It’s so crazy that it’s already December. This year feels like it didn’t happen, but I think part of that is similar to what happened last year with the pandemic. I didn’t get to fully live my life the way I’m used to, but in other ways I created new things within my life. But still, this year is almost done and that just seems bonkers!
And since it’s the beginning of the last month of the year, it’s also time for me to review last month’s challenge and plan out this month’s challenge. Last month, my monthly challenge was to be more excited in my life. I knew I needed this challenge because I was feeling like I focused more on negatives and preparing for the worst and it was really starting to affect my life. I know I did this partially as a coping or protection mechanism because of some things happening in my life, but I knew last month I needed to move on from that feeling.
And I think I did a pretty good job with this challenge. A lot of the things that were causing me to focus on the negative were out of my life. I also worked on trying to make plans or have more things in my life that make me happy. Things are still not perfect and I do still worry about things more than I probably should, but I think the balance is much more toward the positive and excitement than to the negative. And just like with so many of these types of challenges, the biggest progress has been in my ability to recognize when my thoughts are getting this way and being able to take action sooner than I did before.
And for my last challenge this year, I have decided to do something that I have struggled with for a while but I have taken steps toward progress recently. This month, I challenge myself to speak up more for myself. This isn’t about being bossy or not listening to others, but about being a better advocate for myself.
I struggle a lot with this because I feel like speaking up could make me seem difficult or unlikeable. But I need to get over that feeling because I shouldn’t have to tolerate something that I’m not ok with just to assume the other person is going to be upset with me if I say otherwise. And this is something I struggle with in both my personal life and my work life.
For my personal life, I see this being an issue most with dating. There is the idea of being the cool girl and not pushing for things or stating you might want something more than what a situation is at the moment. I don’t think I was ever fully like that, but I know I didn’t speak up a lot in the past when I could have done so. I shouldn’t have to fear asking for what I want. If me saying I want to find something serious scares someone off, then they never would have been right for me. There is a saying that you will never be too much for the right person. I have to remember that. It would be better to stay single than to tolerate multiple half relationships where I don’t say what I really am hoping to find. I’ve been getting better at this, but there’s still a lot of work to go and fear to get over.
And for work, I’ve gotten much better about this, especially recently. There are a lot of systems at my job that just don’t make sense or work for me. And for many of them, there doesn’t seem to be a reason why things are like that other than that’s how it was done before and how we were trained. But as the company grows, there’s no reason to avoid change. But unless someone speaks up and explains why a system isn’t working, there’s no way for those in charge to know and look into alternatives.
I feel like I do have an advantage with this since one of the executives at the company is a friend of mine. And when he was sitting in with me while I worked, I was able to be very blunt and honest about systems that just make work harder than it needs to be. I know that this really is a benefit with this job that I can keep in mind when discussing ideas like this with other jobs. But it’s still the same idea about not fearing I will be fired because I bring up a concern.
I hope that I find some good ways to speak up more for myself when I need to this month. I know that I am worth asking for what I want or expressing when things don’t seem right to me, but sometimes it’s hard to believe that in the moment.
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