I Am Stronger (or How A Tweet Was An Ah-Ha Moment)

A twitter friend of mine mentioned that they were going to be overhauling their diet and starting to try to get back on track this week. I tweeted my support and told her that if she needed a sounding board or anything, I am here for her. Then she mentioned that she has had issues with food in the past, and then I tweeted something that sounded silly to me at first.

To quote myself: “Eating disorders are a bitch. I just want to prove that I am stronger than it.”

I said it as almost a joke at first. But when I re-read what I wrote, I realized how much that it summed up my feelings about my eating disorder.

This will be a forever battle for me. I know, understand, and accept that. But I’d like to sometimes win that battle.

I know that slip-ups and setbacks are going to happen for the rest of my life. But I’d rather those be rare and “normal” eating be the norm versus the other way around.

I just want to have some wins in my battle. And sadly, those seem to be few and far between.

But I’m working on it. I just got approval from a doctor to take the new medication that is approved for binge eating disorders. I have no idea if this will help me, but the plan is to try the medication for a month and then reevaluate things. There are some side effects that worry me, but I have to try this. If it helps, that would be awesome. If it doesn’t, at least I know I tried it. Any help that I can get in my battle the better.

I wish that motivation could be enough to help me, but sadly it isn’t. And with this new hip surgery dependent on me losing weight, I know I have to do this more than ever. I went through this same thing with my first hip surgery and that is what brought me to doing the UCLA RFO program. While I know that that can get the weight off me, it doesn’t help keep the weight off me (if anything, it makes it worse). So while I’m in the same circumstance as before, I want to do this the right way this time. And since the surgery is not nearly as urgent as the first surgery, I’m allowing myself the time to lose my weight.

I will keep you all updated on how I do on this new medication. Depending on when I have time to pick it up, I might not be able to start taking it until this weekend or possibly even next week (sadly, I cannot pick this up at the 24 hour pharmacy). And even though I will be starting it, the doctor has no idea if the dosage will be correct so even if it works it might take months to start seeing results. I’ve gone through this with my panic meds before, so I know that I need to be patient and maybe this will not be the right medication for me.

But at least I will be finding out if I have a new “weapon” on my side in this battle.

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1 Week On Vyvanse (or Hoping To Answer Some Questions) A Year On Vyvanse (or Help Is Expensive) Binge Eating In The Media (or More Help Might Be On The Way) Honesty Time (or Going Backwards) Getting Out Of A Food Funk (or I Need To Get Back To My Good Work) Seeing My Heart Rate Spike (or What It’s Like Working Out On The New Medication)