One thing that I’ve found in common with most people with eating disorders is the love/hate relationship people have with their scale.
I used to love my scale. I would weigh myself dozens of times a day. After I ate a meal, after taking a shower, after using the bathroom, before and after a workout. I was obsessed with the daily fluctuations of the numbers on my scale. I learned how to manipulate it to my advantage before I had weigh ins at my therapist. If I had a huge meal before I was going to see her, I knew exactly what to do to make the scale be either the same or only a little higher than what it was last time. As much as I’ve tried to forget some of these things, some of it is stuck in my head. I will always remember that the Chinese food binge that I enjoyed would add 5 pounds on the scale. The gain was a mix of the amount of food and the bloating from sodium.
The scale that I had back then broke. I was devastated. I couldn’t bring myself to buy a new scale. That old one was my friend and I trusted it. And that exact model wasn’t made anymore so I couldn’t find an exact replacement.
After a few months of not having a scale. My mom bought one for me without me knowing it. If I had known she was going to do that, I would have told her no. I didn’t want another scale. I didn’t know if I could trust another one.
I’ve had that new scale for several years now. I’m still obsessed with the number on it, so I make a big effort to only step on the scale once a day. That doesn’t happen all the time, but I’m trying.
But recently, my scale has been showing signs of it not working quite right. I’ll weigh myself and somehow I’m 8 pounds lower than yesterday. I step off and get back on, and I’m at 1 pound less than yesterday. If I step on it a few times in a row in the morning, it can be as big as a 10 pound difference.
This is a huge problem for me and keeping my mind in the right mindset. So with the long weekend ahead, I think I’m going to venture out to Bed, Bath, & Beyond (with a coupon), and look into getting a new scale. I might go for a less high-tech one because I feel that might help the lifespan of my scale. Right now, my scale does weight and body fat and has 3 profiles on it for different family members. I don’t need all of that.
All I need is a scale that I can use and hopefully love more than hate.
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