Monthly Archives: December 2020

Looking Back At My 2020 Goals (or Some Wins and Some Not Wins)

Posted on December 31, 2020 | Comments Off on Looking Back At My 2020 Goals (or Some Wins and Some Not Wins)

We are finally at the end of 2020! I know that things won’t magically change tomorrow because it’s a new year, but the new year brings hope that we’ve all been needing. I fully believe that I will be able to get the vaccine in 2021 and that some sense of normalcy will be returning. It may not be until the end of 2021, but it’s still something to look forward to.

And as I do at the end of every year, it’s time for me to look back at the goals that I set for 2020. Obviously, the pandemic changed a lot in my life and about 75% of my year was spent isolating at home. But I’m happy that I was able to get a few of my goals done, even if they weren’t the way I expected them to happen. And I’ll take a look at each goal on its own.

My first goal was to do at least 200 Orangetheory classes. As I am writing this post, I haven’t done my last workout for the year. But when I do, I will have done 204 workouts for the year. These workouts were not the way I planned on doing them. I was only in the studio until mid-March and then every other workout was done at home. I’ve built a nice little home gym setup, something that I never expected to have. I’ve been able to motivate myself when nobody is holding me accountable. I might not have done as tough of workouts as I’m used to, but I still did over 200 workouts this year.

My next goal was to cook more often. And that definitely happened. I might have ordered more delivery food than I would have liked, but I didn’t really go out to any restaurants this year. So I think it probably balanced out. I found some new easy recipes that I can make with minimal effort. I still don’t love cooking the way that I want to, but I’m getting much closer. This is one goal that I think the pandemic helped me with because I was forced into it.

The next goal was to work on my home organization. If only I knew then how often I’d be working on organizing and cleaning my house this year. A lot of organizing was more about staying busy and having something to do that day. But I still got myself more organized. I have more projects that I want to work on, but those have been figured out as I work with new systems in my house and seeing what I’m missing or needing. Having limited space does make things tough, but I’m looking at new options for storage that will help me keep all the new organization I’ve done.

The next goal was to work on job hunting and my budget. I think this one was a bit of a fail, but not a total fail. I’ve already written about my lack of budgeting work this year. It was hard to feel motivated to budget when I wasn’t working. And I wasn’t planning on job hunting to be during a tie when so many people were out of work. But I did continue to apply for work and hope for the best. And I did get a new job this year, but it wasn’t from my job hunting efforts. But it was because I was being open about needing work and continuing to build skill sets. I hope that I will be able to get my budget in order soon again, but not doing it for the majority of 2020 really did set me back a bit.

Next is a goal that almost makes me laugh. It was to be more social and have more fun. I actually wrote about how being home was something I do too much of and need to not do as often. Again, if only I knew then that I’d basically be trapped at home for the year. I don’t know if I can say I was more social. I did create new virtual social opportunities like the Movie Club I run twice a week. And I’ve become really good friends with many of the women in that group. Many of us agree that our becoming friends has been the one good part of this year. But my goal was to get out more and I clearly couldn’t do that.

And my final goal was to be more active in union service and working on my acting career more. I think I have become more active in union service. Just creating the You Are The Union live-stream has made me more involved. And I’ve had a lot more time to be involved and stay informed. So that’s good. But as far as my acting career goes, besides getting better at doing self-tape auditions, I haven’t done much. But I’m hopeful that soon I’ll be able to do more as things become safer again.

Considering this past year, I am proud of what I did. So many of the goals I didn’t do were out of my control. And I did find ways to make some of these goals happen when the original way I planned no longer was a possibility. Also, the goals I set for myself are not requirements for the year. Failing to accomplish one or two is ok. But overall, I’m happy with what I did and how I didn’t allow this crazy and challenging year to stop me from trying my best.

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Starting Over Again (or I Can’t Ignore My Budget Anymore)

Posted on December 30, 2020 | Comments Off on Starting Over Again (or I Can’t Ignore My Budget Anymore)

For a long time, I was doing really great with keeping a budget and staying on top of things. I knew that I wasn’t doing financially great, but I at least knew exactly what was going on with my money and I was very aware of it all. I was using YNAB for tracking money and it made me feel much better about my money situation.

Of course, there were times that I wasn’t as on top of budgeting as I could be, but I was still aware of a general idea about money. But I always seemed to find my way back and continued to make progress in tracking money and planning ahead.

And then the pandemic hit.

For a little while, my life wasn’t that different and I was still tracking money. But then I stopped working and making money and there didn’t seem to be a reason for me to track. I know that is not the truth and I probably needed to track my spending even more, but it’s hard when all you see is money coming out and nothing coming in. And I have been ignoring my budget for most of this year now.

But now, I’m starting to have steady money coming in again. It’s still not quite steady, but it should be in the next few weeks. I’m getting out of survival mode and starting to be in a position to plan for life again. Not like there is much to life right now with things shut down, but that almost might be exactly why I should start up with my budget again. When I only have limited expenses, it won’t be as crazy as it would be when I have so many different categories of spending.

So I am trying to get back to budgeting again. And because I’ve been ignoring my budget for almost a year, I just need to start over in YNAB. It’s not too weird to do a fresh start in that system, and I’ve done it before. So it will be something I’m familiar with. However, this time I’m also going to be starting over with my budgeting education. I still remember some of the basics of how to use the system, but there is so much that I have forgotten. And I want to start over doing things correctly and not have to do another fresh start in a month or two.

I need to be on top of what I’m spending money on and make sure that I’m not overspending in the few categories that I am spending money in. I know there’s a chance since delivery food tends to be more expensive than when you actually go out to eat with different fees and charges. I also have different bills now than I did earlier this year, so budgeting for those is really important. And I want to know how much money it will be ok to dedicate to things when I can finally go out again.

I know the timing of this makes it sound like a resolution or goal, but I’m actually writing about this now because I don’t know if I want it to be a goal. I don’t want there to be pressure to start my budgeting before I feel comfortable with the system again. If it takes me a week or two to get things back up and running, that’s fine. I don’t have to start a new budget on the 1st. Whenever I start it will be fine.

And hopefully before I know it, I’ll be back to using YNAB regularly and feeling much more secure with my money and how I can manage in the future for other expenses.

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My Usual Christmas Routine (or Somehow This Felt Lonelier Than Normal)

Posted on December 29, 2020 | Comments Off on My Usual Christmas Routine (or Somehow This Felt Lonelier Than Normal)

I pretty much spent Christmas the way I expected to. I did work out that morning, which normally isn’t part of my routine on Christmas, but besides that everything was pretty normal. Most years, since I’ve lived in LA, I spend Christmas watching movies and ordering Chinese food. Sometimes I go out for dinner or for a movie and sometimes everything is at my house. But it’s pretty much the same deal every year.

The one big issue I discovered doing that this year was that it seemed like everyone was ordering Chinese food! I thought I’d eat early so I went to place my order online at 4pm. When I did that, the next available delivery wasn’t until 7! I thought I was beating the rush, but I guess not. And my food didn’t arrive until almost 9. I was actually worried that the delivery driver had gotten into an accident or something so I called the restaurant to make sure everything was ok, It was, they were just way busier than they expected. Christmas is always a crazy night for them, but this was another level of craziness! Several of my friends tried to order in food from their local restaurants and were told they weren’t accepting orders anymore! So I guess I was lucky even with a 5-hour delay between ordering and getting my food. Next year, I’ll plan better and maybe place an order in the morning with a set later delivery time.

But it worked out just fine for me in the end. I had my food and I watched my movie. Exactly what I expected to do and that made me happy.

But things felt different for me this year. I almost always spend Christmas alone. That’s fine with me and it usually doesn’t bother me much. But this year, it was a lot harder to be alone. I know that is probably because I have spent most of the last 9 months alone and isolated, so it just hits me harder. But knowing why doesn’t necessarily make the feelings any better. I just tried to accept that was how I was feeling and be ok with maybe not being in the best mood. I did try to cheer myself up with little things, but if they didn’t work I wasn’t hard on myself.

I know a lot of my friends struggled with being lonely at Christmas. I imagine it was even harder for them because they are used to be around their family and it was possibly the first time they weren’t together for the holiday. I know that feeling well since that’s how my Thanksgiving was. But we all know and accept that this is the way things have to be for now so that there are more holidays to celebrate in the future. And there is an end in sight with all of this.

I think the combination of winter holidays being bunched up together plus the days being so short make it a little extra tough in general. Adding in a pandemic and the isolation from it is something I couldn’t have imagined before this year. And I’m already preparing to have a bit of a tough time on New Year’s Eve since that’s a night I’m normally celebrating and surrounded by friends. But I know I will get through this time. I know I’ve written that multiple times, but I have to keep reminding myself often that I will be ok.

And next year when I’m having my usual Christmas alone with my movies and Chinese food, hopefully it won’t feel as lonely as it did this year and it will just be a nice day to myself.

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Christmas Week Workouts (or Hitting Milestones and Missing Traditions)

Posted on December 28, 2020 | Comments Off on Christmas Week Workouts (or Hitting Milestones and Missing Traditions)

This past week of workouts was my last full week of workouts for 2020. Christmas week has always been fun for me at Orangetheory because of some of the traditional things that happen during those workouts. Sadly, since we are all doing the workouts at home, some of those traditions couldn’t happen this year.

For example, I love the Christmas Eve workouts and the Naughty or Nice stockings. I have always enjoyed the workouts that are luck of the draw and the Naughty or Nice ones are so fun. They can be really tough and sometimes that makes me feel a bit crazy during the workout, but after the workout is done I’m always happy.

And along with the workout on Christmas Eve, I have a tradition of taking a photo with one of my coaches. This would have been the 7th Christmas Eve that I was at Orangetheory, and we’ve only missed one photo together. But sadly, that photo had no way to happen this year and we’ll just have to make up for it next year. But I will probably add something funny to our collage to represent this year.

And this year, I didn’t even work out on Christmas Eve. I always have before because Orangetheory is closed on Christmas. It’s the only day the studios are closed. So if Christmas falls on a day I normally work out, I make sure I go on Christmas Eve instead. This year, if things were normal, I would have done that. But because all the workouts are online, I decided to keep my normal workout schedule. So I worked out on Christmas this year. And in a year that has so much that doesn’t feel normal, keeping my normal workout schedule was a good thing.

But there was one tradition that I didn’t miss. Almost every year, I have hit my workout goal. And this year, there was a brief moment when I thought the time I took off when I was sick with vertigo would ruin my chances of doing that. Fortunately for me, my math was just very off and I was still on track for getting to my goal before the end of the year. And I did exactly that this past week.

I still have a few more workouts this year, so I will be over 200 workouts by the time the year is done. And yes, over 75% of my workouts were done at home and not in the studio. But I think that it should still count. I do hope that I have more workouts in the studio next year, but we have no idea when it will be safe for the studios to reopen. So at least I know that I can hit my goals while working out at home so I won’t let that be an excuse for me.

As far as the workouts went, this past week was pretty good. I had a few things that made it tough on me (like being in a lot of pain for a few reasons), but I was in a much better mood than I had been in recently so I was able to push through. I had a few moments of working out hard enough to feel sore, which still makes me happy.

All of my workouts were online videos. It’s actually been this way for a while now. Sadly, because of my schedule with my new job, I can’t do the Zoom workouts anymore. I do miss my Zoom workouts and how those felt so different from the online videos. But I have to prioritize my work schedule, especially when there are other options for doing the workouts at home. And maybe another one of my coaches will do Zoom workouts that fit into my schedule. But for now, it’s just the online videos for me.

This week will close out my workouts for 2020 and kick off my workouts for 2021. I still need to think about some workout related goals to set for myself. But I will be setting them with the assumption that at least a portion of my workouts will be at home. I need to find goals that will work for both home and studio workouts. But I feel like I’m kicking off the end of this year on a good note and proud of what I’ve done so far. And that’s an amazing feeling.

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Merry Christmas! (or I Hope You Are All Finding Ways To Celebrate!)

Posted on December 25, 2020 | Comments Off on Merry Christmas! (or I Hope You Are All Finding Ways To Celebrate!)

Merry Christmas everyone! As my posts on Christmas usually are, this is going to be a bit of a short one.

I normally would say that I hope that you are all celebrating Christmas with the people you love. But this year is different. As much as I want you all to be around friends and family, I know that many of you can’t. It’s so tough not spending a holiday with your family. I experienced that on Thanksgiving. But I know that not being with family on Thanksgiving was necessary to make sure none of us get the others sick. And I know that many of you know that about Christmas as well.

I hope if you celebrate Christmas, you can still find a way to celebrate even if you are alone. A virtual holiday isn’t as good as an in-person one, but it does help. So I also hope that those of you missing family can see them on a video chat today. And if you spending time alone and that’s what you wanted to do, I hope that it’s exactly how you wanted it to be.

For me, I usually spend Christmas alone. It’s not a big deal to be missing family today since I don’t usually see them. I’ll probably just be lazy around my house. But that’s ok with me and what I expected to be doing. It’s still a little harder than normal because I am feeling lonely all the time, but I’ll be ok and I know that soon enough things will be able to open again.

So I hope you all have an awesome Christmas (or Jewish Christmas), that you get fun presents, and you are able to be happy today!

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Feeling Optimistic About My Jobs (or Working This Year Has Been Weird)

Posted on December 24, 2020 | Comments Off on Feeling Optimistic About My Jobs (or Working This Year Has Been Weird)

When 2020 started, I was feeling like my job was pretty stable. Even though my box office job didn’t pay me enough to have it as my only job, it was a steady income that I could count on. And I did have my data entry job to help add to my income. I wanted to do some job hunting this year to find something better, but I also knew how lucky I was to have a job.

Then the pandemic hit and at first, my box office job wasn’t affected. Then it started to change. At first, I was working reduced hours but it was still bringing in decent money. Then it became 3 hours a week and almost no income. And then in August, I was officially let go from that job. My main income (and the job that felt most stable) was done for now. And there is no timeline for when my job will be back because it’s based on the pandemic ending. I had hoped earlier this year that things would be back by now. I still want to hope that they will be back by the spring, but I have also learned that things are so unpredictable.

And my data entry job has been a bit weird since the pandemic as well. Because so much of my work is based on adding events to a calendar, there was a sharp decrease in work for me. Some other factors changed my hours too, but they were things that were a bit more in my control and I was ok with the changes. I’m grateful that at least I had this job plus my unemployment this year. I don’t know what I would have done without it. But I also knew that I couldn’t just sit around and hope for the best.

And that’s one of the reasons I’m so grateful that I got my new job. While I won’t be working my full hours until January and I actually have the next week off, it’s been great! I’m feeling more and more comfortable with the work and what I need to do. And it will almost make up the income that I lost when I lost my box office job.

Plus, I’m really having a great time with this new job. Some of the work is stuff that I can apply in other parts of my life, which is fun! And it’s been awesome getting to know my new co-workers. It’s been all virtual stuff, but that’s ok. There was a work Zoom holiday party and it was nice getting to have time to meet everyone and get to know more about everyone outside of more professional and official stuff. And the best thing is that I feel appreciated. That’s not something you always have at every job. I feel so lucky that they appreciate my work and understand that I am a part of the team. I felt even more appreciated when earlier this week a gift basket arrived with a holiday present from the company!

I was not expecting a gift considering that I haven’t been there for an entire month yet. But it made me smile so much!

And the positive things continued when I had a meeting with my bosses from my data entry job. Technically, my contract ends on the 31st, but there will be a new contract that starts on the 1st. Things still have to be figured out and finalized, but it will be done and that’s a big relief. And in my meeting, I was able to be very honest about how I have been feeling about the job. Lately, I have felt like I was not doing my job because there aren’t things I can add to the website. I feel like I am almost wasting money. It was good to hear from my bosses that they don’t think that about me, but it also opened up the conversation to figure out the best way I can work on the new contract. I think there will be new jobs for me to do that are much more specific goals so I can have things to work toward and have a better way to do time management.

Hopefully, between my new job and the new way I will do my data entry job, things will be much better for me in 2021. And when my box office job comes back, I do hope that they offer me my job again. I don’t know how I would balance everything, but I would at least like the chance to try. But I’m in a much better place now to wait for that job to open than I was before. If it doesn’t come back until almost the end of next year, I will be ok. And I can look into managing all the jobs then. For now, I’m just focused on the jobs I have now.

This year has been such an up and down year for my jobs. It started in a pretty ok place, got bad, and it seems like things are going to end better than the year started. Even though I wanted to find a new job, I’ve had that goal for a while and never accomplished it. And I thought if I found a new job, it was going to be something that wasn’t interesting or that made me happy. This year has been full of so many surprises, and most of them have been bad surprises. So to have a good surprise to end the year is so nice!

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And Another Virtual Party (or A Secret Santa Hangout)

Posted on December 23, 2020 | Comments Off on And Another Virtual Party (or A Secret Santa Hangout)

In past years, this was the time that it seemed like there were dozens of holiday parties to go to. This year, this is the time that there are dozens of virtual parties to go to. The benefit of virtual parties is that you don’t have to worry about driving from one location to another. You might get tired of sitting at your computer, but you can party hop a lot easier when they are virtual. I’ve been pretty lucky with the timing of virtual parties and they haven’t really been overlapping, but it has been keeping me busy.

In the past week, I think I’ve had 4 virtual parties. That’s not a ton, but it’s been more virtual hangout time than I normally do. But they have all been really fun parties. And one of them was a gift-opening party for one of my Secret Santa groups.

Not everyone who participated in our Secret Santa exchange was on our Zoom hangout, but we had a good-sized group. And most of the time we were on Zoom, we weren’t doing any Secret Santa stuff. We were being silly, sharing stories, and just having a nice time being social. This group is a Facebook group that I only know virtually. We’ve had other Zoom hangouts, but we’ve never met in person. And some of the people who were at the Secret Santa party were new to a Zoom hangout. It was so nice to be able to put voices to the profiles I’ve seen online.

I was a little late to this hangout because of work, but I only missed a little bit. But it was really nice to have it after work because it broke up my day. Even though I was still at my computer, it felt like a clear end time to work and start time for having fun. That’s something I’ve been missing a lot since the pandemic started. I used to try to run errands or something after work to have a clean break from work time. Now, I know I could go for a walk or something but I really don’t have a lot of opportunities to do much else.

It was so nice to have a nice just being social and having fun. And of course, we opened our presents while we were together on Zoom. The person I bought gifts for was on the Zoom, so I was able to see how happy she was with what I got her (I got her something she specifically said she wanted plus a few other things that I thought she might like). She seemed very excited to get the thing she asked for, and that made me really happy too.

My Secret Santa was not on the Zoom hangout, but I understood that not everyone could be there. But she got me some really amazing things! I got a candle that has my favorite scents, some nice hand cream, face masks, and chocolate!

I loved it! Nothing was extravagant, but they felt like special things since they weren’t things I usually buy for myself. And any presents I get from someone always feels special. Even though my Secret Santa doesn’t know me in real life, she picked out some really great things for me and I could tell that she paid attention to the forms we filled out with what we like.

Our virtual hangout ended up lasting several hours because we were all just enjoying talking to each other. I know we should try to do them more often, but it’s tough. We all have different schedules and I know many of us have Zoom fatigue. But this was such a nice time and so relaxing compared to many other things we all have to do on Zoom these days. We’ve all joked that when the pandemic is done, we will have to travel somewhere to all meet in real life. But for now, meeting up virtually is what we can do. And if I’m being honest, if we weren’t in a pandemic, I don’t think we would have done this. So making a lot of new friends is one good thing to come out of this really hard year.

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A Virtual Holiday Party (or Missing My Union So Much)

Posted on December 22, 2020 | Comments Off on A Virtual Holiday Party (or Missing My Union So Much)

I’ve been getting more and more involved with my union. A lot of my involvement has been related to union service, such as being a delegate and attending board meetings. And being involved with union service is important since the members are leaders of the union. Even though we have staff, so much of what the union can do is because of the membership. So being involved in union service is something I try to do a lot of and try to encourage others to do so as well.

But I also have been trying over the years to do more fun things with the union too. And there are normally a lot of fun opportunities, such as going to screenings and attending classes and Q&A interviews. And a few times a year, there are big social events for the union. The biggest one in my opinion is the annual holiday party!

I’ve attended the holiday party for the past several years. I haven’t always been able to attend, but I always try my best. And it’s just a good fun time. It’s all about being social with other members. There is food, lots of photo opportunities, and lots of time to just talk to each other. Since there is no real agenda for the holiday party, it’s a great time to catch up with union members I haven’t seen for a while and to meet new members. Since most of the members I know are also involved in union service and a lot of members aren’t involved, it’s always been a time that I get to meet a lot of new people.

It can be a little overwhelming being in a big crowd when you don’t know everyone, but I’ve never regretted going. Sometimes I don’t stay too long, but I always go when I can and I always leave feeling so happy.

So with everything going on this year, missing the holiday party was just another thing that couldn’t happen. But that didn’t mean that it was completely gone. Normally, the holiday party is for the Los Angeles Local, so it’s only members from LA that are a part of it. But this year, with everyone getting used to having virtual hangouts, they made the holiday party a virtual one! And it was with union leaders from all over the country!

There were different videos that were included in the virtual party that highlighted different Locals within the union. And it was very positive and upbeat about how we have made it this far during the pandemic and soon things will be going back to how we are used to having them. Film and TV have started up again but at a very reduced capacity. I think everyone is ready for the entertainment industry to be back up and running and all of the leaders were very encouraging about that happening soon. We can’t control when the pandemic will end, but we can be prepared for when it happens so we can get back to work.

There was also some entertainment at the virtual party. Since our union covers singers too, we have amazing singers in the leadership. And there was even a short video with a cooking demonstration. It was really cute and I loved what they were able to put together.

I did miss out on seeing my friends and meeting new people, but that’s how I’ve been feeling about this entire year. I’m hoping it won’t be too long before we can all be together again. And I know I will appreciate it even more. And I hope that next year, they can do both the in-person and virtual holiday party. I love the in-person one because I get to meet so many members that live in LA. But I loved the virtual one and how it included members all over the country! That feeling of unity was wonderful and I want to continue feeling that.

I guess I’ll just have to wait and see what happens next year with the party (or parties). But I’ve got my fingers crossed that we will have 2 parties in a year!

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Default ThumbnailUnion Working Holiday Party (or Just Enjoying Being Around Good People) Default ThumbnailAnother Union Holiday Celebration (or Being Social And Working Social Media) Default ThumbnailUnion Holiday Party (or Seeing A Lot Of People In A Little Time) Default ThumbnailSAG-AFTRA Holiday Party (or Getting Ready For Elections Again) Default ThumbnailThe First Holiday Party Of The Season (or A Meeting And A Mixer) Default ThumbnailLots Of Virtual Meetings (or Virtual Union Meetings)

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Posted in Acting, Celebrations, Fun Stuff

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An Up and Down Workout Week (or a Weird Week and a Weird Milestone)

Posted on December 21, 2020 | Comments Off on An Up and Down Workout Week (or a Weird Week and a Weird Milestone)

As expected with this past week of workouts, I spent part of it dealing with nausea. It was actually split in half for me. I was feeling awful on Monday and Wednesday and felt much better on Friday and Saturday. And fortunately, it seems like my vertigo is almost completely gone so I didn’t have to deal with that as well. I still have moments of vertigo, but it’s not that frequent and it’s not always triggered by the same exercises. So even with having moments of vertigo, it’s not causing that many issues in my workouts.

As I’ve dealt with so many times in recent months, motivation has been hard to find sometimes. I really want to feel strong and like I’m working hard, but then when I’m working out I just can’t push myself. I think it’s not just about the workout, it’s just the state of the world and feeling not like myself. And I will continue to try to figure out what I can do to get over this, but I don’t know if that will change until I’m not doing my workouts at home anymore.

And speaking of workouts at home, this past week marked 9 months since I’ve been doing workouts at home. Every time I hit some sort of milestone with working out at home, I’m shocked. When things shut down, nobody thought we’d still be shut down 9 months later. I remember thinking about how hard it was going to be to miss a month of Orangetheory. Missing 9 months of Orangetheory was just unimaginable to me. And I can only hope that it will not take 9 more months before I can do workouts outside of my house. But that does seem like a safe hope.

I could technically go to the outdoor workouts now, but I’m still just not ready. I want to make sure it will be safe for me. I don’t know if that will mean I need to be vaccinated before I feel safe or if the cases just have to go down for me to feel that way. I am not going to push myself to go until I feel safe because I know if I’m worried about things I won’t be able to get everything out of the workout. I want to feel safe now, but I can’t force myself to get there.

I am also worried about how much weaker or out of shape I might be when I go back. That fear is a little easier to deal with because I know that it’s inevitable and I just will have to get over that. But no matter how far I’ve fallen from where I was before, I know I’m stronger than I was when I first started going. And hopefully, it will be easier to get back where I was once I am back in a class (whether it is an outdoor class or back in the studio).

But I am still just reminding myself every workout that at least I did something. I could have skipped them. It would be very easy to just not work out. Nobody is forcing me to work out. I am motivating myself and that is something to be proud of. And even if I’m not maxing out what I can do in every workout, there were moments this past week where I felt like I worked really hard. They were only moments and not entire workouts, but it still felt amazing.

The next 2 weeks of workouts will be a bit odd. I’m working with both trying to do my typical holiday workouts and a new work schedule. And my work schedule is not what it will normally be because of the holidays. So I will be doing a mix of my normal workouts at normal times and weird workout times or days. But I’m still hoping I will get at least 3 workouts in a week.

And once it is the new year, I will most likely no longer be able to do my workouts at home in the morning. I will be working every day starting at 9am. And I could wake up earlier than normal and try to get a workout in first (which I am still debating). But I will be done with work around 1pm so it shouldn’t be too hard to do an afternoon workout. It’s not what I’m used to and I don’t know if I’ll like doing that, but that’s kind of how this year went with my workouts. I am not used to home workouts and I don’t love them. But I still did them. And I have figured out how to make it work. And I’ll do the same with the new schedule in the new year.

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Posted in Fitness

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This Doesn’t Feel Like Almost The End Of The Year (or Time Feels Frozen)

Posted on December 18, 2020 | Comments Off on This Doesn’t Feel Like Almost The End Of The Year (or Time Feels Frozen)

I was working on my planning for what blog posts I want to write in the near future, and it almost shocked me how close we are to the end of the year. This year has been the weirdest one of my life for sure. It has felt endless and like we have been stuck on the same day. I’ve said how this feels like the year that never happened, and that feeling still describes how I think about 2020.

I’ve had some moments of feeling low and like I almost lost a year of my life since I couldn’t do much. I’ve said how I feel like I have nothing that could be an accomplishment or an achievement this year. I know that isn’t true, but it’s hard not to feel like that. If someone asked me what I did in August, I honestly don’t know if I could share something productive that I did. I know that staying home and staying safe is a big accomplishment and something to be proud of, but it’s hard when I am very goal-focused and my goals have been not what I would expect them to be.

Even my monthly challenges have been tough for me. So many of them have been about just dealing with what we are all going through. I want to make the challenges about doing something that I can be proud of or feel like I have bettered my life in some way. Again, just like with general goals, I know that challenging myself to be ok with staying home and not being around others was likely the most important thing I have done. But it’s hard to celebrate avoiding things or a lack of progress even though that is what was best for me.

I know I’m not alone in my feelings. Many people have said similar things about this year not counting. Funny enough, as I was writing this post, I was listening to a podcast and they joked that none of our birthdays should have counted this year because it was a year we couldn’t really go out and live. I feel like once we can be together again, so many of us will share how we felt this past year and we will feel better about our own feelings. It’s not easy to not feel alone when you aren’t really able to share with others.

I’m continuing to try to be gentle with myself with what I’m doing these days. I will still do a recap of my year on here and cover the goals I had because it is important to recognize what I was able to do even under these circumstances. And I’m trying to focus on what goals I can set for next year. I am cautious about my goals for next year because I don’t know when I will be able to do things again. Even after I get the vaccine, I don’t know if it will be totally safe to be out and about. And who knows when different things will finally start reopening. But I can still set goals for myself that are somewhat under my control. And having a few goals that I might not be able to do because of the pandemic isn’t the worst thing. I will have to remind myself that not everything can be controlled and not reaching a goal isn’t a sign of failure. I am doing the best that I can and I have to be ok with that.

I don’t know when it will feel like it’s the end of the year. It might not. It might not even feel like a new year is here when it’s January. But eventually, I know it will feel like time is moving forward again. And I will appreciate that feeling even more when it’s back.

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Default ThumbnailA New Year Of Workouts (or Finally Starting To Feel Like Myself Again) Default ThumbnailFeeling Weird About Blogging Other Stuff (or Posting Silly Posts Just Feels Wrong) Default ThumbnailLooking Back At 2013 (or Where Did The Year Go?) Default Thumbnail5K Update (or Why It’s Not A Goal For This Year) Default ThumbnailOne More Mid-Year Check-In (or Preparing For The Second Half Of The Year At Orangetheory) Default ThumbnailUnder 90 Days Left In The Year (or Doing A Bit Of Reflecting)

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Posted in Tough Stuff

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