Tag Archives: panic

Failure of a Plan (or Balancing Out The Good And The Bad)

Posted on February 1, 2013 | Comments Off on Failure of a Plan (or Balancing Out The Good And The Bad)

I had yesterday planned out a while ago, and nothing that I planned really ended up happening.

It started a few months back when I scheduled my dentist visit to be on 1/31. At that time, I was expecting to be unemployed, so going to the dentist wouldn’t cut into my work time. Also, but not going to work after the dentist, I wouldn’t have to worry about how low-energy I’d be at work because of my panic meds (my fear of the dentist continues!).

Well, as I’ve mentioned before here, I’m not unemployed now. But I did plan my dentist visit to be the first thing in the morning and I didn’t have to be at work until noon, so I’d have time for the panic meds to wear off.

Then on Wednesday, I get my favorite type of text message in the world: a text from my agents saying I have an audition! Yay! This audition was for a commercial, and the audition was also going to be yesterday afternoon.

I wasn’t worried about having to miss work for the audition (my boss is super understanding). I was worried because I know from past experiences that I do not audition well when I have taken panic meds.

So I had a decision to make. Do I risk going to the dentist without medication or do I risk auditioning with it? I would have rather moved my dentist appointment, but I got the audition text after the dentist was closed and I was not going to cancel 30 minutes prior to my appointment in the morning.

I took the risk and went without panic meds.

It wasn’t too good. I survived without fainting, but this was just a cleaning so there were no needles involved. I did have a small panic attack (nothing like the one I had a few weeks back) but I did have a moment where I couldn’t catch my breath and was crying. Fortunately, the hygienist is one of the nicest people out there and was trying to help me get through the appointment.

I also found out at the dentist that I need more work done. It’s not a crown, but a filling. I’m having it done on Monday, and since it involves needles, I will be medicating (and possibly taking the day off from work).

The positive in all this: I discovered that in an emergency, I can make it through a dental cleaning unmedicated, but won’t do that unless necessary.

And my audition went better than I could have hoped! I’m glad I was able to audition unmedicated and now I get to play the waiting game.

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Default ThumbnailThe Past Few Days (or The Crazy Life I Lead) Default ThumbnailSurviving At The Dentist (or When Will I Grow Out Of My Fear) Default ThumbnailSurviving The Dentist (or Testing My Panic Meds) Default ThumbnailAnother Year Another Dentist Panic (or One Medications Overriding Another) Default ThumbnailAnother Dentist Visit (or Panicking About Panicking) Default ThumbnailLess Panic At The Dentist (or Am I Finally Over This?)

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Posted in Acting, Tough Stuff

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Anatomy of a Panic Attack (or How I Spent My Friday Night)

Posted on January 7, 2013 | 5 comments

I’m no stranger to panic attacks. I was officially diagnosed with having them in 2005, but I know that I had some prior to that.

My diagnosis came after I was in the emergency room for not being able to catch my breath and having fuzzy vision. I had just been fired from a job that I was enjoying. I got in trouble at that job for something that I didn’t do, and once that was proven, my boss fired me for a stupid reason to get me out of there. I was so upset because I didn’t do anything wrong, and my family was out of the country so I couldn’t talk to them, and I got myself so upset I had an attack.

After that first attack, I was given medication (Klonopin) that has almost always helped me. I’ve been the emergency room a total of 3 times (including that first time) for attacks because the medicine wasn’t working the way I feel it should. But normally, my attacks are very mild. And fortunately for me, almost all of my attacks come from a predictable situation (flying and the dentist).

But for some reason, on Friday night, I had one of the worst panic attacks I’ve ever had.

It started pretty simple. My rib cage was feeling tight. That can mean heartburn or a gallbladder issue normally, so I wasn’t worried. I took an antacid and sat on my couch to wait for it to take effect.

It didn’t do anything and I started to sweat like crazy. Then I started to hyperventilate and I was terrified. I don’t ever recall having a panic attack like this, and I freaked out. I thought I might be dying. And then I did the worst thing you could do when you are freaking out about symptoms.

I googled it.

And google said that I was having a heart attack. I know that I’m overweight, but my heart is in great condition. So I had to keep telling myself that I wasn’t having a heart attack. I took some Klonopin and hoped for the best.

By this point, I had had my symptoms for about 15 minutes and was getting light-headed from the hyperventilating. I decided to lay down on my bed because if I was going to faint, I wanted to be somewhere safe.

I debated about calling a friend to take me to the emergency room (or to call an ambulance), but I don’t have the same insurance that I did when I was first diagnosed. In the past, all medical things were free (never had to pay for my hip surgery or any trip to the ER). But now, I know that a visit to the ER would be $500, and I don’t even want to think what an ambulance would cost.

I think that I did pass out, because the next thing I remember was my symptoms were going away and it was about an hour after the start of them.

I have no idea what caused this panic attack, but it was a reminder of how lucky I am to have mild attacks most of the time.

Why am I putting this out here? Why not. I talk about everything else in my life, so why not this. And I’m saying all the not so fun details about it because maybe I can help someone out there not feel so alone with similar symptoms.

If you do have panic attacks like this, I highly recommend seeing a therapist. I did, and that’s how I’ve kept my attacks at bay most of the time. Medication is something great for emergencies, but I don’t want to have to depend on it every day.

Here’s to hoping that the rest of my week is slightly less dramatic!

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Default ThumbnailOne Bad Hour (or Hating Panic Attacks And My Gallbladder) Default ThumbnailStopping A Panic Attack (or Only One Health Issue At A Time) Default ThumbnailLess Panic At The Dentist (or Am I Finally Over This?) Default ThumbnailSurviving The Dentist (or Testing My Panic Meds) Default ThumbnailAnother Year Another Dentist Panic (or One Medications Overriding Another) Default ThumbnailWorking Through General Panic Issues (or Dealing With Lack Of Control)

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Jet Setter (or My Weekend Away From LA)

Posted on October 19, 2012 | 2 comments

Today I head out of town to attend my friend’s wedding. I’m super excited for the happy couple.

But I’m also really nervous. I’m not the best flyer.

There aren’t too many things in life that scare me. Needles and the dentist do, but flying is a relatively new fear.

I’ve been flying for my whole life. When I was younger, my family would go on vacation in lots of other countries. I’ve been to 5 different continents. And all of those times, I was never scared of flying. I would actually sleep a lot on planes. Here’s a picture of me calm as a cucumber as I flew to Paris with my mom to celebrate me graduating college early.

Some time after graduating college, I started to get very panicky on planes, particularly during takeoff and landing. I’m pretty ok on long flights, but more often I’m taking very short flights. On the flight from LA to San Jose (where I grew up), you pretty much only have takeoff and landing. I never do that well on that flight, and I take that one a lot.

According to my reservation, my flight tomorrow should be about 3 hours long. I’m hoping that that will allow me to have some time to calm down during the flight. I’ll be sitting with a friend also going to the wedding, so at least I don’t have to worry about sitting next to a creeper or someone who thinks I’m crazy if I get a little panicky.

I’m trying to focus on my excitement about the wedding. I’ve been looking forward to this since my friend got engaged! I’ve got a super cute new dress to wear, I’m going to get to hang out with a bunch of friends, and I’m going to a city I’ve never been to before (my only time in Texas previously was when I was driving from LA to Oklahoma).

As long as I focus on the good and exciting parts of the weekend, I’m not going to let my fear of flying get in the way!

I’ll have a recap with hopefully a bunch of photos to share when I get back!

Also, if you want to come to the screening of the documentary that I produced, you only  have about a day left to get your tickets for free! Otherwise, you have to pay $5. You can get tickets here.

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Default ThumbnailOff On An Adventure (or It’s Hawaii Time!) Default ThumbnailBest Wedding Ever! (or My Weekend In Texas) Default ThumbnailTrying To Stay Calm (or Not Letting Panic Take Over) Default ThumbnailAdventures On The Red-Eye (or Surviving On Almost No Sleep) Default ThumbnailGetting Ready For Next Month (or Broadway Here We Come!) Default ThumbnailMy Last Day By The Bay (or Time To Head Back To Reality)

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Posted in Celebrations, Fun Stuff, Tough Stuff

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My Fear of the Dentist (or Why I’m a Faint Risk)

Posted on August 22, 2012 | 6 comments

Yesterday I was talking about how I’m scared of going to the dentist. I think I should explain my fear a bit more.

As a kid, I don’t remember ever being scared of the dentist. I didn’t like having impressions done or the bite things they put in my mouth for the x-rays, but that’s nothing.

Now, I’m shaking and have to take panic medication before going in.

The main part of my fear is my issue with needles. I tend to faint when needles go in my skin. I’ll faint for flu shots, blood draws, IVs, anything. I’ve gotten better where I can remain conscious most of the time, but I’m still listed as a faint risk at the hospital I go to. I only started having problems with needles as an adult.

This is what I learned in hypnotherapy (don’t judge me for that please) about my fear of needles. When I was in high school, I had a rabbit named Jasper. He was a huge rabbit and my family loved him a lot. Jasper had a jaw abscess and my parents knew that we could handle his medical care with some guidance from the vet. We had to keep the area clean with saline twice a day. Normally my parents did this, but there was a morning where my mom was out of town or something so I was helping my dad. I wasn’t feeling right when I was filling the syringe with saline and I told my dad I thought I was going to pass out. He thought I was just being a wimp and said I wouldn’t faint. Next thing you know, I’m passed out on the kitchen floor. Somehow, my mind now associated needles with fainting.

I’ve had to have dental work in the past where you have to be numbed up, and that involves shots. And yes, I’ve fainted in the dentist chair. I really don’t want that to happen again.

You never know when you are going to have dental work done that involves needles. I inherited bad teeth, so I know that eventually I’ll probably need another filling or have one of my crowns redone.

But my smile has always been one of my better features, no matter what weight I am, so I’ll continue to take my panic medication, go to the dentist, and hope that this time, I won’t faint.

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Default ThumbnailFailure of a Plan (or Balancing Out The Good And The Bad) Default ThumbnailA Boring Visit At The Dentist (or Getting Ready For A Future Bad Appointment) Default ThumbnailAnother Year Another Dentist Panic (or One Medications Overriding Another) Default ThumbnailSurviving At The Dentist (or When Will I Grow Out Of My Fear) Default ThumbnailOne Of My Most Hated Things (or At Least I Didn’t Faint) Default ThumbnailA Quick Adventure To The Dentist (or Ok, Maybe I Overreacted A Bit)

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