Category Archives: Tough Stuff

There’s No Problem With Orangetheory (or My Side Of The Article)

Posted on December 22, 2015 | 4 comments

A little over a month ago, I got an email from a writer from Refinery 29. They were doing a story on Orangetheory and wanted to hear about my experience! I was so excited that someone wanted to talk to me about my workouts and agreed to a phone call with them later that day. I actually got the email while at Orangetheory so I mentioned something to the studio owner about how I was being interviewed and he seemed excited for me as well.

As soon as my phone interview started, I knew that this writer really didn’t want to hear about my Orangetheory experience. She saw my post about when I tore my calf and was asking questions about how the workout caused my injury and how they wouldn’t help me or offer me modifications. I think that any of you who are regular readers on here know that is not the case at all. Orangetheory is the first place that took my hip issues seriously and was willing to work with me to figure out how to still get in a great workout. I wasn’t happy about the interview and told some friends how I felt like she was reaching for a story that didn’t exist. But I figured that after the writer spoke to me that she wouldn’t include me in the article anymore because I was not injured because of my workouts.

Well, yesterday the article went live.

Refinery29

The article now has the click-bait title of “This Gym Chain NEEDS To Address This Important Issue”. But there really isn’t an issue that I can tell in the article. The writer went to one class and wasn’t happy with the modification options she got (she told me during our phone interview that they showed modifications but they weren’t exactly what she needed and she didn’t ask for any more help). She got the impression that nobody gets modifications and interviewed me about my injury and another member about their involvement in the weight loss challenge (I won’t be discussing what the other member talked about since I don’t know them).

The author made is seem like I had a white out of pain, complained, and my coach did nothing. That’s not how it happened at all. I’ve had white out pain issues since 2005 with my hips. Pre-surgery, I was having them dozens of times a day on average and on my bad days I’d have them with almost every step. I’m still having them 2-3 times a day, but that’s such a huge improvement over what it’s been. So the white outs don’t worry me too much.

When I tore my calf, I took a single step on the treadmill, felt a pop in my leg, and had a white out. I immediately went over to the bike because I knew I didn’t want to be on the treadmill anymore. The coach came over to me and asked if I was ok. I said that it was hurting to walk and I showed her the bruise on my leg (we had no way of knowing that was a sign of a torn calf because it looked like a normal bruise). My coach gave me modifications so I wouldn’t have to use my legs a ton for that workout and encouraged me to go to a doctor to get checked out before working out again.

While I didn’t go to a doctor, consulting with my parents helped me realize that it was a torn calf. All the things I was reading online said that doing low or no impact workouts can help fix the muscle sooner because it will keep blood flow going. I knew this from after my hip surgery because my surgeon told me that if I could go back to the gym as soon as possible, I’d have an easier recovery. And I was in the gym with my dad on the recumbent bike about 24 hours after my hip surgery. I did low impact workouts while I healed and shocked my surgeon about how fast I recovered. So why would I do anything different with a torn calf?

All the coaches gave me modifications if I asked and encouraged me to take it easy or rest if I needed to. They helped me figure out good stretches to do to help and encouraged me to do more foam rolling. They also helped me realize that getting calf sleeves would help my recovery and my future workouts.

But they were not the ones pushing me to be back in class right away. They understood that I wanted to be there because I had a routine and momentum and didn’t want to fall back into my old habits of only sporadically working out. In the past, I’ve used injuries as excuses to sit on my couch and do nothing. I’m not going to do that now.

From the comments on the article so far, it seems like most other members agree with me. Orangetheory is for everyone at every level. Yes, you might have to ask for specific modifications (as I’m quoted in the article, you have to be your own advocate and can’t depend on others to know what you need). But they have been the most flexible workout program I’ve ever been a part of. They are not scared by the fact that I’m heavy, not in the best shape, and have lots of physical issues.

I’ve dealt with trainers who don’t want to push me because I’m having a tough time, but I need to be pushed to be better. I’ve been in classes where they are so scared by my hip issues that they don’t give me a modification in fear that their modification will hurt me. And I’ve been in group workouts where I’m talked down to because the teacher assumes that I don’t understand what’s going  on and need everything dumbed down for me.

At Orangetheory, they respect me for who I am and what my goals are. They will push me and if I say that I can’t do more because of a particular reason, they will back off then but push me in other parts of the workout. And there’s nothing wrong with that. We are all in the workout to be pushed because we don’t push ourselves on our own.

I know that my blog doesn’t get the attention that Refinery 29 gets. But I want to make sure that my side of the story is heard and not just the bits and pieces of the interview that the writer has decided to share. If she included my entire interview, it would have included much of what I said here. I praised Orangetheory for being for all levels and for not being scared to work with me. I said that it was a coincidence that my calf tore in class because it could have just as easily torn getting in or out of my car that day. And I said that I went back to class right away because I wanted to, not because I was pushed or tricked into it.

To my Orangetheory family, I hope you know that the article does not reflect how I feel about you at all. I love that you guys have become my workout family and that you all care about my well-being (as well as everyone else’s). You guys make sure that everyone working out has a great class and feels like they had the best workout ever. I don’t think that you caused my calf injury or didn’t give me all the help and support I could need. You guys really are the first people who make me feel like I’m an athlete and not just someone lumbering through a workout class. Thank you for being there for me, encouraging me, and making me realize how strong I truly am.

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Default ThumbnailWorkouts With Modifications (or Dealing With A New Injury) Default ThumbnailInjury After Injury (or I Swear It’s Not Because I’m A Klutz) Default ThumbnailWeek 1 Of Orangetheory (or Wow, I’m 1/8 Of The Way Done With My Challenge!) Default ThumbnailTransitioning Back To Normal (or Going Slow) Default ThumbnailWeek 3 Of Orangetheory (or Pushing Myself Even In Extreme Pain) Default ThumbnailMaking Ends Meet (or Needing a Side Job to My Side Job)

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A Week On The Bike (or Ending My Year By Taking It A Bit Easy)

Posted on December 21, 2015 | 2 comments

Since the week before I started to have some horrible shin splint issues while working out, I decided to go a bit easier on myself this week. I didn’t want to hurt myself more by testing myself on the treadmill, so I did all my cardio this week on the bike.

The bike is fine. I used it for a while after my calf tear so it’s not too odd for me. But I’m not sure if my body position is affecting the heart rate monitor or if I’m really not getting my heart rate up as high as I should on the bike. I couldn’t worry too much about the heart rate this week since I knew the bike would be the best option for me.

We had some run/row work (so bike/row for me), and that helped to make the bike feel more normal. But despite the lack of increased heart rate on the bike, I still did as much as I could on all other aspects of my workout.

Rowing after being on the bike is a bit funny. My legs don’t feel right so I wasn’t able to get my wattage as high as I know I can. But I still successfully completed all my rows (most were sprints but there were some distance ones). The transition between the bike and row isn’t as smooth as the transition from treadmill to row, but since I don’t plan on being on the bike long-term I’m not allowing myself to focus on that too much.

Besides the odd cardio, I’m feeling really great about my workouts this week. I was really pushing myself a lot on my weights and I’m getting closer and closer to using the 20 pound weights for most of my work. I’m doing squats, deadlifts, pullovers, and bicep curls with that weight. But my lateral arm work is still a weak point so I was using 12 (or sometimes 10) pound weights.

It’s tough to know when I should push myself with the weights. When there are too many reps, it’s not easy to go with the heavier weights. And I know that I can have multiple sets of weights at my station so I can use what I need to, but I’m so focused on the workout that I don’t like to switch weights in the middle of a set. Just like how I was weirded out by upping my weights, I need to get over my issues with having a bunch of weights at my station.

On the straps, I was able to do some things that a few months ago would have been close to impossible. I did reverse lunges with front hops this week, and before I would have done a set of lunges followed by a set of front hops to make things easier on me. But I was able to do the set the way that we were supposed to without modifications. We also did a new move (called a golf swing) on the straps and I was feeling very successful at that move (I still feel it in my abs).

On the floor, I’m still struggling with several ab moves. If my legs have to be lifted or in the air, it can be extremely painful on my hips. So I’m doing a lot of boring regular sit-ups or crutches as my modifications. I was able to do a rotating hip dip from a plank this week (it was the first time that I had to do those) and it wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be. Hopefully that means that my core strength is getting much better and that the stronger core is protecting my hips more (which it’s supposed to do).

I’ve got 2 more weeks of workouts to go before the end of the year and I’ve got 6 workouts before I hit my 2015 workout goal. I feel pretty confident that I will reach my goal this year (thanks to many weeks in a row of 4 workouts to make up for the lack of workouts earlier). I still can’t believe that by New Year’s Eve I will have done 175 workouts. That seems insane to me! Without a doubt, 2015 will be my most workout filled year so far (I’m not counting when I was in elementary/middle/high school with PE classes). But I’m looking forward to topping this record in 2016!

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Default ThumbnailManaging My Setbacks (or Taking My Time With Adjustments) Default ThumbnailA Full Workout Week (or Sticking With My Plan) Default ThumbnailBalancing My Workouts (or Doing Some Planning) Default ThumbnailNew Year’s Workouts (or Ending 2016 and Starting 2017 With Orangetheory) Default ThumbnailA Week Of Bike Work (or Working Through Nausea and Pain) Default ThumbnailA Week Back On The Bike (or Focusing On The Good)

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Weird Health Issues (or I’m Just Falling Apart)

Posted on December 18, 2015 | 1 comment

I’ve been dealing with some odd and annoying health issues lately. I have no clue what happened to me or if these things are even related, but I’m getting really sick of all this.

Of course, I always have the issues with my hips. Those are never ending and while they are annoying, it’s expected. I’ve got my painkiller routine down to a science and I’m pretty good at managing my pain. And I’m still recovering from the calf tear, but again I’m getting good at managing that too. But those are health things that I plan will affect me pretty often.

Right after Thanksgiving, I started having the strangest pain in my right arm. It started as dull pain in my shoulder, elbow, and top of my hand. Then it turned into my arm and hand being numb each morning for a while before regaining the feeling in it (it’s similar to when your hand falls asleep but lasts longer). This has been affecting me quite a bit. My painkillers don’t really touch the pain and not having feeling in my arm in the morning isn’t good. I’ve learned how to put in my contacts with my left hand and I sometimes have to wait a bit after waking up before getting dressed for the day.

I’ve mentioned this pain to my parents, but they agree that if I went to the doctor right away, their response would be to wait and come back if the pain is still there in a month or so (very similar to what I was told originally with my hip). My mom recommended an anti-inflamatory supplement and to take fish oil or flax oil (I had a bad reaction to the fish oil so I’m taking flax oil). The pain is still pretty bad, but isn’t slowly feeling better and I’m numb a little less every morning.

I thought that would be it for now, but then a few days ago I started having problems with my right eye. It’s nothing too bad (just watering a lot and my contact lens feeling funny), but when you’ve had back to back health issues the littlest thing can annoy you.

I still haven’t been to the doctor yet because the arm pain has been less than a month, but I’m starting to think that I might need to go in to see if this is something I should worry about (when I google it nothing good comes up). I’m normally very on top of my health issues, but that seems to be more when I know what caused something. Right now, everything I’ve got going on is a big mystery and might not be related to each other. I’m trying to wait it out, but I’m impatient.

Of course, I’m betting now that I’m writing this post somehow all my weird things are going to disappear within a day or two. It’s like when you take your car to the mechanic to get it fixed because you hear a weird noise and when they look at it the noise is gone. I joked to my parents that I’m falling apart in my not-so-old age, but I’m really just hoping that these are very random and unrelated things and not something I need to worry about.

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Learning About “Breaking Vegan” (or An Amazing Book Giveaway!)

Posted on December 17, 2015 | 3 comments

I’m so excited to share this amazing book and giveaway with you all! But before I get to that, I wanted to give you a little back story.

I first heard of Jordan Younger when her blog post about ending her vegan diet went viral. She used to blog under the name The Blonde Vegan and changed her name to The Balanced Blonde to reflect her new lifestyle. I heard of her because I know the blogger The Balanced Brunette and someone mentioned the name similarity.

I had read the post about Jordan ending her vegan diet and was very proud of her. She had discovered that from the restrictions of the vegan diet that her food choices became more and more restrictive and ended up turning into orthorexia. There was a lot of backlash from her post including vegans being angry for her eating animal products again and from other people who didn’t believe that orthorexia was a real thing.

I could relate to people not understanding an eating disorder. I had the same issue with my binge eating disorder. At first, it wasn’t recognized as an eating disorder. When I was first diagnosed, it was classified as a non-purging bulimic and there wasn’t any help for me. And people (including some in the medical field) thought that it wasn’t real and that it was just an issue of me liking food too much. So to have a name, a diagnosis, and a treatment plan was a huge relief for me.

Jordan was able to get help for her eating disorder as well. After her post went viral, I started following her on social media and realized that she also works out at Orangetheory! And one day, I noticed her name on the heart rate monitor screen and introduced myself.

Jordan is seriously such an amazing woman and so open about her story. And with all that she learned through the beginning of her journey with her eating disorder, she wrote a book called “Breaking Vegan”.

The Balanced Blonde

Since Jordan knew me through Orangetheory she offered to send me a copy so I could check it out! I got it and started reading it immediately.

Breaking Vegan

What struck me the most (and what has stuck me with so many eating disorder stories) is how similar her story is to mine. Our eating disorders are very different, but so much the same. They start with small choices (both of us started with disordered eating issues as children) and balloon out of control without really realizing it. Jordan’s book is very well written and beautifully laid out. Her story includes photos of her throughout her journey and in the back there are some great recipes for healthy meals (I’ll hopefully be making some of those soon!).

I understand that there is some controversy with the title because not everyone who goes vegan develops an eating disorder. But this story is a personal story of what happened to Jordan and how her discovering a vegan lifestyle helped to make her eating disorder come out. It would be the same as if I said that ice cream created my binge eating disorder (it didn’t, but that’s an example). Of course it’s not the fault of ice cream, but that ice cream led me down the path to the eating disorder that I believe I was genetically at risk for.

I highly recommend this book both to those who have an eating disorder as well as those who don’t. Those who have an eating disorder may find comfort in knowing that you aren’t alone, crazy, or weird. That’s how I felt reading this. And those without an eating disorder can see how easy it is to spiral an eating habit into an eating disorder and get an idea of the mindset of someone with an eating disorder and why it’s so difficult to overcome them.

Of course, I recommend everyone buying the book, but I’m also giving away a copy! You just need to enter through Rafflecopter below and you do as many of the entry options as you want (the tweet option is available every day!). The contest will end at 12am on Christmas Day so I will be playing Jewish Santa and emailing the winner on Christmas!

a Rafflecopter giveaway
I hope that you all enter this giveaway and even if you don’t win you read this book. We should all support Jordan for sharing her story because it is so difficult to do! If more people were open with their eating disorders, I believe that more people would reach out for help and would realize that they don’t have to be alone in this journey.

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Finishing The 12 Days Of Fitness (or Some PRs and Some Setbacks)

Posted on December 14, 2015 | 3 comments

It was another 4 workout week for me this past week. It’s still tough to do that many workouts in a week, but I need to do it to hit my 2015 workout goal!

My Monday class was my final 7:30am workout due to my improv class. I still might have to do occasional 7:30am workouts, but they won’t be on a regular basis (unless my next improv class is at the same time). This week was the end of the 12 Days Of Fitness challenge. And even though I wasn’t there for all 12 days, I still wanted to do my best each of the days that I was there.

Monday was a 7 minute challenge on the treadmill. I’ve done these before and they always kick my butt because I push myself harder on the treadmill than I usually do (and maybe harder than I should at times). I try to keep photos of my PRs on my phone so I can always check to see what my past workout PR was. Lat time, my PR on the 7 minute challenge was .414 miles. I haven’t beaten a PR since my torn calf, so I didn’t really have any expectations for this 7 minute challenge.

For this 7 minute challenge, I did try to push the treadmill speed up as I went along. I kept the incline at 6% for the entire time, and I did get it to go pretty fast by the end. When I hit the stop button for the end of the challenge, I was very pleased by what I saw!

OTF 7 Minute Challenge

This was a .007 mile increase over my last PR. It’s not a huge different, but it’s a difference in the right direction! My goal one day is to be able to do half a mile in 7 minutes (although I don’t ever expect that to be how fast I can walk during a 5K). Baby steps toward my ultimate goal is the way I need to be! And having my first PR since my calf injury was really a great feeling for me. I felt like I was maybe finally at the end of my recovery (it’s been taking forever!).

Wednesday was another tough day, but part of that was due to me feeling a bit off. I started some new supplements this past week and I’m pretty sure I had a negative reaction to one of them. So I actually don’t remember a ton from my Wednesday workout because my head was so foggy that entire day.

Friday was another tough challenge. The plan was to do a mile on the treadmill during one segment and a mile on the rower during another segment. Since I’m a power walker, I only had to do a half mile (and since the time limit was 11 minutes I wasn’t going to push myself for the mile). I felt fine at first, but then I started to get horrible shin splints. I’m not quite sure what happened, but that half mile was one of the most painful half miles I’ve ever done. My row wasn’t fabulous, but I did get it done in just over 8 minutes (my goal was under 8 minutes but since it was at the end of my workout I was exhausted).

I thought that maybe the shin splints on Friday was a one day thing, but when I worked out on Saturday they returned. There was someone else on the bike for a while, so I had to stay on the treadmill until almost the end of the workout and then I moved. I’m not sure what I did to cause this pain, but I’m really going to be cautious now. I’m thinking maybe taking a break and being on the bike this week might be a good thing for me. I can still do decent cardio work on the bike, and maybe my legs just need a break from all the 4 workout weeks.

Overall, I’d say I had a very successful week at Orangetheory. It wasn’t the best week I’ve had, but at the same time I wasn’t as upset with myself with the setbacks as I have in the past.

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Adventures In Car Repairs (or It’s Better Than New)

Posted on December 4, 2015 | Comments Off on Adventures In Car Repairs (or It’s Better Than New)

When I was driving down to San Diego, I was about half of the way through the trip when suddenly I heard a horrible noise coming from the bottom of my car. It was so loud that it covered up the noise of my radio. I thought that maybe I blew a tire (that’s happened before) so I pulled over to the side of the road and contacted 511 (which is the highway roadside service).

When the 511 guy arrived, I explained that I heard a horrible noise from under my car and had no idea what caused it. He looked at all my tires and under my car and couldn’t find anything. He said that maybe I had hit something and was dragging it but it’s gone now.

I got back into my car and continued my drive, but the horrible noise continued. I even called my parents and asked if I should take my car to a mechanic that night to have it fixed in the morning. They told me not to, so I went straight to the rental house.

I had done some online research and some people reported a similar noise to what I had and it was a rock caught in the wheel. So my dad and I tried to dislodge anything that might have been in there the next morning and it seemed to make the noise go away considerably.

The rest of my trip in San Diego the noise continued to happen in my car, so when I got back to LA I took it to the repair shop that I now use (they are the ones who fixed the water pump in my car when I was towed home from San Diego).

At first, they thought it might be a $4000 repair and I freaked out. My car may not even be worth that much, but it’s cheaper than a new car. I told the shop that I’d wait until they knew what the problem was because I knew that I’d be panicking at home waiting for what they had to say. About an hour later, they told me that they had some somewhat good news.

It wasn’t the $4000 repair, but instead it was an issue with my wheel that they had mentioned to me last time I was there (it didn’t need to be fixed then so I didn’t do it). They also noticed that my axle was looking close to breaking, so they encouraged me to fix that too.

All of these things were adding up, so I asked them if they could do any sort of deal for me since it was a lot of work and I don’t have a lot of money. They quoted me a price that was expensive but I could deal with (thanks to the Hanukkah check I had gotten from my grandma at Thanksgiving), and I left my car at the shop overnight to be fixed.

The next day I was able to pick up my car. They honored the price that they had quoted me even though the repair ended up being more expensive (the bill reflects about $150 discount on the price). And not only is the noise gone from under my car, it drives better now than it did when I got it in 2008 (I bought it used)!

It’s funny that this happened to my car when it did. I was talking with my dad at Thanksgiving about having to get new tires soon for my car and how much that would cost. My dad asked me how much longer I was planning on keeping my car. Honestly, I want to keep my car for at least another 3 or 4 years (preferable more unless I win the lottery or something). So he said that putting money into the car is just what you have to do to keep it going. And my dad knows about that since his car is a 1992 Subaru SVX and he just decided recently that he might get a new car soon.

I know that these are all things you have to deal with as a responsible adult, but my financial situation really doesn’t allow for these sorts of things. I’m working on budgeting right now, but my priority on my budget is getting my credit card debt eliminated. That’s not going to happen anytime soon (unless again, I win the lottery), but I’m taking baby steps toward it. This repair isn’t helping that goal, but it is helping me not have to spend more money down the line on more expensive car repairs or a new car sooner than I want to get one.

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Another Shooting (or Enough Is Enough)

Posted on December 3, 2015 | 1 comment

As a girl, society has taught me to be scared of many things. Many of those things are about men. I’ve been taught to not walk alone at night because a man might rob, rape, or murder me. I’ve been taught to smile and say hello or thank you to a stranger who speaks to me so I don’t make them upset. I’ve been taught to wear a fake wedding ring if I want to prevent men from hitting on me. I’ve been taught not to outright turn a man down if I’m not interested because that can cause them to become violent. I’ve been taught that I should not give a man my address if we are dating until I can trust him because I don’t want him appearing at my home unannounced.

I know that not all men will do these things, but there are bad seeds that we have to worry about. And the good guys out there will do what they can to make sure that I’m not in those situations (walking me to my car or pretending to be my boyfriend to stop a guy from hitting on me).

But I never really had to be fearful of guns.

Until now.

Now I need to be careful when I go to a school because I might be shot. I need to be careful going to work because I might be shot. I need to be careful going to a medical facility because I might be shot. I need to be careful going into public places or near crowds because I might be shot. I need to be careful going into a foreign country because I might be shot.

I’m usually not taking a strong political stance on here, but serious this is getting ridiculous. There have been so many mass shootings lately. In fact there were multiple mass shootings yesterday but the others weren’t reported on because the one in San Bernardino was bigger.

There needs to be some sort of gun control policy set to help prevent these crimes. I’m aware that there isn’t a way to stop all mass shootings, but guns and bullets are far too easy for unstable people to get a hold of. I’m aware that there are thousands of responsible gun owners. They can keep their guns. In fact, many of my gun owning friends are in favor of more gun control and regulation. Why not require background checks and licenses? Is that so unreasonable?

The responsible gun owners are like the good guys who walk me to my car because I’m scared of being attacked. They understand why I (and others) are fearful and are willing to do what needs to be done to help prevent the fear. Why can’t more people see that? I don’t know a single person who is for gun control who wants guns to be banned or taken away from responsible gun owners.

I have a couple of friends who had a friend injured in the shooting yesterday. From what I understand, their friend is going to pull through. But the friends and families of the 14 people who were killed for no reason yesterday will not have that good news. They will be mourning the loss of someone who was killed because they happened to be at a holiday party at a building. That’s not a reason to die.

As much as I want to say that this act of violence will change things and that politicians will wake up and realize a difference needs to be made, I doubt that would happen. I was so sure that would happen after Sandy Hook. But instead of seeing the tragedy of children and their teacher being killed while in school, some politicians said that teachers need to be armed to prevent this. So I’m guessing that the response this time is that all employees should carry guns just in case someone will come into their workplace and shoot. Not prevent that person from coming into their workplace with a gun.

Sorry for the rambling post. I’m pissed and saddened that this is happening again. Hopefully one day, we will look back at this time and realize how stupid it was that it took so many mass shootings for the country to wake up. And I hope that realization will come within my lifetime.

NOH8

 

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The Roadrunner (or More Memories In My House)

Posted on December 2, 2015 | Comments Off on The Roadrunner (or More Memories In My House)

For several years, I’ve been getting things of my grandparents’ to put into my house.

This started when my grandparents were selling their house and moving to their apartment. They had to do a big downsizing and lots of things were given to various family members. While I didn’t really get any pieces of furniture, I got some cool things from my grandpa’s office. That never felt weird because since they were downsizing, they chose to give those things away. And none of the things I got had significant memories to me because they were mainly things from my grandpa’s office (I wasn’t in his office that often in their house).

Then after my grandpa died, I got more things that belonged to my grandparents because my grandma was moving from the apartment she shared with my grandpa into a smaller apartment.

Some of the things I got then were sent to me by my parents (like the mattress from the guest room) and were selected for me. Some things were things that I specifically asked to get to keep (like the martini swords I got). And some things were things that I saw right before the old apartment was closed up when I went to lunch with my grandma and aunt. Everything that nobody had claimed was in the living room and I was allowed to select anything that I thought was cool and wanted to keep. I took a couple of things, but again they weren’t really things that had specific memories for me.

When I went down to San Diego for Thanksgiving, I knew I’d be bringing back the bear made from my grandpa’s sweaters. The bears had been shipped to my parents’ house, so I didn’t get to pick mine out until Thanksgiving. But I wasn’t expecting to take anything else home with me.

But when I was hanging out with my parents the night I arrived, I saw two painting from my grandparents’ house sitting in the rental house. I asked my mom why they were there, and she said that they were taking them back to their house because they had previously been stored.

One painting I’m not sure where it was in my grandparents’ house. But the other painting was very familiar to me. It used to be in the kitchen eating area of my grandparents’ house. I always called it “The Roadrunner” because it reminded me of the roadrunner in the cartoons. I think my brother and cousins might have called it that as well, but I’m not too sure.

I told my mom that I’d like to have The Roadrunner one day because I’ve always loved that painting. My parents then decided that they really didn’t have a place for The Roadrunner to be in their house, so I could take the painting home with me when I drove back to LA (thank goodness I have a decent sized car).

The day after I got back to LA, my parents came to my house for the afternoon. They were driving up to Santa Barbara to see my brother and sister-in-law and made a stop by me to have lunch, see my house, and help me do projects in my house. Fortunately, almost all the projects in my house were already done (I installed the a/c without my dad being there). But my parents did help me hang The Roadrunner in my living room.

New Decorations

Right below The Roadrunner is the acrylic chair I got from my grandparents’ apartment (it was my grandma’s makeup vanity chair in there) and on the chair is my bear.

I love having these things in my house, but it is a bit odd having The Roadrunner in there. I have thousands of memories of that hanging in my grandparents’ kitchen and even though I haven’t seen it in that space in years the memories are still strong. I’m almost doing double takes every time I pass it because it doesn’t feel quite right yet that it’s with me and not with my grandma.

It’s weird that this painting is the first thing that made me feel like I’m stealing something from my grandparents (which is not the case at all) and nothing else I’ve gotten has had anything but positive feelings. It might be because of all of the memories attached or it might be because it’s the most obvious thing in my house that I’ve gotten.

I know that the weird feeling will hopefully go away soon and I will only have the feeling of gratefulness that my family let me have this painting in my house because it is special to me. And I can create new memories with The Roadrunner now.

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Grandpa Bears (or Our Thanksgiving Surprise)

Posted on November 27, 2015 | Comments Off on Grandpa Bears (or Our Thanksgiving Surprise)

When my grandpa passed away, my grandma immediately wanted us to remove his things from their apartment. I totally understood why she wanted us to do that and most of his things were either easy enough to get rid of or someone was going to take to their house (like his computer so we could get all important things off of it). But when we were in his closet, we weren’t 100% what we wanted to do with all of his clothes.

Some of the things we set aside for various family members to keep, but most of it was going to be donated to a charity. While I liked the idea of donating his clothes, I thought it might be nice to keep some of it for us to remember him by. My grandpa had some epic and colorful sweaters and didn’t want to donate those.

Grandpa Sweaters

Then I remembered seeing on a website at some point that people turn baby clothes into bears to have as keepsakes from when their kids were little. I figured if you could do that with baby clothes, we could do that with my grandpa’s clothes too. My mom and dad decided to help with the plan, and only my Aunt Cindy and Uncle Steve knew about it as well.

So I did some searching online and found several people who make memory bears. But the person who made the ones that looked best to me and my mom was Paula of Paula’s Bears. She totally understood that we had multiple sweaters and wanted to create mix and match patchwork bears. So everyone would have the same sweaters on their bear, but all the bears would look a little different. I also had some of my grandpa’s ties and Paula said we could use those for the hands and feet.

Paula was undertaking a big project for us, but fortunately we got her the sweaters and ties in April and we didn’t need the bears back until October. I had asked Paula if she could take pictures of the bears as they were being worked on because I knew we’d all love to see the process of making them.

Sweater PatternBuilding The Sweater

She cut each sweater into a bear and then mixed and matched the pieces. So each bear had a part of every sweater on it. Some had the same sweater in the same spot, but they were all a bit different.

Bear

Bears

Every time I got an update from Paula, I passed it on to my parents and we were all shocked and amazed at how the bears looked. We had no idea how they would look when they were in bear form, but Paula did such a great job making them all look perfect.

The bears were shipped to my parents house (my mom added various fraternity pins, boy scout things, and my grandpa’s dog tags to each bear to make them even more unique) and when they got the bears out of the box and lined up, we joked that we created a bear army.

Bear Army

We made enough bears for one for each single person or one for a couple to share (as an example, I get a bear but my parents will share a bear). I know that I will treasure this bear for forever and I hope that the rest of the family feels the same way about them.

Having Paula make these bears for us is such a nice way to remember someone by that doesn’t feel morbid or weird to keep in your house. I’m not totally sure where my bear will live in my house, but I know I’ll find the perfect spot for him.

If any of you are looking to have a memory or keepsake bear made, I highly recommend using Paula for them. She took so much care in making sure each bear was perfect and those touches really made all the difference. I know that tomorrow is Small Business Saturday and I really encourage you all to participate in that. Small businesses are sometimes just someone working out of their home and they can make the item you are buying even more special.

I know that having Paula was the perfect person to make these bears for my family and I’m so happy that I found her online. I know that for any future projects similar to the bears, I will be going back to her immediately. I’ve been wanting to tell you all about Paula and the bears for months, but I had to keep it a secret so that we could surprise the family. I’m glad that I can finally share her with you now!

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Checking In With Myself (or I Need To Find New Things That Make Me Happy)

Posted on November 18, 2015 | Comments Off on Checking In With Myself (or I Need To Find New Things That Make Me Happy)

Even though I think my therapist is shocked that I’m continuing to do this, I’m maintaining my daily happiness checklist. I’ve been doing this for a while now and I’m actually really glad that it’s a part of my routine. It’s good for me to reflect back on my day and make sure that I’m doing things for myself and not just because I have to.

The only thing that I’m able to check off every single day is reading. Reading makes me so incredibly happy and I could easily spend hours every day reading. But since that isn’t a reality most days, I make sure that I get to read for at least a little while before I go to bed. I can’t remember the last day that I had where I didn’t read even for a little bit. It was probably at least 5 or 6 years ago. The only thing that makes me sad about reading is when I finish a book series that I love so much and I know that there aren’t going to be any more books. But fortunately I have a very wide range of tastes when it comes to books so I’m always able to find something to read next that excites me (but I’m happy to get any book recommendations that you all have).

Reading is the only thing that gets checked off every day, but there are a couple of things that are checked off almost every day. Going to Orangetheory or working out in another way is checked off more often than it isn’t. And blogging is checked off usually at least 5 out 7 days in the week. I’m glad that I know that almost every day I’m guaranteed to have 3 things on my checklist checked off. I think 3 or 4 things out of 10 is the lowest I’ve ever been on my checklist.

I’m finally getting more checks in my acting column. Going to class once a week counts (and I count going to the shows I have to see for class as well). Getting my headshots count. And of course, auditions count but those aren’t as common and are not controllable by me. I want to focus on getting more checks in that column, but I know that that is only going to happen if it is things that I control. That is one of the things that is pushing me toward going to the next level in my improv class.

The rest of my column are super sporadic. I have a Disneyland/Outing column, but with my schedule lately there haven’t been a lot of outings. I’ll be making at least one Disneyland trip next month (I’m hoping for 2) and I know that when my schedule is calmer that I can focus on planning more fun things.

Having a meal out (another column) is another one that is pretty low on checks. I think this goes hand in hand with the lack of outings (and a lack of money). This one will get some more checks in it soon with Thanksgiving, but I’m not sure if I’m going to keep this column after I see my therapist next month.

I know that the reason my therapist had me do this list originally was to make sure that I did things that make me happy every day. But the more times I do the list, the more I’m realizing that maybe the things that I thought make me happy aren’t right. Or maybe I need to focus on different ones that fit in my circumstances better. I know that going out for dinner makes me happy, but that’s not something that would happen too often even if my money situation was different.

I’m really starting to question what makes me happy in life and if I have enough things that make me happy in my life. Maybe I need to find more happiness and that’s something that is lacking in my world. It’s weird to think that I thought that I’ve been happy when in reality I might not have been. I’m not depressed, but I might have been fooling myself with how happy I’ve been.

I’m not going to change up my checklist in the middle of it. I see my therapist is a little over a month and the checklist will remain the same until I see him. After I see him, that’s when I create the new checklist that will have the right number of days before my next appointment (usually either 60 days or 90 days later). I think reevaluating things every other month or so it’s too bad and I’m sure lots of people could benefit from doing so. Since I feel forced into it by my therapist calling it “homework”, I don’t ignore what the checklist is telling me.

I’m sure this post seems a bit like I’m rambling on. It’s a weird feeling to think that you don’t know what makes you happy and that the things you thought made you happy don’t. I’ve got a month to think about what I do in life that makes me happy and then I’ll create the checklist that will take me into the new year and hopefully I can make 2016 the happiest year that I’ve had so far.

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