Considering my history of panic attacks, I’ve been doing much better lately than when compared to the past. I don’t medicate myself anymore for panic attacks, which is a huge thing to me. And almost all my attacks are during predictable moments. I have noticed that new things do sometimes cause them, but then those become predictable too. For example, wearing a mask makes me feel claustrophobic at times and then that brings on a panic attack. I’ve been working on figuring out a good mask that won’t cause this, but so far it’s been tough. But it won’t stop me from wearing a mask.
One of the most common reasons I have panic attacks is when I have to go to the dentist. This has been an issue for me for almost all of my adult life (maybe as a kid too, but I don’t recall having bad panic attacks as a kid). I know going into my appointments that I will likely have a panic attack, and I do what I can to prepare for them. And I do work hard with all dental stuff I can do at home to make my appointments easier. Unfortunately, since I have genetically bad teeth, doing everything right doesn’t always mean that I won’t get bad news when I go in for a cleaning. But I at least do my part to make these appointments as stress-free as possible.
But even with doing everything I can, sometimes I just have a bad panic attack. And that’s what happened this week. I wasn’t doing that bad before my appointment. I didn’t have nightmares the same way that I usually do and my heart wasn’t racing my entire drive there. But as soon as I got out of my car, the panic hit me like a wave. It was a pretty big attack and I took some time trying to calm my breathing down and stop sweating before going into my appointment. But I still wasn’t doing that great when I walked in. I’m sure I looked horrible, but fortunately, the dentist understands that I can’t control my panic attacks and she really does try to work with me.
She made the appointment as easy as she could. She immediately checked my teeth to confirm I didn’t need any fillings or any other major dental work. Knowing that normally stops my attack, but this time it only brought it down a bit. I was still shaking and struggling to breathe normally. So my dentist tried to work as quickly as she could while not rushing and missing things. And she used some topical numbing gel to make sure I don’t have any pain while she was working quickly. I don’t usually have pain at my appointments, but I’m glad she was trying to make things better. And for the most part, my appointment went quickly except when they had to fix one piece of equipment in the middle that wasn’t working the way it should.
When I left my appointment, I was a bit annoyed with myself. I hate that something that isn’t a big deal can cause such big panic attacks. I hate that this attack was so bad when it hasn’t been like this for a long time. I know it’s not my fault that this happens to me, but I still blame myself. I know that sometimes I don’t have much of an attack before or during an appointment, so maybe the next time will be better. Or it might be like this appointment or worse. I really never know until it happens and I just have to get through it. I know there’s nothing wrong with having panic attacks or anything to be embarrassed about. But it’s still something I hate about myself.
But at least even with the bad panic attack this time, my appointment went well and I was back in my car headed home in under an hour. And I don’t have to worry about going in again for another cleaning for 4 more months.
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