Posted onJuly 17, 2018|Comments Off on 6 Years In (or Being Ok With Where I Am)
Yesterday marked 6 years since my first blog post on here. I know I say this every time I get to a milestone on this blog, but I’m still so surprised that I’ve not only been able to keep this up but still blog 5 days a week like I set out to do when I started. It’s been over 1500 posts and they haven’t all been interesting, but they have been the proof of my journey. And I have been on quite a journey since I started this 6 years and a day ago.
When I started, I had no idea what I would really blog about or how much of myself I would be open about. I still don’t always know what I’m going to blog about sometimes, but the blog has motivated me to make sure that I keep my life as interesting as possible so that I can have fun things to write about. It doesn’t always happen, but it is some motivation for me when I feel like I don’t have anything fun in my life. I know that life will be boring from time to time and that will result in some boring posts, but I think that my life has gotten more interesting in the last 6 years.
And I still surprise myself but how much being open about tough things in my life on here has benefitted me. I was terrified when I revealed some things about myself that I wasn’t very public about because I didn’t want negative reactions from anyone. I have had some people comment about how I am lying about my eating disorder to make an excuse for my weight, but those are rare. A majority of people have been very positive toward me about these issues. Some have admitted that they have the same struggles or have reached out to me asking for how they can help someone they love who struggles with things. Being able to help others or encourage others to be open has been a really positive experience for me and I’ve tried to do that more often when possible.
There was no way for me to know 6 years ago the craziness that my life was going to have in the coming years. I’ve had some crazy health issues and fortunately they have all either worked themselves out or are not things I really need to worry about right now. I feel like I’ve had dozens of different day jobs since starting this blog, but I know it hasn’t been that many. My job situation has actually been more stable in the last 6 years than it ever has been for me. I haven’t traveled as much as I would have liked to in the last 6 years, but there are a few factors preventing that and I’m hopeful that in the future I’ll be traveling more.
And in the last year I’ve written more about dating than I ever thought I would. But if I’m being honest with myself, I think that this past year (or year and a half) of dating adventures has been the thing that has changed me the most over the course of this blog. It’s made me more adventurous in trying new things and taking chances on meetings guys who I wasn’t totally sold on from their dating profile. Sometimes they are just as bad in person, but there have been a few guys that I really wasn’t looking forward to meeting in person that ended up being really awesome. I’ve also learned to stand up for myself more and to not allow guys (or anyone for that matter) walk over me because I think I am not worthy of asking for more. I still struggle with that, but I’m getting better. And I’ve had to be more honest with myself on what I want in a potential partner, what I want in the future, and be willing to lose a great guy because we don’t want the same thing. Just like so many other things in my life, this is a work in progress, but the progress I’ve made has been so much more than I ever expected it to be.
Just like how I had no idea 6 years ago where I would be today, I have no clue what the next 6 years of this blog will bring. I have ideas of what I hope will happen, but I also have learned that nothing seems to go exactly how you hope. I can just have goals and work as hard as possible to accomplish those goals. But plan A rarely works and I’ve gotten used to working on plan M or Q. I do hope that I will still be blogging and still be blogging as regularly as I have been. I know that eventually I’ll miss a day or something will happen that prevents me from blogging (I thought my liver surgery would be that thing), but I do have every intention of keeping this up as long as possible.
Thank you for following my journey for the last 6 years and I hope that things continue to take twists and turns so I have fun things to write to you all about.
Last week I blogged about how I finally got back on the treadmill after 7 weeks of only using the bike during my workouts. That was a huge accomplishment for me not only because I knew my endurance would be lower than before but because I was terrified that walking would be so difficult for me. I didn’t want to feel disappointed or frustrated with myself and I knew that was going to happen. I would have to take time making progress and I’m not the most patient person. But this past week of workouts, I made progress that I wasn’t expecting to happen for a while.
Monday’s workout was a power switch day, so I was excited to try to see what I could do on the treadmill. We were never on the treadmill for more than 5 minutes so it was a good day to work on my speed and not feel too overwhelmed. But we switched so much that I was exhausted because the workout was crazy!
When I was on the treadmill, I used my slower speed for my base pace and my normal speed for my push and all out paces with the inclines all being my normal inclines. It was a bit tough at times to keep the speed up, but it was feeling easier than it had before so I know there was progress. It was very limited treadmill time compared to other switch days because even though this was a 2 group class we were using the treadmill, rowers, and floor sections.
When I was on the rower, it was always the same thing with rounds of 30 second all out rows with 15 seconds of recovery. I know my rowing wasn’t my best, but it was nice knowing that all the rowing was going to be 30 seconds because that goes by so quickly.
But the craziest section to me was when we were on the floor. We had a mix of timed exercises and counting the reps but they were equally hard. In the timed sections we always had just one thing to do. One block was squats with front presses using the medicine ball. Another block was skater lunges. And the last timed block was frogger squats. The timed work was always 30 seconds of work with 15 seconds of recovery but the recovery felt like nothing! In the other blocks we had things like chest presses, push-ups, and sit-ups.
About halfway through this workout, I felt like I was done. I thought it was just me from being so tired from the heat. But I asked a friend who was working out at the station next to me and he agreed that this workout was one of the tougher ones we had done. I think the combination of the quick switches, power moves, and lack of rest really made this hard. But I was glad I did it and as always felt so accomplished when class was done.
Wednesday’s workout was an endurance day and was supposed to be a workout to prepare us for when we have a 12 minute distance run again. I’m nowhere near ready to do a distance run, so I knew this workout was going to be more of a focus of just trying to get my endurance back.
The first block on the treadmill was a 5 1/2 minute distance run, a 90 second recovery, and another 5 1/2 minute distance run. We were supposed to be in a push pace during the distance run sections, and I did have my incline at the push incline I normally use. But I just knew that I couldn’t do my normal speed for that amount of time yet so I just did the entire thing at my slower speed. I was a bit disappointed in myself because I probably should have at least tried, but I could just feel it in my body that I was not going to be able to do it. The second treadmill block was 3 rounds of 1 minute push paces and 90 second base paces with an all out pace at the end. Again, I did my inclines like normal but used the slower speed.
On the floor, the first block was split up with a row in the middle. We had rounds of bridge rows and tricep extensions on the straps first and then a 300 meter row. Then we had ab dolly knee tuck and rollouts after. And the second block started with a 600 meter row and then we had more ab dolly work and swimmers. My floor work wasn’t my strongest, but I think that was because none of it involved weights and that’s when I’ve been doing my best. But I need to learn how to push myself more with body weight work too.
Friday was where I made my huge progress. I saw that the workout was going to have lots of 30 second all out paces. This format was similar to what the workout was like the first time I tried running. It was a little different with some of the all out paces being after a push pace, but there were plenty of all out paces that were right before and after a walking recovery. Even though I just got back to the treadmill, I thought this would be the perfect chance to test out running. I was a bit terrified that I was pushing myself too much, but I told myself that I could always stop running if it didn’t feel right.
There were 3 blocks and they all started with a 2 minute push pace followed by a 30 second all out which I walked at my slower speed. Then we had 3 different 30 second all outs sandwiched between the walking. And I decided to go for it and run. I ran at my old running speed and was surprised how it didn’t feel as difficult to get back to running as it did to get back to walking. The third 30 second all out each block was tough because I was getting tired, but not anything like I thought it would be.
I couldn’t believe that I was running again. I hadn’t really run at all since the end of last year and I was only back on the treadmill for a week and a half before trying running. And I really wasn’t expecting to be able to do this for at least a month or so. But I guess when I’m coming back to something I had done before, it was easier than when I started the first time.
After the running on the treadmill, I was ready to move to the floor. The workout was a Friday the 13th theme so all the floor moves were either 13 or 26 reps. It was one long block with adding on exercises to start and then taking away exercises after that. And each round had a 30 second all out row as well. The exercises were hop overs, triceps with weights, bench sit-ups to squats, and burpees. The hop overs were tough and my legs were feeling like bricks. And I knew there was no way I could do 13 burpees. So I decided to do modified burpees with putting my hands on the end of the bench instead of the ground. And with having that extra leverage with not being totally parallel to the ground, I was able to hop my feet out and back instead of stepping back! That was another thing I wasn’t expecting to be able to do.
After my huge progress on Friday, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect on Saturday. And when I saw it was a strength based run/row day I was still a bit unsure. But I decided that working on my running progress was going to be a priority to I didn’t do any of the incline work. We had 4 blocks that all started on the rower and then had a run for distance until time was called. The first row was 400 meters and each block went down 100 meters so we had more time on the treadmill each block. I went with my old interval training with 30 seconds of running and 1 minute of walking for my running plan. But because of the timing of everything, I usually ended up running for a bit longer at the end of each block. I even had a block where I ran for almost a minute! That was pushing it a bit much for me, but it just proved to me that my progress was going to be easier than I thought.
On the floor we had 2 blocks. The first block was lunges with weights, chest fly with weights, and ab work. I did both the lunges and chest fly work with 25lb weights which is higher than I was doing before. I figured I needed to make up for the strength work on the floor since I didn’t do it on the treadmill. And the second block had deadlifts, bicep curls, hip bridges, and side plank dips. For my deadlifts I used 30lb weights (instead of my usual 20lb), for my biceps I used 20lb weights (instead of my usual 15lb), and for my hip bridges I used one of the 30lb weights (I don’t really have a usual for this since I am newer to using weights for this move). I love how much stronger I am than I thought and it still makes me so happy when I get to walk over to the heavy weight rack to pick up heavy weights.
I honestly wasn’t expecting to have this much progress this past week. I thought the week before was the huge thing with getting back on the treadmill. But I guess I underestimated myself and I’m proving that I really can do it. I don’t know how long it will take me to get back to running like I was doing before. I’ve learned now not to set plans for myself. I am a bit worried about how I will feel running when I will be nauseous (which will probably be happening this week or next), but again I’m just going to listen to my body and do what feels right. My body was telling me I could run again when my brain was telling me not to. I’m glad I listened to my body.
Posted onJuly 13, 2018|Comments Off on Sometimes I Miss Not Caring (or The Grass Is Always Greener)
It’s been interesting being one of the only single people in my group of friends. So many of my friends who are married or are in serious relationships have loved hearing about my onlinedating adventures. They live vicariously through me and usually they ask if they can swipe on the apps for me. I limit them to swiping on Bumble because on there the woman has to message the guy first. If I let them swipe on Tinder, that could lead to a creeper message I don’t want to see. I always will get gross and creepy messages, but I like to limit those if possible.
A lot of the time, I complain to those friends that I just want to meet someone so I can get off of the apps. I am having fun dating and it’s so different now compared to other times in my life, but I also am tired of meeting new guys and hoping something will happen. I’m tired of the bad dates and the stress before a first date wondering if it will be good or bad. I do think I’ve been lucky compared to other single people as I have had more good dates (or bad dates with good stories) than truly awful dates. And nothing too horrible has happened to me which is a risk every time I meet someone even though I meet them somewhere public and a friend always knows where I am and when I am home safe.
Whenever I complain, many of my friends in relationships say that being in a relationship isn’t necessarily easier than dating. I’m aware this is true and relationships take work, but it’s a different type of work than dating. Some of them miss being single and having freedom to do whatever they want whenever they want. But I know that even though some of them miss their single time, they love their significant other and are glad to have the love and companionship from them.
The grass is always greener no matter what the situation is. I want to be in a relationship and some of my relationship friends want to be single (or at least single for a day so they can do whatever they want). But the grass is also greener for me when I compare myself to my old self.
Prior to about a year and a half ago, I rarely dated. When I did date, I really didn’t care too much about it. I did have some nerves about things, but they were more muted than they are now. I never imagined a future with any of the guys I went out with and I never really cared if I never saw them again after the first date. You’d like having fewer dates would have made me care more about each one, but that wasn’t the case for me.
I am not totally sure why things were the way they were before, but I am curious if it has to do with being on hormonal birth control before. I know that any hormonal birth control can change your mood and how you feel certain emotions. So maybe for me it was muting my feelings about wanting a relationship and companionship. This is just a theory, but it seems to make sense with the timing of things. Either way, before about April of last year I didn’t really care about dating and now I do.
And even though I’m having fun (despite some of the suckyparts of dating I’ve experienced) and it’s nice to feel wanted and enjoy that feeling, I miss not caring. I miss when dating wasn’t something I thought about all the time and didn’t care about. I miss not wondering if a guy who I like likes me back or if he’s going to text me back. I’m trying to not stress about the little things, but I do. I miss feeling neutral about things and not getting my hopes up or feeling heartbroken.
I think even with the annoyance of caring about things, I do still prefer now over how things were before. I do want to get married and have kids and I have to date to do that. I am learning about myself through dating a bit and I’ve become much more confident and self-assured. And I have learned that I don’t have to be as tolerant of people treating me badly like I did before. I can stand up for myself and I’m not scared about being called a bitch for doing so. I guess in some way, learning to care about dating has made me not care about what some people think about me.
While my dating adventures have made for some interesting blog posts, I do hope that these are not going to happen for forever. I am trying to stay optimistic that there is someone out there for me and that we will connect somehow. Chances will be we meet on an app since that’s the only place I’m really meeting guys, but you never know. And I know that even when I meet someone who is right for me that I will still stress out about things. But hopefully that stress will be easier to deal with when it’s about one person and not that I’m stressing about who I’ve met, will be meeting, or wondering if I should be meeting.
Posted onJuly 12, 2018|Comments Off on I Wasn’t Expecting To Write About The Heat Again (or Lazy Days)
I just wrote about the heat and how it had been affecting me lately. Fortunately since I wrote that post, it has been a bit better. It’s still very hot, but it’s much more tolerable. My little a/c unit can finally get my house below 80 degrees at night and I’m not feeling as heat sick.
But just because it’s better now doesn’t mean that this entire week has been affected by how it was earlier. I wrote about how I hadn’t been sleeping that well. I’m not the best sleeper, but I can usually get 6 hours of sleep when I’m in bed for 7-8 hours (I do toss and turn a lot). With this heat, I had been averaging about half of that. Over the weekend (when I wrote the earlier post), it hadn’t really affected me too much. I was tired, but I was still able to get things done during the day.
But by Monday, this lack of sleep really caught up with me. I was supposed to attend a union event on Monday evening that I had been looking forward to for about a week. It was about the commercial contracts and I knew that there was going to be a lot of information shared that I wanted to know about. And I knew that a bunch of my friends would be there and I love having a chance to catch up with friends at different events.
I didn’t have work on Monday but I did have some things I needed to do that morning and afternoon. I got those things done and went home to decompress a bit before getting dressed and leaving my house to go to the meeting. The next thing I knew, it was a few hours later. I ended up taking a nap but it felt more like passing out for several hours because I don’t even remember laying down on my couch.
I figured that after that on Monday, maybe I’d be doing better. I slept better Monday night to Tuesday morning but within an hour of starting work I was feeling ready to go back to sleep. I couldn’t ever remember being that tired before and I felt awful that I might not be pulling my weight at work. I fought to stay awake during my 7 hours of work (I may have fallen asleep briefly a few times while working) and as soon as I was done with work I went to lay down on my bed to try to nap again.
I woke up almost 4 hours later! I ate some dinner when I woke up and tried to stay awake for a few more hours and then went to bed at my normal time. I was worried I might not be able to sleep because of taking such a long and late nap. I did struggle a bit falling asleep but I was asleep within maybe 30 minutes of trying to sleep. And I woke up my normal time on Wednesday morning feeling so much more refreshed.
I know they say that if you don’t sleep that you can’t catch up on sleep by sleeping in another day. But I honestly finally feel like I got the sleep that I didn’t get over the weekend. Maybe because I had such a severe sleep deficit and that it was during such a short time period that somehow I did make up the time I lost. I usually so good about going to bed and waking up at the same times every day. Even when I stay up late, I’m almost always up at the same time (which can be annoying at times). But I think these past few days really affected me more than I expected and I really just want to be back to normal.
I know that it’s not a bad thing to have lazy days every now and then. But I feel like I had just gotten over being sick and all the lazy days that I had when I was not feeling well. I also hate that I’ve been lazy because it makes for boring posts on here! I was really hoping to be able to write about the union meeting that I didn’t make it to. And I really haven’t been doing much this week because of feeling off and I don’t know what I’ll be writing about tomorrow yet. I’m sure I’ll think up something, but I really prefer it when my life is interesting so I know I have some good content for you all to read!
Posted onJuly 11, 2018|Comments Off on Celebrating My Mom (or She Hit A Big Milestone)
It’s been a long time since I’ve written about my mom’s cancer on here. And that’s for a good reason. My mom had surgery, chemo, and radiation and she was declared cancer-free after her treatments. She still has sporadic appointments to get checked out and for other things, but she hasn’t needed any further treatments beyond her original treatment plan!
When my mom was originally diagnosed, there was a lot of information coming at us to understand what all of this meant. Even though my entire family is in medicine, cancer was a new things for us all and there was so much that we didn’t know. And there was plenty that my parents knew that they didn’t necessarily tell me. We never discussed survival rates because we also knew that it really didn’t mean much. I’ve had medical situations that were 1 in a million so even if the survival rate was 1% my mom could be the 1% that survives (I think it’s really closer to 75% but I’m not too sure).
The one thing that we did know was that getting to the 5 year mark was important and a good sign. We didn’t realize that the anniversary date is from the date of diagnosis before my mom got treatment. I guess I always figured 5 years cancer free means 5 years from when doctors declare you cancer-free. But it’s really a 5 year survival marker which is 5 years of surviving past diagnosis. It makes sense thinking about it now, but I remember at first that it was a weird idea.
Well, today marks 5 years for my mom! It seems like forever ago that my mom was diagnosed and that I felt so overwhelmed by the news. I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I found out from my mom. It was a day that for several hours I wondered if I imagined hearing the news. And I had an event to go out to that night that I really couldn’t skip out on and I felt so weird trying to put on a happy face. I remember sitting at home with a friend the day my mom had surgery (she didn’t want me to come up because there would be delays in the surgery schedule) and waiting on the news that she was out of surgery and it went well. I was so surprised when it was my mom who Facetimed me and my friend and I both told her how amazing she looks after surgery. Her hair looked better coming out of surgery than my did that day!
I remember seeing my mom’s scar for the first time and the first time I saw her without her hair and her wig. I rarely saw her without her wig, but she did show it off to me once. And I remember celebrating every milestone that she hit like when she was done with chemo and when she was done with radiation. And now I get to celebrate her again!
The 5 year mark is a big one but it’s not a guarantee. My mom will always be at risk for the cancer coming back, but it’s much less likely now that she made it 5 years. It’s a milestone that I know we have all been looking toward for so long. Even though in a way it doesn’t matter because she has been fine since her treatments, I’ve been waiting for the 5 year mark so that I could breathe a little easier. Somehow now, it seems more likely that we won’t have to worry about this any more. I know things can change, but this feels like we don’t have to think about it as much.
I have had several friends in the past 5 years get a cancer diagnosis and I know they are all looking toward the 5 year mark. And while all of my friends have been amazing how they’ve handled things and almost all of them have completed their treatments, my mom is still the most incredible person I know who has gone through treatments. The way she handled herself and was able to support our family as well when we were all having tough moments is so inspiring. I know that even with me dealing with my non-cancerous tumors, I wasn’t as amazing as she was and I wasn’t dealing with anything nearly as serious.
I guess the next milestone would be 10 years cancer-free, but that’s never been something I’ve really thought about as far as my mom not having to worry about cancer anymore. Getting to 5 years has been something we’ve all talked about for so long and it’s such a relief that my mom has made it. While I haven’t thought about her cancer for a while, it has been in the back of my head. Now, I can just relax and keep feeling reassured that she is fine and that cancer is in her past.
I know the entire country has pretty much been through a massive heat wave lately. It’s been brutal here in LA and I know that I don’t have it as badly as other people have had it. In LA, so many people were without power and when the temperature at night is still in the 90s that can be pretty miserable to sleep. I’m glad that I’ve had power this entire time (so far) and that I have a bunch of fans and my window a/c unit to keep things tolerable.
Even though my house is tiny, the window a/c doesn’t cool down my entire place. But it makes it much better. This heat wave is so much worse than what we’ve had before so it’s extremely rare to get my house below 80 degrees.
The past few days I’ve been running the a/c almost from the time I get up until I go to bed (I feel weird about running it while I’m sleeping) unless I’m not inside my house. And because the evenings are still hot I haven’t been able to open up my house at night to try to get some fresh air and cool things down more. It’s a bit claustrophobic when everything is closed up all day so I can cool down my house, but I know this is temporary.
Sleeping has been rough for me lately because of the heat. My house is still usually around 85 when I’m going to bed and my bedroom is a bit warmer than that because of how the sun goes through the windows. I’ve got a fan next to my bed and I have a cooling towel that I put on me while I try to sleep. I end up waking up once or twice a night to get some cold water to drink and to get the cooling towel wet again so I can try to stay cool. But I do toss and turn a lot at night when it’s this hot and my sleep has been suffering.
The other thing that has been affected by the heat is when I eat. I am not getting hungry until really late and that is not a good thing. I hate eating that late and I have been trying to make myself eat dinner at a more reasonable hour, but I’m just not able to do it. Usually when I should be having dinner I’m on my bed or couch with the fan pointed at me and just trying to stop sweating. This issue is also affecting my sleep because when I eat right before going to bed I get heartburn and that is never fun.
And as always, my body is super swollen in the heat. I know that most people have this issue, but it always hits me hard when none of my clothes fit me. I have a very limited wardrobe that I can wear in the heat and that I would want to wear when it’s this hot out. I’m pretty much sticking to yoga capris and tank tops. They are feeling tight on my body (and my workout clothes feel 2 sizes too small), but I know this is a temporary thing and has nothing to do with my weight loss efforts.
This is something I battle with every time we have a heat wave. But even with the extra issues with sleep and food, I think I’m dealing with the heat swelling so much better this year than I have in the past. I knew this was going to happen and I decided to not look at the scale and plan what clothes I could wear when things would feel tight. Planning for feeling this way has been helping me even if I have some moments where I’m so frustrated that things aren’t fitting or that it’s a struggle to fit into something that normally is so easy to wear.
The temperature here in LA is supposed to be getting better every day and in a week it should be normal or even a little cooler than normal. As much as I hate being super cold in my house, that is a bit better than feeling this heat sick. But feeling this way is usually very limited and I know that in a few days I should be over it and won’t have to keep complaining about it.
Sometimes when I set a goal by writing it on here, it really gives me the extra push to try to do it. I hate when I set out to do something and say it publicly and it doesn’t happen. And last week I said on here that I wanted to at least try to get back onto the treadmill. It had been 7 weeks since I was on the treadmill and I was a bit scared to take the step to get back on again. But I said I was going to do it and I’m so glad that I can say that I did it!
Monday’s workout was a strength based class. When I saw that I figured that since it would be incline work on the treadmill that I would just use the bike. But I realized that I needed to just jump in and try. Worst case, I could go to the bike partway through the workout, but I should at least start on the treadmill.
We were on the treadmill for the first half of class and there were 4 blocks during that time. All of the blocks were about progressive push paces, but 2 of them were about increasing speed and 2 of them were about increasing inclines. I decided to just do the same thing for all 4 blocks to keep it simple for myself. I started at 4% incline (my usual base incline) and every minute I went up 1% so I ended at 8% for the 30 second all out (which is the incline I’m usually at for all outs). I started slow on the treadmill and went up to my normal speed, but during that first block it was feeling a bit too fast so I went down .1mph. I was able to maintain that for those first 3 blocks and for the last one I went back to my normal speed to push myself. It wasn’t easy and I had to take breaks to catch my breath, but I did it! My distance wasn’t anything amazing, but considering it had been 7 weeks since I was on the treadmill I didn’t care what I did as long as I did it!
When I got to the floor, we had 2 blocks. The first block was lateral lunges with weights, overhead triceps with weights, weighted crunches, and a 200 meter row. I was using 30lb weights for my lunges and triceps (heavier than I normally would do!) and a 12lb weight for my crunches. And the second block was deadlifts and chest presses with weights with another 200 meter row. And I stuck with the 30lb weights for the work which made me so happy! The chest presses were a bit tough, but I knew I could do it since I did during the Orange X workout. My 200 meter row did get a bit faster from the first block to the second block. I was still off of what I know I could do, but since I had used the treadmill plus used heavier weights I wasn’t expecting my row to be anything spectacular.
I didn’t have to work on Wednesday because of the holiday, but when I was scheduling my workouts for the month I wasn’t thinking about that so I was in my usual early morning class. I would have loved to have slept in a bit that morning, but it was probably for the best for me to keep my usual schedule. And this class was a special 4th of July themed workout where we had the freedom to choose what we wanted to do on the rower and on the treadmill and it was a 3 group workout.
On the treadmill, we had the option to either do intervals with increasing incline or with increasing distances. Since I was still getting back into being on the treadmill I went with increasing distances. I was doing all of my intervals at my base pace incline and at .1mph slower than my normal speed. It started at .05 miles for the power walkers, then .08, and then .1 miles. We were supposed to keep increasing the distances but I was struggling a bit with my endurance so I just kept doing intervals at .1 miles each time with the walking recovery between. I could feel myself getting more comfortable on the treadmill as the time went on, but I know I still have a way to go.
On the rower, we started with a 100 meter row and then 7 frogger squats. Then we could choose if we wanted to increase the rowing distance by 50 meters each time or if we wanted to add 2 frogger squats each time. I went with the longer rowing just because I wanted the cardio time. My rowing at the beginning was pretty standard for me with how high the wattage was and the time it took me to get to the distance. As it went on, I was getting a bit slower but I was never that much slower than normal. I ended up rowing about 1800 meters by the end of the block before I moved to the floor.
The floor didn’t have choices, but we did have one block of timed exercises and one block where we had an assigned number of reps. For the timed exercises, we had lunges using the bench, jump lunges, and heel touch crunches. I wasn’t feeling too stable so I wasn’t using the bench for my lunges and I can’t do jump lunges. So I did them as weighted lunges and regular lunges. My legs were feeling dead after all the lunges! The second block was pull ups on the straps, rollouts on the straps, and then sit-ups until the class ended. It was a hard class, but a good type of hard. Plus, I wanted to work hard before I was lazy at a BBQ that afternoon.
Friday’s class was a strength based workout and I was a bit worried about using the treadmill since we were going to be doing cardio for the first half of class without switching. But I realized that I just needed to do it and use modifications because I am done with making excuses for myself.
We had 3 blocks that had the same format. We had a long base at an incline, a 1 minute base at a flat incline, a 1 minute base at an incline, a 1 minute base on flat incline, and then a 1 minute push to 30 second all out pace at a flat incline. Each block had a different time for the first push and the inclines were supposed to increase as the time went down. But I really kept things basic for me and used my regular push incline of 6% for all the incline work except for the 30 second all outs that I did at 8%. And my speed was still .1mph slower than I normally do. I will start testing the speed thing a bit, but this workout didn’t really seem like the right time to do that. Just like before, I had some struggles with my endurance, but I noticed a slight improvement over the other days.
But I really loved the floor work! After the Orange X workout, I really have a better idea of how strong I am and what I can do. The first block had single arm low rows and bench pullovers. I used 35lbs (just like I did for the Orange X workout) for the rows and 30lb for the pullovers. I thought about trying the heavier weight for the pullovers, but I wasn’t able to get a strong enough grip on the weight to feel ok with having it over my face. The second block was hip hinge reverse low rows and bicep curls and I did 20lbs for both of those. And the last block was Turkish half getups and bicycles. I started using a 15lb weight for the half getups, but it was a bit too heavy so I used 12lbs after that. But for that, we were told we didn’t have to use a weight so to use anything is awesome! For all the floor blocks, we also rowed at the end if we completed all the exercises and I did make it to the rower for the first and second block.
Saturday was a rough day for me. First, I was dealing with some issues because of the insane heat we had here (more on that tomorrow). I was exhausted, feeling a bit heat sick, and just not myself. But I knew that the a/c at Orangetheory would be way better than my window unit so I looked at my workout as my a/c break.
It was an endurance day and we had 3 blocks on the treadmill with similar formats. Each block had a 90 second push pace, a base pace, a 90 second push pace, a base pace, a 1 minute push pace, and a 30 second all out pace. The difference in the blocks was how long each base pace was. At Thursday’s workout, there was a goal to increase our base paces, but for me I really am just trying to get back to my old base pace. So what I ended up doing was my old base pace for all the push and all out paces (at 6% and 8% incline) and my slower base pace as the base pace speed. It was not easy doing the 90 seconds at the normal speed, but I did make it through and it’s giving me hope that I’ll be back to my old base pace soon. I think I’ll just have to keep doing this type of plan to ease myself back into that speed.
On the floor, we also had 3 blocks. The first block was with the mini bands. We had walk outs using the bands and then squats with single leg lifts. I’m getting much better at using the mini bands and I was even able to balance better doing the single leg lifts. But my heat exhaustion was starting to catch up with me on the floor and I had to sit down and get myself together. It was a bit frustrating because I knew this had nothing to do with my endurance but an outside issue. But I just took my time because I didn’t want to feel worse.
The second block started with a 500 meter row. I would have loved to have finished in under 2 minutes, but I was at 2:08. Considering the heat issues, I was pretty happy with myself. That block also had squat bench taps where I used 2 20lb weights and sit-ups. And the last block was lunges and single leg v-ups. I was pretty happy with doing the ab work because it gave me time to lay down and try to cool down a bit.
After 7 weeks of not using the treadmill, I’m still a bit surprised that I was able to do 4 workouts with it! And it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I knew a lot of the worry was in my head, but I needed to prove it to myself. It’s still going to be a while before I’m back to where I was before. I’m hoping in the next month or two to try testing running again by doing the 30 second all out paces as a run (just like how I started). But for now, I’m just happy that I’m almost back to my old power walking self and I’m on the path to make more progress again!
As you might have been able to tell from my post on the 4th of July, I was having some mixed feelings about celebrating. A lot of people I knew felt the same way and I think many people had the same conflicting feeling about what they should do and what would feel almost disrespectful. Even though I had that feeling, my friends were hosting their 4th of July BBQ on the 4th (instead of doing it the weekend before) and I knew I’d be going there for sure.
I arrived right after the party started and there were a few people there. We were all sitting in the shade since it was hot and we all were having the same feelings. In a way, it helped to be around people who were feeling the same since I didn’t have to feel like a total downer for not being in a celebratory mood. While we did try to not talk politics too much, it did come up and we were trying to keep the conversation more toward actions steps we can take and not just complaining about the situation.
Once more people showed up, the party started to be more social and more like all the other parties they throw. There was a ton of food (I made Drunk Fruit again) and the BBQ was going with hot dogs, veggie dogs, and corn on the cob. It was a good classic summer BBQ and that’s exactly what I needed to have in my life, even if I was hesitant about being in a celebratory mood.
And of course, I had to get my friends together for our traditional photo. 4 years ago we took a photo while running through the sprinklers. Even though the sprinklers haven’t been on since that party, we have recreated that photo every year. We did 2 runs through the lawn just being silly and ridiculous, and we got some really great photos like this one.
But I went with a different photo that fit a bit better into the collage I was making to celebrate 5 years of taking this photo.
It’s a silly thing that we do, but I think all 4 of us agree that this photo is something that makes us happy. After I make the collage I show the others and I can tell that seeing all the photos together over the years makes them smile as much as I do. We’ve all agreed that this tradition can’t end anytime soon and we want to make it at least to 10 years of photos. We are halfway there already!
I spent most of the party trying to move around and talk to as many of my friends there as possible. Since I don’t see many of them outside of these parties, I want to take advantage of the time I do have with them. And I think that’s how everyone else feels too. The time at the parties always feels special and a bit precious because it’s a time we are all together and can just relax around each other. For me, celebrating the holidays I celebrate at these parties is all about the people I get to be around. It’s the most important thing to me and I’m glad I have so many amazing people to be with on these days.
The entire day people had been setting off fireworks, but you can’t see anything until it gets dark (I don’t understand why people are setting them off at 11am). Once the sun went down, we started noticing the various fireworks shows that were happening all around us. You could look almost any direction and see fireworks in the sky. Several people went up on the roof, but I stuck with being on the ground this year.
One day I’ll learn how to take better pictures of fireworks, but until then I am grateful to friends who can take awesome photos and are willing to let me use them on here.
I ended up staying at the party later than I was planning on doing. When I was trying to say goodbye to people, I just kept getting into more intense conversations and it took me about 45 minutes from the time I said I was going to leave until I was walking out to my car. But that’s ok. I was still out of there at a decent time before too many people were leaving parties and being on the road. And I was home a bit later than I would have liked, but I still got enough sleep before having to get up for work the next morning.
The next party with my friends should be toward the end of the summer and I know that there is a chance I won’t get to see many of these friends until then. As much as we all want to see each other more often, between living far apart (by LA standards since in rush hour some of these friends live 2.5 hours from me) and all having busy lives, we know that it’s not necessarily going to happen. But that’s what makes these parties so important and special to me. This is a time that we set aside in our crazy schedules to come together and have fun. This isn’t something that everyone gets to experience and I’m so lucky that I have a group like these friends who appreciate it as much as I do.
I’ve been dealing with some female health issues lately. Some of it I’ve discussed on here, and some I haven’t. The things I haven’t shared on here are nothing too bad, but I’ve just been dealing with some recurring issues with my body not reacting normally when I have my periods each month beyond the nausea. I’ve joked to a friend that my body is allergic to when I have my period because my skin freaks out a bit and I have some other weird symptoms. But I know that’s not it. And I was managing it and handling it on my own until recently when I realized that I needed to stop treating myself and actually get checked out.
I usually schedule annual appointments around my birthday so I don’t forget about them, but I didn’t want to have to wait another month or so to figure out what’s happening with me. So I went in to see my OB/GYN (who does almost all my annual health checks and orders the tests I need to do) this week and it ended up being a longer appointment than I expected.
I’m very lucky that I have an amazing doctor. She was trained by my dad so she’s known my family for a while. And besides her being super educated and a great doctor she is also really easy to talk to. I don’t have to feel shame about any concerns I have or feel like she is going to judge me. More often than not I am comfortable enough around her that we can joke about things that others might feel like they could be judged for. It is so helpful to have a doctor you can be totally open with and know that you are going to be taken care of.
First, I did bring up all the nausea issues I’ve been having and what other options there are out there. I was prescribed a new anti-nausea medication that I can try when things are really bad, but I also got a refill for the medication I’ve been on since on the not-so-bad days it does help. It would be amazing if I never needed the stronger medication, but it’s nice to know I have a new option if I do need it.
Then we went over the normal things that are discussed in an annual appointment. I got all the standard tests that I needed plus a few others to see if we could figure out what’s been wrong with me. Some of the tests had a quick turnaround, but there are others that are going to be much more detailed and those may take a month or so to get the answers. Nothing is so bad that I can’t wait for the answers and I’m willing to wait because I do want to know what’s going on.
Finally I got all the other tests that I needed ordered put into the system. My OB/GYN works out of a medical office and not the big hospital, but they do have a lab and a few other departments there. So after my blood work tests were ordered I was able to just walk down the hallway to do that. I didn’t faint (yay!), but because we were doing some more tests than just my standard ones there were 5 vials of blood taken instead of the usually 2. I just kept my eyes closed while I was there and focused on breathing while the vials filled.
I also had a mammogram ordered since I didn’t have one last year. I’m still younger than the age when you need to start getting them each year and my doctor and I haven’t really figured out the best plan for me since I will also probably need MRIs as well, but we are working on the plan together. I also am not as high of risk as other people with a family history of breast cancer since my mom was older when she was diagnosed. But I’d rather be on top of screenings than not get them and realize there is something wrong when it’s too late. I could have scheduled my mammogram at the medical offices, but the hospital is actually closer to my house so I’m going to be going there again.
And after all that, I still had one more stop at the pharmacy at the office to get all the prescriptions filled. I had 4 different things I was getting and because that was considered a large order they had to take a while to get everything together. I didn’t mind since I had my Kindle with me and I could just wait there reading. They originally told me it would take an hour, but it was only about 35 minutes until everything was ready for me.
Since my appointment, I did get a call from my doctor saying that all my tests (except the few that will take time) came back normal. That’s good and bad news. I’m glad there is nothing wrong with me, but I know there is something up and we just don’t know what it is. The more detailed tests won’t necessarily give us an answer because they are testing for more specific things that the quick tests tested for. But you never know so I can still wait on those. But now the plan is to see if the symptoms return and if they do my doctor is going to find a way to see me that day so she sees me when things are affecting me. There is also the possibility that whatever was in my body has left naturally and I won’t have any issues soon. But that will just be a wait and see game.
While it can be frustrating and annoying to have things wrong with you and to spend an afternoon doing medical stuff, I’m not too bothered by it. Obviously I would love to be in perfect health and not have any medical mysteries, but at least I have a great doctor who wants to help me and is willing to order different tests to figure out what is happening. To me, knowing that I’m working on figure it out is a relief and I’m glad that I have the ability to see my doctor when I need to. And at least now I’ve got all the other annual things my OB/GYN would order so I don’t have to worry about those for another year.
It’s Independence Day and I am off work today and spending it with friends. I think most people in the US are celebrating this holiday in some form and I hope that you all are too. But in this political environment, it feels weird to be celebrating freedom when it doesn’t feel like everyone has the same freedoms I do.
There are so many things that are not great about this country right now. Even before the current administration, racism was a problem. The Black Lives Matter movement was due to racism and the injustice in what should be an equal system. There are so many cases of black men being treated differently from white men. White rapists are considered guys who made a mistake and are given light sentences (if they go to jail at all) while the same consideration isn’t given to black men who have the same offense. White men who are mass shooters are misunderstood loners while any shooter who isn’t white is a terrorist. White men might be taken into custody without injury even if they are pointing a gun at police while black men are shot when they aren’t facing the police or have a weapon. This isn’t what happens every time, but it happens enough that we can see there is a problem.
And then of course there is the current immigration issue. While illegal immigration is an issue and I do not believe that people who come into this country illegally should automatically be able to live however they want here. But I also don’t believe that people should automatically be jailed and have their children taken from them. Some people are coming here because their lives are at risk in their home country. We have a system to seek asylum here and even people doing that were being jailed even though they followed all the rules. This issue has been an issue prior to the current administration and I’ll admit that I was not aware of the deaths that happened due to turning someone away then. But now that I am aware, I think there needs to be a change. And if I talk about all the children that were separated from their parents with no plan on how to reunite them, this post will probably never end. But I think everyone can agree that there was no need to require children to be separated (previously it was an option that was rarely used) and I’m glad that the requirement was ended. But I still hope that those families can be reunited.
Those issues don’t directly affect me, but they affect people I love and those that they love. But an issue that does affect me directly is the idea that the Supreme Court may try to overturn Roe v. Wade when a new Justice is appointed. I do realize that if it is overturned that it goes back to being regulated by the state and California will protect the freedom of choice for women, but this issue does go deeper than that. If the Supreme Court eliminates the freedom to choose, that can be more than abortion rights. If the government can force you to continue with a pregnancy that you do not want, will they start forcing people they don’t deem worthy to terminate a pregnancy or force those they don’t want to have kids to be sterilized? I know that it sounds like a huge jump, but when they take away the rights of women to choose what to do with their bodies that can mean a lot of things and can lead to things we can’t imagine right now.
There is also still the debate about healthcare. This may end up not being revealed until the insurance premiums for 2019 are shared, but I think all of us are expecting monthly costs to go up as the individual mandate has been removed. There is no incentive for healthy people to get insurance so the average cost per insured person goes up. And that makes the monthly premium go up. I’m hoping that this won’t happen, but that does look like to be what will occur and we all just have to hope for the best. I know some people aren’t affected by this since they are healthy and don’t go to the doctor, but I’m not that fortunate. But I am fortunate because my family helps me with my insurance costs because even with insurance they are expensive (I will write a post about this tomorrow, but I was just at the doctor and it was over $300 for the appointment, tests, and medications).
I know this is a bit of a downer post for what should be a celebratory day. But as I’ve become more politically involved and educated I do recognize my privilege and the idea that I should be celebrating and enjoying today is a privilege that not everyone gets to enjoy. I enjoy so many freedoms that others who have the same rights as me don’t get to enjoy. And if I can’t recognize that and at least try to fix it or educate others, then I’m a part of the problem. And that is not ok with me.
1500 Posts (or This Really Is Just A Part Of My Life)
