Tag Archives: cancer

Acting Like A Duck (or Reminding Myself That Positivity Is Important)

Posted on November 11, 2013 | Comments Off on Acting Like A Duck (or Reminding Myself That Positivity Is Important)

I know I’ve had a pretty bad attitude for the past week. A lot of that has to do with being sick. I’m a big baby when I get sick like that and I definitely get into a funk. I’m almost better now, but I’m still taking some decongestants at nighttime so I can get as much sleep as possible (I’m waking up in the middle of the night out of breath because I close my mouth and try to breathe through my nose).

But this week, I’m trying to get back into the positive mindset that I want to be in. Even though my work situation is still pretty bad, I’m going to keep my head down and ignore the names my co-worker calls me throughout the day. My boss has said that the next time he hears her call me a name she’ll be fired. But my co-worker now calls me names quietly so he doesn’t hear her. And yes, I’ve thought about running a tape recorder the entire shift hoping to catch her, but when I’ve tried that in the past it didn’t pick it up.

New job prospects keep coming my way. I’ve now done 3 phone interviews for 3 different jobs. 1 job has had me do a writing test and I’m still waiting to hear if I made it to the next step. Another job has also had me do a writing test and I’ve made it to the next round, but they don’t know exactly when they will be getting to that. And I’m taking time every day to apply for more jobs so that in the near future, I can be working somewhere where I am respected and not verbally harassed during my shift.

And while I’m still dealing with a little guilt about not being near my mom while she goes through her chemo treatments, I can’t do anything about that either, so I need to get past that feeling. I talk to my mom pretty much every day, so I’m being there as much as I can. And I will see my dad this upcoming weekend so I can be supportive for him too.

And finally, the thing that really turned around my bad mood into a good mood was the 5K that I did yesterday. I will do a full recap tomorrow, but I’m beyond excited that even though the race had the killer hill, I did another 5K in under an hour!

So while sometimes it seems like everything is keeping me down, if I stay down and work hard, all that negative stuff just runs off my back and the positive stuff stays with me!

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Mom Update (or Two Steps Done, Two More To Go)

Posted on October 30, 2013 | Comments Off on Mom Update (or Two Steps Done, Two More To Go)

Today is an exciting day (at least for me) in my mom’s ass-kicking of cancer. Today she will be getting the last chemo infusion of this particular chemo drug.

My mom has essentially 4 steps to go through with all of this. First was the mastectomy, and we all know she kicked ass at that! I’m still amazed how fast she recovered.

The second step was this first chemo drug. She got it 4 times over 2 months (one infusion every other week). She’s again kicking ass at this. While she’s gotten a bit achy and maybe has to rest a bit more than normal, she hasn’t gotten sick once! And she continues to win almost all of her tennis matches (and I know her tennis friends aren’t going easy on her).

In two weeks, she will be starting step 3. It’s another chemo drug. This time it will be every week for 3 months. This drug is supposed to be easier than the first one, but everyone reacts differently.

After all the chemo will be radiation.

It seems like a lot, but when you think about it, she’s finished half of the steps that she has to do. I think that is awesome!

I won’t be seeing my mom until she’s gone through several weeks of the new chemo. I’m planning on going home around Christmas (I have a couple of days off of work then) and it can’t come soon enough. I’m still feeling a bit guilty for being in LA living my life while my mom is going through all this. She’s got my dad there and she can go to San Francisco to see my brother (or he can drive down to my parents), but I’m here. I know that it’s what my mom wants me to do (she wants everyone to keep going on like everything is normal, which I think is helping her stay healthy through all of this). But I wish that December would get here sooner so I can be there and help out doing whatever my parents need me to do.

I honestly think that I’m always going to feel a little guilty that I didn’t drop everything to be there for my mom for these months (the entire length of treatment is supposed to be about 9 months), but I have to think back to when I had my hip surgery (not that I’m comparing cancer with my hip issues, but it’s all I’ve got in personal experience). While I did want my parents to come to LA when I had my surgery to help me come home from surgery and drive me around while I recovered, I was happy to be independent again when they left. And the main reason that I needed them there for a lot of things was that I lived alone and wasn’t dating anyone. So there was nobody to take care of me. My mom has my dad there, and since he’s a retired doctor, I think he’s a pretty great choice as a caretaker.

I’m excited to see my mom doing so well with everything that she’s taken on, and that makes some of the guilt go away. She doesn’t need me there because she isn’t allowing herself to be sick. She’s doing pretty much everything that she did before her diagnosis now and that’s the example that I should be living by.

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LA Cancer Challenge 5K (or The Foggiest 5K I’ve Ever Done)

Posted on October 29, 2013 | Comments Off on LA Cancer Challenge 5K (or The Foggiest 5K I’ve Ever Done)

This past Sunday was the LA Cancer Challenge 5K. It was 5K #6 for me this year.

This was one of the random 5Ks I signed up for so I could do as many 5Ks as I could this year. I didn’t pick it for any particular reason. This one happened to benefit pancreatic cancer research.

On Saturday after my half shift at work, I headed over to Westwood to the VA (where the 5K was held) so I could pick up my number and t-shirt. I got a bit of a preview of where I’d be walking, and I realized that it was pretty hilly. After doing a little investigating of what I thought the course would be, I parked my car, went to the tents, and got my number.

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On Saturday night, as I wrote yesterday, I stayed home so I could get a good night sleep before the 5K.

On Sunday morning, I took a pain pill before leaving the house. I wanted to try to prevent as much pain from the hills as I could (it worked pretty well). I drove back to Westwood only to see that it was insanely foggy!

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That picture was taken during one of the clearer moments before the 5K started.

While I waited for the start, I took a before picture.

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You can see the fog getting worse! While waiting, my hair got very damp from all the mist. But if I had to choose from it being too cold or too hot during a 5K, I’d choose too cold any day (I just wish I remembered to bring my sweatshirt that day!).

This was considered a Halloween race and there was a costume contest after the 5K was over. I didn’t want to race in a costume, so I just wore my race shirt that I got when I picked up my number. But there were some pretty amazing costumes that day. This might be my favorite group.

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The mom is a banana, the dad is a gorilla, and the baby in the carrier is a little monkey. I also saw lots of Disney characters and several groups of Minions from “Despicable Me”.

The 5K went ok. The hills seemed endless and I heard many other people saying the same thing or groaning when they saw the uphill ahead. I realized that I was not going to have an amazing time so I just focused on finishing.

I finished this race about 90 seconds slower than my last 5K. But considering all the hills, I’m pretty happy about that.

Of course I had to take an after picture celebrating my 6th 5K!

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My next 5K is on Saturday. I’m getting a little nervous about it. I’ve never done 2 competitive 5Ks in the same week. And I didn’t know when I signed up for the next one that it has a time limit. And typically, I’m about 10 minutes slower than that time limit. The only thing I can hope for is that either they are very lenient on that time limit or that there is someone who starts the race about 10 minutes after me (they start the time limit after the last person starts the race).

I know that I can’t get 10 minutes faster in a couple of days so there isn’t much I can do about it. I just hope that my 5K on Saturday isn’t the first one where I get picked up by the sweeper van and am not allowed to finish.

There’s no point worrying since it is what is it. For now, I’m celebrating finishing 5K #6!

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It’s Always Unexpected (or Sending Positive Energy To A Co-Worker)

Posted on October 25, 2013 | Comments Off on It’s Always Unexpected (or Sending Positive Energy To A Co-Worker)

So we’ve been back at work since Tuesday, and while not everyone has been at every shift, there’s been one co-worker who hasn’t been back yet. I knew he just had some dental work, and we all thought that he was recovering from that.

But yesterday, he came into work to talk to our boss about something. Then he came out and told us the news: he has liver cancer.

I’m not sharing who this is to protect his privacy (I didn’t ask him if I could blog about him). But even with this person being anonymous, I’m hoping that we can all share some positive energy his way.

When he told me the news, the next thing he wanted to talk about was my mom. He knew that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer before we all went on unemployment. And he was always asking about her and hoping for the best.

My mom is extremely lucky to have a lot of amazing people in her life. Everyone I know is sending her positive energy and healing thoughts every day. My friend Erin (who does my hair) made a donation to breast cancer research in my mom’s name this week. And my birthday twin Joanna dedicated her yoga practice one day to my mom. I know that every bit of this is helping. I’m not the sort of person to believe in prayer (I was raised very very reform Jewish and we never really went to temple), but I believe in positive thoughts and energy. And I know that it works. My mom is the proof.

I can only hope that my co-worker has the same type of people in his life. Of course I’m going to be thinking about him everyday and sending positive thoughts his way, but I know that the more people who do it the more power it has. This particular co-worker doesn’t really use the internet so I don’t really have a way to connect with him while he’s getting treatment. But I’m still going to send him positive energy even if he doesn’t know about it.

And what I’m asking of all of you is one simple thing. If you are sending positive thoughts, healing energy, or prayers to my mom; can you just add my co-worker to your thoughts? I know that you all don’t know him, but I know that he would appreciate it.

Thanks everyone.

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Cancer Questions (or Hopefully This Will Help Someone Else)

Posted on October 2, 2013 | 2 comments

Ever since I posted on here about my mom having breast cancer, I’ve gotten a ton of support. This is so appreciated because my family is going through uncharted waters here. Nobody in our family has had breast cancer before and even though most of my family is in the medical field, there is still a lot of unknown for us.

I’ve also gotten questions from people who want to know more information about what is going on. Some of the things are private, but I want to share a bunch of stuff on here. When my mom was diagnosed, I did a lot of searching online for support and what to expect. I had to be careful where I looked because there is a lot of crazy scary information and I don’t need to become obsessed with what’s out there.

So here are a couple of questions that people have asked me and that I hope will help anyone else going through what my family is going through.

What is my mom’s treatment plan?

My mom had her mastectomy during the summer and is pretty much healed from that. She believes (and I agree with her) that the surgery probably got all of the cancer out of her body. But as a precaution, she is now having chemo. My dad goes with her and since our family dog is a therapy dog, he can go too (I don’t think he has gone yet). She will have a few months of chemo and then finish with some radiation to get rid of any cancer that may be left. I’m so optimistic that this treatment will result in her being 100% cancer free in the end.

Has my mom lost her hair?

As I am typing this, she has not lost her hair. With the type of chemo drugs that she’s getting, she will probably lose it. But she already has an amazing wig and will be wearing that. She actually wore it to my brother’s wedding and I think it looks amazing (she thinks it even looks better than her real hair).

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Am I going to get tested for BRCA (the breast cancer gene)?

This was one of the first things I asked my mom once I stopped crying when she told me she had cancer. I wanted to know if I needed to be tested. As of right now, I’m not being tested. It doesn’t really work like that. First my mom and I are going to take an online class about what it means if you get tested and test positive for the mutation. Then my mom has to meet with a geneticist. After that, my mom gets tested. If she tests positive for the mutation, then she will share that with me and I can decided if I want to get tested (I think that if it comes to this, I will). With my family background being Ashkenazi Jew, I already have a 1 in 4 chance of having this mutation. But if my mom tests negative for the mutation, the chances of me having it are extremely slim so I would not get tested.

Is there anything that people can do to help my family?

This is one of the most common questions people have asked me, and it is one of the most wonderful things that people could ask. As of right now, no, there is nothing that my family needs. My mom is doing amazing and my dad is there to help with anything she needs. If anyone would like to do anything, I ask that you donate to weSPARK. They support people with cancer and their families, and donations help to keep all their programs free of charge. I’m trying to raise $100 before the 5K in November and would love any help you would be willing to give to help me reach that goal.

I hope the answers I’ve given help you understand more of what my mom is going through and see that despite a cancer diagnosis, my mom is kicking as much butt as usual. And if you have a parent with breast cancer and want to chat, feel free to reach out to me. I’m more than happy to connect with people who are in the same boat.

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The New Normal (or Worrying From Far Away)

Posted on September 19, 2013 | Comments Off on The New Normal (or Worrying From Far Away)

Yesterday was my mom’s first day of chemo. She did awesome, I had a weird day.

I was at work for the day (only a few more days left before unemployment). And my whole shift I was wondering what was happening with my mom. I know that my dad was with her so she wasn’t alone. And I helped her get her laptop set up for Netflix so she could watch tv shows while getting the treatment (she picked out “Orange Is The New Black” and “How I Met Your Mother” as the shows she’ll watch during chemo). But I had the weirdest thoughts in my head.

I was curious if she made any friends in the chemo room. I wanted her to have a good time while there (or as good of a time as you could while getting chemo). I wanted the nurses to be super nice to her (turns out, my mom gave them all triple-layer brownies so they love her even more than they already did).

A friend joked to me that I’m almost worrying about her like a parent worries about their kid on the first day of school.

My mom texted me as soon as she was done yesterday and I also talked to her on the phone, so I know that she’s ok. And I really have no question that she will be ok.

But it’s weird not being there for her and my dad. I’m planning on flying up there sometime next month to hangout and do some more cleaning on my old bedroom (which was turned into a gym about 10 years ago). But somehow I feel like I should be there 24/7.

I know that that isn’t a reality, nor do my parents want me there all the time. But I feel kind of helpless in LA. When I talked to my mom yesterday after her chemo, she was talking about how she was making dinner for the next night so she didn’t have to worry about it then. She shouldn’t have to be making dinners (but she does love to cook so it isn’t a total chore for her). I should be. And yes, I’ve looked into the cost of me making food and shipping it to her and it is beyond ridiculous. Maybe if I win the lottery or something I could do it, but it won’t be happening otherwise.

So for now, I’m just at my house waiting and worrying. I know that eventually, all of this will feel normal to me. I’m just hoping that that eventually comes soon.

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Working On My Inner Badass (or How Spinning Fit In Perfectly With My Life Yesterday)

Posted on September 3, 2013 | 1 comment

My plan was originally to share my fun plans I had this past weekend on here today, but that’s being pushed back by what happened in spin class yesterday.

I had the day off of work (thank you Labor Day!), so I went to SoulCycle for a mid-morning workout (a rare treat). The instructor for this particular class was Patrick. I’ve taken his class before and have really enjoyed it.

First of all, this was the toughest spin class I’ve ever gone to (even tougher than the very first class). There were moments that I questioned if I could complete the workout. But I took it slow and took some more breaks than I usually would take in class. And after class, I chatted with a couple of other riders who agreed that this class was the toughest that they’ve even taken (which made me proud that I was able to do it).

One of the things that I loved about SoulCycle from the beginning was the positivity and motivation from the instructions. It’s part spinning part meditation/affirmation time for me.

I was having a bit of a rough morning. Even though I’m not crying all the time about my mom’s cancer anymore, writing yesterday’s blog post really got to me. It was extremely difficult to write the post, and I cried pretty much the entire time writing it. The whole time I thought about how tough my mom is being through all of this. She is totally the rock in the family. And I’m not doing as well as I’d like to about being tough and a true badass like her.

Anyway, back to what happened in spin class. Patrick was having us work like crazy during this one song. We were pedaling super fast and did what felt like a million pushups on the handlebars. My shoulders and arms were killing me and sweat was pouring off my face. When we were getting toward the end of the song, Patrick talked about being tough and pedaling through the very last note of the song. He talked about how we all have a badass inside of us and we just need to bring it out.

That seriously hit home for me. Somewhere inside me, I am a badass. I’m sure I inherited my badassness from my mom (sorry Dad). I’m working really hard to find my inner bombshell, but at the same time, I need to find my inner badass. It’s there somewhere, I just needed to know to go and look for it.

I really felt like being in that class, with that instructor, at that time, and hearing those words really was a sign. I joke on my twitter profile that I’m a girl with Southern charm and Jersey moxie (my mom is originally from Louisiana and my dad is from New Jersey). So why can’t I work on having both an inner bombshell and inner badass?

I’m not going to change the name of this blog (that is far too much work), but I am going to focus on finding my inner badass now too.

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F#*k Cancer (or Proof That My Mom Is A Badass)

Posted on September 2, 2013 | 6 comments

There’s been something that I’ve wanted to share on here for a couple of weeks now, but I had to wait for the right time. Technically, this isn’t my news to share so I had to wait to get the ok to put it out in the world.

My mom has breast cancer.

I found out on the day of the rainy beach trip and the Reckless Love wine event. Between the beach and the event, my mom called me to give me the news. I had no idea that she had been seeing a doctor about this, so it came as a complete shock to me.

I pretty much cried for 3 days. But then I realized that crying does no good for me or my mom. So I’m working on being tough about it.

My mom had a mastectomy already. She did amazing in the surgery. The original plan was for her to be there 23 hours, but she managed to leave about an hour after the surgery was done (since I couldn’t be there that day, my mom and I FaceTimed as soon as she was in recovery). It was about a month ago.

When I was in Tahoe recently, I got to see the scar (and I think it is possibly the most awesome scar that I’ve ever seen). And my mom gets to wait until after my brother’s wedding next week to start chemo, so that’s very good news. I would hate for her to be feeling side effects of chemo during the wedding.

My mom has been so amazing since finding out. She’s taking everything in stride. She knows that she’ll lose her hair during chemo, so she already went out and got a wig that looks just like her regular hair.

When my mom put it out to all of her Facebook friends (which was the moment I was allowed to start sharing this publicly), she wrote a short note describing what’s going on. But she ended the note by saying “I did not have a choice in getting this disease, but I do have a choice to live a happy, full life everyday”.

I think that is an important message for anyone. I try to focus on staying positive all the time, even when things don’t seem to be going my way. And I’m aware that positive thinking can do wonders when you are dealing with illness. So I decided to get my mom and I matching bracelets to remind us to stay positive.

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It will be important for me to stay positive while I’m not able to be with my mom for every doctor’s appointment (which I’d like to be so I can try to understand this all). And while my mom has been super positive since the beginning, I know that with chemo and radiation ahead, she might have some tough times. So by having this bracelet on (which I wear every single day and only take off to sleep), we can focus on the good and not the bad.

While I might sound like things aren’t super wonderful with my mom right now, that’s not true. She technically does have cancer, but in the month since she’s had her mastectomy, she has done some truly badass things. Such as driving our off-road jeep (and making me bounce so hard in the seat that I came home with bruises), rowing a boat with our dog inside, numerous hikes (I can’t even think of counting them all), and won all her tennis matches since her surgery.

I know that many of you reading this don’t know my mom personally. But when I told people who do know her about her cancer, they all pretty much said the same thing. My mom is the toughest person out there. If anyone could beat cancer (and completely kick its ass), she could.

I promise to keep you all updated on my mom’s journey. The one thing everyone in my family has learned over the last month is that cancer is not a straight line journey. There will be some twists and turns. But after all the twists and turns, I can’t see anything else for my mom in the future other than beating this.

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