I’m not necessarily someone who likes surprises, but when they are good things they can be fun. But I’m also a bit of a control freak where I would like to know everything that is going on. Even with medical procedures or at the dentist, I make them tell me step by step exactly what is going to happen so I can mentally prepare. I make sure I have control when I can in my life, but I also know that this isn’t the best quality to have.
But being surprised and being blindsided are totally different to me and I think everyone could agree with me that being blindsided is a horrible feeling and not one that anyone would wish another person would feel. Unfortunately, I’ve been blindsided a few times recently and it’s still something I’m working through.
The first time I was blindsided recently was with the guy I was dating on and off for a while. When I got the random message that said he had a girlfriend, I didn’t want to believe it at first. But as time went by without him trying to explain anything I had to come to the realization that it was true and I tried to start moving on. But when he contacted me and he and I had the phone call, it was like a kick to the gut. It really broke my heart to get confirmation of what I thought I already knew. I’m glad I had that call because I am able to move on more than I could before, but it still was awful and I hated the feeling of loss of control in knowing what was happening around me.
And earlier this week, I had another blindsided moment that is so much worse. I use a babysitting app to get random babysitting jobs. I haven’t been that active on the app lately because of a few reasons, but I’ve still been active with the Facebook group that was created for babysitters using the app. It’s been a great way for us to share advice, give support, and just laugh about the silly things that happen when we are working. I do know some people in the group in real life too, but mainly we are just online only friends. But for the people who are posting and commenting a lot, they have become more than just strangers and I love hearing the updates they post about their life.
But on Tuesday in our Facebook group, someone shared that one of the most active members of our Facebook group was arrested. I think most of us thought it was a joke at first but I looked it up and sadly it was true. This person was a male babysitter who always was sharing advice with other men in the group since it can be tough for them to find jobs. Many people believe that men who babysit are doing it because they are predators and that’s not true. Yes, there are horrible people out there, but there are plenty of people who are good people and work with kids for totally harmless reasons.
But while this guy had been posting about how he wanted to eliminate the stigma of male babysitters, it turns out he was a monster. He was arrested for lewd acts with a minor, indecent exposure, and when they arrested him at home they found child pornography on his computer. It’s sickening and I can’t wrap my head around how this all happened. At first I think everyone who saw the story wanted to believe that it couldn’t be true, but we’ve come to the realization that it’s looking like it must be because his bail has doubled twice since he was arrested (starting at about $1 million and as I’m writing this it is over $4 million). With bail that high, they must have a lot of evidence against him and I’m glad that he was caught.
With this news. everyone in the Facebook group has been feeling pretty shocked. This was someone who we thought we knew (and there were people in the group who knew him outside of Facebook as well) and none of us saw this coming. Looking back at older posts of his online, we now see some things that could be viewed very differently knowing who he really is. But there was no way for any of us to suspect him of doing anything wrong.
People in the group blaming themselves for not seeing this sooner has been a common discussion between us. We all have a bit a guilt that somehow we didn’t predict this and make sure he was stopped. As of right now there are 2 victims that were victimized relatively recently, but of course we are all terrified that there are more victims that will be coming forward. And of course we would have wanted him to have been stopped before the 2 victims we knew about, but there were just no signs for us to see.
In our group we’ve all been trying to support each other. Most of us are feeling tricked, feeling numb, and not sure what to do. This feeling of being blindsided is something that I feel in my body as well as in my head and I know I’m not alone. We are doing our best to share information about this situation because we want to see if there were warning signs that we missed because we didn’t know they were warning signs. But at the same time we are all coming to the conclusion that this person was just a monster who was really good at hiding his true self.
While this more recent situation is so much more horrible and disgusting than what happened to me last month, I am grateful that this time I have other people going through the same thing that I can lean on for support. My default is to believe that people are good, and I know that it’s not always the case. But I refuse to believe that people are bad until they prove me otherwise. I need for my own sanity to believe that most people are good and that the monsters are the rare ones. And with believing that I guess I have to accept that sometimes I may be blindsided by situations like this and that I will need to find ways to work through them.
You Might Also Like
Thank You (or I Should Have Done This Sooner)
Feeling So Much Love (or Embarrassed By People Complimenting Me)
Union Working Holiday Party (or Just Enjoying Being Around Good People)
Being As Honest As Possible (or Making People Feel Awkward)
People Don’t Get It (or My Comment On The Dear Fat People Video)
Believing In Myself (or My Wish From Last Week Came True)
