Category Archives: Dating

Still Trying To Figure Out Pandemic Dating (or Sometimes You Can’t Plan For Things)

Posted on September 2, 2020 | Comments Off on Still Trying To Figure Out Pandemic Dating (or Sometimes You Can’t Plan For Things)

My last “normal” date was at the beginning of this year. I actually don’t remember what my last date was before the pandemic really hit here, but I know that it had to be before March. Everything changed in LA in the middle of March. And since then, I’ve been trying to figure out what it means to be single and dating during this time.

Even though I wouldn’t say I’m an expert at dating (nor do I really want to be considered one), I had a pretty great routine that I had when I matched with someone. I had no fear of asking to meet up for coffee or a drink quickly. I had a lot of places that I felt safe to go for a first meeting. And I’ve slowly gotten better at not tolerating bad dates and finding a way to leave if I really had no interest in talking to the guy anymore. And then when everything changed, I had to figure out what to do if I was going to still try to be active on dating apps.

I’ve been trying lots of new things like doing video dates or trying to have socially distant dates. I’ve been messaging with guys significantly longer than I’m used to. Before, I liked to try to set up an in-person date quickly as figuring out if there is chemistry in person is so important. I don’t like days or weeks or texting only to be disappointed that when I meet them I don’t want to date them. And I only remember one guy that I spoke to on the phone before meeting him for the first time before the pandemic. I’m not a big phone person, and I don’t like to give out my number before I meet someone in real life (now, most apps have voice calling within the app so that solves that problem).

There have been a few guys that I have been talking to for a little bit of time. Some of them I know that I am only talking to them because of the current situation and I don’t think I would want to date them (some of them I have been honest with this about and we both agree that we are just being pen pals for now). Some of them seem to have potential and then they fade away. Usually, I get annoyed when I’m messaging with a guy and he stops messaging back, but I’m a bit more patient now. I’m not necessarily unmatching with guys as quickly as I used to for lack of communication. I know that it’s a weird time and maybe dating has to take a bit of a backseat.

And if there is someone I actually would want to meet with in person, there are so many things to consider now that I never had to think about before. I have to figure out good places to meet up with them that are not only in public but also open (since bars aren’t open) and allow us to be a bit distant but still able to have a real conversation. Parks seem to be a safe option, but some parks have been getting crowded since it’s one of the few places that are open and outdoors so a lot of people go there.

And even after deciding to meet up with someone in person and finding a safe place to go, it can all be brought to a halt if they discover that they have been around someone who is a suspected COVID case. And that’s what recently happened with a date I was planning. We had everything set to meet up, and then that day he let me know that he just found out that he had been around someone who might have been exposed to COVID. Even though it was not a direct exposure, he had been distant around that person and not right next to them, and nobody had been diagnosed; it still seemed best to cancel our meeting. I don’t want to put myself at risk and he didn’t want to get me sick either. So the hangout was canceled and that was that for the day. Fortunately, the suspected COVID case did not have COVID. Everything is ok, but it was still a huge reality check.

I don’t know how to be safe and date these days. I guess the safest thing would be to not date, which is what I’ve been doing since March. And I have said that this is the lost year so maybe I just won’t be able to date until things are safe again. But that might be a year away still, so I have to figure out what I can do and still be safe. I don’t think anyone really knows the answer to this because you can be super safe and it’s not a guarantee that nobody will get sick. You really have to trust the other person to be safe and not around other people without a mask, and that trust is hard to have when it’s with someone you don’t really know.

Figuring out how to date these days is something a lot of my single friends have been trying to do. For the first few months, I think all of us were ok with the idea of taking a break from dating until things are safe. I doubt any of us expected to still be in this situation 6 months later. There are so many things about being safe during this time that are so hard, so I understand the desire to want to still date and try to find your person. But nobody has dated during a pandemic prior to this time so figuring out how to do it is something that is a big unknown that all of us are figuring out together.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailStill Figuring Out Dating During COVID (or Phone Calls, Video Chats, And Social Distances Meetups) Default ThumbnailAdventures In Online Dating (or My Luck Might Be Changing) Default ThumbnailDating Life Update (or I Guess I’m Lucky I’m Still Seeing Humor In This) Default ThumbnailDating In Isolation (or Another Thing I’m Trying To Keep Normal) Default ThumbnailDating And Disneyland (or Not My Post-It Day) Default ThumbnailMore Ridiculousness In Online Dating (or I Think I’ve Been Ghosted)

Comments Off on Still Trying To Figure Out Pandemic Dating (or Sometimes You Can’t Plan For Things)

Posted in Dating

Tagged , ,

Still Figuring Out Dating During COVID (or Phone Calls, Video Chats, And Social Distances Meetups)

Posted on June 16, 2020 | Comments Off on Still Figuring Out Dating During COVID (or Phone Calls, Video Chats, And Social Distances Meetups)

I have continued to be active on the dating apps throughout this quarantine. I didn’t see the need to change that because I am still looking for my person and I didn’t want to give up on it while things were weird. But I have had to make a lot of changes with how I date and what my expectations are.

Normally, my goal when I match with someone on an app is to get a little texting on the app done to make sure we are on the same page about things and then suggest we meet up. I know that chemistry over text is not the same as chemistry in person, so I don’t want to waste time if I text for weeks, and then when we meet we don’t click. Also, I’ve found there are some guys that have no intentions of ever meeting. Either they are scammers and can’t meet or they are just on dating apps to text and flirt. So I want to get rid of those guys and make sure I only spend my time on the ones that really are looking for something off the apps.

But it’s not really possible to meet up with someone right away these days. It’s frustrating to me because it’s such an important part of dating to me. But I’ve been working with what I can do right now. I’m so grateful that a lot of apps have added voice and video call features to them. So I don’t have to give out my number to talk to someone on the phone or have a video chat with them. And I have been doing a lot of that. I used to never talk to guys on the phone before going out with them. It’s weird for me to do it. But not so weird that I don’t want to do it. I just have to figure out the best way to be more comfortable on the phone. I don’t know if I’ll keep up the phone call thing after I can start meeting guys in person again, but I’m glad it’s an option now.

Video calls aren’t as common for me to do. But that’s mainly because I don’t want to do them. I don’t want to feel watched that long when I’m not actually face to face with someone. It’s one thing to be on a 2-hour date with someone and have your focus on them. It’s another to be on a 2-hour video chat and hold that same focus.

And the other day, I was supposed to have my first socially distanced date. It was with someone that I had been texting and having calls with. And we both were interested in trying to move things forward while being safe. So we were supposed to meet at a park where we could sit at least 6 feet apart (and both wear masks). Unfortunately, I was stood up. He didn’t respond to my texts or calls. I don’t know what the point was. Some friends said that maybe he was too anxious to meet me, but then I would hope he would respond or message me saying sorry. I wonder if he ever wanted to meet up or if he was looking for something that I wasn’t looking for. It sucks that getting ghosted still is happening, but I also don’t know why I would expect anything different.

I’m not going to let being stood up bring me down. It sucks, but I can move forward. I don’t really know what dating is going to look like for the future, but it is interesting to see the baby steps I have been taking forward to try to date. Hopefully, it will be safe again soon to have dates without the fear of getting sick. For now, I just have to work with what I can and get creative about figuring things out.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailStill Trying To Figure Out Pandemic Dating (or Sometimes You Can’t Plan For Things) Default ThumbnailAdventures In Online Dating (or My Luck Might Be Changing) Default ThumbnailDating Life Update (or I Guess I’m Lucky I’m Still Seeing Humor In This) Default ThumbnailDating And Disneyland (or Not My Post-It Day) Default ThumbnailMore Ridiculousness In Online Dating (or I Think I’ve Been Ghosted) Default ThumbnailDoing Some More Dating Reflection (or It’s Been An Interesting Year)

Comments Off on Still Figuring Out Dating During COVID (or Phone Calls, Video Chats, And Social Distances Meetups)

Posted in Dating

Tagged ,

Dating In Isolation (or Another Thing I’m Trying To Keep Normal)

Posted on April 3, 2020 | Comments Off on Dating In Isolation (or Another Thing I’m Trying To Keep Normal)

Everyone right now is learning how to do things in a new way. There are so many people who have never worked from home that are trying to figure out how to manage things (and they are learning that it’s not as easy as it might have seemed). We are trying to figure out better and safer ways to get the supplies that we need in our daily lives and reevaluating what is necessary and what is not. And we are working on figuring out a new normal and seeing what we can continue doing.

And yes, figuring out our new normal includes some frivolous things. Not everything right now is serious and it’s ok to focus on something that isn’t as important as others. For example, I have a few friends that have had to cancel their weddings because of everything. It’s ok to be upset that it’s canceled even though they know it’s for the best. Or for kids to be upset that they can’t see their friends. I’m figuring out some things that I know are not that important and being upset that I’m not able to do things the way that I’m used to. Everyone is working through this right now and we each have different ways of dealing with it.

In one of the dating related Facebook groups that I’m in, the discussion about dating right now has been a very active topic. There are the obvious things like how we all know that we cannot go out and go on a date with someone. Some people have discussed temporarily moving in with someone that they weren’t super serious about yet so they would still be able to see each other during isolation. Honestly, if I was seeing someone regularly right now, I’d probably be doing that too. Isolation seems to be the make it or break it point for a lot of people. Either they are trying to find a way to be together right now or they realize that they don’t care enough about the other person so they end things.

And then there are lots of people who aren’t seeing anyone regularly or seriously and are debating if they should just temporarily give up on dating right now. There is a lot of reason why this makes sense. In my dating profile, I have a statement that I’m looking for something real and not just a pen pal. I hate messaging back and forth on the apps. I would prefer to meet someone right away because I have had amazing chemistry with someone over text and no chemistry in person. But now, messaging is really all we can do.

But at the same time, I’ve been looking at this as a moment to change up my dating strategy. Maybe not getting to know someone without being in person could be a good thing. It’s not like I have another option. I have to find ways to connect with someone without being together if I want to keep trying. And at the same time, I still want to protect some of my personal details like I always have. For example, I don’t feel comfortable giving out my phone number until I’ve met someone because I like to know they are real and not a scammer.

Some apps are making things a bit easier than others. For example, on Bumble they have a built-in phone and video chat feature. So you can talk to someone on the phone or have a video call without having to give out your number. That’s a nice thing and I wish other apps would have that feature (at least for right now). And I have been using those features with guys that I have matched with in the past week. It’s still not as good as getting to meet someone in person, but it is an improvement over texting.

I have no clue if I will actually connect with someone right now. Or if I do connect with someone that it will last until whenever we would be able to meet up in person. In normal times, I’m not on dating apps just to talk to people. I am on there for the purpose of trying to find someone. But now, I’m relaxing on that idea a bit. I still would love to find my person, but I also am craving any human interaction and dating apps do help to provide that. I’m not just swiping right on everyone to match with anyone and everyone. I still have my standards with who I would want to spend time. But it’s feeling a bit looser and I’m open to talking to people I might have rejected before. Maybe this could help me find someone better than who I have been meeting or maybe not. I have no idea. All I know is that this is one part of my life that I’m not giving up on just because things are changing in the world.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailStill Figuring Out Dating During COVID (or Phone Calls, Video Chats, And Social Distances Meetups) Default ThumbnailAnother Dating App Ban (or This Is What Makes Me Over Things) Default ThumbnailDating Life Update (or I Guess I’m Lucky I’m Still Seeing Humor In This) Default ThumbnailStill Trying To Get Back To Normal (or Isolation Monthly Challenges Really Are Not Easy) Default ThumbnailStill Trying To Figure Out Pandemic Dating (or Sometimes You Can’t Plan For Things) Default ThumbnailDating And Disneyland (or Not My Post-It Day)

Comments Off on Dating In Isolation (or Another Thing I’m Trying To Keep Normal)

Posted in Dating

Tagged , ,

Continuing To Share My Experiences (or This Is Going To Be Vague)

Posted on February 27, 2020 | Comments Off on Continuing To Share My Experiences (or This Is Going To Be Vague)

First, I have to apologize that a lot of what I am going to write in this post will be a bit vague. But it’s for a good reason. And hopefully, you all will understand.

I’ve been pretty open about my crazy experiences with dating. Almost everything I post has something funny or an element of humor in it. Even the stories that are about rejection or being hurt is usually done in a positive way. Most of those stories have a lesson that I can share that makes them not as bad. And even the stories about me being heartbroken are able to have something good in them. I haven’t been hurt that much, but when I have it’s usually something I can move past or learn from.

But I have also had some bad experiences with dating that I wouldn’t want to happen to anyone else. I know that my experiences are not unique and they are way too common, but knowing that I’m not alone in those experiences doesn’t make it better. But we are now in a time where more people are coming forward and sharing what happened to them so people don’t have to feel alone. And there is research being done to understand how common this is and what people experience after something happens.

Through a friend, I learned about some research being done about dating and experiences like mine. I can’t go into a lot of detail about what they were researching or what the plan is because they are still working on it and I don’t want to ruin anything they might be doing. But when I learned about what they were doing I was intrigued. And when I learned that they were asking for people to share their experiences, I filled out the form that was online. In the form, it asked if we would be willing to speak to someone further about our stories and I clicked that I agreed to that. But I figured that they probably had a ton of people who said they would talk so I didn’t expect anything to come from it.

But last week, I got an email from someone involved in the research asking me if I was still willing to talk to them. I didn’t respond right away because I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to do this. Even though I am pretty open here about what I’ve been through, I am in control of what is written here. If someone else was writing about me or sharing my story, I lose control or what bias might be added. But after thinking about it for about a day, I decided that there was no harm in at least talking to them on the phone and finding out more about what they were doing or what they wanted from me.

I had my phone call earlier this week, and it wasn’t easy. Sharing some of these bad experiences that are still fresh in my mind did make me cry. Fortunately, the person I spoke to understood and wasn’t impatient or frustrated that I needed to take moments when I did. They told me I could end the call whenever I wanted to or change my mind about wanting to share what happened. I was given a few options with how they could potentially share my story, and I decided that they could share it in their research but that they wouldn’t use my name or any identifying details about me. I feel like that’s probably the best option because I don’t necessarily want it to be connected to me but I don’t want my story to be ignored.

I will have at least one follow-up call in the next week or so, and there may be more calls after that. Once things are further in their research, they may have more questions for me or want some things to be clarified. And I’m willing to do that. The hard part was sharing my story and being vulnerable in allowing someone else to share it. Now, hopefully, the follow-up call (or calls) will be a bit easier and not as intense for me. And if this research does use my story and something comes of it, I will probably share it online. I don’t know if I will share it and say that my story is in it, but I can decide that if/when it happens.

It’s interesting to me how it can be so easy for me to be open at times and how difficult it can be at other times. But no matter how tough it was this time, I have no regrets. Sharing what happened to me does give me some power over the situation. I can make sure that people hear my experience and I can hope that they will understand what happened. I got some judgment after I wrote my blog post about it and people said I was overreacting to a bad date. But I know that’s not what happened to me and I will take opportunities when I can share my side of the story so the next person who experiences this hopefully won’t get the same judgment that I got.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailYet Another Book Rewrite (or Letting My Blog Posts Inspire Me) Default ThumbnailReaching A New Audience (or Laughing At My Dating Adventures) Default ThumbnailWorld Mental Health Day (or Seeing So Many People Be So Open) Default ThumbnailFinding More Ways To Help Via Social Media (or Continuing To Share Good Things) Default ThumbnailA Story I Didn’t Know If I Would Share (or Having Complicated Feelings About People) Default ThumbnailContinuing To Work On My Book (or I Wonder How Many Versions I’ll Have Before I Finish It)

Comments Off on Continuing To Share My Experiences (or This Is Going To Be Vague)

Posted in Dating, Tough Stuff

Tagged , ,

Connecting Work And Dating (or Is My Job Affecting My Mental Health More Than I Realized)

Posted on February 20, 2020 | Comments Off on Connecting Work And Dating (or Is My Job Affecting My Mental Health More Than I Realized)

Even though I work from home, I have ways to communicate with my co-workers at my customer service job. We use an online chat system to assist customers, and we can also use it to chat with each other. This has been very helpful when we have a question from a customer that we don’t know the answer to or a customer is saying one of told them something that doesn’t seem right. But we often also chat socially with each other in our chat system since our job can be very lonely when it’s not busy and we are all working at our own homes alone.

I probably chat the most with my manager. We always are sharing funny and random things we find online. Sometimes that is what keeps me feeling sane on a day that is driving me crazy. And earlier this week, she sent me a funny meme about how when you apply for a job the hiring manager should be more upfront about what to expect with the job. Such as if you are willing to bend over backward for a customer or get them a manager immediately. And she and I were coming up with our own lines of what we would want to ask future employees doing our job.

Then she said something that hit me a lot harder than it probably should have. She joked that customers should say they are ok with hearing abuse from customers and still be polite and kind to them (we are told often that we are ruining someone’s life because a show is sold out or by enforcing our policies so we do get yelled at on a somewhat regular basis). And as soon as she wrote that, I realized that I do tolerate a lot at this job and I don’t let it affect how I treat a customer while I’m helping them. I don’t stand up for myself (nor can I really in a customer service job) and I have gotten very used to hearing some awful things. When I’m called a bitch on the phone by a customer, I don’t even flinch. It’s something I’m used to and almost expect at times.

But it got me wondering if tolerating this sort of inappropriate behavior at work is also making me tolerate bad behavior in life. More specifically, am I tolerating things I shouldn’t in dating?

That was a bit of a glass-shattering moment for me and I started thinking back at guys I have dated recently or chatted with on the apps. And I know that I have become more open-minded and am not as strict with dating anymore, which is a good thing. I have learned that not everything has to be a dealbreaker for me, sometimes it just needs to be a conversation to understand it more. But I shouldn’t tolerate anything just to be nice.

I know that there are plenty of times that I haven’t tolerated when a guy said something disgusting to me. If they are going to shame me for any part of me or my life, it’s no question that I want to unmatch with them. I don’t have to have someone be abusive toward me to get a date. But there are so many guys that I have realized are between being good guys and horrible guys that I probably shouldn’t have continued talking to.

There aren’t any hard and fast rules about what I am tolerating that I shouldn’t, but it’s making me reevaluate a lot of things. For example, if I am messaging someone and trying to set up plans, I don’t have to tolerate it if they don’t message me for a week and then ignore that we were discussing meeting up. I can bring up that I’m happy to chat with them more in person, but I should push for what I want to do. I know I don’t want to message with someone, I want to meet them and see if we click.

There is a bit of fear still in my mind about rejecting someone who could be my “last chance” (which I know isn’t true because if they aren’t right then they weren’t supposed to be my person). I hate that fear is still there, but I’ve realized that this feeling is so much more than just this fear. I want to be liked and not create conflict, but by doing that I am allowing behavior that I shouldn’t be ok with.

This isn’t going to be a quick fix where I learn how to stand up for myself more, but it’s something that I’m aware of now that I never thought about before. And I don’t want to swing to the other extreme and not tolerate anything that might be slightly different than what I thought. Being open-minded has been such a good thing for me and I don’t want to become closed-off. Finding balance is the key.

And yes, this all relates back to my word for this year. No wonder I felt so drawn to picking balance as my word.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailDoing Some More Dating Reflection (or It’s Been An Interesting Year) Default ThumbnailA Little Job Update (or It Was Silly To Be Scared) Default ThumbnailWork Work Work (or Another Very Part Time Job) Default ThumbnailMental Health Month (or Better Late Than Never) Default ThumbnailFiguring Out Some Self-Care (or Working On My Physical And Mental Health) Default ThumbnailWorld Mental Health Day (or Seeing So Many People Be So Open)

Comments Off on Connecting Work And Dating (or Is My Job Affecting My Mental Health More Than I Realized)

Posted in Dating, Work

Tagged , ,

I Do Enjoy Valentine’s Day (or Celebrating All Love In My Life)

Posted on February 14, 2020 | Comments Off on I Do Enjoy Valentine’s Day (or Celebrating All Love In My Life)

I know that Valentine’s Day is a love or hate holiday. Some people love being able to acknowledge love in their life or showing how much they love another person. Some people hate it, and I seem to be more familiar with the reasons people hate it. I’ve heard how it’s a holiday that is made up and only to sell things. I know some people think it’s an excuse to have a bad and overpriced date. And others say that it leaves out single people and they aren’t able to celebrate since they aren’t in a relationship.

I’m not going to debate that going out on Valentine’s Day might be overpriced and I have no clue if it’s really a made-up holiday. But I will dispute the idea that it’s only a holiday for people in relationships. I believe that any love can be celebrated on Valentine’s Day. And I’ve written a post about how I celebrate love in my life before explaining this. Things haven’t changed much for me. If anything, I believe even stronger now that everyone should be celebrating all love in their life and not just romantic love.

I’m incredibly lucky that I have as much love in my life as I do. Of course, I do want romantic love and am still searching for it, but my life isn’t less than because I don’t have that just yet. I have amazing friends and family that I love and that I know love me. They support me in all my craziness and I know I could turn to anyone if I needed help. If something happened to me, I wouldn’t feel alone because I didn’t have a boyfriend or husband. When I thought I needed liver surgery, I had friends that said they could come over to help me do the things I couldn’t do for a few weeks. I know that having someone I was in a relationship might mean I automatically have someone who could do that for me, but I have friends who can fill in and I’m fine with that.

For several years, I have celebrated the idea of all the love in my life on Valentine’s Day. But this year I feel that even more. I think that’s due to a realization I had after having a talk with a guy that I was trying to get closure with. In that talk, I realized there is a difference between wanting to be with someone and needing to be with someone. That realization actually gave me the closure I was searching for with that guy. And it made me understand why he and I never could have worked even if he hadn’t done the things he did that hurt me.

But it’s gone far beyond just that closure. I have realized that while I do want a relationship, I do not need it. I am living an awesome life without having a significant other. I am not looking for my missing piece. I am looking for someone who can add amazing things to my life and not someone who needs to fill what is missing. And I think having that thought in my head has helped me remember that my life is full of love even if I don’t have a boyfriend or a husband. And it’s important to remember that love and to celebrate it.

I do try to celebrate the love in my life throughout the year and not just for Valentine’s Day. Life is short and I don’t want to miss the chance to tell someone that I love them or how much they mean to me. I thought about doing something for Valentine’s Day for the people I love, but I just didn’t get it together in time. I did send out holiday cards just about 2 months ago to the people I would have sent Valentine’s cards to, so I do know they know how much they mean to me. I would have loved to have sent out cards again, but it just didn’t happen. Hopefully, next year I can do that.

And as far as my Valentine’s Day plans go, I don’t really have anything planned yet. I have my normal Friday routine with my workout and work, but nothing is planned after that. I might see if a friend wants to meet up and do something. I might stay home and be lazy on my couch. I might end up having a random date (which has happened on Valentine’s Day before). I’m not worried about making plans and whatever I do tonight is going to be the right thing to do. The only thing I know I will do is that I will celebrate the love in my life no matter what because I am so lucky to have what I do have.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailEnjoying Valentine’s Day (or Celebrating The Love I Do Have In My Life) Default ThumbnailSo Many Birthdays and Anniversaries! (or A Month Of Celebrating And Remembering) Default ThumbnailCelebrating My Friendship Love (or I Don’t Hate Valentine’s Day) Default ThumbnailCelebrating Some Anniversaries (or Remembering Awesome Family Moments) Default ThumbnailSpreading Some Holiday Cheer (or Finding Cheaper Ways To Make People Smile) Default ThumbnailAnother Day Another Audition (or This Is The Life I Love)

Comments Off on I Do Enjoy Valentine’s Day (or Celebrating All Love In My Life)

Posted in Celebrations, Dating, Fun Stuff

Tagged , , , ,

Figuring Out A Plan For My Book (or I’m Not Sure What’s Next)

Posted on January 23, 2020 | Comments Off on Figuring Out A Plan For My Book (or I’m Not Sure What’s Next)

It’s been a little while since I finished the first draft of my book. I knew once I finished it that I was going to take some time away from it before I did anything else. Some of the stories about my dating were a little too fresh for me to be able to review what I wrote. And everything was still new in my mind and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to edit it too much. I did minor editing as I wrote each section, but I needed time away before I could look at it with fresh eyes to see what changes needed to be made.

And even though I wrote so much back in November, I have added stories since then. There have been a few dating situations where I knew I needed a section of my book about it. For example, I had a date last month where the guy thought the best way to fix his need to use a bathroom would be to unzip and pee on the sidewalk as we were walking. That one was so shocking that I didn’t know what to think. I just kept walking because I knew that was the end of that date. I didn’t even tell him I was done. I just kept going until I was sitting in my car. There was no way that the story wasn’t going to be in the book. It wasn’t the craziest date ever, but it’s up there. And it was the first date that I think I was truly speechless.

The main reason why I changed the format of my book to be all about life lessons was that I didn’t need to have a real ending for it. If it was a story of my dating history, I wouldn’t know how to end it until I found someone. But with it being about different lessons, I don’t have to necessarily have a happily ever after to feel like I can finish the book. Of course, I would love it if it did end that way. But I know that I can end it without that.

The next steps for the book are to edit it and then edit it a few more times. I’m pretty certain that I don’t have typos or crazy grammatical errors, but I know the stories aren’t perfect and they are probably a bit rambly (just like my blog posts are). I also probably have some stories that don’t make sense to someone other than me because I can fill in the gaps. So I want to not only edit it myself but have others read it to make sure they feel like it makes sense. Fortunately, I have several friends who have asked if they could read the book so I know I can get a lot of different opinions on if the book works.

But after editing it, I honestly have no clue what to do. I would love to get the book published because I think it is funny and entertaining and maybe a little educational as well. I really think I would have loved to have read a book with stories like mine when I got back into online dating. Plus, some of the lessons are things that I know my friends wouldn’t have thought of if they were in that situation. For example, the ways I am able to do a bit of searching to confirm my dates are telling me the truth about themselves are things that most of my friends have told me they wouldn’t have thought of doing. I would love to save someone from having to learn these lessons on their own and be able to date smarter after seeing my mistakes or issues.

I’ve also had friends who have told me I should turn my stories into a web series or something filmed, but I have never seen my book as a screenplay. I also don’t know how to write scripts so I think that is stopping me from thinking it could be a script. But I would prefer to focus on keeping it as a book and if something else happens from that, then I can figure it out from there. But the plan is to focus on keeping the book a book and seeing what can be done.

But this is where I am stuck. I don’t know how to try to get a book published or if I should look into self-publishing. I don’t know what the steps are to sell a book if I was able to do that. The entire publishing world is foreign to me and I am trying to not be overwhelmed by it. I did a little bit of research on what to do, but that was going a million steps ahead of where I am right now and it just became too much. So my only thoughts and plans are to work on the editing and then when that is done I will do the next thing. And I would love to know what that next thing would be without having to do the research, but I also know that I probably won’t have someone who comes to me telling me step by step what I need to do.

I’m going to try to start a bit of the editing process in the next month or two and then I guess I will just be figuring it out from there. And hopefully, when I get to the next step, I will have more updates I can share or I will have a better idea of what might come next.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailNot Sure How I Did With My Last Monthly Challenge (or Another Attempt At NaNoWriMo) Default ThumbnailI Might Write A Book (or The Bumble Avenger) Default ThumbnailNaNoWriMo Take 2 (or Still Working On The Same Book) Default ThumbnailContinuing To Work On My Book (or I Wonder How Many Versions I’ll Have Before I Finish It) Default ThumbnailFiguring Out The Next Step (or I Need To Keep Acting) Default ThumbnailI Actually Wrote A Book! (or Getting Myself Ready For 2020)

Comments Off on Figuring Out A Plan For My Book (or I’m Not Sure What’s Next)

Posted in Dating, Fun Stuff

Tagged ,

Not Sure What This Guy Was Thinking (or When Being A Rule Breaker Doesn’t Pay Off)

Posted on December 10, 2019 | Comments Off on Not Sure What This Guy Was Thinking (or When Being A Rule Breaker Doesn’t Pay Off)

Time for another dating post. But this one isn’t a big revelation or a huge story. It’s just the story of one guy and what happened over 2 days. And maybe someone else will be able to explain to me what happened because I’m still very confused.

As the story usually goes with guys I meet on dating apps, we matched and because it was on Bumble I had to send a message first. We started messaging back and forth about a lot of different things and it seemed like we had a lot in common. The only negative about this guy was that he only lived part of the time in LA (the rest of the time he lived in NYC). But that wasn’t enough for me to not want to keep messaging with him and the day after we started messaging I mentioned that it would be nice to meet up.

Fortunately, he agreed but he also had a long workday that day. He said he works in Burbank and we could either meet up in Burbank right when he was done with work or he could come to my side of town a few hours after work. I didn’t want to be out too late, so I decided that I would drive to his side of town.

I almost never do this for a first date anymore. I have learned from past experience that I would rather be closer to my side of town in case the date goes poorly. I have left dates after only a few minutes before and it’s really annoying to have to drive an hour there or back when the date only lasts a fraction of that time. But I was feeling optimistic about this guy so I figured I could break my own rule and it would be fine. He seemed like a good guy and he was being really respectful in our messages. When I asked him for his last night to give to my friend for safety, he said he had never been asked for his last name before going on a date but that he thought it was a really smart idea. I shared a screenshot of that part of our conversation with friends saying how awesome it was that he was being a gentleman.

We kept messaging throughout the day and when I was getting ready to drive over there I gave him a heads up. He had suggested a bar we could meet at and that worked for me. I let him know approximately what time I was supposed to arrive so he wasn’t sitting there and waiting too long for me, and he said that was fine. I told him I was starting the drive so he wouldn’t be concerned if I wasn’t responding to any messages he sent. He thanked me for the heads up and told me that he’d see me at the bar soon.

The drive over there was only a little bit faster than my GPS predicted. But it still took me an hour to get there and I was so happy to find a parking spot so I could message this guy and let him know I was there and would head inside the bar. But when I went to Bumble to message him, the match was gone.

Bumble is one of the apps that shows you the difference between someone deleting their profile and someone unmatching you. Because it didn’t see the messages with the heading “deleted profile”, I knew he had unmatched with me. But I honestly have no clue why.

I guess there is a chance that he did message me while I was driving and he got offended or worried when I didn’t respond and he thought I wasn’t going to show up. I also wondered if he wasn’t actually single and he was having second thoughts about being a cheater (while I would appreciate him for doing that, a heads up would be nice). But what I’m assuming is that this was all a joke or a prank to him. Maybe he wanted me to feel rejected or sad that someone I thought was interested didn’t show up. Maybe he thought I would go into the bar without checking Bumble to see if we were still matched and I’d be sitting at the bar waiting for him and I would be stood up. But instead of me feeling rejected, I was pissed.

I was so mad at the situation that I was shaking. I didn’t feel safe to drive home so I called a friend to vent about the situation. I needed to tell someone what happened and try to calm down. And while I did get a bit more upset as I shared the story, I finally started to calm down. My friend didn’t have a clue why this guy did this to me either, so while I was calming down I was still confused. I thought about staying on that side of town to do something so the drive wouldn’t be wasted, but at that point, I just wanted to go home and decompress.

The drive home was a bit faster than the drive there, which was nice. And once I was home I turned on my tv to watch something fun on my DVR to be in a better mood before going to bed. By the time I went to bed, I was still a little angry about the entire thing but I was much more confused. And now, I’m just confused about what the point was for the guy.

If this was supposed to be a joke or a prank, it was unfinished because I didn’t go into the bar and feel stood up. If he wanted me to feel that way, he should have messaged me saying he was inside so I would have gotten out of my car to go inside to try to find him. It’s almost sad that he couldn’t follow through with a prank if that’s what it was and I know that I’m better for not wasting more time on a date with this guy.

There’s no big life lesson from this date other than the rules I set for myself are good and I should stick to them. I’ve been good about not giving out my number until I meet a guy (you don’t want to give your number to a scammer), but I need to be better about not driving out of my way for a date. And this non-date really proved to me that the rule is a smart one and this is what might happen if I don’t follow it.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailWorking On Rejection (or Why Can’t Dating Be Like Acting) Default ThumbnailGetting Banned From Tinder (or No Regrets Calling Out A Cheater) Default ThumbnailI Might Write A Book (or The Bumble Avenger) Default ThumbnailSometimes I Miss Not Caring (or The Grass Is Always Greener) Default ThumbnailStanding Up For Myself (or A Bad But Funny Date Story) Default ThumbnailThinking About My Relationships (or Starting My 2018 Reflection)

Comments Off on Not Sure What This Guy Was Thinking (or When Being A Rule Breaker Doesn’t Pay Off)

Posted in Dating

Tagged ,

Ignoring The Voices In My Head (or Not Letting Dates Get Me Down)

Posted on November 22, 2019 | Comments Off on Ignoring The Voices In My Head (or Not Letting Dates Get Me Down)

I feel like I have a dating update post each month. But I guess that’s a result of continuing to put effort into dating and not taking a break or giving up. I don’t have any big updates or news, just the usual about random dates that I went on and what happened.

Nothing horrible has happened recently, but there have been things that stung a bit or made me doubt myself. I had a few matchest that made plans with me and then immediately unmatched with me or unmatched with me right before we were supposed to meet. I don’t get what the game is behind that, but it’s annoying and it does make me wonder if there is something wrong with me. I had a date a few weeks ago with a guy that I had zero chemistry or interest in once we met. He wasn’t showing any personality and really felt like a waste of my time. But he also seemed very interested in me and it made me question why someone who acted like that was the type of person I attracted.

And then I had a date that has a similar story to one I told recently. It wasn’t exactly the same and it didn’t sting as much, but I had another date that seemed like it went well and I was really enjoying the time we spent together. We met up for a drink and we had a lot to talk about and we didn’t have a lot of awkward moments. He does magic as a hobby and we had a really fascinating discussion about magic and its history and longevity. It was so nice having a conversation that didn’t feel superficial even if it wasn’t about something serious. And it seemed like he was interested in me. When our date ended, I mentioned how I’d like to meet up again and he said the same. He texted me after the date to make sure I made it home safely and said he would let me know when he was free over the next few days so we could see each other again.

The next day, I get a message from him saying that he enjoyed the time we had the night before and talking with me. But he wanted to be honest and he didn’t believe we were a good fit for each other. I messaged back saying that I appreciated the honesty and hoped that he found his perfect match. And I tried not to think too much about it.

But my brain went so many different directions. Why did he say he would let me know when we could see each other again if he didn’t want to see me again? Or, what changed between him writing me that message and him deciding we weren’t a good match? What about me made him not want to see me again? What did I do wrong? What could I have done better to not get rejected? What did he feel made us not a good match and is there a way I could fix it?

Even though I wasn’t completely sure if this was the right guy for me, I couldn’t help but think what is wrong with me and not that there is something not right for us to be a match. I wonder if I’m really unlovable and unwanted like I was told when I was younger by someone. I put the blame on not being a good match completely on me and assume it can’t have anything to do with him. But I know that isn’t necessarily true because I have felt like people weren’t a good match when it isn’t totally because of them. Sometimes you just aren’t a match and it’s nobody’s fault and it is just the way it is. And I can believe that when I’m the one rejecting someone and not the person being rejected.

I’m lucky that I have amazing friends that remind me that the things my brain is telling me aren’t the truth. They remind me that I don’t want to waste my time with someone who isn’t completely interested in me and that I deserve someone who feels like I am the perfect match for them. They tell me that I shouldn’t have to see what I need to change about myself to be a match for someone. When I meet the right person, I will be right for them the way that I am and I won’t have to fit into something that they want. Hopefully, when I meet the right person it will be easy and I won’t worry about what I did wrong or right when I meet them. I know I’m not perfect and that’s not what I’m saying. But I want to believe that my true self will be what someone else is looking for and I won’t have to change who I am to make them want to be with me.

I don’t know if I will ever stop hearing the voices in my head telling me that the reason why dating isn’t going the way I hoped it would be is all my fault. Or when I’m rejected it’s because of who I am. But I can try to quiet those statements as much as I can and listen to the people who are telling me the truth to make the truth louder in my head than the lies I still believe for some reason.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailBeing My Authentic Self (or Ignoring All The Outside Voices) Default ThumbnailAn Easier Workout Week (or Ignoring My Head And Listening To My Body) Default ThumbnailWorking On Rejection (or Why Can’t Dating Be Like Acting) Default ThumbnailA NaNoWriMo Update (or Maybe I Need More Dates) Default ThumbnailYet Another Book Rewrite (or Letting My Blog Posts Inspire Me) Default ThumbnailMore Thoughts On Online Dating (or Not Letting My Past Dictate My Future)

Comments Off on Ignoring The Voices In My Head (or Not Letting Dates Get Me Down)

Posted in Dating

Tagged , ,

Finding Little Things To Make Me Happy (or Shopping And Text Groups)

Posted on November 8, 2019 | Comments Off on Finding Little Things To Make Me Happy (or Shopping And Text Groups)

I have been in a bit of a down mood lately. To me, this is obvious in the posts that I have been writing. But it took me a while to be in a place where I want to work out of the funk. I know that this is probably due to a few different factors, some of which I have no power over and can’t control. And just fixing the ones I’m in control of (such as getting enough sleep) hasn’t been enough to make me feel better. I’ve had more depressive episodes before, so I knew this wasn’t anything serious. But I still don’t enjoy being in a down mood for an extended period of time.

I finally was ready to work on fixing this over the past few days. It’s not easy to get yourself out of a bad mood, but I wanted to work on it where I could. Like I said before, getting enough sleep has been a big fix I’ve been needing to work on. I still am struggling a bit with falling asleep when I should, but at least now I’m getting to bed at a more appropriate time and not staying up doing other things until very late. But since this wasn’t enough of an improvement, I’ve been working on finding other things that I know make me very happy.

Fortunately, it’s the time of year for me to do some gift shopping for my family. I bring Hanukkah presents for my family to Thanksgiving, so I only have a few weeks left to do my shopping. But because I’m a bit crazy, I had gift ideas as soon as I had bought their gifts last year. A few gifts have changed since then, but I’ve been having so much fun doing some shopping and trying to figure out the perfect gifts to get for everyone. I’m also bringing birthday presents for my parents to Thanksgiving to give them those early since I had ideas for those as well.

If I had unlimited money, I would spend so much buying presents for other people. I get so much joy out of finding the perfect gift and seeing how happy it makes someone. I do have to be careful with how much money I spend on presents, but I will always find a way to get presents for my family. I don’t have to get them expensive things if they are creative. And I seem to be good at finding unique and creative gifts. I have all the presents picked out now for my family, and I’m already so excited to give them what I got and see how much they like them. (sorry dad, if you are reading this and were hoping to get some hints of what I got you)

And while I haven’t been feeling particularly social while I’ve been down, I do still crave being social a bit. Going out isn’t always the best option when I’m in a mood, but texting can still keep me from feeling isolated. And I’ve really been enjoying different group texts that I’m a part of as well as texting with my friends individually.

One of my text groups is with my friends from Orangetheory. We have always been a bit silly in that group so that is appreciated no matter if I’m in a good mood or bad mood. We will share random GIFs and memes and joke around about the workouts. We aren’t always in the same class together (and one friend in the group doesn’t live in LA anymore), but it is nice to have workout friends to chat with even if we aren’t in class. I’ve got another texting group with other Orangetheory friends, but those aren’t as active as the main one I’m in.

I also started a text group for women in the online dating FB group I’m a part of. I created it for safety because not everyone has a friend that they can use as an online dating safety buddy as I do. The text group is for us to share the information of who we are meeting and where just as a safety measure. And we check back into the group when the date is done and we are safe. I don’t love that we have to be so cautious, but it’s necessary and I’m glad we have a safe space with no judgment. I am glad I’ve always had a friend that I can use for this and not worry about what she thinks, but I’m even more glad now that I’ve created a space for others to use when they didn’t have someone. That group is very new so we haven’t had a lot of texting yet, but we have been sharing a bit of silly stuff as well. But what makes me happy about it is that I was able to start a group like that and feel like I have done something that would benefit others.

I can still feel a bit of my down mood lingering, but I’m so glad it’s starting to lift.  I have to stay aware because if I don’t keep working on it I know that things might go back to being down again. Knowing that I have some ongoing things that are making me feel better helps, but I’m going to keep working on finding more things that will bring me joy and make things feel more normal for me again.

You Might Also Like

Default ThumbnailSpreading Some Holiday Cheer (or Finding Cheaper Ways To Make People Smile) Default ThumbnailBuilding Upon My Monthly Challenge (or Continuing To Work On Shopping) Default ThumbnailGift Shopping (or For Me, It’s That Time of the Year) Default ThumbnailIt’s Almost Gift Giving Time! (or Excited To Finally Give A Present) Default ThumbnailA Happy Hour Celebration (or Looking Forward To Another Wedding) Default ThumbnailDriving Around For No Reason (or Finding Places That Make Me Happy)

Comments Off on Finding Little Things To Make Me Happy (or Shopping And Text Groups)

Posted in Dating, Fun Stuff, Shopping, Tough Stuff

Tagged , , , ,