Working On Self-Care and Taking Time For Myself (or Trying Not To Think Of It As Letting Others Down)

This past Sunday was going to be a very crazy day for me. I knew I had probably too much scheduled, but I had figured out a way to accomplish everything I had to do and wanted to do. I knew it would be hard to do it, but I was determined to make it to everything so I wouldn’t have any regrets that I missed something I had been looking forward to.

I was optimistic that it would be fine to get everything into my schedule and it was crazy how much I prepared. I looked at the locations for everything and planned what would make the most sense with driving to and from everything to make it everywhere on time even if for some of the things I would have to leave early. I even did prep on Saturday with some of the chores I normally do on Sundays to make sure I had that time free and ready for everything else. I went to bed on Saturday night believing that I was going to pull it off and make it everywhere.

Sunday morning did not go as smoothly as I had hoped. And with a few of the things on my schedule being things I had to go to, I had to start dropping some of the things that I wanted to go to. One of those things was a friend’s birthday party. I had already told her that I was going to try my best to make it but that my day was packed. But I still felt guilty when I told her that I wasn’t going to make it because of other things in my day.

I had a union-related event that I had to go to and I am very glad I was there. It was important for me to be there so I could get some information that I needed plus I was able to provide answers to others. And even though I would have enjoyed my friend’s party, I know having the energy and focus at the union event was more important for me to have.

I also had something after that event that I had to get to, but that will be in tomorrow’s post. Driving to and from things was a bit stressful with traffic and I was worried I was going to be late or miss things. I tried to not stress out about things I couldn’t control. Fortunately, even with all the traffic issues I had, I made it to the things I was able to go to on time.

I know that saying no to events is a part of self-care and it’s a thing I struggle with. I never want to feel like I’m letting someone down or disappointing them if they had thought I was going to make it. But I’m also trying to be better about explaining what my time commitments are like right now so my last-minute changes are not as random. With union election work taking up so much of my time, I’m grateful I’m down one job. I do need the money, but I don’t have the time or the energy right now for anything else on my plate. I know this is a temporary thing and my schedule will be back to normal soon, but I did tell people in my life what is going on so they understand why I’m not always making it to things when I used to always make it. I think explaining it ahead of time does help, but my guilt is still the same and I’m working on that.

With my schedule this past Sunday, when I didn’t make it to things it was because I had other things I had to make it to. But I also need to work on turning down things just so I have time to myself. I am noticing some signs of burnout in my life right now and I don’t want to get to the point where I am emotionally and physically exhausted and need a lot of time to recovery. I need to take the little breaks over time to keep myself in balance. And I know taking those breaks will allow me to be there for other people more than if I burn out and need that long break. I just need to keep reminding myself about that when I have that guilty feeling.

I know I will get through this crazy time and I will keep reminding myself that taking time for myself isn’t necessarily selfish. And even if it is, it is ok to be selfish from time to time when it is not harming others. I think this is something that is a common struggle, but it doesn’t make it easier for me to deal with it. I just have to keep working on it and hopefully, it will become more natural for me to do it one day.

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