This is going to be a quick post, so I apologize for that.
Just last week I was writing about how I was feeling nauseous on one of the weeks I’m normally fine because of antibiotics. I was saying how my body just needed a break and it was unfortunate timing. Well, I spoke too soon.
It’s been a while since I’ve been sick so I guess it was just time for me to catch something again. I’m pretty sure it’s just a basic cold, but it still sucks when you aren’t feeling right. I can almost guarantee I know when I caught it (I was hanging out with someone on Monday who ended up coming down with a cold on Tuesday) and hopefully this bug is out of my system quickly.
I started feeling like something was off on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. Usually before I get sick I have a weird feeling in my throat that I can only describe as feeling like I’m constantly thirsty. When that happens, I almost always am sick the next day. Since I was feeling like that on Wednesday, I took care of myself that day and made sure that I was staying hydrated. I also got some supplies in case I did get sick.
And when I woke up on Thursday, I had a full-blown cold. It’s not the worst cold I’ve had, but I’m dealing with congestion and some fogginess/headache issues. I’ve got cold medications and I’m using throat lozenges to try to keep the symptoms at bay. And I’m drinking more water than I feel like I could tolerate. I have no guarantee of how long this thing will last, but I’m hopeful that because I’m doing all the right things that it will be gone before I know it.
Being sick sucks and being sick after over a week of expected nausea and then another week of unexpected nausea is really just bad timing. I have a bad feeling that as soon as I’m over this cold I’ll be back to my usual 2 weeks of nausea and I’ll have to wait for that to end before feeling totally better. If that’s what happens, it happens. I can’t really do much about it. All I can do now is to take care of myself, get rest, and not overdo things too much.
I posted last week about going to the dentist and how my appointment ended up being split over 2 days. Last week was supposed to be a cleaning plus x-rays and the check-up from the dentist. But I only had the cleaning and my x-rays and check-up got moved to this week. But during my cleaning, we discovered a very small mark in a tooth that could turn into a cavity or worse if nothing was done. So it was decided that getting a filling would be added to my appointment this week.
I’ve had bad luck with the dentist in the past, but in the recent past things have been better. Even my last major dental work ended up being much easier than I thought it would be. And I had been reassured that this filling was even less involved than the last one so it would be super quick. But even with all that, I was still pretty nervous about everything. I had other things that distracted me from feeling panicky in the days leading up to the appointment, but when my appointment day came I was pretty shaky.
When I arrived, I saw the dental tools that were going to be used for my filling. I tried to keep reminding myself that this was going to be easy, but the fear was just building up in me and I couldn’t get worst-case scenarios out of my head.
I had my x-rays first and I was so glad that I had those this week versus last week. The things they have to put in your mouth for them aren’t the most comfortable things and I would have hated feeling like that plus being nauseous. The x-rays got done quickly and then it was just time to wait for the dentist to come look at all my teeth before doing the work.
I was still terrified that he would tell me that he found something else wrong with my teeth. While I work really hard at taking care of my teeth, genetically I have bad (or not-so-great) teeth. I try really hard to not need dental work, but it’s just something I have to deal with because of how my teeth are. Fortunately this time the dentist said that my teeth looked great and where he was going to do the filling was even smaller than he expected so it should be super easy!
Then it was time for what I knew would be the worst part for me. I had the option of getting this done without a Novocaine shot, but to me that probably would have been worse than having a shot. And it was only one shot this time instead of 2 (which seems to be the norm for me). I tried to stay calm and I did better than usual, but it still wasn’t good. I hate that shots make me cry a bit (and I think it’s just worse at the dentist because I know there is potentially more pain after the shots versus my IVs at MRIs which don’t hurt), but my dentist is used to me by now and how difficult this is for me. And he recognizes that I’m doing better even if it’s still not easy.
The shot took effect really quickly and they were able to get started on the work. The drilling was maybe 15 seconds and then they were putting the filling in where they drilled. They dried it with the light and checked my bite so they could file it down to keep my bite aligned. And in under 5 minutes from the time I had the shot they were done! It was almost ridiculous how quickly it was over! I knew it would be fast so I wouldn’t have to watch a movie while they worked to distract me, but I did have my headphones so I could listen to Spotify or something while they were drilling. But that wasn’t needed. With the exception of the shot, it was easier than a cleaning!
I was out of there in no time and ready to go on with my day. I was very numb for a while so I had to be careful not to bite my lip by accident, but I think I did do that when trying to eat some lunch so I’m a bit sore now. But honestly this appointment ended up being ridiculously easy so having a minor issue after the fact didn’t bug me too much. I was just glad I got through this and that it really was worse in my head than it really was. I rarely believe things would be easier than they are, but I think that idea is worse than preparing for something that wasn’t needed.
I know that for some people going to the dentist isn’t a big deal and they don’t even worry when they need dental work done. They probably think I’m crazy with how big of a deal I make these appointments. And I’m starting to realized that I am overreacting from time to time, but the truth is that the fear is still very real for me and it may never go away completely. But at least it is getting better for me and I have more positive dentist memories to help outweigh the scary ones in my head.
Posted onMay 4, 2018|Comments Off on Trying To Get Past A Rough Patch (or I Know This Funk Is Temporary)
Between some not fun health issues and some not fun dating issues, I haven’t been in the best mindset lately. I’ve been trying to stay positive and believe that things are going to be ok, but I think sometimes you just have to allow yourself to be in a bad mood to help get past it. I don’t love being in a mood like this and I would prefer to be in a “fake it until you make it” mindset and try to believe that things are good, but it’s just not working for me right now.
Usually I’m able to focus on something positive that’s happening in my life but this time it seems like when I try to do that something negative happens there. I was trying to focus on how I’m lucky to have my jobs and I’m doing the social media management job that helps me make up some of the money I’m not getting with the reduced hours with one of my other jobs. But then there was a major site-wide issue with one of my jobs that had us dealing with endless customer issues (and nothing we could tell them to fix it since we were waiting on someone higher up to fix the website). And I found out this week that my social media management job ended this week. I knew the original contract I did with them was for only a month, but I was hopeful it would go on longer. But I understand why it ended and I’m trying to be hopeful that they will bring me back on when they try to do it again.
It’s weird to allow yourself to be in a dark place. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed or anything, but for sure I’m in a darker mood than my normal mood. And just to make myself clear, I’m not in any risk of harming myself or doing anything like that. I know that for some people being in a dark place makes it risky for them to be alone. I’m not thinking of hurting myself. I’m more in a mood where I’m just mad at the world and really wish I could punch something and not hurt myself. I’ve tried punching pillows or other soft things, but it’s not the same and I’m not risking breaking my hand to punch a wall.
I’ve been feeling this cycle of darkness coming for a little while and I think I just hit my breaking point with it yesterday. In some way, allowing myself to wallow in self-pity is making things better. I’m acknowledging the feelings I’ve got and I’m hoping that just letting it happen will make it go by faster. But I’m also aware that this might take a few days to get through. I know I will get through it, but sometimes in the middle of it you feel like it will be endless. But if I’m being honest with myself, I only started allowing myself to feel this way yesterday (and I felt it coming on for 2-3 days before that), so it hasn’t been forever. And even writing this all out is a bit therapeutic for me and the desire to punch a wall isn’t as strong as it was a few minutes ago.
I know that I’m lucky that I am mentally healthy enough that I am able to get through these temporary funks. I know that if I wasn’t in as good of a mindset, this could kick off something worse or lasting a long time. But I know that it will be over soon and I will be looking back at this time as a temporary blip in what is usually a pretty awesome life. And I know I have a pretty awesome life (I just realized that between this year and next I’m scheduled to go to 16 musicals!). And before I know it, I’ll be back to normal and can focus on the positive things again and let the little negative things roll off my back.
But for now, I’m letting the funk take over a bit and am enjoying spending time on my couch watching Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and HBO Go to help distract me from what is bugging me.
While it is annoying to be nauseous for about 2 weeks each month, I’m starting to get used to it. The medications I take now help to manage them better than what I could take when I was a teenager. And maybe I’m also just stronger and able to tolerate things better now. I know when I should be getting nauseous and when it will be ending. It’s not always exactly on schedule, but it’s pretty close so I’m able to prepare myself mentally for it.
My nausea ended this Monday (after I was at the dentist) and I was so happy to have it go away. I was hanging out with a friend and joking that I finally can start my 2 weeks of freedom now before I forget how bad it can be sometimes and feel sick again. But joking aside, I do look forward to the 2 weeks that I know I won’t be feeling as badly. I hate feeling nauseous and even as I get used to it, it’s never a fun feeling.
While I was hanging out with my friend on Monday, I could almost feel the nausea slip away from my body. But as I started to relax, I was feeling another off feeling coming on. I couldn’t figure out what the feeling was and just figured it was some nausea or maybe a bit of a cold. So I didn’t worry about it too much and just went on with my day.
Unfortunately, by Monday evening I was feeling worse and I knew something was wrong with me. I didn’t figure it out until the middle of the night that night when I was having to get up to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes or so.
I know that bladder infections and UTIs are pretty common for women, but I’ve been lucky. I only had one before and that was about 5 or 6 years ago. I actually didn’t know what it was at first and suffered for a few days before figuring it out. But this time, I knew that night what was wrong and I knew I’d need to go to the doctor in the morning.
Tuesday morning I managed to get an appointment with a nurse over the phone (it saves me the $50 co-pay) and she agreed that my symptoms seemed to be an infection so she wrote me a prescription and told me to come in for some lab work. I wasn’t able to do it until after I was done with work, so I went through my over the counter medications to find what I took last time to help the pain.
The good thing about not having bladder infections that often is that you don’t have them that often. The bad thing is that when you look at your medications, you discover they expired 4 years ago. I wasn’t going to take medications that expired that long ago, so I just had to suck it up while I was working. I’m lucky that I work from home because I was always only a few steps away from my bathroom. And I was drinking so much water to try to flush this out of my system.
As soon as I was done with work, I went over to the hospital. I went for my lab work first, and it was nice to be there and not have to give blood. Although I will say that having to give a urine sample while having a bladder infection (which makes it very difficult and painful to pee) is pretty awful too. But I got it done and then headed to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions and to get some more of the over the counter things I take.
The pharmacy was a bit crowded, but I was done in under 15 minutes which was nice since I was getting more and more uncomfortable. I forgot to bring some water with me to the hospital and I don’t love taking medications without water or using a drinking fountain, so I quickly drove home to take the pills and wait to feel better.
I was in a lot of pain through Tuesday evening, but yesterday I was feeling significantly better. I know I’ll keep getting better over the next few days too. Just knowing I’m getting better and that there is an end in sight does help with how uncomfortable and painful things can be.
Of course, medications have side effects and the antibiotic I’m taking is making me feel nauseous. It’s not nearly as bad as how I feel from hormonal changes so that’s good. But to have nausea for 1 week out of the 2 that I know I don’t have nausea is almost a mean trick. I haven’t had to take my anti-nausea meds yet and I’m trying not to take them if I can help it. And hopefully the nausea decreases each day I take the medication.
It would have been nice to have my full 2 weeks off of nausea this month, but I guess that wasn’t in the cards for me. And I am grateful that I have health insurance so I could get treated right away and that this is something pretty easy to treat. There are so many worse things I could get and I’m a relatively healthy person. But while I’m grateful, this is just one of those moments where I wish I had a little bit of better luck and not back to back issues with my health.
I had a dentist appointment this week and as always I was a bit nervous. My panic attacks at the dentist are still significantly less than they have been in the past, but I still don’t enjoy going in. And I was a little more nervous than normal for a few reasons.
First, this was the bigger appointment that I have once a year where I have a cleaning plus seeing the dentist. Seeing the dentist includes x-rays (which I don’t love) plus having him see if there is any teeth that need a bit of work. I’ve been lucky lately that I’ve needed only minimal work but I’m always scared that I’ll need something more significant. And I was also a bit more nervous than normal because at my last appointment I was told that there was a spot on one tooth that probably does need some more work.
First I saw the hygienist for the cleaning and I told her to tell me immediately if the dentist was going to say I needed work done. She checked the tooth she warned me about last time and confirmed that if I didn’t have a filling done soon that it would turn into a cavity. This would be minor work, but it’s still something bigger than normal and would require a shot. But beyond that one tooth, she didn’t see anything else that looked like it would need work or require to be watched.
The cleaning went pretty easily. I was feeling pretty nauseous still that day so I was worried that things would get really bad. But my medications were helping and I didn’t have to really take any breaks to let the nausea pass. I did have a moment when the chair was leaning back that I was terrified I would throw up, but I took deep breaths and that feeling passed without anything that bad happening. I don’t think I will ever like going in for my teeth being cleaned, but at least it’s quick and tolerable now for me.
After the cleaning, I moved over to the chair where x-rays are done and where you meet with the dentist to discuss things. I was mentally prepared for him to say I needed to be back for a filling soon (I joked to the hygienist that I wished it could have been done that day since I was already there and nervous) but I was still a bit nervous he would have some more bad news for me. It didn’t help that there was a woman in another chair getting work done that seemed to be in a lot of pain. I tried to ignore her and just stay calm.
Usually the assistant would come over to do the x-rays and then I’d see the dentist. So I was surprised to see the dentist and hygienist coming over to talk to me. The dentist explained that he was in the middle of an emergency root canal that he was not expecting to do while I was there. He wouldn’t have time for me to have my appointment with him but he knew I knew I needed a filling on a tooth. So he asked if I’d be ok coming back in a week to do my appointment with him and they would be able to do the filling at the same time.
Of course I said that would be fine, but I still wish I could have gotten the appointment with him done. I know there was no way to do the filling that same day, but at least I would know for sure that I was only have 1 filling done. Now I’m just hoping that it will only be 1 filling that I’m having done when I go back next week. But I also know that even if I knew that I’d still be nervous while waiting for the next appointment.
I was totally prepared for both of the appointments and to be told that I would need a filling. While I didn’t have all of that happen in one day, it will happen between the appointment I had and the one I have coming up. And at least I am a little bit confident that I won’t be getting any worse news when I’m back for the next appointment. But if I do, hopefully they can take care of it then along with the filling I’m having done.
I am so grateful that even though dentist appointments are still tough for me, they are getting easier and easier. And hopefully next week this filling will go super easily too and I can write another post about how I was prepared for something so much worse than reality.
Posted onApril 30, 2018|Comments Off on Working Through Physical Challenges (or Not Letting Feeling Bad Ruin My Workouts)
This past week of workouts weren’t the best for me. I was so hopeful with feeling ok when I thought I wouldn’t, but that decided to come at me this past week. It’s not easy working out when you don’t feel great, but if I let that stop me I would only be working out half of the month. And I just can’t do that to myself. It’s not fun when I don’t feel 100%, but I think I made the most of it this past week.
Monday’s workout I went into feeling pretty confident. I hadn’t been dealing with the nausea I was expecting the week before and I thought maybe I wouldn’t have to deal with any nausea this month. Of course, being that confident about things meant that they were going to get crazy. The workout was an endurance workout and we had 3 groups, so I knew I’d only be on the treadmill for about 15 minutes. But I only lasted on there for the warm up and then maybe 4 more minutes.
The treadmill workout was based on doing 2 minute push paces and then base paces in-between. And during the first 2 minute push pace, my nausea came at me with full force. I left the workout to take my anti-nausea medication, but I also knew that I wouldn’t be able to stay on the treadmill and do much. So I grabbed my things and went over to the bike to finish the cardio part of the workout. I honestly wasn’t focused too much on when we had a push pace versus a base pace. I was just trying to get through the workout and hope that my medication would kick in soon. For my mileage challenge this was easily the worst workout I have had, but I also knew that there would be at least a few workouts that would be like this when I felt horrible. So I just had to push through and try to keep pedaling when I could.
Next I was on the rower where we had 2 different attempts at a 500 meter row. My medications were finally starting to kick in, but I was still feeling off so my first attempt was pretty slow. By the time I had the second attempt I was doing a little better and was able to do my row about 20 seconds faster. We also had pull challenges where we tried to see how far we could get in 20 pulls on the rower. Feeling off worked to my advantage since I was super slow and I got much further in 20 pulls than I expected I could do. And on the floor, we started with mini-band work with suitcase squats with weights, lateral walks, and upright rows with weights. I finally found a good spot to put the mini-band so it wasn’t twisting up my leg and I went heavy with the weights to make up for my lack of cardio work. We were supposed to do plank work, but I knew that if I did plank work that I would feel every more nauseous, so my coach had me use the straps to do tricep work to work the same muscle groups. I left the workout feeling a little disappointed because I know I wanted to do better, but I also know that my struggles were due to things out of my control which does help a bit.
I was worried about how I’d feel on Wednesday for the workout, but I was doing a bit better. And because the workout was a power day with lots of switches, I decided to go for the treadmill instead of using the bike. I also may have been a bit stubborn because I wanted to get the mileage for my challenge. The workout was kind of a run/row format, but it was pretty unique with the blocks being 3 or 4 minutes long.
I started on the treadmill where the first block was a run/row with a .1 mile power walk and then a 200 meter row. I was doing my normal speed and incline even though I wasn’t feeling totally great. It was a bit tough, but I managed to do it. After that block, we went to the rowers where we had rounds of 100 meter rows and squats. Then it was back to the treadmill for another run/row that was .08 mile power walks and a 150 meter row. Then back to the rower for rounds of 100 meter rows and squats. And the last block was a run/row of .05 mile power walks and 100 meter rows. Then it was time to switch to the floor.
But even though I was on the floor, we still had treadmill blocks. First we had a block that was all timed exercises. The exercises were supposed to be pop jacks, pull ups on the straps, sit-ups with rotation, and burpees to step ups. But because of how I was feeling, I couldn’t do a lot of the exercises. Instead of pop jacks I did squats, I did crunches instead of sit-ups, and instead of the burpees to step ups I did lunges. It still wasn’t easy with no breaks between things. After the exercises, we had a 3 minute block on the treadmill. Then 2 more rounds of exercises with a block on the treadmill in-between. It wasn’t easy, but I managed to get it done and be on the treadmill when in the recent past I would have been on the bike.
After feeling better on Wednesday, I was hoping that trend would continue and I’d be ok on Friday. But that wasn’t the case and I went to my workout with horrendous nausea. I really wanted to use the treadmill, but there was no way for me to do that without feeling sick so I used the bike. The workout format was similar to Wednesday with it being unique and different. While it was a run/row day, it wasn’t the normal run/row format.
I started on the bike to warm-up and normally if it’s a run/row day that means I do the run/row work first. But this time, we had a 1 minute all out pace and then headed to the floor while the people who warmed up on the rower did their row and then went to the treadmill. All 3 blocks I had where I started on the treadmill/bike side started that way with the 1 minute all out pace and then going to the floor. When we were on the floor it was mainly work using the Bosu. We had kneeling tricep extensions, crunches, hip bridges, and pullovers with weights. There was also some work that we had in plank positions that I knew I couldn’t do because of how I was feeling so I did squats or extra core work in place of the things I couldn’t do.
When we switched, I had the run/row (although I guess technically it was row/bike for me). Each block started with a longish row. The first block was 500 meters, the second was 600 meters, and the last was 700 meters. The 500 meter row was tough for me and I took longer than I should have. But for the 600 and 700 meter row I was within the goal times we had for the rows. And after each of the rows, there was a run for distance which was a bike for distance in my case. I tried to just keep pedaling until the block ended but there were a few times where the nausea got really bad and I just had to take a quick break on the bike before continuing. Even with how badly I was feeling, the workout seemed to go by pretty quickly which helped.
Saturday’s workout was another one where I thought I was feeling ok at first but before getting to the workout I knew I wasn’t going to be able to use the treadmill. I ended up using the bike again, but that was a good thing because one of my friends from the Brentwood studio was in that class and on the bike next to me! We tried not to turn the cardio time into social hour, but we did spend a bit of time catching up. That helped to pass the time and to distract me from feeling as queasy as I was feeling.
The cardio blocks all had the same format with the people on the treadmill starting with doing .1 miles on a high incline and then we had regular push pace intervals. For the bike, I did .4 miles with a very high resistance and then did the resistance I usually do to replicate my push and all out paces. I did have moments where I needed to stop pedaling because the nausea took over and I needed to let it pass, but they were much less frequent than they had been earlier in the week. That was good and I felt much better about my cardio on the bike than I had in the other workouts.
On the floor we also had 3 blocks. The first block started with ab dolly rollouts. I knew I must be feeling better because when I’m really feeling nauseous I can’t do anything in a plank position. But I was able to do these with very minimal nausea so that felt like a victory to me. In that first block was also had squats with leg lifts using the bands which normally would be tough on my hip but I was able to do. So that was another victory. In the other blocks we had sprint rows, lunges with shoulder presses, pull-ups on the straps, hip bridges, and knee tucks. While I still had some nausea from time to time, it was decreasing as the workout went on so I was just so happy about that.
I’m really hopeful that this week of workouts the nausea will either be super limited or gone. I know the timing of my body and it should be over in a few more days. Then I have 2 weeks of freedom before I feel it again. So many people tell me that they couldn’t do a workout when they felt the way I feel, but for me it’s becoming a normal part of life. And each month that I have to go through this I keep proving to myself that I don’t let feeling nauseous stop me from trying my best during a workout. And while my best during these weeks isn’t usually close to my normal best, I’m really trying hard and hopefully I will start judging my nauseous workouts against the other nauseous ones and not against the ones that happen when I feel fine.
I’m so sorry there have been so many posts about online dating lately! It feels like lately my life has become a soap opera and I’m not used to dealing with all the ridiculousness I’ve encountered. And since so many things in this adventure are new to me, I’m still trying to figure out how to handle certain situations. It feels like I’m a teenager in some ways but I also know from talking to my friends that they would be reacting the same way I’ve been reacting.
Unfortunately lately I’ve had some not great situations happen to me. And it would be so easy to blame myself for what happened, but I also know that I didn’t do anything that would make that real. But it’s tough to tell myself not to feel at fault when that’s how my mind works.
One situation ended up resolving pretty well. I had a few dates with a guy and then things got awkward and our communication slowed down significantly. I know I didn’t do anything wrong, but my first thought was that he obviously found out something about me that he didn’t like or he never found me attractive. My default thought is to think that there is something wrong with me that is causing someone to either not be interested or stop being interested. But once this guy and I had a chance to sit down and talk, I found out he was blaming himself for the situation too and was dealing with the same thoughts. It’s almost funny how it turned out because we were thinking the same thing and it was a relief to talk things out. We get along really well and are just now trying to figure out if we are meant to be friends or something more. But it’s nice to have that stress off my mind now.
Another situation is still making me feel like I’m to blame a little bit even though I know that can’t be truth. I’ve been seeing someone on and off for quite a while now. It was never serious or exclusive and we were open with each other about that. He knew that I had dates with other guys and I assumed he had dates with other women (although he claimed he hadn’t). I thought we were being honest with each other and that’s one of the reasons I think we were able to be on and off with each other without too much effort.
But last week, I got a message on Facebook from a random account that said this guy had a girlfriend and I should stay away from him. I didn’t know what to think and I took some time before I did anything. Eventually, I took a screenshot of the message and sent it to the guy asking if he knew who was messaging me. I wasn’t as much concerned about the girlfriend thing (although it meant he was lying to me at some point), but I didn’t know who he told about me and who had my information.
I still haven’t heard back from the guy. I’m guessing at this point that he does have a girlfriend and I called him out on it. I don’t think he had a girlfriend the entire time he and I had been on and off, but the fact that he was lying and claiming he hadn’t gone out with anyone since we met isn’t ok with me at all.
Looking back at this and writing this out, I think it’s pretty obvious that I did nothing wrong. Even he going out with other women wasn’t wrong since we had discussed that we weren’t exclusive. But somehow I blamed myself briefly for him lying. This is a ridiculous idea, but in my head I was thinking that I must have done something that made him feel like he should lie to me. But in reality, this guy is just not a nice guy and did something wrong.
I’ve gone through this blame idea or the idea that I’m not worthy of someone respecting me before. It’s something I’m working on getting over. And with this recent situation, I’m seeing progress. While the first thought in my head was trying to figure out what I did wrong, I pretty much immediately realized that was a stupid thought and I was blaming myself for someone else’s lies. I know that I did nothing wrong and didn’t deserve to be treated like this. It still hurts to know that someone who I thought respected me clearly didn’t, but I think most people would have that same reaction even if they never thought they were to blame.
I don’t expect to ever hear back from that guy and that’s fine with me. Anything he would say to me would be an excuse for his behavior and I don’t really care about that. But even though this on and off dating situation came to an end that was pretty negative, I do feel like there are some positives that came out of it. And one of the biggest positives was the progress I had in not blaming myself for someone else’s actions. I knew immediately that I deserved better than what I had and I’m not trying to figure out how to fix this situation. I’m moving on and I know that I will find someone better and more worthy of my feelings. So for being able to realize that, I am grateful.
Posted onApril 25, 2018|Comments Off on A Dapper Day Attempt (or Trying To Make The Best Of An Afternoon)
Disney has lots of unofficial days in the park. I almost never go to these because they are on weekends and I rarely go to Disneyland on a weekend. I have gone to Pin-Up Day once but I haven’t gone back to it since. But of all the unofficial days, Dapper Day is the biggest one for sure. I had never been to the park during Dapper Day and never really had a plan to, but when my Disney friend Michelle asked me if I wanted to go I decided to check it out.
Dapper Day is a day when lots of people go to the park dressed up like they would have dressed when Disneyland opened in 1955. I don’t have a lot of outfits that would fit that idea, but I tried to pull something together that looked a bit more vintage than my usual outfits.
Michelle has a ton of vintage outfits so she had a super cute dress on but I didn’t end up getting a photo of us together. But there is a good reason for that.
We had a bit of a later start getting to Disneyland. I had my brunch in the morning and I headed straight to Michelle’s place and got there around 12:45pm. We were in the car quickly and there wasn’t a ton of traffic getting to Disneyland. We were at the exit for Disneyland in about 45 minutes and saw a line of cars trying to exit. We knew the day would be crowded so seeing a line of cars didn’t surprise us too much. We figured it would move quickly and we would be parking soon.
Then we noticed that we just weren’t moving. 30 minutes passed. An hour passed. And we still weren’t off the freeway. The flyover from the freeway exit to the parking lot was closed so we thought maybe it had to do with cars trying to get through the traffic light. But that didn’t explain it enough. We finally started to get closer to the parking lot entrance, and we noticed some cop cars and an ambulance going by. I still don’t know why they were there, but we were not allowed to go into the parking lot and were being redirected to park at the convention center.
Even once we were on Disney property trying to drive over to the convention center, the traffic was still unbearable. It had been about 3 hours after we got to the freeway exit and it didn’t seem like anything was getting better. And after being in the car for so long, both of us desperately needed to find a bathroom. We were terrified it would take another 2 hours to park, so when we saw the street to the Grand Californian Hotel, we turned and begged them to let us park the car so we could run into the lobby to use the bathroom. Fortunately, they let us do that and then we got back into the car to try to figure out how to get to a parking lot.
Because of how the exit from the hotel went, we couldn’t continue going toward the convention center. And it was so weird because the endless traffic jam that we were caught in was gone and there were no cars on that side of the street. We drove back toward the entrance that we came in and discovered the parking lot was open again! We had to drive a little bit of a loop, but we managed to finally park the car in the parking lot that we attempted to get to about 4.5 hours earlier.
I know that Disney did their best for the crowds that they were dealing with and they may have been a medical emergency that was causing more issues, but we were both feeling a little bit fed up once we were out of the car. Instead of heading straight into the park to see everyone in their Dapper Day outfits, we went to the Mexican restaurant in Downtown Disney to decompress and try to get into a better mood. Fortunately, margaritas and chips helped us and we were in a slightly better mood when we finally headed over to Disneyland.
By the time we were in the park, it was getting close to 6pm and we were already exhausted. But we wanted to try for at least a few rides and we were thinking about trying to stay for the fireworks. Our first ride was Pirates of the Caribbean because it was the last day before the ride went down for a refurbishment. They are changing the bride auction scene and are turning the redhead from that scene into a pirate. So we had to say our goodbye to the redhead.
The ride was as good as it always was and while I love the ride as it is I’m excited to see the changes when it reopens.
After Pirates, we went on the Haunted Mansion since it was located in the same area of the park. We were checking out some of the fun outfits that people were wearing for Dapper Day, but I think both Michelle and I were just kind of feeling done with the day. The long wait in the car while trying to park kind of wore us down and we never recovered from it. So after the Haunted Mansion, we were back on the tram to take us to the parking lot.
We did figure out that technically we were at the park a little bit longer than we spent in the car trying to park, but it’s sad that it was only maybe a 20 minute difference. When we were stuck in the car, we had talked about just giving up and going home, but we were stuck where we couldn’t turn around. I’m glad we didn’t go home and we did manage to get on a few rides, but it was not the best first time going to Dapper Day. If I go again in the future, I’ll make sure I try to get there around the time the park opens so hopefully there won’t be the same parking issue. But to be honest, I’m just happy to go on my random Mondays and don’t know if going on the unofficial days is really my thing.
Posted onApril 16, 2018|Comments Off on A Fun And Unique Workout Week (or Not Letting Setbacks Set Me Back)
This past week of workouts could have been pretty bad for me, but I was able to stay positive and it ended up not being so bad. I really have learned how to manage my setbacks recently and not let them control my workouts. I do have to be careful with myself and not push myself too hard, but I also know that being super easy on myself isn’t always the best thing either.
Monday’s workout was a bit of a weird day. On Sunday evening, while I was getting out of the shower, I felt a very sharp tinge in my calf muscle. I pretty quickly recognized it as the start of a tear in the muscle (something that I’m sadly familiar with). I took it easy on Sunday night, but on Monday my calf was still feeling a bit tender so I knew I would need to be taking it easy in the workout. Fortunately, it was a 3 group workout so I knew that I wouldn’t be at any part of the room for too long.
I started on the rower where we had one long block. We started with a 600 meter row followed by squat front raises. Then the row went down 200 meters and we continued that pattern going down and back up until time was done. Because of how I bandaged my calf, I wasn’t able to row that hard. I knew my rowing times would be on the slower side and I didn’t concern myself too much about how long each row too. I was on the floor next where we had one long block that was split into 3 segments. The first segment was doing pull overs on the BOSU followed by hammer curls. The second segment was hop overs on the BOSU and then knee tucks on the BOSU. And the last segment was running man and then BOSU burpees. Because of my calf I had to do some modifications such as lunges instead of hop overs, skipping the knee tucks, and limiting how much I did with the burpees.
I ended the workout with cardio. Between the calf issue, knowing I’d be at Disneyland later, and doing cardio at the end; I knew I’d have to use the bike. There really wasn’t an option for me if I wanted to be able to do stuff after my workout. There were 2 blocks and they had decreasing push paces. I worked on getting the watts and cadence on the bike up during all the push paces even if I was using the same resistance. I think I did a pretty good job at doing that and I was feeling like I was working hard. I wished I could have used the treadmill since I have been tracking my miles in my workouts, but I am glad I went with the bike because it was a good break for my body while still allowing myself to feel a bit challenged.
Fortunately my calf was doing much better by Wednesday. Even though I did a lot of walking on Monday, I think the compression bandage along with resting on Tuesday helped so that I was feeling almost completely better by my Wednesday workout. And that workout ended up being a strength day with another benchmark challenge. This time, the benchmark was the 500 meter row.
I looked at my past 500 meter row challenges and knew that there was no way I would do a new PR. My best one was about 15 seconds faster than I thought I could do it this time. It was nice to have that pressure off of me since I knew my calf was almost better but not totally better. Instead, I just decided to set a new idea of what time I would like to be under. The goal for everyone in class was to be under 2:30 (my PR is about 1:45), so I decided that I wanted to be under 2:15. And I accomplished that with some time to spare so I was very happy with my 500 meter row attempt. Eventually I’ll get back to where I can PR again and it will be awesome when I can beat my best time. But I’m glad I just beat the mini-goal that I had set for myself.
The treadmill work was 2 blocks and I did go with the treadmill. The workout was a strength workout which means inclines, but I just kept my inclines to my normal ones I use for push and all out paces. The first block was decreasing push paces and the second block was increasing push paces. Considering how I was feeling on Monday, I was just glad that I wasn’t feeling really any pain in my calf. I occasionally had a little soreness, but I also wondered if that pain could be do to me always putting a little bit more on my left side since it is my right hip that hurts. I took breaks when I needed to, but it wasn’t anything worse than what I normally do.
The floor was one long block with 5 different exercises and a row. We had deadlifts, low rows on the straps, goblet lateral lunges, plank crunches, and bicycle crunches. For the deadlifts and lunges I went with heavier weights than I normally do. I figured it was a strength day and I should be working on going heavier. It was a bit tough for the lunges, but for the deadlifts it didn’t feel that different from what I usually feel with the weights I usually use. I do need to work on using the heavier weights more often and I’m glad that I did it this time. After the exercises we had a 250 meter row. I was a bit lazy with the row each time I did it and I was a bit slower than we were supposed to be doing the row in. But I figured that was my rest time during the floor block and once I was done with the row I tried to jump right back into the exercises instead of taking a quick break then.
Friday’s workout was an endurance, strength, and power day and it was also a Capture The Flag workout. The first half of class was a regular class with the treadmill work and floor work. On the treadmill it was push paces followed by base paces and in the end there was a push to all out pace. I was at my normal treadmill speed and inclines because my calf was feeling pretty much completely healed that morning! I was struggling a bit with hip issues and I didn’t sleep enough the night before, but I would rather have those problems since I’m used to them than the calf issue.
For the Capture The Flag workout, we were all in teams of 2. I started on the floor/treadmill work which included squat twists with a medicine ball, double crunches, and push ups. And then there was a sprint on the treadmill. Then I tagged my partner and she did the floor/treadmill work while I just focused on rowing for distance. The goal was to get the rower distance as high as possible and I really wanted to make sure I was being an equal teammate and doing at least my share of the rowing work. Fortunately, we were pretty equal as far as rowing ability and the time it took us to complete the floor/treadmill work. And when we were done with Capture The Flag, I think we had a pretty good distance on the rower! I would have loved to be at 5,000 meters, but in my head my goal was to just be at least at 4,500 meters which we did!
Saturday was a Tornado workout. I’m used to these for my 3 group workouts, but to have one for a 2 group workout was fun. It was the first Tornado at the Culver City location so they were trying to keep things a bit simple. We had 5 rounds around the room. The first round was 1 minute, the second round 2 minutes, the third round 4 minutes, the fourth round 2 minutes, and the last round was 1 minute. On the treadmill, things were pretty much the same for every round with a push to all out pace. I stuck with walking and had my normal speed and inclines.
On the rowers, we just did timed rows for each block. The 4 minute timed row was really tough and that surprised me since I know I’ve done longer rows than 4 minutes. But it might have been the combination of the longish row plus all the other work I had done before that. And on the floor, we had all Bosu work. Most of the rounds were timed Bosu work like doing burpees, plank jacks to pop jacks, and plank work. It wasn’t that easy to do a lot of the exercises on the Bosu and I ended up doing many of them on the floor instead. But to me it’s more important to just keep working than to give up because I found things too hard.
Overall, I’m pretty proud of myself for this past week of workouts. I had a lot of times where I could have just not tried as hard because I felt not 100%. But I was so motivated to keep going and I’m glad that I did. The only thing that wasn’t super great this past week was the mileage I got in each class. When we had Capture the Flag and the Tornado workout, I wasn’t on the treadmill for as long as I usually am in class. It’s not horrible that I didn’t get as much mileage in each workout because that just meant I was on the rower more, but considering this is a monthly challenge for me I really was hoping to have a ton of treadmill miles. But hopefully this week will make up for it!
Posted onApril 10, 2018|Comments Off on Food And Budgeting (or Combining The Two Things I Often Struggle With)
I’ve written several posts about my struggles with food. And I’ve also written a lot about issues with working on a budget that is manageable and will help me pay down my debt. Both of these things are things that I struggle with a lot and it seems like whenever I get a handle on things, something changes and I have to start from the beginning again. I know there is a connection between addiction/eating disorders and debt, but the connection for me is just starting to register.
Since food is something I will always need to buy, I have to budget for it. But things change week to week on what I need so I’m much more flexible with my budget in that category. I try to stay within a budget that I set for each week, but if I have to buy food and I’ve already hit what I wanted to spend that week I still have to get food. I know that some of this extra spending is due to lack of planning, and I’m working on that. I also have realized that I’ve been letting food go to waste if I forget to eat it and that adds to my expenses. So I’ve been working on fixing both of these problems at once.
Recently my dermatologist put me on an antibiotic that I took twice a day for 2 weeks. I had to take the medication with food and I couldn’t take it at the same time as my morning medications because of issues with the antibiotic and a multivitamin. So I planned on taking it at lunchtime and dinnertime each day since that would work with taking it with food. At that same time I started working out at the Culver City Orangetheory location, which meant lots of early morning workouts. And I can’t really eat too much before a morning workout, but at the same time I can’t work out on an empty stomach. So I had to start experimenting with what I eat and when I eat.
This can totally change (because like I said, things always change when I think I finally have a handle on it), but right now it’s been working to drink a little bit of chocolate milk before my workout and then having a meal around 11am (brunch?) and then dinner. While I know that I should be eating 3 meals a day at least, this plan has been working for a bit for both my weight loss and my budget. When I only have to think about 2 meals a day, somehow it’s easier for me to meal plan. And it’s almost more like 1 meal a day because I eat pretty much the same thing each day as my mid-day meal.
I know that for some people this is a no-brainer. Eating the same thing every day is a weight loss strategy that works for many people. Having a lack of variety does work for some people, but it’s never really worked for me before. The only exception to this was when I was doing the UCLA diet when there was no variety as I had the same thing 6 times a day. But when I could choose from whatever I wanted, having a lack of variety would lead to me doing last-minute grocery store runs to get something else to eat because I was bored with the plan I had.
I don’t know if it is timing or doing the morning workouts, but the lack of variety is working for me. The number on my scale is slowly going down and I’ve been able to limit how often I need to go to the grocery store. I still have some wasted food, but it’s significantly less than it was before. And I know that if I work on planning things out a bit better, I can improve on the budgeting even more.
Even though I’ve known that my food budget was a bit out of control, things just finally clicked with me recently that I needed to work on this. It’s one of the few areas in my budget that has flexibility and I know that it is possible to eat what I need to while spending less money. Hopefully having this plan will not only keep my budget in a better place but will continue to limit how often I have to confront what I want to eat. If I don’t have to think about it, I can avoid grocery stores when I know that I am just looking for junk food to eat.
Just like every other time I think I have things worked out, I am hopeful that this may work but I am also realistic that this could just be something that is working temporarily. But I hope that whatever skills and tricks I learn while this is working are things that I can keep using even if I can’t keep up the current plan.
My Cold Caught Up With Me (or I Guess I Was Due To Get Sick)
