the dentist noticed there was a little bit of plaque on the tooth underneath. I was afraid something like that happened because the night before I was worried that a bit of food got under the temporary crown. It doesn’t fit perfectly so that is possible and that’s what probably happened to me. But in order to keep my tooth under the crown healthy, they had to clean it. And since the tooth is shaved down, things hurt more than cleaning normal teeth. I was given the option of getting numbing shots, but I preferred to deal with the pain of the cleaning over shots. It wasn’t fun and I had to have the dentist take breaks from time to time, but I got through it and was ready to move on to fitting the permanent crown.

The crowns never fit perfectly and they always have to be fitted. But for some reason, my crown just was not fitting right after multiple attempts to fit it. My dentist was able to get it eventually, but it took several tries. Every time it was attempted, it did hurt a bit. It’s a weird pain sensation when it happens and I remembered exactly what it was like from the last time I got a crown. I braced myself each time because it never got easier. But the downside to doing the fitting so many times is that my gums got a bit inflamed and swollen. Which made it even harder when it was time to cement it down. My dentist had me do some things to help make it better, but it took time waiting as well.

Finally, we got to cementing the crown on. That part was probably one of the most painful parts for me (it’s the pain of the tooth underneath and the coldness of the cement), but I was so glad we were finally at the last step. I was ready to be done because this “quick” appointment really ended up taking almost 2 hours. I know that things were just not happening the way they should have and this was not anyone’s fault. But it was a little frustrating that everything seemed to be working against me and making this so much harder to deal with.

But I tried to focus on the positives. I did get all the work done that needed to be done. If it wasn’t done, things would have been so much worse for me when I did have them fixed. And I shouldn’t have to do a crazy amount of work like this again soon, hopefully. I do know that the other crowns I have will eventually need to be replaced, but I’m hoping it will be years later. And I think this was a great way for me to become very comfortable with my new dentists. They are aware of my fears and issues and are very willing to work with me. I feel confident that when I need to have major work again that they will be just as willing to work with all my issues. They have only been my dentists for 3 weeks, but I’m almost as comfortable with them as I was with my old dentist who I had for almost 18 years.

I have no clue if these intense appointments made my fear of the dentist better or worse, but I do know that it helped me feel more comfortable with what happens going forward. Just because I’m comfortable doesn’t mean that I’m not as fearful, but it does mean that I’m not scared that I will be at an appointment and the dentist will not be ok with making sure I’m ok. That’s a good step for me.

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Surprises At The Dentist (or Guess I Have A Few More Appointments)

Posted on May 8, 2019 | 3 comments

I had my big dentist appointment this week. Going in for a cleaning has been getting easier, but it’s still something that stresses me out a lot. I don’t take my panic meds before going in, but I still feel some of the smaller panic attack symptoms as I go in for a cleaning appointment. And when I have my big dentist appointment where I have a teeth cleaning and the x-rays and visit with the dentist, that stressed me out even more. It doesn’t help that for a week or so before the appointment I have nightmares about my teeth.

Going in for my big appointment this time was making me feel the same panic that I expected, and I was trying to stay optimistic that everything would be fine. But I also know that due to genetics I have bad teeth and there are some things that I just can’t control with dental care. I can do everything right, and I will still need to have major work done. It sucks that I have genetically bad teeth and a fear of the dentist, but maybe they are a bit more related because I have had to have so much work done.

But this time, when I got to my dentist appointment, I had a surprise right away. My dentist actually had retired a few weeks prior! I had no clue about this and it really did surprise me. He brought on 2 new dentists (who are sisters) to run his practice and everyone else who was there before is still there. So I still have the same dental hygienist cleaning my teeth which to me is probably the most important thing since I see her 3 times a year (compared to once a year with my dentist). My nerves got better and worse after finding out my dentist retired because I still had to do my x-rays and big exam with the new dentist, but I had been told they were a little gentler than my old dentist.

My dental hygienist has been cleaning my teeth for so long that she gets my panic and anxiety. And before these big appointments she knows to warn me if there is anything that she sees that might need to have big work. This time, unfortunately, there were 2 things that she was concerned about. But we wouldn’t get an answer for sure until my x-rays were done.

After the x-rays I got to meet my new dentist and she was very nice. She also had been prepared about my anxiety issues and she was trying to be a calming person around me. I know she could tell that I was not doing well and she wanted me to have all the answers quickly and things wouldn’t be drawn out.

And my dental hygienist was right that there are 2 things that need to be worked on. I have a filling that chipped and a crown that needs to be replaced. The chipped filling is more preventative than anything because there is nothing wrong with my tooth right now. But if it’s not fixed it can get worse and a cavity could form or I could need a crown on that tooth. And the crown that needs to be replaced is due to a cavity forming right around the edge of the crown. There was nothing that I could have done to prevent this because the cavity is technically under the crown, but it was still upsetting news for me. I hate having dental work done and now I need to have 2 big things done.

The positives I guess are that both of the big things are kind of small things. The filling will be easy and the new crown should be much easier than getting the crown the first time. Since most of the work has already been done, the drilling part will be much faster. But I will still have to have needles to numb me and it will involve 2 appointments. I’ll have a temporary crown for a week before the permanent one is ready and I remember that the temporary one always felt a bit weird to me. But at least it will be over in a week.

With this new dentist, I really did want to impress her with staying calm about all this, but I can’t help how much this upset me when I saw the x-rays and they were explained to me. I did cry because it really just made me panic even more about the next appointments and how overwhelming it felt that I did everything right and I still have all this wrong with my teeth. I have friends that don’t floss and skip going to the dentist for years and have perfect teeth. I do all the preventative stuff I can at home and go 3 times a year and it isn’t enough. But even with me crying, this new dentist understood and tried to help me feel better.

I wish I could have been calmer (and more normal) at my appointment, but I guess that wasn’t what my first impression was supposed to be. And my new dentist made a great first impression on me, but I will find out very quickly if I am happy with how the major work gets done. Maybe writing that I could be happy is the wrong thing since I don’t think I will ever be happy about having major work done, but I hope that I tolerate it as well or better than I did before. And I already know that this new dentist will make the crown out of the same material so it will still look like a tooth and not be obvious.

I had all the hopes in the world that this appointment would have gone well and I wouldn’t have another dentist visit for 4 months. But now I will have appointments for the next 2 weeks and I can only hope that it goes well and I don’t have a bad panic attack for the next 2 appointments.

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Making Small Investments In My Health (or Trying To Not Be Anxious Or Paranoid)

Posted on January 16, 2019 | Comments Off on Making Small Investments In My Health (or Trying To Not Be Anxious Or Paranoid)

I’m seriously a broken record about some things in my life. I guess I should be happy to have a routine and know what will happen, but I’m so tired of having a lot of anxiety prior to going to a dental appointment. I hate that even a cleaning will cause me to get all worked up and I can’t relax until the appointment is done. Even when I am having the cleaning done, I’m still paranoid that things are going to turn for the worst. I’m always asking the dental hygienist if everything looks ok or if she sees anything that looks suspicious. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop and for her to see something horrible with my teeth.

I know that I take care of my teeth. I had a brief period of time right after college when I wasn’t as good about things like flossing, but now that I’ve seen what happens when I slack off just a little I know I can’t miss any step of my dental care any day. And every time I go to the dentist, I double check to make sure that I’m using all the best things for me. I’ve switched toothbrushes and toothpaste based on what I’ve been told and I trust that those are really the best things for me to use with my situation. It’s not always the cheapest, but it’s much cheaper buying expensive toothpaste than it is to get major dental work.

One of the parts of keeping my teeth in the best condition they can be in that I’m not the best at is flossing. While I floss every day, I know I don’t floss as hard as I should. When flossing hurts or is uncomfortable, you go easy on yourself. And unfortunately if you go easy on flossing it’s not effective. I’ve learned this the hard way and I’ve tried to correct myself. But I knew that I had to look into some better options for me to make sure that I don’t have more issues down the road.

For some reason, getting a water flosser seemed like a really weird idea to me. I always imagined they were giant machines and super expensive. And when I have a bathroom that has almost no counter space, it seemed like something that wasn’t possible for me to get. But I looked more into the options online and found they weren’t as crazy as I had in my head. Most of them are pretty compact, but even the compact ones are larger than the limited counter space that I have. But I did find some of the travel versions are small enough for the space I have. The only downside in most of the reviews was about the water tank only hold half the water you need to use it each time. To refill water once seemed like a really small issue so I looked into the cheapest option for buying it.

I really lucked out with timing because I got my CVS reward and a 30% CVS coupon that week. So I was able to get a flosser that normally is close to $70 for about $40. It’s still an investment and I know that I shouldn’t be spending money, but I had to think about it being an investment to save me money and pain in the long run. I only got it about 2 weeks prior to my dentist visit, so I had no idea if it would make a difference. But I knew that if my teeth were much worse than normal, that it wasn’t worth the convenience.

Fortunately, at my appointment my teeth didn’t seem that different from how they were in my past appointments, so that was a good sign. I also got some advice on how to use the new flosser better so that hopefully I can have some improvement by my next appointment. I also learned that for the best results, I still need to use regular floss too (so I should floss, use the water flosser, brush, and then use mouthwash). I didn’t love to hear that news since I was happy not using regular floss, but again I need to do what is best for my teeth. I don’t think I will ever get over my fear that my teeth will all fall out or I will be told that something horrible is happening with my teeth. But I want to feel as secure as possible about doing everything I should do to prevent that.

My next dentist appointment is the big one with the x-rays in 4 months. I’m trying to not feel nervous just yet, but I’m already feeling the anxiety. I think it might be because I just had an appointment and my anxiety hasn’t faded from it just yet. Hopefully that will go away soon and in my dream life I won’t have any anxiety at all before my appointment. But realistically, I’m just hoping I’m only anxious the week of and I can laugh about it after because everything is fine.

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A Quick Adventure To The Dentist (or Ok, Maybe I Overreacted A Bit)

Posted on May 9, 2018 | 2 comments

I posted last week about going to the dentist and how my appointment ended up being split over 2 days. Last week was supposed to be a cleaning plus x-rays and the check-up from the dentist. But I only had the cleaning and my x-rays and check-up got moved to this week. But during my cleaning, we discovered a very small mark in a tooth that could turn into a cavity or worse if nothing was done. So it was decided that getting a filling would be added to my appointment this week.

I’ve had bad luck with the dentist in the past, but in the recent past things have been better. Even my last major dental work ended up being much easier than I thought it would be. And I had been reassured that this filling was even less involved than the last one so it would be super quick. But even with all that, I was still pretty nervous about everything. I had other things that distracted me from feeling panicky in the days leading up to the appointment, but when my appointment day came I was pretty shaky.

When I arrived, I saw the dental tools that were going to be used for my filling. I tried to keep reminding myself that this was going to be easy, but the fear was just building up in me and I couldn’t get worst-case scenarios out of my head.

I had my x-rays first and I was so glad that I had those this week versus last week. The things they have to put in your mouth for them aren’t the most comfortable things and I would have hated feeling like that plus being nauseous. The x-rays got done quickly and then it was just time to wait for the dentist to come look at all my teeth before doing the work.

I was still terrified that he would tell me that he found something else wrong with my teeth. While I work really hard at taking care of my teeth, genetically I have bad (or not-so-great) teeth. I try really hard to not need dental work, but it’s just something I have to deal with because of how my teeth are. Fortunately this time the dentist said that my teeth looked great and where he was going to do the filling was even smaller than he expected so it should be super easy!

Then it was time for what I knew would be the worst part for me. I had the option of getting this done without a Novocaine shot, but to me that probably would have been worse than having a shot. And it was only one shot this time instead of 2 (which seems to be the norm for me). I tried to stay calm and I did better than usual, but it still wasn’t good. I hate that shots make me cry a bit (and I think it’s just worse at the dentist because I know there is potentially more pain after the shots versus my IVs at MRIs which don’t hurt), but my dentist is used to me by now and how difficult this is for me. And he recognizes that I’m doing better even if it’s still not easy.

The shot took effect really quickly and they were able to get started on the work. The drilling was maybe 15 seconds and then they were putting the filling in where they drilled. They dried it with the light and checked my bite so they could file it down to keep my bite aligned. And in under 5 minutes from the time I had the shot they were done! It was almost ridiculous how quickly it was over! I knew it would be fast so I wouldn’t have to watch a movie while they worked to distract me, but I did have my headphones so I could listen to Spotify or something while they were drilling. But that wasn’t needed. With the exception of the shot, it was easier than a cleaning!

I was out of there in no time and ready to go on with my day. I was very numb for a while so I had to be careful not to bite my lip by accident, but I think I did do that when trying to eat some lunch so I’m a bit sore now. But honestly this appointment ended up being ridiculously easy so having a minor issue after the fact didn’t bug me too much. I was just glad I got through this and that it really was worse in my head than it really was. I rarely believe things would be easier than they are, but I think that idea is worse than preparing for something that wasn’t needed.

I know that for some people going to the dentist isn’t a big deal and they don’t even worry when they need dental work done. They probably think I’m crazy with how big of a deal I make these appointments. And I’m starting to realized that I am overreacting from time to time, but the truth is that the fear is still very real for me and it may never go away completely. But at least it is getting better for me and I have more positive dentist memories to help outweigh the scary ones in my head.

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MRI Again (or Hoping For Some Answers)

Posted on November 3, 2016 | Comments Off on MRI Again (or Hoping For Some Answers)

When I did my breast MRI to check for breast cancer, I assumed that the next MRI that I would need would be whenever I get another one on my hips. Since I’ve had very limited MRIs (just my original hip one and the breast one), there was no reason I would think I’d be getting another one soon. But after my stomach issues, I was told I needed an MRI to figure out what was going on.

I ended up getting one scheduled earlier this week. I wanted to do it on a day that I didn’t have to work because I knew they would need to put an IV in me for contrast. I had the IV and contrast in the breast MRI and didn’t enjoy it too much, so I was prepared for the worst but hoped for the best. When I arrived at Kaiser, they were running about 45 minutes behind, so I sat in the waiting area reading a book and trying not to think too much about what was coming up.

When I was taken back to the MRI area, I was expecting to be led into a changing area where I would have to take off any clothing that had metal and I assumed I would also need to be either nude or down to underwear only under a hospital gown (that’s what the other MRIs were like). But to my surprise, the only thing required was to remove any clothing that had metal in it! If I had known that, I would have worn a sports bra so I wouldn’t have had to change. I didn’t get a fun hospital gown selfie, but I did take a quick photo of my MRI outfit before going into the machine.

mri

Once I was brought into the room, I laid down on the table that goes into the machine. The techs tried to get me comfortable with pillows and settled before putting the IV in me. I had warned them about my needle issues but said that since I was laying down that if I fainted it wouldn’t be a big deal. I didn’t faint (yay me!) but I did have a brief moment where I blacked out but could still hear everything around me. It wasn’t too bad and I was glad the IV was in and done.

I didn’t really do any research about abdominal MRIs before going in, but I assumed I’d be laying on my back and just be put into the machine. But they actually had to put this plastic and foam cage type thing around my stomach first and then I was strapped down to the table (I’ve never been strapped down for an MRI before). I wasn’t able to move at all, and it really sucked when they pushed me into the machine and all of a sudden my nose was itching like crazy and I couldn’t scratch!

I’ve got some issues with claustrophobia and this really tested me. I was completely in the machine and my nose was pretty close to touching the top of the tube. My arms were pressed against the sides and I did feel a bit trapped between the closeness of the machine and the straps holding me down. Fortunately, I could tilt my head back a bit and see a bit of the room behind me. So whenever I felt like I was going to panic I did that and tried to focus on my breathing.

The contrast in my IV hurt like it did last time, but it hurt much less than it did before. I’m thinking that is because my IV was placed in a better spot this time where my body wasn’t as crunched up. But they still removed the IV from me once the contrast was done so I didn’t have to deal with it anymore.

The entire MRI time was under 30 minutes and while I had moments of panic in the machine it did go by quickly. I tried to talk to myself in my head and recite lines from scripts I know or plots from books to distract me and help pass the time. Once it was done, I was finally able to relax and only then did I realize that I was pretty tensed up the entire time inside the machine. It’s wasn’t too bad, but some of my muscles felt sore like I had done a workout.

While I’m not happy I’m going through this medical unknown right now, I’m working on thinking of the positives. I’ve had more opportunities to work on my issues with needles and I feel like it is getting better. I’m hopeful that maybe in a few years I won’t have even the little blackouts with needles. I also was able to test my claustrophobia and panic disorder and had to force myself to settle those issues without medication or any distractions.

I haven’t heard anything about the MRI since going in, but that’s a good sign. I have an appointment to discuss what’s happening and what the plan is with a surgeon next week, and if I heard something sooner that would only mean something really bad and urgent is wrong with me. I’m very hopeful that this is going be a situation that will just be something that needs to be monitored from time to time and not something that will require surgery soon. But no matter what the plan and situation is, I know that it will be fine and I will be ok.

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